And we’re back once again. But there’s just something wrong with the story now. It just feels… ordinary? And y’know, Cross Ange should be ridiculous, because that’s all that it has going for it. You’re not watching it for the deep characters. You’re not watching it for the smart and incisive look at discrimination. You’re watching it so that you can say to your friends, “Whoa, did you see what happened in the latest Cross Ange?!” But before I continue any further on this point, let me just first get the barebone plot of the latest episode out of the way. So as you may recall, Julio rides a fleet of battleships to Arzenal, claiming that he and his people are going to rescue the Normas. Obviously, this is a lie. Obviously, he just wants to get his hands on Ange and the Villkiss. Obviously, Arzenal tries to resist, so fighting breaks out. Jill plans to escape and put Operation Libertas or whatever into motion. She says that the other girls can choose to go with her or surrender to the Mana users, but it’s not like the rest of the Normas have a choice. This is especially true of Ange, who Salia was supposed safely to Jill. But y’know how it is. Ange is a firecracker, so she escapes from Salia, sees the extent of Julio’s destruction — girls being burned to death, burned to death some more, and oh yeah… more burning — and decides to go after her brother.

Essentially, Ange doesn’t want to be co-opted into Jill’s ideals. Rather, she has grown to really love Arzenal or something, so she’s going to get her revenge on Julio for destroying her new home. Right before she can kill her asshole brother, however, Embryo shows up, and says some flowery shit about Ange. He claims he admires her ability to rise up “against injustice and absurdity.” Yeah, really. He then says that he can’t allow her to dirty her hands with murder, and that’s why he’s going to kill Julio for her. Of course, Ange had repeatedly shot some faceless soldier in cold blood just minutes ago, but you shouldn’t dirty your hands by killing your own family member. That’s the key right there. And because Embryo didn’t approve of Julio’s arsonist ambitions, he also revives… some of the prince’s victims? Like this girl in Ersha’s arms. Are the rest still burnt to a crisp? Probably. To be honest, I don’t really care. Tusk then tells Ange to stay away from Embryo, which pisses Mr. Egg Yolk off. He then tries to kill Tusk, but Ange gets in the way… and… uh, we’ll have to wait until next week’s episode to see what happens to them.

As I was watching the entire episode, I couldn’t help but feel vaguely disinterested. You might blame this on the post-holiday miasma, but I really think that the story just hasn’t, in some sense, kept up. Let’s put it this way: the anime has a lot of unsavory elements, but I was initially willing to overlook them in order to see where the plot would go. If it had stayed crazy and ludicrous in execution, then I would remain interested in Cross Ange. But that’s the thing: the story actually feels safer now. It feels somewhat ordinary. I don’t want to say predictable, because I certainly don’t know what’s going to happen next. But my point is, what does end up happening next isn’t going to mindfuck me. Take this week’s episode, for instance. I didn’t know Embryo would kill Julio himself. I didn’t know Embryo would revive people, and be impressed with Ange. Nevertheless, I’m not being mindfucked, and a show like Cross Ange really needs to mindfuck me to keep me interested. Otherwise, I can’t get past the unsavory elements. And no, showing me a room full of dead, burned children is not a mindfuck. Actually, it’s pretty whatever. Didn’t even register a pang in my heart.

And don’t get me wrong: the fanservice is not one of the unsavory elements. In fact, the show started off rather offensive, but it has tone it down greatly since the first two episodes. We saw Jill abuse Ange, Zola abuse Ange, so on and so forth. These days, however, it’s just a bunch of topless girls lounging around in a hot tub or whatever, so even the show’s in-your-face offensiveness has gone away, replaced by run-of-the-mill Sunrise-branded fanservice. It’s the sort of fanservice that I’ve seen a billion times in anime before, so I just can’t help but yawn at it now. Yeah, I’m essentially desensitized to glossy anime cleavage. That sort of shit just doesn’t raise an eyebrow anymore. You won’t find an uptick in my heart rate anymore. Rather, the primary unsavory element is that I just plain do not like any of these characters. I don’t like Ange, I don’t like Jill, I don’t like, Salia, I don’t like Tusk, etc. They all fucking suck, and it was only entertaining when the ridiculous plot put the unlikeable Ange in ridiculous situations. If we’re going to go down this road that we’re currently on, however, I’m going to need to relate to the character… but I don’t see that happening.

What does Ange even want to do anyway? Shortly after she was returned to Arzenal — y’know, after she got whipped in public by her own imouto — she and Hilda claimed that they wanted to burn this disgusting world down. I thought that had promise. This is a disgusting and worthless world, so we may as well be nihilistic about it, and just destroy this stupid, anime-as-fuck universe and its ridiculous portrayal of discrimination. But Ange wasn’t telling the truth. In actuality, she likes at least one thing about this world, and it’s Arzenal. I can’t really understand it, though; Arzenal sucks balls. I also thought she was disgusted by the fact that they had to kill DRAGONs, a.k.a. people if you burn… them? Okay, sure, that’s the part she doesn’t like. But she likes all the other stuff! Like the camaraderie between her and the girls that took weeks and weeks to build, and was destroyed simply because she deserted them! Like the shitty living conditions. Like how Salia continually tries to take the Villkiss from her. Like Jill and Emma’s condescending attitudes. Like the girls’ penchants to form cliques or quickly hate you (see: Chris and Rosalie).

Sad thing is, Ange is the main character, so she gets all the development. The other characters are, fittingly, paper-thin in their characterization. Salia is just annoyingly one-note now: “A-bloo-bloo, you took my role away when you showed up!!!” Like holy fuck, give it a rest. It’s like the third or fourth episode now that she’s whined about this shit. It’s just not interesting, and it was never interesting. Jill? Meh. What can I say about her? Nothing, really. Same with Tusk. They’re just not interesting characters with interesting personalities. They don’t have interesting flaws worth exploring. They’re just there to fulfill a purpose within the story. Jill spearheads one of the many factions within the story. That’s it. Other than that, her character is threadbare. Tusk fulfills the function of conveniently showing up whenever the story needs something to be done. Rescue Ange? You got it. Rescue Vivian from her captors this week? Alright! But other than that, he conveniently disappears from the story. Not like his character is worth exploring, though. The one episode that was about him, all the dude did was repeatedly molest Ange. So the truth is that these characters all suck, and if the story is going to get serious, their suckitude will only be amplified from here on out.

When the tone of the story was ridiculous and nihilistic, the weak characters didn’t bother me. They’re dispensable, and we can kill them off as we see fit. We don’t to come up with some ridiculous asspulls to keep them alive. But a mission is taking shape. Ange is probably going to save the world or something. Our protagonists are going to band together and achieve something that they believe to be super meaningful in their hearts of hearts. Who knows? Maybe by the end of the story, peace will be restored, Embryo will be taken down, and everyone can live happily ever after. The point is, when a narrative takes this direction, it suddenly becomes very safe. The characters are suddenly no longer dispensable, but god, I wish they still were. Sadly, even someone like Chris got brought back to life, which just confirms the fact that we’ve decided to play it safe. Worst of all, the characters are no longer being put in ridiculous situations. I was vaguely bored as I watched this episode, and that’s because despite all the action onscreen, nothing crazy really happened. And without the craziness, I just don’t care enough about the characters or the universe that they’re in.

Anyway, there’s a new OP, but the song is slow and boring. And there’s this.

Right. I’m not going to pretend like I know what this show is about. It’s just the first episode, and nobody can really say they knew what Penguindrum was really about from just the first episode alone. So y’know, I’m not going to sit here and come up with all these wild theories about the show’s meaning and/or subtext at such an early juncture in the series. Oh, we’ll have plenty of time for that later. I’m sure the Ikuhara fanatics are already salivating at the thought. For now, however, I just want to focus on what this episode makes me feel — what it evokes from me. But first, we should probably get the surface plot out of the way. I really shouldn’t recap the plot events of the episode like this, but maybe putting it together in my own head will help me… I don’t know, organize my feelings about the show or something.

We at Arashigaoka Academy, an all-girls school. The story also takes place in this alternative universe where a meteor storm had turned bears into bipedal, human-“eating” g…girls? Are there male bears in this universe? The only male characters I see are the Judgmens, and they have bear paws, but at the moment, I would definitively state that they are bears themselves. Anyway, a Severance Barrier was erected to keep the bears out, but two managed to infiltrate the academy and disguise themselves as regular, human girls. Likewise, I’m not sure if there are any human males in this story. If there are any, I haven’t seen one yet. Our two sneaky bears are Ginko and Lulu, and the former is especially interested in Kureha, who appears to be the main human character of the story.

At the beginning of the episode, Kureha and her lover Sumika by the school’s lily garden (one of many?). It appears that their love is not exactly condoned, but Kureha assures Sumika that they’re doing nothing wrong. Plus, she’ll never “give up on love,” a phrase that we’re sure to hear over and over as this series unfold. They are suddenly alerted to the presence to a bear sighting. Kureha promises to protect her girlfriend, but as luck would have it, Sumika ends up disappearing one morning. When Kureha receives a mysterious phone call about whether or not her love for Sumika is “true,” she grabs her rifle, which she has conveniently stashed away in her locker, and quickly rushes to the school’s rooftop. There, she finds herself attacked by two bears.

Immediately afterwards, we see the same two bears undergo a “Yuri Trial,” where three Judgemens decide whether or not the bears should be allowed to proceeding with their feasting of human girls. Apparently, even in the bear world, it’s not exactly kosher to hunt your prey? Shrug. After a short debate, Love Sexy (yeah, really), the head Judgemen (Judgeman?), declares, “Lily, approved!” As a result, the two bears undergo a mahou transformation scene in which they become human girls again, and then they proceed to lick nectar from the white lily growing out of a naked Kureha’s chest. When Kureha finally wakes up, she finds herself in the infirmary. Elsewhere, a girl stumbles upon Sumika being eaten by a pair of bears. Aaaaaaaaaaand… end episode. Phew. Was a that a mouthful or what?

Right, so what do I even think? To be honest, the first thought that came to my head was, “Yuri again?” I liked Penguindrum, though. I felt it was ambitious and large in scope. Hopefully, Yuri Kuma Arashi can be the same way, but I won’t pretend that I don’t have my misgivings about the show’s largely female-looking cast. My second thought was, “Man, this is gimmicky and repetitive.” And honestly, Ikuhara’s storytelling has always been gimmicky and repetitive. He loves to reuse images, motifs, and metaphors in different contexts. It can sometimes be fun to piece together what he’s trying to say (Penguindrum), but other times, it can get tiresome (Revolutionary Girl Utena). After one episode, I’m not going to rule one way or the other with Yuri Kuma Arashi, but it’s a thought that’s going to linger at the back of my mind for the rest of the series.

To sum things up, my initial impression towards this anime is a mixture of… of… curiosity and a whole lot of eye-rolling. I mean, the show’s different, but I’m way past the point of praising something just for being different. And until Yuri Kuma Arashi can prove to me that it can tie its gimmicks together into a compelling, interesting story, then all the metaphors in the world doesn’t mean shit. For now, I remain apprehensive about the show’s direction.

Stray notes & observations:

– There’s going to be a lot of this. And a lot of stairs in general.

– The yuri antics do nothing for me. Doesn’t even raise an eyebrow.

– What’s with all the construction in the background? What’s an Invisible Storm? What does it mean to go invisible? Why is eating equated with love? Why does it have to be called a Severance Barrier instead of just a simple wall? What does eating Kureha’s nectar even do? Stay tuned for the next episode of Dragon Ball Z.

– But really, is the Severance Barrier just a hymen? It’s a hymen, isn’t it?

– Speaking of hymens, here’s a white flower. And now, we have a red flower. And midway through the episode, someone had snipped the white flowers from their stems, and the human girls end up dirtying their hands in order to hold one of them. I don’t need to spell it out what flowers represent, right? Right.

– And they attend a triangular school whose walls are red.

– The girls like to eat fishy food, man. Lots of fishy food.

– And we have a ton of fountains in this show. A ton of fountains spewing forth their shimmering water as the heroine desperately searches for her lover.

– Sometimes, a rifle is just a rifle. Especially when you aim it down a dark, cavernous corridor in the hopes that you’ll be able to protect your lover from lesbian bears hoping to eat out of her.

– Technically, the animation is alright, but the characters look mega dumb sometimes, especially Sumika.

– There’s no doubt that I’ve missed some other stuff, but… meh. I’m good for now. Till next week.

A quick disclaimer: I know nothing about this anime. Oh sure, I read the synopsis weeks ago like everyone else, but it must not have been a very remarkable synopsis, ’cause I’ve already forgotten what it said. As a result, I’m going on in dry.

– Aaaaaaand… it’s a great start to 2015, boys.

– Okay, so it seems people can conjure up weapons, and this dude over here looks cool as hell!!!

– First things first, our hero’s name is Thor. Yeah, Thor. As such, I expect him to wield a fuck-off hammer. Here, you can see him shaking hands with Imari, but she’s not the main haremette. She’s probably just one of the many haremettes. Here’s the main one. I don’t know what her name is supposed to be, but considering how Thor just awkwardly stared at her for a few painful seconds, she must be hot or something. But according to the cold opening, they’ll be fighting each other at some point. Oh, what a tantalizing hook!

– Rich, fancy academy where they’ll learn to fight in this coliseum, blah blah blah.

– The school president is a gothic loli.

– That’s an appropriate outfit for a school. She’s probably a teacher or something too, huh?

– Whoops. It turns out Imari is not hanging around for long, because the school’s screening test dictates that the students must battle the person sitting next to them. If you lose, you will have to go home. As you might have guessed, she and Thor are sitting next to each other. Anyway, what a dumb test. What if two of the best new students just happen to be sitting next to each other? As a result, the school has no choice but to send one of its two best students home just because whoever wrote this story wants to grab the viewers’ attention right off the bat.

– It’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that Imari’s going to lose to the main character of the story. The only question is whether or not she’ll return at some later point in the story to get her revenge.

– The characters in this show cannot vogue to save their life. She looks positively bored with life. Tsk tsk. Basically, everyone has a “Blaze,” which is a weapon that they can conjure up from… from…? I don’t know? A pocket dimension or whatever. And as you can see here, the main heroine has two long blades.

– Lookin’ good, boys. Lookin’ good. Tear up that assembly hall.

– As Thor witnesses all the carnage, he gets triggered or something. No, really.

– So everyone has a weapon, and as such, you must be dying to see Thor’s weapon, huh? It’s a fuck-off hammer, right? We first see Imari conjure up a sword of her own, but enough about her. Let me see what Thor can bring to the table!

– Uh…

– So Blazes are always weapons… until they’re not, of course. Because Thor is such a unique snowflake, he’s an — wait for it! — Irregular. What’s even funnier is that Imari’s going to lose to someone who doesn’t even have a weapon.

– Thor anticlimactically blocks Imari’s attack, then punches her with his free arm. The gothic loli then announces that time’s up, so he basically wins by default.

– May the force be with you too, gothic loli. Or the odds be in your favor. Something like that.

– Imari: “All that fancy fighting and no one even got hurt.” D…did you want to die?

– You’d think Imari would be torn up or something, or maybe even resentful. But nah, she’s just standing here, chilling with the main character. It doesn’t look like we’re going to get our revenge story. Instead, her breasts bounce as she encourages Thor not to hold back next time. You only lose one! YOLO!

– Meet Tora, the midget. Apparently, he and Thor go way back. Also, every harem needs a beta best friend to make the harem lead look good.

– And now that Imari’s out of the way, Thor’s relationship with the school’s apparently hottest chick can start in earnest. Like every other anime you’ve seen, her classmates whisper simply because she entered the room.

– Yeah, yeah, we’re already staring and blushing at each other.

– That lady in the cleavage-bearing maid outfit and bunny ears? Yeah, she’s their homeroom teacher.

– Finally, the bishoujo introduces herself as Julie. Oh. It really is just Julie. Yeah, I saw the main character say Julie in the cold opening. I just didn’t expect her to have such a boring name.

– The students here apparently get an allowance of 100,000 yen per month. And as the show’s title suggests, everyone will pair up. Naturally, the main character gets to room with the hot girl, a fact which he mightily protests.

– Welp, that was fast.

– Julie’s from Scandinavia. Just Scandinavia in general. No specific place in Scandinavia. And yes, she’s well aware that Thor is a Norse god of mythology. Somehow, Thor has this name and he doesn’t know it.

– Oh no, a cute girl is all up in my face. W-What do I do?

– Julie wants Thor to teach her his special move. Y’know, that boring punch that he used to lay Imari out. Our Scandinavian bishoujo is all like, “Yo, teach me that shit.” You mean balling up a fist, pulling your arm back, then punching someone really hard? Are you serious?

– Yes, we’re very serious: “Sorry. That move puts way too much strain on the body.” Oh, okay. Naw, it gets better: “If a girl used it, it’d destroy her.” Well excuse me, Thor of Japan. I had no idea your punches were so masculine.

– Instead of just yawning like a regular person, Julie wobbles back and forth until she instantly falls asleep face first into Thor’s crotch. He thus has to carry her to bed and tuck her in. Well shit, if girls can’t even put themselves to bed, I guess a punch is out of the question.

– And with that, the credits roll. Afterwards, there’s a short scene where Julie wakes up and they both enjoy some apple tea, but uh, yeah…

– All in all, what a terribly generic opening episode. As I expected, Absolute Duo is absolute crap.

I could’ve dropped this show, but there’s really nothing else to watch on Tuesdays.

– The characters go on and on about how the villagers had intended to trap Yona underground, but what does that even entail? What else is weird about this village? What might we find in the lowest depths of the caves? I mean, there’s potentially a lot to explore here, but the anime doesn’t really oblige. I would have liked to have seen the story explore the bizarre village a bit further.

– In fact, Akatsuki no Yona could use a whole lot more world-building, and that’s not usually something that you’ll often hear me say. I generally think that a lot of shows tend to overdo it with the world-building, but this particular anime actually doesn’t do it enough. It actually opts instead to drag its feet. Our heroes often love to just sit around and joke with each other for episodes and episodes on end.

– Yun painfully explains to his allies that the villagers here don’t exactly revere the Blue Dragon. In fact, they might actually hate him! Naw, really? The truth is, the guy is only a genius because the rest of the characters are a bit slow.

– So the plan is to look for the Blue Dragon again, but Hak has to stay behind and watch the villagers or something. There’s this painfully possessive moment between the Thunder Beast and the princess, but naturally, the girl’s completely oblivious to Hak’s true feelings.

– It’s just the same old shit over and over again. X loves Y, but Y is too innocent and pure-minded to even realize it. She’s 16, she’s been in love before — hell, you can argue that she probably still has feelings for her cousin — and yet, she’s got no goddamn clue how much Hak loves her. It’s just ridiculous.

– On the plus side, Yona at least admits that she depends on Hak too much. As a result, she tries to look for the Blue Dragon on her own. She’s still surrounded by two other helpers, so she’s not exactly relying on her own strength or anything, though.

– Eventually, Yona and Yun stumbles upon the Blue Dragon, and the princess stirs up strange, new feelings in the latter. W-what’s going on?! If you’re like me, you will no doubt feel that the story’s pacing has ground to a halt. I’m getting the feeling that the Blue Dragon’s story won’t be resolved by the end of the episode. We’re really going to spend three episodes on this guy.

– Apparently, Yona’s prospective recruit has no name. He’s simply the Blue Dragon. That just means the princess will get to name him later like a pet. Still, that fat squirrel is the best thing about the last couple of episodes.

– This encounter in a nutshell:

Blue Dragon: “Blah blah blah, my power is cursed. I’m cursed. I’m dangerous. I must stay hidden in this cave forever and ever and ever…”

Yona: “But your hands, though!”

That’s all Yona needs. She’s never met the guy before, and she knows nothing about him… but his hands!!!

– Rebuffed by the Blue Dragon, Yona returns to the trap door empty handed. There, she sees that Gi-Ja has been keeping himself busy by holding back a bunch of dagger-wielding villagers. All of a sudden, a convenient earthquake strikes and everyone’s trapped.

– The story seems to imply that Hak and Yona has some sort of telepathic connection whenever she’s in danger. Unfortunately, if I know my Pokemon, thunder isn’t very effective against stone.

– Yona bemoans the fact that she’s scared and lost without Hak. Not very independent, huh?

– The villagers continue to blame their woes on the Blue Dragon some more, but it’s nothing we haven’t heard before. You know, they’re cursed by the Blue Dragon, he killed a bunch of soldiers, so on and so forth. The story is just repeating itself now. Like I’ve said before, the pacing is way too slow. We don’t need to spend this much time on each of Yona’s recruits, especially when we have a kingdom to take back.

– As the episode is about to end, the Blue Dragon triumphantly emerges from his dank pit. He’s going to save them all somehow, but not before a scared villager lashes out and knocks the Blue Dragon’s mask off of his head. As a result, Yona has one more thing to marvel about: his eyes, yo!

Detachable Migi is the best Migi.

– So what did Shinichi want to do? Tell Satomi that he had canceled on their movie plans to try and save Kana? I suspect she probably already knows about it, but like most anime characters, I suspect she’ll bury her insecurities until they become too much to bear. Point is, she’s going to explode on Shinichi again some day. The only question is when.

– Looks like some man is following our hero around. Kana’s father looking for answers? An investigator hired by her family? A reporter looking for the next big story?

– The politician and his parasyte friends are undoubtedly bad guys. Not only that, Shinichi’s worst nightmares are confirmed: they are setting up safe zones to allow their kind to safely eat humans. This isn’t really coexisting with humans, and as I have mentioned in a previous post, at some point, all the missing persons cases will have to arouse someone’s suspicion, shouldn’t it? It looks like they’ve got quite a few parasytes with them, and that’s a lot of mouths to feed. The body count — or rather, the lack thereof — has got to be stacking up.

– Plus, I’m a little disappointed that we’re now halfway through the series, but we haven’t met a single full-fledged parasyte that has decided to make the sacrifice and eat non-human food. Mamoru and his buddy are different, but like Migi, Jaw can just sustain itself off of what his host eats.. Everyone else, on the other hand, has been relentlessly eating humans. They’ve even gone so far as to win an election to facilitate this! I mean, if the future of the parasytes is truly at stake, then it seems the safest thing to do is to bite the bullet and just learn to eat other things. But then again, I suppose someone could ask us why, after so many years, most of us haven’t taken the bullet and become vegetarians…

– It’s interesting to hear one of them remark that the dead parasyte was an animal for giving in to his hunger. How are they distinguishing themselves from “animals?” Is it their logic and intelligence that sets them apart? I ask this, because some people would distinguish themselves from animals through their ability to be moral. We haven’t seen a parasyte entertain such a idea, though. On the one hand, they’re like this new species that has suddenly attained intelligence out of nowhere, so in a way, they’re still earning the ropes. It’s asking quite a bit of a newly intelligent species to pontificate on moral quandaries, especially with regards to their own actions.

On the other hand, the ones like Migi are devourers of human knowledge. At some point, they must have come across all sorts of moral teachings — from Confucianism, which is still deeply embedded in many aspects of modern East Asian cultures, to the various ethical positions found in Western analytical philosophy. Why is it that they haven’t comment on any of it? You can’t argue that they are logic-bound creatures, and as a result, they don’t concern themselves with ethics, because a lot of these ethical positions, especially in the West, are designed to appeal to one’s logic. Kant’s categorical imperative, for instance…

– Anyway, the group now views Shinichi as a threat, but for the time being, Reiko convinces them to let her take care of the matter herself.

– Reiko has already given birth to her child, and during the day, she has hired some unassuming old lady to take care of the baby. At one point, the baby is crying uncontrollably when Reiko returns home. She grabs the baby by its head — luckily, she doesn’t try to lift it up — and commands it to stop crying… and it does so. Maybe the truth is, the baby’s just happy that its mom is back. Nevertheless, Reiko apathetically remarks that she has trained it well, and this behavior naturally disturbs the nanny.

Okay, two things. First, for someone who is very concerned about the future of the parasytes, why does it seem like Reiko fails to notice how freaked out the nanny is? Second, and this is related to the first point, for someone who tries to fit in with human society, this is a bizarre thing for Reiko to do. In all her research, she’s never noticed that nobody commands a baby in such a way? I just find her actions here inconsistent with her previous characterization. I mean, if she had issued her command to the baby in private, it’d be no big deal, but for her to be so blase about her behavior around another human being… it just doesn’t jive with me.

– Oh well. Reiko says that she wants to experiment on her own child, but she wants it to grow up a bit before she’ll do that. This seems to imply that a baby wouldn’t survive what she has in mind for her experiments. Nevertheless, will Reiko end up bonding with her child as a result of this?

– Many people, including Shinichi, will insist that the parasytes are emotionless creatures, and as such, someone like Reiko is incapable of bonding with her own child. But y’know, a lot of our behaviors are instinctual. And again, the parasytes are a species in its infancy. It hasn’t had to luxury to be instinctual about anything. There’s nothing to suggest that over time, a parasyte like Reiko can’t attain maternal instincts.

– We learn that the man from earlier had been hired by Reiko to observe Shinichi. He finds nothing out of the ordinary about our hero, though. As a result, Reiko sends a bunch of hooligans to pick a fight with Shinichi. Of course, he beats them up and does it rather easily. It’s almost like Reiko is more concerned with convincing her investigator that Shinichi isn’t ordinary.

– Yuko is predictably put-off by Shinichi’s behavior, but I don’t think find his lack of emotions all that bizarre. Not everyone reacts to tragedy the same way. Not everyone will cry or fall into a depression because a friend has died. This is especially true of guys who are often told by everyone around them to man up and not show their emotional vulnerabilities to the world at-large.

– I think the sad truth is that a lot of men will react to the death of a loved one much like Shinichi: distant and cold. It could be that he’s good at burying his true feelings these days, but you never know if they’ll resurface at one point and overwhelm him. We don’t exactly know how he’s coping. We just know that he simply is.

– You know what’s even more bizarre? Good friends not asking Shinichi how he feels. If he’s being cold, why don’t you… y’know… ask him about it?

– Ah, it seems that Reiko wants to induce Migi out of hiding. Her investigator is always filming Shinichi, after all, and if Migi ever shows himself to the world, the man would no doubt have it on film. If Shinichi’s a threat to the parasytes, having footage of Shinichi’s deepest secret is great leverage. Knowing that Shinichi can now beat people up without directly relying upon Migi, however, Reiko is more intrigued by her subject matter than ever.

– We finally see Shinichi’s father again, but he’s busy working on something in his room. I guess the guy’s already over the death of his wife. Or if he isn’t, the story doesn’t feel the need to address it in anyway. I’m still disappointed, however, that they played up his tragedy and loss only to abruptly ditch it.

– Our hero returns to the scene of Kana’s death to try and let her tragedy sink in. He wants to mourn her death. Unfortunately for both him and Migi, the investigator spots the latter. Migi’s first instinct (the parasytes have at least that) is to kill the man, but Shinichi literally holds his buddy back. I know our hero is a goody-two-shoes, but what does he intend to do if his secret gets out? Will he accept being on the lam, ’cause he won’t be able to live his normal, high school life if the investigator ever tells anyone else about what he’s seen. I mean, Migi’s not wrong…

– One option is to just destroy the camera. Then it’ll be the investigator’s word against Shinichi. For people who have already suspected that something’s off about our hero — like Satomi, for instance — this will just confirm it in their minds that Shinichi is tainted in some way. But for the vast majority of the people on the planet, he’d be safe for now.

– Shinichi: “We can’t kill a human being, no matter what the reason!” Uhhhhh… that’s just foolish.

– The next day, a paranoid Shinichi doesn’t even say hi to Satomi as he rushes to class. At this point, I dare say he should just stop worrying about romantic relationships altogether, because it’s clear he’s got too much on his plate to be a good boyfriend. Few people would ever admit that, though.

– After school, Shinichi starts to freak out for a second… before he calms down again. He then laments the fact that it’s always like this nowadays. He always calms down, and this seems to imply that there’s something inhuman about him.

But if you talk to anyone who’s afflicted with anxiety, they would love to have what Shinichi has. I’m personally not a very anxious person, but I’ve been told it’s like having your own mind attack itself, and there’s nothing you can do to convince yourself that everything’s going to be okay. So I don’t know, I think Shinichi’s is taking his gifts for granted. I don’t think being human means you have to be an anxious ball of anxiety. Why can’t he be a human in other ways? Take, for instance, his unrelenting bias that he can’t harm any humans for any reason whatsoever, but he seems to have no qualms in believing that the parasytes are guilty until proven otherwise. That’s a pretty human flaw if you ask me…

– Shinichi calls Satomi all the way out to the park — y’know, where it’s not safe and someone could be listening in on them — just to talk. It’s not like people have cellphones, the internet, or anything…

– Satomi wonders why Shinichi doesn’t tell her everything. I don’t recall her, however, ever asking him to tell her everything. If she has, then the story has dropped the ball and failed to convey this. If she hasn’t, and she merely expects him to just voluntarily spill his guts to her, then she’s being a hypocrite, because she has held onto her own misgivings about him all this time. Yes, she’s now asking him directly, but this sort of thing should’ve been done with a defter hand. Satomi could have coaxed the truth out of Shinichi this entire time. Instead, she just dumps everything on the guy at the same time. Is it any surprise that his first instincts are to dig deep and say nothing?

– Still, like I’ve said, he can’t really be a good boyfriend right now. That’s not an indictment on his character. Lots of people will have shit to deal with, and as a result, they can’t be there for others. Simply being busy with life is enough for many couples to put their relationships on hold.

The truth is, good, healthy relationships require a lot of work and attention, and Shinichi just can’t be there for Satomi. He should let her go for both his sake and hers as well. He should sort his own life out, before he even entertains the idea of being with someone else. I doubt he’ll come to that conclusion, though.

You know that feeling when your dad brings home two hot anime babes to be your little sisters? Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. And oh yeah, I’m publishing this post early, because I care. In the future, though, the posts will up later in the day.

– Food usually looks delicious in anime. Not in this show, though. Good lord, not in this show. Abandon all hope, ye food lovers.

– Meet Basara, the dude who’s about to get two sisters. Meet his father, who looks as though one of those 90’s anime catgirls have been undergoing hormone replacement therapy.

– Naturally, the restroom at this restaurant that they’re at is conveniently unisex. I’m not saying that this doesn’t happen. I’m just saying that it’s convenient. Why? ‘Cause how else are you going to walk in on your future imouto pulling her panties up in public?! Of course, she can’t lock the door, and we’ve got a ready excuse for that! Besides, it’s hard to worry about such things when you’ve got a javelin of light sticking out of your ass. Anyway, her name is Mio.

– God, everything about this show is so ugly.

– Yeah, this is a good idea, dude. This is how I always quiet girls in a public restroom:

– Here’s the other imouto, ’cause you can’t have just one!

– And after a short introduction, our hero wakes up the next day to this. Did someone say something about a checklist of harem anime tropes? ‘Cause yeah… they’re not even clever about it anymore: “I thought a boy would like being woken up like this.”

– Ugliest anime boobs in recent memory.

– Ugh. Is this a light novel adaptation? Yes, yes it is. She also gets mad at him for owning an eroge.

– Check another item off of that list of tropes. She then knees him in the balls, because he’s such a pervert!!! Just because she was riding him cowgirl style just a minute ago doesn’t mean anything either.

– So the story goes something like… these girls were attacked by weirdos, and as such, they need Basara and his father’s protection. But of course, his father is an adult, so he’s going to make a hasty retreat from the story so that our hero can live an unsupervised life with his two new “sisters.”

– Check. And apparently, Maria was the one who got that eroge for Basara as a move-in present.

– Time for the hero to heroically defend his hot anime babe from jerks. Yawn. There isn’t even much of a narrative here. We’re just jumping from one trope to another in quick succession.

– Speaking of jumping from one trope to another, we’re now at the one where the couple shares a nice view of the city. It’s like a thing in anime, apparently. Anime characters just fucking love cityscapes. And they always act like it’s this special thing that they’re sharing with you. Instead of real actual intimacy, look at this sweet spot that I’ve found!!!

– Remember that hasty retreat I was talking about earlier? Yep. This shit writes itself. Just add water and heat for two minutes in the microwave. Ah, nothing like instant shitty harem anime in the coldest winter.

– But when our hero reenters his now unsupervised house, he learns that his imoutos aren’t just any regular pair of imoutos! Maria’s a succubus! Yeah, it’s still not original. As for Mio, uh, she’s apparently the next demon lord. Well, we gotta fit a demon lord into this generic-as-shit story somehow, right? The only difference here is that the harem lead isn’t a demon lord candidate himself…

– Haha, fourteen minutes into the episode, we finally get the OP. It’s full of naked characters, because that’s provocative or something. Nothing screams sex like shiny anime characters with a distinct lack of genitalia.

– Basara’s standing in the presence of demons, but his biggest concern for the moment is that Mio had been lying to his face. Y-you mean you didn’t need my help from those jerks?! Y-you mean you didn’t appreciate the amazing view I showed you earlier? I don’t know what is real anymore!

– Blah blah blah, there are demons and heroes. The two demons here have chosen Basara’s shitty home as their base of operations in the human world.

– What the girls don’t know is that Basara has powers of his own! Special powers! He’s… a hero!

– He tells them to leave, then afterwards, he — like so many generic heroes in these generic harem anime — has visions of his troubled past. The differences between this story and Absolute Duo‘s is minute at best.

– Basara quickly learns the truth from his father. Mio’s the daughter of a peaceful demon lord, but he died and now, demons who don’t want to be peaceful are after her or whatever. I’m sure I’m missing a few details. I’m sure I might also be wrong about a thing or two, but really, do you care? ‘Cause I don’t. Long story short, Basara can’t kick her and Maria out. In fact, he’s gotta go protect them right now! Ah, if only he knew where to find the girl…

– B-but she wasn’t lying about dat cityscape! As a result, she takes Maria to see it before they must leave this quaint, little town! Take in that view, people. It’s fucking majestic!

– Unfortunately, the moment is short-lived as they are quickly attacked by ugly dogs or whatever.

– Maria: “Keep struggling uselessly, and make me wet!” Welp, I haven’t been updating “Say What?” lately, but I guess I should now.

– An enemy knocks Mio over a ledge, and she starts thinking, “Oh no! I can’t die here!” Naturally, this gives Basara the opportunity to heroically arrive just in the nick of time to catch her falling body. Puh-leeze. If she’s a fucking demon lord candidate, are you really telling me that a little fall would kill her?

– Then when the girls ask him why he’s decided to help them, he answers that he simply came to get his family. He even has the picture file open and ready to show off on his phone and everything. What a beast.

– Anyway, that’s it for the first episode. Am I glad I decided to do away with Harem Hill this season? Could you imagine blogging these light novel adaptations all in one day as opposed to spreading them across the week? Yeah.

Tokyo Ghoul… √A? Yeah, I’m just going to call it Tokyo Ghoul in the body of these posts from now on. Anyway, before I start talking about the latest series, I thought the original was decent. I’m just not sure I wanted to see the story continued because the show looked like it was devolving into a generic shounen towards the end of the previous series. Sure, the final episode turned things around… but the two weeks preceding it were pretty damn bad. So which Tokyo Ghoul are we going to see this time? The 75% that was good? Or the 25% that was an unmitigating disaster?

– I liked the previous OP better. I really dislike the new song. I also liked the execution of the duality motif in the first OP. It was a bit on the nose, but a lot more interesting to look at than the stop-motion-esque movements and psychedelic morphing flowers that we get in the latest OP.

– I do like the tighter focus, though. I’ve never cared for OPs where the cast of characters are paraded onscreen. The minor characters are not important, so I don’t need to see them. Anyway, enough about OPs. They’re really not that important in my eyes.

– Just as I say that, however, the scene that follows the OP just happens to involve some of those minor characters that I don’t particularly care about. They just don’t lend much to the series. This is a story about Ken’s personal and psychological development. I don’t really care about Amon or some new ghoul who’s looking for the guy who took his arm.

– The story cuts to Touka and her brother, and that’s okay. I don’t mind the spotlight being on Touka so much. But a large problem with the last arc of the previous series was that it simply introduced and involved too many characters that I didn’t care about. Take that Juuzou kid, for instance. Or any of the other CCG members. Or the Aogiri Tree people that I hardly even know nor want to know anything about. Or people who should be dead but somehow come back to life anyway.

– The thing is, these minor characters simply have no depth to them, and how can they? We only get thirteen episodes at twenty-ish minutes of runtime apiece. The story is better served just focusing on the trials and tribulations of a small cast of characters, and not this menagerie that suddenly turned up towards the end of the original series. There are even more characters I haven’t mentioned, and that’s the crux of the problem. I have no interest in talking about them, and I certainly do not have an interest in watching them.

– Action has never been the show’s strong point. Its execution is pretty much textbook shounen. And this part definitely doesn’t look very cool.

– There’s something simultaneously abusive and incestuous about Touka’s brother biting into her flesh. That’s not to mention the fact that he’s straddling her and going on and on about power. Ayato doesn’t kill her, though. He shoots a bunch of sharp quills(?) at his own sister, but I doubt they would’ve killed her. It’s all just torture. Up until this moment, the two siblings largely stayed out of each other’s ways. I suspect he’s hurting her now because he thinks this will scare and keep her away. Ayato also can’t like Ken very much, because Touka basically put herself in danger’s way in an attempt to save the protagonist.

– So when Ken finally shows up to save Touka from her brother’s abuse, he turns it around on Ayato; he apparently knows the latter’s secret, i.e. why Ayato joined Aogiri Tree in the first place: “It’s for protection, right? What you hold most dear?” Right before he says this, Ken turns and watches a flock of birds fly off together. The Aogiri Tree are clearly a bunch of bad guys up to no good, but the story doesn’t exactly paint the CCG as the protagonists of the story either. At the end of the day, the conflict here is nothing more than gang warfare tearing a city apart.

Humans and ghouls are at each other’s throats, but they’re more similar than they would like to admit. Hell, we see in this very episode alone how those CCG dorks would allow those weird suits to consume them in order to gain more fighting ability. In order to kill ghouls, they have to become ghoul-like. They have to wield quinques. So what’s the difference between CCG and Aogiri Tree? It’s really just two different gangs fighting for control of the city. People will flock to one gang or the other for protection, but that’s all it is. No one here is actually righteous or moral.

Anyway, we all know Ayato joined Aogiri Tree because the organization is strong. It’s like when any wayward youth joins a gang because he wants their protection. The implication here, however, is that he can somehow become strong himself, and as a result, he can turn around and protect Touka, the person that he “hold[s] most dear.” This revelation infuriates Ayato, because he portrays himself as this “power rules everything” kind of guy, when at the end of the day, his actions are emotionally tied to his need to protect the one family member he has left. Having said that, I don’t exactly see what he’s done to protect her.

– Unfortunately, the encounter is cut short as the whole place comes crashing down.

– So after saving Touka, Ken hands her off to Nishiki, then walks away to stand in some debris. There, this waif-like Aogiri Tree member teleports around him. There’s pretty much no dialogue to this scene. I’m not exactly sure what’s happening here, but whatever did happen pretty much cemented his next decision.

– More characters, huh?

– He then returns to Touka, who tries to greet him as though everything is back to normal. But that’s the thing: she and Anteiku came to rescue him, but they were too late. They failed. The old Ken died. This new Ken is certainly different in a lot of respects, but the most important one is that he won’t be returning to Anteiku. In fact, he tells her that he’ll be joining Aogiri Tree. Of course, I can’t imagine him aligning himself with Aogiri Tree’s philosophy, whatever it is. As such, I wonder what he’s really after.

– Still, the Aogiri Tree members seem to welcome him with open arms… except Ayato, that is.

– Maybe he just wants to wear their sleek, new clothes. Still, he changed his outfit rather quickly, didn’t he?

– Anyway, this first episode had a bunch of fighting that I just didn’t care for. You don’t have to remove the conflict between CCG and Aogiri Tree. You just don’t have to draw it out for so long, or give these minor characters so much face time. The developments with Ken are interesting, and I can only hope that the story can stay focused from here on out. Let’s not get too bogged down by the need to have a Noah’s Ark of a cast.

Not quite the Nirvana baby, huh? But alright, it’s a new season, so let’s see what has changed. Surely, a lot has changed, right? Well…

– Abuse is funny, part one.

– Kousei doesn’t want to play the song that Kaori had picked out for them, and you’ll find out why in just a short bit. I mean, there’s really only one explanation, and it’s a rather predictable one. Nevertheless, Kaori doesn’t budge, because she has to have it her way. Man, there sure is a lot of teamwork in this partnership!

– Kaori later wonders why Kousei is reluctant to perform “Love’s Sorrow.” Can you guess why? Can you? Yep, that dead, abusive witch is back! Yaaaaay! Nothing really changes. Kousei is still traumatized. What? Did you really think a corny ass smile at the end of some performance would undo years and years of systematic abuse?

– Yeah, um, I wouldn’t make that claim.

– Hiroko then claims that Kousei’s singular act of defiance actually pleased his mother. Uh, I don’t know about that. That sounds a bit like revisionist history. That also sounds a bit like someone trying to push a certain agenda. It’s pretty obvious that Hiroko wants Kousei to live up to his piano-playing potential. As such, I wouldn’t necessarily trust that she’s being entirely truthful. Maybe she isn’t trying to deliberately lie to the kid, but I certainly think she has rose-colored glasses on since she used to be such good friends with the kid’s mother.

– And again, the story’s priority is all wrong. Our protagonist wonders if he can ever atone for his sins, and in response to that, Hiroko encourages him to keep playing the piano so that he can hear his mother’s voice again. Again, I don’t have a problem with him playing the piano. But why should he be forgiven? What the fuck has he done wrong? He’s the one who was abused. What on earth does he have to apologize for? For trying to forget his toxic, abusive mother? What on earth is wrong with that? This show, man.

– Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

– Abuse is funny, part two.

– The “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” duet was pretty cringeworthy.

– Kousei finally meets Kaori’s parents, and they get fed a bunch of caeki. And apparently, her parents know all about him. He’s a veritable super star in the competition world. But yeah, caeki. These shows are full of tropes in their own way.

– Abuse is funny, part three.

– I mean, what would people think if the genders are reversed? Oh, I’m not saying arguing that guys should be able to hit girls. I just want to know why we can’t stop being asses to each other. C’mon, stop hitting people and thinking that it’s funny.

– A friend wonders if Kaori and Kousei are on the music college track. After all, they’re not taking summer school and studying super mad to past all those exams like everyone else. Kaori confesses that she’s not thinking about the future. It’s just more foreshadowing that, well, she probably doesn’t have a future. Y’know, her illness and whatever. That doesn’t excuse her selfish behavior, but hey!

– In any case, it’s not something that Kousei is currently aware of. Instead, he continues to have a defeatist attitude about his love life.

– Abuse is funny, part four.

– Yeah, Kousei! Your childhood “friend” is right! Why did you have to drown and inconvenience her?!

– Holy shit, how can you write a line like this and not laugh at how pretentious it sounds?

– So the day of the gala concert has finally arrived, and Emi is being her usual tsundere self. The story is sneakily harem-like. Or maybe harem conventions have become so commonplace in anime stories that we no longer raise an eyebrow at them when they crop in places that they don’t belong. I mean, why is it that a story about a traumatized piano player also seems to have all three of the major female characters as a potential love interest?

– Somehow, Kaori’s a no show. They’re trying desperately to reach the girl on her cell, but she’s not picking up. Hiroko tries to ask if one of the performers would be willing to go on stage before Kousei and Kaori are suppoesd to play, but haha, look at this kid’s response:

He then goes on to say, “Her playing’s such a mess, no wonder her lifestyle’s all messed up too.” Good lord, this story is ridiculously over the top. It’s about possibilities or impossibilities. It’s about… tone, I suppose. And the story’s tone is laughably melodramatic.

– Anyway, Kousei is emboldened to show up the kid, so he claims that the spotlight will belong to him and Kaori instead. Yeah, you said it, man! Stand up for yourself! I just wish you could stand up for yourself more often, and not just to little kids that are deliberately portrayed as megadweebs.

– Anyway, Kousei takes the stage by himself. Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait until next week’s episode before we can see if he’ll really have to perform all by his lonesome.

Sex.

Sex.

Sex.

Sex.

Sex.

Sex.

If you ain’t here for the fanservice, get the fuck out of the club.

But now that we’ve got that out of our systems… some people are comparing this to Shirobako. I don’t really see it. They both do and accomplish different things. Yes, they’re both about creating something within the realm of anime fandom, but it’s also about the process. And Shirobako’s process is very earnest. Unfortunately, it’s also incredibly dry and mundane, but it’s earnest nevertheless. On the other hand, Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata is meta in a very different way. It’s meta in that “I see what you did there” sort of way. But there’s a problem with the “I see what you did there” mentality: it’s only good for a few wry smiles every once in a while. And watching this episode, that’s pretty much all I got: “Oh hey, I see what they did there… heh…” But a “heh” isn’t good enough. Well, it’s good enough for a web comic. It’s good enough in small, sporadic doses. As a full-fledged series, though? Ah, y’see, I don’t know about that.

But where are my manners? I haven’t even properly introduced the anime yet! Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata is about Blessing Software, an amateur group of friends that intends to produce a visual novel good enough to make a splash at the next Comiket. Of course, the main character is a generic-looking anime protagonist. And of course, he’s surrounded by a bevy of incredibly hot girls. But get this: aside from the supposedly nondescript Megumi, these incredibly hot and incredibly pretty girls are all otakus. Yep. They’re really into anime, too. Everything is as by-the-books as possible! But that’s, like, intended! It’s so meta! Even the girls’ haircuts are meta! You got the obligatory hime cut, the obligatory twintailed girl, the one with the bob, and of course, the nondescript girl has a ponytail. It’s just meta! Unfortunately, I’m not a wide-eyed kid anymore. What do I mean by that? What does being a wide-eyed kid have to do with anything?

What I mean is that being self-aware in and of itself is not enough. Being meta is not enough. Winking at the audience is not enough. By themselves, none of these things amount to anything more than a “heh.” It might be something to feel smug about, maybe. If you want to sit around in some dank corner of the internet, and smugly nod at similar-minded people who got the inside jokes and the meta references built into this anime, then maybe the show amounts to something for you. Maybe you can say that beneath all the rampant fanservice — which, by the way, is also totally intentional and meta! — the show is actually really smart, and what’s so genius about it is that the brainless masses will be impressed by the show simply because it has smooth animation and cute girls — which, by the way again, is totally what one of the characters even said at the start of the episode — but you’re above that. You see through it. You’re watching this Playboy for the articles.

At the end of the day, I’m looking for a statement. No matter what show it is, no matter what genre it is, no matter how meta it is… I’m looking for a show to express a particular viewpoint. And hopefully, that viewpoint is an interesting one. And now, we get to the crux of the issue: being meta is just that. You’re being meta. Now what? You’ve deconstructed the elements. Are you going to take those building blocks and make something out of them or what? Naturally, no one can judge Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata in just a single episode. Hell, it’s even episode zero. This post isn’t about judging Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata in just one week. In fact, I have no clue how the rest of the series will turn out. I’m writing all these words, however, just to counteract the idea that being self-aware means anything by itself. Being meta is not a thesis statement. It sounds like common sense, but sometimes, people lose the forest for the trees: you gotta actually say something to make a statement.

From my vantage point, these meta jokes don’t say enough to form any coherent viewpoint out of them. Like I’ve said, they’re good for a wry smile every now and then, but… meh. Maybe future episodes will say something. I don’t know. I’ll stick around long enough to find out (maybe). But one self-aware episode doesn’t mean anything.

Simply put, Leon was and is alienated until the final moments of this week’s episode. Until Alfonso stripped our protagonist of his rights to Garo, Leon was supposed to be the people’s savior. He was supposed to be the Hero of Light. Nevertheless, he suffered alienation from the very task that he was destined to fulfill. He was alienated by the heavy burden upon his shoulders. And who could really blame Leon? He never got to have a normal childhood. He never knew a mother’s life (directly). He’s had to be selfless when he could’ve been selfish. And y’know, before we fall to our knees and praise Alfonso for his heroism, we must remain cognizant of the fact that the prince’s environment probably had something to do with the upstanding man he’s become. And don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to downplay Alfonso’s greatness at all. Thankfully, someone was around to pick up the pieces when Leon succumb to his own tragic flaws.

But the truth is, Leon had a pretty shitty start in life. We often get to be selfish in our youth, but with our parents’ love and guidance, we eventually mature and understand our responsibilities. Still, that developmental period serves as an outlet for our immaturity. We get to be childish and self-centered, because we are still maturing. Leon never had that luxury. More importantly, however, I don’t know how good of a father figure German really was to the kid. We all like the guy because he’s charismatic, but let’s face it… we can’t really know whether or not he was the best father. But even if he was, the man had a hell of a task on his hand. I’m not saying it’s impossible. Plenty of single parents have raised their kids properly. But how many can say that they’ve raised their kids properly, trained them to become the Hero of Light, and also deal with the kid’s latent anger towards his mother’s killer? Yeah, none of us.

Even if German was more than perfectly adequate as a father, he had a Sisyphean task. And even when Leon did help people, they were rarely thankful. Often times, we saw these easily-frightened, superstitious folks run away from Leon in terror. It’s not a surprise that Leon became alienated from the true purpose of a Makai Knight, which was to protect and save the people. But what truly makes Leon such a fascinatingly complex character is that, up until the final minutes of this episode, he also carried with him a huge sense of entitlement. Garo was simply handed to him because he was his mother’s son. Yes, I’m sure it’s no easy task to defeat Horrors, but Leon has never really had to deal with any other hardship in his life. Has he received much education? Has he ever had to lift a simple tool until this week’s episode? Long story short, has he ever had to work?

Therein lies the problem: for all the trials and tribulations that Leon has had to suffer, he’s also spoiled at the same time. He can’t love the people, because he can’t truly appreciate what the people literally have to do to simply survive in this harsh, bleak world. It’s hardly a coincidence that German finds himself being treated by that lower class woman with a heart of gold — we’ve seen her pop up plenty of times in previous episodes — and at the same time, we also see Leon being treated by Lara, a simple peasant girl who spends most of her time toiling away on her late father’s farm. Like father, like son, eh? But there’s one crucial difference between Leon and his father: the latter actually cares about the people. Sometimes, German cares about the people too much, especially when the prostitutes. Having said that, there’s something to be said about loving everyone, including the people at the very bottom of society.

Jesus might even have something to say about extending a loving hand to beggars and whores. That’s not to say that German is Jesus. Oh, far from it. Naturally, German isn’t a perfect man, and he certainly gets sex out of his time with the prostitutes. Nevertheless, he doesn’t judge or reject anyone. We’ve seen how he refuses to even harm a hair on the very crooks and thieves that had scammed him. On the other hand, you always feel as though Leon has kept others at arm’s length. He’s friendly enough with children, but that’s it. He’s even cold and distant to his own father. As such, this episode is not just about teaching Leon to learn the meaning of hard work, it’s also about learning how to love the people that he was supposed to be protecting. Supposing it was Leon who had protected them from Mendoza’s machinations, these peasants wouldn’t even have the time nor the energy to be thankful.

Lara’s family is too burdened by debt to kiss the ground that the Hero of Light walks upon. They’re too tired after all hard day trying to till a dry and barren field to even know what goes on in the capital. They have nothing to eat but bread tough enough to chip a young girl’s tooth. Nevertheless, these are the people that Leon has to grow to love and appreciate if he is to dispel his alienation. At the start of Leon’s stay with Lara and her family, our hero still acts entitled. Instead of being thankful for the fact that they had saved his life and nursed him back to good health, he sullenly asks why they had bothered to save him. Lara even has to personally bring a bowl of food to him, because he was too emotionally bedridden to even feed himself. But over time, Leon grows to appreciate Lara and her family’s simple but no less difficult way of life. The turning point seems to take place when he questions Lara’s resolve:

Leon: “Don’t you get sick of it?”
Lara: “Huh?”
Leon: “Doing the same thing in a place like this, day after day. Don’t you ever feel like giving up on everything and going elsewhere?”

So how does Lara respond? By taking pride in her own hard work: “I’ve already planted seeds over there. Autumn wheat and rye. They’ll sprout when spring comes and in summer they’ll mature. Then we’ll harvest them.” She isn’t alienated. She has an outlet for satisfying work. On the other hand, being a Hero of Light for Leon is more like a status symbol, but nothing more. It wasn’t satisfying for him; rather, it was a burden. He also felt no connection to the people he was supposed to protect, so when his character was tested in the previous episode, Leon predictably and tragically fell to his personal flaws. Luckily, Leon gets the chance to more or less start over. Lara and her family know nothing about him. Hell, they don’t even know his name until the final seconds of the episode (when he finally reveals it to the girl). As a result, they have absolutely no expectations of the guy.

Most importantly, Lara and her family place no burden on Leon. They’ve been caring, nursing, and feeding him for days before they even ask him to do anything remotely useful around the farm. The point is, Lara and her family went above and beyond the call of duty. In a way, how they treated him is almost like… unconditional love. Lara and her family are almost like the family that Leon never really had. So in the end, Leon returns the favor, and what’s crucial to his development is that he does so organically. He does so out of true gratitude. He doesn’t help them, because he carries the burden of being the Hero of Light. Rather, he helps them like any child would eventually learn to help his or her parents out with the household chores. That’s why building the irrigation system is so important. Clear and nourishing water will run across the dry and barren land. Water is cleansing; water represents rebirth. Essentially, our hero is baptized.

Shortly afterwards, he regains his identity as Leon.

Stray notes & observations:

– Not going to say too much this week. I primarily wanted to focus on Leon, because, again, I feel that he’s a vastly underrated protagonist. He has realistic flaws and insecurities. He actually undergoes a hero’s journey that is truly fraught with setbacks, perils, and temptations. Most anime protagonists don’t really have to struggle all that much.

– I wonder if Lara will be a recurring character.

– Still, I would be disappointed if Alfonso somehow becomes a villain. I don’t think he will, but some people seem to suspect that this will be the case. After all, Garo will eventually have to return to Leon’s hands at some point, right? And what better way than to have the two cousins eventually face each other again in battle? But I think this is too predictable. Well, Octavia is still around, and I’m sure she’s up to no good. Hopefully, she can create enough trouble in Valiante that Alfonso never needs to compromise his values. He’s supposed to be Leon’s foil, after all. If Leon is the flawed protagonist, Alfonso can perhaps be the stalwart bulwark who nevertheless runs into trouble because his good-natured personality also leads him to be far too trusting.

– Alfonso sure is working hard these days, though. I think he needs to rest soon, ’cause he ain’t looking too good these days:

– After having two weeks to “sleep” on it, I still don’t agree with German’s decision to be so hands-off with his own son. I just think back to Alfred and the role that he played in Bruce Wayne’s life. The butler never hesitated to pick his master up whenever the latter would fall. I also don’t believe in the absolute that says that we must learn to stand on our own two feet or that we’ll never learn to stand at all. Sure, our parents let go of the bike at some point, but it’s not like they won’t look back if a car runs us over. Seriously, though!

– Emma and Garm share a few words, but their conversation doesn’t appear to reveal much. Emma’s presence in this week’s episode almost feel like a throw-in just to remind you that she’s still in this story.

– The new OP and ED are whatever.

“B-but what about Death Parade!?” In due time, man. In due time. It’s past midnight at the moment, and I’m dead tired. I’m blinking like a billion times per minute simply because I want to fall asleep that badly. Unfortunately, I have things to do, so I can’t afford to get some shut eye. Having said that, I’ll just wait until the sun is up before I set my sights on Death Parade. For now, this thing called Juuou Mujin no Fafnir will just have to do. This will be relatively quick and painless, right?

– We kick things off with some clumsy exposition, and… well, this sorry excuse for a kaiju in 2015. Long short story even shorter, Vel’koz and his buddies were tearing things up until little girls were suddenly born with the power to fight back. Uh, Black Bullet, anyone?

– People keep wondering how anime can afford to churn these crappy light novel adaptations out, but c’mon, does this look like it required much time or effort to create?

– Oh, a light novel adaptation, you say? Well gee, what are we missing so far this season? That’s right! We don’t have the one adaptation where the harem lead joins a school full of girls!

– Yeah, people with dragon powers in this universe are simply known as “D.” And guess what? The harem lead is the only male “D” in the worl–… hey, stop laughing back there! God, this is a serious story!

– Running into a naked girl on your first day of school, check.

– I mean, just look at that OP try to induce seizures in its audience.

– Blah blah blah, the heroine can’t believe there’s a boy here. Why else would she be so brazenly naked?

– So she summons a bunch of marbles. Impressive-looking stuff. Could this possibly be the worst out of the three harem shows we’ve seen so far? I’m sure the two remaining shows would just love to weigh in.

– The guy’s name is Yuu. The girl’s name is Iris, and then the harem lead’s estranged sister shows up. Even Iris can feel the tension. Yep, that’s what I’m talking about. The girls in Shinmai Maou no Testament aren’t really related to their harem lead, but it’s like a whole new fuckin’ world here.

– “Let me confirm how much you know.” == “I’m going to dump some steaming, hot exposition on your ass.”

– I’m not even going to parse the exposition. It’s not too much jargon, but I just don’t care. Girls have powers. Dragons will attack. That’s all you need to know.

– The school holds an assembly just to introduce the first male D to the entire school. That’s a good way to paint a target on the protagonist’s back.

– And even though he had just introduced himself to the entire student body, our hero finds himself doing it again for his homeroom. Speaking of which, his class barely has any students in it. They won’t even draw a bunch of faceless background characters.

– Ah, there’s the obligatory character who is dead set against having a male D in a school full of girls. I gotta say, however, that I share her misgivings. But the truth is, her words are hollow anyway. She won’t accept a male D, but we all know she’ll welcome the D with open arms soon enough. Blondes just put up a little more resistance. That’s all it is.

– All Ds have this special mark on their bodies that confirms their D status. Okay then.

– In any case, Yuu has to prove that he’s got D potential. As a result, he uses his powers to conjure up… well, a gun, of course. Now remember, kids… sometimes a D is just a D. But a gun on the other hand…!

– Everyone mocks the harem lead for brandishing a gun in their face. Apparently, it’s too.. direct? The male D has no imagination? On the other hand, female Ds almost require imagination.

– Uh, I sure hope so, buddy. No one wants a D that fires blanks.

– Iris stupidly tells everyone about how he saw her naked. So like every other story about a guy attending a girls-only school, people now think he’s a super pervert. It’s like that shitty Blade Dance anime all over again.

– The show continues to ejaculate exposition all over us. Apparently, one of the “dragons” is really Yggdrasil, i.e. a tree.

– Anyway, it’s time for everyone to train and stuff. Since Yuu’s D is inexperienced, he’s sitting this one out. He gets to watch as each of the girl shows off their D. But y’see, it’s like 99% imagination or something! For instance, mean blondie over here can conjure up a spear for her D, but it merely looks like a spear! It’s still 99% dark matter, so she can use her D to fire off powerful energy blasts! Wow! On the other hand, Yuu’s D literally fires bullets. How dull.

– I’m not going to cover all of the girls’ D. They’re pretty generic-looking Ds. You wouldn’t be very impressed with these Ds.

– Plus, to further cement the fact that this is one of the laziest shows I’ve seen in a long while, whenever one of the girls summon forth their D, there’s just this brief shimmering effect as the girls’ clothes go translucent or something before rematerializing. It just looks really sloppy and bad. Anyway…

– When it comes time for Iris to show her stuff, however, her D flops pretty badly. Nobody wants a floppy D.

– Haruka, the teacher/colonel, finally reveals the true nature of the dragons: they’re just looking for the right D for them. Apparently, when they find the right D, the D grows until it grows a RAGON. Then together, they can mate and wreak havoc or something. So Yuu better be careful, or he might lose all of his Ds to some dragon.

– Why was Iris naked earlier? Well…

– Later, Iris explains to the harem lead why she’s so upbeat and stuff. It’s a pretty generic backstory.

– When she learns that she reminds Yuu of his sister back in the day, the girl swears to try even harder, a concept that this anime knows nothing about. After all, the first episode isn’t even over, and it sounds like she already has a crush on the guy. But c’mon, where’s the goddamn causal link between a guy seeing you naked to you trying your best to get his attention.

– Anyway, an alarm goes off to warn the students that a dragon is headed their way. All of a sudden, Iris’s mark starts to glow. Whoops. Looks like Yuu’s first male rival has just arrived. Hands off my D, jerk!

– I don’t know, man… I think this is even worse than Absolute Duo and the demon lord one. This episode didn’t even have any action. We’re way beyond pale. Not only is this show generic, it’s poorly animated, ill-conceived, and oh yeah, it has the most snooze-inducing opening episode of the young winter season. Oh man, it’s bad.

– Heh… Ds…

A newlywed couple finds themselves in Quindecim, a rather peculiar bar that seems to exist in the middle of nowhere. They’re quickly told by Decim, the bartender, that they must play a game. More importantly, they will stake their lives on the result of this game. After some initial resistance, it is decided rather arbitrarily that the husband and wife will compete at the game of darts. And oh yeah: choosing to not play is not really a viable option. Having said all of that, I don’t want to bog this post down with too many unimportant details, so I’ll just cut right to the chase. After realizing that neither the bartender nor the game is a joke, the couple’s initial plan is to miss the rest of their darts, and thus quickly end the game. After a few deliberate misses, however, the husband sees what his fate would be if the game ends with their current score (483-495). He then hits with his next dart. From there, the distrust between them begins to snowball out of control. Startling revelations are revealed one by one, but the problem is, are any of them even true? Hell, Machiko says she’s pregnant, but is that even true?

The more we learn about Takeshi and Machiko, the more it becomes quickly apparent that their relationship was doomed to fail. The relationship falls apart as a result of the game of darts, but had they continued living their normal lives, I suspect they would have split up anyway. Still, I don’t think Takeshi hit that dart, i.e. the dart that ultimately sunk their relationship, on purpose, though. It’s hard to read his facial expression either way, but even so, there’s no reason to think that either of them are even good at darts. I think it’s entirely possible that you might hit the board even if you were trying to miss on purpose. After all, the out-of-bounds area surrounding the target is not particularly large. Screwing up is even easier if you’re under duress. And let’s face it: even if Takeshi was initially willing to sacrifice his life for his wife’s sake, no one can quickly accept their own mortality in the matter of seconds. Long story short, the game is obviously designed to test the couple’s trust for each other right from the get-go, and in the end, we know that Machiko won the game.

So what does she get for winning? According to Decim, she is sent to the void. Takeshi, however, gets to reincarnate. It’s a bit ambiguous, however, who truly got the good end. Reincarnation here would imply that we’re dealing with some form of Buddhism. I’m not particularly well-versed on the religion and its teachings, but a key part of Buddhism is to escape the endless cycle of death and rebirth, is it not? You want to achieve enlightenment and leave the mortal coil entirely, don’t you? Nevertheless, the void just sounds bad, but again, I’m not Japanese. I don’t know the actual word that was being used, and all I have to go on is someone else’s translation. The bartender tells them that they’ll be sent to either heaven or hell, and this seems to imply that good and evil is involved to some extent. Even then, however, the bartender’s words aren’t entirely reliable. If the void is supposed to be hell, then being reincarnated is hardly heaven. So ultimately, I don’t know who got it worse, and that’s probably what the story wanted.

Still, I feel fairly confident that the results of these games hardly matter. After all, why would going to either heaven or hell hinge entirely upon the results of some arbitrarily chosen game (it’s entirely possible, however, that the game is not chosen arbitrarily)? Why would reincarnation or heading into the void — either good or bad — depend entirely on a game of darts? As a result, unless there is strong evidence to the contrary. I will operate under the assumption that these games are just a tool to test these people’s characters, and ultimately, Decim gets to decide their fate. Of course, It’s just the first episode, so everything can change as the rest of the series develops, but we can change our stance as we receive new information. For now, the games serve as a battlefield for the struggle and conflicts between the participants. And although the ending remains somewhat ambiguous, let’s try to piece the couple’s story together.

The problem here is that everything seems ambiguous. Should we take the flashbacks at face value or not? Are they supposed to be reliable? Or are they, like anything that has to do with our memories, always imperfect and open to interpretation? I mean, this is the key question, isn’t it? We see a flashback in which Machiko is naked and crying in bed next to an apathetic individual on his phone. We can also see a wedding ring on Machiko’s ring finger, so this moment occurs after she had married her husband. At face value, we can assume that she really did have an affair, but she quickly regretted what she had done. But how reliable are the flashbacks? Can we even know for sure that this was a flashback, and not just one of the characters’ imaginations? These nagging doubts turns Death Parade into an anime Rorschach test, if you will. I suspect people will interpret these stories quite differently, and their interpretations will reveal a lot about their own character.

Some people have suggested that perhaps the guy in this flashback is just her clean-shaven husband, and she’s crying because he’s constantly checking her phone. It’s a familiar scene in dysfunctional relationships. We know Takeshi was always annoyed with his wife, because she was constantly on her phone and talking to someone else. This distrust even led to their deaths, after all. And perhaps he’s checking her phone shortly after sex because he couldn’t trust her. They had just had an intimate moment, and he still feels the need to snoop on her phone. That would destroy anybody; distrust is always poisonous to any relationship. Nevertheless, I don’t buy this theory. Why would the husband be clean-shaven here? Yes, he was clean-shaven when they first met, but not during the wedding ceremony and not during the car accident that ultimately killed them. As a result, I’m still inclined to take the flashback at face value.

Machiko’s facial expressions right before her breakdown are also somewhat ambiguous. She looks like someone who’s taking pity on her husband. Not only that, a series of flashbacks would seem to imply that she was truly in love with Takeshi, perhaps she decided that she would tell a white lie, and let the guy believe he had not killed his own child. After all, he had just uttered, “I killed my own child? That’s absurd!” The man she loved (or still loves) will torture himself forever with the knowledge that he had murdered his unborn son out of jealousy, so perhaps she wanted to spare him of that guilt. She thus took the burden upon herself, and admitted to an affair that never really happened. But why would we then see the flashback of her being in bed with someone? Is it the husband’s imagination? Or is the guy in the flashback really supposed to be Takeshi? Actually, I have a stronger reason to doubt Machiko’s story.

There is one key reason to doubt Machiko’s character long before we even see that memory of her crying in bed shortly after having sex with someone else. When Takeshi first told her that they could simply miss all of their darts, and thus quickly end the game, she says, “But if we do, then you’ll lose, honey.” He smiles and replies, “That’s nothing for you to worry about, Machiko.” And that’s that. We next see them missing a bunch of darts as if the matter had long been settled. But that’s the thing: there’s no way on earth that the matter would be settled between two loving people in a healthy relationship. They know what the stakes are. Decim has clearly explained to the husband and wife that they’re playing for their lives. Speaking from personal experience, I have yet to marry my girlfriend, but there’s no way she’d allow me to just die. There’s no way I could say, “Don’t worry about it, honey,” and we’d just go about our business. Nah, it doesn’t work that way. Even if Machiko was pregnant, if she truly cared about Takeshi, she wouldn’t have accepted their solution so quickly.

So was the story about Matchy really about Machiko’s friend Machida? Or did she just make up a really bad lie? I mean, Machida is real, right? This was supposedly her seat at the wedding dinner, right? Still, why would you wait until the honeymoon trip to announce that you’re pregnant? A woman has been pregnant for ten weeks, but she hasn’t told anyone? Not even her own mom or girlfriends? I mean, I guess it’s possible, but it’s just a little farfetched to me. On the other hand, it’s entirely believable that she would keep the news to herself if that baby belonged to someone else. Furthermore, this is the sort of thing that a loving person would’ve said immediately before they started playing the game. Their lives are at stake, after all. And as it would turn out, Machiko is potentially responsible for second life (let’s not debate when life begins in an anime post of all places). But she chose not to say anything until the very last minute. What? Was she still hoping to surprise him after all of this was over? I doubt it. I sincerely doubt it.

Besides, Decim must have known something. Look at how he quickly looks to the side as the couple embraced each other. He does this immediately after she utters, “I’m sorry.” Decim must have felt as though he was witnessing a farce. At the same time, however, he seems genuinely surprised right before Machiko’s breakdown near the end of the episode. It was as though he didn’t think she would go on her rant. Is he surprised because she’s finally admitting to her sins? Or is he surprised because she’s telling a white lie in order to spare her husband the realization that he had killed their unborn child? Ah, no matter how you try to look at it, Death Parade doesn’t want to lean one way or the other. Ambiguity looks to be the entire point of the series, and this would make sense. After all, ambiguity was all over the Death Billiards OVA. That’s why I was initially so surprised to hear Decim reveal where the husband and wife had ended up… until I realized that his answer was ambiguous, too.

Nevertheless, Death Parade is here, and so far, it lives up to the promise. Like I’ve said, it’s like an anime Rorschach test. What the writer really wanted to say is hardly as important as our own personal interpretations.

Okay, it’s not really a sequel, but I don’t want type out Aldnoah.Zero Second Season every single time I refer to the show. Anyway, let’s see how everything turned out.

– If I recall correctly, I was called pointlessly cynical for assuming that the main characters would survive the first season’s finale episode. Gosh, let’s just see if my critic was right.

– We’ve jumped nineteen months in the story, and that’s quite a long time to skip. I certainly hope the story doesn’t try to make up for that by feeding us a ton of exposition to fill us in on what we’ve missed.

– The episode kicks things off with some action in an asteroid belt. If you didn’t watch the first season or have somehow forgotten all about it, there’s an asteroid belt this close to Earth because the moon was blown up.

– Anyway, Aldnoah.Zero’s action has always been pretty slick. The story kinda sucks, but at least we’ll always have the battle scenes to watch.

– Oh hey, it’s our good ol’ buddy Slaine. The other characters ever call him sir! Has he been knighted?! But by who? Oh man, don’t tell me Saazbaum also survived. ‘Cause if he did, then c’mooooooon. How can Inaho be dead if Saazbaum is still alive and kicking? Anyway, you’ll be happy to know that Slaine is still obsessed over the princess. I can’t believe there are actually people on Team Slaine. Inaho might be autistic, but Slaine is mega creepy.

– Speaking of Asseylum, we see have give a speech in which she condemns Earthlings for not appreciating their own planet. That… that doesn’t sound like our princess at all. Yeah, the person giving the speech looks and literally sounds like Asseylum, but the real princess is too much of a goody two-shoes to say such a thing. She’s hopelessly, boringly good. This is not exactly an original story.

– What are the good guys up to, then? Sunbathing. That’s a good start.

– Unfortunately, the good guys seem to believe everything that they see with their own eyes. This is, however, the future where all sorts of digital trickery is possible. Of course, Rayet never liked Asseylum, but still, I’m certain that smarter characters would realize that the person giving that speech is not really the princess.

– There’s a lot of ass shots for a show about a war between two planets.

– Nineteen months, man. Nineteen months is nearly two whole years. And yet, these characters still look absolutely the same as when we last saw them. Would it have hurt to give one or two of them a different hairdo? Or to age a few of the characters just a tiny bit?

– “It’s a miracle he made it back alive,” they say. Ho ho ho, who are we possibly referring to?

– But we return to Slaine, who has come back from his successful mission. And of course, a perfectly alive Saazbaum is there to greet him. Well, that’s lame.

– A princess? So there’s a sister. She has a sister. If Asseylum will not be turned to the Slaine side, then perhaps she will. And also, is she bound to that chair? I hope not, because it seems like every mecha show must rob some poor girl of her legs.

– And yeah, Eddy is back with the bad guys. Like that’s a surprise. You can’t take the bigotry out of the bigot.

– This is some awkward exposition coming out of nowhere: “I have never bene pleased with the blood flowing in my veins.” Can you just randomly drop that nugget in a conversation? Anyway, she’s supposedly just a tool because she, like any member of the royal family, can activate the Aldnoah Drive.

– Back on Earth, our heroes are attacked by an Martian who seems to spread winter wherever he or she goes. A large problem with the first season was that it felt like a Martian of the Week struggle until the last few episodes. It just wasn’t very compelling to watch as we’d see Inaho constantly save the day by defeating enemies that never displayed any sort of personality (much like the main character himself). One can only hope that the second season can avoid these same pitfalls, but that’s doubtful. In any case, take a good look at the bad guy, because you won’t be seeing him again after this week’s episode.

– I mean, it’s possible if we have a new main character. For instance, a lot of you guys hoped that Rayet would take the lead for the second season… but I suspect a certain someone will be rearing his ugly head soon enough.

– Wait, what can this guy do? Reeeeally? Welp, whatever you guys say…

– So far, the long established pattern is holding true. At first, the good guys will throw a bunch of nobodies at the enemy. These nobodies have trained for a long time as soldiers, but alas, they will fail. A few more important — but nevertheless a second tier — characters will then step up and try to fight back. Their efforts, however, is predictably futile.

– Then when all seems lost, our savior cometh:

Oh man, how we’ve missed that monotone cadence of his! Good ol’ Inaho is back! Wait, wait, before we continue with the rest of the episode, let me quote that guy from months ago:

I just think it feels kind of pointlessly cynical to dismiss these characters as OBVIOUSLY NOT REALLY DEAD.

– Anime… anime never changes.

– Besides, Inaho has always defeated the Martian of the Week without fail, so why would he stop now? Dude would literally come back from the grave just to Gary Stu this shit up. With both Mahouka and SAO 2 being shows of the past, someone has to step up and fill the void. Who else but Inaho?

– After nineteen months and a direct shot from Slaine, our grizzled war veteran still looks… looks… looks exactly the fucking same as he did before he joined this war effort. Welp.

– Oh, but he’s totally changed, guys. He’s got a bionic eye now and everything. Yep.

– Oh come the fuck oooooooon:

– And just like that, the Martian of the Week is dead. One of the girls screams out Inaho’s name as the enemy mecha blows up. But at this point, ain’t nothing going to kill this Gary Stu.

– Heh.

– But wait! Our Gary Stu has changed! He can, uh, make small talk now. Slaine stole his girl and subsequently shot the autism out of him. That’s quite impressive, actually.

– We now get to see how everything had unfolded nineteen months ago. Slaine kept Saazbaum around in order to keep Asseylum alive. Supposedly, only the count had the means to do this.

– As for Inaho, he had taken a bullet to the head. Even so, the guy is so fucking overpowered, he had absorbed Asseylum’s Aldnoah activating powers somehow. And as a result, the unconscious hero still manages to save the day by getting the Deucalion to lift off. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

– The flashback is over, and Inaho is now watching the princess’s speech. Naturally, he’s the only person in the room smart enough to realize that he’s not watching the real Asseylum. We soon see that the Asseylum onscreen is none other than her sister. Just some trickery required.

– Well, we’ve seen Slaine, and he’s now a knight. We’ve seen Inaho, and he’s now Bionic Gary Stu. All that’s missing is Asseylum. The real Asseylum, that is. Where is she?

Ah, well there you go…

– Such a fucking creep.

– I suspect that Lemrina, desperate for approval, will fall in love with Slaine, but Slaine will remain forever obsessed with Asseylum. And of course, the Gary Stu never loses, so you know who Asseylum will favor… but that’s just the pointlessly cynical me talking again. So disregard everything you just read. This anime series is awesome!

– Say, whatever happened to that old dude with the PTSD…?

How much better would this show be if every single episode didn’t feel obligated to showcase one cool-looking toy smashing up some less important toys? ‘Cause I don’t know, man… I think the story might actually take shape if this was actually the case. But it’s a mecha anime, maaaaan. Hell, it’s not just any mecha anime. It’s a Gundam anime. So we gotta have robot action! Well, of course. I’m not saying we should get rid of all the battle scenes in this show, but these skirmishes — and they really are just skirmishes — just feel so pointless. Like I’ve suggested, they feel obligatory, and when that happens, you pretty much suck the fun and soul out of the action. Worst of all, the action is gradually divorced from the actual story.

Lately, I find myself sitting there, just waiting for the action to end so we can actually get on with the plot. I mean, Aida announced her intention to see Towasanga for herself two whole episodes ago. And yet, our heroes only manage this at the end of this week’s episode. I’ve been griping about the show’s pacing for quite some time, and it’s fairly evident now that the action is actually the root of the problem. The battle scenes in this anime don’t feel as though they’re an organic extension of the story. They feel like Tomino has to hit some kind of weekly quota before he can get back to whatever story he’s trying to tell. Like whoa, whoa, whoa… I know you want to advance the plot and shit, but have you wasted fifteen minutes of the viewers time on a pointless battle? Yeah, this week’s fight is just a time waster. Most weeks’ fights are just a time waster, though.

Reconguista in G has fallen into that dreaded trap where the heroes find themselves battling the Monster of the Week. But of course, there are no monsters in this show. It’s just the same, tired skirmishes over and over. If we’re not fighting Mask, then we’re just fighting another tired face. What happens this week? The Dorette fleet are still in hot pursuit of both the Megafauna and the Salamandra. After all, they’re not going to let our heroes get to the moon. Problem is, we just saw this same song and dance last week. So I don’t need to see this again. It’s just not compelling. I’ve been dying to see the moon, and I had to sit here and watch a bunch of space combat when I just wanted to see the moon, and finally, our characters get somewhere… and the episode is over. I’m so tired of this shit, man.

Some commenters act as if Reconguista in G’s detractors are failing to understand or decipher the story. No, that’s not the problem at all. The story is actually fairly understandable. It’s just that none of the plot lines will pay off until we are close to the very end. In that sense, the anime is playing a very dangerous game. Either everything is foreshadowing for that big payoff that the story will eventually reach… or the show will just fall flat on its face as nothing comes together. But until then, the show’s just not very enjoyable to watch. In the best case scenario, it’s one of those series where you look back and go, “Oh, so that’s what they were going for…?” But that’s the best case scenario. Who even knows if we’ll have even that. It’s a sad day when the best thing that this episode has going for it is lucid Raraiya.

Ange, Tusk, and Dragon Vivian wake up to find themselves in a strange new world… or, y’know, Japan. Oops. I’m getting ahead of myself. We’re not supposed to know that yet.

– I thought we’d get a new OP, but this is the only thing in this week’s OP that is new (I think).

– After the OP, which I hastily skipped, we find that Tusk has set himself to fixing up their mechas. Ange, on the other hand, hops onto Vivian’s back in order to scout out their surroundings. She eventually runs into Mount Fuji, but naturally, she doesn’t recognize the iconic mountain for what it is. She then spots a broken down Dawn Pillar and is convinced that they are currently in some version of the Misurugi Empire. Well, given what she knows, I guess that’s a pretty reasonable hypothesis.

– When she returns to Tusk, the latter tries to dispel the tension in the air, but Ange gets pretty goddamn worked up about the whole thing. The former princess is just so unlikeable. She seems to flip out at the drop of the hat.

– That’s when some robot suddenly rolls by with a message for survivors. They should make their way to the nearest shelter, ’cause we are obviously in some post-apocalyptic version of Tokyo.

– I’ve long accepted the fact that Cross Ange‘s animation is pretty subpar, but I still laughed out loud when I watched this moment in action.

– When they get inside the shelter, however, they find that all of the survivors have long died. This time around, I don’t mind the fact that the bodies are just grey husks. After all, they’ve been decomposing for quite some time.

– Eventually, our couple demands some answers from the shelter’s computer, which is somehow still operational. As a result, Ange and Tusk get a brief history lesson. Apparently, the world fell victim to a catastrophic World War Seven. In an attempt to end the conflict, a bunch of Villkiss-lookalikes tried to take matters into their own hands. The result of their actions are, however, predictable enough:

This is a Japanese story, after all.

– Our heroes then ask the computer how long ago this war supposedly occurred. The computer claims that 538 years have passed since humanity nearly wiped itself out. Welp.

– Then Ange and Tusk leave. What? That’s it? You have an advanced computer in front of you, and it seems to know a thing or two about the strange world around you guys. But despite this, you don’t try to ask it any more questions? Uhhhhhh…

– Because WW7 supposedly occurred 538 years ago, our couple suggests that perhaps the Villkiss had taken them 538 years into the future. Naturally, if any of us were in their shoes, we’d entertain all sorts of possibilities. Like, y’know, the idea that we’ve been sent to the past or perhaps even another dimension. But both Ange and Tusk aren’t exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer. Not only that, it’s like a poorly executed plot twist. If the characters keep thinking that they’ve gone 538 years into the future, then perhaps the audience will believe it too. Then we’ll reveal the truth, which will blow their freaking minds!

– Anyway, Ange continues to be her unlikeable self. She’s now in full denial mode, and she’s convinced that what the computer had shown her is nothing more than complete and utter bullshit. She overworks both Vivian and herself in an attempt to find anything that might help her case. Deep down, I suspect she knows that it’s the truth, but our former princess is still spoiled, so she’s basically throwing a tantrum.

– Eventually, the topic somehow turns back to Libertus, and Ange refers to Tusk as nothing more than Jill’s dog. I honestly don’t know why she’s so goddamn bitter about Libertus. Yes, to a certain extent, Jill is only using Ange because our heroine can pilot the Villkiss. But is that really so bad? Libertus, if it succeeds, will allow everyone to live in peace. How can anyone oppose that?

– Everyone has their limit, and Ange finally manages to draw an angry reaction out of Tusk. She says he’s garbage, and likewise, everything that he believes in his garbage. So the guy goes full-angst mode on us, because Ange essentially called his dead parents garbage for dying for a cause. Whoops. Riveting character development. One bratty princess and a personality-less hero who somehow managed to wander from of his own generic show and into this mess of a series.

– The next day, Ange sulks for a bit… until she spots some cheap, tacky shit in a rundown mall, and this encourages her to kiss and make up with her friends? But what can I say? It works on Tusk. Man, earthly possessions are the key to happiness!

– Later, they manage to find a hotel, but somehow, they don’t recognize the place for what it is. Ange thinks that the place was perhaps a castle for some aristocrat. C’mon, are you trying to tell me that her world doesn’t have anything remotely similar to a hotel?

– The hotel has clean, running water. How convenient for our heroes.

– Uguu, you don’t have to sleep in the hallway. You can sleep in this big, comfy bed with me! Or, y’know, the myriad of other rooms because this place is a goddamn hotel. Hell, even Vivian has a bed to herself, so I don’t even know why Tusk was initially going to sleep in the hallway. Maybe he was trying to guilt trip Ange into letting him share a bed with her.

– Dude has seen her naked, but he still acts like sleeping next to her in bed is a big deal. Welp.

– When he thought Ange had fallen asleep, Tusk tries to sneak out of the bed that they were sharing. Ange then asks if perhaps he doesn’t actually like her, but considering how much he’s molested the girl in the past, I very much doubt that this is the case.

– Tusk then tells us his life story, but I don’t care. I don’t care one bit about any of it. It’s just so generic. He basically claims that when he first met Ange, she managed to give his life meaning. It’s pretty corny nonsense. Nevertheless, his story seems to impress Ange.

– Uh, is that so? ‘Cause I mean, this doesn’t look the actions of a pure boy to me.

– Whoa, what’s going on, you guys?!

My word!

Even Vivian is freaking out. But alas, our couple didn’t get very far. They share a kiss and nothing more, because this asshole just has to show up out of nowhere and ruin the fun. Tusk got cockblocked by a dragon. Don’t worry about him, though. A creep always finds a way.

– These girls also come with the dragon, and they refer to our heroes as “false citizens.” More importantly, they welcome Ange and Tusk… to True Earth! Let’s not sit here and come up with any boring theories, though. We already know that Embryo is some sort of creator. We already know that he can wipe the slate clean if he’s dissatisfied with how the world is turning out. We already know that he can revive dead people as if he’s God. The story is unfolding in a pretty bog standard fashion. We don’t even need to sit here and think about what it all means. It’s pretty much spelled out to you.

– Anyway, Ange’s lesbian lover is not pleased whatsoever that our heroine nearly gave herself up to the generic shounen. So prepare yourself for some drama in next week’s episode.

– All in all, I still feel as though Cross Ange’s revelations are not that shocking and actually kind of boring.

Anonymous asked me on Ask.fm if I ever got around to watching the first season of Durarara!!, and the answer would be no. I was simply too busy this holiday season to watch anything, much less a series that was two cours long. But as you can see, I’m going to blog Durarara!!x2 anyway. Why? Well, why not? I’m sure this will piss someone off — like how dare I watch it without first completing the original series — but I figure that people are just going to get mad anyway. I mean, someone seriously suggested that I shouldn’t watch Fate/stay night – Unlimited Blade Works until I had played the visual novel. For the self-proclaimed fans of the world, nothing you do — short of unbridled praise for their beloved series — will ever be good enough in their eyes anyway. No, I get it. By not watching the first season, I won’t know anything about the characters or what had happened to them. By not watching the first season, I won’t be fair to them! Well, that’s my problem. In the end, if my posts on Durarara!!x2 is shit, then it’s on me and me alone. So why does it matter to anyone else?

I actually gave Durarara!! the five-episode try. I dropped it, because a compelling plot had failed to show up in those five episodes. Back then, I wasn’t interested enough in blogging anime to stick with a show even though I didn’t like it. If I didn’t like something, then poof, it was gone. These days, I’ll stick with a show long after it has worn out its welcome. Some people wonder why I bother with shows I don’t like, but Moe Sucks has never been about shows that I do like. ‘Cause if that was really the case, I’d only be blogging three shows this season. On the other hand, I want to capture a significant slice of every anime season, and that requires biting the bullet sometimes and watching shows that aren’t quite up to par. No, I’m not as comprehensive as I would like. I still won’t touch shows like The Idolmaster. But Durarara!! was no Idolmaster, and if I could go back in time, I probably would’ve blogged the entire series. Not only that, the show came out four whole years ago. A lot can change in four whole years. Maybe now that we’ve moved onto the second season of Durarara!!, I won’t have to sit through a bunch of setup and character introductions.

At the same time, I’ve certainly changed over the past four years. You want to know something? When it first aired, I actually thought Bakemonogatari was an interesting show. I definitely don’t think that now. Likewise, it’s just not a surefire bet that just because I panned the original Durarara!!, that I’ll pan the sequel as well. The point is, I won’t know until I watch the series with my very own eyes. Anyways, I’ve written enough of a disclaimer. Let’s actually talk about the show. Do I even remember anything about the characters? After four years, the only person who still stands out in my mind is Celty. If I recall correctly, she’s from Ireland, and some doctor dude is in love with her. After that, everything is a blur. Oh wait, there’s the bartender dude who is supposedly super strong. But yeah, that’s about it. So y’know, getting to know everyone else will certainly be a challenge, especially since I’m dropping myself directly into the middle of a story (in some respects).

Luckily (or unluckily), this first episode merely serves as a re-introduction to all of the characters. In fact, I can hardly discern any sort of plot. Watching it is basically like, “Oh hey, it’s that guy! And it’s that girl! And it’s that other guy. And then that other guy. And then that other guy.” Personally, I prefer a strong plot right from the get-go. I want to know up front what a story is about, then we can fill in the details later. Durarara!! takes the opposite approach. Here’s a colorful cast of characters, each with different personalities! Then eventually, after a few weeks of getting to know them, something akin to a plot might emerge. If anything, the first season had more of a hook. Before I lost interest, I sort of wanted to know if Celty would ever locate her head. I’m not sure what the hook is in the sequel. Maybe the mysterious serial killer who is known only as Hollywood?

To put it another way, the first episode is like a high school of reunion. If you had fun hanging out with those people back then, you’re going to have a blast this second time around… even if you’re not really doing anything. Even if you’re just sitting around, shooting the shit with some old faces you haven’t seen in a long time. That’s how I imagine a fan would react to this episode. It’s probably fun for them the same way that the first Durarara!! was fun. And it doesn’t really matter if we’re just catching up with some old friends, because goddammit, what’s wrong with just having fun? For me, on the other hand, I feel like the odd one out. I feel like I just tagged along with my SO to her high school reunion, and shit, I don’t know anyone here. I can’t really blame anyone, because I put myself in this situation (watching the sequel without completing the first season), but at the same time, it’s a little awkward.

Everyone’s talking to each other across the table, and I’m just sitting there. They’re referring to the good ol’ times, and I’m just trying to piece together some sort of picture with the limited information that I’ve got. Masaomi has disappeared off to some other place. The bad guy (sort of) is just waiting for something to happen. Celty and Shinra haven’t considered marriage, but they’re practically a common law couple. Bartender’s brother is so different that he was willing to cut his own fingers off. And oh yeah, that cop still gives no fucks, and will chase Celty to the ends of the Earth if he could. Some blue-haired kid shows up for just a second, but we don’t even have time to talk about him yet. What else am I missing? A lot, I’m sure. But this high school reunion isn’t over in just a night, so I’ll have plenty of time to lurk and suss something out of this series just yet… maybe. Maybe I’ll just give this sequel the same five-episode treatment. I’ll decide later.

But for now, I’ll just accept the set-up episode where relatively little happens, and see if something truly compelling grips me in next week’s episode. Unless, of course, all those recent anime references get to be too much. What am I talking about? I’m talking about this:

You know, I don’t dislike this. Not yet, anyway. It has its ups and downs, though. I’m not keen on the character designs, and by that, I primarily mean the witches and Artemis. The peasants themselves are not worth mentioning. They’re just minor characters. But the witches look like a bunch of scantily-clad teenagers. Scantily-clad witches? Yeah, I wouldn’t mind that so much. But why do they all have to look so juvenile. In Maria’s case, she’s just hit puberty, so my only beef there is that she’s constantly naked for whatever reason. But what am I supposed to think? That the rest of the witches are the same age? Or that they’re not the same age as Maria, but they’ve all decided on the witch’s code of presentation, and the number one rule is that you must look at best 16? Meh. Then don’t even get me started on Artemis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she’s a succubus. And gosh, succubi are seductresses, right? I know! How ’bout nothing but belts!

What do I think of the fanservice, namely Maria being naked for a lot of the second half of the episode? Well, I’m of two minds about it. First, at least some bland hero isn’t constantly tripping and falling all over her. Fanservice is especially problematic when there’s an extra rapey layer on top of it. In other words, the girl’s not just naked in her very own home. She is naked because maybe the hero “accidentally” ripped her clothes off. She’s naked so that the hero can “accidentally” peep on her while she’s showering. She’s naked for any ridiculous reason that feels like her privacy is being violated. Here, Maria is naked a few times, but she’s naked in her own home. It’s gratuitous in a sense, but… eh… there’s worse to gripe about, I guess. Still, I can’t deny that the premise leaves me a bit apprehensive. The first episode hasn’t quite gotten around to setting everything up, but if you’ve read the synopsis for the show, then you know what I’m referring to.

Speaking of the first episode, it spends most of its time introducing us to Maria and what she does. She’s a witch, but she’s a good witch. She will often help the nearby villagers out whenever they are in need of medicine. But more importantly, she hates wars. Our story is set around medieval times, and as a result, France and England are constantly warring something. Land, religious reasons, blah blah blah. I’m not a history buff, so I won’t get into the show’s historical accuracy. I hear it’s good for an anime, but from an absolute point of view, the story still has its errors and misconceptions. But like I’ve said, history is not my strong point, especially anything that occurs before the 20th century, so I’ll just leave it at that. The point is, Maria hates wars, so she constantly uses her powers to prevent these battles from ever becoming too tragic. Our heroine doesn’t manage to save everyone, though. It took her some time to actually get to the battlefield. So until then, the peasants were kind of shit out of luck.

I’m a bit surprised by the lack of gore. I don’t know much about medieval warfare, but like most conflicts, I’m sure it was deadly and brutal. In this show, it never gets bloody. So right there and then, I can’t expect much from Maria the Virgin Witch but a light-hearted atmosphere. So even though Maria ends up ranting about the Roman Catholic Church at the end of the episode, I wonder if the show can offer any sort of serious commentary. No, it’s not that serious commentary requires peasants to be hacked up in the midst of warfare. It’s just that… if you’re afraid of a little gore, won’t you also pull your punches when you need to address the weightier subjects? After all, it seems like the show has the Roman Catholic Church in its cross hairs, but between all the puerile sex jokes, especially about Maria’s complete lack of knowledge about what a succubus might do with her jaws, does the anime even have the time to make a salient point?

In the end, the first episode manages to introduce Maria, but it doesn’t quite get around to introducing her problem. Like I’ve said, if you’ve read the show’s synopsis before checking it out, you know that the angels will eventually get fed up with our witch for interfering with human affairs. So the angels thus decide that the witch will lose her powers if she loses her virginity. And oh yeah, she’s forbidden from using her powers in public. They then send Ezekiel to watch over her. Either way, it sounds like the plot to some cheap hentai. Combined with the witches’ rather juvenile character designs, I guess I’m just a little wary that we’re going to be inundated with a bunch of creepy sex plots when there’s a lot that the story could do with its premise. To be fair, however, the likeliest outcome is probably also the most boring one: we just get some light-hearted show that won’t really say much.

For now, Maria the Virgin Witch is okayish. It could be better, but it could have also been a lot worse. The animation seems okay for what the show is trying to be, but like I’ve said, I’m no big on the character designs. Maria might be an interesting character; she really piqued my interest when she went on that rant about La Pucelle, a.k.a. Joan of Arc, and how the church would eventually canonize the girl. But the rest of the cast, from the groanworthy Artemis to the sleep-inducing Joseph, isn’t really all that compelling either. I wouldn’t mind seeing a strong female character go against the establishment and everything. Still, there’s a danger here of the show being a little too on the nose with its commentary, because it’s also a light-hearted fare. Most of all, I wonder about the the show’s balance. Will it lean too heavily on the sexual jokes? Or will we get something meaty out of Maria’s story? I’ll stick around a little longer to see how it all plays out.

Another light novel adaptation? Surely, you jest. And actually, that is what you guys are saying to me. How can I stand this crap? Why do I keep watching these shows? Am I just secretly tsundere for them or something?! Please, don’t be stupid. Yeah, I like these shows… I like how they pay the bills. Okay, well, nothing about Moe Sucks really pays the bills. What I get from the site will never make any dent in my student loans. But hey, the site does have some upkeep costs, and the sad truth is that the bad shows bring in the most views. I mean, you guys constantly ask me why I watch bad shows, but why don’t we flip this around? In other words, why do you guys consistently read the posts about the bad shows over the posts about the good ones? That’s a rhetorical question, by the way. We all know why people will prefer to read about train wrecks over something that, y’know, we can actually enjoy. So if you still feel the need to type out some tired answer that we’ve all read a billion times before, just know that I’ll probably just skip over it whenever I get around to reading the comments.

Long story short, the bad shows subsidize the good ones. It’s just like real life, actually. I’m sure those Gary Stu series that we despise so much also happen to bring in enough cash to help studios fund other projects. The same is sort of true here. The bad shows keeps Moe Sucks afloat, which means I also get to write about the shows I do like. I know a lot of people don’t care about Garo. But maybe — just maybe — if I can people to read yet another sardonic, derisive post about some stupid, braindead harem anime, a small percentage of those same readers — a really small one, mind you — might actually take the time to check out some of my other posts. And at the end of the day, that’s probably worth it in my books. But alright, alright… enough bullshit. Let’s watch yet another harem anime series.

– Meet Moroha, the hero of the story. He likes to do a lot of remembering. Remembering is central to this show’s plot.

– Here’s a maiden in distress. Then here’s another maiden in distress. I hope you like BDSM.

– You heard them. They’re Saviors. That’s the official term for the good guys in this game. The bad guys? They’re known as the Metaphysicals. Yeah, I don’t even know. So what’s so special about being a Savior? Apparently, you can remember your past lives, and this somehow… gives you magical powers?

– What?

– Our hero then spends a copious amount of time writing some stuff into the air. When he’s finally done, his sword starts to glow “impressively.” Are you excited yet? I sure am.

– Wow, that’s very deep.

– But the excitement stops there. That was just a little teaser to hopefully get you interested in this amazing new anime adaptation. Now that you’ve seen a bit of what will happen later in the story, won’t you now join us and see how it all started? And of course, it all stated when our hero first arrived at an academy to train Saviors. Yep, this is fresh and original… just like two of the other light novel adaptations that we are watching this season. So far, the show about the demon king girl is the odd one out.

– Moroha is supposed to be listening to his principal at the opening assembly, but the dude can’t help but fall asleep. In his dreams, he sees himself being a strong, gallant knight. And this strong, gallant knight is embraced by that pink-haired girl we had seen just earlier. Y’know, the one tied to a rock. Then we see the strong, gallant knight run head first into a bunch of bronze statues. Statues that can bleed. Then after murdering a bunch of people, he goes back to his fair maiden for his reward… uh, a tearful kiss?

– In the real world, however… oops, I mean, in the present timeline, right, right. Silly me. Anyway, back in the present timeline, the pink haired girl ends up headbutting Moroha instead. But fear not, light novel lovers. She’s not a foe! She’s none other than Satsuki Ranjou, and… well, you know how in other shows, they try to slyly sneak in incest by having the harem lead hook up with his stepsister? Like, it’s symbolically incest, but it’s not really incest, so it’s totally okay? Well, Satsuki is Moroha’s sister… but only in their past lives. In the present, she’s totally not his sister, so it’s kind of like incest…but it’s not! Yep, these light novels are all the same, but the one thing you can always count on is the clever ways these stories manage to justify incest.

– Quickly realizing that her oniichan from a past life is sitting right in front of her, Satsuki goes from tsuntsun to deredere in no time.

– But alas, every story needs a rival, so we now meet Shizuno, a.k.a. the big-boobied girl in chains from earlier in the episode. She brazenly kisses the main character, much to Satsuki’s chagrin. Oh, what a wacky cast! Weigh in on this, Moroha. C’mon, look lively.

– Wow, that’s a bit judgmental!

– Anyway, every school needs a giant coliseum where the students can do battle with each other. This anime is no different. The gimmick here, however, is that the coliseum exists in a broken space or whatever. So if you get injured in it, you’ll be perfectly fine once you return to the real world… ’cause we don’t want to have to deal with the consequences of having teenagers fight each other with weapons and shit. That’s just too hard to write.

– Inside the coliseum, their teacher shows off a very useful skill. Yep, this is the best light novel adaptation yet!

– The rest of the class tries to imitate him, but most of them don’t quite succeed.

– Oh I get it! It’s a poop joke! Very clever.

– Satsuki is different, though. She’s one of the more gifted students. Oh boy!

– The class, however, has a bully. He wants Metaphysicals to attack and kill people, so that the school would even allow a first year like him to fight. Naturally, Satsuki takes offense to this, because that’s just evil and shit. As a result, Satsuki tries to stand up to the guy. You know what that means. Yep, it’s voguing time.

– In the end, however, the bully humiliates Satsuki by cutting through her one-piece bathing suit.

– Afterwards, Moroha tries to cheer his imouto from a past life up, so she spills her guts to him. She has no friends, but it’s okay! She used to just dream about her past life and thus her oniichan all day long! Wow, healthy!

– She then admits that she’s not even trying to be a hero of justice. She was just trying to look cool in front of her oniichan. Uh, that makes it even worse…

– Still, Moroha seems to have cheered her up somehow… I actually forgot how, but shh. I’m totally paying close attention to this anime.

– Satsuki’s date with her oniichan is cut short, however, when the rival shows up and “forces” Moroha to motorboat her for minutes and minutes on end. No, you don’t get it. He totally can’t free himself. He’s completely helpless.

– Satsuki tries to do the same, but the dude complains that her chest is too bony. Welp.

– Afterwards, it’s Moroha’s turn to confront the bully. He demands that the bully apologize to Satsuki. Unfortunately, he is overwhelmed by his opponent’s “super speed.”

– When the girl hears that her oniichan is about to get in a fight, she dashes out of her room naked. But when she shows up to the fight, she’s fully clothed. This seems like a stupid gag that the studio somehow forgot about when they were putting the episode together. It’s okay, though. The bully threatens to tear all of Satsuki’s clothes off this time around. Classy guy.

– Eventually, Satsuki encourages her oniichan by promising him a kiss if he wins. All of a sudden, he remembers that he’s supposed to be a kick ass knight. He thus summons his real sword, vogues it up a bit, then crushes the bully. Yay… I love happy endings.

– But that’s literally the ending, so tune in next week to see more silly adventures at yet the third special academy in just this season alone.

– Man, where do they dig up these stories? Is there a book of shitty anime ad-libs or something?

First things first, I don’t really care what the guy’s name is. Since I started out by calling him Thor, I’m just going to stick with that. If this was actually a show worth caring about, I’d try to get his name right. But it’s not so that’s that.

– Anyway, when we last left off, Thor was highly uncomfortable about the fact that he would have to room with Julie. Well, right from the very start of this week’s episode, our hero is dismayed to find that his Duo partner has sneaked into his bed yet again. But of course, sharing a bed with a pretty girl is the last thing that any teenage boy would want.

– I’ve mentioned this before, but most shows can at least get the food right. Hell, even the bad shows can get the food right. Absolute Duo, on the other hand, is not one of those shows. Blech.

– It’s time to introduce some more characters, so our Duo shares a meal with another Duo. For some reason, Tomoe can’t help but comment on the fact that the hero eats nothing but meat. I guess that’s her schtick or something. Honestly, there’s nothing appealing whatsoever about a complete stranger walking up to you, then criticizing your diet. But this is a harem anime, so I guess the harem lead needs someone to mother him.

– The anime does this thing where if any of the female characters so much as move even a finger, their breasts will quiver. And of course, the anime always has to let you know about each and every single quiver. That’s just good storytelling.

– The other girl’s schtick is even worse than Tomoe’s schtick. So far, she’s only known for the fact that she’s cripplingly shy, and that she has giant breasts. Characterization!

– Anyway, Tomoe would like to discuss the fact that a boy and a girl are sharing a room with each other. This is not a particularly hard topic to talk about, but that’s because we’re in the real world and shit. In anime world, the girls can barely choke the words out. And just look at Thor. He’s actually deeply ashamed or something. Out of all of the anime that we’ve seen this season, he has to be the most pathetic lead yet.

– Eventually, Julie unknowingly implies that she and the harem lead are having sex, so Tomoe now thinks that Thor is a pervert. Well, that’s just par for the course.

– Back in class, the Playboy bunny disguised as a teacher is really just infodumping on us about how the magic in this universe works, but the show tries to dress it up as something really silly and wacky. How? With moments like these. Unfortunately, this scene still ends up being incredibly boring. We also learn that Julie is bad at writing Japanese, and… no, it’s still incredibly boring.

– Later, we’re in a P.E. class, I guess, and Tomoe has finally heard from Julie that she has it all wrong: Thor would faint if he ever had sex. Nevertheless, Tomoe feels the need to prostrate embarrasingly:

Very embarrassingly:

Maybe she’s been watching Cross Ange, and she decided to take some points from Tusk. Not to be outdone, Thor has some tricks of his own:

But of course, he thinks that this is totally inappropriate.

– Later, Thor and his buddy Tora watches as Julie and Tomoe do a bit of sparring. Apparently, both girls can fight. Thor then proudly announces his intention to duo it up with Tora. Just look at the excitement on the hero’s face. He’s just dying to get with a dude.

– Tora responds by uke’ing it up for a moment, but he’s not going to concede the top bunk to Thor just yet.

– Yep, that’s some impressive sparring out there, boys. And the girls should know best.

– Later that night, Julie sneaks into Thor’s bed again, then cries out for her papa. Yeesh. Plus, do these people not get cold or something? Where are all the damn blankets?

– Somehow, we get a montage even though it’s just the second episode. We also see that nobody really likes Julie. Oh man, I really feel for her. Nevertheless, Thor is confident that she’ll Duo it up with Tomoe, so he’s free to buddy it up with Tora. He somehow doesn’t notice that Tora seems a bit apprehensive about a potential partnership between the two of them.

– On the day that you’re supposed to announce or sign up your Duo, however, Thor learns that Tomoe will naturally Duo with her best friend, i.e. the girl known only for her big boobs. Oh no! What about Julie!

– He goes looking for her, but he can’t find her somewhere. All of a sudden, he hears a bell ring… from up there?! Are you serious? Do you have the hearing of a bat or something?

– Long story short, Thor and Julie form a partnership yet again, and the moment is full of corny shit that I don’t want to recap. And later, they sleep in the same bed yet again ’cause why not.

– Outside, we see the Playboy Bunny be all sinister and shit. Aaaaand end episode. Exciting developments, boys. Very exciting.

Caught in an invisible storm.

– Apparently, Sumika is now dead. But is she dead dead or anime dead?

– Buncha birds all over the place. The birds are coming from the flowers. I’m thinking doves since peace and love and whatnot. The doves avoid the bears, though. Maybe those are your two options: go from a flower to a dove, or get snipped and become a bear.

– Kureha is not at school, ’cause she’s busy practicing her aim by shooting at bears with fish in their mouths. A bit on the nose there, don’t you think?

– Back at school, Sumika’s portrait is placed in one of these drawers. More imagery involving triangles and the color red. Even Kureha’s home is a red “box” at the end of some corner. What does it all mean?! Well…

*vomits 10-page essay on gnosticism*

Relax, I’m joking. I’ve read some of the developing theories out there on the internet, but I don’t find them very interesting or compelling. Maybe the problem is that the subject matter just isn’t very compelling. More on that later.

– Anyway, Kureha supposedly lost someone close to her in the past. 99% chance it’s her mom. Does the girl live by herself? Where’s her father? Does the absence of males imply that the father is absentee or does he literally not exist? How does she manage? How does she support herself? Or are these details unimportant in the grand scheme of things? Should we just accept these conspicuous omissions from Yuri Kuma Arashi’s universe?

– Oh cool, it’s the Greek chorus.

– The brown bear sniffs the black bear’s ass as she complements the latter on her “gorgeous wild-animal smell.” ‘Kay. Then there’s this.

– Mitsuko is convinced that Ginko and Lulu are the culprits. Maybe. But if it’s that easy for those two to infiltrate the school, maybe there are other bears lurking about.

– Look at dem pretty eyes. Blah blah blah, if you get close to Kureha, the Invisible Storm will attack you. And if you don’t follow “the mood of the herd,” you get excluded. Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.

– Later, Ginko and Lulu barge their way into Kureha’s home, and insists that they start living there. Kureha doesn’t put up much of a resistance. A bunch of fanservice follows.

– It feels like it’s eternally Valentine’s Day in Kureha’s house.

– Okay, this is the second time I’ve seen a girl shove another girl to the ground, then shove her knee up to the other girl’s crotch. Is this supposed to be sexy? Provocative? Or just tired pandering? Speaking of which, why is Kureha not resisting? Is she unable to resist? Is she being overpowered? More rapey undertones in yet another yaoi/yuri work? Par for the course, I guess.

– Ginko was just about to make her move with Kureha doing absolutely nothing in return, but Mitsuko just had to show up to the house with her own rifle. I guess they hand that shit out like candy.

– The bears escape out the window, but Mitsuko gives chase. Then another anonymous phone call compels Kureha to head to the school’s rooftop yet again.

– Elsewhere, Rabbit Girl is fuming with jealousy over Mitsuko possibly being in love with Kureha. Sigh. Why do I seem so exasperated? Well, we’re almost there. I’ll explain once we get there.

– It turns out that Rabbit Girl is really another bear. Great.

– And now, Kureha has her rifle with her. As she marches her way to the school, we see flashbacks involving her and Sumika planting lily bulbs. Exciting stuff.

– I told you we’d see this over and over. But I guess I get the backgrounds now. The normally colorful setting belies the true nature of the world, which is all about creating walls and shit. And of course, the rampant construction suggests that the world is getting boxed in even further. We’ve already seen several instances of people being boxed in.

– She reaches the rooftop and comes face to face with Konomi, but she doesn’t know it’s really her. She just sees a bear. Unfortunately, all that target practice didn’t help. The girl has the aim of a stormtrooper.

– She then gets “knocked off” again… so you know what that means. Yeah, it’s nectar-licking time. Long story short, yuri is approved (as if it wouldn’t be). And yes, we have to watch the full transformation scene again. So if you’re yuri approved, you become some bear-human hybrid and simply lick at a girl’s metaphorical flower. Then I suspect they aren’t responsible for Sumika’s death then, because it seems like she was eaten by someone who stayed a bear. Why do you have to be yuri approved? Because otherwise, you’ll become a sexual predator? I don’t know, man. Lulu seemed pretty rapey earlier…

– When Kureha returns to the real world, she finds herself standing before Mitsuko, who has just shot Konomi-bear right through the head. Is this really the last we’ll see of Konomi?

– They frighten easily, but they’ll be back again… in greater numbers.

– And now, Mitsuko makes her move on Kureha. Then it turns out that she, too, is a bear. In fact, she’s been eating lots of girls, but “invisible” ones weren’t tasty or whatever. Pure girls are boring. You need one that won’t back down on luuuuuuve. You need one that is excluded. Just earlier in the episode, Ginko said that “sad and lonely tears taste like a treat.” Now, Mitsuko compares excluded girls to pomegranate and honey.

– But if she’s the one responsible for Sumika’s death, then who were the two bear eating behind the garden?

– And was she always a bear? Was Konomi always a bear? Or did they become it at some point when they each became possessive of another girl? Do we erect walls to keep love and emotions out? Does corrupted love turn you into a relentless predator? Does true love make you some sort of furry hybrid? Ah well.

– The truth is, I’m just not feeling the anime. It’s not about getting or not getting it. It’s that, unlike Utena and Penguindrum, I simply do not enjoy this show from a narrative standpoint. The characters are fucking terrible. They have no personalities beyond the stock ones that they’ve been given. Yeah, we’ve only seen two episodes, but nevertheless, they’ve barely received any development. With Ikuhara’s previous works, the mystery enhanced a story that was already strong. Even if I didn’t know what the fuck I was watching in Penguindrum, I could at least relate to the characters on an emotional level. Here, there are no emotions to relate to. Kureha is sad and angry a lot, but there isn’t anything truly heart-rending here. There isn’t sadness, there isn’t romance, there isn’t even true, palpable rage. No one does anything that makes me think, “Yeah, I totally get what she’s going through.” There’s just one esoteric moment after another, glossed up by a bunch of girls kissing girls moments. But ironically, I’m missing the love. We’re lacking any sort of true love for anything here to even be considered LGBT. All this talk about love and I don’t feel a single shred of it. There’s a bunch of teasing nibbling and shit, but I don’t see any real, meaningful lesbian love here.

Like shit, Kureha is terribly worked up about Sumika, but we don’t even know why she loves Sumika. It’s just a fact of the matter, and we’re supposed to just accept it and get behind her as a character. But it doesn’t work that way. The siblings in Penguindrum received a ton of development right from the get-go. In this show, Sumika gets killed instantly, and all we get are these shallow flashbacks. Yeah, symbolism is nice and all, but at the end of the day, I still need something human to relate to. Seriously though, can anyone actually say that they feel for Kureha’s plight? ‘Cause what’s the point of metaphors and symbolism if your storytelling can’t even convey the greatness of her loss to the audience? What are we doing, then? Just playing mind games for the sake of it? I fear that everything is convoluted in order to cover up the fact that the underlying narrative is threadbare and really fucking mundane. The show needs to be gimmicky, because it has no substance beneath all the repeated stock footage and strained symbolism. I really hope that’s not the case, but I’m not seeing anything to the contrary after two episodes.