It was Earth all along! They’ve made monkeys out of all of us! But before we get to the truth behind everything, let’s deal with Dmitrie first.

— This feels more like the start of a Castlevania game than Record of Grancrest War.

— Like I said last week, Dmitrie would probably have an easier time of this if he didn’t insist on teleporting Theo’s entire crew along with the hero.

— Look at all these flower petals, though. How dramatic! Is Dmitrie going to try and win with flower power? I hope so!

— Why hello there, Mr. Underdeveloped Villain!

— So Dmitrie doesn’t want the Age of Chaos to end because he would lose all his powers (and thus his immortality). Likewise, a lot of greedy Lords and Mages wouldn’t want to give up their Crests and magic for peace. Theo, however, will fight for the people! Yeah, we need the Age of Cosmos so that the commoners will no longer have to suffer! But if you consider the death toll in this anime, the number of commoners who have had to die for Theo’s cause is probably immeasurable. I just find that amusing.

— The final battle kicks off, and all of a sudden, we’ve been transported to a cave-like area full of human skulls. Hm, okay.

— All of a sudden, Aeon shows up with what is supposedly Dmitrie’s actual body. If this seems random, it’s because it is random. You’ll see why in a second. Let’s just say, however, that I hate Aeon’s inclusion in this battle.

— Don’t like caves full of human skulls? How about space?! Space with rainbow colors!

— Aeon rips the heart out of Dmitrie’s real body, so the body begins to disintegrate. Unfortunately, this doesn’t stop Dmitrie’s shadows from continuing to attack our heroes. Plus, if this could actually work, why didn’t Aeon just do this right from the start? As soon as he found the damn coffin, he shouldn’t just killed the guy. But noooo, let’s drag the coffin all the way to the final battle just to make a big show of it. Ooops, didn’t work! So there’s problem number one with Aeon’s inclusion in this scene. We’ll get to problem number two a little later.

— The animation is oh-so-hot. Also, Theo continues to look really weak and useless compared to the rest of his crew. The only other person who doesn’t seem to be doing anything either is his dear fiancee.

— Eventually, our heroes slowly succumb to Dmitrie’s shadows, because just their mere touch alone will weaken you.

— This looks hilarious.

— I’m curious, however, as to why Aeon doesn’t transform into a wolf like his sisters.

— I don’t know what the fuck this is.

— Oh no, don’t hurt the poor loli wolf!

— With the werewolves subdued, it’s time to change the battlefield again. This time, Dmitrie turns the ground into blood. The shifting battlefield makes this all very video game-y. Nevertheless, our heroes slowly sink through the iron-rich fluid to their… deep, dark tentacle-y deaths?

— But alas, love conquers all!

— Not really. All of a sudden, Dmitrie gets vampire AIDS. But seriously, it’s just the Holy Grail. Theo can’t do anything. He only wins this battle by pulling Priscilla out of his ass and shoving her bright light into Dmitrie’s face. Priscilla’s light is so goddamn awesome that it’s even hurting the werewolves. Nevertheless, the vampire king is weakened enough that the werewolves can pounce on him. This time, we see Aeon in his wolf form. Nothing like a family effort.

— With the werewolves keeping Dmitrie down, Theo can somehow turn his sword bluish-green and strike the vampire king down for good.

— Unfortunately, not all of the good guys can make it out of here alive. Aeon bites it in the end, sacrificing everything he had to help save the day. Basically, the story needed someone to die, but it didn’t have the heart to kill anyone in Theo’s crew. We’ll just include this random fuck in the scene and have him die. The result of this, however, is that neither Irvin nor Aishela got to do anything cool. They were taken along for the ride, but other than the girl saying how she’s going to mamoru the hell out of Siluca, both of them got the spotlight stolen from them. I guess the author thought we’d be bummed if either of them died.

— There’s still one shadow left, but apparently, it’s harmless now. Okay, sure.

— And just like that, we’re back in Eramu. Alright, time to finish the job.

— Theo and Siluca end up entering the Mage Academy alone to confront Hubertus, another villain we really know little about. Our hero wants answers. Why preserve the Age of Chaos, why go to such lengths, blah blah blah. The old man simply directs them to the floating globe of darkness or whatever. When Theo and Siluca touch the thing, their minds are immediately whisked away to have a talk with Pandora.

— To make a long story short — which is pretty much this adaptation’s downfall, but let’s just roll with it — Record of Grancrest War basically takes place on Earth. Civilization was whizbang awesome, but as always, some foolish scientists always has to develop some crazy “energy” that ends up wiping out the planet! Yeah, there are parallels to nuclear energy here, but hey, to our credit, we haven’t blown ourselves up yet! Anyways, the Age of Chaos is kind of like self-imposed stagnancy. If humanity constantly has to fend off demons and demonic monsters, then it can never rest long enough to develop awesome technology. And without awesome technology, it can never create a bomb that can blow itself up. Great. I just think it’s kinda stupid, though. First, this is all a bit unoriginal, but that’s not the part that bothers me the most. Second, all of the magic in this show seems pretty fucking impressive to me. Why do we draw the distinction between tech-based powers and magic-based powers? Can you really convince me that someone can’t one day create a magic spell strong enough to destroy the world? C’mon. Third, what’s… what’s with the whole God bullshit? And the Holy Grail? And demons. Technology is a double-edged sword, so we just pulled a bunch of supernatural shit out of our asses to combat it? What? There’s just so much about Record of Grancrest War that remains unexplained. And sure, I could read supplementary material, but I shouldn’t have to do that in order to understand the basic crux of the story’s central conflict.

— Anyways, Pandora is not a real person. What we’re listening to here is nothing more than a recording. When Theo and Siluca return to the real world, our hero reiterates his desire to free people from the tyranny of Chaos. Hubertus probably already knew that Theo wouldn’t be swayed, so he had already consumed poison in order to commit suicide.

— Afterwards, Theo emerges from the Mage Academy to deliver a speech about his platform and policies. He insists that he will rule justly, and should any emperor ever fail to fulfill their obligations, the people have the right to overthrow them. Instead of doing that, maybe you could just have a representative government where people can vote in leaders and whatnot… I dunno, just a thought. Quick, someone research democracy! 36 more turns? We need to increase our science funding!

— All of the Lords in attendance pledge their loyalty to Theo, but he needs all of the Crests in order to forge the Grancrest… I assume. After all, we suddenly take a massive time skip. Three whole years later, we see Siluca being late to her own damn wedding. Yep, she and Theo don’t get married for another three fucking years. Not only that, Alexis and Marrine have also waited to tie the knot. It’s crazy! I guess all four of them collectively decided that they wouldn’t get married until they had collected each and every single Crest.

— I like how Marrine is not wearing white. She knows the score.

— Why a joint wedding though? Wouldn’t you want your own special day? Wouldn’t you want to two special occasions?

— Siluca is a bit awkward…

— The years have not treated Lady Edokia well.

— And after all these years, it looks like Aishela still doesn’t approve of Theo marrying her imouto.

— Afterwards, the Grancrest is finally forged. With that, Chaos also disappears from the world along with magic. This includes Cait Sith, who is now in Siluca’s arms. We barely know him, but he must have been important to the ex-mage as we see her shed a single tear.

— And for some reason, we get to see Priscilla once more, but this time, she’s completely in the nude. That’s a bit lewd for a holy woman.

— All across the continent, demonic beings disappear. And true to his word, Theo relinquishes the throne to Alexis. This way, he can retire to Sistina where he’s… uh, picking grapes. Yeah, he’s bringing happiness to his people by running a vineyard. I like how bright and colorful Theo and Siluca are, but the peasants are still in drab grey. They don’t even look like they belong in the same scene.

— We also see that the loli werewolf maids are still alive, but with Chaos out of the picture, are they just loli maids now? Eh, whatever.

— After all these years and all that they’ve been through, Siluca still refers to Theo as Theo-sama. Bruh.

— Hey, look at that rainbow! See? Anime is getting into pride month, too! Just kidding. The episode — and the entire series — ends with a kiss between Theo and Siluca. Welp, at least we have one happy couple in the books. Let’s see who else can survive their finales. Looking at you guys, HiroxZeroTwo,  MitsuyoshixTeresa, and JoexYuri. I’m probably forgetting another couple…

— This is a pretty bad adaptation. The animation is weak, but the story is even worse. Maybe the original source isn’t much better, but even so, A-1 Pictures tore massive holes out of it in order to fit a 24-episode schedule. Record of Grancrest War probably needs another full two-cour season to really say what it wants to say. Maybe even two. But this is what we get, and outside of Theo and Siluca’s extremely sparse romance — I was kinda surprised they hooked up so early in the series — there wasn’t much here for me to enjoy.

Final grade: D+

I’m just happy to remove this from my schedule. I’m sure some crappy summer show will happily step up to replace the gaping hole that Mahou Shoujo Site has left in our hearts, but I’ll worry about that when the time comes. Now, let’s wrap up Aya’s story.

— So there’s really nothing special about the King or the rest of the Administrators. Humanity is plagued by Bad Stuff. But look, if we cast a really powerful spell that practically wipes out all of humanity, we’ll get rid of Bad Stuff and that’s Good Stuff. Yawn.

— Since Tsuyuno is especially unfortunate, she gets to become an Administrator. I think that’s how that works. If I’m wrong, whatever. Who cares.

— Plus, they all have it pretty bad. Shouldn’t Aya also qualify to become an Administrator? Her life sucks. Yeah, present tense. It still sucks, yo.

— Eyeballs are creepy, yeah? So let’s stick one in our show. Becoming an Administrator isn’t really a choice. No matter what Tsuyuno wants, the King is going to turn her into one of those lame, black-and-white freaks. By the way, they’re all girls. No matter what it looks like, these dorks are all girls. The King is called the King, but it used to be a girl. I don’t know what this means, though. Sure, we could say that women in general have been treated worse than men throughout history, but I really doubt Mahou Shoujo Site is that interested in making any sort of social statement.

— So back in the real world, Aya sends the rest of her friends away, because she doesn’t want any of them to get hurt. This is what she had initially planned to do anyways. They only ended up in this predicament because the other girls had insisted that teamwork would somehow work. See? Screw teamwork!

— When Aya turns around, however, she sees that Tsuyuno is back and in charge! Hey, wait a minute, she looks nothing like Nana.

— It turns out Tsuyuno still has to pass one more test to become a full-fledged Administrator; she has to kill Aya. Look, this is just giving our heroine the opportunity to save her friend. You know exactly how this is going to play out now. You all do. Aya’s going to endanger herself in order to reach Tsuyuno’s heart, then Tsuyuno will snap out of her funk. Then together, the two girls will bring Nana down! But seriously, what’s the point of watching the rest of the episode if it’s going to be this predictable?

— Plus, when characters die in anime, I usually think there’s a good chance that they’ll come back. After all, most of these shows are not downers. Mahou Shoujo Site relishes misery, though. So it’s especially lame that Tsuyuno is going to somehow survive this whole ordeal. Like really? You’re going to torture the hell out of these girls, you’re going to go for a happy ending now? Haha, okay.

— It’s pretty lame that Tsuyuno’s new powers consists of shooting giant, red balls at her friend.

— No matter how many times I look at this, I still think it’s gross.

— Side note: Yakuza Girl still has her hands full with the massive throng of Absolute Units, but this time, she has help from Witch Girl.

— Back to Aya and Tsuyuno, however… hey, get down from there! Mahou shoujos don’t belong on walls!

— And now, we have black balls! Whee!

— Aya could honestly escape at any time, but of course, she’s going to stay and fight. She needs to help her frieeeeeeeend. But before we get on with the rest of the story, we need to sort out the B-plot.

— All of those clones can just pile on top of each other in order to chase after Yakuza Girl. But I mean, can nobody else see this? How is the rest of Japan not seeing this? Are you trying to tell me that there isn’t a single Japanese soul that is currently awake at this hour besides our mahou shoujos and these Administrators?

— It’s now a black penis with faces. How is it that no one else can see this massive black penis blocking out the sky?

— Eventually, Witch Girl drops Yakuza Girl off of a tall tower. I don’t know why she has to take off her shirt, though. Anyways, there’s a thunderstorm going — since when? — so Yakuza Girl is going to charge up her katana with the power of lightning. Why is she not getting shocked, though?

— And with her electrically-charged sword, Yakuza Girl slays the black penis! And no, this scene is not animated! You are staring at a still image! Good job, uh… who the hell animated this? production doA? I’ve never even heard of them. Oh well, at least the black penis is dead for good.

— Okay, let’s get back to the main attraction. Aya eventually ends up behind Tsuyuno and teleports both of them to…

— …the beach! Yeah! ‘Cause they promised each other to visit the beach again! See? Friendship! Pinkie promises! Surely, this will reach Tsuyuno’s cold, lifeless heart!

— When Tsuyuno fires yet another red marble — they’re actually reminding me of the Energy of Destruction from Dragon Ball — Aya teleports it into the sea. The resulting explosion creates a giant pillar of water and green light. Don’t you see, Tsuyuno? Don’t you seeeeeeee?

— Unfortunately, when Aya walks up close to Tsuyuno, her former friend starts choking her out. Even so, our heroine insists that she’s happy now. She doesn’t hate the world now. She doesn’t resent her life now. So she turns her stick on herself and this sends…

— …Aya into Tsuyuno’s fragile and vulnerable heart?

— And now, our heroine will save her best friend with the power of love! Love is literally shaped as a pink heart. Literally.

— Back in the real world, Tsuyuno snaps out of it, but oh no, maybe she’s too late! Nah. C’mon, this show wouldn’t kill off its heroine. Hell, the manga is still ongoing, so there’s no way Aya would bite it here. I just hate these cheap attempts at fake deaths, though. I’ve resented them ever since Final Fantasy IV.

— Together, Aya and Tsuyuno trap Nana in front of a moving train. All Tsuyuno has to do is let time flow again and the Administrator will bite it. I love how Nana doesn’t even look like herself here. Did my job, boss. Drew the villain.

— But with that, Nana is gone. In fact, the whole team managed to take down three Administrators in one night! Too bad there’s still a ton of them.

— Speaking of the other Administrators, they are all girls. Even this thing. Also, King isn’t the least bit fazed about any of the recent developments. I guess Nana isn’t all that important.

— I also like how the evil bully who used to relentlessly go after Aya is now friends with a girl who used to hunt and kill other mahou shoujos. I guess they’re good guys now. Er, good girls.

— We just have one last loose end to wrap up. Evil detective finally finds the time to pay Kaname a visit, and the evil brother is chained up naked in some sort of dark, evil dungeon. Also, the evil detective has an entire wall full of magical sticks. Oh, but the fun doesn’t stop there.

— Yep, the evil detective is about to rape Kaname in the ass. Why? Just because. I mean, what do you expect from this morally bankrupt show? Serial murderers like Rina just get to have a second chance. Meanwhile, Mahou Shoujo Site is confident that you won’t be outraged by Kaname’s rape, because he’s a bad person himself. It’s like how people like to joke about prison rape. People aren’t inherently evil, but they’re often too lazy to engage their empathy. They’re so afraid of feeling bad that they’d rather turn tragedy into jokes instead. And sure, dark humor has its moments, but a lot of times, that turns into crass disregard for human life. For instance, there’s nothing really funny about Kaname’s rape. For the most part, there’s only indifference.

— But hey, happy ending!

— The episode ends with this stinger, but all I can do is roll my eyes. I know nothing about this loli.

— Mahou Shoujo Site is surprisingly boring despite its subject matter. I mostly expected the show to disgust me with its torture porn. I did not, however, expect so many of the episodes to be jam-packed with exposition. Girls would often just sit around and talk about the plot. For a show that boasts sad mahou shoujos, this is a huge fuck up. In the end, however, it contributes to the world’s overall misfortune, so for that, it gets a…

Final grade: D

Alright, let’s pick up the pieces. Time to ganbatte it up and try super hard! 

— In this meeting with the top brass of the police department — and they are apparently all men — everyone begrudgingly admits that they took a big blow from recent events. The Symbol of Peace is dead, the League of Villains only gets stronger with every defeat, blah blah blah.

— Apparently, after Nana’s husband died, she put her own son into foster care, because she didn’t want to get him involved in the hero world. Ugh. Ugh. That’s so terrible. I’m not going to say that it wasn’t a hard choice for her to make, but holy shit, how could you abandon your own kid? This is why a lot of superheroes in other stories often disguise their true identity. Since they also want to have a private life, it just makes sense. But this concept seems completely alien to the MHA universe. As a result, these selfish heroes — yeah, they’re selfish — keep pumping out children even though they’re neck deep in super villains. Of course, one has to give, and from a utilitarian standpoint, it makes sense to choose the good of society over your own kid… but ugh.

— If Shigaraki is going to be redeemed, I doubt All Might’s going to be the one to do it. If anything, I expect it to cost him his actual life. Look, someone important’s going to have to die at some point in this series.

— Oh look, it’s Todoroki’s sister. We’ve seen her before, but since she has a minor role, I have almost forgotten what she looks and sounds like. Everyone in the family has silly hair.

— Todoroki peeks in on his father, and this looks stupidly reckless. I don’t doubt that his dad doesn’t want the number one hero position by default. Setting fire to your own home and smashing stuff out of rage, though… dude, you’re an adult. Grow up.

— Christ, all of the father figures in this show are kinda… yeah…

— Three punches in his muscle form is all that All Might can handle nowadays. Luckily, the blood here is mostly for comedy.

— Anyways, in this highly-charged moment, All Might reiterates his desire to raise Deku properly. I mean, what else can he do? He set the kid on this path, so he’s got to see it through to the end. He’s got to make sure Deku is ready for the same career that he just had to endure. The kid is, however, a million miles away from filling All Might’s giant shoes. But hey, that’s why this show is a shounen! I bet we have hundreds of episodes to go before Deku and his friends become full-fledged pros. I’ll probably throw in the towel long before then.

— Apparently, Best Jeanist will be out of commission for a while. As for Ragdoll, she may as well retire. We hardly knew ye. But seriously, they should’ve had this happen to a more notable character. It would’ve been more tragic. Unfortunately, bad stuff only seems to happen to unimportant nobodies, so the emotional impact is blunted.

— So Nezu wants to convert U.A. into an all-dorm school, but since they keep fucking up as instructors, they’ll need to go and meet the parents face-to-face. It’s kinda fun to see some of the kids’ parents.

— Oh hey, it’s Bakugo’s mom. Most people will drool over her MILF status, but I can’t help but focus on how she likes to communicate with her son by yelling. We now know where the kid gets his shitty attitude from. It doesn’t help that her husband looks completely spineless.

— Afterwards, Bakugo wants to know more about the relationship between Deku and All Might, but the latter is not forthcoming. Oh well.

— So far, it has been smooth sailing for both All Might and Aizawa. Unfortunately, Deku’s mother is naturally protective of her son. I’m more surprised that the other parents don’t seem to have more issues with Nezu’s latest stunt. As a result, she’s changed her mind and no longer wishes to have Deku attend U.A. It’s too dangerous (it is!), the teachers can’t protect the students (they can’t!), and if Deku wants to be a hero so badly, he could attend a different school (he should!). Her worries and concerns are all understandable. My only quibble is that she didn’t discuss this privately with Deku beforehand. Sure, she changed her mind overnight, but it’s not as if All Might showed up out of nowhere. As a family, she had time to discuss this with her son before his teacher arrived. She shouldn’t have sprung this on him.

— Deku is determined to be a hero, so he’ll do whatever it takes. If this means he can’t attend U.A., then so be it. This impresses All Might greatly, so he goes into his muscle form even though this would hurt him. He then bows to both Deku and his mother, promising that he’ll do all he can to raise the kid properly. Uh huh.

— Um, phrasing…

— In the end, Deku’s mother relents, so the status quo won’t change at all. But boy, wouldn’t it have been interesting to see the kid in a whole new environment, learning from whole new teachers, and making whole new friends? It would’ve been bold. Unfortunately, most shounens are not known for their boldness. It’s no surprise at all that his mother would eventually fold.

— But yeah, we’ll get to see the kids move into the dorms next week and bunk up with their buddies.

— After the credits, there’s a short scene with All For One, but… screw him. He sucks and his successor sucks.

The good news is that Zero Two can still be saved. For now, anyways. Yay. The bad news is that Hiro will have to go up into space to get her mind back. Welp. At first, Zero Two keeps wandering away from her room and looking up to the sky. Also, mysterious cuts and bleeding wounds would appear on her body out of nowhere, and Hiro can’t figure out what’s happening to his beloved. Only when they finally touch horns (his are blue like the klaxosaurs) does he finally understand: Zero Two is still up there. She’s still fighting with the rest of her brethren. Unfortunately, every damage that Strelizia suffers is transferred onto Zero Two’s body, but we know this already. We know that the pistil mind and body is one and the same with the FRANXX. Nevertheless, Zero Two has inherited the duties of the Princess, and she’s making sure that VIRM can never return to threaten the planet ever again. That’s what I assume, anyways. I don’t know for sure why her mind remains trapped in Strelizia, but that’s my theory for now. After all, it’s a nice way for our heroine’s character arc to conclude. After fighting for herself all series long — murdering both humans and klaxosaurs alike just to find her darling — Zero Two will now fight for the fate of the entire planet.

Naturally, Hiro isn’t going to abandon Zero Two, and why would he?. It should surprise no one that he’s going to blast off into space to get his darling back. Maybe he can’t get her back. Maybe they’ll both die up there. But either way, they’ll be together, and much to the rest of Squad 13’s chagrin, Hiro wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t think he’d trade the lives of his friends for Zero Two, but he certainly isn’t content to live out the rest of his life without her. He’d gladly die for her, because… well, take it straight from the horse’s mouth: “If Zero two won’t smile for me, I might as well be dead.” You can’t get any simpler than that. His motives aren’t hard to understand at all. Hiro and Zero Two made a promise to each other, and more importantly, he’s always been this way. Since the very start of the series, he has always been useless without Zero Two. He can’t “fly” without his counterpart, so it’s no wonder that he would recklessly charge into a battle without a real plan. As a result, it surprises me that Goro is so shocked by Hiro’s decision. Well, I kinda am and I’m kinda not.

I don’t think Goro really wanted to get on Hiro’s case. I think he’s just stressed out. I don’t agree with resorting to violence, but everyone is on edge. I can forgive Goro a bit for punching Hiro. After all, everything is falling apart around them. They’re running low on food, so they’re trying to grow vegetables with their own hands. It’s back to rustic living. Unfortunately, the planet has turned into a barren wasteland. There are consequences to depleting Earth’s natural resources (hint hint), so despite the kids’ best efforts, all of their crops are dying. And before, they’re running low on power and drinkable water. Hell, they’re still depending on magma energy. What choice have they got? It’s not like they can just build a nuclear power plant out of nowhere. It’s not like they can just erect a bunch of windmills and hope for the best. These kids are in for a rough time. It’s enough to make Goro and Ichigo wonder if they’ve made a mistake in choosing freedom. Sure, being exploited by Papa sucked, but this sucks too. Don’t worry, though. Goro and Ichigo don’t actually want to go back to the way things were. Like I said, they’re just stressed.

In the end, those two remain confident that everything will work out. It’ll have to, because it is confirmed that Kokoro is pregnant. Not only that, color is fading from Ikuno’s hair. I don’t know if that’s an omen or not, but it’s enough to make anyone uneasy. Even Ichigo, who has been so tough up until this point, is losing strength. Last but not least, the new Nana sucks. She still insists on following Papa’s orders. That’s how bad it is. Luckily, things start to pick up for the kids in the second half of the episode. First, Hachi has brought the old Nana back. Even though the woman is still lost and confused about the current situation, Dr. Franxx apparently has the utmost confidence in her to handle everything. He knew he would die relatively soon one day, so he left instructions for Hachi and a message for Nana. At the very least, even though these kids have lost their Papa, they still have their Mama. Second, Hachi and Goro discover that Mistilteinn is still intact. Since its soil is still good enough for planting crops, our kids will just have to make a long trek back to their home. We also can’t forget the fish swimming in the compound’s various rivers and streams. Hopefully, there are enough resources for everyone and not just Squad 13.

Basically, having taking some tough blows, things are finally looking up for the kids. There’s a tiny glimmer of hope that they’ll make it, and this lifts everyone’s spirits. This is why it’s so hard for him to understand Hiro’s motives right off the bat. It’s like, “Dude, we’re barely going to make it, and now you want to fuck off into space? To Mars? C’mon, we need you.” But once the wave of anger and confusion subsided, the team decided that they couldn’t just let Hiro go alone. Most of the gang will go up there with him. Plus, they sort of owe it to Zero Two. I mean, without her, VIRM would’ve blown up the planet. Without her, they’d still be slaves to Papa. So yeah, Hiro’s decision is obvious, but the rest of Squad 13 also have an obligation to fulfill. Obviously, a pregnant woman can’t fight, so Kokoro will stay behind on Earth. And likewise, Mitsuru has to take responsibility for his actions, so he needs to stay behind as well. But to replace them, we have the Nines. They are copies of Zero Two, but they’re imperfect copies. Their bodies can’t hold up with just food alone. They need “maintenance,” whatever that is. All we need to know for now is that they want to fight as well. Papa abandoned them, so they may as well help Hiro take it to VIRM and maybe save their sister.

At the end of the day, the original Princess and the rest of the klaxosaurs know that they can’t let VIRM get away. That happened last time, and the consequences were dire. VIRM came back, enslaved humanity, and wrecked the planet. With the kids barely able to survive in their brave new world, it would be easy for VIRM to return once more and finish the job. The klaxosaurs have to end this war once and for all, and they have to do it now. They have nothing left to lose anyways. The last of the klaxo sapiens is dead, and their civilization is bust. They may as well give it their all and make sure VIRM never returns. The Princess even tells Hiro this. Even without Papa, the kids’ mission is still the same: you fight or you die. That’s why it doesn’t make sense for the able-bodied children to sit back and do nothing either. They can’t just leave their fates in the hands of others. Most of all, this series can’t end without a big blow out fight, and last week’s conclusion just doesn’t cut it. Even though DARLING in the FRANXX has focused far more on character drama than being a mecha, it still has the genre trappings of the latter. So c’mon, how can this not end in space?

Misc. notes & observations:

— Everyday, more and more klaxosaurs leave for space. I gotta hand it to them, man. They’re really dedicated to this cause. Screw VIRM. They’re such shitty villains that they don’t really deserve mercy. But seriously, I’m still a bit let down by that reveal. Sure, it’s not going to ruin my enjoyment of the show, but it was still lame.

— “Say, ‘Ahh’?” Dude, why are you feeding her like a baby?

— The food looks as bad as ever.

— And Kokoro is as pregnant as ever.

— I know the new Nana has been brainwashed, but seriously, does she not understand the current situation? Like, at all? Yeah, she can’t act without Papa’s approval, but what Papa? C’mon, lady, Papa is gone! He’s fucked off! Either you do something to survive or you die.

— Plus, I don’t know why Goro is even bothering to ask the new Nana for her permission at all. All the adults have ever done is use and exploit them. Just forget her and what she has to say. Take over the facility and take charge. But at the end of the day, these children still can’t do anything without the adults. More importantly, they’re not ready to become adults themselves.

— I’m curious about the rest of the adult humans… you know, the ones living in those gilded cities of nothing. Surely, they’re still around, right? And what are their thoughts on the current situation? Do they care at all or have their minds been too drugged out to feel anything?

— This is apparently one gnarly ball of VIRM soldiers.

— Here are Kokoro’s vitals if anyone cares. It’s interesting to see that their code name is really just one small part of one long string. Her full codename is actually “FP40-T3NL-556.”

— The new Nana tells the girl that she could just abort the baby, but I doubt that’s going to happen.

— Congratulations to our newest and only dad! Mitsuru gets to be a real papa!

— What’s sad is how everyone continues to look to Hiro for guidance. Even though Ichigo is their leader, he has always kind of maintained his position as their emotional leader. Unfortunately, Hiro has his own shit to deal with, and ultimately, these kids need to grow up without him. They can’t always turn to him forever. When we become adults, we blaze our own paths in life and go our separate ways. As depressing as it might sound, rarely do groups of friends stay together forever.

— They’re doing a bang up job with the skies in this week’s episode. Even if the planet is barren, it still has some pretty horizons to look at.

— Whatever they did to the old Nana, it initially confined her to a wheelchair. Luckily, we’ll see her get out of it later on. It does take the woman a while get her groove back, but she’s the only one who truly cares about these children. Hell, she’s the only adult who seemingly still has the ability to empathize.

— If anything, they still have a huge repository of knowledge. They’ll just have to tap into it somehow.

— Nana wants to know why Hachi didn’t just leave her behind. All he can do is give her a look. He can’t say anything. Maybe he does feel something for her, but it’s buried so deep within him that the thoughts can’t come out. Oh well. Baby steps. For now, however, he fills the stereotypical role of the emotionally unavailable father.

— Hachi and Nana also stumble upon a storage room full of “defunct” children. The ones that aren’t good enough to become Parasites are sent here. That’s right, Naomi is still alive and kick–… well, not exactly kickin’, but she’s still present and accounted for. I’m sure she’d love to see Hiro again.

— No one can really blame Mitsuru for failing to give Kokoro proper support. After all, they’ve both had their memories erased. Still, she definitely needs someone.

— Again, someone rushes to Hiro for guidance, but his mind is elsewhere. He’s worried about Zero Two and only Zero Two. This time, however, we get a clue about where those mysterious cuts are coming from. Yup, up there.

— It turns out Zero Two never finished the storybook. She left out the ending to the fairy tale, because she couldn’t bear to see it come to fruition. Well, it happened anyways, and Hiro will now have to draw the rest of the story. What else can the prince do but go and look for his beloved? Japanese stories are obsessed with fate and how one’s destiny can rarely ever be altered, but he still has a chance to subvert that.

— But speaking of the fairy tale, I kinda wish we knew more about the person who was so kind to Zero Two back then. I guess she was just an adult who happened to still have her heart.

— Hiro won’t have a FRANXX to pilot, but it’s not like he has a partner to fly with anyway. All he can do is rely on a klaxosaur spaceship that he knows nothing about.

— After all the drama in the first half of the series, Ichigo doesn’t have the heart to voice her objections. Of course she doesn’t want him to go on this suicide mission, but maybe she feels as though she doesn’t even have the right to say anything. After all, if it had been her in Zero Two’s place, she would want Hiro to go after her, wouldn’t she? Hiro already chose Zero Two long ago, so there’s no point arguing about it.

— Ah, it’s the drama-free club… kinda. Honestly, Miku and Zorome got off easy. They don’t really have the emotional issues that the others are going through.

— As for Goro and Ichigo, their relationship hasn’t really made any progress since he confessed to her, but they’re still in this together. If they survive the series’ conclusion, maybe Ichigo will finally decide to lean on Goro a little more. It wouldn’t hurt him to be a little more assertive either. I mean, he’s just going to confess once and that’s it?

— Man, the Nines kinda look like ugly vampires now. Plus, there’s only three of them left? What happened to the long-haired ones that are always wearing face masks? I know of them died, but what about the others?

Makoto’s sentiment would make more sense in a longer adaptation. In this specific one, however, she’s only spent like… what? Two whole episodes with the gang? And she already feels like she belongs? Sheesh. Yeah, sure, these past two episodes actually cover a huge chunk of in-game time, but this doesn’t make the adaptation any less dissatisfying to watch. Ah well, this seems to be a major problem for a lot of anime adaptations lately. They actually end up being too short to tell the story that they want to tell. But enough about that. Let’s get on with the rest of the episode.

— Y’know, maybe getting into a relationship with Makoto is a bad idea simply because Ren has to tell Sae everything. I mean, would you really want to tell a public prosecutor that you’re hooking up with her little sister? Yeaaaah, let’s not.

— Nevertheless, here he is, making plans to level up his social link with Makoto.

— This Ren is actually focusing a lot on his friendship with Ryuji. Maybe Ann and Yusuke are being saved till later. Maybe never. I know a lot of people think that Ann is very basic personality-wise, but eh, I prefer realism over super hacker imouto who memes it up and loves anime. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, we’ll get to her soon enough.

— This is kind of a lazy way to approach dungeon crawling.

— A lot of people dislike the confusing maze in one palace (it never bothered me) or the nonstop rat escapades in another one, but Kaneshiro’s Palace is by far my least favorite. It’s just so boring to look at.

— During their downtime, Ann and Makoto make amends so that they can move forward as teammates. I actually can’t remember if this scene takes place in the game or not. I think it did. Either way, unless the adaptation builds on this relationship, this moment will just feel like a throwaway scene.

— We then see the two girls excel in battle with their newfound teamwork. That would’ve been cool to have in the actual game, I guess. Kinda reminds me of the joint attacks in Persona 4: Golden. Since I tended to have Chie and Yukiko in my active party a lot, I can’t even count the number of times I saw their Twin Dragon move. Y’see, this was yet another feature that never got carried over to P5, so sometimes, the game felt like a step back from its predecessors.

— What a lousy TV in this day and age.

— And now we get to see Ren and Makoto at the arcade. It’s funny, because they still haven’t stolen Kaneshiro’s treasure. You can’t start her social link yet. It’s the same way with all of the characters. You can’t level up your relationship with Ann until you beat Kamoshida. The idea is that they’re too focused on the task at hand to really hang out. Sure, it’s not a big deal narrative-wise, but shhh…

— Sure feels like they want Makoto to be the canon love interest, though. Unfortunately, even in these small, one-on-one moments, Ren has very little to say. The girl is dominating the conversation.

— This time? Have you forgotten the rapey PE teacher? C’mon, Ann.

— Yo, when are they gonna localize this adaptation? I would totally watch it again just to hear the English voice acting.

— Kaneshiro turning into a fly is pretty amusing.

— Hm, our not-so-mysterious individual is watching everything.

— Again, I don’t particularly care for Kaneshiro’s Palace, but I did like fighting the giant piggy bank. I thought it was fun and inventive. Not hard, unfortunately. Nothing in either Persona 4 or 5 is hard. Persona 3, on the other hand, had some tricky bosses to deal with… especially since you couldn’t control your own party members and stop them from being abject idiots. Luckily, it’s a JRPG, so overleveling is always a viable option.

— Y’know, I think P3‘s super boss is also the hardest of the three… you also have to fight her solo.

— The gimmick here is that you can distract Kaneshiro with expensive items. I was too protective of my Beads and Chewing Souls, though. Hey man, I need those! I need every single SP-recovering item there is! It’s okay, we can eat the big damage.

— For obvious reasons, however, the adaptation doesn’t want to have the characters throw a bunch of random junk onto the battlefield. Narrative-wise, it just doesn’t make sense. The adaptation hasn’t made any mention whatsoever of recovery items. Do you really want them to try and explain why a Bead is so valuable? So instead, the adaptation just has Ann set fire to Kaneshiro’s fat sacks of money. That works, I guess.

— Y’know, I really thought a giant metallic piggy would be weak to electric attacks. Unfortunately, none of the bosses in P5 are actually weak to any elements.

— So many remixes in this episode…

— Lots of baton passing, too. If you’ve never played the game, however, you might be wondering why these characters keep high-fiving each other in battle.

— Ryuji kinda looks like he has a Hitler ‘stache in this scene.

— In the adaptation, this is the first time that the kids hear about the individual with the black mask. In the game, however, Madarame mentions him first. Again, I’m not sure why they felt this change was necessary.

— Oh well, that’s another stolen treasure and three palaces down. We still have four to go… five if you count the final dungeon, but it’s not really as elaborate as the others. In any case, the adaptation is going to have to pick up the pace.

— “Beneath the Mask” is playing during this scene, and it’s a great song. It’s even the vocal version.

— Dude, Kobayakawa’s head is like two times bigger than hers in volume.

— Makoto’s eyes look a little crazy here. Her sister’s eyes don’t fare much better. Yeesh, step your game up, CloverWorks.

— You are starting to see signs that Sae is not exactly the respectable adult that she has made herself out to be. There’s nothing wrong with climbing the career ladder, but public servants should be held to a higher standard. She’s not content with just locking away a major crimelord. Instead, Sae’s pissed that she can’t milk this opportunity for a promotion. What a shame. Luckily, Makoto has found a new source of inspiration in life.

— Looks like we’ll be spending time with both Akechi and Yusuke in next week’s episode. I imagine the story will also have to start introducing the next character to join the Phantom Thieves of Heart. It’s not like we’ve got a lot of time to dawdle.

— In the after credits scene, we can see Ren leveling his social link with the Twin Wardens. It’s rather simple, really. Provided you understand fusion mechanics and have some money to burn. As for the Twin Wardens themselves, I didn’t find them very interesting. They’re not as bad as Margaret, who was completely devoid of personality, but they’re not as charismatic as Elizabeth either. Oh well, it’s not like they have a lot to work with. The two girls are stuck in the Velvet Room, and there’s not much you can do with that.

— All in all, this week’s episode is another middling effort from CloverWorks.

Seriously, just play the damn game. 

— Again, this show tries too hard to portray Pito as some evil, psycho woman. But repeat after me: it’s… just… a… game!

— Pito’s sword is actually double-bladed. Unfortunately, she doesn’t go Darth Maul (or Exar Kun for you super Star Wars nerds out there) on everyone. She only uses the other blade once to drill a hole through two of her enemies. Also, that guy’s line is laughable. Of course it’s fun for her to kill them! It’s a game! What are you supposed to do? Not enjoy your time in GGO?

— After watching Pito take out six people by herself, Karen suddenly loses her nerve. If you think about it logically, MMTM foolishly charged into a choke point without any understanding of Pito’s capabilities. Of course they would die. But sure, sure, Pito’s suuuuuuch a monster. She’s sooooooo scary.

— See? The show is trying so hard. Karen ends up having a nightmare about Pito in the middle of a game. We’re talking about a game!

— Anyways, with MMTM out of the picture, three of the four remaining teams are still stuck in one place. T-S is content to just ride this out, which is the smart but incredibly boring thing to do. Oh well. I don’t see how they don’t win at this point. Karen and Pito are going to go all out on each other, and the winner of that duel won’t have much left.

— For some reason, both Miyu and the remaining members of SHINC have decided to charge Pito and M headfirst. Miyu has even tied Karen’s shoelaces to one of her grenade launchers to prevent our heroine from interfering. I think they want to reawaken Karen’s fighting spirit, and somehow, being foolishly reckless is going to accomplish that. Shrug.

— My problem here is that no one here acts like they’ve ever played a shooter before. Nevertheless, I’m supposed to believe that SHINC is one of the top teams on the entire server. But c’mon, they’re shooting at a log cabin. They’re wasting time, energy, and bullets shooting at a fucking log cabin. Like what? Apparently, if two sniping assholes want to camp in one place and pick you off one-by-one, all you can do is charge! No flashbangs, no nothing! Just do it! Just run in and die!

— And there was one–… whoops, nevermind. She didn’t last long. That was fruitful.

— When we cut back to Karen, she’s still trying to untie her shoelaces. For fuck’s sake, just get out your knife and cut them. Jesus Christ, you are all dumb as hell.

— Miyu’s the only one left, and Pito is having grand ol’ time picking off the loli’s limbs. Gee, what a psycho.

— You did all you could? But you didn’t do anything!

— After watching almost all of her friends die, Karen finally loses it and decides to just play the damn game. Enough cowering, enough trembling… just play. If Pito wants to kill herself in real life for some stupid arbitrary reason, this is way above Karen’s pay grade anyways! Seriously! Again, why are we so confident that M is even telling the truth? And even if he is telling the truth, you’re not going to fix a crazy girl’s problems through a game.

— Then again, who’s really the crazy one here? I mean, Karen’s the only one who thinks she can talk to her gun.

— Anyways, our heroine ends up running away from the battlefield. Obviously, she wants Pito to come after her. M balks at the idea, but his partner swiftly kicks him in the balls. He supposedly loves her in real life. Yep.

— Pito gets what she wants, so she’s charging after Karen on top of a car. When M doesn’t drive fast enough for her liking, she kicks him in the head. He just takes her punishment without a word of protest. What a masochist.

— Eventually, Karen turns around and charges at the car. At the last second, however, she uses her loli-ness to duck beneath the car. Pito and M end up careening off a cliff. Finally, someone uses some strategy. Unfortunately, Karen didn’t pick a very high cliff, so her enemies are perfectly A-OK. Whoops.

— Time for Plan B! What’s Plan B? Let’s jump up into the air and shoot directly into the car!

— But don’t let all those sparks fool you. Karen misses everything. Like holy shit, how are you that bad?

— Pito then gets to fire back, and she gets Karen good. Sigh.

— Karen’s health is slowly dwindling, but you can clearly see that Miyu is almost topped off. So right on cue, a grenade comes out of nowhere and creates a huge distraction. Miyu arrives in the other car just in time to save her best friend.

— Apparently, you need an in-game license to drive one of these cars. I forgot about that. That’s also stupid, but again, whatever. That’s just SAO for ya.

— After a high-octane car chase — and I’ll have to admit that I found it pretty entertaining — both cars eventually run out of gas. Miyu and M ram each other, and in the aftermath, we have Karen charging headfirst at Pito with P-chan as her shield. Of course, you could just take out Karen’s legs, but shhhhh, let’s just pretend that Pito can’t aim all of a sudden.

— Finally, Karen gets to step on Pito’s face, which only seems to delight the latter. They’re all nutjobs.

— And we’ll end this episode with a loli trying her best to strike a cool pose. Oh my god, I can’t even. I’m done. End post.

I guess that’s it. Wotakoi is not particularly romantic. It’s not particularly funny either. It also doesn’t really have a plot. Nor is it really insightful. After all, it portrays a very narrow range of otaku love. None of the couples are any good at communicating, and they’re all content to move at a snail’s pace. And sure, you don’t have to conform to society’s measure of true love, but at times, it doesn’t even feel like these characters are right for each other. They certainly don’t always love and support one another as much as they should (looking at you, Taro). So y’know what? I honestly can’t recommend this show at all. It’s just not satisfying on any level unless you like really shallow otaku references. I don’t need drama, but none of these relationships seem to make any serious progress. The best that we get is Taro swallowing his manly pride and reading one of Hanako’s BL manga. Seriously, that’s it. But hey, if that’s your thing, then go hog wild on the anime. Personally, Wotakoi really let me down. I wasn’t expecting a winner, but I expected better than this.

Final grade: C-

Misc. notes & observations:

— Back in high school, Taro and Hanako used to act like they really hated each other, but look at them now! They can read manga together on a lazy afternoon. The guy will even get her a fresh cup of coffee! Wow! What progress!

— Afterwards, she suggests a fun date for just the two of them, but Taro absentmindedly adds that it would be fun to go with everyone. Well, Hanako doesn’t want to go with everyone, so she makes a face. But does she tell him that? No, of course not. She just gets mad at him for not being able to read her mind. Is Taro normally an insensitive clod? Sure. But he’s not gonna change if she doesn’t communicate. The problem with this show is that it isn’t really interested in solutions to common relationship problems. It simply wants to add an otaku flavor to age-old relationship stereotypes.

— Speaking of communication, Narumi has decided to pay Hirotaka a visit. It’s an unannounced visit, though. As a result, she worries that he might want her around. She worries that he might think of her as a bother. You know how you could solve this problem? By communicating with him. Sure, she might want her visit to be a surprise, but that’s still easy to circumvent. Just ask him beforehand if he has a problem with her showing up unannounced. That’s not so hard, is it?

— The show’s animation is so inconsistent.

— Anyways, when Narumi gets to Hirotaka’s apartment, nobody answers the door. For some reason, the door is unlocked, and she quickly finds the guy collapsed on the ground. But this is Wotakoi, so the guy isn’t in any serious danger. He simply collapsed because he played games so much that he forgot to eat. Haha, what an otaku!

— This sounds like my kind of fridge. Who needs more than bacon and onions? Just kidding. If he had eggs, she could at least make an omelette. Or a scramble if she sucks at omelettes.

— Apparently, this is the first time that Narumi is cooking for Hirotaka, which sends her for a loop. I don’t know how long they’ve been dating, though. I don’t really think this is a big deal. Not everyone can cook (even though home-cooking is just following simple instructions).

— Narumi can’t believe that Hirotaka doesn’t have any salt and pepper, but I dunno, I don’t think you need salt when you have bacon. As for pepper, eh…

— In the middle of her cooking, Hirotaka emerges from the shower buck-naked. Is this the first time that she’s seen him in the nude as an adult? Not only that, he’s forgotten why she’s here. Welp.

— Elsewhere, Kou is worried that Nao has gotten tired of online games. Here’s another potential couple that can’t communicate. I’ll let her off the hook, though. First, she’s deathly shy. The other characters aren’t, so they have no excuse. Second, Kou and Nao aren’t a couple yet. Hell, he still thinks she’s a boy…

— We then see Hanako get on Taro’s case about BL manga. Naturally, their conversation soon devolves into a fight. The guy refuses to read BL manga probably because he’s a typical guy, and typical guys avoid gay stuff as if it’s infectious. Again, the problem here is simple. She just wants to share something that she loves with the man that she loves. Unfortunately, Hanako can’t quite spell this out to Taro, so he kinda has to piece together the clues until he realizes what she’s really asking for. To his credit, he finally relents and compromises. After all, relationships need compromise. Afterwards, he discovers that he actually enjoys what Hanako’s recommendation. BL manga are just as good as any. Unfortunately, the ones that get turned into anime are often shit, though. Same with most yuri anime. Before you tell me that this is just my opinion, well, obviously. Whose opinion would it be if not mine?

— Back to Narumi and Hirotaka… eh, the fried rice desperately needs egg.

— That’s what I’m saying!

— Narumi learns that whenever Nao stays over, he kinda acts like Hirotaka’s mother. She, however, thinks that these chores are what a girlfriend should be doing for her boyfriend. Eh. Nevertheless, this gets her kinda jealous, so she drags Hirotaka on an impromptu date. Whatever works for them, I guess.

— Anyways, Kou learns that Nao hasn’t gotten tired of games at all (of course not). The only reason why he hasn’t been logging in lately is because he’s such a saint. Not only does he not want to bother his brother while the latter is on vacation, he also takes on more shifts to help his coworkers. Dude, what is this guy? Jesus incarnate? Nah, Jesus would probably be good at Mario Kart.

— So to help Nao out, Kou has handwritten a personal strategy guide for the guy. Yeesh… I think that’s sweet? I guess that’s how game otakus express their love.

— I thought Narumi and Hirotaka were going on a date, but they ended up stopping at a nearby playground.

— Then out of nowhere, the date is cut short because… well, because Narumi is an otaku.

— Hirotaka is still hungry, so he initially tells her to go on without him. But look, she needs him! Progress…? Sigh. Nevertheless, this is good enough for Hirotaka, so he tries with all his might to crawl home. This in turn impresses Narumi. God, these otakus…

— In the after credits scene, Narumi is on a shoujo manga kick, so she wants to know about everyone’s first 2D love. I recognize Nakoruru from Samurai Showdown, but definitely not Doi-sensei nor Otonashi Kyoko. Sorry, but Maison Ikkoku and Nintama Rantarou are well before I started watching anime. I think Hanako name-drops a popular voice actress, but I’m not sure.

— Nao drops by and accidentally reveals that Narumi is Hirotaka’s first love. For some reason, however, Hirotaka starts staring daggers at his brother. I don’t get that. Why would he want to hide this? Is he embarrassed by this or something? Wouldn’t Narumi find this romantic? Unfortunately, the girl is too slow to catch on, so she thinks Nao is talking about Nakoruru. Yo, you can’t date a 2D character. I don’t care what otakus want to believe, because you just can’t!

— But that about does it for Wotakoi. What a short series about… well, nothing.

The adaptation kind of ends on a weird spot. Sure, everything works out for Anzai and Tsukasa, but everything around them has fallen apart. Lee is now on the run, because he had to reveal himself to the world in order to help Tsukasa save Anzai. F Squad has been completely disbanded with Sawazaki being assigned to a desk job. The adaptation doesn’t even bother to give Jill another line of dialogue. She’s simply been reassigned. And according to Makimura, there is a huge conspiracy out there. CCC isn’t just some random organization that sprung up overnight. It has deep government roots. Last but not least, the latest incident resulted in even more stringent laws for devils. According to Miwako, Tsukasa’s best friend, some people’s opinions of devils have improved, but the status quo remains largely the same. A large percentage of the populace still wants to exterminate all devils. So sure, it’s great that Anzai and Tsukasa can declare their love each other. But the situation is worse than it has ever been before, and it’ll never get resolved. The bad guys pretty much got what they wanted. Anzai is banned from seeing Tsukasa for a while, but we see them reunite after the credits. I assume the time skip has taken place. Again, this is a happy ending for them, but just them. As a result, Devils’ Line tells an incomplete story.

Final grade: D+

Misc. notes & observations:

— The biggest problem with this adaptation is that the original story is too big to be covered by a one-cour adaptation. As a result, the anime ends up introducing way too many characters. We can’t cover them all, so for the vast majority of them, there is no sense of closure. Hell, we straight up have no idea what happens to some of them.

— For instance, Nanako (a.k.a. Zero Seven) could’ve taken Kikuhara out herself. Unfortunately, he has a strange hold over her, so she just can’t pull the trigger. The girl has serious issues that need to be worked out, but we have no clue what happens to her after this. We have no clue whatsoever. I’m not saying that her character deserves better, but it feels weird when a story thread suddenly cuts off with no sense of finality. That’s exactly what happens here.

— Anyways, Lee gets Tsukasa to Anzai, and she tries to cut herself with a shard of glass. Unfortunately, Anzai needs 400 cc of blood in order to survive, so a small trickle of blood from her arm is not going to do the trick. As a result, she shoves one of her arms into his mouth and starts begging him to bite down on her. In his fevered dreams, he somehow sees a naked Tsukasa floating before him. I guess this makes him horny, and whenever he’s horny, he transforms. So back in the real world, Anzai has gone full devil on Tsukasa. But hey, she’s saving him, so that’s love for ya.

— Even if the wound heals up, don’t they need to get the bullet out…? Ah, whatever.

— After the deed is done, Lee gets Tsukasa to safety, but he pretty much has to go into hiding. Unfortunately, the adaptation kinda glosses over this.

— At one point, Makimura gets on the police radio and warns everyone that CCC is government-born. In the manga, he also wants Mayu (a.k.a. Zero Eleven) to ignore people who picks on others for their looks. This is a really long and drawn out side plot that has been completely left out of the adaptation. Why? Well, Mayu apparently no longer exists in the anime. Basically, Mayu is an average-looking girl from a beautiful family. As a result, she is insecure and develops a serious complex against beautiful people. More importantly, she is in love with Kikuhara simply because he’s a manipulative asshole. Makimura is trying to get her to realize this.

— In the anime, it’s unclear whether or not Makimura survives the incident. After all, he got shot twice and we don’t get to see him again. In the manga, he ends up being rescued by Mayu’s family, then there’s two whole chapters dedicated to him spending with her and her family in some cabin in the woods. She’s totally in love with him, but he’s unsure about his feelings towards her. He just knows that he wants her around. As of now, that side story remains unresolved. They’re sort of living together, but they haven’t even kissed.

— As Anzai remains unconscious, he starts to see a memory from his youth. Kikuhara had taken him to see his father. That’s it, basically. I feel like Anzai is too old to be carried around like this, but whatever. The incident scarred the hell out of Anzai and is probably the reason why he hates himself so much.

— But as you might expect, the adaptation leaves out a ton of information. I’ll just mention the most notable part that they left out: Kikuhara’s origins. Apparently, his mother practically ignored him completely when he was growing up… up until he became a teenager. All of a sudden, she found him more beautiful than any man. Yep, that’s incest. After they slept together one night — yo, I’m not even joking — he saw her standing on a balcony. For some reason, he was overcome with the urge to kill her, and he did. Naturally, Kikuhara felt no guilt from the incident. Rather, he felt as though he had been freed from her “curse.” Due to time constraints, we don’t see this at all in the adaptation. Kikuhara barely has any backstory in the show.

— In fact, it seems as though the evil conspiracy forces has assassinated Kikuhara. This same car explosion happens in the manga, but the guy survives it. In the anime, however, it looks pretty fatal. Unless, of course, that’s not him in front of the car. But hey, if there isn’t going to be a sequel, then it doesn’t really matter if Kikuhara survives the explosion or not.

— After Anzai wakes up, he despairs over the fact that he had lost control of himself and bitten Tsukasa. He loses faith in the idea of a human-devil romance. At this point in the manga, Kano gives him a phone so that he can speak to his own mother. His mother tells Anzai all about his father and why she fell in love with him. Essentially, Anzai’s father was completely A-OK up until some bastards killed his human girlfriend. As a result, he took revenge on them, but the deed made him lose himself completely. He then went on a rampage and killed more people. So he’s a bad guy, but there are reasons for it. Uh-huh.

— In the anime adaptation, however, Anzai doesn’t speak to his mother at all. Instead, they have Kano tell the guy all about his father. See, if you’re going to include this scene anyways, why change it up? Why leave out the conversation with his mother completely? I don’t get it. She gives him the courage he needs to continue loving Tsukasa, so I really think the anime should’ve kept their conversation.

— Right before the ban goes into effect, Anzai and Tsukasa meet one last time to confess their love. I just find it hilarious, because he looks so fucking angry during his confession. Seriously, does this look like a guy who is in love?

— So the credits begin to roll, and afterwards, there’s a time skip. Again, the adaptation skips over a ton of events to get to this point. Plus, I think it’s lame that they’re still blushing at each other at this stage of their relationship. But no matter, the story here is essentially over. The only context you need is that Tsukasa has now found a purpose in life: she’s going to devote her life to researching and understanding devils.

— If you’re curious about the rest of the story that takes place in the manga, it gets pretty fucking wacky. At some point, Anzai and Tsukasa want to do it. After all, they’re in their twenties. Why wouldn’t they get horny and want to do it? But doing it with a devil is dangerous! So what happens? They go back to ONLO where Anzai’s mother helps facilitate the fucking. Yep. In fact, Anzai has to be all tied up in order for any copulation to take place. And his mother gets to watch.

— In fact, she even gives Tsukasa love-making tips. After all, Anzai’s going to be tied down, so the girl kinda has to do everything. I’m sure this would have looked funny as hell in anime form, but alas, we’ll never get to see their lovemaking animated.

— I scanned through it a bit. Personally, I’m more of a fan of the relationship between Makimura and Mayu than the main couple. As a result, it kinda sucks that the adaptation left it out. But either way, Devils’ Line is kinda mediocre even in its manga form. It has its moments, but it’s still forgettable.

Or not. It doesn’t really matter. 

— So back in Mobius, Mu is still busy absorbing everyone’s sadness and thus becoming nuttier by the second. She can’t handle so much negativity, you guys! So please, don’t call this anime bad! You’ll just hurt Mu!

— We then get to see Ritsu and Aria race back to Mobius in order to save the day. I don’t know why they have to race back, though. I mean, race back to what? It’s a computer program, right? So why would they need to traverse any sort of distance to return to Mobius? Is this supposed to be a visual representation of our hero re-uploading his consciousness into the virtual world?

— Also, the anime still hasn’t really explained much about Aria. All we really know is that she’s Mu’s counterpart.

— Anyways, because Mu is losing control of herself, Mobius is slowly falling apart. All of the NPCs are phasing out existing, and the world around the kids are disintegrating. Luckily, they’re perfectly safe where they’re standing! It would suck if the world started falling apart from the inside first!

— For some reason, Kotono decides that now is a good time to reveal her real world identity to her friends. Tak-kun is no lover. Nay, Tak-kun is actually her son. She’s a single mother who resents her own kid. She probably wanted to recapture her youthful days when men would line up just to talk to her. As a result, she treated her son terribly. This would’ve been a nice side story to explore. As a throwaway moment in the very last episode of the series? Not so much.

— In general, Caligula lacks emotional weight. It wants to be deep and meaningful, but there’s no depth to any of these side stories. Yeah, sure, maybe the depth can be found in the game, but hey, I can only judge the anime adaptation for what I can see.

— The Musicians still think that everything will be just fine if they take out the Go-Home Club. There’s only three of them, though. As a result, this shouldn’t be a difficult fight for the good guys. Shounen Doll isn’t interested in fighting anymore because he and Suzuna are friends. As for Wicked, uh… I assume she’s still injured or whatever. Eh.

— Eventually, Mu absorbs enough sadness, negative juju or whatever to assume her JRPG final boss form. So yeah, there’s that.

— Back in the school, Shogo still has his hands tied with Thorn. He finally realizes that the latter isn’t his beloved Ichika at all. Instead, it’s someone by the name of Natsume Asuka. Is Asuka a unisex name? ‘Cause I think Thorn is supposed to be a guy pretending to be Ichika. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Basically, he’s just mad and jealous that the girl chose to die with Shogo instead of him. Everyone else kinda has stories that I can empathize with in a more ideal storytelling situation, but these two… eh. I think I would still find them pathetic if I had played the game.

— All the anime screaming is awkward.

— More anime screaming.

— At some point, both the Go-Home Club and the other Musicians show up to the school. So uh, what happened between them? Who won? Did they just call a truce or what? Sorry, we don’t have time to answer any of these questions. We gotta have Thorn whip out her (his?) second form and start attacking both friends and foes.

— Oh yeah, I should mention that Ritsu finally gets back just in time to protect Shogo from being killed. Unfortunately, he and his friends don’t really have much time to play catch-up. They just get to know that he didn’t betray them. Yay?

— Shounen Doll appears out of nowhere to protect Suzuna, but it’s unclear whether or not he died as a result. Again, whatever.

— Finally, Shogo tackles Thorn to the ground, and they both proceed to fall into the great white void beneath them. It’s a good thing gravity still works. And see? Now they get to commit suicide together and meet Ichika in the afterlife!

— As for the rest of the kids (even though not all of them are really kids), Aria whisks them all to safety. Where’s safety? Shrug. Don’t worry about it!

— She then leaves everything to Ritsu. He has to reach Mu’s heart!

— What happens next is one really long speech from Ritsu about… I dunno, happiness and shit? Look, I got bored at this point and just droned him out. A cute cat shows up at one point, and that was the entire highlight of the scene. As for everything, I’ve stopped caring. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: if Caligula Overdose ever gets localized, I’ll revisit this story and I’ll revisit it properly. But as far as this anime adaptation is concerned, I’m done. I’m done with the half-assed storytelling and paper-thin characters. I really don’t care what Ritsu has to say to Mu or how much she means to her.

— To make a long story short, he’s in love with a program that he helped write. And with that, Ritsu saves Mu and everyone trapped in Mobius. He still has to shoot her with his fake, virtual gun, though. Ho hum.

— Look how poorly her shoes are drawn!

— Anyways, let’s get through the epilogue real quick and dirty.

— Kotono gets a second chance to be a good mother again. Let’s just hope she hasn’t done irreversible damage to her son already. For some reason, we don’t get to have a good look at what these people really look like in the real world. Oh well.

— Mifue embraces her not-so-fat mother. Of course, it’s all relative. In Japan, I guess she’s fat. Here, she could be twice her size and some people would still insist that she’s at a healthy weight. But that’s neither here nor there…

— Izuru also makes up with his mom, but he essentially tells her to shut up.

— Naruko decides to stop trolling. I’m not sure if she ever becomes the reporter that she hopes to be.

— Suzuna hopes to see Shounen Doll again. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t? I know next to nothing about her other than that she’s a loner.

— Kotaro is back to being a kid who supposedly has a shitty home life. So how does this solve anything?

— I think Sweet-P just goes back to eating ramen.

— Kensuke returns to being a bored, unhappy college student.

— Ike-P gets to enjoy his minimum wage job. He can’t even hold a stack of clothes properly.

— Mirei visits… someone. It’s not like she ever got any character development.

— And I think this is Wicked? Welp, right back to being sickly and bedridden for you!

— And Shogo stops being a hikikomori. God only knows how a grown man can afford to survive without going to work everyday.

— So uh, what about Thorn? Did she (he?) just give up on life without Ichika?

— Last but not least, Ritsu continues to love his computer. But Her, this is not.

— Anyways, what a bad adaptation. But I’ve spent enough words bitching about the show, so we’ll just call it here.

Final grade: D-

Sigh. 

— First things first, the issues between Shizuna and her teacher are 100% resolved. Yep, all those years of awkwardness have been wiped away by a single meal at Moonflower. Amazing! Has Aoi ever considered becoming a mediator? Or perhaps a marriage counselor?

— Hatori then drops by the restaurant to have a taste of Aoi’s Japanese cooking. She’s been experimenting with new dishes, she says. But in the end, she simply serves him curry. Curry in an anime? Wow, what a bold and refreshing move. I’ve never seen curry before in my Japanese cartoons before!

— She warns the guy that the curry is spicy, but I’ve never, ever had a Japanese curry dish that was legitimately spicy. Never.

— Yo, I thought it was supposed to be spicy.

— Oh wait, there it is. Apparently, the curry is so spicy that it’s going to Hatori’s bird brain.

— Afterwards, he gets to have some mochi. I hope that’s chocolate syrup drizzled on top.

— Anyways, the guy claims that he used to be Shiro’s best bud, but they all say this. At this point, I’m not really sure what to believe about Aoi’s grandfather anymore. In any case, Hatori also just happens to be Matsuba’s third son, but he got kicked out of the family for breaking the “code.” Who knows, who cares? Last but not least, when the girl brings up Ginji, he’s not quite sure that he can trust the nine-tailed fox. This immediately puts Aoi on the defensive.

— Eventually, Akatsuki shows up to shoo the pesky birdman away. Spider bro isn’t too happy to see Aoi fraternizing with the enemy. Guys, you run a pair of inns. Chill out. This isn’t a world war. Besides, isn’t Tenjin-ya crushing Orio-ya anyways?

— Nevertheless, Hatori takes his leave. When he returns to his room, he proceeds to talk to his buddy about Aoi. He also mentions how she’s the type of girl that Ranmaru would absolutely hate. All I know about Ranmaru is that he runs the rival inn. Other than that, why should I care what he thinks of our heroine? Plus, the story hasn’t really explained why she’s so important, but we’ll just have to play along for now.

— The next morning, Aoi talks with Ginji and some ice girl about opening up a shaved ice shop. Yeah, this episode is super exciting. You can even feel my excitement seeping out from my pores.

— So let’s just skip all of that nonsense and get right to the random conflict of the week. This time, a trio of naughty one-eyed children have gone missing. The entire staff is looking for them, but you know it’s down to Aoi and Aoi alone to bring the kids back. She just keeps finding herself at the center of every single event that occurs at this establishment.

— With Akatsuki accompanying her, Aoi finds herself exploring the massive basement beneath the complex. For instance, there are rats down here, and they’re busy making one of Tenjin-ya’s favorite snacks. I don’t know about the hidden realm, but I sure as hell don’t want rats anywhere near my food.

— Yes, I’ve seen Ratatouille. No, I’m not changing my mind.

— Anyways, those naughty children are also down here, and as soon as they see Akatsuki, they take off once again. You know who I blame? The parents. When I was a kid, I would’ve never dreamed of pulling this sort of stunt.

— Up next is a giant laboratory full of random beakers, test tubes, and other chemistry-related equipment. No, seriously. It even comes with a bishie scientist standing in front of a blackboard covered in science-y stuff. But what could he possibly be researching? Apparently, he wants to know how to make a fucking hot-spring bun. Ugh.

— Afterwards, Aoi gets separated from Akatsuki and finds herself…

…what is this? The goddamn Overlook Hotel from The Shining?

— Come play with me, Aoi!

— Dude, I’m not even joking about the Overlook Hotel thing. There’s even a black-and-white photo! I’m just waiting for Odanna to pop his head through a hole in a door and scream, “Heeeeere’s Johnny!”

— But instead of that, Aoi simply sees that Odanna and the mysterious girl are not strangers. Okay.

— And just like that, any sort of mystery magically vanishes from the episode, and we’re right back to dealing with those stupid brats.

— Somehow, she and the kids all find themselves in a tunnel that opens up to super high cliff. Needless to say, the little girl ends up falling to her death.

— Hah, if only. Instead, Aoi falls with her to both their deaths!

— Again, if only. Just watch as none of this shit is animated. Aoi simply slides across the frame accompanied by action lines. I don’t know why anyone bothers to give Gonzo any work these days. They just half-ass everything they touch.

— At the last second, spider bro saves both Aoi and the little girl at the same time. All’s well that ends well. So what were the undisciplined children doing down here anyways? it turns out they were looking for the little girl’s hair ornament. That’s it. They wandered off and nearly got themselves killed for a fucking hair ornament.

— Later that night, Odanna tells Aoi that he’s done with his errands, so he’ll be returning soon. Instead of asking him about all those mysterious photos she found in the Tenjin-ya basement, she wants to know what sort of bento he would like to eat when he gets back. This girl…

— And the next morning, everyone enjoys some shaved ice. Ginji, however, is oddly missing.

— When the sun has gone down and Aoi’s about to close up shop, she hears a strange noise outside her restaurant. She opens the door to find a collapsed Ginji on the ground. Oh no!

— Uh, he looks like he’s just breathing hard to me. Maybe he’s in heat. Wait, that only happens to female mammals. Well, you don’t know! We can’t assume Ginji’s gender!

— Anyways, tune in next week to find out what’s wrong with the dumb fox. And by next week, I mean tomorrow.

By itself, this is an amusing episode. As the penultimate episode in a series, however, it doesn’t actually help Golden Kamuy build up to any sort of grand finale. Does anything that happens here really matter in the grand scheme of things? Shrug. We just get a lot of dick talk. Yep, dicks.

— So right off the bat, we know that hotel proprietress is up to no good. Not only that, the proprietress is more like a proprietor. Well, who knows? Maybe Ienaga is transgendered. Either way, I think this reveal comes too early. They could have left this as a nice, little twist. Instead, we know immediately not to trust Ienaga.

— Ushiyama is the first to arrive at the hotel, and he immediately starts lusting after the proprietress. He has no clue whatsoever that Ienaga used to be one of his fellow prison mates. As a result, he immediately starts to make a move on the woman.

— Dude, how can you tell? She’s wearing such a thick dress.

— SEX. I WANT SEX.

— C’mon, man, you can’t just go around destroying people’s property.

— Such a smooth talker, this guy.

— Afterwards, Sugimoto and crew also arrive at the hotel. Neither our hero nor Kiroranke seem to care too much about Ienaga’s looks.

Shiraishi, however, is smitten. I guess if you used to be a prisoner, you’ll take whatever you can get.

— Kiroranke lets us know that he prefers them THICC. As for Sugimoto, who knows? Maybe he traded in his libido for immortality. Not once in this entire series has he shown any sort of attraction — sexual or otherwise — to any man or woman.

— As for Ienaga, she wants Ushiyama’s body bad. Not necessarily for sex, but for… well, eating. Apparently, she subscribes to the weird-ass idea that if you eat, say, a person’s eyes, then your eyes will improve. If you eat their penis, maybe your penis will improve. You get the idea. The show attributes this belief to the Chinese, but… eh… I mean, when I was young, my mom tried to get me to eat pig’s brains. She thought that it would make me smarter. Well, it didn’t. Jokes on you, Mom. Point is, maybe the belief is kinda Chinese? Shrug. My mom never made me eat a human body part, but the ideas here are similar enough, I guess.

— Anyways, Ienaga wants more than just Ushiyama’s body. She also wants Asirpa’s blue eyes. And maybe the kid’s skin as well.

— In his foolish attempt to get laid, Shiraishi is the first to get caught and drugged up by the former doctor. But he’ll be alright. After all, he’s the Escape King or whatever.

— While that is happening, Ushiyama bumps into Sugimoto and they have a bit of a stand-off. They’re not enemies just yet, though. These two men are just sizing each other up while Asirpa and her friend are bored off to the side. Ho-hum, another dick-measuring contest.

— After that is done, the big oaf invites everyone out to dinner. Asirpa makes one of her trademark silly faces at curry, but as usual, every anime character loves the dish.

— She also ends up imbibing alcohol, so she starts trying to yank off Ushiyama’s forehead thing…

— Then this conversation happens:

…right. They’re all drunk, so let’s just leave it at that.

— So back to Shiraishi, he’s already about to break himself free from his restraints.

Ushiyama somehow stumbles into the torture dungeon, but he mistakes the escape artist for the proprietress.

— Apparently, this is what Ienaga used to look like. Again, that’s one hell of a make-up job. Either that or her weird beliefs are actually true, i.e. she’s eaten enough people to make herself look young and beautiful. Well, from the neck up, at least.

— Speaking of the proprietress, she’s now marveling over Asirpa’s eyes.

Luckily, Sugimoto is a light sleeper. This is when things start to go awry for Ienaga. Not only does she have to contend with the slippery Shiraishi and a protective Sugimoto…

…Ushiyama also wants to fuck her senseless. See, kids? That’s why you don’t pretend to be H.H. Holmes and run your own murder hotel!

— Shiraishi’s facial expressions crack me up too. He seems offended, however, that he was ever attracted to Ienaga in the first place. As a result, he’s dead set on blowing the proprietress up with his bag of grenades. Yep, the guy is apparently toting around a bag full of grenades. I think he picked them up when they first got to Sapporo, but I’m not entirely sure on that.

— Anyways, this post is getting longer than I’d like it to be, and it’s not like there’s any subtext to draw out from this episode. Let’s just wrap it up.

Thanks to Shiraishi being a huge klutz, the whole hotel goes up in flames.

And our gang can barely hold themselves up. Then a still-drunk Asirpa starts yelling out for, well, Dick-sensei:

But in the end, they have to get a move on, because we have to go see Asirpa’s alleged father in prison. Yep, next week’s episode will be the last. For this adaptation anyways. Maybe we’ll get a sequel, maybe we won’t.

— In the after credits scene, Ushiyama emerges from the smouldering ruins with Ienaga in his arms. Is the former doctor still alive or not? Well, if Golden Kamuy never gets a sequel, I guess the answer to this question doesn’t really matter.

— Again, the events in this episode are pretty amusing… it just doesn’t add up to anything. I feel like we could’ve skipped this episode and our overall understanding of the story wouldn’t have suffered one bit. Had this episode occurred midway through the season, I wouldn’t have minded. But as the penultimate episode, it kinda sticks out like a sore thumb. Like what am I supposed to do with all this information? Oh well.

— As a side note, I think an entire series based around an evil proprietor or proprietress with a murder hotel would be kinda cool. C’mon, who wants to turn H.H. Holmes’ life into an anime?

— Anyways, I’ll be back tomorrow to wrap this series up.

After all this hoopla, both finalists are going to fight gearless. Geez, guys. But seriously, Yukiko said something that really resonated with me: “The battle to determine the greatest Megalo Boxer… between two boxers with no Gear? It’s utter nonsense.” It’s not even Megalo boxing anymore. It’s just… well, it’s just boxing now, isn’t it? We may as well start calling this Ashita no Joe. I really don’t know how I feel about this latest development. I mean, I understand why Yuri personally wants to do this. In his heart, he desires a genuine fight against the first genuine boxer of his generation. Maybe the only genuine boxer of his generation. Unfortunately, there’s no way he and Joe could possibly have a fair fight if he’s got Shirato’s finest piece of technology strapped to his body. It’s not that Joe is guaranteed to lose, but even if Yuri wins, he can’t feel very proud of himself. So what choice has he got? He has to fight gearless. Nevertheless, I still feel somewhat flummoxed. Like we’ve gone all this way just for two guys to fight gearless. Hmph. Oh well. I’ll get over it. One episode left. One fight left. Who will win… and who will die?

Misc. notes & observations:

— No matter what happens, Yukiko has her contract secured. I assume the government can’t just back out simply because Yuri decided to fight gearless, but you never know…

— Yukiko: “Shirato’s technology will become a beacon of hope for the future.” I have no idea what she’s talking about. All they’ve developed is a piece of equipment that will enhance man’s fighting capabilities to even greater heights. That doesn’t seem very peaceful to me. Now, if she’s referring to the technology’s ability to enhance humanity’s overall physical attributes a la transhumanism, then her optimism would make a little more sense. But this isn’t really a topic that the anime has touched on whatsoever. Plus, she’s selling it to the military, so…

— When Yuri delivers the bad news, she threatens to cancel the finals altogether, but that seems short-sighted. Could you imagine the bad PR this would garner? The widespread outrage?

— Yuri: “From now on, it’s your dream.” In other words, their goals are no longer aligned. But what were their goals to begin with? The story has focused primarily on Joe and his team and for good reason. But one of the downsides of this is that we barely know anything about Yuri or Yukiko.

— Speaking of Joe, everything is rosy in his camp. Yeah, sure, Nanbu lost his remaining eye, but hey, everyone’s spirits are high. Aragaki is even here to help Joe train! What a nice guy!

— Meanwhile, Yuri needs to get the gear off his body, but he can’t get any help from Shirato. As a result, he has to turn to Mikio. Y’know, I didn’t realize up until now that Yuri’s gear is actually grafted onto his body. I guess that’s the only way to achieve such a high level of synergy with technology, but is this something that the military wants to use? Will soldiers really agree to undergo a surgical procedure just to fight in the army? Well, maybe they won’t even have a choice.

— Oh yeah, the Shirato brother has all but completely shunned technology. He actually lives in a log cabin out in the woods. That seems like an extreme correction from his previous life.

— God, that looks painful. I’m sure he’s under anesthetic, but still…

— At the end of the day, Yukiko probably loves Yuri to a certain degree. Unfortunately, she can’t really communicate that to the fighter. Maybe it’s taboo or something. After all, she’s not just a member of the upper society. She’s the head of one of the biggest corporate groups out there. Meanwhile, Yuri’s just a fighter. Then again, maybe she’s just not comfortable talking about her feelings. Either way, she feels as though Yuri has rejected her. By pulling this stunt, he is rejecting a shared future with her.

— Yukiko has her secretary look into Joe’s past, and she digs up all sorts of scandalous details. The secretary assures her that the finals can easily be canceled by simply exposing Joe. Nevertheless, Yukiko can’t pull the trigger.

— Back in Joe’s camp, Nanbu continues to coach his fighter despite his lack of vision. Y’know, if he’s got such a terrific feel for the sport, you can’t help but wonder why he has to throw underground matches in order to get by.

— He thinks back to the first time he met Joe, but there’s really not much here to unpack. It’s a nice memory, I guess.

— Again, it’s all smiles in Joe’s camp.

— In sharp contrast to his counterpart, Yuri’s not doing so well. The pain from removing his gear is excruciating. Hell, his bandages are stained with blood. Is Mikio really sure that this isn’t life-threatening?

— Yuri even has a freaky nightmare in where he is consumed by technology. Hey, more reason to get rid of the crutches now rather than later.

— It turns out Yuri didn’t want any pain-killers. He wanted to face the pain head on. Eh. Fighters, man… I’m not even going to pretend to understand their mentality.

— Yukiko tries one last time to bring Yuri back into the fold. He tells her, however, that fighting Joe in a fair match is the only thing he’s living for now. He’s been searching for an opponent like Joe all his life, and he doesn’t want her to snatch that away.

— Now it’s Yukiko’s turn to think back to the first time she met Yuri. Unfortunately for her, she isn’t just reminiscing. Rather, she’s preparing herself to let go of the past. She has huge obligations and responsibilities to worry about. She can’t spend all of her time worry about Yuri and what he’ll do next. At the same time, however, I still believe she loves the man. That’s why she’s willing to set him free. If Yukiko wanted to be petty, she could’ve just canceled the finals and exposed Joe as a fraud. Instead, she cuts ties with Yuri completely: “I have no business with a gearless boxer.” Sure, her words sound cold, but like I said, she’s still a businesswoman.

— At the very end of the episode, Yukiko pays Joe a visit and hands back his fake ID. This simply cements the fact that she won’t interfere with the finals. Last but not least, she lets Joe know that Yuri will be fighting him gearless. This only serves to amp our hero up even more. Look at that crazy glint in his eyes. He’s like a wild animal rearing to go on a hunt.

— Despite my apprehensions, I’m still looking forward to the final bout. This should be good. MEGALOBOX has been consistent from start to finish, so there’s little reason for me to think that the show will suddenly drop the ball in the final episode.

‘Cause nothing remotely interesting happens until then. Just a whole bunch of pointless chatter until the big dumb reveal of a new major character.

— When we last left off, Ginji became sick and collapsed in front of Moonflower. Why? Shrug. The anime never tells you why. Nevertheless, Aoi apologizes for not noticing that Ginji isn’t doing well. But why? Since when did it become her responsibility to monitor a grown man’s health? Chill, girl… sheesh.

— As you might expect, Aoi’s going to fix Ginji right up with food. Every single problem is solved with food. Of course, there’s a story reason for that: her cooking has magical spiritual healing properties! One cold soup coming right up!

— And just like that, Ginji’s back to normal. He even has the audacity to wipe away her tears! Oooh, how scandalous! She’s betrothed to Odanna, you cur!

— Somehow, Ginji’s one finger grazing Aoi’s cheek for a second is enough to set her mind racing. It’s enough to make her think that she’s felt his touch before. For a second. Again, these characters have no chill. Instead of just asking Ginji (or Odanna) straight up if she’s met them before — or just plain ask them about her memories — all she ever does is sit there and internally freak out? “IS IT HIM? OR IS IT HIM?! AARRRRGGH, WHO FED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?”

— Anyways, Ginji gets all angsty, because people here don’t fully trust him. After all, he used to work for Orio-ya. Like I told you guys, these characters have no chill. Why is this even a big deal?

— Nevertheless, Aoi starts going on and on about how she never could’ve opened Moonflower without him, so she needs him. Boy, I bet Odanna wouldn’t like to hear that! But you notice how this anime has absolutely no romance whatsoever. None of these guys have tried to court Aoi. None of them. Not even Odanna. He just teases her. That’s not romance. That’s barely even flirting. Likewise, she doesn’t show any romantic interest in any of the eligible bachelors. All she’s interested in is figuring out who filled her tum-tums with food that day. Nobody ever goes on dates, nobody ever talks about love, nobody ever does anything remotely related to romance.

— Later that night, Odanna has returned from his errands. As a result, we now see Aoi dutifully hand-delivering his bento to him. Y’know, I’m not a huge fan of bento. Sure, when it’s freshly cooked, it’s delicious. But that’s the thing: I like my food piping hot. I don’t like my food sitting in a box until it becomes lukewarm or cold.

— When she gets to Odanna’s room, she finds him hanging out with Hatori. After all, the bird man did use to work for Tenjin-ya. Nevertheless, as soon as Ginji’s name comes up, Aoi freaks out and falls into the room. No chill…

— Look at those stones just clumsily float off the board. The animation is so embarrassing.

— Look at Hatori also float off. He doesn’t even bother to flap his wings. What are the wings for then?

— So does Aoi ask Odanna about Ginji? Of course not. That would be sensible, and why would we do anything sensible in this anime? Instead, they just talk about inane stuff. Ooooh, I brought you yeast! But I already have a yeast substitute! Oh no, me sad. Oh, don’t be sad, because I can make real bread with your yeast! Ugh.

— Apparently, Odanna met Suzuran in the human world, and she’s happy as a clam. Good for her.

— I think he’s trying to pat her head, but he just ends up palming her forehead instead. Awkward.

— The next morning, Byakuya drops by for more kitty food. Seriously. I told you nothing happens in this episode until the last two minutes. I don’t even know why you’re reading this. I don’t even know why I’m writing this.

— Then she accompanies Byakuya up the mountain until she finds Odanna playing Go with Hatori again. The accountant starts telling Hatori off. Then he also tells Tokihiko off. It’s like, “Dude, did you come up here just to lecture people?”

— Out of nowhere, Odanna suggests that they have a party, and Aoi should start cooking. I’m just like what? How did we go from Byakuya yelling at people to a party?

— Okay, okay, boring party-planning montage time.

— It’s a box! Marvel at the box!

— Wait, that’s it? That’s all the food for the party? And why are there finger sandwiches?

— Later that night, a drunk O-Ryo gets on Aoi’s case for hogging all the hot bishies to herself. Aoi plays dumb… or maybe she’s just plain dumb.

— Odanna tells her how important she is to the whole inn, so she guffaws. Haw haw haw, I’m having so much fun!

— But oh no, fox man is not having so much fun! Fox man looks sad! What’s wrong, fox man!

— All of a sudden, Orio-ya’s ship comes flying in, and it’s Ranmaru riding on top of it! Not only that, he’s wearing a mask! Not a mask! Oh noooooo!

— Dude, I’m not even joking. Aoi’s seriously losing her shit over this. This is going to happen every fucking time she sees a mask in the hidden realm. “Is it hiiiiiiim?” Like even it was him, so what? Are you forced to fall in love with the guy you met as a child? The guy you met for all of what…? Five minutes? The guy who gave you food once then fucked off and never saw you again? Like what is even the problem here?

But of course not. After all, the story is nowhere near the finish line. Hell, I don’t even think the manga is anywhere near the finish line. Even so, I just wish the adaptation could have ended on a big moment. Something to keep me excited as I wait for the second season, y’know? Yeah, yeah, the second season will air in the fall, so it’s not like I’ll have to wait long. But this is such a forgettable episode. Actually, it’s even worse than the last one. At least a murder hotel is somewhat compelling. Betting money at the racetrack? C’mon. Basically, Sugimoto and company bump into a fortune teller, and she starts taking advantage of the gullible Shiraishi. In the background, Hijikata and Tsurumi are still doing their own thing. The biggest development here, I guess, is Ogata volunteering to be the old man’s bodyguard, but is that really anything to write home about? I don’t think so. And sure, there are a few comedic moments with Shiraishi to enjoy, but in the end, I’m left feeling unfulfilled and honestly kinda bored with how first season decided to conclude itself. This is exactly what I’m talking about, too. Don’t you want to end on a high note so that your viewers are excited for the second season? Don’t you want people to wait with bated breath? Well, you won’t get that here.

Anyways, if you’re really curious about what happens in this week’s episode, there’s really not much to say. Inkarmat is a fortune teller in Ainu clothing. I’m not sure if she’s really an Ainu, though. I am sure, however, that she’s full of it. I mean, c’mon, all fortune tellers are scam artists. Luckily, Asirpa agrees. After all, she’s an Ainu woman for the new age. Sure, Inkarmat makes a lot of correct “predictions,” but we don’t know how much she really knows. After all, it seems like she has met Asirpa’s father before. Otherwise, how would she know anything about his eye color? Anyways, Shiraishi is taken in by this woman, so he starts depending on her “predictions” to help him win at horse racing. She keeps winning him money at first, but we soon find out that the races are rigged by the yakuza. So who knows? Maybe she has connections with the criminal underground. Then for some reason, Kiraronke is roped into filling in for a missing jockey. He ends up winning a race he should’ve lost, so Shiraishi loses all his winnings. Asirpa worries that if Sugimoto finds an easier way to make money, he’ll give up on this journey and abandon her. But of course, our hero would never do that. And… well… that’s it. That’s the episode.

Like I said, this week’s episode is okay by itself, but it doesn’t get me excited whatsoever for the second season. Basically, Golden Kamuy has likable characters, and I don’t mind rooting for either Sugimoto or Asirpa. But the story’s pacing is all out of whack. We’re moving at a snail’s pace towards the hidden cache of gold. All of the Ainu stuff is legitimately interesting. I actually don’t mind it at all when our heroine goes off on a tangent about how to trap certain animals, or whatever folklore she wants to regale us with next. The problem, however, is that the show feels too episodic in general. We keep going from one gimmicky character to the next. For example, we bump into Inkarmat in this week’s episode. Sure, she’ll probably crop up again, but in the grand scheme of things, do we really care about her? Same with Ienaga. Yep, the proprietress survived. But so what? If the second season is more of the same, I’m going to be disappointed. Unfortunately, I don’t think the formula’s going to change. Yeah, our heroes want to visit Asirpa’s father in prison, but Shiraishi convinces them to take detours should they happen to stumble across any new information regarding the tattoos. Oh boy…

Final grade: C

Yeah, this is super late, but let’s take a quick survey of the upcoming shows. Also, I wrote this post, because I didn’t feel like watching the rest of Tokyo Ghoul:re tonight. Eh, what can I say?

Aguu: Tensai Ningyou
Studio DEEN
PV: Here

Don’t bother with the synopsis, because it’s full of nonsensical in-universe jargon. Just watch the PV, which actually makes the anime look kinda interesting. I just hope the story leans more towards horror and less towards fighting the big, bad Seamtresses (whatever the hell they are). Either way, there’s a strong chance that I’ll cover this show.

Angolmois: Genkou Kassenki
NAZ

Historical epic? Instant pass from me. Not only do I not want to write about it, I don’t really want to watch it either.

Asobi Asobase
Lerche
PV: Here

Three girls having fun at school. Something about being a surreal gag comedy. Sure, sure, I’ll believe it when I see it. In any case, comedy isn’t usually something that I like to write about. For instance, I loved Hinamatsuri, but I barely covered it.

Attack on Titan 3
Wit Studio

I went and read ahead in the manga, and I’m not exactly pleased with where the story ended up going. So as you can imagine, I’m not super excited about the adaptation. To be honest, I never really was. Right from the beginning, I got the sense that the story would go on forever and over. Plus, every writer will have to provide some answers. If an ongoing series isn’t going to end anytime soon, the author can’t keep everything shrouded in mystery forever. But that’s the thing: the answers we get aren’t always going to be satisfying to everyone. Unfortunately, I fall into that camp with Attack on Titan. I really did not like learning the truth about the titans, and I don’t like the main cast enough to get over the shortcomings of the story. Anyways, I doubt I’ll cover this weekly. We’ll see, though. If there’s high enough demand, I’ll roll up my sleeves and do it.

Back Street Girls
J.C. Staff
PV: Here

So three yakuza are forced to become female idols or die. Not only that, they have to undergo a surgical procedure to look like women. Does this include hormone therapy or nah? Probably not. Either way, this show looks and sounds dumb. More importantly, it’s a comedy, and as previously mentioned, this blog doesn’t cover comedies.

BANANA FISH
MAPPA
PV: Here

I almost always give everything from MAPPA a shot. They don’t always make good anime (e.g. Inuyashiki), but I still feel like the studio has developed enough cachet. Anyways, I’ve read a bit of the manga. Not enough to spoil anything big. I just wanted to get the gist of the story. It’s intriguing. There’s a big mystery concerning a dangerous drug that everyone wants to get their hands on. Not only that, there’s a conspiracy that runs very deep. Unfortunately, this isn’t really a story for the faint of heart. If you don’t want to hear about a child being forced into sex slavery, you might wanna stay away… But yeah, I’m totally blogging this from start to finish (unless I quit the blog again).

Chio-chan no Tsuugakuro
diomedea
PV: Here

Another comedy about schoolgirls finding themselves in crazy, zany scenarios. Shrug. Looks fun. Might be entertaining, but I wouldn’t blog about it. Comedy strikes again.

Chuukan Kanriroku Tonegawa
MADHOUSE
PV: Here

It’s a spinoff from the Kaiji series. Not my thing.

Free! -Dive to the Future-
Kyoto Animation

Those boys are still swimming, huh? Good for them. I probably won’t watch it.

Gintama. Gin no Tamashii-hen 2nd Season
Sunrise

I’ve never touched the Gintama series, and I’m not looking to start now.

Grand Blue
Zero-G
PV: Here

Looks like another forgettable slice-of-life series. The PV is full of cute girls and dudes screaming at each other with silly faces. At least the characters are in college, I guess. I’ll check a few episodes out. If the character drama is compelling, then I’ll keep watching. Otherwise, it’s destined for the trash heap.

Hanebado!
LIDENFILMS
PV: Here

Cute girls play badminton. Lots of breast physics. Probably boring. I’m more of a tennis guy anyways.

Happy Sugar Life
Ezo’la
PV: Here

Oh hey, this show features a yuri romance. Wait, the second girl looks like a loli. Not only that, these genre tags give me pause:

Horror, Mystery, Psychological

I dunno, the PV looks really trashy to me. It sounds like the main girl will do whatever it takes to keep her loli. That sounds potentially unpleasant. I’m not really interested, but we’ll see.

Harukana Receive
C2C
PV: Here

Cute girls play beach volleyball. Lots of skimpy outfits. I mean, in terms of eye candy, it’s up there. I’m not gonna lie and pretend that I don’t like fit, athletic girls. But the actual plot is probably boring like most sports anime, and if I need visual stimulation, there are better ways to accomplish that.

Hataraku Saibou
David Productions
PV: Here

The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell! But on a more serious note, the PV makes the show look fun. I just don’t know if there will be much to write about. Maybe I’ll just give it a weekly blurb.

High Score Girl
J.C. Staff
PV: Here

So a kid gets schooled by a girl in video games, and this all takes place back in the 90s. I’m hoping for some decent characterization, but the main characters are really young. As a result, I’m not betting on the show having too much complexity to chew on. Most of all, I just hope it doesn’t rely too much on its own gimmick. It’s gonna happen anyway, but it shouldn’t rely on referential humor as crutch.

Hyakuren no Haou to Seiyaku no Valkyria
EMT Squared
PV: Here

Another isekai show, but this one is flavored with Norse mythology. Barely. I just got done playing the recent God of War, and that was pretty damn solid despite the liberties that it took in reinterpreting certain beloved characters. I also really enjoyed Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice. So now that I’m definitely an expert on all things related to Norse mythology, I’m confident I’ll enjoy this harem trash. Oh yeah. Totally.

Isekai Maou to Shoukan Shoujo no Dorei Majutsu
Ajia-Do
PV: Here

Isekai stories where the main character pretends to be a demon lord is so hot right now. I guess readers can’t enough of an ego boost from the traditional ones anymore, so we need to kick the pandering up another notch. In any case, the PV makes the show look like harem trash, so I’ll probably watch it just to mock it. C’mon, I gotta get in shape for SAO III. You guys know the score.

Island
feel.
PV: Here

Dude shows up on an island and solves everyone’s problems. And by everyone, what I really mean is three cute girls. After all, loli is life. Loli is love. Loli is everything. But yeah, the three cute girls who look way, way too young. Not only that, I hate the dude’s haircut. The show look super melodramatic from the trailer, so the show will probably become a huge tearjerker at some point. Personally, I bet the show’s going to be painful to watch, but we’ll see.

Jashin-chan Dropkick
Nomad
PV: Here

I think this is a comedy involving a girl and her summoned naga. They want to kill each other or something. Throw in a few more supernatural lolis and there you go. You just made yourself a fresh steaming pile of anime. Pass.

Kyoto Teramachi Sanjou no Holmes
Seven
PV: Here

Girl meets boy, girl solves mysteries with boy. The mystery part piqued my interest. Then I watched the PV, which has such a light and fluffy atmosphere. I dunno, man, I don’t think this show will feature the type of mystery I’m looking for. Maybe the characters will be likable. I’m not going to get my hopes up, but I’ll give it a shot.

Lord of Vermillion: Guren no Ou
Asread

I couldn’t find a good trailer. All I know is that this is based on some card game. I guess I’ll have to watch the show itself to see if I wanna blog about it. Unfortunately, Asread kinda sucks, so yeah…

Muhyo to Rouji no Mahoritsu Soudan Jimusho
Studio DEEN
PV: Here

Instead of an exorcist, a pair of boyish lawyers will help you with getting rid of the evil spirits bothering you. Yeah, this anime doesn’t look appealing at all.

Ongaku Shoujo (TV)
Studio DEEN
PV: Here

Idols. Nope.

Overlord III
Madhouse
PV: Here (more like a teaser)

Oh, Overlord, Overlord, Overlord. I really tried to give you a chance. Everyone seems to love you, so I watched both the first and second season. Unfortunately, I just don’t see the appeal. For a show like this, the characters have to be extremely likable, but Ainz isn’t doing it for me. He’s actually too nice and boring. As for the sycophants around him? Don’t get me started. So no, I won’t be blogging this show weekly. I tried before, and it just didn’t work. Between the horny lizards and the uninspiring Climb, I simply ran out of shit to talk about.

Phantom in the Twilight
LIDENFILMS
PV: Here

This looks like a reverse harem with supernatural elements. The PV features some action, but I can’t really tell if it’s going to be any good. The best part, however, is how one of the bishies has a really dumb haircut. Does he still count as a bishie in that case? Either way, the show’ll probably bore me, but I’ll give it a shot. After all, I gave that stupid book-burning show a shot, so why not this one?

Planet With
J.C. Staff
PV: Here

Jesus, just exactly how many shows is J.C. Staff working on? Anyways, the art direction isn’t appealing to me, so I’ll pass.

Satsuriku no Tenshi
J.C. Staff
PV: Here

Blonde loli teams up with an edgy dude. Edgy dude even wields a scythe. Together, they need to get themselves out of a building. Wait, the whole show is about escaping a building? Eh. Sprinkle in some generic side characters, I guess. Y’know, J.C. Staff has good production values, but I can’t remember the last time I actually liked anything that they made. Wait, lemme check their Wikipedia entry… dude, I have to all the way back to Nodame Cantabile to find something that I actually enjoyed, and even then, I preferred the live drama. Their tastes are just so wildly different from mine. Unfortunately, they get to make the sequel to One Punch Man. What’s up with that? Anyways, the PV has slick animation, but the show doesn’t look appealing at all. Sigh, I’ll check out a few episodes.

Senjuushi
TMS Entertainment
PV: Here

Cute boys with guns. The PV makes it look like a snoozefest. The boys are supposedly fighting against a fascist empire, but the PV barely shows any of that off. It seems more concerned with telling us about the hot main cast than giving us a taste of the plot. That tells me there isn’t much of one.

Shichisei no Subaru
Lerche

I couldn’t find a decent trailer. Basically, a guy logs into an online game and discovers that his dead childhood friend is somehow also playing it. So… Ano Hana but set in an MMORPG? Whatever it is, I almost always cover a show if it takes place in an MMO. Most of these shows end up being terrible, but I just can’t help myself. I played MMOs too much in college, so I’m always curious to see how they’re portrayed in fiction.

Shoujo☆Kageki Revue Starlight
Kinema Citrus
PV: Here

This show is about cute girls singing and dancing in a troupe, so it’s not quite an idol show. Unfortunately, it’s not quite something I’d probably care about either. I’ll give it one episode, but I’m pretty confident I’ll pass on covering it.

Sunoharasou no Kanrinin-san
SILVER LINK.
PV: Here

Not only does the kid go and live with a bunch of girls, he even looks like one! But seriously, this looks like shit. Pass.

Tenrou: Sirius the Jaeger
P.A. Works
PV: Here

Honestly, I actually think the trailer looks pretty good. The director has an okay pedigree, so count me in. If anything, at least P.A. Works won’t be wasting their animating talents on horse girls. Last but not least, I almost always blog anything that has to do with vampires. I can explain why I’m obsessed with MMOs, but I’m not sure about this particular fixation…

Tsukumogami Kashimasu
Telecom Animation Film
PV: Here

I kinda get the feeling that the show’s going to be episodic in nature. Plus, I’m not really big on Japanese spirits, so I really doubt I’ll cover this show. You never know, but sometimes, you kinda do.

Yami Shibai 6
ILCA

I won’t be writing about this series, but I’ll definitely be watching it. It’s horror, man. Even if it’s bad, I’ll check it out. Oh yeah, this is the only TV short that I’ll include on this list. I peeped the other ones, and they’re a bunch of uninspiring sequels. Yeah, yeah, Yami Shibai 6 is likely an uninspiring sequel too…

Yume Oukoku to Nemureru 100 Nin no Ouji-sama
Project No.9
PV: Here

Another reverse harem, but this time, the girl and her princes have to go around and save dreams from being eaten. Something like that. I think this is based on a game, and… holy shit, look at all those princes on the official site. Yeah, I think if I’m going to give any reverse harems a shot, it’ll be the other one. The one with the word “phantom” in the name.

Yuragi-sou no Yuuna-san
Xebec
PV: Here

Looks like another shitty harem. The main girl is a ghost who needs the harem lead’s help in order to move onto the afterlife. I bet she doesn’t. I bet she falls in love with him and decides to haunt him forever. If I have time, sure, I can post about it every week. It’ll be like revisiting Harem Hill all over again. Y’know, for old time’s sake.

Spring Carryovers

For better or worse, I’ll still be covering the following shows:

• Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi
• My Hero Academia
• Persona 5 The Animation
• Steins;Gate 0

Much like its heroine, I suppose. Anyways, I’m sure you’ve heard about it, but Princess Ayako recently made the news by giving up her royal title. She, too, fell in love with a commoner. For the longest time, I didn’t understand why it was such a big deal for Teresa to fall in love with Mitsuyoshi. Why would she have to shirk her duties just because she loves a Japanese man? But hey, now it makes sense — now I see why it is such a struggle for Teresa. My problem was that I kept seeing her as a European princess, but she is ostensibly a Japanese one. I mean, c’mon, there’s no such thing as Larsenburg. The girl only hails from Europe, because 1) Japanese stories (anime or otherwise) loves modern western European culture and 2) they needed a good excuse for why Mitsuyoshi wouldn’t recognize her. Had she actually been a Japanese princess, this would’ve been a bit too difficult to swallow. But hey, turn a European princess into a giant Japanophile and there you go! If Princess Ayako has to renounce her royalty for love, I guess it only makes sense that Teresa would have to do the same.

Anyways, I don’t mind the saccharine sweet ending. I actually always wanted Teresa to find her happiness even if it meant her ending up with Mitsuyoshi. And hey, that’s exactly what happens. They even seal the deal with a kiss. My problem with the show, however, is twofold. First, I’m still not sold on Mitsuyoshi. He and Teresa are similar in a lot of ways, so you might call them kindred spirits. At the same time, however, I just wish the story had focused more on their friendship. At one point, Teresa fell for Mitsuyoshi, and she fell hard (mostly the camping episode). When the guy gets the girl, it’s supposed to be satisfying, but I never felt as though our hero had really earned her love. Did he really put in the hard work? Maybe that’s why the finale has him chasing after an invitation floating down an icy cold stream, ’cause goddamn, he had to do something to prove his love. If anything, Mitsuyoshi was large uncharismatic and far too lowkey for the vast majority of the series. Teresa pretty much had to carry the show with energy and exuberance.

Second — and this ties into the first problem, the anime wastes far too much time on unnecessary characters. The only person who accompanies Mitsuyoshi to Larsenberg is Kaoru. None of the other characters matter at all. So why devote an entire episode to Pin-senpai and Hinako? Why devote an entire episode to Dog-kun and Imouto? Why devote an episode to the fucking cat? They don’t actually help our main couple get together at all (well, the cat kinda helped). Sure, these characters don’t have to do that. After all, they have their own stories and their own lives… but do they? Because none of the characters I just mentioned have any sort of resolution to their stories whatsoever. We see Pin-senpai graduating at the end of the episode, but that’s it. Does he and Hinako ever get together. Who knows! And who cares, apparently, because the story sure doesn’t. It’s a loose end that goes nowhere, and that’s exactly what I’m getting at. The time we took to establish Pin-senpai as a character could’ve been spent on Mitsuyoshi and Teresa.

But don’t get me wrong, because I like the show. I think it has solid art direction, and the backgrounds are always fun to look at. I really like the soundtrack, especially the repeated use of the leitmotif at crucial junctures in the story. Most of all, I’m really a big sap, so I love happy endings where the guy gets the girl (or vice versa). I just think that the show has huge flaws that prevent it from becoming a classic. The best parts of a romance aren’t when they get together at the very end. The kiss simply seals the deal. The best parts are the stepping stones along the way. If I were to rewatch Tada-kun, there is really only one episode that I would want to go back to: the episode where they camped out under the stars. It’s pretty much the only real romantic moment between Mitsuyoshi and Teresa. In general, the show lacks satisfying moments, so the payoff at the very end doesn’t feel as dreamy as it could’ve been.

Final grade: C+

Misc. notes & observations:

— Man, Rachel is such an MVP in this week’s episode. She takes care of everything and thinks of everything. Having said that, I’m still not entirely clear what happened between her and Mitsuyoshi’s grandfather. Maybe we should’ve taken an episode away from Dog-kun and given it to Rachel instead.

— You gotta feel bad for Charles, ’cause he’s done nothing wrong. I get the feeling that he never wanted an arranged marriage in the first place (after all, it was all planned out before Teresa was even born), but he fell in love with our heroine anyways. And even now, he could’ve been difficult. He could’ve thrown a tantrum, and we’d still pity him somewhat. But the guy is a consummate gentleman through and through.

— As tender as this moment was, I can’t really say the same about Alec…

— So Rachel didn’t hand Mitsuyoshi a letter. Instead, she gave him an invitation to a dinner party. I guess she simply had faith in the kid. She just knew he would show up to a party full of rich and powerful people and confess his love. She barely knows Mitsuyoshi, so this is a bit odd.

— Kaoru is really the only friend who has a large role to play. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have any character development whatsoever. He’s just there to help push Mitsuyoshi down the path of life. He probably also bought a suit for his best bud. I doubt Mitsuyoshi had packed that ahead of time. I also doubt he would have the money for a tailored suit at such a short notice.

— The finale even takes place at Christmas. It’s only fitting. The holiday is somehow very romantic for Japan. All I think about at Christmas is presents and how I don’t get any because my birthday is too close to it.

— The show loves these moments.

— So Charles loves Teresa so much that he would rather prioritize her happiness above all else. Not above his own, of course. He’s actually wise enough to understand that he wouldn’t be happy either if she was forced to marry him. You gotta applaud the guy.

— As for Alec, she still wanted to fight the inevitable down to the very last second. Charles literally had to drag her away. Sigh.

— The confession is so quintessentially Japanese, isn’t it? Both Mitsuyoshi and Teresa confess their love for each other, but they stand apart. They don’t embrace each other or anything. It wouldn’t be proper. We reveal our delicate feelings and keep it at that.

— So we get a time skip, and Pin-senpai is officially graduating. Unfortunately, these characters have no depth to them, so these scenes are kinda hollow.

— Dog-kun and Imouto blush at each other and that’s it. Why did we even bother to include these two in the story at all?

— I guess Nyanko Big has made some progress.

— Apparently, Rachel is an even bigger deal than we originally thought.

— Even at the very end, Charles protects Teresa. He breaks the engagement off so that he looks like a bad guy. The girl won’t get any of the blame. Otherwise, the tabloids probably would’ve wondered why she fell in love with someone when she was already betrothed to another. Now she’s free to pursue another relationship with the public being none the wiser.

— In the end, maybe there’s something brewing between Charles and Alec, but I honestly can’t find myself rooting for Teresa’s devoted bodyguard. It didn’t feel as though her character grew very much. Had it not been for Charles, she would’ve crashed the confession scene and ruined the atmosphere.

— Anyways, here comes another quintessentially Japanese moment. After everything is all said and done, Mitsuyoshi goes back to the very same spot where he had first met Teresa on that fateful day. Why? Well, why not? Fate brought them together that day, so why wouldn’t he be magically drawn back to the same location? All of a sudden, it starts to rain. Gee, whenever he and Teresa get together, it always rains. So what do you know? It’s Teresa! But this time, she has an umbrella. Like okay, I know she wanted to surprise the guy. But how did she know he would be here on this exact day and at this exact moment? Fate? Or did she ask his family first where he would be, stalk him all the way here, waited until it would rain, then made her grand entrance? Sure, it could have been the latter (which is still wild), but I’ve consumed enough Japanese fiction to realize that the culture loves the fuck out of happy coincidences, red strings of fate, blah blah blah.

— But whatever, I still like the happy ending.

— Sidenote: since I don’t have anything originally scheduled for tomorrow, the write-up on MEGALOBOX will be delayed 24 hours.

Well, it really depends on how you look at it. I mean, I’m glad both boxers survived, but I dunno, I just can’t love the ending. The whole match never truly crescendo’d. In fact, I felt like I was watching one long, extended denouement. The fight starts out predictably: Yuri has Joe on the ropes thanks to his years of training and experience. Fighting Joe, however, is like fighting a wall. He just won’t go down, and eventually, you’ll tire yourself out. That’s when Joe starts swinging. Near the end of the match, however, Joe and Yuri both realize that winning the tournament never really mattered to either of them. Remember what Yukiko had said in last week’s episode that I agreed with so much? She said, “The battle to determine the greatest Megalo Boxer… between two boxers with no Gear? It’s utter nonsense.” Nonsense to us, but not to these two men! Neither are in this for the championship belt. They just wanted to find each other and they did. They found their dance partner. The anime isn’t particularly exploring new territory, but I suppose it’s better than a nihilist and bloody slugfest in which the hero dies and leaves behind his loved ones.

Unfortunately, we don’t get the satisfaction of seeing the rest of the fight play out. Presumably, Joe and Yuri each go for one last punch, but all of a sudden, we cut to the end of Yukiko’s sales pitch. As she rides home in her car, the woman mouths something that we can’t hear, but I’m sure it has something to do with Yuri. Finally, a single tear rolls down her cheek. The next thing we know, Yuri is delivering a monologue on death as he’s being rolled through the hospital on a gurney. He may not have died, but his career did. And so did his relationship with Yukiko. After this, the epilogue begins. A year has passed, and we see Nanbu practicing his one-year anniversary speech for the opening of his gym. Yuri is now confined to a wheelchair, but he couldn’t be happier. Last but not least, Joe has stopped boxing, but you never know. We watch from the distance as the young man practices his dancing moves. In the foreground, a scorpion watches before walking offscreen. As Fujimaki often likes to say, it is in the scorpion’s nature to sting. With a possible second Megalonia on the horizon, who’s to say that Joe won’t lace it up once more?

Well, that’s all fine and dandy, but where was the exhilaration? Where was our triumphant moment? Fine, fine, I get it: neither Joe nor Yuri really care who wins, but… I do! I still wanted to see Joe’s team swarm him in the ring as the crowd goes wild. I wanted to see his crooked grin as one eye is so swollen that he can’t even keep it open. I wanted to see either confetti rain down from the sky or hear fireworks going off in the distance. But we got nothing, man. Like Nanbu and Sachio, we have been by Joe’s side every step of the way. We saw him pull himself up from the rigged underground matches to the upper echelon of the Megalo Boxing world. And yet, we don’t get the celebrate his victory with him. Man… the ending was just too zen-like for me, I guess. I wanted rising tension, but I got peace and satisfaction. I wanted to feel anxiety and finally release, but I got acceptance. In the end, neither men really had anything to fight for but their pure love for the sport.

Honestly, this is probably a show that I have to revisit in the near future. Maybe I’ll see it differently if I rewatch the whole thing in one sitting. If you see Joe and Yuri as two beasts just trying to free themselves from their respective prisons, then this ending should deliver. Well, logically, I think it should. They fought themselves to freedom, and that was the true conflict all along. Maybe I don’t feel satisfied because I came into the finale expecting a more traditional outcome. I expected a must-win fight. I expected a winner and a loser. Anyways, I loved the art direction, but I still don’t agree with them deliberately making the show look “lo-fi.” Still, the fight choreography is solid, and the sound design is fantastic. The soundtrack is pretty good, too (Sachio’s rap notwithstanding). Overall, the story did its job. I wish we could’ve gotten to know both Yuri and Yukiko a little better, but that’s not a major problem. I don’t love MEGALOBOX, but it’s a solid outing in a season full of uninspired mediocrity.

Final grade: B

Misc. notes & observations:

I’ll keep this short and sweet. After all, I think I said everything I really needed to say up above.

— I guess Nanbu always gives his fighters a dog-racing ticket.

— Right before joining his team, Sachio plucks one of the buttons on this backpack. I don’t recall if the episode ever revisits this again in the epilogue, though.

— Removing his integrated gear apparently sapped a lot of Yuri’s stamina. I wonder how this fight would’ve played out if he had had more time to recover. At the same time, however, look how far Joe has come in such a short amount of time. I think it’s pretty obvious that Yuri’s the better fighter, but if they had had the same upbringing, advantages, and training, who really knows?

— I think Yukiko’s being somewhat naive if she thinks she can convince the military not to attach weapons to her vaunted technology. I mean, c’mon, you’re selling it to an organization whose job is to fight and win wars.

— I suppose Yuri has enough winnings that he can simply retire. Joe shouldn’t have that luxury though, right? He still has to make a living somehow. Plus, won’t both men eventually desire companionship? Love? I’m not saying that the anime should answer these questions. These are not important questions at all. I’m just curious as to how their lives would play out. Could you imagine Joe settling down with a steady job and a family? Then again, maybe all he needs is Yuri.

— Those mini-gears are adorable.

— Maybe Yukiko can be a bro and develop a gear that will help Yuri walk again.

With his friends’ help (and Nine Alpha’s sacrifice), Hiro eventually makes his way to Zero Two. Cue the same ol’ “I’m a monster and you’re not” drama. Luckily, Trigger and CloverWorks aren’t dumb enough not to go through an extended song-and-dance about this very topic again. Hiro simply has to reaffirm his love for Zero Two, and as a result, their relationship is quickly and thankfully back to normal. Kinda. The girl is now literally a gigantic mecha, but I mean, what man hasn’t fantasized about death by snoo snoo? He can even brag about how his girlfriend has the largest T&A in the entire universe. Unfortunately, Hiro didn’t come up here to drag the klaxosaurs’ MVP away from the battle. In fact, Strelizia can’t even operate anywhere close to its greatest potential without a stamen. It’s a wonder why Zero Two even bothered to leave without Hiro in the first place. But I’ll talk about this later in the notes below. Point is, Hiro and Zero Two have to go away for now. They’re going to keep fighting, and the rest of Squad 13 doesn’t get to join them. The teamwork ends here, because Hiro’s friends can no longer accompany him. Hell, they went as far as they could. They literally went into space for the guy. But leaving the solar system is apparently where we’ll draw the line. We hate to admit it, but friends grow apart all the time. And we don’t stop liking each other either. It’s just life, man. Life eventually sends us all in different directions, and there’s really nothing that we can do about it. Not without sacrificing some happiness, of course.

Our power couple have to make sure VIRM never threatens the peace again — anyone’s peace, for that matter —  so they’re going to bring the fight directly to those conformist assholes. With the spaceship serving as a giant bomb, too. This means, however, taking a warp gate that will send both of them far, far away from home. At the very least, they won’t be in the solar system anymore. More importantly, they’ll be far, far away from their friends. Will they ever come home? Will they even survive? Probably. After all, we still have one entire episode left. There’s no way we’re getting nothing but a peaceful time skip in next week’s episode. At the very least, something big and grandiose is going to have to happen. Otherwise, humanity will be screwed. Sure, the kids can retreat to Mistilteinn for now, but that tiny patch of fertile land cannot sustain an entire civilization. We also have way too many loose ends to tie up. For instance, one of the previous episodes made a big fucking deal about a certain giant spear, but we have yet to see it again. And didn’t VIRM say something about how the Star Child is too dangerous to exist? Too dangerous for the entire universe? Well, all I’m saying is that we have 24 minutes of plot left. As much as we want to joke about it, Hiro mounting Zero Two again is nowhere close to the series’ climax. Hold onto your butts, ’cause the story’s going to pull a lot out of its ass in next week’s finale.

Misc. notes & observations:

— Kind of a cool moment.

— Kokoro tells Mitsuru that he didn’t have to stay with her. He could’ve found another partner. He replies, however, that he wants to take responsibility. This must have been the wrong answer, because he’ll insist later that it isn’t about taking responsibility. Hm.

— At first, I really wondered what they were going to do with Zero Two’s human body if Hiro and the actual Zero Two are blasting off on their space journey, but the anime eventually takes care of this minor plot point. Good for them, too. One less mouth to feed. Plus, there’s the awkward matter of someone having to bathe and clean the girl’s body.

— Another shot I kinda like.

— So most of the kids manage to find replicas of their FRANXXs on the spaceship? They just happen to be black? The klaxosaurs had this all planned out? They just knew that these exact parasites would want to join the fight? The show really, really glosses over this, and I don’t exactly buy it. Luckily, I like the show enough that I don’t really care.

— The Nines, of course, still have to pilot their old, shitty FRANXXs. Y’know, the ones that look exactly alike, because they are all clones of Zero Two. And for some reason, the Nines are all interchangable, i.e. Nine Alpha can operate as both a stamen or a pistil. So how come the Nines are all boys if they’re all clones of Zero Two? I mean, even if you say that they’re androgynous-looking — and I’d disagree about that — why do they nevertheless deviate so much from the girl? Then again, remember when the Nines confronted the kids about Kokoro’s desire to have children? They were super misogynist about it, so maybe whoever created the Nines just really hated women so much that they made sure Zero Two’s clones resembled the opposite sex.

— Hachi and Nana are astonished the spaceship’s controls are “so similar.” So Hachi goes, “Perhaps klaxo sapiens weren’t all that different from humans.” What a coincidence, huh? Two intelligent species developed on the same planet in almost the exact same way. Maybe there’s a stronger causal link between the two civilizations, but it’s not as if DitF has the time to explore this concept. As a result, it’s yet another plot point that the series has to gloss over. Would I watch 40-50 episodes of DitF? I think I would. Obviously, I can’t speak for everybody.

— Oh Nana, you know you have empathy.

— Space battles always look like a huge, chaotic mess. At least the main ship has a shield.

— Unfortunately, the animation isn’t too hot when things start getting kinetic. When the frame rate isn’t incredibly choppy, the “camera” often zooms way out, so we can’t exactly see the FRANXXs in action. This shot here is about the best that we can get from this episode.

— So when the kids get to the battlefield, they find Strelizia mostly motionless. Remember, the giant mecha can fire a massive fuck-off laser from its horn, but for some reason, it isn’t doing so. Nine Alpha speculates that Strelizia can’t really show off what it can do without a stamen. More importantly, Zero Two can’t fight without Hiro. So what was the point of leaving him behind? Could they really have won this war without Streliza operating at full capacity? So if she was likely to lose anyways, then VIRM would just return one day to fuck Earth up again. She’s not really protecting Hiro by ditching him. Sure, sure, she wanted to protect him and his humanity, and emotions aren’t always logical. But I dunno, as much as I like the show, this drama felt a little unnecessary. It’s like the time Ichigo kept Zero Two and Hiro apart just for the two lovebirds to reconcile in the very next episode. This just happened again, didn’t it? But instead of Ichigo, it’s Zero Two breaking her own promise to Hiro. After all they’ve been through, after fate’s numerous attempts to pull them apart, she still runs away from the guy just for them to reconcile in the very next episode!

— So ideally, what should have happened? Maybe they should’ve talked about it, then come to a mutual decision to leave Earth together. Then when the rest of Squad 13 go up into space to get Hiro and Zero Two back, they learn that those two have to go far, far away. Essentially, we’re getting the same desired result, but without Zero Two having to undo parts of her character development by breaking her promise.

— I can’t say I’m too impressed by this mass of VIRM units.

— Hiro’s about to reunite with Zero Two when this giant boy gets in the way. As a result, Nine Alpha forcibly ejects Hiro from the cockpit and self-destructs his FRANXX in order to prevent the enemy from interfering. Again, in a longer series, we could’ve explored the Nines and their conflicts a little better. Why are they so determined to help their sister Iota now? Don’t they want to reunite with Papa? We can all kinda infer the answers to these questions, but that’s my point: once again, the show glosses over something important. Unfortunately, they go from being Papa’s devoted children to going kamikaze in battle. It’s a lost opportunity to explore the mindset of both a clone and a child that has been abandoned by their father.

— Also, this line is just like… c’mon, you don’t have enough character development to say that.

— You really gotta love a girl if you don’t mind her being a mass of tentacles.

— Let’s hope this doesn’t inspire any vore doujins.

— So in Zero Two’s mind, Hiro finds the girl living in her favorite fairy tale. I kinda like that. We don’t stay here very long, however, so we don’t really get to explore what the rest of the world is like. Besides, could you really stomach the thought of Hiro chasing after the girl for an entire episode in a dream world? Had they not been pulled apart multiples time already, I probably wouldn’t mind that. But at this point, I just want the writers to make up their minds already. Either these two should stay together by now or just be torn apart from good. Then again, that’s why you’re often warned not to hook up with crazy. There are these hot-and-cold relationships out there. There are on-and-off couples all the time, and it’s usually because both individuals are a little unstable. I guess you could say the same about Hiro and Zero Two.

— No point telling the guy to remain a human. It’s already too late for that.

— The rest of the Nines soon follow their leader into their deaths. I don’t think we get to see their demise onscreen, but I doubt anyone could escape from this sticky situation. Again, the Nines’ character development simply never went anywhere.

— Hachi and Nana accompanied the kids all the way into space, but in the end, they really didn’t do much of anything. We just don’t have time for them, I suppose. All we really got was Nana talking about how she wants to mamoru the kids. Before you know it, they have to escape from the spaceship and hop onto an inelegant-looking escape pod. Anyways, I also thought the guy might bite it, but luckily, the woman convinces him not to give up (’cause he didn’t give up on her or something). These two should just kiss already. Plus, when Hachi returns to Earth, he’ll probably get to wear a gnarly eyepatch to cover up that injured eye.

— So VIRM just magically appears in the middle of space and starts talking to everyone. They don’t really have anything new to say either. Don’t resist it. Just become a hivemind with us, and enjoy a peaceful slumber. Essentially, they want the kids to grow up and conform like the adults. I think this is a big deal for Japan. For the longest time, the culture has always been about conformity and homogeneity. But the new generation is growing up, and they want to decide their own future. This culture clash often results in art that outsiders might find childish or corny. There’s no doubt that DitF is very childish and corny from a certain vantage point. Still, I like it all the same. A lot of it resonates with me even if these same themes have been better executed in other stories. I like the overall package. Over the course of the season, people have been chomping at the bit to call the show derivative (especially in relation to Neon Genesis Evangelion), but you don’t have to throw out the Rolls Royce and invent a whole new vehicle. You just want an updated model that reflects its time period.

— Yeah, Mitsuru and Kokoro have their own battles to fight! Like protecting Kokoro and her unborn baby from the rain. No, I get it. These two have their own personal conflict to tackle. I just find it funny, because I would never compare their melodrama to literally going up into space to battle an alien hivemind.

— Why does it look like Miku and Ichigo clones are standing back there?

— It cracked me up when I saw Hiro like this. I really wish he could’ve been immortalized as his own shitty drawing forever.

— We have so many different versions of Zero Two. Red-skinned Zero Two, human-form Zero Two, black-skinned Zero Two, giantess Zero Two… shit, what’s next?

— Aaaaand they’re naked. Just another classic anime trope.

— So like… did Streliza’s body just turn into flesh for some reason? And Hiro still has to pilot her on the inside, which is not organic? Whatever, it’s anime.

— Finally, we get the giant, fuck-off laser. Where’s our spear, though?

— All of a sudden, stuff happens on both Phobos and Deimos, and a giant warp gate appears before the kids. The klaxosaurs thought of everything. They built the warp gate, they built a giant Star Child to do battle with VIRM one day, they even included FRANXXs on the spaceship for Squad 13. It would be hilarious, however, if they didn’t include the Genista, because — again — they just knew Kokoro and Mitsuru wouldn’t be going up into space. Hell, what didn’t they know? How to survive as a species, I guess.

— Zero Two promises her friends that she and Hiro will return one day. Unfortunately, she’s been known to break her promises!

— Back on Earth, Zero Two’s human body turns to stone, but it doesn’t shatter. It could’ve easily done so, because that’s a common trope in fiction. So even if Zero Two and Hiro do return, will she be stuck as a giant, space-faring mecha? Eh, probably not. If there’s a happy ending, I’m sure she’ll be human-like again. After all, it’s anime, so we can always pull some magical bullshit out of our ass.

— And if there isn’t a happy ending, crazy DitF fans can just riot and prove why it’s still embarrassing to admit that you’re an anime fan in public.

You degenerates. 

— So no cold opening this week, ’cause we mean business (not really).

— Pito tells Karen that only the latter could’ve pushed her to her limits, which is funny ’cause I remember our heroine missing some point blank shots in last week’s episode. And is Karen honestly that good? Or does she just milk her unfair avatar to its fullest?

— This episode has pretty lousy animation for a finale, but maybe we can hand-wave this away by blaming everything on Karen’s video card. Yep, the “graphics” just suck, because our girl needs to upgrade her rig!

— Haha, yeah, SAO sure did suck, didn’t it? Even our loli heroine from a spinoff is smart enough to see that.

— But for some reason, calling SAO a shitty game really pisses Pito off. I guess she just wants to die that badly. There are certainly people out there always looking for a thrill. What if there was something like an underground VR MMO scene? Just people trying to relive SAO, because they can’t get their rocks off without the looming threat of actual death. That would be kinda fun to explore.

— Karen’s avatar is amazing. It can shrink and enlarge depending on the situation. I’m in awe. Or maybe her graphics card is just screwing up again, wink wink.

— At one point, Pito grabs P-chan and turns the gun on Karen. But there’s no way P-chan would betray her precious loli owner!

— Right on cue, P-chan starts talking to Karen… or maybe too much VR MMO gaming has turned our girl’s brain into mush. Either way…

— Karen realizes that there’s no bullet line coming from P-chan. When Pito pulls the trigger, the pink gun blows up in her face. Wow, I was just making a joke, you guys. I wasn’t trying to seriously suggest that the gun would literally insist on mamoruing the fuck out of Karen.

— After a quick tussle, Pito still gets the upper hand on Karen. She then tells M to come out of hiding with Miyu. At first, it looks like our villainess is going to kill Karen’s best friend first, but instead, she turns on M. She just realized that M has been doing all he can to ensure that she and Karen could have their one-on-one duel. To Karen, this is apparently M’s deep love for Pito. Uh, sure.

— And right before Pito caps M in the head, he confesses his love. Okay.

— Pito: “But you’re not allowed to bring love into the game.” Hear that, Kirito and Asuka? Cut it out, you weirdos. No one ever falls in love in MMOs. No one.

— And now it’s Karen’s turn to overreact. After M dies at Pito’s hands, the loli screams, “You’re unbelievable, you demon! Devil! Grim reaper!” C’mon, what loving gaming couple has not killed each other in a game? Tell me that!

— All of a sudden, Pito starts singing Der Erlkonig, which is just based off of a poem by Goethe anyways (which, in turn, is inspired by something even older). The poem is about a father rushing to get his delirious boy somewhere on horseback. The kid keeps telling his father that Erlkonig is after him, but of course, the man sees nothing. At the end of the poem, the kid is dead. How does this apply to Pito? At this moment, she represents the grim reaper to Karen, but in real life, the situation is entirely different. She’s afflicted by mental demons that others cannot see. She needs to do something about her obsession with death, but nobody can help her if they don’t understand her. But apparently, if Karen can show Pito that life can be just as thrilling without dying, then the latter will just stop being such a nutjob. I think that’s dumb, but whatever.

— Anyways, Miyu has a knife in her hair, so she uses that to free herself. She then charges at Pito. At the end of the day, however, the two lolis know that the kill belongs to Karen. As a result, Miyu frees her best friend by cutting her VR hands off. That’s a neat trick.

— The pink demon then starts biting Pito to death. No, really. I mean, since our villainess only has 20% of her HP left, I guess you could kill with loli bites. If you’re in critical health, a chihuahua could probably beat you up too.

— As the last seconds of Pito’s life ticks away, Karen tells the girl that it’s just a game. C’mon, it’s only a game, so chill. Chill with all this stupid dying stuff.

— M is totally grateful for this, by the way. So grateful that he must have spammed /cry in the game.

— And just like that, Pito is dead.

— Man, what a bunch of party poopers: T-S crashes the party and mops up. As a result they get to win the second ever Squad Jam. A victory’s a victory, but no one’s going to respect that.

— In the aftermath, Karen thanks all the high school lolis by buying them a bunch of cheap snacks. They return the favor by getting her a heart-shaped necklace for her birthday. Geez, the gifts are a little lopsided here.

— Afterwards, Goushi, a.k.a. M, takes both Karen and Miyu to see Pito in real life. Look, we all know it’s Elsa Kanzaki. This is like the worst kept secret ever.

— Miyu totally approves of Goushi’s looks. Too bad he’s also a nutjob.

— This is exactly what a dangerous person would say.

— Minors? Well, she’s right. Apparently, you’re considered a minor if you’re under 20. Karen’s about to graduate to adulthood, but she’s not quite there yet.

— We still got a bunch of time left in the episode, so Goushi decides to regale us with the oh-so-romantic love story about how he and Elsa first met. The man used to be fat… like super fat.

— He also used to stalk Elsa, but then she turned it around on him by beating and berating the shit out of the guy. Afterwards, he became her manservant because he likes being mistreated. Yeah, I don’t know either. At some point, he lost a bunch of weight.

— Goushi is still trying to pretend as though Pito isn’t really Elsa, so he tells Karen that Pito owns a music club. In any case, we get to watch a private Elsa concert.

— Oh boy, generic pop music. Nevertheless, it brings Miyu to tears.

— After the terrible concert, this woman pretends to be Pito, but Karen walks right past her to Elsa. We all know Pito is really a loli in real life. C’mon, this is SAO Alternative’s shtick. It’s a lolipalooza. The show is so obsessed with lolis that even the super-tall Karen wants to be one.

— I think most supermodels are around 5’9″ or 5’10”. Karen’s a little bit taller than that, but 6’0″ models aren’t exactly rare. I’m just musing.

— Anyways, Karen has known for a while now that Pito was none other than Elsa. After all, it is the worst kept secret. But seriously, who else would’ve known about LLENN?

— Elsa proceeds to put the moves on Karen, but Goushi isn’t even fazed. He’s a fanatic, so he’ll love whatever she does. If Elsa wants to dump him for a woman, he’d love that too.

— In the after credits scene, we see Karen and Elsa hang out in GGO, but there really isn’t much more for the story to say. Elsa merely tells her friend that she no longer cares about dying. She can have fun in other ways. Sure.

— So… yeah, that’s Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online for ya. It’s not as bad as SAO, but I mean, it’s not as interesting either. None of the characters are all that interesting. For instance, Karen’s complex was just an excuse to make her a loli. As soon as she won the first Squad Jam, her complex pretty much disappeared from the story, and she barely had anything else going for her. As for Elsa/Pito’s obsession with death… god, I don’t even know what to say about that. It was never really fully developed, then it went away just as easily as it had arrived. All in all, the show’s pretty mediocre. I don’t know why people are so impressed by the action, because it’s pretty average if you don’t know anything about shooters. If you do know anything about shooter, however, you’d quickly realize how unrealistic the whole thing is.

— Last but not least, I wouldn’t really want a sequel to this show. I don’t hate the girls, but the story doesn’t exactly give them a lot of room to breathe and grow. Unlike SAO, it doesn’t look as though Karen would ever be interested in trying other games. Even though she’s no longer really depressed about her height in real life, she gives no indication of branching out. As long as she still has that loli avatar, she appears to be a GGO gamer for life. But that’s precisely the problem, because GGO sucks ass. A sequel would just mean another shitty Squad Jam. Do you want to watch another Squad Jam? ‘Cause I don’t.

Final grade: C-

With Yusuke as this week’s focus, Ren is starting to go through his friends’ stories like a hot knife through butter. But this time, CloverWorks finally decides to take some liberties.

— The episode opens with a pair of individuals being arrested. I’ve never heard of this guy nor his father. Maybe the game mentioned them on the TV at Leblanc that I rarely ever watched.

— In any case, Akechi dropping by the cafe and engaging Ren in an extended conversation is definitely new. It’s actually astonishing to me that the detective prince has so many fans outside of the game, because the game never really used his character to its fullest potential. I think the writers’ intent was to have him play a cat-and-mouse game with the Phantom Thieves, but that never really panned out. But with the adaptation, Akechi has a second chance to play a larger role. Big spoilers coming up for anyone who hasn’t played the game…

— More importantly, he has a second chance to convince us why we should give a shit about his eventual fate. That’s one of the things I never really understood. The dude had so many apologists inside and outside the game. Hell, your party members practically want to take him back with open arms. Fuck that. He’s a psychotic murderer. I don’t care if he was put on this path by an evil god and a terrible upbringing, he still had to pull the trigger. But anyways, like I was saying, if Akechi spends enough time with Ren in the adaptation, maybe we’ll have a stronger reason to care about him. I probably still won’t, but I have the luxury of knowing who he really is. He’s already scum in my eyes, but we’ll see.

— I like the chess board is obscured by the chair, because they don’t want actual chess experts to pick apart the game. Hey, don’t look at me. Like Ren, I don’t even know the rules of the game. I don’t care for board games. Never have, never will.

— You can never count on Ryuji to keep your secrets. The Phantom Thieves are getting popular by the day, and all this attention is getting to the kid’s head. The guy who has been seen as a delinquent and a loser all his life finally has the chance to be adored and worshiped by the masses. Is it any wonder that he often screws up? Ryuji’s still a big idiot though, so don’t get me wrong.

— Morgana also splits with Ren to hang out with Ann and Makoto. I think that’s also new. I don’t recall seeing this in the game. Also, Makoto has a very wide-eyed look for some reason.

— But like I said at the top of this post, this is a Yusuke-centric episode. Our eccentric boy is starting to realize that artists need to eat too. Nobody wants to sell out, but at the same time, nobody wants to starve to death and only be remembered posthumously.

— What’s new here, however, is Akechi’s huge involvement in the side story. This is fine, though. In the game, he never really shows off his detective chops. You are instead told over and over that he is brilliant. At least the adaptation is taking steps to remedy that. And y’know, should there ever be a remaster of the game, maybe we’ll get a more involved social link with Akechi. As much as I love the game on a sentimental level, it has a lot of holes.

— I never really understood how something like this could inspire Yusuke. But at the same time, I’m not an artist nor will I ever be one. The only creative thing I’ve ever done was write a few terrible short stories in my youth. And now, all I do all day is write unit tests… ho hum.

— You also don’t run into Kin-ki in the game. Instead, you fight a bunch of slimes. After all, the game doesn’t want you to wipe in the middle of a social link. The adaptation, however, wants to spice things up a bit.

— Ren summons a Lamia, so that puts him at around level 26 or higher. I don’t know why I’m keeping track of his progress. It just fascinates me for some reason.

— Anyways, Yusuke ends up producing… this black swirl. It looks bad, because it’s supposed to be bad. What I find perplexing is when he finally paints something that people actually like, but we’ll get to that at the very end of the episode.

— Oh man, that sushi actually looks good. Unfortunately, top notch sushi here is at least 100 bucks a head.

— Kawanabe runs a foundation that supports aspiring artists. He wants to free them from their stifling financial burdens. At first glance, however, it would seem as though he’s only interested in Yusuke for the kid’s notoriety. Obviously, our artist isn’t pleased about this.

— Geez, Akechi, don’t you think you’re being a little clingy.

— In any case, the detective prince starts telling Ren all about how there’s shady business surrounding Kawanabe. Afterwards, we even see them working together as they try to crack the case. This is definitely an anime original side story. There’s nothing evil at all about the man in the game.

— Ren hits a home run and reminds me that I never bothered with the mini-game. It’s just not my thing. I love baseball, though.

— We proceed to get a very abridged version of Yusuke’s social link, including everyone’s favorite moment. Hifumi even gets a cameo. In the end, however, Yusuke is inspired by his dearest friends. There’s nothing inherently wrong with desire! Art is subjective! Last but not least, you have to fight for others! As a result, Yusuke decides to inject a little hope into his paintings.

— But before his latest piece is revealed, Ren looks as though he’s trying to confront Kawanabe by listing off a bunch of damning names. The old man, however, acts as if he has no idea what our hero is talking about.

— Later that night, we get our plot twist. So like the game, Kawanabe is completely innocent. Instead, his right-hand man is the corrupt individual! So we didn’t take too much liberties with Yusuke’s story, but we did give Akechi something to be happy about. He gets to catch another criminal and look good in front of Ren.

— At the latest exhibit, Yusuke reveals his triumphant painting. He titles it “Desire and Hope.” Again, I’m not an artist, and I had a terrible time with my art electives in college. I’m sorry, but art history bores the fuck out of me. All those names and dates to remember about some random fucking triptych…. who the hell cares? My point is, I just want to establish that I’m not an expert. So with that out of the way, I gotta say that I have no clue how a painting like this can actually win anything. I think it’s fucking terrible.

— Like in the game, Kawanabe reveals that he was just trying to goad Yusuke all along. More importantly, he’s seen Madarame’s good side, so he can’t fully condemn his former friend. Even if the disgraced artist was evil, he still raised Yusuke like his own son… or something. I mean, freaking out over the kid’s health once isn’t going to change my mind, but let’s just play along.

— Anyways, Kawanabe doesn’t want other artists to succumb to their greed like Madarame. As a result, he offers Yusuke his foundation’s support once more. Our eccentric boy, however, believes in not only himself, but his friends as well. He won’t ever turn to evil, because the power of friendship is just that awesome. But hey, maybe he’s right. All of the bosses in the game were probably loners. Could you imagine anyone being friends with Kamoshida? He had butt-kissers, sure, but genuine friends? Probably not. The same goes for the rest of them. So pay attention, kids! If you’re a loner, you’ll probably have your own kickass palace where all your fantasies come true. Like Ann in a bathing suit. Wait a minute…

— Next week looks to be another Makoto-centric episode. Sure, we just spent a bunch of time with her, but she still needs to ask Ren to teach her about love. I kid, I kid… the adaptation probably wouldn’t include that scene.

— In the after credits scene, Ren actually shows us a bit of his personality. It appears as though he had deduced a while ago that Kawanabe was innocent. As a result, he was really trying to rattle the old man’s second-in-command. It then looks though Ren manages to beat Akechi in a chess match as they engage in a verbal duel over the Phantom Thieves’ brand of justice. I mean, just look at the way the guy is sweating:

— I think this episode is fine. Nothing mind-blowing, but I actually like the changes that CloverWorks made to Yusuke’s side story. In the game, Ren never really shows off his smarts. The anime, however, wants to prove that the main character can stand toe-to-toe with the detective prince. Time will tell if CloverWorks can be successful with this endeavor.

— That’s it for today’s updates, though. Tomorrow, I’ll get to the latest My Hero Academia episode, then I’ll wrap everything else. Hopefully, I’ll get to watch the Hisone to Masotan finale by then.