Sword Art Online II Ep. 9: Get down

Welp, it’s that time of the week again.

– So Kirito’s harem is watching footage from an MMO tournament… in their own MMO. It’s kind of silly, really. I’m sure there are better ways to hang out with friends than to log online and sit in some virtual bar. Hell, if you look closely, they even have drinks in their hands. Drinks! What are you drinking? A virtual drink?! The sad part is, unlike most online friends, they actually live close to each other. They have the luxury to go outside into the real world and hang out with each other. But dude, hanging out in this virtual bar, drinking virtual drinks is just so fucking awesome! Yeah, we play MMOs so we can pretend as though we fighting fire-breathing dragons and whatnot, but let’s not pretend as though drinking virtual drinks with friends online is somehow better than the real thing.

– I like how Klein isn’t allowed to sit next to the girls. He’s here to make sure nothing happens to Kirito’s precious harem, but he better watch himself!

– Leafa: “Onii-chan’s not getting much screen time.” I think he gets enough, brocon girl.

– Klein: “[Kirito] may not seem like it, but he’s the strategist type.” Oh lord.

– Regarding the “Why didn’t Pale Rider use a sword if he likes to get up close to people” discussion from last week’s comments, eh… If I had those acrobatic skills, I wouldn’t necessarily use a sword just because I could. If you can get up close to someone, why not just use a knife for easy kills? I think a sword simply overdoes it. At that range, you have shorter, easier swings with a knife, and can probably hit more vital points than a sword.

– On the other hand, this is just a shitty anime, so who gives a shit what they use! I only make fun of the main character for using a sword because he wants to be super special.

– Man, we already saw this shit where Pale Rider gets owned, and yet for some reason, we need to rewatch it just so we can see how Kirito’s harem will react. It’s like one of those shitty Youtube reaction videos. Like yeah, sometimes they can be amusing if the person actually offers up some interesting commentary, but we’re talking about Kirito’s harem. And all they do is describe the plainly obvious. Oh, Pale Rider got paralyzed? Tell me more! “It’s like the wind magic spell Thunder Web.” Fantastic. I surely will appreciate the anime more now that I’ve received this knowledge.

– I like how the camera angles are all bad too even though we’re watching footage from another video game. As a result, you can put the camera anywhere you want to give your viewers a clear picture.

– Why does everyone react to Death Gun as if he’s scary? First, he looks goofy as fuck, but more importantly, they know nothing about him or the Death Gun rumors. They have no idea Death Gun can actually kill people in real life. As a result, they have no reason to be scared. They should just be like, “Wow, that guy’s a tryhard.”

– I like how Kirito told Sinon to take a shot, but he himself doesn’t try to do anything. What a badass hero.

– Oh my God, Death Gun even has to step on the “DISCONNECTION” sign. Grr, now you’re truly dead!!! Please, stop, you’re hurting my sides.

– Asuna and Klein both recognize the guy. Good for them. Too bad they’re not allowed to participate in the story, so this is all just empty talk. But hey, somewhere out in there in some alternate dimension, you guys probably get to be heroes too…

– So after seeing Death Gun, are Kirito and Sinon afraid? Are they going to move from their location to somewhere more secure? Nah, let’s just sit here and talk about Death Gun. I’m sure he won’t come after us. Of course, he won’t come after them because he can’t actually kill them; I’m sure he has to track them down in real life. Still, the characters don’t know this yet.

– Sinon can’t find the guy on her terminal, so she concludes that he must be hiding in the water just like how Kirito had done so in last week’s episode. As a result, the two of them can get a jump on Death Gun! But Kirito tells her to stay far away! What if… what if his virtual bullet can kill you too?! I mean, yeah, three people have died already, but this isn’t rocket science. Can these VR headsets kill you or not? Do they even have the capabilities of doing so? No? Then what the fuck are you scared of? And why haven’t you come to the conclusion yet that there are multiple people involved? It’s that simple.

– “That player in the cape, Death Gun, killed lots of people in the VRMMO I was once part of.” That was then, and this is now. Back then, the headsets could kill you. They. No. Longer. Can. Kirito, however, is just being a dense motherfucker as usual. It’s not just Kirito, though. It’s the people who have hired him to do this job. They, too, should have come to the plainly obvious conclusion that the deaths are the result of killings happening in the real world, and the online shit is just for show.

– Christ, just look at their bodies and how big their heads are in comparison.

– Sinon: “Someone like that is really playing GGO?” What does that even mean? Anyone can play any game.

– Kirito wants to split up, so he goes dashing off and running. Not at full speed, mind you, but he has quite a head start. When Sinon calls out to him and he turns around, however, the girl is right behind him. Makes sense.

– Look at this tsundere shit. Sinon’s going to team up with Kirito. D-Don’t get the wrong idea though! If he dies to Death Gun, they won’t be able to have their duel. That’s the only reason why we have a new girl instead of just stick with Asuna. She’s boring now. She’s all deredere. People want to feel as though they can conquer the tsunderekko, and it ain’t happening with Asuna.

– “I don’t like it,” Sinon says, “but it’ll be safer to work together temporarily and knock him out of the running.” Uh-huh, sure, you don’t like it.

– All of a sudden, the two of them come under attack from this Genghis Khan-looking motherfucker. I’m just laughing at the idea that some poor soul logged onto GGO, excited to see what he’ll be playing at, and this is what he gets. “Aw man… I guess I’ll just have to play as this ugly avatar since there are no other cool MMOs out there to play!”

– Sinon stares in awe as our hero… as our hero…

…yeah. In fact, this episode is just full of quality.

– Hey, let’s check up on Klein and Kirito’s harem: “In SAO, there was an unwritten rule to never let someone’s HP reach zero.” Of course… I mean, I would hope so! But hey, more flashbacks about Laughing Coffin! ‘Cause it isn’t enough to hear exposition about Laughing Coffin from Kirito’s perspective. We need Klein’s perspective too!

– Is it just me or is Leafa’s breasts just getting bigger and bigger with each passing episode? This isn’t even her real self, so the implication is that she paid for some character makeover service (for non-MMO players, MMOs let you adjust your character’s looks for a small fee), then slid her breast sliders to max.

– Asuna’s determined to get some answers from Kirito’s employers. I doubt she’ll get any answers, and I doubt she’ll play any significant role from here on out anyway. There’s nothing she can do. Log into GGO? You know that won’t happen. The story wouldn’t let her steal Sinon’s thunder. Walk away and try to live her life? C’mon, what Japanese waifu would do that! Her only option left is to sit and wait for Kirito to get the job done. I’ll laugh though if she literally goes to his bedside and waits for the fucker to wake up.

– Sinon and Kirito are in hot pursuit of Death Gun, and by “hot pursuit,” I mean they have no clue where he’s gone. But that’s okay, because Detective Sinon is on the case! “‘Gunner’ is like the ‘Gun’ of ‘Death Gun.'” Ooh, do tell! “And the ‘X’ is like the cross gesture he made. Or is that too obvious.” Gosh…

– There’s this awkward pause when both characters confess that their real life names are similar to their online handles. Uguu, I know your real name noooow. How hazukashii~

– “This is the only time I’m helping you, okay?” Sinon says this as she clutches her rifle tightly to her breasts. Yes, yes, let the tsundere flow through you, and soon, the Gary Stu will too.

– According to Sinon, “only Gunner X is in the city.” Kirito then quickly concludes, “In other words, Gunner X is Death Gun.” Hoo boy, I don’t think it’s that easy. It’s an MMO, after all. Maybe Death Gun has hacked the code somehow to make himself appear offline to the satellites.

– After all, the people running this game don’t even seem to care that this Death Gun guy is running around, killing their players. I doubt they give a fuck if Death Gun has somehow managed to bypass the satellites.

– It’s like a bad horror movie where the characters always feel the need to split up. Kirito has Sinon stay behind to back him up because this way, he can “fight without fear.” Oh, okay.

– Sinon suddenly thinks about how she and Kirito will go back to being enemies when they take Death Gun out: “I’ll never seen him again.” Oh, the horror! Luckily, Death Gun won’t go down easy; it appears as though he has gotten the jump on Sinon when a shot from offscreen hits and paralyzes the girl. Man, splitting up just so the Gary Stu could fight without fear sure was a good plan!

– All of a sudden, Death Gun appears out of thin air. Yep, he was invisible this entire time. It was so obvious, too. This is the one trope every crappy story falls back on.

– Once again, A-1 Pictures can’t get Sinon’s ass right. Either that or she’s taken a massive dump in her pants. I’m sure some fans are into that sort of thing…

– It even turns out Death Gun uses the same gun Sinon had used in real life to kill that psycho, so she gets triggered all over again. I don’t really care about her, though. And yeah, the fact that Death Gun is using that gun is just another obvious clue that her friend is involved, but people already figured this shit out anyway.

– The anime then fades to black as you hear a shot ring out. Yay, generic cliffhanger! Once again, SAO is not even trying.