Oh, not the power of color inversion! Will Bargain Bin Kirito be able to restore his loli’s color fidelity? Let’s find out!
— Despite BBK’s “overpoweredness” (that probably isn’t a word), he claims that the opponent’s psychic powers are overwhelming. Luckily for him, one of his slaves is a psychic-type loli. She’s practically a Mewtwo! Just less cute. And less cool. Less everything good in every way. And while she’s pushing back against the baddie, all he has to do is go into his menu and level up his psychic resistance! But that brings up another issue: eight weeks into the season, is it still fresh and original to watch the guy go through menus?
— The baddie’s name is Zen, which is also the name of the hero in that terribad play they had the pleasure of watching two episodes ago (I believe). What exactly does he want with the elf loli? He also refers to BBK as the descendant of some hero. They keep reusing the same word, which doesn’t help the story achieve clarity.
— Heh, consent.
— Oh no, Zen just pulled a Jedi mind trick on BBK. Humiliated like Ben Swolo, our hero then gets attacked by… tentacles? Shadow tentacles, apparently. But thanks to his new elf friend providing a distraction, BBK is able to wrest himself free, which elicits the classic “BAKANA!” reaction from the enemy. Good ol’ cliches.
— BBK: “Well, I never met a sorcerer who could control shadows before…” Dude, you’ve never even met a sorcerer before.
— Arisa thinks that the level difference between them and Zen is too high, so she clearly doesn’t realize how powerful BBK is. Plus, isn’t Zen just level 41? You’d think the Undead King would have a higher level than that. He’s supposedly “transcended,” so that makes him stronger than normal. Arisa uses a “unique” skill to no avail. Even BBK’s guns do nothing, so the baddie proceeds to abscond with the elf loli. I wish this didn’t have to look so… tentacle-y, but there we have it.
— It’s not like I feel any tension in this scene, though. You just know nothing bad will happen to the elf loli. You also know she’ll be rescued eventually. This isn’t a show that breaks genre conventions. There are no serious consequences for our loli collector to ever deal with. Losing Mia is nothing but a temporary setback. It’s this sort of stale writing that plagues every medium in general. I know shows like Death March aren’t exactly allotted a large budget, but you don’t need one in order to tell a decent story. Just Because! looked like absolute trash, but it’s direction and storytelling were still top-notch.
— So BBK dives after Mia and finds himself floating in… an endless expanse of water? After discovering that the area has no map, the guy closes his eyes and starts grunting. Matrix-esque lines of code start appearing all over his body. When he finally yells out, reality “shatters” around him and he finds himself in some ornate castle-like location. O…kay… we’re just straight up cheating now, huh?
— BAKANA! He broke through the shadow prison!
— Even the baddie is like, “Hey, yo, that’s not fair. You didn’t beat the Cradle level properly!”
— He calls himself the Undead King, but he also says he bears God’s blessing. Okay. I mean, it’s possible that the God of this game is a jerkass and would thus bless an evil bastard, but I wish the show would just do some proper world-building.
— In any case, BBK just gets kicked out of the zone. He’ll have to rob the Cradle if he wants his elf loli back.
— Oh man, BBK is up against the Undead King, though! Who knows what nasty minions he’ll run into! Like… BEES! Wait, what?
— Oh c’mon, a weed goblin?
— In any case, BBK proceeds to climb all 200 floors of the Cradle. In any other anime, this would be an arc that spans several episodes. In Death March, however, you can be sure that he’ll reach the top floor by the end of the episode.
— In the meantime, we run into a grass-type loli! Strong against water, ground, and rock-type lolis!
— He’s supposed to defeat the loli in order to continuing climbing the dungeon, but of course, she takes one look at him and has other designs.
— She can’t eat human food. Instead, she requires MP… oh no… MP is just another term for mana. And in order to transfer mana… oh no…
— Bargain Bin “I am not a lolicon” Kirito in a nutshell. Look, they just throw themselves at him, okay?!
— We get some backstory about the Cradle and its creator, but I don’t care.
— After that brief distraction is over and done with, BBK continues up the dungeon and encounters three beautiful ladies. They’re a little too old for him, though. They also happen to be homunculi made in the elf loli’s image.
— And there’s this hunk of junk! But BBK beats it by shooting a letter on its head. I’m not even going to bother explaining the gimmick here. It’s not worth it. It’s obvious that the story is rushing itself terribly. He then punches out one of the homunculi, but since he’s such a nice BBK, he takes her to a safe spot. Always the consummate gentleman… except for the whole owning slaves part. In her sleep, she calls out to her master, which reminds BBK of his own loli slaves. Isn’t that sweet?
— BBK climbs the dungeon some more and eventually comes across yet another room plant-filled room. Even this game is full of lazy copy-pasted dungeons.
— And hey, there’s also another grass-type loli here, but this one is in desperate need of BBK’s precious fluids. Once again, he has to make out with a loli, but I’m sure he’s not a lolicon. He just has to do it if he wants to proceed… and rescue his other loli.
— Our grass-type loli then sends BBK up right up to floor 180. Well, this has been a rather quick and painless dungeon raid.
— Ah yes, more bugs! Nothing like challenging the Undead King with a can of Raid.
— And just like that, we’re here. All that’s left is to rescue the elf loli. The Undead King doesn’t seem very evil, though. He just seems like some annoying NPC that is desperate to test the player. As a result, Death March continues to be this weird mix of meta-gaming and an isekai story. I’m not supposed to take any of the gameplay stuff seriously, but the show is not subversive or humorous enough on its own to be a parody of bad RPGs.
— Wait, what? Gjallarhorn is a sword and not… y’know, a horn? This game is so stupid.
— The Undead King then summons forth the trash mobs that BBK must clear before he can finally tackle the raid boss himself. Unfortunately, we’re out of time, so you’ll have to come back next week to see if our hero can finally get his hands on that epic loli.