We get a rather forgettable episode this week. 

— Suspicions abound. People are beginning to wonder if Ken and the alien invaders are actually one and the same. To be fair, it’s not exactly easy to believe our hero’s story. Nobody can verify any of it. It also doesn’t help Ken’s case much that he shares a lot of similarities with Fusnarnie. They have similar weaponry, and a neural thingamajig have been installed in their bodies.

— A pair of familiar-looking agents show up to interrogate Fusnarnie. As expected, the latter doesn’t say much. Efidolg is not a home planet, apparently. Instead, we’re all a part of “it.” What is “it?” Your guess is as good as mine, because Fusnarnie only gives the agents a creepy smile in response. Great.

— It’s one of those slower episodes where we tie up some loose ends and laying the foundation for future episodes. Ken is troubled, because he feels as though he’s seen Fusnarnie before. Marina still thinks he’s trying to confess his love to a girl, so she gives him some advice. Luckily, it proves to be useful later anyway.

— 2real4me

— We then see Akagi expressing his desire to become a GAUS pilot. He’s told by his teacher that he’ll have to go to college, however, to pursue this career. Eh, we kinda already know this won’t be the case. Eventually, we see Akagi get the high score on some mech-based arcade game. We laugh, because we think a video game can’t adequately prepare someone for real-life mecha piloting. But as Akagi leaves, someone else crushes his high score. That someone else is none other than Sophie. Hoo boy. Again, Kuromukuro is just laying the foundation for what’s to come. Nothing too exciting here.

— Back to Fusnarnie, he refuses to give the agent and thus the audience anything to work with. He continues to be arrogant and dismissive, but at the same time, he insists that they, i.e. humanity, the UN, the Black Relic, etc., just give in to his organization’s demands. After all, their duty is to “[bring] prosperity to uncivilized planets.” Golly, why wouldn’t we want that?! You’re really making your case there, buddy. I’m guessing wherever Fusnarnie’s from, he’s never heard of the saying, “You catch more flies with honey.”

— Fusnarnie repeats what we already know. They’re here to recover some sort of “hinge” that broke apart, they think the Black Relic has betrayed them, blah blah blah. And oh yeah, he wants to talk to Ken.

— So when Ken and Yukina arrive at the UN headquarters, the agents immediately want to question the guy.

— Again, same old story. Invaders came, people died, the princess was kidnapped. What do we learn? He and the princess formed a blood pact right before he piloted the Black Relic for the first time. We’ve already suspected that Yukina is some sort of distant descendant, but I guess this makes it a little more official. Still, it can’t just be blood, can it? Otherwise, her family members should share the same affinity…

— Also, we get a better look at the person or demon who may have betrayed Fusnarnie and his pals. It is also likely the same individual who saved Yukina a couple of episodes ago.

— So the agents don’t believe Ken, and Fusnarnie breaks his own left hand to free himself from his shackles. He proceeds to kill the soldiers guarding him, then retrieves his personal effects from the laboratory. The Longarm immediately comes to life and starts moving towards its owners’ location, sounding alarms across the base. Everyone readies themselves for battle, but Yukina is somehow on her own, and ends up bumping into Fusnarnie.

— Not much to think or say about this episode. It isn’t high on character development, nor is it high on plot developments either. It merely serves as a forgettable bridge between major plot events, which is a shame. Any loss in momentum is a shame. I can’t say I’m too excited to see next week’s episode.

Sorry for the late post. I hope it’s still Monday for some of you.

Big Order Ep. 9

Iyo tries to bang Eiji, but he can’t get it up because he’s too busy thinking about his sister or something. Whatever. The details regarding his impotence aren’t particularly important. Also, it turns out he has false memories. He’s not the one who caused the Great Destruction. Rather, Sena was responsible for it. So why does Eiji think he’s the bad guy? Lemme guess… he took the fall for his precious imouto, right? Way to wimp out, Big Order.

In any case, Gennai wants to open the gate, because it’ll lead to a world where mental states take, uh, precedent? Basically, if you wish for something, it’ll come true. Eiji counters that this is a contradiction. After all, what happens if you have two opposite wishes? Daisy responds that a new universe would simply be created to accommodate both wishes. In fact, an infinite amount of universes will spawn as a result of opening the game. Hoo boy. How do I know the gate hasn’t already been opened, and the events I’m watching now are just someone’s wish being played out? I don’t! In fact, I’m not actually real and neither are you! Whoa man, we’re just part of a computer simulation!

Ahem. Next week’s episode should be the last, so tune in to watch Eiji crush everyone’s dreams.

Endride Ep. 11

Our RPG party must brave some boring, featureless dungeon in order to reach Babel. Legends have it that devils dwell in these four towers. Legends. In reality, we don’t get to see any cool demons or, well, anything cool at all. Nope, we just get to watch our heroes engage in some boring rock-climbing and maze-traversing. And when they reach the top, there’s a boss fight against the Delzaine-allied Zoozians. Hoo boy.

Our heroes slowly gain the upper-hand against their foes, so Louise is forced to reveal her true colors. She’s only betraying them, because she needs money for her family, guys. Don’t get on her case. In fact, I want her to kill Demetrio, because that dude is such a Gary Stu. He’s a great fighter even though he doesn’t have a Warp Relic. He’s an inspiring revolutionary, but at the same time, he’s confident that he can just negotiate with Delzaine without shedding a single drop of blood. He initially wanted revenge, but he quickly realized it was a bad idea. And oh yeah, he already knew Louise was selling them out to the enemy. Is there a single bad thing about this dude or what?

In the middle of all of this, Emilio slips away from the rest of the group, and finds himself face-to-face with Delzaine. The episode ends there. Gosh, I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Gakusen Toshi Asterisk 2nd Season Ep. 11

Julis’s brother wants Ayato to marry her. He may as well tie the knot now, or she’ll be pressured into an arranged marriage. Naturally, our couple is not thrilled to, well, become an official couple. Yo, I thought they were already an item. Dammit, Twitter is always lying to me. Julis’s brother also wants her to stay out of the next Festa. If her popularity keeps going up, then she’ll replace him as the ruler of their made-up European country. But wait, Jolbert claims he’s not actually being selfish in requesting this. Rather, if she becomes the ruler, she would just get frustrated with her inability to help the poor! Oh oniichan, you’re so thoughtful!

An emotional Julis runs off to that orphanage she loves so much. It’s supposed to be a safe space or something, but when Ayato notices and mentions a nearby greenhouse, the girl runs off yet again. This time, she spots a car driving by with Orphelia, a childhood friend of hers. What timing! I’m definitely paying attention to the anime, because when they started talking about Orphelia, I was like, “Who?” One thing leads to another, and Julis tries to break Orphelia’s badge. But what do you know? Yet another midget girl in this anime is the strongest fighter ever. Neither Ayato nor Julis is a match for this emotionless girl… for now.

The “special” effects for Orphelia’s powers are especially bad. They’re just one blurry purple mess. I guess if we call it “miasma,” we can phone it in. Next week’s episode is also gonna be this show’s last, so don’t feel too bad, A-1 Pictures. This is gonna be all over soon, and you guys can stop pretending to care about this ridiculous “war” that has long since lost its plot.

Hundred Ep. 11

Little Garden is in trouble! Killer bees! Core-less Savages also known as Replicants! Vitaly mind controls Krovanh and his two friends into helping her against their wishes! Oh no!

Yeah, there’s not much to say. There’s action, but that’s about it. Character development is at a standstill, and you can even say the same about the plot. I mean, technically, nothing really happens. Our characters are just “under attack” for 20-plus minutes. There aren’t even face-palming harem moments to mock.

Netoge no Yome wa Onnanoko ja Nai to Omotta. Ep. 10

A school festival is coming up soon, so our club of MMO poopsockers would love to capture a fort and hoist a flag bearing their school’s insignia. This, however, will require our hodgepodge group to engage in PVP, which is a whole ‘nother world entirely. This is why I kinda have a soft spot for this anime. Yeah, it’s haremish in that the main character is surrounded by a bunch of cute girls, but at the same time, he has one and only one love interest: Ako. The other girls are nice to him, but they show no romantic interest in the guy whatsoever. Moreover, Nishimura is not some overpowered dork. He and the girls are PVE players, and they’re not even the best at that. So when it comes to PVP, they flat-out admit they’re not any good at it.

Well, Nishimura has some experience, but look, this is a far cry from most anime series about MMORPGs. We all know Kirito was one giant Gary Stu to end all Gary Stu. No need for me to elaborate there. And even though Log Horizon’s Shiroe wasn’t much of a fighter himself, he was nevertheless this brilliant tactician that all the girls had the hots for. He’s more a harem lead than Nishimura if you really think about it. In comparison, Nishimura’s Rusian is just an average MMORPG character. In fact, they get their asses kicked over and over in their PVP attempts this week. So much that the rich girl simply says fuck it, and hires a bunch of mercenaries to carry them in next week’s episode.

Seisen Cerberus Ep. 11

Erin’s cover is blown, but Giruu reasons that it won’t do them any good to kill her. As a result, they try to leave the catgirl behind. Geez, you guys are a bunch of softies. At least confiscate that fancy walkie-talkie in her possession or something. Or ask the girl for some monetary compensation. But nope, our heroes just go, “See ya!” They then try to cross the harsh, punishing desert without a proper map or any adequate amount of supplies. At one point, Palupa almost falls into an anime Sarlacc Pit. Thankfully, Erin has been following them this entire time, so she saves the guy-… uh, thing, whatever he is. I guess that makes up for everything she’s done. By the way, what’s with big-boobed demi-humans playing the role of the traitorous information trader this season?

Eventually, a sandstorm splits the group up into three. Hiiro is luckily paired with Saraato, his number one fan. The kid’s about to die from dehydration, so the girl strips naked and allows dew to collect on her cold, naked body. She then collects the water and pours it into our hero’s parched mouth. Man, what a waifu! Cold-blooded and resourceful! I expect her to turn into a dragon at any point now. Unfortunately, the 300-year-old loli (or however old she is) is now fused with some lion-ish creature, and she appears out of nowhere to kidnap Hiiro. Desperate to save her beloved husbando, Saraato bangs on an obsidian-like rock structure, and this calls forth a dragon that will presumably carry her and the rest of the group to Nambuuko’s stronghold.

As for Hiiro, he gets to have a nice, little chat with the evil arms broker himself. Nambuuko reveals that he was the one responsible for the death of our hero’s parents. Well, I can’t say I’m surprised…

Where’s Boku no Hero Academia? You said you would blog it.

I hear you, buddy. That is a great observation. Boku no Hero Academia coverage — and I’ll even throw in Sousei no Onmyouji while I’m at it — will be included when we launch “Monday Blues Infinity, version 2.0.”

When will that be?

TBD.

After putting in so much effort to rescue Kyouka, I half-expected the story to now focus on the burgeoning relationship between her and Atsushi. It would be cool to see the two of them help each other continue to grow as characters. Hell, as much as I ragged on last week’s episode, Atsushi’s development took a huge step forward. Unfortunately, all that progress seems to have gone right out the window in this week’s episode. Last week, he went toe-to-toe with one of Port Mafia’s strongest members. This week, he’s back to a cowering scaredy-cat. I don’t get it. As for Kyouka, the fairer half of our dynamic couple, she barely has any presence whatsoever. She briefly cosplays as a maid, begs the President to let her join the Agency, and that’s about it. Granted, Kyouka has a strong reason to join the Agency. She wants to prove that she’s more than just a killer, yadda yadda yadda. We just don’t get to see that now. Maybe later. Maybe in some future episode. Rather, this week’s episode proceeds to deal with two short and unrelated stories. In fact, I almost wonder why they didn’t each get their own episode, but I’m getting ahead of myself. First things first, what happened to Akutagawa?

Well, our Dracula-wannabe managed to survive last week’s ordeal, but he has been badly injured. A voice rattles off a long list of his injuries: a fracture here, an avulsion there, first degree burns on top of it all, so on and so forth. But on the bright side, at least his hair and face are relatively unscathed. What would anime be without its pretty boys? Anyways, to make a long story short, Akutagawa isn’t a god within Port Mafia or anything. If it’s more convenient to sacrifice him, the organization will do so. Needless to say, he’s made a lot of enemies in order to fulfill his missions, so if said enemies come for him, Port Mafia can and will turn a blind eye. And that’s exactly what happens. It’s up to Higuchi — remember her? — and their underlings to rescue their comatose leader. As you can imagine, my question is why… why save this guy? Higuchi herself will admit that Akutagawa has treated her badly, and yet, she’ll get herself killed if it means she can save him. And when she finally does save him, she tearfully and proudly confesses that she’s just doing her job. C’mon. Obviously, she loves him. But again, why?

I don’t know much about Akutagawa. He used to come from the slums or something, and Dazai was once his mentor. The guy also seems to have some sort of persisting illness. Other than that, however, the guy is an enigma to me. I can’t relate to him or his personal motivations at all. So imagine, then, what I must think of Higuchi. She’s a goddamn black box compared to Akutagawa. She’s hardly gotten any screentime, and when she does get the spotlight, it’s only in relation to Akutagawa. Her character doesn’t and probably can’t exist on its own. I’m not even sure if she has much of a personality. So it’s completely mystifying to me when this young, beautiful-looking girl who’s clearly talented nevertheless throws herself in harm’s way just to save Akutagawa of all people. Why does she bother? What is she getting out of that relationship? Well, that’s the anime’s job, isn’t it? It’s supposed to tell me why I should care for her and her slavish devotion to the guy. And yet, because this story only takes up half of the episode, Higuchi and her motivations remain a mystery to me. Shouldn’t her story get its own episode? I guess not. Oh well.

Speaking of getting its own episode, Atsushi teams up with Kenji to investigate a case. Somehow, a car exploded and flew into the side of a building. The details surrounding the case aren’t particularly important. Some gang is responsible, but I doubt we’ll ever see their faces again. Why? Because the only point behind this half of the episode is to help us get to know Kenji a little better. Our country bumpkin drew the short straw, though! Tanizaki and his sister got an episode (sorta). Ranpo got an episode. Yosano got an episode. Hell, Kunikida got two! Kenji only gets half. Slightly less than half, actually. So really, I don’t gain much of an insight into his character. He’s a happy-go-lucky dude, and he has superhuman strength when he’s hungry. If you feed him, however, he goes to sleep. Okay then. Also, he’s popular with a lot of random nobodies. An old woman thanks him for some boar meat he had given her, and… well, that’s pretty much it. Of course, the guy isn’t very interesting when he gets less than half of an episode worth of character development. I can’t help but feel that I’ll just forget about him by the time I watch next week’s episode.

In fact, let’s just forget about this entire episode altogether.

I heard you kids were clamoring for answers. Well, have I got answers for you! This finale episode is nothing but one clunky explanation after another. But oddly enough, it still manages to not answer all of the important questions. More after the jump. 

— When we last left off, Speedstar’s Nanaki had grown to a tremendous size due to his weird, clingy feelings for Mitsumune. We kick this episode off with everyone shocked and surprised that they can see his Nanaki. Why is that, by the way? Why are they able to see his trauma? Oddly enough, in an episode full of banal explanations, this is one of the few times we don’t actually get one. If I have to speculate, I guess our psychological scars are visible to others if it ever gets really bad. Let’s say I’m secure about my weight, so I become bulimic. When you’re in the early stages of bulimia, people don’t usually notice it. They only start to show concerns once it gets really bad, i.e. I end up weighing 50 lbs because I’m purging too often. So who knows! Maybe everyone can see Speedstar’s grandma for a similar reason! There, I provided an explanation. Woo!

— Somehow, Speedstar can also climb atop his Nanaki, and command it to kill people. Um, I’m not gonna try and explain that.

— So Mitsumune tries to touch Speedstar’s heart with his words, and this almost works. Unfortunately, Koharun steps out from the shadows, and starts provoking Speedstar again. Very lazy framing here, by the way. The giant Nanaki then goes out of control, and starts chasing everyone again except Koharun. I guess she’s immune. In any case, Mitsumune tries to show that he’s developed as a character by carrying Speedstar on his back.

— But what’s this? Mitsumune drops his walkie-talkie, and Koharun hears a familiar voice coming through it… that’s right! Kamiyama is her dad! Explanation time! The best part is Reiji shows up out of nowhere. Well, he’s a Nanaki so he can probably just teleport from place to place. But more importantly, he just starts explaining Koharun’s motives to her. I think she knows why she’s doing the things that she’s doing. But it would be weird for Reiji to just breka the fourth wall and start talking to the audience. At the same time, there’s no one else for him to talk to. As a result, he may as well speak directly to Koharun. Why is she exploiting people’s traumas? She’s doing this for her dad! If he keeps aging too fast, he’ll die! So if she creates a large enough Nanaki, it might, uh, amplify the other ones, and thus, they can locate her father’s lost Nanaki…?

— In the end, Kamiyama explains to his daughter that he’s perfectly happy in his current state, because even though he’ll likely die soon, he gets to use himself in his research. Why, that’s not selfish at all! Can’t blame Koharun’s reaction here.

— Also, people keep asking this question a lot.

— So we’re back to Mitsumune and company. They’re still trying to escape Speedstar’s Nanaki. All of a sudden, our hero trips while trying to carry his buddy on his back. That’s when Speedstar gets on his feet, and… uh, I guess he’s not psycho anymore. I mean, I just love how for the past three or four episodes, the guy has been this super jealous, super deranged clingy motherfucker who practically wants to wear Mitsumune’s skin. But I guess being carried by the guy has given Speedstar an epiphany. As a result, he stands there and explains to everyone (and the audience) that protecting Mitsumune was giving him confidence, so he accepts his Nanaki. And just like that, both Speedstar and his Nanaki are gone. Well, that was anticlimactic…

— Everyone’s confused by Speedstar’s disappearance. But it’s okay! Reiji’s here to explain everything! Speedstar’s back in the real world now! He’s good to go.

— Masaki is both shocked and happy to see Reiji, but he now gets to explain to her that he’s her Nanaki. How come her Nanaki is so smart, by the way? How come Reiji can talk and act on his own volition when all the other Nanakis don’t seem to have any smarts? Oh well. This isn’t an important explanation, I guess. Instead, we get a flashback to explain where Reiji even came from. He’s not even a cousin! He’s just an imaginary friend the girl used to have. She came looking for Nanaki Village, because she wanted to see if there was a way to make Reiji real.

— Masaki is unable to accept the painful truth, so she runs off. Reiji thus sends Mitsumune after her. After all, at the end of last week’s episode, Masaki called out Mitsumune’s name for help. She used to always call out for Reiji, but for the first time ever, she… uh, she needs someone else’s help instead. As a result, Mitsumune gets to replace Reiji. Y’see, in order for Masaki to accept her Nanaki, she must also have someone to replace her Nanaki. Our poor girl can’t get over her imaginary friend by herself. Her void must be filled by a pathetic love interest! I mean, isn’t this kind of pathetic? She’s not really solving her own problems. She’s just going from an imaginary crutch to a real crutch.

— As Mitsumune chases after the girl, he sees some brown turd wearing Masaki’s ribbon. He looks in his hands and finds the ribbon she had dropped in that foggy place. By the way, we never learn what that foggy place was, but it’s okay. We have plenty of other explanations to offer. But to get back on track, Mitsumune realizes that he now has a new Nanaki. Yup, fucker accepted one trauma and replaced it with another one? At this point, aren’t we just making light of psychological scars now? Well, I wanna save my love interest, so I’ll just cry about her, and voila… I’m back in the village!

— Speaking of the village, Reiji stops by the place, and tells everyone the truth. It’s up to them if they wanna stay in this dumb place, but they may as well consult their Nanakis first! He explains that by going on this second life trip, people were leaving their past selves behind. So these Nanakis are just, like, sad. Bro, they just don’t want to be left behind. You can understand that, right?

— There’s that question again.

— Yes, yes it is.

— Back to Mitsumune and Masaki, we get more flashbacks about the girl and her imaginary friend. She just wanted someone to tell her what she wants to hear. Too bad Reiji’s imaginary. But like I’ve said, it’s okay, because Mitsumune can do that now! He’s spent all series white-knighting her, so you know he’s not blowing smoke. He’ll definitely tell her what she wants to hear. Cue blushing.

— So she calls Mitsumune’s Nanaki cute, and elsewhere, Reiji creepily smiles. Then bam, just like that, Masaki has accepted her Nanaki, so she leaves the village. Very anti-climactic…

— Back at the village, Lion still wants to stay. Others voice the same desire. So what if we’re running away! We have good reasons to run away! So Koharun, done playing the bad guy, pops out and explains that she’ll stay behind and research a way for everyone to stay without losing their identity. That’s… that’s convenient. I like how it was once a real danger that people could honestly die if they stayed in the village, and now, it’s… it’s not a danger anymore. Koharun said she’ll do some research, so it’s all guuuuuuuuuuud.

— But can we really trust Koharun? She tried to screw everyone over just to save her dad. She misled everyone about this tour. Are we really just gonna accept her back with open arms?

Oh okay, I guess it’s cool then.

— One girl says she’ll stay, so a guy says he’ll stay too. She blushes. Valkana then says he also wants to stay… to make sure Koharun isn’t a bad person. So she blushes. Fuck this anime, man.

— And just like that, the show is over.

— We see some wordless scenes during the credits. It’s like they ran out of money, and couldn’t bother to do the rest of the story. Here is the departing group, and here are the losers staying behind.

— We see Dahara lead people back through the forest… but what we don’t see is anyone accepting their Nanakis. After all, isn’t that what you have to do in order to leave? And it can’t be this easy to accept your trauma. Lovepon is haunted by memories of abuse. That one guy is haunted by the silicone boob in his head. And now, they’re just gonna walk out of the village? C’mon.

— But nope, that’s exactly what happens. They literally just walk out of the forest. I assume they accepted their Nanakis offscreen, but what a dumb way to end the story.

— Eventually, Mitsumune wakes up to find himself back on the tour bus along with all the people who were willing to leave. Speedstar and Masaki greet him happily. I guess they’re just gonna put everything behind them. Hey Speedstar, remember when you wanted me to be your slave and shit?

— Even the bus driver’s back. Everyone starts singing that hippopotamus song as they hit the road. We catch a glimpse of Kamiyama and Yottsun watching the bus drive by. I guess the latter is gonna stay behind with his God.

— Finally, Mayoiga is done for good. Good riddance. Do I even have a final word for this series? No, no I do not. I think this finale speaks for itself.

I can’t find any particular topic worth expanding upon, so I’ll just do quick thoughts and impressions this week. Of course, Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress isn’t without its flaws. It has plenty of flaws, in fact. By itself, the plot is really quite silly. The scene where everyone tried to prevent the train from flipping is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. At first glance, it looks like a cool scene, but it’s really quite stupid if you even have the most basic understanding of physics. It’s something you might find out of a brainless action movie. Nevertheless, I enjoy the show for its character drama. Yes, there is character drama. Personally, I find these characters interesting, and I like taking a closer look at their inner psyche. As a result, the silly zombie shenanigans don’t really bother me as much as it seems to bother everyone else. But this leads me to my next point: this episode is particularly low on character drama in my opinion, so there isn’t much for me to analyze. Mostly, it’s just moving the plot along, and well, this isn’t really the anime’s strong suit.

Alright, here are the notes I took as I watched the episode:

— What’s with the trippy sky?

— Biba and his army has taken everyone on the Koutetsujyo prisoner, because he needs their blood. After all, he’s hauling around a buttload of Kabane, and those Kabane need sustenance, I guess. That makes sense on one level, but that raises another question: what happens if the Kabane manage to wipe out humanity? Can they survive off of anything besides human blood? We humans are quite adaptable. We’re omnivores, but if we could no longer eat meat, we’d still survive. What’s to become of this world if humanity doesn’t succeed in fending off their zombie attackers?

— Sukari appears to be working for the other side, but he seems so disappointed by Yukina’s look of disgust. I can’t help but imagine he’s still working for his friends in secret.

— Some poor guy offers up more of his blood as long as they don’t draw any from his wife. As a result, one of Biba’s men simply lops off the poor guy’s left arm. Well, that’s just dumb. Now the blood is all over the floor.

— Elsewhere, Biba reveals his motivations to Ayame. Ten years ago, a 12-year-old Biba — yes, he was twelve — led hundreds of thousands of men against the Kabane. The campaign was initially successful, but eventually, supplies stopped reaching the front lines, and Biba could do nothing but watch his men die. A burning hatred for his father has been growing in his heart ever since, and he’s hellbent on getting his revenge. Okay, that’s fine and dandy, but why is this guy only 22? Why does anime insist on keeping its characters so young? I can sorta understand it when the protagonists are kids, because hey, you want the audience to identify with and relate to the heroes. But there’s no strong, compelling reason for Biba to be this young. For example, he could’ve been 32 instead! That’d make him a 22-year-old commander, and no one would raise an eyebrow. Plus, no 12-year-old looks like this. C’mon.

— Speaking of Kurusu, if he’s still alive, he’s gotta way, way behind everyone by now, right? They’ve been riding this train for how long now? Even if Kurusu followed them, he can’t move anywhere near as fast as a train. I still get the feeling, however, that he’ll have a role to play in the episodes to come, so it’ll be interesting to see how the anime explains his reappearance.

— I’d prefer it if Ikoma could just convince Mumei to come to their side instead of this whole “I’m bringing her back whether she wants to come or not.” Dude, chill. It’s not like she’s your sister or anything, and even then… Also, this whole scene is kinda basic. Takumi asks if Mumei resembles Hatsune, Ikoma’s sister. This is a connection we’ve already established weeks ago. Ikoma tries to deny any similarity, but his friend only gives him a skeptical look. Our hero then says that a voice is telling him to save Mumei, but he has no clue where that voice is coming from! Is it… is it God? Takumi simply goes, “Uh, dude, it’s you. You’re telling yourself that.” So Ikoma replies, “Oh lol yeah it’s me.” Yeah, I rolled my eyes at this scene. It has no subtlety whatsoever.

— Mumei is still trying to come to grips with the fact that her onii-sama is just a straight up oni. He reaches out to the girl with one hand, but she cowers from his touch. She nevertheless believes him when he claims that he won’t harm anyone on the Koutetsujyo as long as they remain peaceful. I mean, you can call the girl dumb, but we’ve been over this before. She’s an emotionally manipulated orphan, so what do you expect from her? As she leaves the room, Biba even mentions that the girl needs “very serious repairs.” In other words, she’s akin to a robot in his eyes, and she’s malfunctioning. They’re going to have to “reprogram” the girl to get her to be obedient again.

— Look at all these people gathered ’round Ikoma’s cage. I’m surprised that the guards even allow anyone to go near Ikoma.

— So the good guys hatch a plan to try and take over the train. Steam, you guys… steam is the answer to all our problems. And still shots. Don’t forget them.

— Ikoma goes after one particular guard for his set of keys. Um, the keys all look the same to me.

— Oh, there you go… Sukari never betrayed anyone after all.

— According to that same asshole soldier from earlier, a male Kabaneri is rare. Why? So far, I’ve only been operating under the assumption that Biba preferred to target young girls. Why? Maybe they’re easier for him to manipulate or something. Nevertheless, there seems to be a “scientific” reason why male Kabaneri are rare. Ikoma never underwent any sort of operation, though. He simply stopped the virus from reaching his brain during the initial infection, and supposedly, that did the trick. Maybe male Kabaneri can only be created au naturale.

— I know Ikoma told everyone that he’d take this guy on by himself, but that doesn’t mean they should just stand there and listen to him. I mean, what a waste of time. You can’t sit here and watch two people duel.

— Ikoma just knows the exact key to use for each car.

— Word of the uprising reaches Biba, and he tries to manipulate Mumei once more into doing his bidding. This time, however, the girl refuses, because her ties to the Koutetsujyo are too strong. Way to go, Ikoma. Way to get the girl’s hopes up.

— Man, check out that look of disdain and hate on Biba’s face.

— Mumei tries to fight her way free, but it seems as though Biba had limited her blood dosage. As a result, she collapses to the ground even though she hasn’t even been fighting for more than a minute. I’m just wondering why the girl didn’t notice that her blood dosage had been lowered. I guess you can only chalk it up to her being too trusting again.

— Eventually, Ikoma and Takuma reach the end of the line, or rather, the keys stop working. Biba then shows up with his men, and he reveals that in typical villain fashion he had seen this coming. Yes, he predicted it all! Not only did he know Ikoma would lead a revolt, it would happen on this exact day! That’s why he had one of keys swapped out! Man, what a genius! But if he knew the revolt was coming, why not just… prevent the revolt from happening in the first place? Like, I dunno, prevent Ikoma from communicating with his friends and allies? Give Ikoma a low enough blood dosage that he can barely fight even if he is still alive? I mean, if Biba’s such a genius, he could’ve just prevented this whole mess from happening in the first place.

— Biba takes aim, then fires a shot. Bam, Takumi somehow shimmied in front of Ikoma despite Ikoma’s superior Kabaneri reflexes. Our best bro is down for the count.

— Actually, let me first cry and get some words in before I really die.

— This entire time, Biba and his men are watching this tragic moment unfold, because apparently, our villain is gauging Ikoma’s reaction. If Ikoma had said the right words or whatever, Biba might have recruited him. But alas, Ikoma is a goody-two-shoes.

— In his blind rage, Ikoma charges wildly at Biba, and loses his right arm in the process. Yeah, there’s no getting that back…

— Even better, a now brainwashed Mumei stabs Ikoma right through the gut. It looks as though she missed his heart, however, so tsk tsk… she’s not a very good assassin.

— Plus, the train car is conveniently open for Ikoma’s “lifeless” body to tumble out. Again, Biba is super smart, and he even commands Mumei to kill our hero, but even so, making sure Ikoma is truly, truly dead isn’t, well, something a genius is capable of, I guess.

— With his last remaining ounce of energy, a dying Takumi reaches out and picks up that precious stone that fallen from Ikoma’s possession. So what’s to become of our best bro? Is he going to die? If so, what’s the point of him picking up the stone? Either he survives somehow, or they stupidly keep his body somewhere safe, and Ikoma can thus return and retrieve that precious stone. Either option seems silly to me. Or Takumi’s body can be dumped off the side of the train, and we never see the stone again, but I doubt that’s going to happen…

Anyways, that’s that. We moved the plot along, but without the strong character drama to prop it up, the show’s flaws are too difficult to ignore. This is probably Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress’s weakest episode yet.

It’s a good thing this anime is so pretty, because the story is so stupid. 

— In the cold opening, Noriko narrates to the audience. She tells us how she used to be all by her lonesome at the testing facility, but one day, a bunch of kids showed up. We know, of course, that this story eventually ended in tragedy, but at the time, Noriko and the other kids became fast friends. Everyone played together, everyone ate together, everyone slept together. They had so much fun that, as a young child, Noriko wished that those days could last forever. Now, imagine this very same opening without her narration. Nothing would change. The opening still would have made perfect sense.

If anything, the anime would engage the audience even more, because we’d now have to pay close attention to the images and the dialogue in order to glean the same information. I’m suggesting that the narration is completely unnecessary, and this is just one of the many examples where less is more. As a medium, anime seems to have an over-reliance on inner monologues and disembodied narration for no particular reason. Like why is she even giving this narration? Who is she talking to? Is she talking to herself, writing in a diary, or breaking the fourth wall completely? Or maybe — just maybe — we could just rely on the images and the dialogue to tell the story? Just a thought.

— I like the framing here.

— On their way home from the facility, Nico makes a rather commonsensical suggestion to Katsuhira and Hisomu. After all, they’re no longer linked by the Kizna system. If they want to share their feelings, they have to, well, do it themselves. That seems reasonable. In fact, that’s what we’ve been doing since the dawn of humanity. But that’s the bizarre thing about Kiznaiver. The show’s production values and presentation make it seem as though the anime should be more poignant, more profound, more meaningful than it really is. But at its core, it’s just a story about a bunch of high school kids learning the true meaning of friendship and basic human empathy.

— I also like this shot.

— Later that night, Katsuhira leaves Chidori a voicemail. He finally understands how painful it was for her to stand by his side. Remember when he broke down crying at the sight of his former friends? He can’t help but imagine that she must see him the same way he sees those five catatonic human dolls. He now realizes how much she was trying to protect him. That’s great. He finally understands her feelings. But why does it have to be this difficult? Why do we have to cook up some convoluted scenario involving unethical experiments in order for generic emotionless anime archetype no. 274445 to finally put himself in generic childhood friend love interest no. 683456’s shoes?

— Shortly after listening to Katsuhira’s message, Chidori finally understands what Tenga was getting at in last week’s episode. Oh man, empathy is so hard.

— Hisomu’s character is not very consistent. When they were trapped in the school, he reopened Maki’s old wounds and hurting the girl just for his own pleasure and amusement. But now, he’s apparently an understanding and supportive friend for Katsuhira.

— Did he learn something from that tumultuous night? Or is Hisomu just not a well-developed character? Ever since the start of the anime, he’s been a wild card, and it’s no different now. He just does whatever the story needs him to do. The plot needed him to stir shit up a couple of weeks ago, and that’s what he did. And now, he’s like the best bud Katsuhira can have. It’s just silly.

— Elsewhere, the mayor tells the two researchers that they need to do something drastic. They’re outta time, blah blah blah, we don’t want Noriko and the other kids to be put on display to the world, yadda yadda yadda. Obviously, the mayor is just thinking about himself. After all, if the world finds out about the Kizna system, is it necessarily bad for Noriko and the other kids, or is it necessarily bad for the mayor? The answer is pretty obvious.

— The following day, Noriko shows up to school. Katsuhira takes this opportunity to have a private chat with the girl. He thinks she’s asking for his help, but she calls him an imbecile instead. She claims instead that what she really wants is for everyone to share their pain instead of shouldering it alone. Why not both?

— The anime is beautiful, but Tenga’s shadow is not beautiful. Sorry, bud.

— Afterwards, Katsuhira calls a meeting with the rest of his friends. He begins to talk, and it’s kind of a rambling mess, but don’t take that as criticism. The kid is being emotional for once, so I don’t have a quibble with this part. The takeaway is that they had already been friends since the start of the summer.

— But more importantly, he’s really, really sad that he had forgotten about his old friends from the facility. Seeing and hearing Katsuhira’s pain, everyone else starts to feel a pain in their chest as well. B-b-but I thought they weren’t connected by the Kizna system anymore! Uh, maybe it’s called empathy? Maybe it’s called being a human? I mean, holy shit, why is this a strange concept? Haven’t you guys ever seen a sad movie before and felt sad? It’s not because you were connected with the movie!

— And this is exactly what Urushi tells them. The Kizna system can’t keep them connected for a long period of time. So when they felt Katsuhira’s pain, they were just empathizing with him. And congratulations, she says, because they’ve proven that… empathy is possible even without the Kizna system. Haha, what? Like, what is this? Did the Kizna system somehow made them forget what it is like to feel other people’s pain, and as a result, they had to relearn one of the very basic things about being a human?

— Noriko might have heard one of those catatonic kids say something. Or maybe she merely imagined it. Who knows! Gosh, isn’t this exciting? All of a sudden, Noriko can be heard through the city’s speaker system. It’s the same as before: she wants everyone to share their pain. Look, don’t bear the burden of your pain by yourself. We’re a community! We’re family! We can help each other! So again, she climbs atop that structure, and opens her arms wide to the world. She invites everyone to bond with her.

— Again, Kiznaiver is lucky it’s so pretty, because it’s such a dumb show. Even little kids have basic understanding of empathy. Babies understand empathy. But somehow, it’s something these high school kids don’t quite understand. Instead, they need to slowly stumble upon it as if they’re unearthing some sort of grand epiphany.

— Semi-unrelated rant time: you could even argue that in our digital world, where information can be exchanged almost instantaneously, we’re sharing too much. Every little stupid thing that bothers me is now being broadcast to people from all around the world. And people who read my inane me-me-me rants proceed to tell me how they totally get me, how they totally relate to me, how they understand me. There’s a club for every weirdo out there in the world. So no, I don’t think the problem is that we don’t empathize with each other enough. It’s that we have too many people legitimizing our issues, big or small, and it’s having the adverse effect. We never grow as people, because every perceived slight is interpreted as a deliberate attack, so we just retreat to our safe and sterile echo chambers and hugboxes.

They say a 7-game series doesn’t really kick-off until a team loses a home game. The same sort of logic applies here: unless Subaru dies, I’m just horribly, horribly bored. But enough chit-chat. Let’s get started. 

— The episode starts off with Subaru and Emilia’s supposed “date.” Despite the guy droning on and on about how much he adores Emilia, when push comes to shove, nothing remotely romantic ever happens. It figures. This is anime, after all. He only knows how to chase, and the girl only knows how to act coy. The bland lead wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he ever did get the girl.

— This guy has only one outfit to wear, huh?

— I like how Subaru is recapping the events from the previous arc as if the audience has already forgotten what happened.

— When they return to the castle after their short-lived “date,” there’s a carriage out front. An emissary has arrived from the capital, and Emilia has some very important matters to discuss. On the other hand, we get to watch Subaru share fancy tea with the carriage driver. Riveting.

— Oh hey, it’s a new character. His name is Felix, by the way. Yes, it’s a he. What? Because of his outfit? Just because the character is wearing a choker, a ridiculous bow on the back, spaghetti straps, and a dress, you think it’s a she?! Ugh. You people are such bigots!

— I really dislike how these scenes are composed. They’re so flat and boring. Then to top it all off, Subaru is an idiot even with complete strangers.

— Emilia needs to head to the capital for some official royal selection business. She wants to keep Subaru uninvolved for a couple reasons. First, it doesn’t really concern him.They haven’t really known each other all that long. Secondly, he apparently hasn’t fully healed up from the mabeast attacks yet. Nevertheless, Subaru convinces the girl to let him accompany her to the castle so he can see some old faces. She’s so naive that she buys it.

— Rem has gone full deredere. I was never really a fan of her character, but she’s completely lost any spunk she used to have. That is why relationships rarely come to fruition in anime. The girl just loses all personality when she falls in love. These writers just don’t know what to do with these girls.

— Elsewhere, Felix is surprised that carriage driver dude even bothered to talk to Subaru. According to the latter, however, Subaru has “the eyes of one who has experienced death several times.” Um… sure…

— When Emilia and Subaru get to the capital, our hero wants the girl to stop holding his hand. She doesn’t want him to get in trouble, but she also makes another good point: he wanted to hold her hand on the date, so what’s the problem now? Subaru replies that he’s not currently physically and mentally prepared for them to hold hands. Good lord.

— Oh good, we meet the produce vendor. I totally wanted to catch up with him.

— Subaru and Emilia stop by a guard station where some purple-haired knight greets the girl with a kiss on her hand. Naturally, this sends Subaru into a rage. He’s not mentally prepared to hold her hand, but he gets worked up about this.

— Nevertheless, Emilia commands him to stand outside like the servant that he is. In the distance, he spots a pretty girl walking into a dark alleyway. Well gosh, isn’t that just the most inviting thing ever to our hero?

— So we get to catch up with these dorks again… and finally, Old Man Rom. See, we’re setting up the story for the new arc, so it’s okay if you’re bored. It’s okay if we trot out old, familiar faces just for the sake of it.

— But hey, new girl! Her name is Priscilla, and for now, she’s got a bit of an attitude. Either she keeps it and dies later on in the story, or falls in love with Subaru and becomes another pathetic puddle of deredere mess. In any case, it’s a new arc, so we get new cute characters to drool over! After all, we’re done with Rem. She’s been conquered. It’s time to move on. Emilia is not exactly thrilled to see the girl. It’s obvious that this girl is also contending for the throne.

— Eventually, Emilia finds our hero, and she’s followed by a guy who looks like he just stepped out of a high-level Dark Souls run. Again, Subaru acts possessive about the girl, and it’s odd how she never reacts to any of it. Emilia isn’t much of a fleshed out character. She’s blissfully mute or dumb during these moments. It’s like she’s not even there.

— There’s some weird exchange about the apples in Subaru’s possession. For some reason, the new girl thinks they’re not apples, so Subaru gives her one. Great…

— When they’re finally alone again, Emilia asks Subaru how he managed to meet the new girl. Normally, when you care about someone, you’re also able to read that person’s body language. Emilia not only sounds concerned, she looks concerned. She looks stressed and worried. This is clearly a very important topic for her. Nevertheless, Subaru cracks dumb fucking jokes about how she’s possibly jealous that he’s with another woman. It must be frustrating to talk to someone who has to make light of everything. But again, Emilia isn’t actually a real girl or anything. Otherwise, she’d tell him to cut his shit out. Since she’s nothing more than a haremette, however, she drops the issue entirely when he goes, “H-huh?” Emilia-tan, why the serious face?” Yeah, man, why are you so serious? You’re only here on very important business, and there are people threatening to kill. So can you just chillax and stop PMSing?!

— Later, Emilia tells Subaru that she has to leave for the castle, but she doesn’t want Subaru to come along for the same reasons as before. He initially promises that he’ll behave, but once she leaves, he confesses to Rem that he wants to be with Emilia “when important things are going on.” Dude, why wouldn’t you just say this to the girl? Why do you wait till she’s gone to actually be serious? Fucking anime leads, man.

— So Subaru has to find his way into the castle. Luckily for him, Priscilla’s carriage just happen to be driving by, and she’s more than willing to give him a lift. Oh, she’s only just met him, and he looks like nothing more than a simpleton, but she’s confident his presence will make things very interesting at the castle.

— When our hero gets to the castle, Emilia is predictably shocked to see him. After all, he made a promise to her. In response, Subaru does and says nothing. Uh, did he even think this through? Did he not consider what he was gonna say when he saw her?

— Priscilla amuses herself even further by referring to Subaru as her manservant. Subaru tells her not to give Emilia the wrong idea, but I think he’s the one who gave her the wrong idea…

— Emilia even asks him directly why he came. He can only give her a slack-jawed stare. He barely knows her, he’s afraid to hold her hand in public, he can’t read her body language, he breaks his promise with her, so on and so forth. What a man.

— By the way, the contenders for the throne are all girls. That’s because a stupid slab has been engraved with prophecies, and it states that one of these girls will become the dragon’s priestess. How neat.

— We also catch up with Reinhardt and Felix. Ho-hum.

— Oh yeah, there’s supposed to be five contenders to the throne. Reinhardt steps forward and announces that he’s completed his mission in locating the fifth girl! All of a sudden, in walks Felt!

— And that is that. The episode is over, and nobody died. Yawn. Wake me up when Subaru is in tears and bleeding his guts out.

It’s the beginning of the end. Three shows come to a close this week, and as a cherry on top, there’s no new episode of Endride to cover. That’s perfectly fine with me. That just means I have less terrible anime to watch.

Big Order Ep. 10 (Finale)

As you’ll recall, Sena is the one truly responsible for the Great Destruction. She wanted to dominate the world and turn it into a reality where her family could be together forever. But she couldn’t control her power, and the rest is history. Well, not really. They keep saying that a lot of people died, and the world was destroyed, but the anime never really shows us any of this. In fact, society seems to be functioning in pretty much the same way that it does now. Oh well. In comes the gallant oniichan. Not wanting his dear imouto to bear the guilt of destroying the world, he took not only Sena’s powers, but her sins and memories as well. Isn’t that just dandy? Anime oniichans are practically saints. They can do no wrong (except fucking their step-sisters), and they will go to any lengths to protect their imoutos. Well, most of them. Hundred will show us the other side of the coin, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Anyways, Sena no longer wants to trouble her brother, and that’s why she’s cooperating with Gennai. By opening the gate to the mental world, everyone will be able to create their own happy, little world or something. We’ve discussed this last week, so I don’t need to get into it again. Needless to say, Eiji doesn’t want any part of this, but she “rejects” him and he gets thrown over the edge. Game over? Nope. Rin shows up and gives our hero a pep talk. She also kisses him, and this fill him with great determination! With their Orders combined, they’re ready to fight Gennai and his henchmen head-on. At this point, the episode literally loses all color. Seriously, everything is suddenly in black and white due to the gate opening up or something. At least, I think that’s the reason, but it wouldn’t surprised me if Asread just said fuck it and stopped trying.

I don’t want to recap the final battle, because it isn’t very interesting. Just know that Eiji and Rin manage to overcome their foes together, and now it’s Gennai’s turn to be thrown over the edge. Even in his final moments, however, he smiles and hopes that Eiji can make his sister happy. Uh, okay. But oh no, the gate has been opened, and here comes the god of the mental world! No, you didn’t read that wrong. A hand reaches out from the gate, and you disintegrate if you come into contact with it. This same hand now threatens to destroy the physical world! Suddenly, Eiji remembers something Daisy had told him in the very first episode: she’s sealed away most of his power, so he currently only has access to a minuscule fraction! So at his request, Daisy unlocks the rest of his potential. He then sets about dominating even the god of the mental world. Wow. Such power. And with it, he creates a world in which his sister can be happy. The gate is closed, the god of the mental world disappears, the world is remade, and… well, I assume Sena’s terminal illness has been cured. Otherwise, this wouldn’t be much of a happy ending.

I assume Gennai is still dead. I assume, in fact, their mom is dead as well along with Sena’s actual father. Before the whole Great Destruction brouhaha, she had included her parents in her wish, but things are different now. Yes, the true perfect world for Sena is one where she can fuck her stepbrother with impunity. I get your drift, anime. Also, it’s the girl’s birthday. Her 14th birthday. So when you saw her naked in a previous episode, you were looking at a naked 13-year-old girl. Don’t ever change, anime. Last but not least, I hear that the manga is still ongoing. With this ending, however, you can thank your lucky stars that we won’t see another adaptation. See? Someone out there does care about us. Sayonara, Big Order.

Gakusen Toshi Asterisk 2nd Season Ep. 12 (Finale)

The second season just kinda ends. Nothing major is really resolved. The oh-so-powerful Orphelia barely even makes an appearance in this week’s episode. Julis fills Ayato in on the details regarding her former BFF, but at the moment, they need to take down Gustave. Who’s Gustave? Oh, it’s that old man we’ve only just met in last week’s episode. Nevertheless, he’s the final encounter in this sorry and utterly forgettable second season. Ayato and his girls hatch a plan to take the old man down, but he spawns a hydra to lay waste to Julis’s tiny country. Like the mythological creature that it is based upon, the hydra’s many heads can regenerate themselves no matter how many times Ayato cuts them off. In the end, however, Ayato distracts the beast long enough for Julis to destroy it once and for all. Elsewhere, Kirin (by the way, she’s also a 13-year-old girl) knocks Gustave out in one quick move. Yawn. So much for exciting finales.

It turns out Claudia’s parents are responsible for this whole incident, but I don’t really care anymore. I don’t think I ever had a reason to care. Near the end of the episode, the Chairman claims that he’s finally located Ayato’s sister, which we know is a lie. Then Ayato meets Magnum Opus, the evil, cackling scientist responsible for Orphelia’s current state. She says she can cure his sister, but she’ll obviously want something in return. Ayato knows she can’t be trusted, but he can’t resist. After all, he’s gotta save his onee-chan. This obsession with sisters in anime is ridiculous. All of this happens in quick succession, by the way. This leads me to think A-1 Pictures didn’t plan out this second season whatsoever.

Much like Big Order, the show’s pacing is haphazard. On the other hand, the door is still left wide open for a potential sequel. After all, there’s still that big Festa to compete in. Not only that, our hero has potentially made a deal with the devil just to save his sister. How will Julis react when she finds out? But more importantly, is there anyone left in the audience to care? Has the second season done well enough to justify a third season? Again, it really feels as though A-1 Pictures stopped caring midway through this adaptation. The first season at least ended with a big fight against a powerful opponent, necessitating our hero to evolve his fighting ability in order to survive. In this one, Ayato goes off to some foreign country, gets his ass kicked by Orphelia, then kills a hydra. Meh. His evolution actually occurred weeks ago, so there’s not even that. Needless to say, I won’t lose any sleep if A-1 Pictures calls it quits here.

Hundred Ep. 12 (Finale)

In the end, Vitaly is nothing more than a scorned lover. Her attack on Little Garden is just an attempt to get back at Judai. But like most villains, he’s always one step ahead of the game. Thanks to all that crappy singing, Liza has awaken. As such, she shields her brother from Vitaly’s bullets. Judai fires one shot in return, and the evil villainess is down for the count. Very exciting. Nevertheless, Vitaly’s Replicants, i.e. the core-less Savages, are still on a rampage. Not only that, they’ve been designed to emit some sort of sound wave that disables our Slayers. Oh no, what are we to do?! Yep, more crappy singing. Drown out the terrible noise with terrible J-POP. That’s a strategy straight from Liza herself. She starts teleporting around Little Garden as a naked, shimmering loli. First, she kisses Karen’s forehead, which somehow cures the girl’s worthless legs but only temporarily. I mean, you can’t have a moe wheelchair-bound imouto if you give the girl her legs back. She and Sakura start singing, which enables the Slayers to fight again. They start defeating the Replicants one-by-one. A big one, however, manages to survive, and threatens to kill Krovanh, thereby causing Nesat to go berserk. If you can’t recognize these names, I don’t blame you. Anyways, you just have to kill Nesat to end this threat, right? Not under Hayato’s watch! No cute girl dies if the harem lead has anything to say about it. Liza kisses him directly on the lips, and with an empowered libido, his message of friendship manages to reach Nesat. All’s well that ends well.

And yeah, the series is over. Judai is still out there, planning something nefarious. He’s one of those evil oniichans that you see from time to time. Also, the world is still under attack from Savages. But I’m not even sure Hundred has an ending, so we may as well stop here. And in typical harem fashion, Emilia’s secret is revealed to the rest of the world, so the last thing we see is the tsundere Claire pulling out her BFG in retaliation.

P.S. They should call the sequel Two Hundred. Man, I am so clever.

Netoge no Yome wa Onnanoko ja Nai to Omotta. Ep. 11

Unlike the previous three shows, we still have another episode of this wonderful anime to watch. So with the mercenary guild’s help, the Alley Cats manage to capture a fort. Sorta. The mercenary guild neither needed nor wanted any help whatsoever in this conquest. So instead, they merely used the Alley Cats as decoys. So yeah, our heroes get to take over the fort, and raise their flag, but nobody’s happy about it. After all, they didn’t really earn it. Fortunately, the victory is short-lived anyways, because the mercenary guild quickly dissolves the alliance. The leader of the mercenary guild then proceeds to PK every single member of the Alley Cats. If you play any MMO with this sort of PVP, you pretty much have to expect this sort of thing. I’ll just assume, however, that the Alley Cats never dabbled all that much in the PVP side of their game, so they’re not used to this sort of player-killing trolling.

On the other hand, it’s just a game, right? It’s not like you’ve really lost anything important by being killed in an MMO. This isn’t SAO, after all. So whatever. You feel the sting of humiliation, then you move on with your life. I’ve personally been killed plenty of times in games with world PVP, and I never gave a shit. Nope, not in anime! In anime, the good guys must always win out in the end. Well, most of the time, but let’s be real. This is not the sort of show where the hero learns the bittersweet lesson of defeat. We can safely assume they’ll eventually emerge victorious. To set about accomplishing this goal, Nishimura and his girls begin hatching a plan to take the fort back. In order to do so, they’ll have to draw on the many relationships they’ve cultivated in the past. This includes recruiting the help of those weird Nekohime worshippers as well as the hardcore PvE guild that Nishimura had previously tried to join, but couldn’t because, y’know, he has to go to school and everything.

The episode’s minor solace is that Ako’s character development takes a small step forward. She’s slowly becoming more normal. Oh boy.

Seisen Cerberus Ep. 12

A dragon responds to Saraato’s drumming, and offers to carry the rest of the group to Nambuuko’s hideout. Wow, what a friendly dragon! Unfortunately, it is instantly killed in the very next scene. Yeah, that just ruined my night. Fuck you, Seisen Cerberus. I don’t want to cover the rest of your crappy episode.

…

Blah. The rest of the group runs into Saraato’s creator, or in other words, as he so creepily puts it, her “father.” He explains that she was created from Dagan Zot’s crystallized blood. Nambuuko wanted Saraato’s father to create the perfect soldier, but instead, he made himself a daughter. Seeing as how she’s made from Dagan Zot’s blood, I guess this explains why she’s drawn to Hiiro and the dragon heart inside him. So yeah, she wants to save the guy against her father’s wishes, and the creepy old man is surprised to learn she’s developed free will. Of course she has a free will. What did he want? A daughter with no thoughts of her own? Wait, this is anime…

But apparently, Saraato has fallen into Nambuuko’s trap. He wanted her to come for Hiiro, so he can override her free will. He can then command her to fight Hiiro, and in order to survive, the latter will have to channel Dagan Zot’s power. This will call forth the dragon itself, and Nambuuko intends to fuse it with the three nations’ armies that have gathered in this one place. Okay, that’s a stupid plan. First, how is he so confident that Saraato would even get here? Yes, she’s drawn to Hiiro, but Nambuuko just knew she would be able to summon a dragon and then said dragon would fly carry the girl to his mansion in just the right amount of time? Okay, that’s a tall stretch. But let’s grant that Nambuuko somehow predicted all of this with perfect accuracy and precision. Even then, why does he even need the girl? Why can’t he just threaten Hiiro himself in order to draw Dagan Zot out? He’s already threatened the kid’s life before and thus summoned Dagan Zot. Why does anything have to change this time around? Whatever.

In any case, Nambuuko left Sharisharu to die, and as we’ve already seen from Hundred, you never want to use women in such a fashion. They’ll come for you, y’know. And unlike Vitaly, I bet Sharisharu will get her revenge. Don’t expect catgirls to fail. This is anime, after all. But yeah, tune in next week for Seisen Cerberus’s exciting conclusion.

Final Word

Seisen Cerberus is  definitely not even close to being a good anime by any means, but hey, I can’t help but admit that it has made somewhat of a comeback. Currently, it’s probably the best of the five shows covered here. Well, it’s close race between Seisen Cerberus and Netoge no Yome wa Onnanoko ja Nai to Omotta. On the other end of the spectrum, Gakusen Toshi Asterisk has got to be the worst. Big Order is undoubtedly a bigger disaster in many respects, but as a whole, it’s like a tragic car crash sort of way. You can’t turn away.  You’re compelled to look into the abyss. On the other hand, Gakusen Toshi Asterisk episodes often just put me right to sleep. I can’t remember ever enjoying that snoozefest, which is something I find myself saying too often about A-1 Pictures productions. Since I’m catching a screening of The Anthem of the Heart in just a few weeks (no spoilers, please), that’s not a good sign…

Anyways, it looks like next week’s Monday Blues will be pretty lonely with just two shows (maybe three) to cover. I better start working on that preview post for the summer shows, huh?

We already know that this adaptation has been divided into two, and that the rest of the story will air in the upcoming fall. If you’ve been following my coverage of Bungou Stray Dogs, you can just sense the palpable excitement running down my spine. I just can’t wait to see what silly adventures Atsushi will get himself into! Still, I would’ve liked for part one to end with a little more fanfare, or rather, any fanfare at all. Instead, part one just… kinda ends. In fact, don’t you feel as though the spring season of Bungou Stray Dogs should’ve ended with the battle between Atsushi and Akutagawa? Wouldn’t that have been a fitting place to leave the viewers with a strong, satisfying impression? Yeah, I had my complaints about that episode, but nevertheless, it was the turning point for both Atsushi and Kyouka’s characters. And of course, you have the exciting fight against the big, bad baddie. Out of the twelve episodes I’ve now had the pleasure of watching, episode ten had the most memorable events, the most memorable character development, so on and so forth. Why wouldn’t you end there? Instead, we get this strange cut-off point.

Francis F., better known as F. Scott Fitzgerald, pays the Agency a visit. He wants to buy their Gifted Business Permit. Yawn. The President naturally turns him down, so Francis tells our heroes to pay attention to tomorrow’s news. Well, tomorrow arrives, and an entire building — one of Port Mafia’s own, in fact — has completely disappeared. Not only that, Kenji has gone missing. Basically, if you oppose Francis and his Guild, you will be annihilated. Perhaps literally, I don’t know. In any case, Atsushi and Tanizaki are on a mission to locate Kenji. Naomi’s tagging along, because someone important to Tanizaki has to fall into trouble, and that’s exactly what happens. They bump into Lucy, one of Francis’s hench(wo)men. She has a rather convoluted Gift. The girl can transport you to an inner dimension, where you have to play a game of tag. If some giant, scary-looking doll by the name of Anne catches you, you’ll be trapped forever behind some black door. You can always escape through the white door, but if you leave, you’ll forget everything that just happened. If any of your loved ones are trapped behind the black door, you can forget (literally) about coming back to save them.

So y’know, our heroes try to win the game. Oh yeah, you win the game by opening the black door before Anne can catch you. The problem, of course, is that Anne is super fast. In fact, Tanizaki doesn’t even stand a chance. As a weretiger, Atsushi at least has the speed to avoid the doll, but he’ll eventually tire. Not only that, the key that you’re supposed to use can also attack you. Dude, the house always has the edge. Luckily, there’s a third participant in Lucy’s little game: a nervous man in a lab coat looking for a girl by the name of Elise. First, he convinces Atsushi not to run away. Secondly, according to the anime, he gives our hero some advice on game theory. I mean, it sounded like common sense to me. Sometimes, it’s best to launch a counterattack against your enemy in order to win. But fine, sure, it’s game theory, and this guy is very smart. Needless to say, Atsushi heeds his advice and pulls off the victory (with Tanizaki’s help). I won’t detail how said victory comes about. I mean, I guess it’s sorta clever, but how Atsushi wins is honestly not all that important in the grand scheme of things. And that’s basically the entire problem with this episode.

After rescuing everybody from Lucy’s prison, the episode is pretty much over. The encounter with Lucy doesn’t feel like a climax. Rather, it’s a mere prop to introduce us to a couple new faces. First, this won’t be the last time we see Lucy, I’m sure. After all, she shares a lot of traits with our hero. She was once an orphan, and she was recruited by the Guild much the same way the Agency recruited Atsushi. Great. We’re also introduced to Ougai Mori. Yeah, that’s the nervous doctor’s name. He’s not actually nervous. It was all an act. He’s actually the leader of Port Mafia, and his Gift is called Vita Sexualis. Time to pull out my favorite GIF again:

No, really, I don’t know what Vita Sexualis actually does, because I’m not sure if he used it or not in this episode. At one point, Lucy turns her attention to Ougai, but she finds herself unable to move. Apparently, his look is filled with malice, and it’ll freeze you in your tracks. Hell, even her scary doll couldn’t move! But was that his Gift? Or is that just another special trait he has? Whatever. Anyways, Ougai is supposedly a ruthless character on top of being interested in game theory, and he’s looking forward to crushing both the Agency and the Guild. Great.

I just don’t get why we’re introducing characters at the very end of part one. I barely know these guys. Am I going to remember them in three months? Probably not. That’s why I think this season should’ve ended with the fight against Akutagawa. There’s actual character development there. I would definitely remember Atsushi’s progress once the fall season comes around. But instead, the show is like, “Here’s two new characters, keep them in your mind, and see ya in the fall!” Uh, okay. Even our heroes seem kinda lame. Atsushi was going to give up and run away again. C’mon! Yeah, we wouldn’t need Ougai’s presence in this episode if our hero wasn’t such a scaredy-cat, but I feel as though Atsushi has gone backwards since episode ten. As for Kyoukai, she’s barely in the story anymore. Uh, she and Atsushi are now roommates, and she was worried about him when he got pulled into Lucy’s dimension. That’s pretty much all the screentime she got in this week’s episode. Maybe she’ll get some more development in part two, but for now, she seems like a throwaway character rather than someone important in Atsushi’s life.

And Atsushi needs someone important. Dazai, Kunikida, the Agency, etc… they’re coworkers, mentors, whatever. But they’re not really family. There’s potential between Atsushi and Kyoukai to form a stronger bond, but since they rescued each other two weeks ago, the story hasn’t given this plot any attention. Instead, we saw half an episode about Higuchi, half an episode about Kenji, then two brand new faces. Bungou Stray Dogs has a lot of issues, but it’s primary one is that its characters aren’t very engaging, and that’s due to the fact that the story never dwells on any of them long enough for us to care. It’s like the story is afraid that we’ll get bored, so it has to shower us with characters and wacky moments to keep us on our toes. But after twelve episodes, I think I want something a little more substantive than a three-way fight between a bunch of mutants. Give me something to care about. Or don’t. I feel like I’ve written too much about this episode already. If part two airs at a convenient time, I’ll cover it in the fall. But honestly, Bungou Stray Dogs doesn’t really deserve this much effort and attention, so I’m going to end this post in the same haphazard way that part one ended.

Everybody knows you never go full shounen. I enjoyed this episode, but like last week, I don’t have any fullblown analysis to offer. In fact, I think we’re pretty much set in that department. That’s not necessarily a bad thing either. I just think most of the questions have been answered, and most of the characters have been developed. There’s still room for some scant development for the final remaining episodes, but nothing that requires an essay to cover. With that said, let’s get right to it.

— Takumi’s dead, and Ikoma’s still alive. Simmons and Ingram go 1-2. Nothing too surprising yet.

— What about Ikoma’s missing right arm? Well, the placement of his gun is a pretty telltale sign, don’t you think?

— After the OP, Biba grips a small dagger (knife?), and we see a flashback with him and his father. Something about fear. The lights went out unexpectedly, so the paranoid shogun went on the offensive. When he lit a candle, he saw his own son bleeding before him. You can’t blame Biba’s current monstrous nature on this one event, but I guess things were never the same after this peculiar moment in their relationship.

My one issue here is that the shogun is relatively undeveloped. He’s an ancillary character, but it would’ve been much more meaningful if he had a much more credible presence in the story — if, y’know, we got to hear his side of the story. Without that, he’s nothing more than a pathetic old man in his ivory tower. And maybe that’s all he is! But still, I think the story would’ve been much improved with a fully fleshed out third faction, so to speak. Obviously, we root for Ikoma, Ayame, and company, because they’re the heroes. Biba’s a murderous villain, but he’s not wrong about everything. As I explained a couple of weeks ago, his desire to free people from fear is shared by Ikoma. Biba simply goes about accomplishing his goals in a different way. Anyway, my point is that the shogun pales in comparison. They’re a bunch of elitist yet fearful jerks, and that’s it. Maybe he didn’t have a compelling reason to doom the 400,000 men under Biba’s command, but it would’ve been better if he did. As a result, the shogun and the rest of the shogunate are completely one-dimensional.

— I still can’t believe she’s supposed to be 12. Does this look like a 12-year-old to you? I know kids are hitting puberty faster than ever, and maybe turning into a Kabaneri played some role in this, but c’mon, would it have really hurt to make her at least 16? Fuck it, I’m making my own canon.

— But enough about that. Biba’s going to turn our dear Mumei into a Black Cloud, so I guess this show does do foreshadowing. By the way, they’re now referring to the Black Cloud as a Nue, but I’m gonna stick with the term Black Cloud because I’m used to it.

— We finally get to see the infamous Kongokaku. It looks like a theme park. Yep, it definitely looks like a theme park.

— The shogun doesn’t want to tell people about the possibility of a Black Cloud fucking their shit up, so he stabs the one messenger with any knowledge about it. ‘Cause, y’know, fear is bad or something. It’s better if we face this problem unprepared instead.

— In Ikoma’s nightmares, his sister has now been replaced by Mumei. In other words, he thinks Mumei’s nothing more than a Kabane now, mindless and inhuman. He begins to pity himself, lamenting the fact that he ever got involved in the first place. Well, if never got involved, the Koutetsujyo probably would’ve been overrun by the Kabane a long time ago.

— Speaking of the Koutetsujyo, it has arrived at Kongokaku’s front gates. Biba pretends to be Ayame’s prisoner in order to sneak himself into the walled city. Naturally, Ayame goes along with his plans, because she wants to protect her people. But is it all that natural? Let’s think about this for a second. She has seen firsthand what Biba is capable of. She’s seen him turn Iwato into flaming ruins, and thus bring about the deaths of thousands of innocent lives if not more. So why would he hesitate to do the same with Kongokaku? Essentially, she’s risking the lives of an entire city just to protect the few survivors she has left… but that’s only assuming Biba keeps his word. He could just as easily murder the majority of them after all of this is over and done with. I just… I don’t know, man.

Y’know, I get it. It’s a hard decision to make. No one wants to sacrifice their own people, and even if she did sacrifice them, it’s more than likely Biba has a plan B to fall back on. He hasn’t been carrying all this hate in his heart just to let some upstart girl ruin everything. Still, I would’ve liked to have seen a small scene where the girl struggled with the decision to go along with Biba’s demands, knowing what would happen to the people of Kongokaku. I just want a scene where the choice to protect her own people weighed heavily on her heart. I can’t blame her for choosing her own people over the entire population of Kongokaku. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I were in her shoes. But at least show me her guilt. Show me the oh-so-human weakness to protect our own over the greater good.

— Oh hey, Kurusu’s alive. And he’s brought the mad scientist with him! We’re all alive! Oh yeah, Takumi…

— I don’t blame Kurusu for assuming that Ikoma ran away with his tail between his legs. He’s emotional, because he has no clue if his Ayame is okay. As for Ikoma’s continued “woe is me” attitude, well… it would’ve been nice if he simply got angry. It would’ve been more heroic if Takumi’s death simply made him angrier, and he’s more determined than ever to kill Biba. At the same time, I kinda understand where he’s coming from. He didn’t just lose his best friend. In Mumei, he feels as though he’s lost his sister too. So yeah, I understand why he’s crying. It’s pathetic, but I get it.

— Back in Kongokaku, Biba’s masterful plan unfolds with perfect precision. He gets his father to grip that very same dagger he had used to attack his son all those years ago. But this time, the dagger has been tainted with the deadly Kabane virus. The shogun soon finds himself turning into a Kabane, and his own men can’t help but gun down their own ruler. Naturally, Biba gets to land the finishing blow.

— Outside the palace, Biba’s men sow fear and discord by stabbing soldiers with tainted knives. Brothers begin to turn on each other, and it’s clear that our villain intends to tear Kongokaku apart from the inside out. I guess that’s what fear does to you.

— Then of course, the Koutetsujyo dumps actual Kabane on top of the city. It’s just overkill at this point. Not only are the white blood cells attacking themselves, you get a huge influx of the pathogen. But oh yeah, don’t forget that Mumei is gonna go all kaiju on this shit. If the city’s already tearing itself apart, do we really need Mumei as a Black Cloud to stomp on the tiny buildings? I hate to know what Biba did to his toys as a kid.

— And yet, the guy takes a seat at his father’s throne, and tears up at an old memory of him and his father during their better days. He’ll manipulate and abuse all those girls — he won’t even shed a tear for Horobi — but he has a soft side for the father he just killed. It’s pretty narcissistic. There’s only a soft side because he himself is in that memory. The guy has no empathy for anyone else.

— Kurusu points out to Ikoma that Mumei had deliberately missed the latter’s heart. I mean, we all knew that. I joked about it in last week’s post, because I thought it was plainly self-evident.

— More importantly, however, the realization that Mumei isn’t completely long gone finally snaps our hero back to his senses.

— Elsewhere, a forlorn Mumei slowly transforms herself into a Black Cloud. She laments that she couldn’t save anybody, but she did save Ikoma… so she had the conviction to do at least that. Just not enough to resist Biba when he injected her with the Black Cloud serum. Hm.

— The mad scientist (I can’t recall his name) says that turning into a Black Cloud will cause the individual to lose their soul and their life. Nevertheless, here’s a convenient vial — it’s even white for good! — that will allow Ikoma to save Mumei. So which is it, man? Do you lose your soul or not? Spoiler: not if you’re a heroine.

— So Ikoma gives himself a sexy new haircut. He also becomes Mega Man. You gotta mega when you can cut your own hair that perfectly with just a knife. He then asks for the other vial, i.e. the black, evil one. The one that turns you into a Black Cloud. Unfortunately, he’s a man, so he can’t turn into a hulking mass of writhing Kabane. Even though male Kabaneri are rare, I guess the mad scientist just knows this… because science or something.

— Nevertheless, the black vial will unleash Ikoma’s true potential! He’ll just lose control of himself and become a fullblown Kabane or something, but until then, he’ll have the strength to save Mumei and kill Biba, and gosh, that’s all that counts. As he transforms, he thinks to himself, “This is the moment… that I… that I… become the man I can be proud of!” And as he thinks this, he gets visions of his sister and Mumei. Hm. I don’t think the guy is going to survive this story. I mean, I’m not saying that he’s going to die for sure, I bet he does. Because it seems to me that being a man in this culture is to sacrifice yourself for the family and country. That boy gon die. But we’ll see.

— Ooh, pretty. I mean, that poor city and its dead inhabitants…

Takubro didn’t die for this… It’s funny. As I’m sitting there, watching these hopeful kids ride away on the Koutetsujyo in the final seconds of the episode, our finale doesn’t feel like much of a happy ending. Ikoma saves Mumei, Biba dies, and the rest of the gang gets away safely, but… the bad guy still pretty much got what he wanted, didn’t he? Forget Biba’s revenge. It’s a defining point about his character, but when you take a broader view, It’s pretty much insignificant compared to… oh, I don’t know… the death of an entire city? Then you realize that our heroes haven’t been able to stop a single atrocity. Not one. Alright, they couldn’t save Aragane station, because it happened at the start of the series. You don’t expect to succeed at the very beginning of the story. Yashiro station was already in ruins by the time they got there. Can’t do anything about that. They couldn’t do much for Iwato station either, because nobody (besides Ikoma) thought Biba would be such an asshole. And of course, they couldn’t save Kongokaku. Four cities, four smoldering ruins. Don’t get me wrong, though. This isn’t criticism. It’s not like our heroes have to save anyone. I just think there’s an interesting contrast between the upbeat feel of the ending, and well, the cold, hard facts regarding their situation.

Mumei completes her character development by freeing herself from Biba, and Ikoma somehow manages to survive the whole ordeal. Apparently, Biba injected his white vial into Ikoma when I wasn’t looking. How kinky. Then the whole gang (minus Takumi) gets to ride off into the clear blue horizon. If you’re a good person, and you have a name, you’re good to go. It’s amusing how only Takumi had to give up his life. Ah well, they didn’t have enough rations for him anyway. How is that anything but a good ending? Well, again, our heroes have never managed to save any of these cities. Ikoma’s goal wasn’t to save the Kongokaku and its people. He doesn’t even talk about it. It’s like the death of thousands is already a foregone conclusion, so he’s not even going to bother. Instead, Ikoma is just here to do what he failed to do as a kid: save his sister. Everyone’s going to die, but at least I’ll redeem myself by saving my sister. And even then, she’s still a Kabaneri. Ayame has to enter an uneasy alliance with Uryuu (not sure if that’s his name) as the train heads off into the unknown. They’re no closer to growing rice paddies. They’re no closer to solving the Kabane threat. All they’ve done is survive. All they’ve got is their belief. And maybe that’s the moral of the story. Whatever’s gonna happen will happen, but you can’t be scared and you’ve got to believe.

Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress seemed to get a lot of flack from the more hardcore anime fans in the West. I use the word ‘hardcore’ here rather loosely. We’re speaking in relative terms. Let’s put it this way: if you watch more than five anime series a season, you probably have your fair share of complaints about this show. The characters make stupid decisions. The plot is straightforward and brain dead at times (train tipping, anyone?). The story has nothing meaningful to say. The events and developments are trite and run-of-the-mill. The animation cuts a lot of corners. The laundry list goes on and on. And hey, I don’t think the show was perfect or anything. As a whole, however, I just enjoyed the anime more than most people seemed to, and I think my coworker nails it: “Kabaneri doesn’t feel like the typical anime.” A lot of you reading this are gonna sit there and roll your eyes. “Are you kidding me? A lot of the show feels VERY anime.” But you guys have to realize that my coworker only casually watches a series or two a season. I also have another coworker following this show, and it’s the same for him. He’s only watching Kabaneri and Boku no Hero Academia. The point is that Kabaneri, for all its faults, has a sort of broad appeal that we can lose sight of, because we’re so immersed in the subculture.

The characters here are young, but you can ignore the details. They look and act as if they’re in their 20s, so who cares what their real, “canon” ages are. Plus, they’re not in school, there isn’t very much fanservice, and there aren’t a ton of blushing schoolgirls in seifukus. There isn’t a lot of silly jargon. There aren’t deadpan maids and meta jokes that only years of immersing yourself within the anime subculture will allow you to appreciate. It isn’t a story about some powertripping fantasy where the hero gets all the girls, and dual-wields two katanas and top of it. Kabaneri is just a straightforward and simple action series with zombies, samurai, and some steampunk sprinkled in. It’s not a perfect show, but it’s a perfect B-series, in a sense. Ultimately, that’s what I appreciate about the show. It isn’t about celebrating mediocrity. Of course, I wish Kabaneri was actually better than how it turned out. Nevertheless, it’s the one show I can actually talk about in real life without drawing blank stares. People have actually seen it. As much as I enjoy, say, Concrete Revolutio, no one’s ever heard about it.

At the end of the day, I will always put Concrete Revolutio miles and miles ahead of Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress. In my mind, there’s no contest. But it isn’t just about Concrete Revolutio. It’s also about Kiznaiver, or Re:Zero, or Mayoiga, or any of the other popular shows this season. I think it’s important in understanding why some shows have crossover appeal. My other coworker — the one that’s also watching Boku Hero no Academia — said that he likes Ghost in the Shell and Samurai Champloo. In general, however, he doesn’t really watch a whole lot of anime. I also know a guy who watched Parasyte… but not really anything else. The first coworker I mentioned? She really likes the Studio Ghibli films, but she doesn’t really follow anime. She’ll watch a show if it’s highly recommended like One Punch Man, but you won’t catch her watching Re:Zero or Mayoiga. This post started out as somewhat of a defense of Kabaneri, but I think we have to ask ourselves if anime needs to broaden its appeal. But in saying this, it’s not about making anime seem less “anime,” if you know what I mean. This is why I mentioned those other shows that my coworkers like.

Why have we shied away from stories that anyone can easily jump into? Why aren’t there more Ghibli-like experiences or more Samurai Champloo-like series? “Ah, but Samurai Champloo is a one-of-a-kind! Watanabe is a one-of-a-kind! You can’t just mimic his genius!” But you could try. Instead, we’re mimicking the latest light novel fad, which is almost always about some manchild stuck in an MMORPG, fantasy world, or what have you. Hell, Okada just mimics herself and releases the latest iteration of Painful Past Trauma Cryfest ver. 8.2. Who knows? I guess it just comes down to what sells. But I think I’ve veered off topic enough. Kabaneri? Solid time-waster. I won’t remember it in a year or even six months from now, but I don’t regret watching it. And as simple as it can be at times, at least it doesn’t turn casual viewers away. Maybe that’s something the industry as a whole should be mindful of.

Everything Else

— Yo, why isn’t Ikoma red anymore? I was actually looking forward to him being red as opposed to puke green.

— I was also really hoping for Ikoma to either die or turn into a Kabane. The story seemed to heavily foreshadowed it, but I guess it didn’t want to end on a depressing note. Again, we only need to kill Takubro and no one else.

— It really feels like they ran out of time, because Ayame’s portion of the episode is incredibly tiny and also incredibly silly. How am I supposed to take this face seriously?

— So in her dreams, Mumei is being chased by her guilt, and unable to resolve this inner conflict, she lashes out violently in real life.

— Elsewhere, Biba looks down at the smoldering ruins and asks himself what he should destroy next. That’s a good question. Kongokaku is (or was) the major city of the region, right? I mean, it housed the shogunate. What else is out there to conquer? What else is out there to destroy? In a longer series, perhaps we would’ve fleshed out the rest of the Kabaneri universe, but alas…

— Sahari decides that there’s only one way for him to stop Ikoma’s onslaught: run our hero over with a train. And of course, this stunt only has one possible outcome. Yes, it’s stupid. The train’s mass and velocity crashing into Ikoma’s relatively tiny mass… but c’mon, it’s a B-movie action series. Who cares?

— As soon as I saw the second white vial, however, I knew Ikoma would be saved somehow. It’s not that I wanted him dead, but… eh, honestly, it doesn’t matter to me either way. It’s just really odd how the only major casualty is the guy’s best friend.

— How did that stone end up in Mumei’s possession? Last time I saw it, it was in Takumi’s dead hands. Oh well, I guess I must not have noticed her picking it up at some point in last week’s episode.

— Other than that, the duel between Ikoma and Biba was just okay. The action wasn’t really all that flashy, nor did they two of them really have a war of words. Overall, the scene lacks a punch of real adrenaline like, say, Kill la Kill’s finale. And that’s the thing… if you’re going to have a crazy moment like a train derailing, because it can’t run over tiny, little Ikoma, then why are you pulling your punches with the final battle between him and Biba? This should’ve been one explosive encounter that really contrasted the difference between our hero’s raw Kabane strength and Biba’s decade of combat experience. Or the contrast between Biba’s sword-wielding elegance and Ikoma’s ugly but practical steam gun? You can be a B-movie action series all you want, but you gotta give me that thrilling final battle.

— I laughed when the angry girl ran up and slapped Uryuu. Everyone just stood there and watched her do it. And yeah, I wonder where our heroes will really go, what will happen next, whether or not they can really achieve any of the goals they’ve set out to achieve… but like I said up top, I don’t think the odds are very good. So we may as well end the story here.

— What’s the blue stuff? Kabane souls? Kabane power? The same bluish thing served as an aura when Ikoma was getting the upper hand over Biba…

— “And with the number one pick in the draft, the Los Angeles Rams select quarterback Mumei out of Kongokaku St. University!”

— They should do an “outtakes” episode where Ikoma rips right through the patchwork cloth.

Let me start off with a major caveat — a caveat that will probably annoy some people: my last exposure to the Berserk series was when I watched the first anime adaptation a really, really long time ago. Think early 2000s. Yeah, it’s been more than a decade since I last revisited this universe. Lots of people typically think you’re supposed to do your “homework” before you dive back into these treasured series. In some people’s minds, I’m supposed to have watched The Golden Age films to refamiliarized myself with Berserk. No, I didn’t do that. Judging by the very first episode of this 2016 adaptation, I don’t believe it was necessary anyway. Berserk is not a complicated story even if I don’t remember much about it anymore. I still remember Guts, of course… I still remember Griffith, and I still remember that some fucked up shit happened at the end of the first anime adaptation. As a kid in high school, that was definitely a jarring way to conclude a story, ’cause it wasn’t really a resolution that you expected to see at that age. Well, there was no resolution in the traditional sense of the word. The hero’s friends all died, the hero’s girl got raped, and, well, the hero couldn’t do a damn thing about any of it. And then the series was over. What an ugly, brutish end to a story set in an ugly, brutish world. And what have we got to hang our hat on? Revenge. That’s all I really need to know for now, and that’s what the first episode of this 2016 sets out to accomplish.

It is still an ugly, brutish world! Even without Griffith and his hellish army, this is not a place for the soft-hearted. Villages are beset by brutes and thugs. Women are dragged into dark dens where they are more than likely mercilessly raped. The strong bully the weak, and had Guts not entered the room, some kid probably would’ve lost his life at the start of the series. But justice here comes in the form of teeth raining from the sky. Guts punches a couple mercenaries in a tavern and blood splatters everywhere, but no one really cares. This is just how it is. This is your ugly, brutish world. It’s a wonder why anyone even steps foot outside of their homes. Well, I suppose you’ve got to eat, but it’s somehow worse outside of the towns. Forests are filled with evil spirits, reanimated skeletons, and murderous trees. Dude, why even bother? If you’re Guts with your broad, 3-foot-across shoulders and the 200 lbs. hulking piece of metal that you call a sword, I suppose you can make it in this universe. And even then, he still needed his prosthetic arm to fight his way free from the tree that so desperately wanted his soul. But where does that leave the rest of us? There are stories that depict the beauty of the human struggle — that no matter how dark and hopeless it gets, we must still endeavor to carry the fire (see: The Road). It’s hard to see that light in Berserk.

In this introductory episode, Guts crosses paths with an old man and his daughter, and I can’t help but wonder what these two were even doing in the woods. No, really, what the hell are you two doing out here? Oh, I’m sure they have their reasons to get from point A to point B. We all have our reasons. Every morning, I have to get to work, so I truly understand that burning human desire to get from point A to point B. At the same time, I’m not stupid enough to cut through San Francisco’s Tenderloin on foot in order to do so. And yet, the very worst that San Francisco has to offer is child’s play to a world like Berserk. So imagine an old man and his beautiful daughter traveling through a dark, scary forest with nothing with which to defend themselves. It boggles the mind! What sensible souls would do such a thing? But they’re not here to be sensible. They’re here to die. They’re fodder for the story. Their deaths serve to remind us that we’re watching Berserk. Ironically, it’s the old man offers to lend Guts some assistance, because it’s dark and raining outside. Obviously, the elements are the least of anybody’s concerns here, and Guts tries to refuse their help. Like most fictional lone wolves, he knows all too well that he’ll bring them nothing but disaster. But a quick glance at their surroundings is enough to convince him that it’s too late. The old man and his daughter are going to die 100%. Those are the odds. With Guts traveling with them, maybe it goes down to 99%. Maybe.

But Berserk reminds you not to get your hopes up. The universe reminds you not to get too attached to any of these characters. There’s a darkly funny moment where Guts entreats the girl to get back into the carriage, but before she can even give him a proper reply, a spear guts her through the abdomen (no pun intended), then the title of the anime flashes across the screen in red, capital letters as if to say, “You’re watching Berserk, bitch!” And inevitably, the old man dies too. Those brutes that followed our hero into the forest don’t even manage to catch up to him. They also meet their horrible, miserable demise in the dark forest. If you’re weak, you will die, and this is a painful fact that Guts repeats to himself at the end of the episode. He looks demented as he treats himself with these cold rationalizations, as if it was all a game. He stuck by the old man and the girl as a gamble. He wasn’t going to go down himself. He can’t go down. Not until he gets his revenge on Griffith. But in the meantime, he may as well play this miserable game where he’ll see if he can try and help these hopeless souls cheat death. Then when Guts inevitably fails to save their lives, another small part of his soul — whatever remains of it — dies with them, and he can only comfort himself with that ghastly philosophy that only the strong will survive. Puck, bearing witness to everything, can’t help but murmur, “This is the world Guts inhabits.”

Guts is pretty badass, isn’t he? And boy, there sure is a lot of blood and gore in this anime. It’s been so long since I’ve watched the first adaptation that I’ve almost forgotten how violent this story is. But I’m not a kid anymore, so I’m not sure how I’m supposed to react when Guts smashes a man’s face with his iron fist, and a heavy metal guitar starts thrashing in the background. The violence isn’t really cool anymore. It’s all just kind of sad. I grimaced when I saw that lady being dragged into the darkness. I grimaced when Colette was killed. I only sighed when zombie Colette flashed a grin after murdering the old man. Yeah, I guess if I’m anyone in this story, I’m probably that old man. I’d be the pathetic old codger telling the badass “black swordsman” that I don’t approve of violence, so the universe rubs it in my face by killing me in the very first episode. What am I getting at? Well, while watching this episode, I was somewhat reminded of Garo, and like Berserk, Garo’s universe is beset with misery and death. Evil spirits and the powerful constantly prey upon the weak. But Garo also celebrated human relationships. The love and bond between a father and son. The determination of a young prince to save his mother. The sacrifices of a family to help a stranger back on his feet. There’s hope in Garo.

I don’t know how much hope I expect to find in Berserk. Probably not much. This is a an ugly, brutish world, and the prophecies at the very start of the episode reminds us that it’s about to get much worse. The fifth angel will descend upon the world, and he’s going to fuck some shit up. This episode is nothing more than a teaser, an hor d’oeurve, a taste of things to come. After all, most of you didn’t tune in to watch Guts to fight some generic 3-D skeletons straight out of some opening level of an ARPG. Nevertheless, a part of me doesn’t really want to sit back and just “enjoy the ride.” I don’t want to celebrate human misery to a thumping metal track, and watch human lives fall in waves each episode. Guts may have been badass to my teenage self, but as an adult, I can’t help but shrug. Basically, I want something more than just a revenge story. And yet, I find my reaction to the first episode oddly funny. As a kid, I wanted to see that revenge. I hated Griffith, and I hated what happened to Guts and Casca. I wanted to see what happened next. What happened next was nothing. I didn’t follow the manga, and at the time, I didn’t really know how to. Now that more of the story is finally being adapted, I feel like I’ve already moved on. The part of me that desired revenge had long died, and now, there’s just a grumpy adult trying to get himself back into the mindset of experiencing the world of Berserk all over again.

As a minor aside, I don’t really care for the 3-D look. At times, it makes the characters look like cheap marionette dolls.

I didn’t finish the first season of Shokugeki no Soma, and that’s okay. I’ll somehow write over 2,000 words about this episode anyway.Due to the story’s simplistic nature, we can completely avoid the whole unsavory burden of knowledge that often encumbers sequels. Right off the bat, we see that Soma is competing in a tournament, and that’s all the information that I really need to know. So for better or worse, Shokugeki no Soma has that unique distinction where its plot is, well, klnda irrelevant. I just watched the first episode of the second season, and I feel as though I haven’t missed a single beat. It’s like I never even left in the first place, and that’s due to a couple reasons. First, the show’s characters never really undergo all that much development. I’m sure Megumi is not as shy as she was at the start of the series, but that’s not much to hang your hat on. Second, the plot mostly consists of cookoffs and tournament style competitions anyways. There isn’t exactly much in the way of intrigue or suspense. Soma himself isn’t even fun to root for like most shounen heroes. He’s a rather flat and generic shounen hero, a safe vehicle for the show’s cooking hijinks.  So if you’re not into food and the subsequent silly food reactions, then the show has little to offer. In fact, why am I even writing this post?

Well, I do like cooking, and I do like the culinary arts, so here we are. In fact, I just want to talk about the food. In this week’s episode, Soma faces off against Alice, a girl who specializes in molecular gastronomy. She’s also Erina’s cousin, but again, the plot is mostly irrelevant. It’s always difficult to talk about the specific dishes in the show, because you can’t taste any of it. You can’t even smell any of it. We can only look at the pretty pictures, and even then, it’s an anime depiction of food. Yeah, I do go hungry when I look at the photos from A Life Worth Eating, Luxeat or the ulterior epicure. But in anime form, these fancy dishes don’t look quite as appetizing as their real life counterparts. This is probably why the story relies so heavily on its silly food reactions. First, it’s often an excuse to get these girls naked, and hey, we anime fans do love our fanservice, don’t we? But more importantly, Shokugeki no Soma needs to exaggerate just to get our attention. What else can it do when two of the most important senses when it comes to eating — taste and smell — are completely denied? So yeah, this is my roundabout way of excusing myself from talking about the characters’ bento boxes.

In the end, Soma wins and I don’t think any of us should be surprised by that result. The justification is hardly surprising either. Oftentimes, Soma wins because he understands the food, the challenge, or what-have-you. This week, he understands the idea behind the bento box better than his opponent. Alice’s offering is certainly creative, certainly skillful, and certainly delicious, but as her grandfather pointed out, her bento box didn’t actually need the bento box itself. She could’ve served her sushi tasting progression in any format. On the other hand, Soma’s bento box truly required the container that it came in, so I guess it’s only fair that he won. Even I can’t begrudge him of that. I will say, however, that both of them kinda annoyed me with their need to feed the judges with instructions. Alice felt the judges should eat her sushi in a certain order, because, again, it’s a progression. I have nothing against progressions, but if it’s going to be a progression, then it should be served as one, i.e. one dish after another. Of course, this is a bento box challenge, so everything has to come in one container, and in that case, don’t tell me what to eat first and what to eat last. Soma doesn’t commit as much of a culinary sin, but even he had to remind the judges that they need to pour his soup over the rice to truly make the meal special. But whatever, it’s a minor point.

I guess I’ll end this post by talking a bit about molecular gastronomy, or rather, culinary movements in general. Well, mostly western culinary movements. I’m afraid I’m not very familiar with the history of Japanese cooking, and how it has evolved over time, but perhaps we can draw comparisons at the end. Think back to the medieval age. Think back to the time of kings and members of royalty, and imagine how they must have eaten. Are you picturing grand feasts? Are you picturing a table full of expensive and delicious dishes? It’s hard to be pick an arbitrary starting point, but let’s begin there. As you can imagine, there are drawbacks to feasts. You can’t exactly enjoy every single dish at the same time, can you? Even if you try to sample as many dishes as possible, something’s bound to go cold. And even the portions on your plate will bump up against each other, so you can’t enjoy each dish on its own. So along came cuisine classique, which pretty much popularized the idea of serving meals in courses. This eventually became the epitome of fine dining, and you can see why. Chefs don’t have to prepare 20 different dishes at once. With the dishes being served one by one, you can also pay closer attention to the details. Make better sauces, keep the food hot (or cold if need be), so on and so forth.

You’ll notice, of course, that we still use the same ideas today. The most expensive restaurants out there still feature grand tasting menus with over 20 courses in one sitting. But the important takeaway is that art always filter down. Most of us are familiar with the three course menu, i.e. appetizer, dinner, and dessert. It’s nothing fancy. Hell, you can go down to the local TGIF right now and enjoy your microwaved 3-course menu, and this is very important. People often look at the cutting edge of any field, and wonder, “Why?” Why would you paint that? Why would you wear that? Why would you ever eat 20 different courses? Well, most of us don’t, but again, we can at least eat three. And when it comes to fashion, I’ll let Meryl Streep make the argument for me. You’ll watch that clip, and you might think, “Who cares where my ‘cerulean’ sweater comes from?” And in some sense, you’d be right. You don’t have to care where these things come from, but that’s not really the point I’m trying to make either. In some sense, the arts are always about indulgence. When the life expectancy was only about 40 in the medieval ages, did anybody really need yet another depiction of Jesus Christ in a fresco or triptych. But at the same time, art doesn’t exist in some vacuum completely separate from the rest of the bourgeoisie. If you’re willing to look, you’ll be amazed at the many ways art can touch our lives.

But back to the primary topic at hand. Cuisine classique eventually “gave way” to nouvelle cuisine, which emphasized a lighter touch, more inventiveness, and more attention to the diner. Should we really marinate and braise a roast for hours? Should we really drown everything in heavy French sauces? Or should we let the ingredients speak for themselves? Nouvelle cuisine lent itself to quicker, “simpler” cooking methods not just for expediency, but to also celebrate the ingredients. Should I stick to the old French classics, or should I combine new ingredients to create daring, new pairings? Most of all, should I just cook what I think the diner should eat, or should I ask them what they want to eat? Like cuisine classique, the ideas here have filtered down to our own personal cooking. Nowadays, we’re bombarded with dietary restrictions often to the point that it’s become a joke. A lot of people are not actually gluten intolerant even if they claim otherwise. But still, it’s great that I can bring my girlfriend to an Italian restaurant, tell them that she can’t eat shellfish, and they’ll gladly offer alternatives rather than telling her to suck it up. You can call these dietary restrictions a fad all you want, but people who are actually gluten intolerant must be thrilled to see so many alternatives being offered at their local supermarket.

Eventually, movements become murky, because as our cultural boundaries expand, ideas don’t always travel in one straight line. I can’t really say that the local movement happened next, but to simplify this post greatly, I’ll just assume that it did. Basically, we have to start thinking about the environment. We have to think about sustainability. We have to eat not just with our stomachs, but also with our minds. And that might sound silly, but it really isn’t as climate change continues to loom over us as a serious threat. So there has been a push towards eating locally. You might have heard that we’re slowly eating the bluefin tuna to extinction. Rather than paying hundreds of thousands of dollar for bluefin tuna, why not enjoy something local? In fact, it would be far more advantageous for the environment if I ate only local ingredients. After all, it takes vast amounts of energy to ship things across the world, and while it is a modern marvel that I can enjoy goods from across the world, I probably shouldn’t. Ironically, we mock foodies for this. And hey, it’s all in good fun. I’m not bitter about it. What’s important is when I go to my grocery store down the street, and I see all these signs claiming that the food I’m about to buy are from local farmers.

Is my Safeway telling the truth when they have “local” or “organic” signs plastered everywhere? Are farm-to-table restaurants being honest when they say that their ingredients are locally sourced? Probably not all the time. There’s certainly a huge financial incentive in putting up appearances. Are companies and restaurants merely taking advantage of naive consumers who want to eat ethically? Probably.  Do consumers even care where their food comes from? A good percentage of us likely don’t. But a small percentage is better than zero percent, and again, this is yet another example of what was once the “cutting edge” of the culinary arts filtering down to us commoners. And that finally takes us to molecular gastronomy. There’s a perception that molecular gastronomy is weird, exotic, fancy, or complicated. In this week’s episode, members of the audience are astonished to learn that Soma was inspired by a “cheap candy product.” But this is precisely why molecular gastronomy is so unique, because this movement didn’t start in a fancy restaurant kitchen. This time, the direction has been reversed; this is the case of art being inspired by the masses. For foodies, you might think of Ferran Adria when you think of molecular gastronomy. But truly, molecular gastronomy has been around since the mass production of food goods.

Using science to enhance food is nothing new. We’ve been pickling for thousands of years, and even though it may not seem “sciencey,” all sorts of fancy scientific concepts go into preserving those foods for safe consumption. But of course, in recent modern history, food science has exploded. Companies pour millions and millions into research and development just because they want their products to taste a certain way to consumers. Anthony Bourdain once visited el bulli, and he marveled at how Ferran Adria was able to toy with his diners’ perceptions. My god, a carrot foam that is as light as air, but nevertheless retains the true essence of carrot! Amazing! I don’t want to take anything away from Adria, of course. The man is a culinary genius, and it sucks that I’ll never be able to experience el bulli. Nevertheless, I think it’s equally amazing that I can buy “orange juice” for a dollar (not really a dollar, but it’s cheap enough). And I know it’s en vogue nowadays to whine and complain about how juice nowadays is loaded with chemicals, but c’mon, you only have yourself to blame if you think consuming vast amounts of sugar is healthy for you. On the flip side of the coin, just look at this product. I’m dirt poor, and I certainly don’t live near any goddamn orange grove. And yet, through science, I get to enjoy the experience of tasting orange juice for just a few bucks. We take it for granted, but it’s really amazing if you think about it. It’s a modern feat.

So what I enjoyed about this week’s episode was when Soma revealed his inspiration. Yes, it’s a cheap candy product, but that’s the beauty of it. Modern science has revolutionized the food industry for over a century, but it is only in relatively recent history that high end chefs are finally taking notice: “Hey look, we can use these same scientific concepts to delight our diners.” In that sense, the episode really captures what chefs like Ferran Adria or Grant Achatz is trying to accomplish. Thanks to Adria, we no longer grimace when we see molecular gastronomy on the menu. In fact, it has been merged with local cooking to perhaps spawn a new culinary movement (maybe that’s the New Nordic cuisine that’s all the rage nowadays). But this wasn’t always the case. People used to look at molecular gastronomy with some disdain, because they think it’s treating food like a weird lab experiment. But again, this overlooks the tremendous role that science has played in shaping our diets. And even though Japanese cuisine often emphasizes simplicity and the idea of letting the ingredients speak for themselves, at the same time, the Japanese people consider instant ramen to be their greatest modern invention. And if you look at the evolution of the instant noodle, from the polystyrene cup to the powdered soup base, these are just precursors to molecular gastronomy.

I don’t really care about the bento theme all that much. I don’t really care about Soma’s victory either. Likewise, the show’s gimmicks have been employed to exhaustion. The crazy food reactions aren’t so crazy when you’ve seen them for the hundredth time. But despite everything, I appreciate the spirit of innovation. Who knows if Soma’s bento actually tasted any good. Nori balls with a layer of dried tuna flakes in my rice? Eh, I dunno if this would really play out so well in reality… but I like the idea of it. I like that he was inspired by a “cheap candy product.” At the end of the day, that is perhaps the most curious characteristic about the culinary arts. All we’ll really have are the ideas. Even the most perfect dish quickly dies if the plate is left alone for too long. Meanwhile, statues and paintings will continue to exist for hundreds and thousands of years. Music from ages long forgotten can be heard by simply queuing up a video on Youtube. But fifty years from now, when I think back to my experiences at the 3-Michelin-starred French Laundry, I’ll have nothing more than my memories. I can try to replicate a recipe from one of Keller’s books, but it’s an imitation that will fall woefully short of a true dining experience at the restaurant. And likewise, history won’t really remember Thomas Keller. Or Guy Savoy. Or even Joel Robuchon. Well, not in the same way that we celebrate Van Gogh or Beethoven. Nope, not at all. Even the richest chefs are merely doing a peasant’s job; you’re servant who cooks for others. So when food is your palette, the art must be enjoyed in the moment.

Near the end of the episode, I was about to tweet, “Well, at least Alice didn’t lose her clothes after trying Soma’s cooking… PROGRESS!” But as you can see, I hastily deleted that never-to-be message shortly after finishing the episode.

I always hated it when my mom would often say, “I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made.” Like most kids, this was always a frustrating thing to hear, but why? My mom was only looking out for me, and since she was older than me by several decades, it stood to reason that she had far more life experience than me. Is it because I want to be free? Is it because I want to live my own life and make my own mistakes? Maybe. Even if following my mom’s advice would guarantee a much happier life than the one I have now, there’s something dissatisfying about it. We don’t want to give up our freedom. We don’t want live our life on rails. As an adult, I have my fair share of regrets, but at least they’re own my terms. Plus, assuming I did obey my mom, I could never convince myself that she was right about everything. I could never convince myself that the alternatives, the paths I didn’t take, wouldn’t have also yielded fruitful results. This is probably the most important distinction between a parent’s life lessons and, say, a letter from your future self. Your future self is you, after all. Your parents aren’t infallible, but you should at least know everything there is to know about yourself. If you can’t trust yourself, then who are you going to trust?

One April morning, Naho receives a letter from herself ten years in the future, which is pretty unbelievable, isn’t it? Imagining myself in her shoes, I can’t imagine myself trusting some letter under those circumstances. How is it remotely possible that my future self can communicate with me? But this is where the suspension of disbelief comes in or else we may as well just stop watching here. It also helps that the handwriting’s the same. More importantly, the events described in the letter actually come true. The letter describes Naho waking up late for first time in her young life (really?). The letter predicts that a transfer student by the name of Kakeru will make his appearance that day The letter tells Naho that she will be asked to pinch hit on the 20th, and she should accept it. The letter confesses that Naho will fall in love with Kakeru on that same day. And most disquieting of all, the letter reveals that ten years in the future Kakeru is no longer with them. Naturally, the last revelation is the one event that has not yet come true, but that’s because it is the pivotal event. We don’t want it to come true. The assumption here is that if Naho listens to her future self, she can prevent this tragedy from occurring.

Naho’s future self is full of regrets, and she doesn’t want her younger self to make the same mistakes she made. Typically, when we hear this same advice from our parents, it’s hard to imagine what the consequences will be. Yes, if I don’t buckle down and study, I won’t get a good job. Yes, if I don’t brush my teeth, I’ll get cavities. But it’s all hypothetical, so none of it really hits home. On the other hand, Naho knows exactly what the stakes are. Look, if I don’t listen to my future self, this guy will die. And apparently, she’s already fallen in love with him, which is a realization that she’ll carry with her even when she’s 26 and has a kid. That’s a long time to be hung up on someone. It also helps that the advice Naho gets is very specific. When our parents lecture us, they usually want us to study harder, eat better, don’t drink, so on and so forth. Naho’s letter contains two specific actions: don’t invite Kakeru out on his first day of school, and pinch-hit in that softball game. Well, that doesn’t sound so bad then, does it? But if the anime continues down this path, then it missing a great opportunity. Nobody wants to live their life on rails, but in our minds, there’s a huge trade-off. With Naho’s first letter (I assume she’ll receive more as the story unfolds) doesn’t contain any difficult trade-offs.

Naho initially doesn’t want to pinch-hit, because she is scared. The opposing pitcher looks tough. Naho also wants to abdicate responsibility; she doesn’t want the blame if she goes up there and ends up getting an out. But honestly, none of her fears are really that big of a deal. Even if Naho fails to hit a grand slam or whatever, at the end of the day, it’s still just a game. On the other hand, choosing not to pinch-hit has much dire consequences. It sets a precedent that when the going gets tough, the girl will fold under pressure. We’ve already seen from this episode that Naho stays quiet when she has good reasons to voice her displeasure. She prefers curry bread, but she doesn’t voice her preference. She received the wrong shoes for P.E., but she doesn’t want to complain. The girl is seemingly afraid to take charge of her life. So you can easily imagine that if she turns down this pinch-hitting attempt, she’ll always be timid and scared for the rest of her life. This personality deficiency can easily build up over 26 long years into a life full of regrets. It is thus difficult to imagine that this decision-making branch in her life actually carries with it any real trade-offs.

When our parents want us to do something, there’s usually a much bigger trade-off. Well, in our minds, at least. Let me give you an example of what I mean. If I spend every night studying, I won’t have a social life. I won’t get to spend as much time as I want with my friends. You get the idea. We put our immediate short-term goals over our long-term ones. This is why we rebel against our parents. Do I want to give up special moments with my friends for a job I may never even get nor want? On the other hand, there isn’t much of a trade-off in Naho’s pinch-hitting scenario. As the story unfolds, I hope our heroine come across far more difficult scenarios. I want to her disagree with her future self from time to time. Conflicts make a story far more interesting, and I hope Orange can avoid the common trap of just being an emotional story that tugs at the heartstrings. I really want it to explore the sort of difficult decision-making that teenagers have trouble navigating. It’s just the first episode, so I’m not holding anything against the story yet. I just want the anime to fully embrace its concept. In the opening, we also see her friends sending letters to their past selves. I hope that their decision-making won’t be easy either.

I do, however, have one major issue with the first episode. When the letter tells Naho not to invite Kakeru out on his first day of school, it merely says, “Seriously.” That’s not very convincing, is it? As you can imagine, Naho and her friends — well, mostly her friends — invite Kakeru to hang out with them after school. There’s no reason not to. Some letter that purports to be from the future merely says, “Seriously.” Well, that’s not going to stop me from making this seemingly benign decision to hang out with the new guy! As it turns out, Kakeru doesn’t show up to school the next day. He actually doesn’t show up for quite some time. When Naho’s friends finally get to ask him where he’s been, he claims he was just ditching school, but we can sense that this is a lie. The episode doesn’t reveal the dire consequences of inviting him out on the 6th, but if you’ve read any synopsis out there, you’ll know why the guy should’ve gone directly home instead. So this is my major issue with the episode: if 26-year-old Naho knows perfectly why they shouldn’t invite Kakeru out that day, then why didn’t she give a better reason? Why didn’t she provide a reason? Seriously. The consequences are that bad, and that’s all you write? “Seriously?” Girl, what is wrong with you? No wonder you have regrets!

The first episode sets the mood for the story going forward, and it’s a somber one. It’s really too early to say how the entire thing will turn out, but the premise seems intriguing enough. As I’ve written above, however, I just hope the story fully commits to its ideas. The animation seems decent at times, but already, we’re being bombarded with lazy still shots. Orange looks to be a slow-moving, emotional shoujo, however, so a reliance on still shots won’t be quite as damning here as it is in something like Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress. I can’t speak much to the soundtrack, but I don’t particularly like the VA for Suwa. In the final seconds of the episode, you see that his future self ends up marrying Naho’s future self, but there’s no doubt in my mind that if they manage to set things “right,” the guy will lose the girl to Kakeru. C’mon, you’re not going to win with that voice. As far as the characters are concerned, the story introduces the entire cast, but so far, the spotlight is only on Naho and Kakeru to a lesser extent. Those two are the only ones to have any sort of substantive dialogue in this opening episode. I expect the rest of the group to come to the forefront as they receive their own letters from the future, though.

Alright, time for me to make a decision I’ll regret later, and go eat some cinnamon buns…

I actually don’t really know how to cover the last two episodes, and that’s mostly because Re:Zero doesn’t get my attention until someone actually dies. You must think that’s perverse of me, huh? But what would you have me do? Talk about the royal selection? C’mon, you know I don’t care about that. Other than Emilia, I barely even know any of the other four girls, and even then, Re:Zero universe hasn’t shown me enough of its politics and Lugunica itself for me to care who ends up ruling the kingdom. From a cursory glance — and that’s all we’ve really gotten — the kingdom looks to be doing alright to me. Sure, it has its slums, but every country has pockets of poverty. Felt’s radical desire to tear everything down isn’t really indicative of anything. I’m not going to just take the word of some random girl no matter how impassioned she might be. I’m not saying she doesn’t have a point, but I don’t have enough information to lean one way or the other. I don’t have enough information about anything other than that, well, people really distrust half-elves.

In last week’s episode, Subaru’s antics finally caught up to him. You can only break so many promises to a girl before she gets fed up with you. And y’know, when everyone already treats Emilia differently due to her half-elf status, it doesn’t help Subaru’s case to put her on a pedestal. So yeah, it isn’t hard to see where Emilia is coming from. But again, it’s hard for me to really root for these two kids, because like the show’s politics, I haven’t really gotten to know Emilia’s character all that well. I would even go so far to argue that Subaru doesn’t know her very well either. There was a moment in last week’s episode where he’s practically in tears, because he thought that Emilia of all people should understand him. Dude, you barely know this girl. What is her history? What was her childhood like? How does she feel about the whole royal selection business? What are her short term goals? What are her long term goals? Subaru doesn’t actually know Emilia at all.

And at this point, it struck me that it’s incredibly difficult to have a serious conversation with the guy. Y’know, when the chips are down, when things appear to be dire, that’s when the serious Subaru truly comes out. But how often does Emilia get to encounter that side of him? Re:Zero fans love the guy, because of his light-hearted quips, his meta references, his silly demeanor, so on and so forth. But they also love him because they get to see him 24/7. Emilia doesn’t have that ability nor does anyone else for that matter. You also can’t play the clown, then expect people to take you seriously on a dime. So he expects Emilia to understand his feelings even though he has difficulty conveying his thoughts through words. He doesn’t really understand her as much as he would like either. Where does that then leave me, the viewer? From my perspective, she’s just a kind-hearted girl who wants to take the throne and enact some sort of equality for all policy. Well, that sounds nice, but that’s not enough to get emotionally invested in a character.

When Emilia lost her trust in Subaru, and left him behind at the capital, that sure seemed like it should’ve been some sort of pivotal moment in their relationship. Something serious just went down, huh? But ‘huh’ is the operative word. ‘Huh’ was basically my reaction. I shrugged and just said, “Huh.” There was neither a puzzled nor a questioning inflection to my “Huh.” It was just simply “Huh.” Because at this point in time, it sure feels to me that he has a bigger emotional connection to Rem than he does with Emilia. As a result, I’m afraid I don’t really care that Emilia doesn’t trust him. I don’t really care that she misunderstands his intentions. But that’s all we’ve got. Take away the timeline resetting gimmick, and what’s left is a really underdeveloped political subplot, and an equally underdeveloped romance between Subaru and Emilia. After fourteen episode, this is all we’ve got. And people are going to be like, “It isn’t fair to just take away the one defining characteristic about the series!” But I’m not the one who did it! Re:Zero did this to itself! Subaru hasn’t had to reset his timeline once in the past three episodes.

Midway through this week’s episode, Subaru gets some bad news. Through some sort of special demon twin brain link, Rem senses that Ram is in trouble… I think. Whatever, the point is that Emilia is likely in trouble, and of course, Subaru has to disobey her wishes once more and hurry back to the mansion. And okay, he cares about her, because she’s nice to him, and she’s profoundly touched him through her actions in timelines that have been overwritten, yadda yadda yadda. But like I’m saying, that’s all from his perspective. From my perspective, it’s hard for me to care one way or another about the girl. So even though Subaru is desperate to return to the mansion, that same sense of urgency doesn’t translate. I’m not feeling it. I didn’t really care either when those two had an argument. I never saw them as a couple anyway. Couples should bond on multiple levels. His inability to be serious with her as much as he needs to raises all kinds of red flags.

So like I’ve said, what am I supposed to cover? 95% of the past three episodes is sadly just one long, elaborate set-up for the current arc. I didn’t tune into this anime to watch a half-baked romance between Subaru and Emilia. I didn’t tune into this anime to watch an incomplete political thriller feebly unfold. I tuned in because of Subaru’s ability to restart his timeline whenever he gets killed, and sadly, he still hasn’t died in three whole episodes. But finally, after all that talking, all that fanfare, and all those bedside tears, Subaru has returned to the mansion… only to find nothing but dead bodies piled upon dead bodies. Even Rem is nothing more than a corpse with a sword stuck in her back. Good lord, a three-episode long prologue. That’s what I just sat through. I had to endure three episodes of weak drama to finally get to the show’s meat and potatoes. It’s not that I want to see people get killed. But let’s be honest, it’s all Re:Zero’s got going for it. I expect to see Subaru die in next week’s episode. Thank god for that.

So many shows to watch, so little time. Thankfully, today’s a national holiday, and I get to waste it by watching anime! 

Amaama to Inazuma Ep. 1

Hm, another show about a young, handsome man trying to raise a cute, energetic little girl. I hope this one doesn’t also end with him marrying her when she gets older. Either way, I won’t be sticking around to find out. These slice-of-life shows do nothing for me, but I did at least finish the first episode. One thing caught my attention: just as our father-daughter duo are leaving their apartment in the morning, the anime cuts to a picture of the deceased mother. I might have been interested in watching an anime about two young adults learning how to be parents for the first time, learning how to divvy up their household duties equally, learning how to find time for themselves as a couple in spite of their kid, so on and so forth. But just the father alone with his daughter? Alright, been there, done that. Then he befriends one of his female students? Yeah, okay, I’ll pass. I just don’t understand the need to replace the mother with a young high school girl. It’s kind of off-putting, especially with her blushing over and over. And really, even as an Asian person, I would never eat a plain bowl of rice.

Days Ep. 1

As generic as they come. Not only that, it’s just the first week and the animation is already ass. I’m really disappointed by MAPPA. They’re not infallible, but I expected something a little more than yet another sniveling, tryhard kid who will overcome all odds through pluck and determination. The sniveling part is the worst, too. It’s the same reason I had so much trouble getting into My Hero Academia.

Endride Ep. 12 & 13

This anime’s story is not complicated enough to require a flashback episode. Hell, I don’t think any show requires a flashback episode. So what have we been missing out on? Delzaine’s dead, Babel’s defunct, who knows if Tiger dude is still alive, and nobody has a clue what to do next, because we’re too busy airing flashbacks in an anime that was already crammed to the brim with flashbacks. What a waste of time.

Hatsukoi Monster Ep. 1

I like to imagine that Kanade is really in his mid-twenties, and he’s just been held back repeatedly. It makes the show a lot funnier in my mind. And honestly, the comedy bits almost redeem Hatsukoi Monster. Almost. There’s something surreal about a bunch of manchildren running around, talking about their wieners. And this would only work if you’re cognizant of anime’s penchant for infantilizing its characters, especially its female characters. A good portion of the first episode almost resembles a tongue-in-cheek parody of harem anime romance. If what we have here is disgusting, then why isn’t it also disgusting when a 13-year-old schoolgirl with large breasts falls in love with the prototypical harem lead? Unfortunately, Hatsukoi Monster loses all credibility and gets creepy real quick whenever the romance side comes into play. Yes, unfortunately, romance is still in the equation. I can’t tell if the target audience’s hearts are supposed to melt whenever Kanade does something stereotypically gallant. Personally, the thought of a fifth grader sweeping a high school girl off her feet kinda makes me want to throw up, but maybe that’s the genius of the show. I just can’t tell after one episode. This is where people who have read the manga will chime in and tell me that there’s nothing redeemable about the story, but we’ll see. In the meantime, mind the (age) gap, people. Mind the (age) gap.

Kuromukuro Ep. 11 & 12

Wow, would you look at the size of that onigiri. There’s a onigiri shop near my work. I think it’s called Onigilly, and I kinda want to try it. Maybe tomorrow. Anyway, I still plan on blogging this show regularly. I’m not going to relegate it to the Monday Blues permanently or anything. Schedule-wise and energy-wise, the past few weeks have just been impacted. Kuromukuro has excellent timing anyway, since I doubt I would’ve had much to say about Yukina’s training camp. It was actually a pretty fun episode to watch; it got me to laugh a couple times. There just isn’t really much here to write about about. Ken and Yukina are growing closer, Sophie’s demeanor has soften considerably, and we still know nothing about the enemy. I don’t mind a light-hearted episode every now and then. It’s good to give the audience a breather. I just hope they don’t drag the Efidolg thing out too long. It’s starting to get annoying.

Taboo Tattoo Ep. 1

Let’s see, we have a bland protagonist with a strong sense of justice (his name is literally Justice), a mysterious girl with a silly name, a childhood friend who dotes on the hero like a mother, and… hm, what else? Oh yeah, characters manifest their special anime super powers through the latest gimmick. You gotta have a gimmick. You just gotta if you intend to stand out from the crowd of like-minded anime series. Otherwise, this would just be another generic action show with perhaps some harem elements sprinkled throughout. This time, the gimmick comes in the form of tattoos. And I don’t really know if this is going to be a harem or not, but the huge cast of girls with giant breasts bolted onto their chests isn’t a good sign. But we’ll see, we’ll see. I’m always tempering my expectations with anime, though.

The rest of Taboo Tattoo’s premise doesn’t really have anything going for it either. America and some made-up Asian nation are about to come to blows. As a result, the former has developed these special tattoos as a way to give them the upper edge over their enemies. Again, the tattoos give you special powers in addition to enhancing your physical attributes. Yawn. Somehow, the tattoos are stolen, and our hero Seigi gets his hands on one when he saved a homeless man from a bunch of street punks. This makes him a surveillance target for Izzy, the aforementioned mysterious girl. Although she looks to be the same age as Seigi, she’s actually an American lieutenant sent here on a mission to recover the stolen tattoos. For an American, she’s dressed like Saber from the Fate series. Maybe it’s just me, but the OP and ED hints at a girl who even kinda looks like Rin. Anyway…

Because JC Staff is heading up this adaptation, the animation is actually kinda decent. For the very first episode, at least, the action scenes seem pretty fluid to my untrained eyes. Maybe someone with a more discerning taste can tell me why the animation is actually bad, but what I’ve seen so far looks alright. It’s the story that’s the problem. There’s nothing exciting about it nor its characters. Granted, it’s just the first episode, and it’s done nothing but set the stage, but even then, the show should at least hint at narrative’s general direction. I’m also not a big fan of the anime’s current tone. It’s this mix of serious and silly that I’ve never been a fan of; I had the same criticism for Bungou Stray Dogs, but to Taboo Tattoo’s credit, it feels a little more serious by comparison. Ah well. This is probably just another throwaway show for the Monday Blues, I guess.

Tales of Zestiria the X Ep. 1

Geez, what high production values for a Tales adaptation. But even to this day, I’m not sure if I’m completely sold on ufotable’s heavy reliance on CGI. The animation looks clean and sharp overall, but the 3-D aspects stick out just a little too much for my liking. Anyway, I’ve never played Zestiria, and I have no intention to. At the moment, the Steam version of the game is still sitting at $49.99, which is way too much for what looks like yet another mediocre JRPG. How can I call it mediocre when I’ve never even played it? I dunno, let’s just call it a hunch. Tales games haven’t impressed me in a long time, and honestly, I’m really quite surprised Zestiria even sold well enough to warrant an anime adaptation. The last time I read anything about the game, there was some controversy about a bait-and-switch regarding the story’s primary heroine. I’m not going to get into it here to avoid spoilers, and honestly, when I read about the issue at the time, I couldn’t really see what the big deal was.

Like most Tales games, there’s a great calamity threatening the land, and we gotta do something about it. Again, I haven’t played the game, but the Tales series tends to follow a pretty strict formula. There is almost always a strapping young lad to save the world, but then again, that’s true of most JRPGs. I hear the next Tales game will buck that trend, but in any case, just to keep us on our toes, ufotable opts to focus on Alisha in this prologue. We don’t even meet the hero in this opening episode. Personally, I find the narrative a bit disjointed. Something about a mist. First, Alisha sends Clemm to the nearby village of Griel to report on any health problems, then a professor follows her. Finally, Alisha herself decides to retrieve Clemm personally. She runs into a couple bizarre figures along the way, but more importantly, the dark mist eventually turns into a major disaster. Griel is turned into ruins, and her friends are dead. Yeesh, that’s rather dark.

If ufotable can avoid overburdening this adaptation with scenes of people just standing around in a room and talking my ears off, then maybe I can enjoy it after all. As always, the studio does action well. But even in this opening episode, I see signs of ufotable’s bad habits rearing their ugly heads. Exposition is of course important to any story, and I don’t want to rehash that debate all over again. It’s just ufotable as a specific brand of exposition that really gets on my nerves. Anyways, I heard Zestiria features a bromance instead of a romance. How exciting.

Ugh, I can’t write anymore. I’ve watched enough anime for one day. I’ll be back tomorrow night with more quick impressions. Tomorrow’s post will also wrap up Netoge no Yoma wa Onnanoko ja Nai to Omotta and Seisen Cerberus.

Don’t worry, because this won’t be a regular thing. I’m just doing another quick impressions post to pare down the summer shows. Obviously, I can’t cover them all. But before we get to the new stuff, let’s wrap up some leftover spring series.

Netoge no Yome wa Onnanoko ja Nai to Omotta. Ep. 12 (Finale)

The Alley Cats and their allies ultimately prevail over the elite PVPers. Well, no surprise there. But how did they do it? By running out the clock. Obviously, our heroes can’t compete in terms of raw PVPing ability, but they have a whole bag of clever tricks for their unsuspecting opponents. I won’t recap the entire battle. I’ll just focus on the pivotal moment, which was when Kyou kept spamming potions to keep herself alive against Bats. While this is clever in an anime sort of way, it is also hella cheap. This is why MMOs have cooldowns on consumables. For people who don’t play MMOs, it means that when you use a consumable such as a potion, ether or what have you, you will then need to wait for a certain amount of time to pass before you can use the same consumable again. This prevents players like Kyou from abusing potentially game-breaking items in such a fashion. ‘Cause let’s face it… the only reason she has so many potions to begin with is because she’s filthy rich in real life, and most players frown on any sort of pay-to-win advantages. Hell, even Kyou’s own guildmates tried to wean her off of spending so much money on in-game items. But at the end of the day, she had to fall back into old habits in order for her guild to takeover the fort. So did anyone actually grow and mature over the course of this series?

Nishimura even finally relents and accepts that Ako is his wife, but of course, nobody ever has the guts in this anime to make-out or anything. I guess you could call it a compromise on his part, but I dunno… On the flip side of the coin, Ako is less of a shut-in these days, and Segawa is less neurotic about keeping her personal life and her school life separate. So is this progress? Ah, who cares… Netoge no Yome wa Onnanoko ja Nai to Omotta is actually not as bad as I thought it would be, but I’m ready to forget all about it and move on.

Seisen Cerberus Ep. 13 (Finale)

At the last second, Nambuuko decides to merge himself with Dagan Zot, but he makes one critical mistake: he enrages Hiiro. Everyone knows that when the hero is pissed off, their strength grows exponentially. So even though the kid had been useless for 99% of the story, he pretty much takes Nambuuko out in two moves. Tsk tsk tsk… if Nambuuko had never killed Saraato, none of this would’ve happened. Then it’s Dagan Zot’s turn to pick a fight with Hiiro. Even though the kid walked away from that one mage dude (Master something… I don’t even remember anymore) wholly unimpressed and unconvinced that he had learned anything, Hiiro suddenly realizes that he has great magical powers. And just like that, he also defeats Dagan Zot without breaking a sweat. Man…

So Hiiro gets his original heart back from Dagan Zot, but instead of putting it back in himself, he gives it to Saraato. This revives the girl, and the show gets its happy little ending. Even the 362-year-old loli-turned-catgirl has a bright future. I don’t think a single character underwent any sort of emotional development throughout the course of this anime. Well, Saraato can now cry. I assume it’s because she now has a human heart, but I guess her “father” inexplicably dying must also be pretty sad for the girl. By the way, what was up with that? Creepy old man just randomly died offscreen. Ah, whatever. This was a show for kids, so I’m not gonna hold anything against it. Seisen Cerberus is just another vapid, inconsequential adventure tale to come and go.

Alright, time for some summer shows…

Fukigen na Mononokean Ep. 1

Pure fluff. There’s nothing offensive about this show, but there’s nothing challenging about it either. What we have here is yet another story about yokais, and how we need to peacefully coexist with our surroundings or whatever. It’s the typical zen-like, peace-loving schtick that you see every now and then from anime. Our story kicks off when Ashiya stumbles across some big, furry thing on his way home. The yokai quickly attaches itself to him, and slowly saps the kid of energy. I’m writing this post while my 12 lbs. cat is sitting in my lap, so I can sympathize. As luck would have it, there’s an exorcist at Ashiya’s school. Abeno, the exorcist, points out that the furry yokai is lonely and just wants to play, so Ashiya plays with it until it’s happy enough to go back home to the underworld. But now, he owes Abeno a bunch of underworld money, and he’ll need to work it off as the latter’s assistant or something. Yawn. Like I said, the show is pure fluff. I don’t recommend going out of your way to watch it, and I doubt I’ll continue covering the show after this week.

Masou Gakuen HxH Ep. 1

You over there! Quick! Molest that unconscious girl! This is for the sake of humanity! Making a girl orgasm is the only way to energize her back to full fighting capacity! Even if she doesn’t want it, it’s for her own good! Well?! We haven’t got all day!

Truth be told, I didn’t find the anime all that cringeworthy or subversive. In fact, the whole thing was kinda boring. Maybe I’m just desensitized from all these years of watching anime, but haven’t we seen this sort of thing before? With Daimidaler? There was also some other mecha show where they had to make out and shit in order to fight. Meh, I can’t remember them all. Point is, this show doesn’t even have the shock value of, say, Manyuu Hikenchou. Anyways, there’s nothing interesting about Masou Gakuen HxH. A bunch of grown men pretending to be fifth graders is more bizarre than this. You can also easily find a doujinshi that is a hundred times more subversive and disturbing, so this show is nothing more than a passing novelty. For who? Beats me. People who can’t even commit to jerking off? Whatever. I can’t even pretend to have mock outrage for the whole molestation angle, because let’s face it, that’s endemic to the medium as a whole and not just a few isolated series.

Rewrite Ep. 1

You know you’re watching an adaptation of some lame visual novel when the main character utters, “The deserted city stimulates my boyish sense of adventure.” Only a visual novel character could say something so corny. Shortly afterwards, a woman shows up to the kid’s house, and tells him to find her lost daughter. Just like that. On his way through a forest, the kid encounters a random pig-like thing, so he literally stands there and comments on the creature’s appearance. Um, okay. Just because this is a visual novel adaptation, that doesn’t mean you need to include every bizarre visual novel idiosyncrasies into the anime. Unfortunately, the story is overburdened by Tennouji’s voiceovers. There isn’t a scene in which he doesn’t provide a running commentary. With a visually fluid format like anime, we should be relying on the medium’s strengths to convey the same information. But like most visual novel adaptations, Rewrite takes the lazy route. Tennouji will literally pause in the middle of an empty stairwell and talk out loud to himself. Also, the girl’s uniforms look ridiculous, which isn’t really a visual novel thing, but I’ll pin the blame on it anyways.

For now, the majority of the plot remains a mystery despite the first episode’s doubled runtime. At night, Tennouji keeps getting bitten at night by some silver-haired ghost. During the day, we are slowly introduced to the show’s Key-esque heroines. What makes them Key-esque? Oh, just the fact that they’re dumb as bricks. Meanwhile, the main character tries to be clever and sometimes even meta in his commentary, but it doesn’t really work. Think Kanon or Clannad, but without KyoAni’s direction. I don’t even like KyoAni, but they have a knack for this sort of thing. It’s not that Yuichi had better lines or anything, but his voice actor did have superior delivery. Anyways, Tennouji spends the latter half of the episode trying to enlist the help of the infamous school witch, because she might be able to help him with his bitey ghost problems. But when he sneaks into the school at night, he finds himself being chased by said ghost. In his attempt to get away, he slips into… another dimension? There, he meets two pixie-like creatures, and together, they stumble upon some large, scary beast that threatens to kill them all. Thankfully, bitey ghost makes her reappearance and whips the beast to death with her ribbons. Oh my God, I’m so bored.

The dimension falls apart, and Tennouji finds himself back at school. He finally locates the school witch, and the episode comes to an end. Ultimately, I’m pretty unimpressed. The characters aren’t interesting, and the delivery isn’t remotely compelling. Oh no, I’m being bitten by a loli ghost. Help. Save me. Knowing Key, however, there’s going to be some tear-jerky shit by the end of the series.

Scared Rider Xechs Ep. 1

Did… did I miss something? What is the context? Who are these five guys? What are they fighting against? What are their powers? Dirigents? Life after God? You mind taking a minute to explain what the hell you’re talking about? Some shows have too much exposition. I feel like this show had none. I realize I can read the show’s synopsis to fill in the missing information, but c’mon, I shouldn’t have to do that. I could forgive the complete lack of information if the opening episode had balls-to-the-walls action, but a large portion of it featured nothing more than some sourpuss strumming away at his guitar. Also, I sincerely thought the name of the show was Sacred Rider Xechs. But no, it’s Scared. Don’t even ask. And… does this show actually have two EDs? WTF? All I have left to add is that the animation is really terrible, and the art direction is completely phoned in. This is probably the lowest effort show I’ve seen thus far in this young season. The bad guys are apparently shambling mudmen. Worst of all, our heroes are supposed to be pretty boys, but then they cover themselves up in these drab outfits that even the Super Sentai would be embarrassed to wear. But even without their suits, they’re all strangely elongated in an attempt to make them look tall and dashing. Blech.

Servamp Ep. 1

I have a black cat. I would be so sad if she turned into a vampire, much less a morose one. Well, that’s exactly what happens to Mahiru. Kid comes across a sad-looking cat one day, and decides to adopt it. He names it Kuro, and all is well. Nope. All of a sudden, he’s now stuck with some asshole vampire who eats all his food and leaves a mess everywhere. And apparently, if he says the vampire’s name while the latter is in “human” form, the two of them will enter a contract. Unluckily for Mahiru, his “black cat’s” name also happens to be Kuro. Clever. But for the contract to be binding, Kuro has to drink Mahiru’s blood. Since neither of them want to be stuck to each other, this should be a simple problem to fix, right? Nah. Another vampire attacks Kuro, and threatens the lives of people around them. Since Mahiru is your generic hero with a strong sense of justice (we may as well call him Seigi…), he tries to fight the evil vampire by himself. Despite Kuro’s reluctance, he decides to help his master out… and, well, I’m sure you can imagine what happens next.

I remember when vampires used to be cool, but at best, Kuro’s a pretty-boy Pokemon, and at worst, he’s in some BDSM, master/slave dynamic with a 15-year-old kid. Ugh. I’m going to go pray that my cat stays a cat, and I don’t even believe in God.

Alright, that’s enough for tonight. I’m too tired to even go back and proofread this post. I’ll do it tomorrow during my lunch break or something. Ugh. Five new shows, and not a single one has any potential. This is going to be one long summer. I’ll be back tomorrow night with another batch of these quick write-ups. Yay…

Again, I’m just trying to find shows that I’ll be covering for the rest of the summer. Also, tomorrow’s post will be late (if not delayed entirely), because I’ll be checking out an event at a nearby museum about a meat-shaped stone. Yeah… In any case, let’s get started.

Arslan Senki S2 Ep. 1

I didn’t finish blogging the first season, but I did finish it. The story’s okay. Nothing amazing. Your mileage may vary, but I never felt as though the show had any real themes to analyze. Neither the characters nor their relationships are really complex enough to sit down and examine on any close level. And the political twists and turns are really quite standard here. I’m literally just following the show to see what happens next. In any case, I really didn’t expect to see Andragoras free himself so easily and reclaim his throne. He has spent an entire season in chains — and I doubt he had much to eat — but he’s apparently still fit as hell. God, being an anime character must be sweet. You can give yourself muscles with nothing but a steady diet of determination and anger.

Cheer Danshi!! Ep. 1

Is it? I don’t want to shortchange cheerleaders, because I obviously can’t do what they do. But if I’m going to be honest, I can’t say cheerleaders have ever caught my attention at any level. Not in high school, not in college, and certainly not at the pro level. I’ve never seen cheerleaders actually impact the crowd or the players to any significant amount. When people show up to a sporting event, they’re already hyped up. They’ve come prepared to cheer. Maybe cheerleaders help organize and focus the crowd’s energy, but I can’t imagine an athlete ever saying, “Yeah, I was only giving 100%, but when I heard our cheerleading squad do one of their routines, it jacked me up to 110%!!” But again, that’s just my admittedly jaded impression. Maybe it’s different where I’m from, and cheerleading does matter in other places of the world. I’m willing to see different perspectives, so as a result, Cheer Danshi!! has my interest somewhat piqued. The story seems to have the impression that cheerleading can be a powerful thing: “Become a hero by supporting someone else.” I want to roll my eyes at that, but I also want to see if the anime can pull it off and convince me otherwise. Plus, I kinda want to see how Haru gets past the initial embarrassment of joining a male-only cheerleading team. And for the moment, Wataru is kinda amusing.

New Game! Ep. 1

So… Aoba gets hired right out of high school, and she doesn’t really know anything. She can’t program nor does she have any experience with 3-D modeling. But apparently, that’s okay, because her employer is more than happy to just let her sit there and learn necessary skills for the job on the fly. Alright. I wish I could do that in the real world. To make matters worse, her co-workers are all young and cute girls. There isn’t a single guy in their immediate vicinity. Alright. More power to women, I guess. At one point in the episode, the girls even whip out tea cups and munch on cookies in the middle of the office. Ugh. Yeah, there’s nothing to chew on here. I found Shirobako incredibly boring, but that show actually took its premise seriously. It could actually teach me a thing or two about what it takes to produce an anime. New Game!’s first episode, on the other hand, is literally just cute girls pretending to be professionals. Maybe the rest of the series will get a whole lot more technical, but I’m not going to get my hopes up. The episode has some stuff that can resonate with viewers, especially if you’ve ever been in the office environment. For example, Hifumi is extremely shy in person, but her online persona is completely different. With everyone using Hangouts nowadays, I’ve gotten to know my fair share of real life Hifumis. But this sort of thing isn’t enough to make New Game! remotely worth watching. Unless next week’s episode steps up its game significantly, I’ll pretty much ignore this show entirely.

Hm, it looks like I’m all caught up for now. Yeah, I skipped a few shows, but any longtime reader of Moe Sucks knows I wouldn’t touch an idol series with a 10-foot pole. I also skipped D.Gray-man, because I haven’t watched the first anime adaptation at all. And it had what? Over a hundred episodes? Yeah, that’s not going to happen. I guess I may as well wrap this post up with a few brief words about…

My Hero Academia

I personally don’t think superheroes are very compelling by themselves. You can’t really be a hero without a villain, there is no light without darkness, an action is only good if there’s a corresponding evil action, yadda yadda yadda. And for the majority of the first season, My Hero Academia lacks any sort of evil, much less a super one. It isn’t until the final four episodes (five if you include the last few seconds of episode nine) that we are finally introduced us to a group of foes aiming to murder All Might, i.e. the world’s Symbol of Peace, and only then did I truly start to enjoy the show. That isn’t to say that My Hero Academia is a bad anime or anything. It’s technically well-made, and there are some amusing fun moments. It’s just an incomplete one. The first season is basically just a very long prologue. Like with most shounen series, we haven’t even scratched the surface of the story.

Just for the sake of comparison, after thirteen episodes, Goku and his buddies had only managed to defeat Raditz. I never watched Naruto, but it’s probably a safe assumption that it didn’t get much done in thirteen episodes either. So I can’t really hold it against My Hero Academia that its pacing simply matches up with like-minded series. Shounen anime of this sort are a whole different beast. When I was sixth grade, I remember enjoying episodes after episodes of Goku just running along some featureless snake pathway. Granted, I don’t go for that sort of thing anymore, but would it really be fair for me to judge My Hero Academia for doing the same thing? And like I said, the training episodes weren’t all bad. They had their cute moments like when Uraraka propelled herself into the air at the last second to touch the bomb. But without the bad guys, then all I’ve got are the good guys. And… well, I’m not a Midoriya fan just yet.

Every hero has to start somewhere, and since shounen series seem to have all the time in the world, we can literally start from zero. And for the majority of this first season, that’s what you get. A zero. Like most anime protagonists, shounen or otherwise, Midoriya has a good heart. No matter what I may say about him, he’s got that. He’s got determination. He’s an earnest kid who’s just trying to be a hero. Fair enough. But good lord, does he cry a lot. I think he pretty much cried in every single episode! And I get it, I get it… as the story develops, so will his character. He’ll slowly become more confident as he masters his “One for All” power. He’s already less of a crybaby by the end of this first season. Like with the whole villain thing, my opinion of Midoriya started to change a bit during the last few episodes. But that still left me with a good two-thirds of the season where I was constantly cringing at his pitiful tears.

Bakugo is one-dimensionally angry all the time. If Midoriya annoys me with his tears, then Bakugo equally gets on my nerves with his temper tantrums. Yeah, he isn’t supposed to be likable, but thus far, I have yet to see anything redeemable about the kid. He’s just an egotistical prick, so I don’t really understand Midoriya’s childish desire to be Bakugo’s friend. Uraraka is adorable, but at the moment, she’s only just that. There’s no depth or complexity to her character yet, and I’m not sure if there ever will. I would like to see at least one strong heroine emerge from the cast, but you never know with shounen anime. Iida hasn’t got much depth to him either. Plus, as the straight man archetype, his job is literally to be boring. I’m not even going to get into the rest of the students, since I wouldn’t have anything insightful to say about any of them either. But I mean, it’s a shounen. It’s not like Piccolo was a deep character or anything.

Truly, the only real character that intrigues me at the moment is All Might, and that’s because he’s a superhero fast approaching his twilight. We all have to retire someday, but what is it like to retire from being a superhero? There’s something about a hero’s impending mortality that fascinates me. Here’s a man who’s used to victory and success, but the years of fighting evil has slowly eaten away at his body. He’s a shell of his former self, only capable of using his powers for a few hours everyday. Hell, it might even be less than an hour now. And yet, we can’t allow a Symbol of Peace to die. He means too much to the people around him. Or does it mean too much to him? Plus, what will it be like for All Might to be normal again? Will he try to get married? Can he still get married? After years of being a hero, can he honestly reintegrate himself into society?

But at the end of the day, this is My Hero Academia, so the show doesn’t really delve too deeply into All Might’s psyche nor do I expect it to. As a result, the guy is pretty noble and virtuous. There isn’t a dark side to him that is perhaps desperate to cling to the limelight for just a little longer. There isn’t a dark side to him that is perhaps jealous of his students or even Midoriya’s burgeoning strength. There isn’t a dark to side to him that is perhaps falling into despair over his deteriorating body. The guy remains relatively upbeat and inspirational even in his human form. You can call All Might reckless for continually pushing his body to the limit in order to save people, but you can tell he isn’t doing it out of selfishness or anything. And y’know, it strikes me that most stories tend to chicken out at the last second when it comes to these vulnerable heroes.

Tiger & Bunny tried to portray the same sort of thing. The eponymous Tiger’s powers were waning, and he’s no longer idolized in the public eye. Plus, his daughter was getting increasingly frustrated with his inability to spend time with her. But at the end of the day, Tiger still kicked ass and saved the day. The Dark Knight Rises is very similar in that regard. Batman was supposed to be over-the-hill, and weakened after years of strenuous crime-fighting. He suffers a ignominious defeat at the hands of Bane, and then… then what? He literally trains himself back into tip-top shape, and saves the day. Granted, he hangs it all up by the end of the movie, but he still got to have his one shining moment of triumph. So what does this mean for All Might? I’m sure he’ll retire one day too, but not without one big, triumphant battle to send him off.

Hoo boy, I feel as though I just went on a tangent. But yeah, My Hero Academia is okay, I guess. And if I’m still blogging when the second season finally airs, I’ll probably watch it just to see what happens next. But it’s just like any other shounen, really. There’s nothing really special about it.

Believe it or not, I am actually incredibly intrigued by this show’s concept. There’s something rather tragic about Hoshino Yumeni. How much does she really understand? How “smart” is she really? Does she have the capability to process loneliness? If she does, then she must be incredibly lonely. Any normal person in her position would’ve already gone mad from the isolation, but can robots like her go mad? Perhaps she’s already gone mad. Is Hoshino capable of doubt? If so, doubt must have crept in by now. How many days would she have spent wondering, “Have I been abandoned? Why do we get no customers? Why isn’t any of the other departments responding? Why was I created? What is my purpose?” At this point in the story, it’s too early to tell. It’s really too early to tell if Hoshino’s completely unaware of the situation she’s in, or even worse, she’s just maintaining her composure because this Junker — the hero of the story — is the first “customer” she’s seen in a long time. I have an inkling it’s the latter.

Hoshino’s trying really hard to impress Junker, so that adds an extra layer of complexity to her persona. First, she lied about him being the 2,500,000th customer, so you know she’s capable of deception. It may have been an innocent lie, but I doubt her creators explicitly included that feature when they programmed her AI. And if that’s truly the case, is it a behavior that she’s developed on her own? Or did she learn it by example? Maybe she learned how to lie before the world came to an end, but it makes you wonder… Additionally, if Hoshino’s capable of lying, is she also capable of detecting lies? Is she aware that the Junker is simply lying to her in order to get away from her? Perhaps she’s just too polite to show any indication that she knows he’s lying. She is a companion robot, after all. Hoshino also fashions a makeshift bouquet out of junk. Is that resourcefulness on her part? Or is it insanity? ‘Cause c’mon, that’s no bouquet. It almost feels like she’s nervous or anxious underneath that friendly facade. But again, it’s hard to tell after just one episode.

Is Hoshino concerned about the Junker because it’s part of her programming, or is she truly desperate to retain her first “customer?” Is she super apologetic because it’s part of her programming, or again, is she just desperate not to fail at the one thing she’s designed to do? There’s a subtle difference between the two. And why did the poor robot ever awaken from her slumber? Was it purely accidental? Or something else entirely? I figure it’s probably just accidental, but you never know. At one point, the Junker remembers a warning he had received about the robot from another Junker. I imagine that this is just a red herring, but nevertheless, there’s a possibility that Hoshino might be dangerous. Yeah, the show really sparks my curiosity. There’s so much I want to know about this robot, how much humanity it has, the post apocalyptic setting, so on and so forth. Would he ever be tempted to sell her? I mean, it looks like a dog eat dog world out there, and a companion robot might be pretty useful…

Hoshino’s going to eventually “die.” Assuming there’s a way to recharge her battery, everything goes through normal wear-and-tear, and I don’t think she’s capable of self-repair. i don’t think Junker has that sort of knowledge either. If anyone can fix Hoshino, they’re either dead or incredibly difficult to reach. Or expensive. And yeah, we’re all going to die eventually, but most of us have family and friends to support us through those final years. Most of us will have also lived long, fulfilling lives before we kick the bucket. Up until the Junker entered her life, however, Hoshino has had no one for approximately 30 years if her memory is reliable. Humans die peacefully when they are content with the life they’ve lived. Unless something drastically changes for the robot, however, Hoshino will never know that feeling. She isn’t designed to accomplish anything that most of us would consider meaningful. She’s just a companion robot. Her purpose is customer relations, but there are no customers. Let’s just say I hope robots can’t feel existential angst.

I do have qualms about the show. Of course, I do. It’s anime, after all, and I’ve been let down by anime too many times to count. I just hope this Junker doesn’t fall in love with the robot or whatever. Plus, I’m not keen on Hoshino’s character design. I would’ve gone with something less ostentatious. She just looks a little too ridiculous for a robot that is supposed to have universal appeal. It’s a minor thing, but I don’t really get why she has all these built-in UI features that only she can see. Why would she need any of this information displayed to her? As a robot, shouldn’t she just know, for instance, how much battery she has left? But again, this is just a minor visual thing. It irks me, but it doesn’t really affect the overall quality of the anime. Most of all, I just want Planetarium to truly deliver on its sci-fi themes. What was the last like-minded show to cross our paths? Plastic Memories or something? Yeah, that was trash. Please, just give me a smart, thought-provoking show, and not yet another pandering nonsense series.

Anyways, I hear this is only going to get five episodes, which is actually a plus in my book. With only five episodes to tell the story, Planetarium will have to stay focused. No fillers, no frills. Just deliver a compelling story without any pointless anime romance bullshit like going on dates and whatnot. I look forward to the next episode. And what do you know, this is based off of a story from Key…

P.S. I was going to cover two more shows tonight, but I’ve run out of time. Ah well, we’ll get to them tomorrow. ‘Cause why go out on a Friday night when I piss and moan about anime to my loyal readers?

Violence begets violence. On a cold, winter night, Angelo’s family was murdered in cold blood right before his own eyes. Seven years later, Angelo is now Avilio Bruno, and he’s out for revenge. The young, brash Nero Vanetti is our hero’s target. But you can already see the web of violence slowly being woven. In order to get his quest for vengeance off the ground, Avilio enlists the help of his childhood friend Corteo. Corteo’s a bootlegger, and his moonshine can fetch a high price. This is the perfect ticket to get Avilio’s foot in the door. It’s unlikely, however, that Corteo will escaped from this unscathed, and Avilio’s thirst for justice may have unintended consequences. Not only that, their run-in with the unhinged Fango has not only earned our hero a new enemy, but the incident will no doubt draw the attention of the Orco family. For seven years, Avilio has perhaps meticulously planned out his revenge. But as we can easily see from just the first episode alone, things can and will quickly spiral out of control. Had it not been for Corteo’s quick thinking and knowledge of chemistry, Avilio might have died in that bar today. And yet, it’s probably too late for him to turn back. After seven years of harboring and nurturing his hate for the Vanetti family, he’s not going to just abandon his quest now. Still, it’s hard to see Avilio emerging from this story a happier, more fulfilled man.

People always say, “Revenge won’t solve anything. It won’t make you feel better.” Avilio’s family was murdered, and the perpetrators are still unpunished. He feels the need to restore balance to the universe. He desires justice. But again, revenge escalates violence, and in the end, what will a bloodbath solve? This is why we are often told to turn the other cheek. It is said that in revenge you’ll only draw even with your fellow man. If you can forgive, however, you will be superior. Studies have even shown that restorative justice — not retributive justice — is better at helping victims achieve lasting peace. I will suggest, however, that this all assumes an ideal society. Now, an ideal society isn’t a society without crimes. After all, humans are far from perfect, so how can an ideal society of flawed individuals be without crimes? Humans will err. Humans will hurt others. It stands to reason that in an ideal society, injustices will still occur. What it means to be an ideal society, however, is that those injustices will be rectified. An ideal society has laws in place to protect its people, and when those laws are broken, the state is empowered to mete out punishment. And in an ideal society, the punished will presumably learn from their mistakes, accept responsibilities, make amends, so on and so forth. The victims learn to forgive, and we can thus break the cycle of violence. But what if you don’t have an ideal society?

At the end of the day, someone still has to be punished. Restorative justice does not entirely preclude punishment. The idea there is that the perpetrator learns the full weight of his or her crimes, and the guilt alone is its own punishment. So any notion that punishment can be avoided completely is pure naivete. We just hope to avoid violence, because again, violence supposedly begets violence. But what if you live in a non-ideal society? What if you live in a lawless one? It isn’t an accident that Avilio finds himself returning to a district that is literally named Lawless. There’s little to no hope of restorative justice in a pocket of the world dominated by organized crime, so what other choices does our hero have? What can he do but turn to retributive justice? Therein lies the moral appeal of vigilantes and superheroes. Superheroes would not exist if the state could adequately maintain peace and order. We wouldn’t need Batman if Commissioner Gordon could catch the Joker by himself. Every superhuman story presumes a state that is no longer capable of enforcing its laws and meting out punishment. So yes, it is very, very unlikely that Avilio will find any satisfaction by the end of this story. But the punishment must fit the crime.

Even organized crime syndicates like the mafia feel the all-too-important need to maintain order amongst themselves. This is why you have hoodlums like Fango. Their job is to strike fear into their enemies, and send a message: “This is retaliation. Don’t cross us again if you don’t want trouble.” In a way, this is a form of revenge, and it doesn’t merely seek to make things right, i.e. restore justice for the alleged victims. Rather, this act of revenge also serves as a warning; it tries to prevent future wrongdoings from occurring in the future. In doing so, these organized crime syndicates strike a precarious balance. They exist to break society’s laws and thus profit from their crimes, but as long as these families stick to their own territories, peace and cooperation exist between them in a bastardized way: “If you don’t mess with us, we won’t mess with you.” In a twisted sense, revenge can have beneficial effect on various groups. Can we extend this line of thinking to extreme acts such as murder? 91 Days has tragedy written all over it. Avilio looks as though he’ll stop at nothing to get his revenge, and this quest may very well break him. He may have doomed his childhood friend as well. The personal cost of revenge is likely far greater than its rewards. But what about the greater good?

It’s hard to imagine that there’s a greater good in vengeance, but again, this is not an ideal society. This is a lawless one where the strong preys on the weak. Avilio’s quest for revenge is thus a way to tip the scales in the other direction. After all, the ideal society seeks to protect the weak among us. Our hero may not exist in an ideal society, but that is why he’s a vigilante. Otherwise, he could just turn to the authorities. But with nobody to turn to, he’ll have to impose order on a lawless society in his own way. Even though order may exist between the various families, within each family’s respective territories, they rule with an iron fist. And as rulers, justice doesn’t apply to them. The strong can prey on the weak because they don’t fear retaliation. Avilio’s family was murdered in cold blood, because the killers could get away with it. It wasn’t a crime of passion. The men who shot his family won’t feel guilt or make amends. 91 Days doesn’t exist in that sort of world. The killers made a calculated risk. Even if Avilio’s father Testa had turned over the ledger, they were likely going to kill his family anyway. Our hero’s only option in a lawless society is to send an invaluable message of revenge. It is a warning to these families that even if you prey on the weak, there will be retaliation.

A few quick and minor comments to wrap up this post… so far, 91 Days has a pretty compelling story. After all, who doesn’t like a good revenge? If I have to nitpick, the animation is pretty average. The muted colors make sense considering the story’s overall tone, but the art direction itself doesn’t really stand out. The bar, in particular, was a bland and featureless room. On the outside, the architecture feels small and rather unremarkable. There’s not much character to the setting, which is something the anime could really take advantage of. Perhaps the buildings exudes a sense of oppressiveness, for instance. I just want more from the visuals. On the audio side of things, the musical tracks that played during the OP and ED sounded nice (and Godfather-esque, I suppose), but the rest of the episode was forgettable. The soundtrack didn’t really do as much as it could to heighten the tension in either the murder in Avilio’s home nor the chaotic shootout in the bar. Finally, the voice acting for the tough guys have the problem of blending together. They all have that same deep, raspy voice and that same gangster inflection. I don’t have trouble distinguishing the various speakers, but it just ends up sounding homogeneous. But yeah, technical issues aside, 91 Days is off to a solid start. Let’s hope it can maintain this momentum.