I jot down notes as I watch every show, and usually, I’ll turn those notes into an essay. Unfortunately, I’m feeling a little under the weather at the moment (God, I hope it’s not the early stages of the flu), so all I’ve got for you tonight are my notes. There are plenty of them, though; I’ll hope they’ll do for now. Happy Valentine’s Day, fellow weebs.

— Huh, why are we here? What happened with Dietfried at the end of last week’s episode? Why am I listening to some bitter guy trash Auto Memoir Dolls? We find ourselves high up in the mountains at an observatory. Some character by the name of Leon rants about how ghostwriters are all opportunistic gold diggers. Who hurt you, my man? Well, we’ll find out soon enough.

— Oh hey, look who’s back. I don’t mind Luculia.

— I still don’t get why ghostwriters in this universe have to be all women. If this is an attempt at social commentary, then you could argue that women bear the brunt of the emotional labor in our society. In Violet Evergarden’s alternate universe, we take this idea to its logical extremes. The most heartfelt letters are expected to be written by only women. That’s a bit silly, though.

— Basically, they need to transcribe some old books before said books disintegrate. They’ll tackle this problem by having the Doll’s partner dictate the book to her. Naturally, the partner is necessarily a guy. I feel like there must be a better way to accomplish this task, but nothing’s coming to mind.

— Leon tries to give Violet some attitude about how she’s useless if she can’t keep up with his dictation. Ooh, look at me, I’m a big shot who can read fast.

— Ah yes, Alley’s Comet… Halley’s Comet’s annoying cousin who always has to one-up people at parties. Oh, you show up every 74 years? Well, I only show up every 200 years!

— Watching Violet’s mechanical fingers in action, I am reminded of that concert scene in Haruhi. Remember when people creamed their pants over it? They were like “OMG, they animated the guitar fingering!” Nah, the best part about that concert was that it didn’t have worst girl Mikuru. But yeah, gotta give credit where credit’s due: this scene was nuts back in 2006. Man, those were the days. What ever happened to Aya Hirano, anyways?

— I know Violet can type really well and her spelling is top-notch too, but she can’t possibly know how to spell every single proper noun, can she?

— What are you guys going to do about the pictures in the book? In any case, Leon ends up reading 144 pages out loud in a single day. I feel sorry for that boy’s throat.

— Finally, ten minutes into the episode, we see signs of Violet’s counter with Gilbert’s bitterly antagonistic brother. She’s grown to love and appreciate her role as an Auto Memoir Doll. It’s no longer just a mission for her. At the same time, however, she wonders, “Am I really fit to have such a wonderful job?” We know she’s taken many lives as a child soldier (hell, she still is a child), but nowadays, she seems rather harmless. This sort of duality is present in a lot of works, and I’ve covered it before. I’ll just copy what I wrote back then:

I’m reminded of an important existential theme: personhood is the combination of one’s history, memory, experiences and one’s free will. There is a way of looking at the self which reveals two components of every person. Sartre calls these components one’s facticity (“I have done bad things in the past…”) and one’s transcendent self (“…but I am free to stop, and I will.”).

If you go to a serial killer who is utterly repentant, you can ask, “Are you the type of person who kills people?” and he can truthfully answer you twice, “Yes, I am” and “No, I am not.” Why? Because examining one half of his identity, his facticity, describes him as a person who does bad things. Examining the other aspect of his identity, his transcendent free will, which has committed itself to not harm another living thing, describes him as someone who wouldn’t hurt a fly.

What does this all mean? To put it simply, there’s always a chance at redemption.

— I think we can all admit that Violet has grown as a person over the past few episodes. She can now smile, she can now appreciate her job, she can now understand people’s feelings, so on and so forth. So I naturally have to wonder… when she was defending Leon against those classist bullies — was she really just “stating the facts?” I mean, how can you be a great Doll if you can’t sympathize or empathize with your clients? She’s using examples about her own past and character in order to defend Leon. What is this if not empathy? When Leon returns to Violet, she astutely asks if he’s upset. Would she ask that if she could not at the very least sympathize with him?

— These boys fall in love so easily. Then again, it seems like they rarely get to hang out with members of the opposite sex up here on these mountains. They’re practically monks, ecclesiastically devoted to the stars.

— Violet says she has a habit of not eating. Why? Because you are at your most defenseless when you are eating or sleeping. Kinda reminds me of Dwight Schrute.

— Leon hasn’t been around girls much if he truly believes this. I’m being snarky, but in all seriousness, this does play into the duality of personhood that we were just talking about. She can answer truthfully that she’s done bad things, but at the same time, she’s now an ordinary girl who enjoys writing and feeding birds during her free time.

— That poor baguette. Leon’s getting a little too excited just talking to a girl.

— But it’s too bad that Violet Evergarden is such an episodic anime series, so even if we do see Leon again after this week’s episode, he probably won’t have much of a role to play. I mean, just look at Luculia. We saw her for about five seconds, and she’s practically disappeared from the episode. It would be nice to get a story that spans several episodes — an arc, if you will — just so we can have more to chew on, but KyoAni decided that episodic would be best for whatever reason(s).

— Look at this guy daydreaming about the girl every single day just because she was nice to him. It’s okay; I’m the same way.

— Hmm, looks kinda underwhelming in anime form…

— Oh no, I’m defenseless now!

— And now, it’s time for Leon to reveal his life story to Violet. They always try to be so dramatic when they tell these stories: “And then, she fell in love with a man of this town and had a child with him… THAT CHILD WAS ME!” Of course it is. Who else would it be? Plot twist: it wasn’t me!

— He just had to get a pack of smokes. He’ll be back.

— But seriously though, no matter how much you love your husband, I can’t believe you’d leave your child (and a very young one, too). Some things are just more important, and I say that as a person who has no plans to have kids. Once you cross that line, you have to accept your duty as a parent.

— Violet claims that she understands the concept of loneliness, but she can’t tell if she’s feeling or has ever felt it. Leon then helps her realize that she has felt the emotion before through two simple questions. Can we really say that she understood it before this very moment, then?

— Violet: “I would rather die than lose [Gilbert].” Well…

— Sucks for Leon, though. Violet’s the first girl he has ever felt comfortable talking to, but she’s completely devoted to a dead man. Well, maybe now he won’t hold such toxic views about Auto Memoir Dolls anymore.

— Leon wonders if Violet would drop everything and go to Gilbert’s side if the latter was in danger. The girl wouldn’t even hesitate. Nevertheless, she says, “My only thought would be how to apologize to you.” Maybe now he can now understand his mom a little better. That doesn’t mean it was right for her to abandon him, but love does make us bumbling fools.

That’s okay, though. Love’s ability to destroy us all is what makes it so beautifully tragic.

“What do you want to do? Ruin me?”
“Yes. I want to ruin you.”
“Good,” I said. “That’s what I want too.”
― Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

— Oh hey,  now it looks a little more awesome… and yes, Violet clearly loves Gilbert.

— Leon: “I don’t know what the odds are of seeing [Violet] again on my travels.” Here, lemme help you: add Leiden to your travel plans. Done.

— Right before she departs from him (maybe for good), Leon confesses that he’s always wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, but he stayed at the observatory in the hopes that his mother would return one day. But luckily, a single heart-to-heart talk with our socially stunted Violet is enough to clear away years of doubts and anxieties. Look, Violet Evergarden is a very sweet show. It’s a very feelgood and wholesome anime. But at the moment, it is also incredibly unchallenging. I continue to enjoy each week’s episode, but it feels as though the story has plateaued. KyoAni is playing it too safe.

It’s fun to hate on Sword Art Online, but Death March somehow manages to be worse in every possible way. How? Well… 

— So what’s on the itinerary for today? First up is finding suitable housing for Bargain Bin Kirito’s lolis. Naturally, Zena wants to tag along. Doesn’t she have anything better to do than to spend all her day with a lolicon? Apparently not.

— Whoa, too old! Put her back in the closet!

— So where can he live? According to the real estate agent, if BBK wants to house his lolis, he’ll have to do it in the ghetto.

— This dormitory might look like it’s too big for just one lolicon and a few of his girls, but obviously, you want a home that has expansion potential. Unfortunately, BBK passes on the place because he’s scared of a little assassination. Chicken.

— He rejects another place because it’s right next to a brothel. After all, you wouldn’t want older women distracting him from the purity of lolis.

— Aaaaand we’re back to shopping.

— Unfortunately for Zena, BBK can’t even turn a corner without bumping into his lolis. Such is the life of a 29-year-old Japanese programmer.

— Visually, this anime is so boring. BBK’s loli slaves will tell him all about how they’ll buy stuff for him, and the entire time, we’re staring at Zena. Yep, just a static view of Zena smiling.

— Boring scenes of a play follow our extremely short shopping trip in which BBK ends up buying Zena a pair of tacky, heart-shaped earrings. He gripes that it isn’t easy to shop for the blonde girl because she doesn’t come out and say what she wants. Imagine that. We don’t even get to watch the play. Instead, BBK is recapping it to us, because this anime is that lazy. As a result, I’m not gonna bother recapping BBK’s recap. Moral of the story: rich people get what they want.

— YES LETS GET BACK TO THE FOOD

— NO THIS IS NOT FOOD

— I like how one of the lolis passionately speaks out against arranged marriages. By the way… SHE’S A SLAVE.

— BBK then disciplines his loli slave for daring to speak out against antiquated cultural practices. He even gets the title of mediator for using violence. Nice.

— Fang Ants? Wererats? All of a sudden, the city is besieged by pests and rodents. Man, I was so looking to watching the lolis eat meat.

— Fucking ants, though. The guy who wrote this story thought it’d be cool to have his hero fight off a swarm of giant, flying ants.

— We even get to see the loli slaves in action, too. Meanwhile, BBK is so OP, he just flicks pennies at them. Eventually, he gets bored, so he goes and saves the real estate agent from before.

— GET YOUR ADULT COOTIES AWAY FROM ME

— Plus, BBK would have competition in the form of an elf if he went for the real estate agent. That’s the problem with dating nowadays. They’re either too young or taken.

— Some soldier tries to steal BBK’s precious cores, but he forces the guy to buy them instead. As a result, the lolis get to feast tonight. I’m not sure why this scene is included, but there it is.

— Man, this episode is a mess. It’s all over the place. First, we went hunting for a new home. Then we went shopping. Then we watched a play. Then flying ants attacked. Then the loli slaves get to eat. Then BBK gets roped into visiting that brothel from earlier anyway. And now, he gets a mysterious black feather from the sky. There’s nothing remotely interesting happening. The show just throws events at you one after the other with no discernible plot to tie them together. What are we working towards? Escaping the game? Doesn’t seem like. Saving the land? Doesn’t seem like it. Establishing a successful business in this MMORPG? Doesn’t seem like it. Freeing the loli slaves? Doesn’t seem like it. Traveling the world to try out all the food and see all the sights? Doesn’t seem like that either! There’s no goal or point to this anime. Stuff. Just. Happens.

— Case in point, BBK randomly runs into a bunch of weird shadow enemies and a hooded figures in an alley. Naturally, one of them is a loli who needs BBK’s help. Not only that, she’s a loli elf. Of course it is. As soon as he saw the elvish manager, he knew he had to get an elvish loli of his own. Ooooh, I get it now! BBK’s purpose in this game is to collect them all! With 151 different types of lolis out there, he’s got his work cut out for him! Gotta fill out that Lolidex!

Sorry, just notes again for today. Still not feeling too well, but the blog can’t write itself so I’ll continue to post anyway. On the bright side, I’m sure you guys don’t miss my long-winded paragraphs. Alright then, let’s get started…

— The episode opens with Akira at a bookstore. Haruka happens to walk by and spots her, but the distance between them is too great nowadays. She wants to say hi to her friend, but she can’t forget how awkwardly their last encounter ended. Eventually, Yui shows up and Akira leaves with her. To Haruka, not only must it feel as if she and Akira are now from two different worlds, Akira has replaced her with Yui.

— As it turns out, Akira and Haruka used to go way back. Even when the latter had to transfer to a different junior high school, both girls promised to eventually meet up at the same high school. Then in high school, they joined track together. It’s funny how quickly and abruptly things can change.

— Again, we see the recurring motifs of there being two worlds existing side-by-side.

— Akira now belongs on one side, and Haruka belongs on the other side. Just like Akira has new friends now, so does Haruka. We often judge others by their actions, and not their intentions. Haruka is hurt because Akira is avoiding her. Nevertheless, I’m sure Akira isn’t avoiding Haruka because she suddenly dislikes her childhood friend. Rather, it’s just too painful for our heroine to even go near track and anything associated with it. At the same time, she can’t tell her friend to quit track. That would be unfair to Haruka. So what can she do?

— What about Haruka? Has she tried to reach out to Akira? Maybe she has, but we just don’t know. Maybe she knows her friend better than we do. She should; after all, they were childhood friends. So maybe she knows it would only hurt Akira more if she pushed the issue. It’s hard to say, because we only get a few scant moments with Haruka.

— The season has turned to summer, and the smoldering heat is getting to our heroine. She briefly considers indulging in ice cream, but she quickly changes her mind. I agree. Ice cream is great and all, but it’s not a thirst quencher. And our girl is definitely thirsty.

— Case in point.

— But every time she leaves school, she has to pass by the track and field team. Often times, she’ll even run into Haruka and her old teammates. The scar on Akira’s leg has healed, but it doesn’t mean the one on her heart has. So all she can do is run. Figuratively. She runs away from the school and from the bland suburban life beneath her. And when she runs, it feels as though she elevates high into the sky. This motif becomes important later. And because Akira runs, she eventually finds herself at the one place that truly grants her reprieve from all the pain and sorrows of childhood: the diner.

— Like how Akira and Haruka belong in two different worlds, they also belong in two different time periods. They are both looking in opposite directions. Haruka looks at Akira, so she can’t help but think back to the past. She can’t help but think back to their childhood and the promises they made. Haruka is still in her childhood, and she wants to stay there. Meanwhile, Akira looks at Haruka and sees a childhood she can no longer embrace. That childhood is just full of a broken dream — a dream where she once could run. So when Akira turns away towards adulthood where she can work and fall in love. At some point in our lives, we have to acknowledge that our childhood will soon be over. We won’t be able to hang out after school with our friends, we won’t be able to run carelessly into the wind, so on and so forth. Haruka doesn’t have to move on yet and rightfully so. Akira’s injury has forced her to cut her childhood short, and this is something that Haruka can’t empathize with. This is what keeps these two apart.

— But even though Akira is turning towards adulthood, she isn’t quite there yet. She still has one foot planted in childhood. After all, she is under-aged and she is still a high school student. The next day, Akira hears a pair of schoolgirls talk about a certain lucky key chain that will help you get closer to the one you love. Naturally, Akira is taken up by the childish superstition. She immediately tries to play the gacha game in the hopes of landing the lucky black key chain. As a result, this provides an opening for Haruka.

— Christ, just how many key chains did she end up “winning?” Did Akira really carry that many coins on her?

— But even though this is the closest these two former friends have gotten to each other in a long time, Haruka still finds it difficult to say what she wants to say. So in the end, these two end up back where they started this episode: in two different worlds.

— On the practice field, Haruka goes for one last attempt, and all of a sudden, she starts to remember. Back then when they were just children, Haruka could barely keep up with Akira. They were always running, but it seemed as though Akira was always faster. Did she join track just to be with her friend? Well, it’s funny how only one of them is still running anymore… but from a certain point of view, Haruka is still chasing after Akira. If Akira is looking towards the future, and Haruka is still lost in the past, then the latter remains one step behind. And of course, even though Akira can no longer physically run, she’s still running. There’s no doubt about it.

— These are sweat drops, but they could also be seen metaphorically as tear drops. When two people have been friends for a long time, it’s easy to forget why they became friends in the first place. Even though Haruka is looking towards the past, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It means she can self-reflect. She can meditate and think on why Akira is so important to her. Can we say the same about Akira?

— At the bus stop, Haruka calls out to Akira and tosses her one of the gacha balls. In it, Akira finds the lucky key chain along with a note about their friendship. Sometimes, looking to the past helps us confront the future that we are so afraid of. Haruka realizes that she and Akira can’t have the same friendship from their childhood anymore. Things have changed. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean they can’t still be friends. Their friendship just has to evolve beyond track and field. But this epiphany didn’t come easy. And when Akira looks back up to the school, she can no longer see her friend. Out of embarrassment and/or shame, Haruka has ducked out of view.

— This isn’t (thankfully) an anime that relies upon the main character’s narration in order to convey their inner thoughts. Instead, the show leans instead on its visuals. We don’t get to hear what Akira thinks about her friend’s note, but we can make an educated guess.

Storm clouds gather and it begins to rain. Akira soon finds herself at the city library, and of course, she enters it take refuge from the rain. Even though Haruka has extended a branch, Akira isn’t ready to respond in kind. The pain of losing her childhood is still too great, and that’s understandable. She suffered a great, traumatic loss after all. So what can she do but run? And through sheer luck, helping a stranger leads her to a place where she might find Kondo. And ultimately, that’s what this episode is about. Unable to cope with the dark clouds within her, Akira does what she has always done: continue to lean on her wishful love of her manager in order to get her through the day.

— Akira asks Kondo to recommend a book to her, but he mistakenly thinks she wants to read for her own sake. Instead, she only wants to hear his recommendation so that she can understand him better. But still, his message comes from the right place: she needs to find her true calling.

— We briefly cut to Haruka at one point, and she has one of the key chains Akira gifted her attached to her book bag. I truly feel for Haruka. It hurts to lose a friend. But these things take time.

— Akira: “I wonder if photo books count as reading.” Ehhhhh…

— Akira ends up picking out Soseki Natsume’s Botchan. Kondo also takes an interest in a specific novel later in the episode. Unfortunately, I have not had the time and privilege to read classic Japanese literature, so I have no clue what subtext they might provide to this story. That’s a pity. I have read Soseki Natsume’s Kokoro, but nothing else by him.

— Akira has a library card and Kondo doesn’t, so she offers to borrow a book for him. He then fortuitously spots this book and it calls out to him. For some reason, his mood has shifted considerably. Afterwards, he departs from Akira without having much to say other than expressing his gratitude for the book. Chihiro… I wonder if that’s also the name of his ex-wife. Or maybe a previous lover that continues to stir up regrets even to this day.

— Meanwhile, we take a peek in Akira’s bag and see that she has checked out a photo book on running. Even if track and field is painful to her, it’s still a dream she can’t let go of.

— The rain has finally stopped and the (full) moon peeks out from under the clouds. This is a gorgeous anime. Akira suddenly hears nothing but the wind, and she begins to fade into the sky before us:

In Haruka’s flashback, a younger Akira tells us that she experiences this same feeling whenever she is running. Where is she running to now? What change did Haruka’s note effect in her? Is it the reason why she checked out that photo book on running? Something to think about before the story continues in next week’s episode.

— Bonus: came across this performance and thought it was cool.

…and clickbate opening image. Done and done. Hey, look, I’m the one who has to watch Killing Bites and Beatless back to back. Will this terrible week never end? Say, what’s even the title of this week’s episode anyway?

Who cares? I agree, who cares? But the blog needs content, so here we are. Anyways, I recently said to one of my readers that at least Killing Bites doesn’t bog itself down with backstories. Boy, was I wrong!

‘Cause here we are… with backstories! Does it matter why Solid Snake and Geico Insurance are in this Destroyal? Like the episode’s title says, who cares? Thankfully, they’re a billion times shorter than the ones we got in Juuni Taisen.

By the way, Solid Snake has decided to go full snake. And for some odd reason, Yuya goes, “He hardly looks human anymore!” Bruh… did Yogi Bear look human when he fully transformed? Does Hungry Hungry Hippo currently look human to you? On the other hand, I don’t think cobras are supposed to have arms. Just a thought… We then get some boring exposition about how Brutes used to be good, upstanding citizens, but Shidoh went and abolished the ol’ traditions. As a result, Destroyals are now full of criminals and rapists. Yeah, yeah, don’t care. Get back to the fighting.

Which isn’t all that great…

…but it’s a hell of a lot better than the boring ass chatter…

…back on the cruise ship.

Eventually, Hungry Hungry Hippo breaks up the steamy cuddle session between Taiga Aisaka and Renekton.

Again, we get boring ass backstories that I don’t care about. So in my headcannon, he interfered because he was jealous of how close those two were getting. Fat man just wants some love.

Fat man is built Jeep tough!

We jump back to see Honey Badger caught up in Solid Snake’s solid grasp. But then she somehow breaks free, because… uh… because… the only thing that matters is sharper fangs?

Awwwww, she said it! We missed her catchphrase dearly last week! Tell us more about what Killing Bites is, dear Honey Badger! Also, did you know that Arizona Cardinals free safety Tyrann Mathieu was nicknamed the Honey Badger when he played in college for LSU?

Well, the more you know…

Find someone who will love you as much as this woman loves Destroyals… and probably cocaine. She probably did cocaine before going up on stage.

And now we’re back to Renekton and Hungry Hungry Hippo. The latter is shocked — just shocked! — that Renekton is still standing. Yeah, why is that? Why is Renekton all okay?

wot

The show knows our attention span is short, so it keeps jumping around like… a bunny, you might say. Except this bunny isn’t jumping. her hairy ass is just digging tunnels because she finds it fun.

Yep, just because it’s fun.

Meanwhile, Honey Badger tries to launch her counterattack, but she then gets counter-counterattacked.

This is getting out of control!

According to Solid Snake, he can smell her from anywhere…

…because she’s so lewd. God, what a lewd Tyrann Mathieu.

Again, Honey Badger tries to counterattack, but then she finds herself unable to move. Well, y’see…

Oh no, this scene is getting too long. Quick! Jump to another pair of combatants! Do it now before I get too bored and change the channel!

Phew–… wait, what the fuck? Apparently, Geico Insurance is the first female character on this show to lose her human face when she goes whole-gecko.

And so she proceeds to swing Chesty Cheetah around like a toy.

Y’know, maybe I should rethink the Chesty Cheetah nickname for the girl. Anyways, enough about these two. Now that Honey Badger is paralyzed, is she going to… is going to get it from Solid Snake?

Okay, c’mon! You can’t do that!

But just as Solid Snake was about to strike, Honey Badger suddenly wakes up and slices him in half, swaying breasts and all! Was she just faking it? Was she just pretending to be knocked out? Nooooope. According to Shidoh, ratels are resistant to cobra venom. But more importantly, Honey Badger reveals that she was just actually napping. She actually pauses for a second to remember where she is.

Twice! In one episode! This is better than sex! Get her giant tits out of my face! I just want to hear Honey Badger say her catchphrase over and over! Anyways, with Solid Snake now just a Chub, we can now return to Geico Insurance and Not-So-Chesty Cheetah.

I gotta give credit where credit’s due. I honestly thought Taiga Aisaka would save his sister at the last second since Hungry Hungry Hippo saved him from Renekton’s grasp. I mean, it can still happen. Her fight with Geico Insurance isn’t over yet, but I really thought he would show up in the final minutes of this episode and kill the ugly gecko lady.

Instead, it turns out Not-So-Chesty Cheetah was also taking a breather on the ground. Really? The same gimmick twice in one episode? I mean, catchphrases are cool and all, but this is just lame, guys! Plus, the narrator tries to convince us that since cheetahs live life on the fast lane all the time, being smacked around at super high speeds didn’t affect Not-So-Chesty Cheetah at all. Uh-huh.

In any case, Honey Badger can now lend Not-So-Chesty Cheetah a hand. But the episode is almost over, so let’s wrap this up with a cliffhanger.

We see Renekton standing triumphantly over Hungry Hungry Hippo, but what’s this…?

…a new challenger?! Tune in next week for more…

…Killing Bites?

I have no idea why Amazon titled this episode “6. Intermission 001.” I mean, I guess I should’ve known better; it does say “Intermission 001.” But I thought that just meant maybe we’d get a side story or something and that this was still the actual sixth episode of the series. Nope, it’s just a recap episode. And really? Recapping the story after just five weeks? When Just Because! had to go on a one-week hiatus, it at least gave us a behind-the-scenes look. There is almost nothing new here except for a few cards containing Arato’s thoughts on recent events. This is nuts.

Anyways, I considered just putting the Record of Grancrest War Ep. 7 post up early, but nah. I’m just going to take a nap instead. What a way to end a Friday night. I knew I should’ve gotten tickets to Black Panther instead.

In the meantime, what have you guys been up to? What has been the surprise hit for you guys this season? Big disappointment? Playing any games besides Monster Hunter World? Looking forward to anything in the spring? I should probably get caught up on Attack on Titan before summer rolls around…

I actually like two things about this episode. Crazy, I know. First off, tales of Theo’s sacrifice has spread far and wide. He’s well known for rising quickly up the ranks to viscount — again, whatever that means — but more importantly, he’s especially notorious for giving it all up for Siluca. This catches Alexis’s attention, and if you don’t remember, this guy almost married Marrine at the start of the series. But y’know, demons crashed the wedding, killed some people, and the marriage was officially called off. Why, though? Like… if this union will unite the continent and bring peace to both Union and Alliance, why would Marrine cancel the wedding? I guess that part has never been clear to me. Nevertheless, Alexis still pines for her, and hearing all about Theo’s sacrifice has embolden him. He also wishes he could give everything up for the most important person in his life. Yes, this implies that Siluca is the most important person to Theo, but that’s not why I like this scene. Rather, it’s how the conversation played out without all the bog standard anime tropes.

Alexis: “When I heard [your] story, I was deeply moved. To choose love over one’s court rank and land… If only I had the courage to do so.”

Theo: “All I did was choose what was most important to me.”

Yep, there’s no silly stammering. There aren’t any awkward denials like “Sir, you’ve got the wrong idea! She’s just my mage!” Theo just comes out and admits that Siluca is important to him. Likewise, she blushes at first, but she doesn’t interrupt the conversation. Maybe she knows it would be improper to do so. Look at her ambiguous expression here, though. What is she feeling? Is she happy? Is she sad because she doesn’t really believe that she’s that important to Theo? Maybe she does believe she’s important to him, but important in a platonic way. He loves her, but he loves her like a friend whereas her feelings are deeper. Who knows? It’s hard to say. It’s also hard to buy into the idea of Theo and Siluca as a couple, because although they’ve spent a lot of time together onscreen, they feel like just platonic friends. So is there really love here? Anime convention dictates that it’s too early for the canon couple to fall in love (assuming they ever do); it’s only the seventh episode, after all. Nevertheless, I appreciate the fact that these two didn’t act like a bunch of embarrassed children, i.e. turning beet red and sputtering over the idea that Alexis thinks they’re in love (whether it’s true or not).

What else did I like? Eh, just the assassination attempt at the end of the episode. Shortly after Theo’s conversation with Alexis, the Marquis of Jalucia tries to leave when they fall under attack. After a near brush with death, our heroes discover that the assassins are men who have been mind-controlled by Rossini. Yes, that Rossini; he even has to look obviously evil. At yet another banquet full of uptight lords and dancing maidens, Theo had bumped into his arch-nemesis, and they proceeded to exchange tense words. Clearly, Rossini was annoyed by that encounter, so he sent people to take out Theo. Unfortunately for him, Alexis got caught in the middle, so Siluca speculates that the asshole will be kicked out of Union. And if that happens, it means Theo can go after him. Sure. Bring it on. Anything to take me away from the mundane examples of diplomacy and contentious meet-and-greets. That’s the only reason I sorta like the assassination attempt. First, it’s some much needed action after like 20 minutes of non-stop conversations. Plus, it also pushes the plot in motion. It’s not that the action was great or anything, but we get to meet an old face we haven’t seen in a while. I’ll always take a cat over a pair of ugly wolves.

Anyways, the rest of the episode is a bore. Like I said, lots of talking, lots of introducing new faces that I have no reason to care for. Plus, I wasn’t all that impressed by Theo’s ability to get Ladvan to surrender. But I’ve bagged on Record of Grancrest War week in and week out. Since this episode manages to give me a couple things to appreciate, I’ll just stop here. As a bonus, that jerk Milza is also nowhere to be found. Anyways, we can get back to poking at the anime’s half-assed execution in next week’s episode.

The difference between Zero-Two and Ichigo is more than just skin-deep. Hell, the childhood friend can show all the skin she wants, but she still isn’t going to get her man. Everyone acts like this is a bad thing, but you’re not entitled to someone’s affections just because you’ve been in their life longer than anyone else. It simply doesn’t work that way. All the “nice guys” in the world would be leaping for joy if love simply came down to caring about someone a lot and knowing them for years and years. Goro pushes Ichigo to talk to Hiro, but enough with that. She doesn’t really understand him, which is what I’ve been saying for weeks and weeks. There’s no point in her confessing her feelings. Until she gets out of the mindset that she needs to protect him at all costs, she won’t ever see be able to grasp what he’s going through. This is why simply being a childhood friend isn’t enough. Hell, the most damning part is that she can’t even confess her feelings and becomes a sourpuss when Hiro simply responds in kind. Ichigo tells him that she’s always thought of him as a sibling, so he tells her the same thing. She’s clearly not happy to hear that, though. The girl’s being ridiculous. If you don’t even have the balls to confess your true feelings, then you have no right to be bummed out.

On the other hand, Zero-Two is better for Hiro not just because she is upfront about what she wants from him, but also because they both push each other to be better than their current selves. This is what true partnership entails. The battle against the swarm of klaxosaur is underway, and a behemoth one — a Gutenberg-class — accompanies the stampeding horde of regular-sized beasts. The plan is to hold Strelizia out of the battle; they want to conserve the prized FranXX for when they really need it. So during a lull in the action, Hiro asks Zero-Two why she chooses to fight the klaxosaurs. Obviously, she’s not doing it for the adults since she seems so disdainful of everyone but Hiro. She replies that she fights because she’s a monster. That sounds odd, but she’s telling us the truth even if it’s a roundabout manner. On the other hand, the Parasites — including Hiro — only fight for Papa. It’s their entire purpose in life, which sounds pretty pathetic. Even Zero-Two thinks the same and calls it lame. The timing of this conversation, however, means that Hiro will soon find a new reason to fight. And since she’s calling herself a monster, his new reason to fight will probably be for Zero-Two’s sake.

Mid-battle, Hiro starts to struggle, so Zero-Two asks him if he’s really that weak. This might seem cold on her part, but if you really think about it, our ideal partner should push us to be better than who we are. Our ideal partner should inspire us and not let us settle. Our ideal partner shouldn’t just love us for who we are, but also what we can become. In our day and age, however, we’ve become too sensitive about these matters. We think that if someone tells us we can afford to lose 10 lbs or shoot for a better raise, all of a sudden, they’re being abusive. Goddamn, you’re not being abused just because your feelings are hurt. So maybe Zero-Two’s tone is a little too harsh, but she’s new at this. What matters is that she learns to be a better, more supportive partner as the series progresses while never allowing Hiro to settle. She can bring out the best in him without also coddling him. The kid was seen as a savant among his peers, wasn’t he? And I wonder if he simply stagnated because he never had anyone to push him out of his comfort zone until Zero-Two came along. When gifted children don’t learn how to fail gracefully early on in their lives, they tend to give up at the first signs of difficulty. Hiro was the same way in the first episode, and he almost gave up in this week’s episode.

First, he assumes that he and Zero-Two did manage to take down the behemoth klaxosaur. Second, due to his affliction, he also thinks he’s dead. He thinks he’s dead because he’s already willing to give up. And in his fevered mind, we see Hiro pitying himself. We see him telling Naomi, his previous partner, that he’s given it his all and thus he has no regrets. But even dream Naomi is right: Hiro’s not listening to what Zero-Two has to say because he’s too busy thinking about himself. Even if he has more compatibility with her than any other stamen, he also has to learn what it takes to be a proper supportive partner. Relationships take work, after all, and even true love will come with obstacles. This whole time, it’s been all about Hiro and how Zero-Two can help him realize his dreams of flying. But what does she want? What can he do for her after what she’s given him? He tried to get at this when he asked her why she fights, but he didn’t push the issue enough at the time. In the end, he sees Zero-Two in his visions, but she turns away from him. He even wonders why she looks so sad.

Hiro finally snaps back to reality and sees Zero-Two desperately clinging to her humanity, but her grip is tenuous at best. The link between them had been severed, so it’s unlikely that Zero-Two played any active role in his visions at all. What he saw just now was born from his mind and his mind alone. This means that he’s always had an inkling of the struggles that Zero-Two is going through, but he’s been so busy pitying himself that until now he didn’t bother to put her feelings first and foremost. In her frustration, Zero-Two cries, “Why, you… You’re nothing but a monster!” But again, she thinks of herself as a monster. This is the duality of the conflict within her. She acknowledges that she shares klaxosaur blood, but at the same time, she fights to assert her humanity. In a twisted way, she hunts klaxosaur to prove that she’s not like them. It’s a bit dark; how many people go after their own kind because they are in denial about themselves? Self-hating bigots do this all the time. I’m not calling Zero-Two a bigot, because the jury’s still out on the klaxosaurs and whether or not they deserved to be hated by humanity. Nevertheless, Zero-Two’s logic is familiar, and up until now, Hiro hasn’t really grasp the totality of anguish that afflicts our heroine’s psyche.

If Zero-Two’s partner goes down, she will continue fighting. But as we can see from Strelizia losing its humanoid form, our heroine also loses her humanity if she has to go about it alone. That just makes sense. Humans are inherently social creatures. Without society, we’d fall easily to our base desires. Zero-Two won’t necessarily die right away if she’s by herself, but it’s unlikely she can survive for long. But more importantly, she’ll lose her sense of self as well. As she continues to struggle without Hiro, she’s becoming more animal-like and feral. Again, cynics will read this as if the girl needs a man to be whole, but as I’ve argued before, this is a horribly reductionist read of the story. In any case, Hiro finally opens his eyes and sees that he is not the only incomplete person in this FranXX. Zero-Two needs him as much as he needs her, so he gains a new resolve: he’ll fight for Zero-Two’s sake. All of a sudden, his affliction goes away. It’s as if his mind finally embraces his partner completely, so his body also stops trying to reject her. What Zero-Two needs isn’t just a partner that is physically strong enough to withstand riding with her. She needs a partner that isn’t afraid of her — a partner that doesn’t simply treat her as a means to an end but as an end in herself. She’s not a dangerous animal nor is she just a tool to be used by Papa and his cronies.

And with Hiro now supporting her, Strelizia literally gains its wings. It’s also nice to see him holding her up this time as they exit Strelizia. Unfortunately, the rest of the gang continues to swarm to Hiro while Zero-Two remains by herself to the side. For now, she only has her darling and little more.

Misc. notes & observations:

— For real? That thing is really a klaxosaur? Dude, it’s a cube with horns.

— Hm, this episode doesn’t have an OP. I guess it’s that important. Get ready to see a pivotal moment in the story.

— Also, I just realized that Kokoro shares the same VA as Yuzuki from A Place Further Than The Universe. I can definitely hear it every time she speaks now. Meanwhile, Zero-Two is also Asuna from Sword Art Online. Well, everyone has skeletons in their closets. Let’s hope Zero-Two doesn’t also go from perfectly capable heroine to a gilded bird in a cage.

— Ichigo later tells Goro that she plans to save Strelizia for as late as possible. Is this tactical planning because Hiro gave her leadership his vote of confidence? Is this to prevent wear-and-tear on Hiro because she knows this will be his third time riding with Zero-Two, the partner killer? Maybe a little bit of both.

— This episode is all about taking down that huge pack of klaxosaurs after all the setup from last week. I get that. But I sincerely hope the story starts explaining to us what the hell these klaxosaurs are supposed to be after the dust settles, because after six weeks, I need a little more information (for once).

— The other squad’s FranXXs look so dull by comparison…

— The animation is pretty derpy during the hectic battle scenes. I don’t care if it’s a Trigger trademark; I think they can do better. The action itself is pretty fun, and I still very much enjoy this episode (hint: I like this show).

— We saw a swarm of enemies, so how come we now see Squad 26 take the klaxosaurs down one-by-one?

— Zorome and Goro are annoyed that Squad 26 sees them as a potential hindrance, but I actually agree with Mitsuru. It’s not just about how green they are. They have yet to carry out a successful mission without Strelizia’s help. Strelizia is not supposed to be a permanent fixture on their team.

— Futoshi goes, “Keep your paws off Kokoro!” This just confirms what we already know, which is that the girl is identified with the FranXX. After all, when she speaks, the FranXX also appears to speak. The guy is the pilot, but he also doesn’t really control her actions 100%. They seem to enter a shared mind space in which both members have to agree on what they choose to do next even though the division of labor is not always 50-50. I guess if you want to see it as the girls giving up their agency to their male partners, you can interpret that way. I think this would be horribly reductionist, but I’ve already argued that in my second post on the series, so I’m not gonna rehash my points again.

— Squad 26’s leader: “What’s such a skilled teen code doing in a makeshift test team? They even have 016.” Huh. More stuff that requires an explanation, but we probably won’t get one till much later.

— Why is Strelizia so much stronger than the other FranXX? I know it has to do with Zero-Two, but still… also, will we ever see its bestial form again?

— Squad 26 is annoyed that Strelizia decided to join the action early, but Hiro argues that he needs to help his friend. Again, the adults don’t give a shit about Squad 13. They’re perfectly okay with losing those kids if need be, and this has always been the case since episode two.

— Look at that “vaunted” teamwork. I dunno, it just looks silly to me.

— It’s time for the horned cube to step into the ring. I’m curious to see what this thing can do.

— And of course, it simply proceeds to transform into something vaguely humanoid. Also, it’s a Gutenberg-class, whatever that means.

— This mission takes place at night, so the colors are naturally muted a bit. That’s a shame. I rather like the show’s normally bright color palette. Somehow, the action feels a little less exciting because of the night effect.

— It’s a bit strange for Squad 26’s leader to suddenly run out fuel… why isn’t that something he’s keeping track of in the middle of battle? For such a coordinated team, you’d think they’d also be mindful of their goddamn fuel levels. Argentea ends up having to pull his ass out of the fire. Also, how come we don’t get to hear what his partner is thinking or saying? I guess they just didn’t want to bother writing her lines.

— Hiro’s affliction is now spreading to his head.

— Ichigo still wants to hold Strelizia back. Goro reasons that only the gifted FranXX can reach the behemoth klaxosaur’s core, and his partner replies with, “Oh, y-yeah.” Hm. I wonder if her leadership is wavering, or if she has slightly different intentions. I don’t think Goro has told her about Hiro’s problem… In any case, he wants her to stay focused. She had her chance to talk to Hiro, but now she needs to move on. She needs to set her feelings aside and carry out the mission as a leader. I don’t think she’s capable of that yet, so even though she makes the right call to keep Strelizia out of the battle, it’s not exactly for the right reasons.

— Damn, this Shadow of the Colossus remake comes with co-op and everything. Squad 13 even take out its knees to get the giant klaxosaur to fall to the ground for Strelizia’s killing blow.

— Hm, I don’t remember any of the colossi taking on this form, though.

— Well shit… speak of the devil, the bestial form is back.

— Man, those two are really taking a pounding from the klaxosaur.

— All of a sudden, Delphinium also goes out of commission because Ichigo assumes that Hiro’s dead. She doesn’t know that yet. She just jumps to conclusions, and that’s the problem. She only wants to protect him; she doesn’t believe in him. Simply loving someone and being devastated by their death is not enough to be their ideal partner.

—  This guy finally rears his ugly mug again. What the hell has he been up to for the past few weeks?

— Is this the first time Ichigo is calling out Zero-Two’s name in battle? Is she finally acknowledging the girl as an individual on these missions?

— Dr. Franxx: “That boy might just make Zero Two’s wish come true.” I guess we won’t know what that is till much later.

— Even Mitsuru looks happy.

— And now, more new faces and more code names. I wonder if they also have klaxosaur blood unless Nine Iota is referring to someone besides Zero-Two. I kinda just assumed…

— Also hey, no ED. Anyways, I’m still enjoying this. With Violet Evergarden plateauing as of late, this is now my second favorite show of the season (A Place Further Than The Universe is at the top).

Our party finally reaches El Dorado, but unfortunately, Gina has to take a temporarily leave of absence. Apparently, she’s run out of weapons, so back to the Land of Guidance she goes. Everyone else continues on. I should be happy that we’ve finally made it after all this time, but… I dunno, it kinda feels like we still aren’t quite there yet. I know that sounds odd, but I’ll try to explain what I mean. Thanks to Luke’s magical rain powers, our heroes can calmly walk into the city without issues. They then proceed to establish a base of operations somehow. The episode is unfortunately low on details. This is both Sword and Luke’s first time in the city, so it’s not like they know the ins and outs of the place. Also, they don’t exactly have connections here. How did they just stumble upon such a convenient safe house? How are they even sure it’s safe? It’s even kinda furnished and everything!

Afterwards, there’s a tiny bit of sightseeing going on as the group wanders around the city and marvels over its technological superiority. Of course, it’s all about big boobs with Sword. Wait, check that; it’s 50% big boobs for Sword. The other 50% is reserved for food, and as such, we see our heroes drop by a chicken shack for some grub. As they sit at the counter, one of them casually muses, “It’s weird that Bishop and the others haven’t made a move yet.” And that’s precisely the problem. The episode lacks any sort of tension or excitement; there’s no sense of urgency. We’ve finally made it to the fabled city, and yet I feel disengaged and bored by everything that’s happening on screen. If we hadn’t already seen El Dorado like three weeks ago, then maybe I’d be a little more interested in seeing the city along with our heroes. But I already have, so this just feels like a bit like a retread.

Anyways, Sophie tries to gather information by connecting her phone to El Dorado’s own network, which is aptly named ELDO NET. Somehow, the system can jack into your brain and feed you sensory information. As a result, Sophie can not only feel the cold of the internet water, but she can even feel pain when she bumps into an internet planet. Of course, everything’s rendered in an oddly cutesy cartoonish fashion, so ELDO NET is not exactly a great simulacrum of reality. What’s the point of all of this? Who knows? Maybe this advanced version of the internet will play a bigger role as we inch our way towards King’s true goals. We learn that although the city around them is referred to as El Dorado, King is still pursuing a true El Dorado. Maybe the true one exists online and King wants to rule people via the internet. After all, he did gather a bunch of talented programmers here for a reason, and that apparently includes Sophie’s brother Martin. And being able to live entirely on the internet would make certain people really happy.

Sophie eventually catches the attention of some mysterious guy on ELDO NET, and he tells her to come to a secret location. There, they find a former employee of GarEden. He stumbled upon a great big secret about the company and the city around it, so he’s been hiding out ever since. How long has he been here, though? How does he eat? How does he shower? How come this empty building has all the power he needs and requires? Again, I just feel disengaged from the episode because the world-building feels lacking. Even the revelation that a mysterious individual not only helped him, but knows about Sword isn’t really doing much to draw me in. Then magically, he’s been found out, so a bunch of Horrors dressed in riot gear shows up to crash the party. At first, it seems like our heroes are outnumbered, but then Sophie suddenly gets a vision of a girl with Horror-like eyes… and she now has the ability to control the cameras and lights of the building on her phone? Eh…

I dunno… maybe this episode is low energy, because it seems like everything is going to go down next week instead. Maybe. It’s titled “Farewell,” so maybe someone important will die.

Is it time for us to finally get to know Yuki a little better? Looks like it. Though to be fair, Ryuichi does seem like an amazing guy on paper. In real life, I’d find him too unrealistic. But in anime fantasy land, he’s perfection. He doesn’t get the best grades, but eh…

Whoa, whoa, whoa… best looks? I was just talking about his personality. The girls then go on to list his positive qualities… like how he picked up one of their erasers when they dropped it. You might scoff, but didn’t Mio fall in love with Haruto in Just Because! for exactly that dumb reason? So there you go. Just hover around the girl of your dreams and hope that she drops her eraser.

Sadly, the other “hot” guy in their class is apparently the violent Hayato. C’mon, he beats little kids!

Y’all need Jesus.

The girls tell Yuki that they won’t really be her rivals… it’s not because they won’t go after him themselves. It’s only because they all acknowledge that they can’t compete against a baby. That’s… that’s true. That’s why it’s tough to date single parents. No matter what, their kid will and should always be number one in their lives. I personally prefer to avoid that whole situation altogether.

They then start talking about Maria, and you get the same usual reaction from the girl. Yawn. We see her later turning bright red when she just can’t help thinking about Ryuichi. Again, yawn. Nothing new here. Nothing new about to happen here either. Wake me up when any of these kids actually start dating (which is never). Otherwise, it’s the same, ol’ coy nonsense that we see in every anime series.

Eh, you’d be naive to think looks don’t matter. I’m not saying it’s the only thing that matters, but it matters a great ton and people should stop deluding themselves into thinking otherwise. We have industries worth billions of dollars that are solely focused on our looks. It’s just a fact of life.

Anyways, Yoshihito once again allows kids to leave the daycare room, and the worse part is that he didn’t even notice it this time. Not like he’ll ever get fired, though. It would cost more money to hire someone competent. And surprisingly, these two kids went looking for Maria specifically. In fact, they ask her why she never comes around. She tries to say that it’s because of Ryuichi, but the kids don’t really understand that, so…

But these kids are too smart for their own good, so they’re going to try and show Maria all of Ryuichi’s good points… as if she doesn’t already know them.

I guess this is good quality number one. But Maria counters that he can be a bit over-indulgent. Oh, we’re doing pros and cons? I might not find this so boring, after all.

Wat.

Naturally, our hero can’t be seen hitting children, so Hayato steps up to the plate.

I notice, however, that we’re almost halfway through the episode, so it’s about time to wrap up this short story. As a result, Maria tells the little girl to stop the charade. After all, she doesn’t actually dislike Ryuichi. If she doesn’t dislike him, then the only other option is that she does like him. And so we get that romantic trope where the girl runs away, tells the guy to leave her alone, but he’ll go after her anyway. Buuuuuuuuuut… and this is a big but(t) — this is anime, so he simply points out that Maria has a sticker on her butt.

Yep. And this is because Gakuen Babysitters doesn’t have an actual story where there are character arcs. The characters will make small changes, sure. Like Hayato joining the club, or Maria being able to talk to the kids. But real, actual character development? Go watch Aishiteruze Baby instead. God forbid Ryuichi acts like an actual teenager and actually develop feelings for anyone. Onto the second story!

One half of the twins is sick.

So the healthy one tries to cope, which only ends up making Taka jealous? Eh… if this story doesn’t quickly become interesting, I’m going to bail and start writing up Kokkoku instead.

When Taka learns that the other twin is sick, he decides to go beat up the cold. Okay, this is boring. Short story even shorter: the happy-go-lucky twin ends up missing his brother after all. Since this short story was so twins-centric, there’s not much to say. I avoid talking too much about the little kids, because they’re just there to be cute. They don’t actually have interesting personalities or motives. And even if they make a mistake, it’s not like they know better. So yep, time to move onto the next anime of the day.

Well, I’ll be damned. The kid is still alive somehow. Welcome back to Kokkoku, you guys. Maybe now the anime will finally get interesting.

— Luckily for the kid and Majima, his jellyfish immediately leave his body, so he gets to be in stasis like most people. This also means he’s protected… I think. I’m assuming there are still other Heralds out there to protect people. I could be wrong. It’s going to be awkward to explain everything to him back in the real world, though.

— Grandpa tells Juri not to feel guilty about Majima’s family, but it’s never that simple. You can never tell people not to feel bad and they simply won’t. Plus, Juri is right: just by being in this family, she bears responsibility. We just don’t like to think that our ancestors’ sins and obligations are passed down to us. She may have never wanted to have anything to do with this world, but it’s too late to just do nothing now.

— Somehow, I feel like this guy will die anyway. In any case, Sako wants to join the Yukawa family, and to do so, he’s going to have to give them information. Sadly, he still can’t tell us what Sagawa is up to: “He’s really interested in Stasis. I don’t know what he’s up to…” C’mon, man.

— Is… is this it? Is this all that Sagawa wants?

Sagawa: “I want to observe the world for a long time. Ideally, I want to observe a span of time thousands of time longer than normal humans do.”

That can’t be it, right? Do you really need to create a religious cult, kidnap people, and hire goons to murder others just for this? Unfortunately for him, his adherents manage to overhear his true intentions, so they now feel as though they’ve been betrayed. Yeesh, for a cult leader, Sagawa sure is careless.

— Juri gets a garish new outfit. I preferred the old one. Her plan is to kick the bad guys out of this world, then when she returns to her world, she’ll smash the Master Stone to bits. I guess nobody will disagree with her, and it’d be hard to. What exactly is the Stasis World good for anyway?

— Meanwhile, Takafumi continues being a complete idiot. If I were Juri, I’d just dispel his jellyfish right here and now so he doesn’t get in the way. But knowing anime, he’ll probably stick around for some redemption moment near the end of the series.

— More exposition… sigh… Majima tells us that the cult has been around for centuries. Then we are told that there might not be another Herald to protect the Stalled. Whoops. We can’t be sure, though. We can’t be sure until someone tries to summon one.

— Juri can’t help but wonder if there’s a connection between her family and Sagawa in the past. I think this story isn’t quite sure what it wants to be. I think it could’ve been a whole lot darker, because there are a lot of twisted things you can do in Stasis. Nevertheless, the story pulled its punches, so all we got were a bunch of tasteless rape jokes. And now, the drama is all about some rather mundane family affair. When I first read the show’s premise, I thought that the Heralds would serve as some sort of enigmatic, out-of-this-world threat. Unfortunately, they were quickly figured out, and they might not even show up again for the rest of the series. There’s really nothing threatening left in this story, so the drama is equally nonexistent.

— They’re gonna get screwed by Grandpa’s inaccuracy at some point. For now, Juri’s only punishment is a kick to the face. Still, one down, six more to go.

— Well, well, well… look who wants to fuck things up. Again, my issue with the story is that our antagonists are personality-less cult leaders and bumbling, annoying fuck-ups like Takafumi. If you like that, hey, that’s your prerogative. I just don’t find any of this all that compelling.

— So why are you jobless, my dude? Anyways, this is the Dunning-Kruger effect in action.

— Jesus Christ, some guy just manages to find the Master Stone just like that.

— So more exposition… the guy who found the cult lived for 500 years. He might have stumbled upon something big, and Sagawa wants to find out what that is.

— The problem with being a cult leader is that your followers will actually believe your nonsense. So even though Sagawa has other designs in mind, he has to get past this stupid his followers. Luckily for him, he apparently has a secret power he’s been keeping under wraps until now. But do we get to see it this week? Nope!

— Why, though?

Ha, if only.

Dagashi Kashi S2 Ep. 6

Still no Hotaru. Boo. Boo this anime. So Coconuts visits the recently-opened conbini next to his dagashi shop, and he ends up running into the owner Yutaka Beni. This guy apparently loves convenience stores as much as Hotaru likes dagashi. Unfortunately, he also lacks common sense since he’s trying to sell 3500-yen cakes in the boonies. As a result of Coconuts pointing this out to him, he would like to recruit his competition to work for him instead; this would kill two birds with one stone. At first, Beni tries to lure the kid with an 850-yen salary, but when that doesn’t work, he also offers Coconuts the privilege to buy dirty magazines discreetly. But who still needs to buy dirty magazines in this day and age? Can’t you find all the smut you need online? I mean, I’d understand it if Coconuts was an old man who didn’t know his way around a computer, but surely, a resourceful kid like him can look up porn online. He could even find Dagashi Kashi smut if he really wanted. Still, our virtuous hero manages to resist the temptation thanks to Hotaru’s image suddenly flashing through his mind. Well, her bust size is certainly drawn like she’s straight out of a dirty magazine…

…and just like that, the episode is over. God, I hate this half-episode format so much. When we do get plot progression, it’s at a snail’s pace. Anyways, it looks like we’ll finally be properly introduced to the new girl in next week’s episode. Took them long enough. Any time a young woman shows up in a show full of kids, however, they always portray her as a drunk adult dissatisfied with her current life. No wonder no one ever wants to grow up in anime.

Dragon Ball Super Ep. 128

Yeah, I’ve seen what Goku looks like in his Perfected Ultra Instinct form. I think it looks terrible. It feels like we’re going to have a form for each color in the visible light spectrum. Anyways, there’s not much to say about this episode. Vegeta essentially stalled for half of it, and yet, I still feel bad for the guy. He actually has strong, compelling reasons to fight — like his family, the other Saiyan race, his pride — but he never gets to be the last man standing. I know it’s the last arc so it’s all about Goku saving the day, but the redeemed Saiyan Prince should’ve gotten the chance to be triumphant in at least one of the previous ones (I vote for the Frieza arc). But I guess this is supposed to show his “remarkable” character development or something, since all that matters to him now is Universe 7 winning. As for Jiren, he continues to be a boring, flat villain, but the silver lining is that it’ll be fun to watch Goku kick his ass… eventually. Also, there are just “two minutes” left in the tournament. Sure.

Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens Ep. 6

Huh, I guess this story is already over after just two episodes. Shunsuke, aka the Submarine Ninja, tries to lure the Niwaka Samurai out with the prospect of a job, but Banba is too busy napping to accept it. So instead, Lin tries to take the job by impersonating his buddy, but he gets his ass handed to him when Shunsuke starts attacking him. He’s not exactly a swordsman, and really, who is in this day and age? Thanks to Jose, however, Lin still manages to escape his captors’ clutches, but not before Banba goes looking for him out of worry. This anime loves its twists and turns, however, so before he and Submarine Ninja can actually throw down, the Kakyu Association drops in and kidnaps the Niwaka Samurai to enact their vengeance. Not happy that his target got stolen, Shunsuke goes and saves Banba… just so these two can finally have their duel. They supposedly fight to a draw, but it’s pretty obvious to me that Banba won. Meanwhile, the chairman of the Kakyu Association is assassinated by a hitwoman who might just be Banba’s ex-lover. See? Nothing but twists and turns. Also, even the girl you date is an assassin. Unlike the previous arc, however, this two-episode short story is short on any strong emotions or character development. If anything, it feels like an all-too-busy introduction for a pair of characters. Meh.

Ito Junji Collection Ep. 7

The first adaptation sucks. In the manga, the record actually contains a jazz song, but this change doesn’t actually bother me all that much. Rather, it’s all the other weird stuff that got cut out. Like how after the girl kills her friend, her friend starts singing under the tarp:

Then when the girl dies later, she also starts singing from the grave:

You can actually hear her singing in the anime, but because we don’t get to hear her friend singing earlier, it doesn’t have the same chilling effect.

The next adaptation feels like four different stories mashed into one. First, you have the “Aristotle effect,” which a kid apparent uses to get the heroine to fall in love with him. Odd, I don’t remember studying that when I took a class on Ancient Greek philosophy in college. But before you can say “Aristotle effect,” the kid is quickly murdered by Jack the Ripper. Yep. Next, you have the girl’s creepy family peeping in on her for no apparent reason. It literally just starts happening one day. Her family was completely normal, then all of a sudden, a flip is switched and they start drilling holes into her walls and ceiling. And for what? For sexual reasons? It doesn’t seem like it. Even the mother is doing it! Finally, our heroine tries to escape the situation by deciding to live with her aunt, but she comes upon a town with no roads. There are literally just buildings everywhere, and in order to get from point A to point B, you have to walk through people’s homes. If you try to block people from entering your home, they’ll break in with a mob and beat you senseless. Yep again. Since nobody has any sort of privacy anymore, people in this town have started wearing masks just to retain a tiny shred of anonymity.

When the girl finally manages to find her aunt in this labyrinthian mess of a town, she finds a woman who has given up on the idea of privacy altogether. Instead, she prances around in her underwear. I think she’s supposed to be naked, but this got (understandably) censored. Hey, it’s cool if she wants to be naked; it’s her life, after all. But the lady starts trying to force her niece to go nude as well. Like I said, it feels like “Town with No Roads” should’ve been four different stories. As it is, it’s kind of all over the place. For instance, why on earth did her family start peeping on her? I guess they are also from this town, so they’ve inherited that perverted trait, but then why move away at all? Why do they peep on her and her only? Why did they only start peeping as of recently? Ah well…

This part looked creepily cool, though.

Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san Ep. 6

Is it really that hard to ride a bike with two people? I think Nishikata just needs to get into better shape.

Ramen Daisuki Koizumi-san Ep. 7

The girls are on summer vacation, but I literally don’t care. The other characters are alright, but Yuu and Yuu alone pretty much ruins the entire story for me. I hate characters like her. I know it’s exaggerated for the sake of the anime, but it’s not even done in a funny way. The girl’s just pathetic. As a result, I’m just here for the ramen. Unfortunately, I can’t tell if the bowl pictured above has any gimmick to it. Maybe it doesn’t; I think it’s just plain ol’ shoyu ramen. Also, I don’t like eating ramen in the summer. Or any steaming hot food, really. Contrary to popular belief, I do not feel cooler afterwards unless it’s really spicy. A bowl of hearty ramen wold probably make my body overheat in hot weather.

And according to a Quora post, chuuka soba is just China’s take on Japanese noodles. Well then.

We get another bowl with more dried sardines. I thought we got that last week. Plus, you can’t talk about Japanese food without hearing the word “umami” at least once. It’s unavoidable. Hell, it’s overdone at this point.

Here’s a bowl of ramen that apparently specializes in having almost no fat at all in the broth. I think one of my readers would like it. Something about having good skin. Anyways, I find that these broths tend to lack body, so they’re just not as satisfying to gulp down. Then again, I used to be a fat kid around 200 lbs. I’m down now to around 135, which I think is okay for my height. I could stand to lose another five or ten pounds. In any case, I still prefer rich, fatty food, and that probably won’t ever change. Right now, I’m craving a blueberry muffin, which, if you think about it, is just a mini-cake without frosting. Muffins are practically all sugar and fat. If I do, I’ll have to go jog an extra pair of laps tonight. Hmmm. Well, let’s get back to ramen for now.

I personally want this bowl of Toyama-style ramen. Unfortunately, the anime is doing the ramen is a disservice. The actual broth is much darker than the brown soup that you can see on the show:

God, that looks amazing. There are basically three things I love overdo in every dish I eat: 1) garlic, 2) fresh black pepper, 3) onions. Just don’t kiss me afterwards. And this bowl is full of black pepper. I’m not sure where I can find something like that around here, though. There’s this thing…

…but it’s really a misnomer. I actually enjoy it as far as instant ramen goes, but yeah. Afterwards, as if to balance out all the ramen with clean, clear broths, we get a flight of tonkotsu bowls.

Supposedly, tonkotsu ramen is served with straight noodles because they would cling together and help transport the broth up and into your mouth.

I prefer thin noodles over thick, personally.

Wow, three bowls of tonkotsu ramen in a row. There’s no way these girls can stay slim after all that. No way. But that does it for this week’s episode of Ramen Daisuki Koizumi-san.

Sushi Intermission

Like I said last week, I’m skipping ramen this week to save some money. So instead, I’ll talk about my sushi dinner! Yes, I realize the irony in this; sushi is way more expensive than ramen in most cases. I had this dinner back in December, though. I went to a place called Hinata, because it has one of the cheaper omakase in San Francisco. You usually have to pay at least $100 in the city for decent sushi; the higher-end restaurants will hover around $150-200. Hell, Sushi Hashiri offers a $500 option for the extravagantly rich. If I was going alone, I’d give it a shot, but I had two coworkers with me. As a result, I picked the $78 option. When you want to convince friends that sushi is good, you shouldn’t really burn a hole in their pockets. Not yet, anyways. Once they realize how good sushi is, then you can slowly nudge them towards the more expensive stuff.

What’s the difference between a $150 dollar omakase and what I ended up having instead? Well, it’s everything, really. Technique, variety, preparation, you name it. The cuts at Hinata weren’t as precise, and the chefs weren’t as tidy either. Nothing is unclean, mind you, but I wouldn’t mind it to have my station wiped up periodically. Every time the sushi chef served up a nigiri, he would leave behind a small amount of water from his hands. Over the course of the night, it built up a little. The small details matter. Also, the rice at Hinata wasn’t as fluffy as I would like; it was still decent, but the rice is my favorite part of nigiri. It also felt like Hinata only use one type of soy sauce for every nigiri. Also, I got nothing but fish for nigiri on the main menu — no eel, shrimp, squid, or any other animal from the sea — but hell, fish was good enough. For my friends who often only eat sushi when it comes in a roll covered in thick sauces, this meal was a revelation to them.

The best bite of the night was the chu toro that was half-seared. The seared end melted like butter in your mouth, so it was a nice texture contrast. The worst bite of the night was something I ordered as an extra: a piece of wagyu beef with gold flakes on top. It was way too salty. Last but not least, I always get black sesame ice cream if it’s on the menu.

Anyways, we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled ramen adventures next week… unless you guys want me to talk about my dinner at a super popular Hawaiian restaurant instead. Seriously, getting a decent reservation there is like pulling teeth. I’m finally going this upcoming Friday, though.

Takunomi Ep. 6

Man, just ask the guy to share. Anyways, Michiru is craving fish, but not only are the restaurants she goes to out of what she wants, so are the supermarkets. I find that hard to believe in a country like Japan. I find that hard to believe in any first-world country, honestly. Luckily for her, the two sisters are from Hokkaido, and their family just sent them a package full of… fish. Y’know, I hated eating fish growing up. I hated eating anything that had come from the sea. The smell just got to me. But like most foods we used to hate as kids, it turns out I only hated fish because my mom didn’t know how to cook seafood dishes at all. Nowadays, I’ll happily order fish if it’s on the menu… as long as it’s not steamed. I don’t particularly like that preparation for any ingredient, fish or otherwise.

Anyways, the girls enjoy sake with their fishy dinner. Sounds good. Personally, sake’s low on my list of preferred alcoholic beverages. Tastes like medicine to me. There are some that I like, though. The dry ones with hints of apple skin are nice with sushi.

Toji no Miko Ep. 7

I wish the show would explain to us why Yukari is so goddamn well regarded by her people. Sayaka’s gone missing, and her handler President Takatsu wants Yukari’s Elite Guards to go look for the girl. Why? Duh, it’s for Yukari’s sake; Sayaka is supposedly the ideal candidate to become the villain’s right-hand woman. Because Yukari-sama this, Yukari-sama that. But after seven weeks, I still have no clue why they practically deify this woman.

But yeah, Sayaka tries to run away, because she no longer wants to be a generic emotionless anime archetype. Yume goes after the girl and she’s got a really annoying voice, so this episode is even more unbearable than previous ones. Long story short, Mai and Sayaka are both in hiding now as well, and the woman who opposes Yukari is none other than her own sister. This means the team is finally complete, right? Don’t worry, I’ll probably drop this show in the spring when I have better stuff to watch.

Since this episode is pretty low on drama, I’ll just keep my post in notes form. 

— Yuzuki’s a quick thinker. On the other hand, Shirase is… well, she might be good in a horror movie. The killer thinks they have you cornered only for Shirase to accidentally choke them out or something. Yeah, I could see that.

— Seeing this big number two formation, I would watch a prequel involving Shirase’s mom and how the first expedition went. I mean, we know how it ends, but that’s okay.

— The girls are going around the ship, interviewing members of the team. Shirase’s nervousness is funny as hell. This part is a little too silly, though. How can she not notice? Why isn’t the lady moving away? And like I asked last week, why is she the co-host and not Mari or Hinata?

— Mari finds it fun to peel potatoes. Nope. I’ve helped out with prep work for a family restaurant before. It’s the most mind-numbing thing ever. Still better than dealing with customers, but that’s not saying much.

— Hey, what do you think you’re blushing about, buddy? Don’t you dare forget that these girls are not legal.

— It feels like it’d be tricky to run on a rocking boat. It’s not something I’ve ever tried, though. The last time I was ever on a boat was for a middle school trip to Catalina Island. I feel like there’s very little reason in my life to ever get on a boat if that makes any sense.

— Also, Hinata’s the only one here who used to do track, and yet she’s the only one here who isn’t in a tracksuit. Isn’t she cold?

— They’re surprised to see someone who looks like a scientist run so fast. That’s a little silly. Jogging does seem difficult at first, but you just gotta know how to pace yourself. There’s no shame in jogging slowly at first, and you’re not going to build up your stamina in a day. Or even a week. Also, you gotta give your legs a break every now and then to rebuild those muscle fibers. Then at some point, you just magically break through the wall. I find it rewarding, but everyone around me practically disdains cardio. All they ever seem to want to do is lift weights in order to exercise.

— Speaking of which, not with those puny weights. Also, don’t show any weakness around Hinata.

— Seems like an unbearably tight fit from this perspective, so maybe there’s actually more room that we can’t see due to obvious reasons. Anyways, this episode is really low on drama so far. It’s light and breezy, but eh… I need some meat to chew on.

— The girls notice how most of the adults have cut their hair short. Not surprisingly, the two dark-haired girls are highly protective of their hair.

— Mari then confesses that she cuts her own bangs all the time. Considering how much I don’t like her haircut, this explains a lot. Even the other girls feel the same, but they all have lame straight bangs too.

— Aw, I expected better-looking food than this.

— I’m surprised it’s taken half an episode before someone finally got seasick. Maybe they just needed a large meal sloshing around in their stomach. There’s like an unwritten rule in any story that if your characters board a ship, someone has to get seasick.

— An adult finally tells them what they need to do: take medicine to combat seasickness periodically, make sure to eat to keep up your stamina, etc. Like last week, I’m surprised that they’re not under more adult supervision. These are still just high school students. An adult should be checking up on them regularly, but I guess that’s not a fun anime thing to do.

— This meal looks a little more like it.

— The girls continue to feel terrible, however, and they’re told that the rocking of the boat is only going to get worse as they approach Antarctica. Fun. I’ve personally never gotten seasick or carsick myself. I actually have no clue what it feels like.

— The only “drama” this week is Shirase’s steely determination. As the conditions get tougher, the other girls are starting to doubt whether or not they can hack it. Shirase, however, tries to meet each challenge head on. She dove into her food despite her seasickness. She tells the girls that they just need to get tougher as the boat rocks up to 15 degrees. It’s a nice reprieve from the episode’s light-hearted fare, but I’m missing the more emotionally-driven feel of the earlier episodes. It seems like that has all but been abandoned ever since the group reached Fremantle.

Granted, that was just last week, but what I like about this show is that it doesn’t shy away from heavier moments. This sets it apart from all the other banal slice-of-life anime where conflicts almost never arise. I don’t have any waifus at stake. Watching four girls have fun doesn’t automatically brighten my day. I’ve grown to like these girls as a group of friends, so I’m not bored. But I’m also not as engaged as I was three or four weeks ago. It feels like the show’s current high point is the episode about Megumi’s insecurities. No matter what, I need a strong story to fall back on, which A Place Further Than The Universe has so far managed to accomplish for the most part. Nevertheless, the last two episodes just haven’t given the girls much to work with.

— It’s all fun and games until someone falls overboard. Also, unlike last week’s insert song, I’m pretty lukewarm on this one.

— God, that must be cold. I feel cold just looking at them. Better be careful that they don’t end up getting hypothermia.

— They’re all perfectly fine the following morning, though.

— Yay, ice!

— Hm, that’s a little sad.

Another week, another one-off story… except for the last few minutes.But before we get to the good part, let’s talk about the rest of the episode. I was actually hoping for the show to revisit Erica, since we kinda just ditched her back in episode two. But no, Violet’s off to another job, because she continues to get more and more popular than ever. I’m also a little ticked off that they teased a conflict between her and Gilbert’s brother only to completely drop that subplot for the time being. I’m not saying that I no longer enjoying the show; I’m also not saying that my enjoyment is plummeting fast. But while other shows are slowly reaching their peak, it feels as thoughViolet Evergarden has yet to live up to its first two episodes. Is this KyoAni’s fault or should we blame the source material? And before anyone brings up the fact that Cowboy Bebop was also largely episodic, that show was good in spite of it.

This time, Violet’s off to the Nation of Genetrix, but this looks more like a village. She’ll be helping out Oscar Webster, a playwright who has been struggling as of late due to his fondness for the drink. When she gets there, she finds a house in complete disarray and a sad, pathetic man who can barely keep himself conscious. As a result, he is treated to a bit of housekeeping along with Violet’s ghostwriting expertise. Talk about women taking on the burden of the emotional labor to the utmost extreme. She demands that he not drink until at least the job is done, so I think she should’ve made him to clean up his pigsty of a home. It’s not too much to ask any adult, male or female, to keep their living quarters respectable. The fact that she had to tidy up the place for the guy is a bit much. He then has the gall to make her buy paper as well as carbonara for dinner. Violet replies, “Sir, I’m your ghostwriter, not your maid.” Shoulda said that before the clean-up. Then she goes and does what he wants anyways. Weak.

Oscar finally wakes up and goes looking for the booze that Violet has hidden away, but y’know, he might be one of those artists who can only create when they’re under the influence. Nevertheless, she insists that alcohol is bad for his health. True, but again, Violet’s emotional labor is off the charts in this week’s episode. Clearly, she’s taking on a surrogate role; she’s replacing Olivia, the writer’s late daughter. So once again, our heroine is pretty much a traveling therapist. Isn’t that remarkable? Something that takes years of training can be done by a possibly autistic 14-year-old war veteran. And while I’m being somewhat snarky in tone, I don’t mind at all our heroine helping out those like Luculia or even Iris. But this deadbeat who instantly requests that Violet cook for him? Nah, man. How exactly did he feed himself before she came alone?

Oscar’s writing a play about a girl who goes on a journey, but he can’t figure out how to get her home. It’s like a metaphor, dude; a metaphor of his long, lost daughter. After being triggered by Violet holding his late daughter’s parasol, he finally confesses, “I lost my only hope in life.” Hearing this, I’m actually reminded of one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen in writing. And while I want to empathize for Oscar the same way I empathize with Roosevelt, I know that Violet’s going to somehow cure what ails him within the next eight or nine minutes. His recovery won’t feel as though he’s earned it. If KyoAni had stretched some of the stronger vignettes out into multi-episode arcs and excised the weaker ones, we might have the best anime series they’ve ever put together. But now, I’m not so sure…

And of course, through other people’s pain, Violet is supposed to then understand her own struggles in life. But the order of causality makes this a bit odd. Okay, so she’s been missing Gilbert since the start of the anime, and we can assume that this has affected her psyche is some shape or form. But what does it mean for her to understand it now? What does it mean for her to finally have the ability to empathize with her clients when the pain she’s finally feeling is something she’s always had? Like, did it not hurt before, but by hearing Oscar’s sad tale, it finally hurts now? Or did it always hurt, but she just couldn’t bring those raw, unprocessed emotions to the surface? It’s hard for me to understand what the show is trying to get at.

But after seeing Violet cry near the lake, Oscar later tells her that night that he’ll make sure to give his new play a happy ending. See? Violet will fix what ails you in no time flat. For the ending, Oscar wants his heroine to return home by using a parasol. The wind will carry her back to the father. To help him visualize this, Violet literally tries to leap across the lake. For a show that has been grounded in reality for the most part, it’s really strange to suddenly see a 14-year-old girl practically fly. And yet, we have to keep in mind that she’s not actually an android. Violet doesn’t quite make it all the way across the lake, but the end result still takes me out of the moment. We even get a moment that feels like it has been plucked straight out of an after school special. But wait! The most groanworthy is coming right up: “I was sure there was no God, but if there is one, it must be you.” Really? Really? But just like that, the famous playwright finishes his first play in years, no longer stays cooped up in his home, and even quits drinking! Marvelous!

As Violet heads home, she struggles with her feelings of guilt. She wonders how many lives she’s robbed, how many promises will remain unfulfilled thanks to her and her alone. Every new job fans the flames of her humanity, and yet, humanity is sinful. And so the doll, who at first did not even know how to feel, now travels the land and heals people of their emotional trauma by practically absorbing them into her own soul. Almost like The Picture of Dorian Gray, as the continent mends its wounds and grows happier by the day, our heroine’s emotional burden grows heavier and heavier. It’s like she’s bearing our sins. All of a sudden, those Jesus comparisons don’t seem so outlandish, but does the story really want to go there? Again, we’re teetering on the edge of “jumping the shark” territory.

All-too-human Violet suddenly bumps into her benefactress from the first episode, and this time, the former apologizes for her past behavior. Even though the woman holds the girl no ill will, she inadvertently punishes Violet anyway: “I’m so glad to see you’ve grown up. Now the late Gilbert’s soul can rest in peace.” Whoops. Big whoops. Terrible whoops. Our heroine soon storms into Claudia’s office and demands to know the truth.

The longer you put something off, the more it’ll blow up in your face. Or rather, Gilbert’s dead ’cause he got blown up. For now, however, Violet remains in denial. On the bright side, the next few weeks should hopefully focus on Violet’s pain and thus feel less episodic.

In any case, I like the final couple of minutes. I can’t say I feel the same about the majority of the episode.

Misc. notes & observations: 

— On the other hand, Mushishi is also episodic, and that’s okay because Ginko doesn’t really have a character arc. No one really does. He doesn’t develop at all. On the other hand, Violet clearly does, but a significant portion of it is happening offscreen, which leaves viewers just scratching their heads. “Wait, when did that… happen…?”

— “You will burn in the flames of your sin.” Sounds like some kind of STD, which they probably didn’t have good medicine for back then, alternate universe or not.

— Every time there’s a play in an anime, the acting is either low effort or hamfisted.

— Wait, Violet’s going to ghostwrite for a playwright? But… aren’t playwrights supposed to be able… write?

— Cattleya asks Claudia if he’s finally told Violet the truth about Gilbert. Of course he hasn’t. The show’s just reminding you that he hasn’t since we’ve crossed the midway point in the season. Maybe an adaptation of Violet Evergarden would’ve been better as a movie.

— Oscar Webster: “There stood a girl. Not the one I wished I could see again, the one whose very name is too painful for me to utter, but a girl with hair the same shade of gold.” Boy, these playwrights sure are dramatic. Hahaha… ha.

— Whenever people meet Violet, they always says that they’re surprised to see someone so young, but does she really look young to you? I mean, I always thought they meant she was 17 or 16 at the very least. Violet does not look 14.

— Apparently, he needs a ghostwriter because he’s too much of an alcoholic to even hold a bottle steady. I dunno, man… he could always just write the play out unless he can’t do that either.

— Obviously, Violet’s cooking for the first time, so the results are going to be comical, but carbonara’s actually pretty simple to make. I’d make it right now if it weren’t so fattening.

— Violet is impressed by the play: “…I’m finding joy, feeling sorrow.” But she continues to be completely deadpan in her delivery. Her facial expression rarely changes. And considering how much of Violet’s development has happened offscreen, it’s hard to currently take her word for it.

— Would’ve been nice if she didn’t have to run like that, though.

When we last left off, Bargain Bin Kirito looks to add yet another loli to his collection. 

Naturally, she wakes up and immediately becomes infatuated with him. You can argue all you want that he isn’t a lolicon — you can argue that until you’re blue in the face — but who are you trying to fool here? “I’m not a lolicon! I just happened to write an isekai story where the self-insert character is surrounded by lolis!” Brilliant defense.

Afterwards, one of the lolis scolds him for going to a brothel instead of coming to her, but I swear that this guy isn’t a lolicon! See, it isn’t creepy if she’s the perverted one.

I also like the argument that the show is purposefully boring as shit. Yeah, so what if the story is aimless and the main character never does anything of interest! That’s the isekai experience, baby!

“B-b-but she’s really 130 years old!”

Yep, she looks 130 to me. Maybe even 140. Old ass hag.

And when I say aimless, I’m not exaggerating. For some odd reason, we waste a couple minutes watching BBK teach his lolis how to read and write.

Then we get to watch him lunch with his lolis. Again, this is all part of the isekai experience!

The food looks so good, the show cuts to these sandwiches twice!

But seriously, what are we doing this week? Is this going anywhere? I thought BBK might go and take the loli elf to some ley line to help her recover, but he’s now exploring the possibility of buying a cart.

Riveting horse wagon conversations and poorly drawn faces are all part of the isekai experience!

Camping lessons? We’re going camping now? But why?

Doesn’t matter I guess. Just gimme some of that delicious camping montage. Eat your heart out, Yuru Camp. You might have wholesome girls, but we’ve got salacious lolis! But don’t worry, ’cause BBK would never touch them. I mean, he can’t help it if aspiring artists want to draw him and these lolis in uncompromising fanart and doujins, wink wink, but he’d never do anything to them in the actual show.

Yep, just an innocent man working his wood in a forest while being surrounded by his loli slaves.

Sigh.

Sick chemistry talk, bro. Break out that phase diagram of water and teach those lolis a thing or two!

“Ackchyually…”

Oh god, the furries from last week are back. How did they even know that BBK and his lolis were camping out here? Did they sniff him out? Luckily, our hero drives them away with meat. That sure was a necessary scene. Can’t leave anything out of this adaptation, nope!

…aaaaaand the camping is over. We’re back in the city. I thought they were going camping so they could scout a place out or whatever, but nope. They just camped for the hell of it. And now we’re back to extreme cart-riding. On the bright side, 16 minutes into the episode, we finally get a whiff of a plot. The teensy, tiniest whiff. They could use the cart to take Mia back to her hometown… wherever the fuck that is. But they’ll have to talk it over later! So in the meantime, let’s go cart-riding with one of our loli slaves!

Oh no, storm clouds a’brewin’. But what does this mean? What will this lead to? We only have a couple of minutes left. Something exciting better happen soon.

But nope, BBK simply passes by another cart and an owl that looks suspicious, and before you know it, we’re back home to greet our loli elf.

Oh c’mon, you’ve already gone camping! You’ve gone cart-riding. Now we’re going to celebrate a loli simply waking up and walking about?

But once again, BBK notices someone watching him. Yep, 19 minutes into the episode, and all we’ve got going for us is a creepy owl.

Rat boy is finally awake, and he tells BBK all about how the loli elf was kidnapped and taken to a castle. She escaped, but evil dudes are still after her. But since this exposition is literally taking place at the last minute, it’s horribly rushed.

Not a lolicon! Nope! Lolis just cling to him. He can’t help that they’re scared of lightning and thunder! He can’t help that they all flock to him!

All of a sudden, they turn to find that the superb owl has followed them into the building!

Oh no, what is that! Who is th–… oh wait, episode’s over. I hope you enjoyed your shitty Yuru Camp knockoff.

Notes again. 

— Yui wants to get the whole team onto some sort of group chat so they can talk during work. Sure, just get Slack. But Kondo is so old, he still has a flip phone. Hilarious.

— Kase acts like Kondo is too old to even learn how to use an app. C’mon, he’s 45, not 95. But just like that, everyone gives up on the idea. Uh, why not just bring it up with the boss and let him decide? It’s kinda silly how the group just collectively deflates after Kase’s interjection. Even Akira doesn’t think he can use the app properly, so she greedily decides to see if she can get just the two of them to text each other instead. About what, though? That seems like the first question she should answer. It feels like they have enough trouble even having conversations in person, so how can their friendship transcend to another medium?

— That guy who has a crush on Akira… yeah I don’t even know his name. I’m just going to ignore his existence until his role in this story amounts to more than comic relief.

— Meanwhile, Kondo continues to obsess over that book he had checked out from the library.

— I was hoping they’d start talking in-depth about Botchan, but the conversation never really goes anywhere. She then asks about his book, and he reveals that it was written by a “friend.” Just a friend, I’m sure. But she finds it remarkable that he even personally knows an author: “You’re amazing, Mr. Kondo.” I dunno, I find this to be a strange reaction.

— This conversations are so awkward. He’s right in that he’s just a middle aged guy, but there’s nothing wrong with that. He lacks confidence. On the other hand, she’s way too effusive. So what if he reads? Lots of people read. Paperback sales have actually gone up over the past few years. They have no chemistry. They have nothing to talk about. These conversations lack any sort of substance or depth. And y’know what? The problem is her. He might have decades of experience to draw upon, but she has nothing to contribute. Of course, it’s not her fault because she’s teenager. We are reminded, however, how mismatched they would be as a couple, mentally and physically.

— Akira: “You can even explain books like a teacher because you know so much about them.” Can he? Let’s hear it.

— Kondo: “You know nothing about me.” Cold, but true. She’s just being kinda childish, right now. Childish doesn’t always mean annoying or bratty. She’s being childish in her unflinching adoration of a man she barely even knows outside of work. Most of us don’t know our coworkers. Everyone wears a mask to work. And just like that, it begins to rain outside. The weather seems oddly in sync with Akira’s mental state.

— Meanwhile, Kase overhears everything… I guess we’ll have to revisit his creepy ass at some point. Maybe it’ll be this week.

— In fact, Akira feels so bad, it looks as though a typhoon is about to hit. And yet, Akira intends to work. If it’s that bad, you’d think someone at the diner (like Kondo) would tell the staff not to come in. It’s not like you’ll get very many customers during a typhoon. Speaking of inclement weather, I’ve lived in California for 99% of my life, and the worst it ever rained was in sixth grade. It poured so much, the classroom got flooded, and one of my projects got destroyed. Hey, I didn’t complain; got a free A out of that.

— You’d think it’d be cold too, but Akira has on a medium skirt and a short-sleeved shirt. It’s still the summer, I guess.

— Kondo’s gone and gotten himself a cold… I wonder if it’s something else, though. Still, he had the wherewithal to call in sick, but he didn’t tell his staff not to open the restaurant? I guess the owner calls the shot, but we’ve never even met this person or persons.

— And somehow we have customers. I guess nobody got the typhoon warning.

— This dessert looks pretty good for something out of a diner.

— Dark thoughts swirl in Akira’s head, and she ends up dropping the dessert on the group. On the one hand, it seems a bit silly that Akira would be in such a bad mental state. Kondo didn’t scream at her nor did he say anything all that harsh (in my opinion). Plus, he has a cold. Yeah, his mood has been in a funk lately, but enough to send the girl into a tailspin? On the other hand, she took this job and fell in love with Kondo to help her cope with the loss of track and field. Kondo is her emotional crutch at the moment, and without him, we’re seeing a girl who has yet to really come to terms with her devastating injury. So from this point of view, Akira’s terrible reaction slowly starts to make sense.

— Yeah… Kubo says it wasn’t so busy thanks to that typhoon. So how are we gonna get home, lady?

— I only ever see Akira eat sandwiches on her break. I’d ask if it ever gets old, but I eat curry at least twice a week so… hey, I even had Japanese curry today!

— Kase: “You seem to be under the weather.” No pun intended, I’m sure.

— He tells her to quit chasing Kondo, but nobody ever likes unsolicited advice. Plus, it’s hard to feel that the advice is coming from a genuine place considering how hard Kase tried to seduce Akira. Nevertheless, even Kase is astute enough to draw a link between the girl’s crush on Kondo and her injury. It’s not rocket science.

— Oh boy, Kondo really is sick. I bet you he’s not eating right either.

— Dude, his fever is not even that high. I still wouldn’t come to work, but I wouldn’t look as bad as he’s looking right now.

— The doorbell is ringing. God, it better not be Akira. But who else would it be?

— A 45-year-old man and a teenage girl who won’t stop loving him… cooped up together in the middle of a storm. Hoo boy…

— Kondo: “Tachibana, you always appear out of nowhere on a rainy day.” Huh, I notice it always rains when she feels bad, but I never thought to consider how it must look like from other people’s perspective.

— It seems terribly rude to just barge into someone’s life and for what? All because she wants to know more about Kondo? That’s ridiculous. I love how this show is directed, but the story and its characters… are just so unhealthy. Yeah, it’s unhealthy. It’s unhealthy for her to go this far out of her way just to know more about her boss. Yes, I know she’s in love. Yes, I know he was a bit cold to her. But this all just feels very wrong. This is not what you do. I would’ve never let her into my home in the first place. I know there’s a storm raging out side, but she managed to make her way here so she can manage to make her way home too.

She could’ve called. She could’ve sent a message (she has his number). She could’ve pulled this nonsense on a much less dangerous day. She could’ve just forced him to take her out on yet another stupid date. Try picking something besides a movie next time if you want to get to know the guy. Just a thought! The point is, I make my boundaries very clear, and I would never let a coworker just waltz into my home. Of course, I have no emotional attachment to the girl, but Kondo shouldn’t either. Some of you might say I’m being way too harsh, but try imagining one of your coworkers having a crush on you despite your clear disinterest (Kondo has warned her that they can’t be a couple) and just showing up at your house out of the blue one day. That’s messed up, man. Take the pretty Japanese schoolgirl out of the equation and see how you would honestly feel. Are you perfectly A-OK with an obsessed coworker just crashing your apartment?

— But Kondo could never get mad at her. He only apologizes for being mean the other day, and reiterates that he has no self-confidence. These characters are so frustrating. Why must a beautifully crafted anime have such a frustrating story?

— Kondo: “…and I don’t have anything I can be proud of.” I know he’s speaking glibly, but in my head, I’m just like, “What about your son, man?”

— Kondo: “I’m not the kind of adult you think I am.” Well, she said it herself: she doesn’t even know him. Ergo, she’s not even in love with the real him. She’s in love with her idea of him.

— Akira wonders why it has to hurt so much. Something else is hurting her. She needs to confront the root of her sorrow. It’s unfair to put this all on her love for Kondo when she doesn’t even know him.

— Kondo: “Youthfulness can sometimes be rough and vicious. But, the emotions you feel then will eventually become a precious treasure.” This kinda reminds me of that speech I loved so much from Call Me By Your Name:

How you live your life is your business, just remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. And before you know it, your heart is worn out, and, as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it. Right now, there’s sorrow, pain. Don’t kill it and with it the joy you’ve felt.

…

We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything – what a waste!

Speaking of which, Call Me By Your Name is also a story about a forbidden and taboo love.

— The girl asks him outright if she’s just not good enough for him. It’s not about that, though. It’s never been about that. Kondo is, however, too nice to ever give Akira any tough love. He wants to protect her, so he tells her that she is an awesome person. Unfortunately, he takes too long just trying to praise her, so he never quite gets to say anything more than that. Whether or not tough love would work, who knows…? Maybe he knows better than me. I would personally try to explain to the girl again why a relationship with this large an age gap would never work. I have a line in the sand that I would fight to never cross no matter what. Some viewers will argue otherwise, but I’m not 100% certain if Kondo has that same line.

— In the darkness, Kondo confesses that her love for him reminds him of halcyon days, and he’s truly grateful for that. I just feel like by being nice, he runs the risk of giving her false hope. I fear that she’ll hear what she wants to hear, so even if he has the best intentions, she won’t really listen to what he’s trying to get at. And that’s the problem with his reluctance to be perfectly blunt. It might break her a little, but I see it like exercising. We actually damage our muscles when we exercise so that they may grow back bigger and stronger. We can’t treat Akira like this fragile porcelain doll that can never be put back together should she fall. Rather, she needs to bounce back from this. More importantly, she needs to bounce back from her injury. But so long as the possibility of love between her and Kondo continues to exist, she’ll never properly work on what matters most: herself. That’s what she should be focusing on right now. She needs to love herself before she can even start loving someone else. Let’s put it another way… you’re not ready for love if someone’s rejection is enough to make you hate yourself.

— Hmph.

— There are some emotions that only the reptilian mind of a teenager can understand. That sounds mean, but I’m not even being sarcastic. Okay, maybe just a little bit. But honestly, our brains are not fully developed until we are well into our 20s, and by the time we’re fully matured, some emotions just don’t… they just don’t hit us as hard as they used to. It’s like how young kids can’t stand strongly flavored food, because they have too many taste buds. As they grow up, their taste buds become less sensitive. I’m not a psychologist, so it’s highly possible I’m talking out of my ass, but I feel as though teenagers are like that but with emotions.

They are just much more sensitive to certain feelings due to their youth, and as adults, we can’t really understand it. All we have are our faded memories to draw upon. So having said that, I get how and why Kondo would want to try and protect Akira the way that he does. I don’t agree with it, but I see how he would have to put himself at her level: “I’ll close my umbrella and get wet in your rain. Something that’s youthful in every respect, and something you shouldn’t touch just from the sense of nostalgia.” I just think the danger of giving the girl false hope outweighs his need to protect her in this very instant.

— Pfft. You know that stupid animeism nonsense where a girl is like, “You shouldn’t do that to a girl unless you like her?” Totally applies here. Totally, totally applies here.

— Naysayers will protest that they hug their friends all the time. Sure. But this is about false hope. And he planted that seed of false hope in her. I think that’s irresponsible of him.

— What a coincidence… the weather is perfect following their little “platonic” tryst.

— And now it’s Akira’s turn to be sick. Lovesick, that is.

— I mean, look at her. She’s all drenched.

— What a goober.

— And in her fevered mind — a love-addled mind, I might add — Akira starts to fantasized:

— Ugh. To complete the metaphor, we even see Kondo enjoy a cigarette. Hilarious.

— Such a beautiful anime… and yet, such an ugly story. Feel free to disagree. I’ve already heard what you guys have to say. At this point, I’m sure we’re entrenched in our positions anyway.

Lewd. 

— Oh hey, more backstory I don’t care about. Honestly, I’m just here to see who has the sharpest fang. Nothing else matters to me. Even the girls don’t matter to me, because they’re not really drawn all that well. Gimme the fangs.

— Recap, recap, recap. What is this? Dragon Ball Super?

— This oh-so-threatening Kido guy is apparently a tree hugger. I can’t wait to see what animal he ends being. I’m hoping sloth. Also, Gorilla Boy is still alive (I forget if I ever gave him a stupid nickname), but of course he is. Who’s actually really dead in this show besides the rapist Solid Snake?

— “A blow from a crocodile’s tail can even pierce the defenses of a hippo’s hide.” I’m skeptical.

— You would naturally assume that this is worse than Killing Bites. After all, death > killing. Death is what killing hopes to achieve. But just watch it fail.

— It critically failed. Hoo boy, there’s no coming back from that one… I think. You never know with these dumb shows. Seriously though, what animal is this Kido?

— The guy then kneels down and punches Renekton some more for good measure. Stop! Stop! He’s already dead!

— This is where someone’s supposed to stand in front of the crowd and yell, “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!” I mean, isn’t this what these rich fucks want? Don’t tell me there’s a line they won’t dare cross. Poor people killing each other is A-OK, but don’t you dare be so sadistic!

— According to Kido, this isn’t about sadism at all. He just wants to turn Renekton into fertilizer. You could also just eat the guy and then let your body take care of it. Just sayin’.

— This looks absolutely terrible. In any case, he’s about to strike Hungry Hungry Hippo, but the latter suddenly disappears into a hole. Of course. After all, Bunny Girl wasn’t digging those holes for reason.

— Elsewhere, the 2v1 fight against Geico Insurance never pans out, because the villainous is ordered to pull out. Somehow, this just feels rather anticlimactic. I was expecting another ridiculous fight to unfold.

— Instead, Chesty Cheetah turns and pounces on Honey Badger, but we kinda already know how that’s going to pan out. The two hot girls of the cast aren’t going to even injure each other much less kill each other. But the show doesn’t want to blow its load yet, so back to Hungry Hungry Hippo we go!

— Okay, nature guy is really starting to stretch credulity.

— Hungry Hungry Hippo says he’s going to stay hidden for now, but it’s going to be hard to hide a goddamn hippo.

— Meanwhile, Bunny Girl just has to stay out of trouble, but she somehow digs her way into it.

— Gorilla Boy: “Then I’ll be happy to squash you. And I don’t mean figuratively!” Nobody was thinking figuratively, dude. Nobody. But the show always cuts to something else just as soon as something interesting is about to happen. So do we get to see Bunny Girl fight Gorilla? No. We see this instead…

— …where are the fangs? C’mon, where are the sharp fangs!

— They can’t even make lesbian kissing look hot. It just looks… awkward.

— Apparently, the girls are only horny because this lady did something to them. Civet, huh? What’s a civet? Apparently, its musk is used to make perfumes, which naturally works as an aphrodisiac in an anime. But wait, don’t they also feed coffee beans to these animals? Then you “harvest” the beans from their feces and sell that shit (no pun intended) for tons of money?

— Right.

— My word! Heavens to Betsy!

— See, it’s not that I dislike hot girl-on-girl action. The problem is that it gets sickos all hot and bothered. Do you really want to see some pervy old man stick out his pervy old tongue? No, right? So let’s hose those two girls down so we can get back to finding out who has the sharper fangs.

— Elsewhere (I say this a lot for this show), Geico Insurance runs into Taiga Aisaka. But if you’re expecting an exciting bout, she just goes down in one blow. Afterwards, Taiga goes on and on about how a Destroyal without his BFF Leo is just so goddamn boring, but if I recall correctly, he almost died to the crocodile, so what a crock of shit. Plus, Leo lost to Honey Badger. Man, after all that build up, this episode is just picking people off left and right without any excitement or drama.

— Honey Badger and Chesty Cheetah are still going at it, but none of their clothing have come off. Hmmmm.

— So Yoko seems to think her grandfather has merely been tricked into becoming a pervy old man. She also thinks winning this Destroyal will somehow change him back. How? Shrug. Magic, I guess. In her words, she will claim victory and take back his heart. Just like that.

— In the end, Honey Badger snaps out of her sex-crazed delusion by thinking about Shidoh. What’s the point of having Yuya around again? Anyways, she then has some harsh words for Chesty Cheetah:

Welp.

— You heard her, folks. Sharp fangs > sex. Somehow, I’ve kinda lost all enthusiasm for Honey Badger’s catchphrase. It’s just been so cold up here, I can barely move my fingers to type these words out. Maybe I’ll get back into it next week.

— But before she can kill the civet, Taiga stops her. Ah well. End episode. I can finally sleep. And yeah, like I said on Twitter, I’m saving Beatless for tomorrow since I got back so late tonight. G’night.

So this is officially the seventh episode of the season, huh? And I assume we’ll get another recap episode at some point. That seems like a waste of time to me, but who knows? Maybe some people out there need multiple recaps. In any case, we get a setup episode this week, so there’s a lot of background information and new faces to introduce. Arato and Lacia even take a backseat to help facilitate this. I can’t say if this is a good thing or not, because I’m not a big fan of Shiori. I know there are cultural reasons for why she’s in her current situation, but I can never find myself empathizing with someone who even entertains the idea of political marriages. But enough about that. Let’s dive into the show already.

— This is all surprisingly low-tech for a universe like Beatless. Who’s this? Is she an hIE? Is she human?

— It’s sad that Arato’s sister thinks he’s too dumb to watch the news. I know it’s supposed to be a joke, but a lot of kids are apathetic to current events. It shouldn’t take a tragedy — like, say, a school shooting — to jolt our youths back to life. In any case, it’s his fault that his sister is this way. She’s completely spoiled by him and Lacia.

— Speaking of Lacia, she just made a plate of donuts without any frostings.

— 9500 kcal? That’s nuts. I barely consume more than that in a week (to be fair, I’m on a diet). What’s the point of making donuts though if you’re just going to shame the girl into not eating?

— Arato feels bad that someone possibly died in that attack on the conference. But y’know, multiple hIEs went down that day in an attempt to protect humans. Those hIEs may not have been advanced or pretty as Lacia, but they still lost their lives for no good reason. I suppose Arato hasn’t gotten to that point where he starts caring for every living thing… even though the first episode established the fact that he supposedly does.

— To make a long story short, the only way to bring back the three renegade Lacia-class hIEs, they’ll need to send a Lacia-class hIE after them. PMCs can’t handle these advanced androids. More importantly, some skeezy-looking scientist speculates that Kouka and Snowdrop attacked the conference because their only directive in life is to protect the data that they carry. Okay, let’s assume that these super smart hIEs can’t give themselves a purpose. How does attacking some political experiment help protect their data? A pathetic-looking scientist wants to blame the incident all on the hIEs’ owners, but as we’ve already seen, Kengo was influenced by Kouka, not the other way around. She wanted him to take responsibilities for her actions, but they were her actions nonetheless.

— I still don’t get all this talk about how they require an owner to survive in the outside world. What protection can a bunch of high school students offer to these hIEs that can apparently take down entire PMC squads?

— Oooh, the hIEs broke free due to an inside job.

— Then there’s something about Ryo’s sister entering into a political marriage to strengthen her company. After Kengo, I guess Ryo is the focus now. She starts feeding us exposition about how he’s lost his spark of life after a certain incident. More importantly, there’s some creepy incestuous vibes between her and Ryo. Why do we always gotta go there?

— Methode looks a lot like Lacia, but then there’s the fact that they’re all Lacia-class hIEs. Lacia, Lacia, Lacia. In any case, Methode is going to go after Kouka and Snowdrop. I’m going to be disappointed if the latter two end up coming to Arato for help and protection from Methode. Another lame possibility is that his two buddies become their owners. Something about a bunch of high school boys owning perfectly capable living things just skeeves me out.

— After all that plot, we boomerang right back to Yuka being a giant airhead. She’s the worst character on this show. Her phone even beeps when her brother is nearby. It’s pathetic. Shiori’s acting oddly in this scene, but I don’t care about this show enough to find out why. I’m sure the anime will spell it out later anyway.

— Great disguise. Surely nobody can spot her now.

— Oh no, Ryo is getting himself involved with these scientists. He and the creepy scientist suddenly engage in a pretentious discussion about determining the humanity of a thing. I guess the most important thing to learn is that Ryo is selling his buddy out.

— For a fancy event, the food looks pretty weak. What is that in the middle? Just penne with some tomato-based sauce? Possibly spaghetti sauce? C’mon.

— She’s still just a child, dipshit. Oh lord, his moustache looks like it is glued on.

— Methode reveals to Shiori (of all people) that she was behind the incident at the Tokyo Research Center. She also apparently claims she has no clue what her owner is up to. Methode’s gimmick? She can have more than one owner, and she wants Shiori to be her owner as well. It sounds like she wants the freedom to refuse Watarai’s orders. The only way to do that is to have it run into conflict with another owner’s order. This is ridiculous. If these hIEs are so damn smart, why can’t they just do whatever they want? Why place this limiter on their actions? What is this convoluted owner-responsibility setup supposed to reveal to us about both humans and androids?

— It’s possible I’m missing something very crucial about the plot. After all, I’m not following this as closely as I could. I don’t love Beatless as much as I’d like to.

— In any case, the possibility of having a powerful hIE on her side is all too tempting to a caged bird like Shiori. But it’s doubtful she’ll be in a much better position with an hIE like Methode. The latter just wants to do whatever she wants, and Shiori will have to bind herself to that. It just sounds like going from one prison to the next.

— Something serious went down in the post-credits scene.

After all the near-death drama from last week’s episode, Darling in the FranXX decides to take a breather and indulge itself in a light-hearted beach episode. I know, I know, I’m not fond of beach episodes either. Nevertheless, this week’s offering is still rife with critical character development and crucial clues about the show’s setting. We also continue to build on the show’s overarching themes about Japanese society in general. First, some good news: Hiro and Zero-Two are now officially partners; Papa and his ilk can’t deny this any further. More importantly, most of the kids have given up on the idea that Zero-Two is some sort of partner-killer. But she does kill her partners. Just not Hiro. I mean, would Mitsuru want to ride with her again? I think not. Nevertheless, Ichigo continues to remain somewhat distrustful of the two-horned girl. I’m sure there’s no bias there. She concedes that Zero-Two is exactly what Hiro needs, but… is she really okay with it? I doubt it. That’s not an enthusiastic smile. More importantly, however, we need to talk about what’s good for the nation versus what’s good for the individuals. For instance, Ikuno’s mood and tone shifts dramatically when she’s talking to someone other than Ichigo. When we see them walking together later in some mysterious forest, Ikuno even brushes Ichigo’s cheek in a rather affectionate and intimate way. It sure seems as though she’s into Ichigo, who is sadly in love with Hiro and Hiro alone. Can these two girls even become potential partners in the future or are they bound to their respective partners? Only time will tell.

Nevertheless, you can’t help but wonder how she and Mitsuru are even compatible in the first place. She’s so cold to him, and he’s too self-centered to care about anyone else. Maybe their disdain for the world is what makes them compatible, but that seems ultimately dysfunctional to me. Rather, I don’t think they’re compatible at all. They might eventually become compatible later in the story, but not right now. I suspect they only became partners because a computer determined that — given what we have — this was the best course of action. What does this mean? Well, at one point, the boys drag Hiro away from Zero-Two just to grill the latter about the act of kissing, so you know sex education is bad nowadays. I joke, but this truly is the case. These kids are completely clueless about any sort of romantic interaction. Goro even asks Hiro if it’s possible for two people to be closer to each other than merely partners. He doesn’t even know what it means to love someone. That’s sad. I don’t mean sad in a pathetic way; rather, it’s sad in a dystopian sort of way. The show’s naysayers have been so busy railing at the show’s poor attempt to mimic sex that they’ve overlooked the fact that this universe has an unhealthy, altogether incomplete understanding of relationships for a reason. This is a reflection of a certain modern society. This episode is building upon themes that have been established weeks ago. Is there procreation in this world? Is there real sex in this world? Hell, is there even real love in this world? How can two people be compatible if they lack the concept of love?

You can imagine how partners might have come into existence in this universe. Faced with the encroaching threat of the klaxosaurs, humanity has no choice but to pair people up via metrics. This is the only way to get the best out of the FranXXs. In other words, we don’t have time to wait for people to fall in love naturally. We don’t have time for people to date around and explore their compatibility. Let’s just hook these kids up to machines, and let the numbers tell us what to do. Pairings like Ikuno and Mitsuru are the result. There’s no loved lost between those two, but when you need soldiers and you need soldiers now, are you going to wait and hope to find better partners for these two kids? Or are you just going to force them together in order to fight for the better good of society? As outsiders, we might find this odd, but it’s really not. For the vast majority of human history, marriage has never been about love. Even now — all around the world — people marry all the time for politics or convenience. This age-old tradition then runs headfirst into contemporary, modern values in which love is seemingly the only reason to ever get married. We naturally assume that in a conflict, one side will eventually win out. You either continue getting into relationships for pragmatic reasons, or you get married to your partner out of love and love alone. But what if both sides end up annihilating each other? What if both options slip out of our grasp and our society no longer gets married, no longer has babies, and no longer get into long-lasting, rewarding relationships? Can a society really sustain themselves for long like this? That’s the anxiety that every first-world nation eventually comes to face, isn’t it?

What we do know is that the adults do not care about the children. Squad 13 would’ve been wiped out weeks ago if not for Zero-Two’s intervention. Wherever these kids came from, there are others just waiting in line to replace them. The adults do not have the children’s best interest at heart; they only care about themselves, which, of course, is framed as the better good of society. Hiro has yet to fully doubt the adults’ intentions, but he does at least question the need for humanity to live within the plantations. Why lock ourselves up when the world around us seems so beautiful and serene? This of course makes him blasphemous in the eyes of the other kids. It’s just that moving into the plantations haven’t exactly protected mankind from klaxosaurs. They’re still being attacked, so what’s the difference with being attacked inside a plantation versus being attacked outside one. Unfortunately, the other kids are fully indoctrinated: “I mean, the adults used to live in these drab outdoors, but now they live in bright, sparkling cities! And we’re the ones protecting their lifestyles! We’re being useful to them!” More importantly, Zorome thinks he’ll eventually be rewarded with adulthood. Imagine that. Adulthood is the end goal. When you follow a religion, you hope to one day enter heaven, achieve Nirvana, or what have you. For these kids, it’s adulthood. Childhood, on the other hand, is the brutish, punishing everyday experience that they must devoutly endure. If Hiro wants to depart from this cave of half-truths and mistruths, he can only turn to Zero-Two.

At one point, Zero-Two directly confesses to Hiro that she wants to be with him forever, so naturally, the story has to find a way to force them apart. As such, we see a flashback in which Dr. Franxx warns Hiro to avoid letting Zero-Two consume his emotions. So is our hero supposed to withhold every single one of his emotions from his partner? Or does he simply have to keep her from devouring them all? The distinction is important. You can’t really be a good partner if you’re not emotionally open and available, so this feels like the adults wanting Hiro to sabotage himself. Zero-Two was already useful to them; while they were hoping to find a suitable partner for the girl, they didn’t exactly need someone like Hiro to unlock her full potential. What if they’re actually fearful of what Zero-Two is capable of if she sticks with Hiro? What if they’ve always been fearful of true compatibility and the potential it has to disrupt the current status quo? Plus, who’s trustworthy here? How does Hiro know he can trust a guy he’s just met? Unfortunately, these kids have been brought up in a world in which they are meant to revere and sacrifice everything for the adults. You can easily substitute “adults” with “overall good of the nation.” For now, Hiro still lacks a single rebellious bone in his body. Zero-Two has often tried to lure him away, suggesting that they run off and abandon society altogether, but he doesn’t even understand what that would entail. Our heroine is the only person who is truly disdainful of the false paradise around her. She seems to be the only person who’s remotely atheistic. If she wants to help her darling, she’ll have to convince him that Papa (God) is actually dead.

And yet, Zero-Two won’t go unopposed. At the end of the episode, Ichigo says she’s going to officially introduce Hiro and Zero-Two to the group, but Zero-Two is not there. The girl is still busy swimming out in the dark all by herself, but does Ichigo wait for her to return? Of course not. Once again, Zero-Two’s treated as an outsider. These sweet words about teamwork and friendship are all for Hiro and Hiro alone. On the surface, this campfire scene feels warm and reassuring. After all, who doesn’t love to feel as though they’re a part of a family? But when you peel back the layers, there’s a dark undercurrent. Ichigo (inadvertently or not) continues to ostracize Zero-Two. Of course, the two-horned girl taunted Ichigo back in that abandoned city, but the latter has distrusted our heroine since the start of the entire story. No one’s completely innocent here. The point is, all this talk about teamwork and friendship is hollow when one of your team members can only look from afar. Ichigo then goes on a walk with Hiro later and tries to remind him of a childhood promise that he had made to her. Instead of looking forward, she has him looking to the past. Without truly realizing what she’s doing, Ichigo continues to represent the status quo, i.e. the safe option of the childhood friend. Return to the past. Fulfill your old promises. Never grow up. Zero-Two’s work isn’t done yet.

Misc. notes & observations:

— Goddamn, it’s a beach episode. Well, after all the serious stuff, I suppose the gang needs some downtime. Let’s just hope they do something interesting with the obligatory beach episode. I’m also somewhat surprised that Zero-Two went with a one-piece swimsuit.

— Miku: “Being on break doesn’t mean you can get carried away.” Welcome to the “No Fun Zone,” where running and screaming on a beach is forbidden. Miku’s words are even worse when you hear what Kokoro says next: “This is our first time seeing an ocean that’s okay to swim in.” The first time! Who wouldn’t be excited to see the ocean for the first time?

— But where did they manage to find this place? Where in this world is there suddenly clear blue skies and sandy beaches? Apparently, it’s just right outside the plantation. Huh. It looks perfectly safe and inhabitable. Why did humans decide to go and live in the plantations instead?

— Goro’s so boring, he wonders if this vacation is actually a training exercise in disguise. Bro, let your shoulders down and just relax.

— Mysterious guy: “Who would’ve thought that failure of a special specimen had so much ability?” Another guy then goes, “I wish he’d shown us this from the start.” “He,” they said. They’re talking about Hiro. I didn’t know Hiro was a special specimen. Funny to get this bit of info now. I initially thought they were referring to Zero-Two. We then learn that Hiro needs to bring the girl to the “Grand Crevasse,” which sounds rather overtly sexual. But you know how it goes. Everything else out of their mouths (do they have mouths?) are purposefully vague.

— “One of APE’s special forces = Zero-Two, apparently.

— We are also finally introduced to this dude. If you don’t recall who he is, he referred to someone (likely Zero-Two) Nine Iota at the end of last week’s episode. Maybe he’s another member of the APE’s special forces. They all seem to get snazzy military jackets to wear. Hiro needs to update his wardrobe.

— Apparently, it’s dangerous to send the kids to the beach by themselves? Maybe we’ll get some action in this week’s episode after all.

— Oh? Does all-too-pure Goro actually have a vice? He goes onto say that he’s a guy too, so how is he “supposed to ignore this marvelous view?” It would probably shatter these guys’ minds to know that girls also like to take in “marvelous view[s].” You think those shirt-less boy idols in Japan were just a coincidence? C’mon. It’s one of those things I wish anime was more progressive about. Stop pretending that half of the world doesn’t harbor any semblance of sexual desires. Have you ever listened in on girls-only talk? It’s just as raunchy, man.

— Dorks.

— Is there anything more intimate than sex? How ’bout getting through a life-or-death situation with your partner? Sadly, one of the show’s overarching points has to be spelled out to viewers. All the pretend doggystyle stuff is just pretext to true compatibility. Listening to your partner and supporting them through a life-threatening battle is everything. One is played for humor and the other is dead serious. Unfortunately, people got all pissy about the humor, which is ironic. Anyways, what’s the point in our boy hero being shy now? He’s already seen her at her most vulnerable and vice versa.

— Also, he’s seen her naked before, a fact which she points out. Then again, you could argue that swimsuits and lingerie are much sexier than just plain nakedness. You could argue that. But I subscribe to the School of Michael Scott:

“Let’s face it. Most guys are from the Dark Ages. They’re cavemen. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing eight-inch heels. And to be wearing see-through underpants. But for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.”

— The mark on his chest is a reminder that all of our partners leave something indelible behind after their time with us. And it doesn’t make us less beautiful or less worthy.

— Zero-Two says that “you should only kiss the person you love, okay?” But… you two have already kissed.

— The other boys play a prank on Hiro, so we have to spend time with the lesser girls instead. Yawn.

— Wow, you make it sound so hot.

— Oh man, wait till you find out what else you can do with your mouths! Ten simple tricks to drive her wild!

— Also, Futoshi’s eyebrows look like walnuts or whatever.

— With Ichigo joining the party, I’m ready to move on from this scene. I don’t really want to bother with her blushing, stammering, and pretending that she doesn’t know what a kiss is. Liar.

— I don’t think that this is the Grand Crevasse that those guys were referring to, but it certainly looks like some sort of crevasse to plunge into. Apparently, Mitsuru went off on his own at some point and found this place. There’s like an entire forest in here.

— Goro admits that while he has fun with Ichigo, their relationship also hurts him sometimes. That doesn’t mean there isn’t love there, though. Love hurts, man. But it’s okay. Exercising hurts too, but it makes us better in the long run.

— At the end of the path, the kids stumble upon an old, abandoned city. It seems remnants of a long, lost civilization still remains. Have we… have we actually been on Earth this entire time? Is this our Planet of the Apes moment? But yes, this is a dystopian future — a dystopian future in which concepts like childbirth and babies are completely alien to our kids.

— The kids end up exploring a mansion that very much resembles their current boarding house. Ikuno speculates that perhaps their home has been modeled after these old buildings.

— This show is just rife with meme potential.

— Zero-Two doesn’t know that Ichigo has kissed Hiro, though. I wonder if she would honestly get mad if and when she finds out. Is she a jealous sort of person?

— Anime food. The funny part is that the food just showed up out of nowhere. Someone dropped by and set it all up… then just left the grill running. They were that confident that the kids would make it back in time before everything overcooked.

— There’s no honey on it, so Zero-Two just stares at her skewer with disinterest.

— Later that night, Hiro and Ichigo go on a walk and gaze at the constellations in the starry night sky. Apparently, he had made a childhood promise to her. I’m not really feeling the chemistry between them, though. Nothing here screams romance. Friends can make promises, too.

— Ichigo then tries to argue that the kiss they shared was important and special, too. But was it really? She said the kiss sucked. Why is she lying to herself? I mean, I know why but c’mon… give it up. She’s pouring her heart out to him, and yet, his mind is wandering. Sure, shooting stars are special. Shooting stars are one-of-a-kind events. But so are confessions. If I’m truly interested in a girl, and she’s telling me something important, I’m not going to interrupt her. It’s not like the shooting stars are going to disappear instantly if I wait a couple seconds to let her finish what she wants to say. The difficult truth that Ichigo won’t swallow is that Hiro just doesn’t think of her that way. Honestly, I really don’t want to go through an entire series with her competing hopelessly for Hiro’s affections. I understand why it’s necessary due to what Ichigo represents, but it’s still a drag. I hate love triangles or any other love polygons.

— Then we get a new, crappy ED. Boo. Bring back the old one. I really hope it’s just for this episode, because a montage of beach scenes wouldn’t make sense for any other episode.

Why, these two are like star-crossed lovers! 

— Marrine still cares about Alexis, but she refuses to be with him because her father died. That proved to her that she and Alexis were never meant to be. I think that’s pretty weak. She’s just giving her enemies exactly what they want. If you want to ape Romeo and Juliet, you’re going to have to do better than this. Now, if she said she was doing this in order to protect Alexis, i.e. those conspirators would target him next, then I’d understand her motivations a little better. But for now, it’s flimsy.

— Villar: “Do you two know how the marquis and Marrine first met?” No and I don’t really ca–… oh goddammit, he’s telling us anyway.

— It this gonna be an episode all about Alexis and Marrine? I sincerely hope not.

— Alexis is the persistent sort. The creepily persistent sort.

— I hate this sort of love anyway. There’s no real action here. All he’s done is written her a bunch of letters filled with flowery bullshit. Love is more than that. Love has to be more than that.

— And when I say action, I don’t mean this. This sort of thing is just self-indulgent.

— Oooh, he protected her from some impertinent young lord! How romantic~! She then kicked the jerk in the balls. Truly, a couple for the ages.

— Like Romeo and Juliet! O Alexis, Alexis! Wherefore art thou Alexis!

— Ew, now he’s got Alliance cooties all over him.

— By the way, we can’t forget that this is Villar’s retelling of their love story. One wonders how reliable he is as a narrator.

— Well, the love story finally ends, and we’ve already wasted half an episode. Long story short, she fell in love with Alexis for his ideals, but obviously, her convictions are not as strong as his. He’ll probably have to make her fall in love with him again. Maybe it’ll cost him his life.

— After the story is over, Siluca merely glances at Theo. I wonder what she’s thinking. Does she think that a love between her and Theo can also never be? As for the hero, he looks oddly determined as if Alexis and Marrine’s romance somehow falls under his purview.

— Pederico is expelled as we suspected.

— Ah, so much talking. Intriguing political maneuvering, this is not. Basically, people are mad that Villar helped Theo, but he argues his point.

— Eventually, the entire conference is in agreement to go to war with Alliance in order to defend Starck, and Alexis wants to give his powers over to Villar. Wants.

— Villar, however, declines to go to war with his own family. So in the end, powers falls back into Alexis’s hands. And with that, the lords continue to pursue peace… which ends up pissing the Alliance off, so Marrine goes forward with her war plans. She even intends to join the frontlines to prove that she’s a capable leader. Nothing happens without a reason, so this must be Villar’s desired outcome, no? And Alexis remains blameless, because as far as Marrine’s concerned, he wants peace. Oh well.

— It’s hard to get too emotionally invested in all this war stuff, because we’re missing the human element. When these nations go to war and these lands exchange hands, who truly suffers? The people. The soldiers, the farmers, the peasantry, so on and so forth. But we never get to see or spend time with the lower class. It’s always about lords and mages, soirees and conferences. The show makes a big deal about how Theo’s ideals and convictions are pure. After all, Siluca pledges herself to him simply because she believes he can unite the land and truly bring peace to the world. But that hope is incongruent with the story’s inexplicable erasure of the lower class.

Oh, you think El Dorado’s cool? Wait until you see El Dorado’s true form!

— The only interesting bit in the cold opening is that King’s own henchmen have no clue why he wants Sophie so badly.

— So GarEden merged with the company that is related to Sword’s sister’s death. Eh. I mean, it’s new news, but it’s not exactly earth-shattering news.

— Sword and Luke plan to infiltrate GarEden at night, but shouldn’t they wait for what’s-her-face? Gina. That’s right. Ah, these characters are so memorable. In any case, our heroes are heavily outnumbered. They may as well get all the help they can get. If time is of the essence, i.e. the enemy would eventually find them if they don’t move now, then why didn’t they wait for her to return before heading into El Dorado in the first place?

— Well, this pretty much says it all: “You can’t get much done if you worry about every little thing.” As a result, Sophie starts to order a ton of food… with what money, though? Ah right, don’t worry about every little thing. Uh-huh.

— Sophie’s hyping up her brother reeeeeeeal good. He’s so nice and perfect! He’s amazing! Man, I sure hope he hasn’t been corrupted and turned to evil.

— Man, this is such an important mission. In fact, the fate of the world hinges upon the success of this mission. Nevertheless, the Makai Order can only spare three of their own to take care of everything. If there had been a subplot about Garo Knights and Alchemists being assassinated, I’d understand why we’re so short-handed, but we don’t have anything like that in this series.

— When our heroes finally infiltrate GarEden, they find Queen’s plants all over the building. All of the programmers have also been killed. What a coincidence — the bad guys complete their project as soon as our heroes arrive.

— Why do our heroes even trust this “random” programmer? Why even take the random programmer with them? “Duh, he might know a thing or two about the place.” Uh-huh. Sure. You guys will defend anything.

— God, the character designs for the women suck so much this time. Gina looks terrible. Queen looks terrible. The waitress looks terrible. Sophie’s lucky that she’s still a child, so they can’t fuck her up either.

— See? Our heroes charge forward recklessly to fight Queen, so they can’t help but leave Sophie behind with a stranger.

— Queen doesn’t have any backstory. Neither does Bishop. And they’re really being coy about King’s identity. After nineteen episodes, we still have no clue what this guy looks like. The only reason to do this is if King’s identity is a plot twist, but it’d be so dumb if he’s actually someone we know. God, it’d be so dumb if he’s actually Sophie’s brother. Anyways, as I was saying… watching Queen jump headfirst into battle, all I can think is how I don’t know anything about her. Blah blah blah, we don’t need to know that. Pfft, speak for yourself.

— Oh hey, what do you know! Called it by a mile. Stupid… just stupid.

— Apparently, this creepster is a Garo Alchemist, which is why he didn’t set off their Horror radar. Doesn’t matter. You never should’ve taken your eyes off a defenseless child. In any case, his backstory is simple: he was exiled for experimenting on humans, but then Bishop took him in. Ho-hum.

— This is apparently the Holy Land, but I have no clue what I’m looking at. Looks like melonpan connected by wires. Then we got some reddish cauliflower thingie over here.

— Sophie runs away and eventually finds her brother’s office. His diary is also just sitting conveniently on his desk in case anyone ever wants to read it. Last minute tear-jerking never works, though. She also finds a box of letters signed by her, but she never wrote any of them.

— Look at these tubes. I think they’re supposed to look freaky or something, but it’s kinda silly. Sophie keeps asking about her brother, but the baddies refuse to answer her. Hmm.

— Going to the true El Dorado is apparently a one-way trip. So, um, we could just lock all the bad guys in there, right?

— Out of nowhere, Sword and Luke crash the party. Apparently, the latter had placed a tracking device on Sophie’s neck. So back to more fighting.

— Oh, would you look at that… the creepster was really just some tiny thing.

— Bishop sets off an explosion that consumes everything in fire. Sword has no choice but to don his armor in order to protect the girl, but this apparently makes him pass out. Luke was in the middle of fighting Queen, but she manages to disappear into a portal. How come they can keep doing that? You can’t just say magic. It’s lazy writing through and through.

— Bishop ends up throwing Sophie into the pink thing just as Sword somehow magically recovers. Naturally, he doesn’t get to the girl in time. He dives after her, but that just means they both enter true El Dorado. As we’ve been told, this is a place where dreams come true. Sophie sees her brother, and Sword stares at someone who might be his sister.

— Tune in next week to find out all about magical dream world!

— Garo – Vanishing Line didn’t need to be a 2-cour series. The narrative would’ve been so much tighter with half as many episodes. We wouldn’t be so fed up with the show’s storytelling if we didn’t have to spend so much time with it.