Remember Super Mario 64? Yeah, this wall scroll is a bit like that. 

— First things first, we see yet another iteration of Aoi’s first encounter ever with an ayakashi. Boy, I sure do love seeing the same scene over and over with only slight variations to break up the monotony.

— So what’s new this time around? The masked ayakashi had promised to take Aoi to his realm one day. Also, he would take her as his bride. That’s creepy, man. I said before, but I’ll say it again: who goes to a child and says, “I’mma marry you, girl!”

— When Aoi wakes up, she finds herself in bed with Ginji tending to her. Y’see, after all those episodes with Odanna — and that near kiss in the Dragon Palace — it’s time for the pendulum to swing back in Ginji’s favor. But don’t be naive! The girl’s not going to make her pick anytime soon! The whole point behind this silly charade is to keep you viewers (or readers for the light novel) hooked!

— As a result of Raiju’s shenanigans, Aoi has not only lost her voice but also her sense of taste. Well, that’s gonna make it hard for her to cook. Unfortunately, her silence is only short-lived. You’ll see.

— This is why you don’t accept candy from strangers. Whatever Raiju slipped into Aoi’s mouth was designed to react to the secret liquor and thus rob her voice and taste. How oddly specific.

— Ginji obviously wants to give Raiju a piece of his mind, but these ayakashi are all wimps. They all act as if the creepy jerk is untouchable for whatever reason. Maybe it’s tradition, but that doesn’t excuse everything. If one aspect of your culture sucks, fix it.

— In any case, Ranmaru has to deliver the bad news: Aoi’s getting benched. Look, kid, if you can’t perform in the big game, then you just gotta sit on the sidelines.

— After everyone leaves, Aoi can only helplessly cry in bed. More importantly, she goes, “They really do exist — ayakashi who just have ill will for no reason.” Uh, is this a joke? Did she really assume that ayakashi were just all good people? Shit, didn’t Oryo try to get Aoi killed just because she was jealous? Hasn’t Odanna had to warn her over and over that she’ll get eaten if she doesn’t disguise herself in public? Didn’t someone send an assassin after her? How naive can you be?

— Frustrated with her situation, our heroine gets up and tries to cook something — anything — to see if her taste is truly FUBAR. Yes, yes it is. So she goes, “I’m just someone with no real usefulness now.” Girl, that’s only true if all you can do is cook. That’s why you go to college to become a well-rounded per–… oh… oooooh. Psst, don’t drop out of school to frolic with the ayakashi. At least get your degree first, kids!

— On the plus side, Chibi likes the omurice. You have to keep in mind, however, that the kappa’s favorite food is cucumber. Compared to cucumbers, tomatoes are spicy, so let’s just say I wouldn’t rely on Chibi’s Yelp reviews if I can help it.

— Elsewhere, Ginji rushes to Raiju’s room for what I’m sure is a friendly conversation. When he and Ranmaru both get there, however, all they find is the ugly dog. I bet you the lightning dork has decided to go bug Aoi again.

— Yep.

— Raiju then gulps up Aoi’s omurice, but claims that it is bad. I guess he’s trying to troll her, bless his heart.

— Chibi then tries to beat the lightning dork with a cucumber, but unless he’s a cat, I doubt this will be very effective.

— Afterwards, Raiju gets all handsy with Aoi, and this is the cue for Ginji to come roaring back and scream, “Get away from Aoi-san!” Oooh, feisty. But immediately after the commercial break, he adds a please. What a polite nine-tailed fox. I-I-I do beg your pardon, but would you please refrain from molesting my friend?

— Ginji also adds that Aoi belongs to Odanna. See, that’s the problem with this guy. He respects Odanna too much. Even if he is the masked ayakashi from Aoi’s past — and I don’t think that he is, but that’s not important right now — he would never, ever betray his master. He would always defer to Odanna. Even if Odanna was like, “Yo, you can have her,” Ginji would feel too ashamed to pursue a relationship with Aoi.

— In any case, he goes, “That little Aoi-san is still alive…,” and this makes Aoi instantly come to the conclusion that Ginju must be that masked ayakashi. Maybe. Or hell, maybe both Ginji and Odanna visited Aoi! Tell me, what proper man wouldn’t seek out a scared, hungry, frightened little girl who just got abandoned by her mother and tell her that he’ll marry her one day. Tell me that, ya damn prudes! Welcome to anime, bitches!

— What happens next honestly surprises me. I expected someone to show up and save the day, but I didn’t think it would be Byakuya of all people. Really? That accounting nerd? Not only that, Raiju is just randomly scared of Byakuya. Scared shitless, in fact.

— After an exchange of words — where we find out that Raiju was indeed responsible for Aoi’s assassination attempt — the above happens. I say simply the above, because I don’t really know what is happening. I can only assume Byakuya is attacking a lightning god with lightning… and it’s working. But what’s working? Again, I don’t know, because before I can say “This anime sucks,” Raiju’s gone. Is he dead? No, Byakuya simply tells Aoi that the pervy ayakashi had run away. Um, okay… did you maybe think to animate that, Gonzo? No? Welp, it’s your adaptation.

— And because it’s Gonzo’s adaptation, the rest of the episode is just a bunch of people sitting in the room, spouting exposition. Yaaaaaaay.

— So remember these dorks? They’re back! They’re back because they have the Hourai branchamajig. Those horny toads were just scammers, but good thing we can trust royalty!

— Y’see, while all this nonsense was happening at Orio-ya, Odanna was quite busy behind the scenes. He discovered the true location of the Hourai branchamajig, and in exchange for this information, he negotiated for both Aoi and Ginji’s return to Tenjin-ya one day. That’s why the nine-tailed fox is not a true rival. Look, it’s a total power move to also secure your woman’s side dude.

— Did Byakuya just tell them to make Raiju say uncle?

— So the royal couple will just hand over the branchamajig, right? Not so fast, my friends! We still have three episodes left after this, so of course, we have to go on an adventure… and adventure into a wall scroll!

— So the couple keeps all of their family treasure within the scroll. Sounds reasonable, right? But you can’t just waltz in there and pluck the branchamajig then come home. No, you gotta climb a goddamn mountain to get to the top where the tree is. Not only that, while you’re in there, your goddamn spiritual power is being sapped. Finally, as the brilliant cherry on top of this retarded setup, you’ll encounter illusions within this contain space. That’s right, illusions. This is like me going, “Hey babe, I’m just gonna go grab that old family album out of the storage real quick. I’ll be back in a jiffy. I’ll just have to climb Mount Everest and drop some acid.” Who does this? Why would you do this? Why can’t you keep your damn treasures in a sensible but secure location? Why does it have to be a survival game?

— Alright, you know the deal: Aoi’s food can restore your spiritual power, so she’s obviously coming along. As a result, Byakuya hands over medicine, which Aoi happily chugs without a second thought.

— Once again, she wakes up in bed. She really gotta stop blacking out like that. It’s not healthy.

— So did the medicine work? You’re probably thinking that it was a panacea to all of our troubles, right? Wrong. It doesn’t restore the girl’s sense of taste. Nope. Instead, it simply restores her voice. Great, just great.

— And away we goooooooooo~! But not before we pack some goddamn cucumbers.

— I feel bad for anyone who are still following my posts on this series. I’m just taking the piss now.

It’s hard to get excited about this anime anymore, but like a lot of shows at this point in the season, I just tell myself that it’s almost over. 

— If you’ll recall, Haysin and Backup — yes, the hacker kid’s name is Backup — are competing to see who will become stronger, Ton or Shinyao. What do you get if you win? Beats me. Haysin simply says that everything is on the line. Okay.

— Speaking of Ton, look at our heroine’s precious face.

— Midnight Sun has analyzed the howls of our precious werewolves, and as a result, they learned that Shinyao intends to drop by the cafe. The place is thus surrounded by totally conspicuous men in suits. It’s like they’re not even trying to be competent. Nevertheless, Ton won’t be united with her friend anytime soon.

— In the meantime, Greg Gregory — again, that’s his actual name — asks the Twilights to help him with the troubles at the museum. This is basically just an excuse to see Ton in action. Believe it or not, the girl is now stronger than the boys. The only issue is that she doesn’t have much stamina.

— By the way, Van Helsing is still alive. I should’ve figured. And even though Vlad showed him mercy, he still intends to fight the Umbras at any cost. How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man?

— This anime is so half-assed. For instance, take the composition of this scene. Practically all of their faces are obscured for no good reason.

— They’re hiding! And while they’re hiding, Shinyao thanks Chris for showing her around London. Sigh.

— Our heroes decide to hatch a plan. Since Midnight Sun is tracking Ton’s phone via the Snowmary app (why not just uninstall it?), the guys decide to pull a little misdirection on the bad guys. Luke and Toryo will head to Camden in order to lure the enemy’s eyes from Ton. As a result, she can meet up with Shinyao in a totally different location. Yeah, they’re gonna screw this up somehow.

— Y’see, Haysin saw this all coming somehow. That’s why he summoned those weird creatures from the museum. One of them is literally just waiting for Ton to show up. She defeats it with ease, but Haysin never intended to harm her. Not yet, anyways. I’m still not exactly sure what he wants with “the second coming of Sha Rijan.” Yeah, that’s the other major problem with this show. Our villains have pretty no compelling motivation to do what they do.

— Elsewhere, Shinyao and Chris can hear that there are trouble in the distance. In the end, he is unwilling to swallow his pride to accept his brother’s help. As a result, he also want to use himself as a decoy. God, don’t we have enough decoys? Plus, is it really all that smart to leave the girl all by herself?

— Luke and Toryo eventually run into Haysin’s other toy. Up until this episode, I thought that our bishies were pretty capable, but all of a sudden, they’re completely useless now. Luke begs for Vlad’s help, but the problem is that Ton insists on coming along. Everyone seemingly agrees that if she doesn’t show up, the boys are toast. Even though this means she won’t be able to meet up with Shinyao, she feels that her friend would want her to help the bishies. Well, if you say so…

— And yes, Ton does extinguish the flaming minotaur.

— Anyways, I half-expected Shinyao to get captured as soon as Chris left her side, but nope, they’re just going to get surrounded right now. Despite all of Wayne’s best efforts, Backup still easily tracks down Shinyao’s position. The girl tries to protect her werewolf bishie by not putting the fight, but the guy foolishly tries to save her. And just like that, he gets a bullet right in the head.

— Now, I want to be like, “Damn, holy shit, he just died!” But I almost feel like the story’s going to cop out and bring the stupid werewolf back to life somehow.

— By the time Ton gets to the designated meeting spot, all she and her bishies find is a lot of blood on the ground. Welp, maybe you should’ve prioritized your helpless BFF over some hot dudes. Didn’t you get the memo? Besties before testes, sister.

Why am I not surprised? 

How Not to Summon a Demon Lord Ep. 9

Plot Content:

— First, we see a woman with long red hair murdering people, because she thinks mortals suck. She sure sounds and looks like Alicia. It’s Alicia, isn’t it? Oooh, our four-eyed knight has a naughty side!

— Afterwards, we see a dude murdering people, because he thinks they’re worshiping the demon lord. Well, duh… he’s a guy, but he’s not the harem lead. As a result, he’s either a bad guy, a loser, or both!

— I like how the bodies are evenly spaced apart.

— Said dude is a paladin, and his name is Saddler. He takes special joy out of torturing people out of some mad quest to root out evil. Basically, it’s religious extremism. Anyways, he’s headed for Faltra, because he heard something about a demon lord lurking around the city. Hmmm.

— Elsewhere, Shera summons and bounds a poor bird to her. I feel bad for the thing. It looks like it can barely breathe.

— During bath time, Edelgard suddenly shows up of nowhere to take a closer look at Rem. She’s a Fallen, so she basically has a fetish for demon lords.

— Now that Rem’s secret is out, she may as well fill Shera in on the details. At first, the girl is hesitant, because she doesn’t want to scare one of her few friends off. But this is Shera we’re talking about; she’s too much of an airhead to be mean-spirited.

— Edelgard offers to teach Diablo a ritual that will extract Krebskulm from Rem, which Diablo seriously considers. After all, he wants to rid the loli of her burden. The only question, however, is whether or not he can defeat the thing once it emerges.

— I wouldn’t go to a restaurant with one cat let alone eight of them.

— When Alicia returns to Faltra, she immediately tries to hide Diablo. After all, not only is Diablo a self-proclaimed demon lord (and naming yourself “Diablo” can’t help), but he’s even trying to summon one! It’s for a good cause, but Saddler doesn’t know that!

— Despite Alicia’s best efforts, the party runs into the murderous bastard anyways. Saddler claims to have divine powers, which he uses to choke Rem. But upon closer inspection, Diablo realizes that the guy is full of it. He’s just casting a spell, but somehow disguising the magic part.

— When Saddler then turns his attention to Diablo, his spell is reflected back on him. As a result, he turns into a statue. So, uh, we should kill this guy, right? Well, the problem is that Diablo doesn’t know about Saddler’s crimes. Hell, he doesn’t know anything about Saddler period. Alicia, on the other hand, does know all about Saddler’s crimes, but she doesn’t say anything. As a result, the petrification will eventually wear off, and you can bet your ass that Saddler will go after our harem lead and his babes again.

— Later that day, the group is about to go meet up with Edelgard, but Rem also wants to reveal her secret to Alicia. After all, they’re nakama. Diablo doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but it’s the loli’s call. As he watches the three girls hug, he can’t help but get a bad feeling in his stomach. He shakes it off, however, and just attributes this to him being socially awkward.

— At the very top of the tower where the girls first summon Diablo into this world, Edelgard waits patiently for Diablo and Rem.

Harem Content:

— Out of nowhere, Shera insists that Rem stinks, so they go and take a bath. In this fantasy world, there are no such things as bathing suits. As a result, the girls all get naked.

— If you click here, the FBI will be outside your door.

— Rem insists over and over that catgirls like herself do not have smelly sweat. She also claims that her sweat isn’t salty. Naturally, Shera would try and verify this statement by licking her friend’s body. What? Girls don’t lick each other in the showers?

— In retaliation, Rem fondles Shera’s breasts? Wait, this is retaliation?

— And like I said up top, Krebskulm is actually a loli. I bet you she’ll become yet another haremette somehow. Just you wait and see…

The Master of Ragnarok & Blesser of Einherjar Ep. 9

Plot Content:

— Mitsuki goes to see her best friend’s sister Saya. What’s special about her is that she has a Ph.D in archaeology. Obviously, everything she says is gonna be pure gold.

— After listening to Mitsuki’s wild story about Yuuto being stuck in Yggdrasil, Saya draws parallels between Yuuto and Surtr, the jotunn who plays a big role in bringing about Ragnarok. As a result, Mitsuki starts freaking out. Oh no, is Yuuto gonna die?!

— Yeah, it’s called mythology for a reason, lady.

— Back in Yggdrasil, Yuuto feels guilty over the loss of lives in the last battle. Meh.

— Meanwhile, the girls plan to present him with a fancy new cape. Oh boy.

— To nobody’s surprise, Loptr still hates the harem lead. He also hilariously blames his murder on Yuuto. He made me kill my own father! That cur!

— Near the end of the episode, Yuuto finally manages to get a hold of Mitsuki, who then tells him all about how she had a talk with her best friend’s cousin. The guy starts getting weirdly jealous and insecure. Like dude, that’s just a bad look.

— On the other hand, Mitsuki tries to confess her feelings, but she goes about it in a roundabout way. Yuuto may know a thing or two about military strategies, but it looks like he’s clueless when it comes to Natsume Soseki.

— Confused by his last conversation with Mitsuki, Yuuto goes on a walk to clear his head. When he wanders into a bar, he meets a girl who looks a whole like Mitsuki… but that makes no sense, because his childhood friend is Japanese.

Harem Content:

— Felicity’s boobs somehow come to life and knock an orange out of her fruit basket.

— Mitsuki gets her breasts groped, because that’s what BFFs do.

— Sigyn continues to risk catching a cold, tsk tsk…

Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs Ep. 8

— Genshiro lets us know that you can definitely impregnate a ghost. Good to know.

— What he’s worried about, however, is whether or not his bride-to-be has been defiled by another man. ‘Cause y’know, we still put too much stock in a person’s virginity.

— For a guy who wants to impregnate a ghost against her will, it’s odd how Genshiro can’t even say the word “sex.”

— Meanwhile, Sagiri tries to rescue Yuuna, but she gets sucker-punched in the back by Oboro. So much for being a sneaky ninja…

— Why does this sucker punch have to tear up her clothes? Because you want to see her tits, that’s why.

— A fight ensues between the two girls, but it just results in more attacks to Sagiri’s ample bosom. Has our precious ninja ever managed to win a single battle onscreen?

— When we next see Sagiri, her clothes are ripped up in all the right places. And yes, Oboro wants Genshiro to impregnate the ninja girl too.

— Yuuna tries once more to sacrifice herself for the sake of her friends, but she does so with tears in her eyes. As a result, it’s time for Kogarashi to get serious.

— He taunts Genshiro by telling tall tales about how he’s done lewd stuff to Yuuna. This causes the latter to summon the power of the black dragon god and thus boot Kogarashi into the rock ceiling. It almost seems like Kogarashi did this on purpose in order to free himself from his restraints. But look, if he’s strong enough to withstand Genshiro’s attack, why isn’t he strong enough to just free himself in the first place?

— Kogarashi then defeats Genshiro in one punch. Yep, just one punch, man.

— We then get some stupid flashbacks from Oboro all about how it’s “their” mission to help the Ryuuga clan secure a powerful offspring. As a result, “they” are gonna try and fight Kogarashi.

— So why will Oboro succeed where Genshiro failed? Well, Kogarashi claims that he can’t punch a girl, and look who just happens to have boobs?!

— Wow, I’m so shocked… who would have guess that a character who looks and sounds like a woman in a harem anime is actually a woman?

— Not only is Sagiri useless in combat, she’s pretty dumb too.

— Luckily, Kogarashi doesn’t have to break his one rule, because Yaya and Nonko eventually show up to help their friends out.

— Eventually, Oboro calms down and realizes that it’s foolish to try and challenge a guy who could defeat Genshiro so easily. But first, they need to convince the guy to give up on Yuuna and Sagiri.

— As a result, they hatch a silly charade in which the two girls were so happy to marry him that they just ascended to heaven right there and then. For such a powerful black dragon god, he sure is stupid.

— After everything is all said and done, Kogarashi once again reaffirms his promise to make Yuuna happy. Dude, if you like her, just admit it.

— Meanwhile, Oboro continues to fixate on Kogarashi, so when we next see her…

— …she’s naked in Kogarashi’s futon. Look, if they’re not going to let Genshiro impregnate Kogarashi’s haremettes, then he may as well impregnate Oboro. Fair enough, right?

Your moment of zen:

Current mood. Short post this week. Just not feeling it. My company wants to pile even more responsibilities onto my plate again, but when will I get a new job title and thus increased compensation? TBD! It’s funny how salary is always the last thing on the list for them to figure out. If you’re curious what I do for a living, let’s just say there’s a kanban board and lots of bad pull requests that are never thoroughly tested. But I digress. Hopefully, I can catch up on my weeb shows next week.

Chio’s School Road Ep. 9

Chio pole-dancing outta nowhere is probably the funniest moment so far in this entire series. Then Ando shows up, and I’m back to being semi-bored.

Grand Blue Ep. 8

Crabs in a bucket waste their lives cock-blocking each other.

Overlord III Ep. 9

Jircniv goes to apologize to Ainz in person (by pinning the blame on someone else), and it’s just one big dick-measuring contest for Nazarick. Oh my God, he’s got everything! Wealth, power, status, and hot babes. Especially the hot babes. Then afterwards, we do the same tired song-and-dance where Ainz’s sycophants think that he’s smarter than he really is:

Demiurge: You fools! Did you simpletons really think that this is all there is to Ainz-sama’s brilliant plans?!

Everyone including Ainz: Eh?!

Ainz: Ahem, w-w-why don’t you tell everyone what my true intentions are?

Demiurge: I’m not worthy, but if you insist, Ainz-sama!

Like I’m not even exaggerating. This is exactly what happens. The problem, however, is that this has also happened countless times before. Nothing ever seems to change on this front. The only thing that does seem to change is humanity’s oh-so-slow realization that they need to do something about their burgeoning Ainz problem. Unfortunately, man has only ever managed to kill gods that have never existed in the first place.

Anyways, can’t root for Ainz, but I can’t root for Jircniv either. What to do, what to do…

Quick & Dirty Weekly Rankings (That You Should Totally Take Seriously)

1. High Score Girl
2. Asobi Asobase
3. Sirius the Jaeger
4. Chio’s School Road
5. Hanebado!
6. Persona 5 the Animation
7. My Hero Academia
8. Banana Fish
9. Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs
10. Planet With
11. How Not to Summon a Demon Lord
12. Shichisei no Subaru
13. Grand Blue
14. Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi
15. Harukana Receive
16. Phantom of the Twilight
17. The Master of Ragnarok & Bless of Einherjar

Yut-Lung helps Ash breaks free, and he doesn’t skip a beat in tearing down Golzine’s mansion. Still, I’ve lost a lot of excitement for this show over the past few weeks. It’s just not hitting on all cylinders. Last week, commenters pointed out that you could use Banana Fish to assassinate people. Sure, if it’s something you can discretely slip into someone’s system. Let’s not also forget that you have to then plant ideas to their heads — ideas like “kill so and so.” While the assassination angle is far more plausible than the alternative, it still doesn’t make the military angle any less difficult to swallow. I also can’t help but wonder how a victim is supposed to discern between competing influences while under the effects of the drug. Like what if shortly after consuming Banana Fish, you hear a commercial that tells you to buy and eat doggie treats. Are you now forced to buy and eat doggie treats lest you go crazy? Or is Banana Fish only capable of heightening a person’s murderous impulses? I dunno, man, anyway you look at it, it still seems like magic pixie dust to me.

Still, I think what leaves in the cold the most about the show is that the villains are just underdeveloped in general. At an early point in the episode, when Ash still thinks that the situation is hopeless, he tearfully begs to die. Of course, there’s no way on earth Arthur would show Ash any mercy, because… because he got his fingers shot off? Because he was humiliated on the mean streets of New York? I don’t doubt that some people are just bastards. These jerks probably tortured animals while growing up, so now that they have the power to pick on actual humans, they relish the opportunity. The problem for the anime, however, is that all of the bad guys seem to be wired in the exact same way. With Yut-Lung as possibly the lone exception, everyone else just seems like cold, heartless bastards without an ounce of emotional depth. Take Arthur for instance. Or the depraved pedophile Golzine. Or even Lee. They seem like they’re hellbent on torturing Ash just because he disrespected them. Like that’s it. Yawn.

Anyways…

Misc. notes & observations:

— According to Golzine’s henchmen, Eiji’s not cute enough to rape right now. Hm.

— In his dreams, Ash sees Griffin before his mind got ruined by Banana Fish. But all of a sudden, Griffin turns into Eiji. So that’s why he likes the Japanese kid that much? He sees Eiji as his older brother? And since he was too young to protect his older brother, does he now want to do everything he can to protect Eiji? Well, he’s not doing a very good job at that…

— Toxic masculinity.

— When Ash wakes up, he sees Yut-Lung instead of Eiji. I guess this plays into the Chinese guy’s jealousy. Had the circumstances been different, he’d be the one buddying up with Ash. Instead, even though he helps our hero break free, the latter can’t help but swear that he will get his revenge one day. You can’t blame Ash for this either. Yut-Lung is the reason why they all got caught.

— Elsewhere, a generic, unnamed presidential candidate is brutally murdered. We turn to see that his killer is probably his own wife. She then offs herself, which prevents anyone from asking her any questions. Still, an autopsy should clue the authorities in on the fact that her mind was severely messed up. You might then argue that since Golzine also has allies in the police force, he might able able to suppress this information from getting out, but eh… it’s not a satisfying explanation.

— I just think that even if you manage to kill one presidential candidate, it wouldn’t take long before others start catching on.

— Golzine laments the fact that wild beasts like Ash don’t have any ambitions. Instead, they just long for freedom. Sorry, but that’s a stupid sentiment to me. To a slave, what is more ambitious than freedom? Honestly now…

— There’s also nothing ambitious about being successful if you’re just riding somebody else’s coattails. Oh, so I can be rich and powerful too, and all I gotta do is let you physically and sexually abuse me? Gee, I feel so empowered.

— We got Sing out here acting like a goddamn ninja.

— Eventually, Golzine hears about Ash breaking free. I kinda wish he had gotten the news while reading a children’s book to a room full of elementary schoolchildren. Would’ve been funny.

— Anyways, Ash goes Rambo on the entire mansion. There’s not much to say here except that Jessica’s rapist gets a bullet to the head. Retributive justice is far from the best form of justice, but in non-ideal situations (i.e. when you’re up against a pedophile’s mercenary army), it’s a form of justice.

— Look at these dorks. One of them is in overalls for Christ’s sake. What is this? An ad for Osh Kosh B’gosh? They also greet Golzine’s men without weapons drawn. On the other hand, Golzine’s men do have their weapons drawn. But guess who gets shot first? Yep, Golzine’s men do. Dumb.

— Someone tells Sing that Ash had killed Shorter, and the kid can’t believe what he’s hearing! Ash and Shorter were best friends! How could he kill his best friend! He swears he’ll kill Ash if the rumors really are true. I want to say, “You should at least ask Ash for an explanation,” but y’know, people do inexplicable things. For instance, you might never expect your SO to cheat on you, but this happens way more often than it should. Basically, I don’t blame Sing for being impatient and trying harder to discern what might have happened.

— While this is all going down, the Dawson brothers are carving up Shorter’s head to examine his brain. Y’know, I expect Abraham to be a lost cause, but I guess his older brother isn’t much better either.

— Alexis manages to escape, but his lil’ bro is stopped in his tracks by Yut-Lung. The Chinese guy then paralyzes the scientist, leaving him a sitting duck for Ash.

— Immediately after saving Eiji, Ash hands his one true love over to his gang to protect. Meanwhile, he’s got unfinished business.

— Eventually, Ash discovers Abraham’s lab and finds the paralyzed scientist cowering in fear. Our hero breaks down as soon as he seems Shorter’s mangled body. He then riddles Abraham with bullets. Welp, that about does it for a character who never really had much screen time to begin with.

— Afterwards, Ash torches Shorter’s body, but hangs around long enough for Sing to show up. The latter demands answers, but Ash isn’t in the mood. So of course, this will create yet another antagonist that our hero will have to contend with in later episodes. Sigh.

— In the aftermath, Sing is forced to follow Yut-Lung’s orders to protect himself. The latter probably wants to use the former against Ash.

I skipped right to the ending to see whether or not our gang had resolved the Nozomi nonsense. They have not. Ugh. Alright, let’s go back to the beginning. 

— First things first, it’s not about being hung up on a crush. Sure, feelings are sometimes irrational, and we can’t control how we feel. But when you start freaking out over a crush that you haven’t seen nor talked to in years (possibly six years), you should’ve gotten some help a long time ago.

— Or maybe this is bad writing. Yeah, it’s just bad writing. Everything has to be hyperdramatic. As a result, Nozomi has to feel as though she’s been betrayed. Satsuki goes to meet Nozomi in real life and acts like everything’s A-OK. She even tells the latter to log into Re’Union. When Nozomi finally does so, all she finds is her man being stolen by someone she thought she could trust! That’s all fine and dandy… assuming they last met maybe a couple months ago. But considering how she formed a crush on him back in elementary school, she’s now a high schooler who is also and up-and-coming model, and she’s this messed up about a single dance? Girl, you need some goddamn meds.

— Anyways, the episode starts of in the real world. Even though Haruto rejected Satsuki, he seems to be the one in a bad mood. Meanwhile, the girl is perfectly cheerful.

— Well, it turns out she had a good cry over him, so now she’s over it. In fact, she adds that he can always come to her if Asahi ever rejects him. Ugh, don’t you have any pride, girl? Move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea… fish that aren’t presumably in love with a girl who hasn’t aged in six years.

— Anyways, they’re on their way to Nozomi’s house. Takanori is even here. Unfortunately, we have bad news: Nozomi has been missing for the past two days. Satsuki instantly thinks of the dance party, but she doesn’t say anything. The reason we’re in this mess is that we don’t communicate properly.

— The gang then turns to Clyde to track Nozomi’s movements since she logged in. Geez, where’s the privacy? In any case, this confirms Satsuki’s greatest fears: her friend had logged in, dropped by the dance party, then left… for the sky?

— Apparently, there’s a dungeon way up in the sky. It’s even known as the Dragons’ Fortress. But we’ll get to it in a bit.

— Back in Re’Union, Asahi is in a good mood. After all, she won the shit contest for all shit. I mean, she won Haruto. Woo. She’s decorating the guild base because she wants it to feel like home for all of Subaru. She wants her friends to feel comfortable in it. Yeah, well, maybe you guys should stop falling in love with each other.

— Asahi even gets all lovey-dovey with Haruto, but he’s acting as if their relationship didn’t take a big step forward or something. Maybe he truly feels that way. He rejects Satsuki, insists to Takanori that he won’t give Asahi up, dances all night with the girl, then now acts like they’re still just friends. What a dolt.

— Anyways, the group meets up at the Dragons’ Fortress, but of course, this looks like no place that a dragon would want to live. So then the gang comes to the conclusion that this place had been created by the Dreamworld Sense. So… what was with the whole Dragons’ Fortress bullcrap?

— All of a sudden, we get a flashback about how Asahi and Haruto had gotten into a huge fight one time. Because Asahi can see the future, she knows the best course of action. But y’know, it can be kinda boring just following orders, so Haruto tried to freelance during a dangerous quest. Blah blah blah, two friends fight and say mean things to each other. Whatever.

— Eventually, the group finds itself inside a giant arena where they are attacked by giant versions of Nozomi’s familiars. After a short fight, the girl herself shows up… I guess being evil means you gotta dress all sexy.

— What kind of pose is that?

— She’s also joined by the ever-so-annoying Cerinthus and his partner-in-crime Marcion. After some pointless chatter, there’s even more pointless action that doesn’t really lead anywhere. We’re just killing time until the gang finally decides to ask Nozomi why she’s being so weird. So she basically goes and tells them that her heart has been broken, that she’s been let down, and now she wants revenge. She’s acting crazy, but y’know, I actually can’t hold this crazy side of her against her too much. After all, Nozomi’s mind has been probably been messed with by Gnosis. To what extent, I don’t know, but it’s a possibility. My problem with Nozomi is how she acted before Gnosis ever got to her.

— Language, young lady!

— Anyways, one of Nozomi’s strands of hair turns into a magical snake and bites Asahi’s neck. The latter then screams out in huge pain and starts yelling at Haruto. Whatever the snake bite did, it seems to have unearthed her memories of that fight with Haruto from six years ago. Oh boy.

— And with that, the bad guys just leave. Um, okay.

— Conveniently enough, the whole dungeon also falls apart. So I guess the bad guys created this place just for this encounter then discarded it.

— Back at their base, Asahi is suddenly acting normal again. I feel like we may have skipped a step or two.

— In any case, Haruto wants to watch over Asahi, but he still has a life to live in the real world (presumably). Clive volunteers to protect the girl in the meantime because he’s apparently already in college.

— Asahi reflects on the recent events and oddly says that “no one would worry” if something happens to her. What?

— But in the middle of his protection duty, Clive suddenly gets the urge to catch a fish for Asahi to eat. Do you even get hungry in this MMO? I guess you must if he’s going to bother catching a fish. As soon as he leaves, the bite marks on Asahi’s neck start to ooze purple miasma. Oooh, I hope she dies… again.

— In the real world, Takanori insists on meeting up with Haruto and Satsuki, because he wants to understand why Nozomi is acting the way that she is. Haruto doesn’t know why either. Satsuki obviously knows, but she starts off by calling the boys idiots. Okay, sure, they’re dense, but since you know so much, why don’t you use your words? Communicate. Talk.

— Finally, she clues Takanori on the fact that Nozomi must have seen them dancing. Gnosis then preyed upon Nozomi’s jealousy as dumb as it is. After realizing that he must take responsibility for what has transpired, Takanori swears that he’ll stop Nozomi.

— But all of a sudden, something happens to all three kids in the real world. Oh boy, here comes that real world Sense magic!

— When the kids look at their table, all the food has been eaten and the drinks drunk. More importantly, a lot of time has passed. This guy also shows up and says gibberish about time and destiny. Oh no, didn’t the bad guys say that Asahi would die soon?! Man, I can’t wait!

— Yeah, yeah, I know the good guys will win in the end. Yawn. This is only one-cour, right? So we’re probably going to end with the gang rescuing from Nozomi? And the mystery with Asahi probably won’t be resolved, huh?

Those who fail will get another chance in a few months, so this arc feels a little pointless. So as our reward for suffering through it, we get round two of Deku versus Bakugo. Oh boy. But first…

— As everyone pores over the big board of names, Deku quickly learn that he has passed. Good for him. Unfortunately, even losers like Mineta get to slip through, so I’m already questioning the legitimacy of this exam.

— Bakugo doesn’t pass. Neither does Todoroki. But again, they will get another chance to get their license in a few months, so this just doesn’t feel very consequential. This isn’t like failing to get into Harvard, so you have to settle for, say, UC Berkeley. This is nothing but a temporary setback, and as a result, I can’t help but feel that we just kinda wasted our time.

— Damn, I didn’t realize Yoarashi was this much taller than Todoroki. Anyways, he swallows his pride and apologizes to his semi-rival in his usual extreme sort of way. If they weren’t squabbling like idiots, they might have passed. Todoroki is also contrite in return. He knows that there are internal issues he has to sort out. On the other hand, Bakugo is anything but humbled.

— God, Mineta is such a loser.

— Anime loves this nonsense. I’m gonna say his name… I’m gonna say it! I said it! I said the guy’s name. Okay, now you say his name! Ugh.

— The students also get their exact score and what they were penalized. What kinda ticks me off is how Momo got a near perfect score, but we barely got to see her do anything during the second part of the exam. On the other hand, Deku scored 71 outta 100, but like Aizawa says, he always finds himself at the center of every single incident in the story.

— Blah blah blah, take a 3-month course then take an individual exam. We want you to grow and become even better than the ones who managed to pass here, yadda yadda yadda.

— After getting his license, Deku proudly snaps a picture to send to his parents. Oh yeah, you bet your pass All Might is included in that. He’s pretty much the kid’s dad. I was gonna say the only thing they don’t share is blood, but since Deku had to swallow the old man’s hair, he has the old man’s genetic material in him anyways. Gross.

— Miss Laughs-a-lot suggests that she and Aizawa run a joint practice, but we barely know anyone in her class. Also, I like searching “joke lady my hero academia” on Google in order to look up her name. Look, I can’t remember these many unimportant people. Now, if she and Aizawa started dating, that’d be one thing… But honestly, who wants to wake up to that guy’s dead eyes every morning?

— Right before Yoarashi leaves at the end of the day, he apologizes to Todoroki again. Why? ‘Cause he still doesn’t like the guy. Fair enough.

— Meanwhile, Deku tries to ask Hairy Boy about Camie, but the girl is long gone. According to Hairy Boy, she had felt sick during the second portion of the exam, so she left early. Hmm…

— We then cut to Camie walking into an alley and melting her face away to reveal that she was actually Toga all along. Oh. Oh, okay. No wonder Camie seemed to like Deku so much. So Toga’s actual Quirk is the ability to impersonate anyone. She just needs to drink their blood, and now that she has a single drop of Deku’s blood, she can do all sorts of fun stuff with that. Like what, though? Plus, what happened to the real Camie?

— If you really think about it, My Hero Academia is pretty much a breeding ground for all sorts of fetishes. Ever curious what it would be like to have sex with yourself? Just let this girl drink your blood! Babe, I wasn’t cheating on you! Technically, I was masturbating!

— Hours earlier, All Might had gone to see All For One in prison. Now, this resembles a classic setup where an evil bastard is locked away, but his undeniable charm still radiates from behind those bars. Unfortunately, All For One is anything but charismatic. He just prattles on and on, and I’ll admit I kinda droned off during this super long conversation between two geriatric old men.

— Basically, All For One knows that the world is anxious without All Might. And this anxiousness will embolden the bad guys. Worst of all, All Might will be powerless. All Might will want to help but he knows he can’t.

— But I mean, it’s fine. All things must come to an end, and that includes superheroes. Out with the old, in with the new. Nobody wants to die, but as we get older, we come to accept that it is a necessary process. As I look around me, I see old people clinging onto their outdated ideals and traditions. I see old people holding onto their ingrained prejudices and hate. It’s too late to educate them. Sure, you can reason with some of them, but a lot of them are a lost cause. All you can hope is that they die out so that the world can finally move forward. And eventually, the next generation will have to retire in the same fashion. Obsolescence is unavoidable.

— You can say that again.

— All Might was a great hero, but he wasn’t perfect. As a result, this story is just as much about him passing on his legacy as it is about Deku’s ascendancy. That’s why I find it kinda hard that All Might keeps insisting over and over that he won’t die. You will die one day, old man. In fact, from a certain point of view, you already have. You just gotta trust that Deku can fill your shoes. Maybe All Might thinks that he can’t be symbolically killed or something, which can be debated…

— Later that night, Bakugo calls Deku out for a private chat. What could go wrong? Narrator: “It went wrong.”

— I have short hair, and it still annoys me in my sleep. I can’t imagine what it would be like to sleep with this much hair.

— Anyways, Bakugo eventually drags Deku to the very first place they ever fought. He then reveals that he pretty much knows where and from whom his former friend must have gotten his Quirk. Bakugo wants to be like All Might, is naturally talented, and works hard as hell. And yet, he failed the provisional exam and Deku didn’t. In his mind, he’s probably thinking, “What’s up with that? Fuck it, let’s fight. If you’re supposed to be the next All Might, you should be able to kick my ass!” Well, I mean, I guess this isn’t surprising. An immature kid is still immature.

— Deku is not stronger than Bakugo. Let’s just get that straight. In a straightforward fight, the blond kid would likely win 8 or 9 times outta 10. But what he fails to realize — and this is because he’s immature and needs anger management therapy — is that Deku inherited All Might’s power not because the kid is physically strong. That’s just stupid, anyways. Oh, you’re strong, so I’ll make you stronger! Rather, Deku had the right ideals that day.

— In a world full of superheroes, it’s for a Quirk-less person to just abdicate their responsibility. “I’m weak, so I can’t help! Someone else can do it!” Hell, you don’t even need to look to superheroes to see this sort of toxic mentality plaguing our society. I see so many people in America litter, because it’s someone else’s job to pick up the trash.

— Being the wholesome shounen hero that he is, Deku tried to save Bakugo back then even though he was powerless. He had the right mentality, and he still does to this very day. Having the right mentality is why Deku passed the exam and Bakugo didn’t. It’s obviously not about raw strength. Hell, just look at Mineta. Does he have raw strength? Of course not.

— This is why it’s so frustrating to see that even after sixty episodes, Bakugo is still so clueless regarding his faults and shortcomings. But he can’t take all the blame, because he’s enrolled in a top school for cultivating heroes, right? So how can he have come this far and still not received proper guidance? Why hasn’t anyone properly taken Bakugo under their wing and beat some sense into the kid? I just don’t know, man.

— Anyways, my point is that this upcoming fight between Deku and Bakugo — as exciting and hype as it might seem because none of the adults are around to tell them to hold back — is ultimately kinda pointless. Because at the end of the day, Bakugo will likely win, but the outcome doesn’t matter. The best hero isn’t necessarily the strongest.

So how will Ren respond? 

— The cultural festival is coming up, and when the gang count the ballots, they discover that the entire student body wants to invite Akechi to be the special guest. Remember when the gang dropped by the TV station? Even back then, we got the sense that Akechi is super popular in this universe. Of course, I still find this a bit hard to swallow. I dunno, I guess it’s just one of those cultural differences that are hard to explain. The phenomenon of the brilliant young detective is just not something that captivates the West. Over here, students would probably vote for Drake or the Kardashians instead.

— Then again, even Ryuji admits that his peers would normally vote for a singer or an idol, but special times call for special circumstances. Everyone’s freaked out about the Phantom Thieves…

— Interesting angle… what exactly am I supposed to be looking at?

— Phantom Thieves versus the brilliant young detective. On paper, it’s a classic matchup. I guess I only wish it had actually played out that way. There isn’t really much of a cat-and-mouse game between Akechi and the team. As a result, the payoff is also not quite as grand.

— After the OP, we see Ren working at the flower shop. In the game, the flower shop actually has a mini-game of sorts that I was super bad at. Customers would come in and make specific requests. For instance, gimme small flowers with soft colors. I was bad at it. Boy was I bad at it.

— Yo, it’s anime Bernie Sanders! Anyways, is this the first time that we see Toranosuke in the adaptation? I honestly can’t remember. In the game, he’s one of the easiest confidantes to level up. So how it works is that when you hang out with someone, you’ll get certain dialogue choices. If you say something that your friend likes, their relationship with you will grow faster. But for certain confidantes, this often isn’t enough to level up a relationship in one hang-out. In order to be efficient, you would also need to bring a Persona that matches their arcana. For example, if you’re hanging out with Ann, bring a Lovers arcana. Anyways, Toranosuke is easy, because if I recall correctly, it doesn’t matter which dialogue choices you pick when you’re with him. You also don’t need a matching Persona. Same with Mishima, I believe. The only problem with Toranosuke is that he’s usually only available on Sunday nights. Plus, he becomes too busy to hang out once the elections roll around. But it’s okay if you miss out on him. I don’t think the Sun arcana is all that great in P5.

— Later that night, Makoto tells her team that she intends to invite Akechi to the cultural festival after all. Maybe the Phantom Thieves can actually get the brilliant young detective on their side. Well, about that…

— Ren’s pretty smart in the adaptation, but not so smart that he’s at the top of his class. Then again, maybe it’s smart not to stand out too much. I’ll stop saying the word “smart.” In Trails of Cold Steel 1, you could also study hard to do your best on the exam. Unfortunately, no matter how much you try, the character you control (Rean) will never finish at the top of his class. That honestly ticked me off. Of course, in an actual story, being the best at everything would make you a Mary Sue. But when you’re playing a game, you want to be able to be the best, don’t you?

— This Ren is also slick enough to dodge Ushimaru’s chalk of death (not really). In the game, you probably wouldn’t have high enough stats to do this on the first playthrough. This technically encourages you to replay the game again to see how cool a maxed out Ren could be, but Persona doesn’t really take advantage of this. Nothing really changes if you dodge the chalk. Nothing at all. It’s like how in Persona 4, you wouldn’t have enough courage to outright ask the girls for their number on the first playthrough, but it’s not like anything changes if you do. Atlus could do a better job at this, but they haven’t and likely never will. The only JRPG where multiple playthroughs are actually super rewarding is Chrono Trigger.

— Well, dodging the chalk made the cute girl giggle, so I guess that was the reward.

— Ren returns home later to find Akechi waiting for him, and it’s like seeing an ex paying you an unwelcome visit.

— Somehow, I find this chessboard rather dubious…

— On TV, Shido (the bald politician if you’ve forgotten what he looks like) is campaigning hard against the Phantom Thieves. Our heroes have been linked to the psychotic breakdown cases, so now they’re considered a big threat to the nation’s security. Even so, I’d like to think that Japan has other far more pressing challenges to confront. For instance, the population continues to age. I know this has been harped upon for decades, but that doesn’t mean that the problem has gone anywhere. There’s also always the threat of North Korea going nuts. The country’s economy isn’t super hot either. So look, it’s just kinda hilarious that the entire country and Shido are this obsessed when there is no proof that the Phantom Thieves have actually committed any crimes. Well, I guess this is what it mean to be tried in the court of public opinion.

— Of course, Persona 5 isn’t really about the Phantom Thieves. Rather, the issue at hand is that the nation is, as Shido says, lethargic. This has allowed corruption to take root in the form of the villains that the Phantom Thieves tackle, but thanks to the powerful arm of the media, Shido can now spin this against our heroes. It takes dramatic individuals like the Phantom Thieves to stir up public opinion, good or bad. It shouldn’t be like that.

— Akechi now offers his two cents: he doesn’t believe that the Phantom Thieves are the ones behind the psychotic breakdown. Gee, I wonder why he would think that…?

— He looks dishonest here. Not dishonest in that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying. Rather, he’s dishonest in that he’s not actually cheerful at all. Akechi truly does believe that Ren is ahead of him in certain ways, and he’s deeply resentful of that fact. I mean, it doesn’t take a brilliant detective to notice that Akechi is horribly lonely. Despite seemingly being the nation’s idol, he doesn’t appear to have a single friend unless he drops by Leblanc to play chess with Ren. He goes to talk to Sae from time to time, but the woman treats him coldly. After all, she’s got her own ladder to climb, and she doesn’t need to bother with some kid (as smart as he is). On the other hand, Ren is a nobody — hell, he’s even got a criminal record — and yet, our hero has friends who would die for him. Ren comes home to a warm and cozy coffee shop. What do you think Akechi sees when he comes home late at night? Most of all, is any of this fair? Well, for a lot of us, fairness is rather unimportant here, but not to Akechi. Not to Akechi one bit…

— We next see Akechi on a variety show, telling the entire nation that he doesn’t think the Phantom Thieves are that bad. Sure, he still thinks what they’re doing is wrong, but they’re not murderers. It’s all about the media, isn’t it? If you want to befriend the Phantom Thieves, you can’t just go up to them and tell them that you trust them. Oh no, you actually have to go on TV and proclaim to the world that you think the Phantom Thieves are not so bad. Persona 5 takes a decent stab at the idea that society relies on the media way, way too much. Even the good guys fall victim to this.

— It’s finally time for the much-hyped cultural festival. Like the other events in the game, this one feels equally underdeveloped. It would’ve been nice if Ren was allowed to walk around and visit the various clubs and whatnot. Unfortunately, we only get to see this in the adaptation. Maybe this is something that Atlus can flesh out if they ever decide to make a special version of the game. And why wouldn’t they, y’know? Lately, they’ve been doing all they can to milk the Persona franchise. The problem is that idiots like are more than willing to hand over fistfuls of cash. Do I like dancing games? Hell no. Am I going to buy the P3/P5 dancing games? Hell yes! The only Megami Tensei stuff I don’t own are the super rare ones like the Famicom games.

— Act like a normie, Futaba.

— Haru beams with a smile when Ren tells her that they should try to have fun. Maybe that’s why her father isn’t dead yet. Maybe even CloverWorks can see how ridiculous it is to have the girl move on so quickly from her father’s death.

— This guy…

— I also like seeing Kawakami freak out at one of her students dressed up like a maid. I just wish the animation didn’t suck.

— Boy, I love takoyaki. Before I ever had any, I thought anime was just bullshitting me on how good the dish was. But nope, takoyaki is delicious as hell. Unfortunately, I have to go into the city to get decent ones. In the sleepy neighborhood that I live in, I can only get microwaved takoyaki, and those are terrible.

— Akechi shows up and steals the super hot takoyaki. He quickly realizes, however, that he can’t handle the heat despite his claims to the contrary. Serves him right. Plus, I almost want to say that this makes him a poison pill. Can you really trust a man who just eats whatever he sees?

— Honestly, if I have one complaint about takoyaki, it’s that people can overdo it with the super sweet sauce. Spicy takoyaki, on the other hand, doesn’t sound half bad. On the other hand, I’m a megafiend for spicy food. I dump tons of red pepper into my spaghetti, for instance…

— Afterwards, we see Ren finally meet and talk to Toranosuke. Geez, it’s a bit late to start talking to him.

— The next day, Makoto’s interview with Akechi finally kicks off. Since no one can resist asking the guy about the Phantom Thieves, she may as well try and see what she can learn from him. Of course, if she truly does believe that he’s as smart as they claim, then why would he willingly reveal anything at a school assembly of all places? So anything that comes out of his mouth would have to be calculated. Maybe Makoto knows that…? Shrug, who knows?

— Eventually, Akechi dangles a hint that he might know who the Phantom Thieves are, but of course, he is interrupted by a “phone call” before he can say any further. Instead, the gang is invited to speak to him privately in the back.

— Akechi shows everyone the video he had taken of them disappearing into thin air. Well, with technology nowadays, you can fake all sorts of stuff. This by itself isn’t proof enough to arrest the kids.

— Rather, Akechi claims that he had also followed them into the Metaverse and that was how he met the true culprit. As a result, he awakened to his Persona. With all this information, Akechi intends to strong-arm the Phantom Thieves into working with him.

— Makoto honestly looks surprised that Akechi saw through her ruse. That’s silly. She should’ve at least considered that this was possible. Meanwhile, Morgana hasn’t said a single word. It’s odd especially if you’ve played the game.

— Elsewhere, Sae’s boss is getting frustrated with her lack of results. Wht she doesn’t know is that she’s been set up to fail. The evildoers want her to be desperate. As a result, the kids learn that there is now a 30 million yen bounty on their heads. With their backs seemingly against the wall, they feel as though they have no choice but to agree to Akechi’s terms.

— When the Phantom Thieves meet up with Akechi once more, he suggests that they trigger a change of heart in Sae. He has all sorts of rationalizations for this. It would protect Sae, it would show the investigation that they mean business, blah blah blah. Then afterwards, the Phantom Thieves would disband, leaving him to find the “true culprit” all by his lonesome. Of course, this is assuming that the kids can trust him.

— So if you don’t trust him, which you shouldn’t, I thus can’t help but wonder how long he’s been planning this. I wonder how long he’s known that the woman would be a ripe candidate to have a palace and thus use her as a guinea pig for this very operation. If she hadn’t gone off the deep end, he would’ve had to find someone else.

— Honestly, if I had the ability to be a Phantom Thief, I would never give it up. If I can change hearts and thus save lives — hell, make the world a better place — no one would be able to convince me to give that up. It’d be my ethical responsibility to do all that I can.

— When Haru asks Akechi what drives him, he tells her that he has contempt for a certain individual. Well, he’s not wrong…

— I have a lot more to say about Akechi, but I’ll wait until everything’s been revealed. In the end, the group agrees to work with the brilliant young detective. But hey, Ren can hold his own against Akechi in chess, so it’s not hard to imagine that the same can be said about their cat-and-mouse game in real life. Needless to say, Ren and his friends will be alright.

— What? What? The adaptation has Akechi hear Morgana’s voice for the first time now? Hmmmmmmmm…

— Ren’s eyes narrow as the episode comes to an end.

— Post credit scene puts our hero right back in prison. I feel like we keep downgrading with every new game. Elizabeth > Margaret > abusive loli twins.

What Yuliy should do is stay away. Leave Sakhalin and stay far, far away from the Ark. After all, it really looks as though the vampires can’t get to it without the last remaining Sirius. So y’know, he should go live out the rest of his peaceful life away from all the violence and bloodshed. Maybe even marry Ryoko and just tend to gardens for the rest of his life. Adopt that poor girl who lost both her father and mother. More importantly, the vampires don’t seem to have much time left on their side. Whatever disease they’re afflicted with, it looks like they’re near the end of their rope. That’s why they’re going all out to find the Ark, and if Yuliy would just stay away, Yevgraf and his entire race would be screwed. Too bad we wouldn’t have a show if our hero did that.

— But first, Yuliy has to deal with the loli vampires. They’re a nuisance, but he eventually sees an opening against one of them (Tamara, apparently). He’s about to finish her off, but he hesitates when he sees the look of abject fear in her eyes. Y’know, that look a person would get when they realize that they’re about to die. Considering how the vampire lolis have been giggling nonstop since this battle started, shit ain’t so funny now, is it? Unfortunately, our werewolf boy is not a killer. Mikhail was right about Yuliy; he’s not cut out for this line of work.

— Yuliy’s hesitation eventually allows Tamara to escape. When Bishop finally catches up, the loli vampires realize that there’s nothing left that they can do so they depart.

— The old man in the woods is shocked to hear that Yuliy is Alexei’s son, but he’s also not the least bit pleased. Well, that’s not very friendly at all.

— We then cut to the rest of the Jaegers, and they’re not headed for Sakhalin nor London. Instead, Willard is looking for a certain something in the ruins of Dogville. Not sure what, though. Dorothea wonders if Yuliy would still be with them if the professor had mentioned stopping by the kid’s former home, but Willard doubts that. In a sense, this is a coming-of-age story for Yuliy (and hilariously enough, this is true for Ryoko as well), so he needs to find his own way in life. This may very well mean forging a path that is wholly separate from the Jaegers, and as a sort of father figure in his life, Willard accepts that. He also accepts that partly because of his guilt, but either way…

— Back at the old man’s place, he sounds rather surprised that he had been attacked by vampires. Then again, if he had never met a vampire before, then I can’t blame him. After all, the Slaves in this show look nothing like your traditional bloodsucking monster.

— Anyways, the old man was once on a mission to track down the Ark (I suspect he’s the former Japanese soldier who went MIA), and this eventually led him to Alexei. Hell, the old man even visited Dogville once. Nevertheless, he insists that he has nothing to tell Yuliy. Whatever secret he’s protecting, he intends to hold onto it until he dies.

— At Bishop’s behest, Yuliy leaves the old man alone for the night. At first, the kid is worried that the vampires would attack the old man again. Bishop reasons, however, that they could’ve killed a long time ago if this was what they truly wanted. Rather, the vampires were waiting for Yuliy specifically. Our hero is confused, because he can’t see why they would want him so badly. Still, considering how he’s the last remaining Sirius on this entire planet (presumably), this should be a big clue that Yuliy might just be playing directly into their hands by trying to locate the Ark. Ah well, this train’s already left the station. There’s no stopping it now.

— The next morning, Mikhail overhears the loli vampires making their report to Yevgraf, so he knows that Yuliy is in danger. Welp, this was his brilliant idea after all. If he hadn’t gone on and on about how their father protected the Ark, and now it’s Yuliy’s duty to do the same, his kid brother wouldn’t have come all the way out here and make himself a juicy target for Yevgraf.

— When Yuliy and Bishop decide to grab some grab, the kid is stunned to see a certain familiar face. Ah, it’s Ryoko, our lovably lovesick fool! You can tell that she’s been talking Hideomi’s ears off. Hell, I’m just surprised that the soldier is even tolerating her presence. Isn’t he on a dangerous mission? And he’s just going to let a civilian tag along?

— So Ryoko’s original plan was to head straight to London, but when she saw that her father was following her, she ran away in a panic. She saw Hideomi and just climbed on the same boat as the guy on a whim. As she tells her story, the Major just has this exasperated look on her face. Then when the girl gushes about how this mistake meant she got to see Yuliy again, the guy has this look that seems to say, “Are you hearing what I’m hearing?” But of course, our hero seems too dense to realize that the rich girl has a crush on him.

— Anyways, Hideomi confirms that the old man in the woods is that same former Japanese soldier who was on a mission to recover the Ark for the glory of the empire. Not only that, the major Western powers are after the same artifact (as well they should). Hideomi personally claims that he wants to decide for himself if the Ark is something he should try and take back to Japan. This results in a staring battle between him and the last remaining Sirius. Meanwhile, Ryoko is just plain confused.

— Still, it shouldn’t take long for the girl to suss out what’s going on. She knows that vampires are involved. Hell, according to her letter to her father, she supposedly left the the safety of her own home to try and learn more about this vampire threat. So it’s clear that Ryoko isn’t that worried about her own safety.

— Afterwards, she and Yuliy finally get to have a private conversation for once. I think this is their first one-on-one since they last bumped into each other in her garden. He asks her what fathers are like since he hasn’t seen his since he was a baby. The girl then rambles on and on about what her father means to her, so Yuliy comes to the conclusion that Mikhail had been trying to fill those same shoes. In the end, his conversation with Ryoko only seems to convince him more than anything that he needs to take over for his father and protect the Ark. I doubt, however, that his father would willingly tear himself away from his loving family just to see his youngest son eventually follow in his footsteps.

— Elsewhere, Mikhail tries to leave Yevgraf’s ship in order to warn Yuliy to stay away. Unfortunately, the vampires are onto him.

— One of the Slaves, however, suddenly falls deathly ill from the vampire sickness. He then goes nuts and tries to attack Yevgraf directly, but of course, this is pointless. Still, the Royal is concerned that there might be other infected vampires on the ship. Hm.

— When we next see the good guys, they’ve all convened at the old man’s hut. This time, Hideomi tries to reason with the former soldier, but he doesn’t get very far either. Again, the old man insists that they all just leave him alone. He even tells Yuliy to go back home to his village. Unfortunately, he has no idea that there’s really no village to go back to.

— Yuliy unknowingly claims that the vampires are about to find the Ark, so he needs to know where his father is. Sorry, my boy, but they’ve already found the Ark. They’re just waiting on you.

— Still, this manages to engage the old man’s sympathies. Hell, when he looks into Yuliy’s eyes, he sees his former friend. As a result, he spills the beans on everything. He not only tells them why Alexei had come all the way out here, but also that his former friend had sacrificed himself to protect the Ark. Finally, he hands Yuliy a map that would lead the kid straight to his father. Welp.

— Apparently, Alexei and this former soldier were like best friends. They were so close that the old man couldn’t leave his buddy behind. He just gave up on his own personal life and stuck around in Sakhalin. Odd. He also salutes the group as they depart.

— We cut to Willard and his team, and they’ve finally made their way to Dogville. While the professor digs around the ruins for whatever it is that he’s looking for, the rest of the team will bury the dead. That’s nice of them. I must confess I’m not particularly spiritual, so to me, a dead corpse is a dead corpse. Burying them won’t make any difference.

— The next day, we see Ryoko frantically knocking on Hideomi’s door. Apparently, Yuliy and Bishop have already departed for the Ark, and of course, there’s no reason for our hero to let the girl and the Major come along. He doesn’t trust the Major, and there’s no way he would want to put Ryoko in direct danger.

— Hideomi apparently has a super sharp memory, however, so even though he doesn’t have the map to the Ark, he still remembers where to go. As a result, he plans on following them. What’s even sillier is that it sounds like he doesn’t mind bringing Ryoko along. I mean, yeah, I’ve already accepted that the girl herself is crazy enough to continue poking her nose where it doesn’t belong. But why is a Japanese soldier okay with this?

— When we cut to Yuliy and Bishop, the latter is worried that the former is gonna screw up and let a vampire live again. Our hero claims he didn’t pity the loli. Rather, he just hated her eyes. Eh.

— In the post-credits scene, the two get out of their car to finish the rest of the trip on foot. Unfortunately, they don’t get very far before they run into Klarwein and his army of bondage freaks. I wonder where he found the time and the body parts for this little side project.

— After a few rather exciting episodes, this one slows down quite a bit to get some exposition out of the way and set the stage for the final chapter of the series. It’s not a bad episode, but I mean, we’re not exactly tuning into Sirius the Jaeger for its thought-provoking conversations or heart-rending character drama. The show has some awesome animation, a classic conflict between vampires and werewolves, and of course, one crazy human girl. So when we get these slower episodes where people mostly just talk it out, all I can say is “Meh.” At least we got that over with.

Dogs or cats? Pfft, cats are obviously superior. Plus, if you want me to root for a dog, give me a cute shiba inu at least, not some arrogant Snoopy-wannabe.

— Before Soya and his gang can worry about the Dragon sleeping on the moon, they need to settle their differences with the Sealing Faction once and for all. Hell, this is what Generalissimo wants, anyways. He didn’t want to win without a proper fight, and now he’s going to get one. He’s even going to give Soya and Sensei a week to recover. But of course, all dogs are good bois. It’s just in their nature. Except those ratty-looking chiahuahuas.

— In typical fighting anime fashion, the battle will take place in a remote location far from civilians. Look, Generalissimo just wants to put you all to sleep. He doesn’t want to kill yo–… hmm.

— Also, Nezuya, the guy who has done nothing is back to do… well, nothing.

— “We can travel millions of light years across space, but our holograms could use a little work.”

— All the warriors are here except for old man Takezo, but I have a feeling he’s gonna show up anyway.

— Rashaverak is apparently Sensei’s actual name. As for Generalissimo, it’s Karellen. Okay then.

— The good guys’ objective is simple enough. On the other hand, Generalissimo will have to break their will. Everyone knows you can’t break an anime protagonist’s will. I think the dog gave itself the short end of the stick.

— I hate the sound-mixing in these episodes. The sound effects are so goddamn loud compared to everything else. I’m also kinda disappointed that Ginko only joins Soya and Sensei in battle when they get inside the big spaceship. Otherwise, she continues to stand on the sidelines like she always does.

— So the battle begins in earnest, and it’s like I said last time: if Kogane and Generalissimo were having so much trouble against Takashi, why are they now fighting on equal terms with Soya and Sensei?

— I guess the cat’s just not drunk enough yet, which is why Ginko brought a cold one for her boys. Not to be outdone, Generalissimo is gonna chug a beer as well. If you had no video and didn’t know that these two are giant space pets battling it out for the fate of humanity, you’d probably think that they sound like two trashy uncles having a backyard brawl at a family BBQ.

— Oh wow, they gave Nozomi a device to let her watch the fight. This is the pay-per-view event of the century! But seriously, what’s up with the lousy resolution on their holograms?

— So the second stage of the fight kicks off, and it’s just slightly flashier. I’m a bit bored to tell you the truth. Obviously, I’m on humanity’s side from a broad standpoint, but I’m not emotionally invested in Soya’s struggle whatsoever. The former members of the Grand Paladins are here, but they’re literally just standing there and watching. On the plus side, at least they’re keeping their commentary to a minimum. You know how Japan loves pointless chatter from the peanut gallery. Looking at you, Krillin.

— In the middle of the fight, the two animals start talking to each other, i.e. using actual words. No more awkward translations necessary. Both Sensei and Generalissimo can and have always been able to communicate normally, but they just… they just don’t most of the time. ‘Cause it’s cuter or funnier this way, I guess.

— Eventually, the fighting leads both combatants all the way up into space, because y’know, this is basically a mecha anime.

— I do think it’s a bit odd that a dog is getting on a cat’s case for helping others. The dog is the practical and less emotional of the two. The dog is telling the cat to grow up and stop being so idealistic.

— Generalissimo adds that when children err, the adults must take responsibility. Sure, but I didn’t realize that taking responsibility meant putting the children to sleep indefinitely. Oh no, this ain’t just naptime. Not once has the Sealing Faction ever mentioned, “Oh, we’ll wake them up one day.”

— After an epic clash in space, both combatants come hurtling back down to Earth, and they don’t look so hot. These two animals could use a nice, warm bath.

— Benika laments that she has no home in either faction, so Yosuke awkwardly holds one of her hands and essentially tells her that he’ll be there for her. Sorry, but going after your dead brother’s girl is kinda iffy to me. Technically, Benika and her senpai never entered a relationship, but these two have had no chemistry all series long. It’s been him playing the self-pitying loser up until now, and all of a sudden I’m supposed to believe that they can become a healthy couple? Puh-leeze. Seems to me like they’re both emotionally distraught and not thinking straight.

— But to be fair, I’m generally biased against guys like Yosuke, so take my criticism of him with a grain of salt.

— Anyways, after that short intermission, the battle starts up again. The two sides quickly hop into their respective spaceships to raise the stakes even higher than before. Only now does Ginko finally join her boys. But this time, Takezo is also quickly headed in their direction. Geez, what could the old man possibly want now?

— What was before a fast-paced duel has now become a slow, lumbering slugfest between two behemoths. It’s like they’re stuck in molasses.

— Kogane and Generalissimo are about to land a decisive blow, so the old man suddenly shows up with a giant psychic sword to… to what? Avenge his son who tried to take over the world? Takezo uses everything he has left to cut through the dog’s weapon. Basically, he just swung this battle in humanity’s favor. I guess that’s the least he could do to make up for what his son’s actions. If your kid’s not going to take responsibilities for their wrongdoings, their parents may as well step up to the plate.

— And now that he’s sufficiently stolen enough of the spotlight, the others fear that the old man is finally done for. But again, this is a lighthearted show. Yes, I know we’ve seen people die “on camera.” So what? It’s still a lighthearted show overall, and I doubt Takezo’s gonna die here. Maybe when the Dragon comes back or something…

— So now that Generalissimo is weaponless, the good guys can finally finish this battle once and for all. After smashing a hole into the dog’s spaceship, Soya and Sensei hop out of their own spaceship to end the fight in person. Kogane gets a shoulder tackle to the stomach. Meanwhile, Sensei goes right for the miniature sealing device.

— That’s that, I suppose. The dog admits its defeat, and now we’re all friends again.

— Everyone else is still freaking out about Takezo. Meanwhile, I’m just thinking to myself, “Take his damn pulse, you idiots.” To nobody but these characters’ surprise, the old man is just taking a nap.

— Afterwards, Soya tells everyone about the Dragon and how he needs their help to defeat it once and for all. To my surprise, the big baddie won’t wake up for four or five more years. You know what that means: a timeskip. It’d be funny if it turns out that Soya’s just crazy — that he only thinks he can talk to the People of Paradise.

— All of a sudden, an older-looking Nozomi narrates to us that only 80% of the world has woken up from their coma, but the rest will assuredly come around. So I was somewhat wrong about that. Still, I don’t know why she’s so confident about that they’ll wake up, and if she’s right, the remaining 20% are functionally fine anyways. This is still a light-hearted anime series, after all. Not only that, crime has started to gone down because… just because, I guess.

— Most of all, Soya’s all grown up and ready for the Dragon’s inevitable return. I’ll admit that I didn’t expect to get any sort of timeskip. I just thought we’d go right from fighting Generalissimo to tackling the Dragon conundrum. Nevertheless, here we are.

— I just hope the final battle doesn’t end with humanity lending its strength to Soya or some cliche anime bullshit like that.

Geez, why don’t you two just get a room? 

— Aoi and her two canine buddies head into the painting, and it’s all black and white in there. The animals, however, get to be colorful. This is apparently due to the Hourai tree branch.

— So let’s recap: this painted world is full of fog and illusions. Illusions that will try and lure you to your death. Not only that, our canine bros can’t stay in here too long, because the world saps their spiritual energy. Last but not least, the tree that they’re looking for is at the top of the mountain. Brilliant, isn’t it? Let’s store our family’s sacred treasure in a death trap.

— Alright, fine, we have a dangerous mission ahead of us, and if we don’t get the job done, the southern realm will be wrecked again by the umi-bouzu. We should try to get this done as quickly and efficiently as possible right? Wrong. Both Ginji and Ranmaru continue to snipe at each other like spoiled children. Mind you, these two are hundreds of years old. Sure, you age slower in the Hidden Realm, but these two are still immature as hell.

— Eventually, it starts raining, so the group tries to take shelter within a cabin full of books. The ever restless Ranmaru decides to scout the area by himself, so when he returns, he’s turned into a puppy. Well, at least his new look matches his level of maturity.

— So what does Aoi do? She gives him a bowl of cocoa. I was like, “Yo, chocolate is bad for dogs!” Well, it turns out that the anime was thinking the exact same thing, ’cause this warning came up. But why even choose cocoa at all? Is this a goddamn camping trip?

— There’s some extra lore about the umi-bouzu, but it’s not important.

— When the rain lets up a bit, the group sees a streak of rainbow colors in the sky, so they decide to chase after it. After a bit of a walk, however, the canine bros are at it again. It’s tiring. Aoi has it tough as a dogsitter. As for me, I just don’t have much to work with. Previous episodes had the characters do stupid things that I could at least poke fun at. This episode, however, is just really flat and dull.

— Well, it’s time for yet another meal break, so Aoi serves up roast beef sandwiches. This may seem pedestrian, but she can’t taste anything at the moment. And y’know, it’s hard to screw up a sandwich. Even Ranmaru reluctantly admits that they taste good.

— Anyways, Ranmaru leaves once more to scout. He just can’t sit still. He’s like an overexcited dog visiting a park for the first time.

— As a result, it’s time for more boring exposition. Ginji kinda tells us what happened 300 years ago, but not really. Y’see, Raiju had insulted Princess Iso, which pissed Ginji off. When he tried to say something about it, it was then Raiju’s turn to get pissed off. So he just left. He was supposed to help them find the tree branch, but he bailed on them. The rest is history.

— The takeaway here is that Ranmaru turned into a hardass, because he didn’t want to fail again. Deep down inside, Ginji understood that, but he still left Orio-ya anyways. Although he doesn’t regret coming to Tenjin-ya, it does feel guilty for abandoning someone that he considers to be his brother. This would be really touching and heart-wrenching if either of these characters have been well-developed by the story, but they’re not so… yeah.

— Basically, Ginji hopes that he can one day mend the relationship between him and Ranmaru. He just hasn’t quite summoned up the courage to do so. Plus, they’re so busy with the ceremony that there’s little time to talk about their feelings. Aoi, however, assures him that everything will turn out fine in the end. But secretly, she’s afraid that Ginji will want to stay with Orio-ya if this is the case.

— As someone who has consumed anime for decades, I doubt she has anything to worry about. This sort of sophomoric writing typically avoids taking risks, and as a result, things never really change. By the end of this long arc, we’ll be right back to the status quo. And what’s the status quo? Aoi, Odanna, and Ginju back at Tenjin-ya while we continue to wonder who fed saved the girl’s life all those years ago.

— Speaking of that ayakashi, Aoi finally remembers to ask Ginji about it. All we see is this shocked look on the guy’s face, but that’s probably because he suddenly sees Princess Iso in the fog. That’s right, Aoi finally remembers to ask the damn question, and she gets rudely interrupted by stupid magical fog shenanigans.

— Ginji is almost tricked by the illusion, but Aoi brings him back to his senses. As a result, they are now worried that Ranmaru might fall for the same trick.

— We then cut to Ranmaru, and he also sees Princess Iso in the fog. He thus follows her, and had Ginji and Aoi not suddenly called out to him, he would’ve walked himself right off a cliff. Look, I get what they’re going for, but look, how dumb can you be? I miss my late grandfather, sure. But if I suddenly saw him on a foggy road one day, do you think my stupid ass would go, “Gee, let’s follow this ghost wherever it goes!” Hell no. My grandfather is dead. That shit ain’t gonna change. For these characters, if they had instead seen, like, an illusion of the tree that they were looking for, I can understand being fooled. But their precious Princess Iso has been dead since the last failed ceremony (i.e., 300 years ago). Not only that, why the hell would she show up in Nounin’s magical painting?

— Anyways, even though Ranmaru doesn’t fall off a cliff, that doesn’t mean Aoi can’t! She didn’t even get tricked either! She was just being careless and played herself!

— Ranmaru dives after her and turns into his giant animal form. I assume he does this in order to break her fall. When we next see these two, the guy is back in his puppy form.

— He then acts as if Ginji wouldn’t have cared if he died, but Aoi corrects him. She then talks about how she had met Princess Iso in the Dragon Palace, yadda yadda yadda. I’m getting pretty bored now, so I’m trying to wrap this up.

— So Ranmaru tells her that they should try to reach the summit anyways, ’cause if Ginji truly understands him, then that’s where they would meet up.

— So we get to the summit, and it’s covered in rainbow clam shells. Why? Shrug. Still, the tree is right in front of us, so let’s just get this done and over with.

— Ginji eventually shows up, but he too is out of spiritual energy. As a result, the two ayakashi turn into puppies essentially and hug it out. Great.

— Finally, Aoi goes to snap off a branch from the tree, and they can all leave. Just as she is getting sucked back into the real world, she suddenly sees Odanna telling her to do her best. Considering how the Princess Iso illusion tried to get these characters killed, I doubt Odanna here is an illusion… but you never know! After all, if he’s not an illusion, then what is he doing here?

— Back in the Hidden Realm, everyone is thankful that the trio have made it back. The two ayakashi will have to go to the infirmary to recover their spiritual energy, though. Meanwhile, the crane twins tell Aoi that even though she can’t taste a goddamn thing, they still want her to cook the dishes made from ocean treasure. This is like one of those group projects gone bad. They’re all in this together, but Aoi pretty much has to do everything.

— Last week’s episode had the hilariously dumb Raiju to make fun of. This week’s episode was just a snore.

Ever since Darling in the FranXX stopped airing, “Harem Something or Other” has been the most popular series of posts on this blog. I’m not sure if I should be happy about that. 

How Not to Summon a Demon Lord Ep. 10

Plot Content:

— I also know an Alicia, and she’s about the most useless thing on this planet. Let’s see if this Alicia will prove to be the same. Who knows — maybe the name’s just cursed.

— Looking pretty cross-eyed there, buddy.

— Pour magic power into the demon lord to revive her. Sweet, got it. Let’s get this over with already.

— You’d think a demon lord’s soul lodged in some catgirl’s vagina would look a little cooler than a purple ball of yarn.

— Alicia is super pumped that the harbinger of death is being resurrected. That girl is messed up.

— At first, Krebs-whatever looks fearsome. But upon closer inspection…

— …it’s just another dumb loli. Are you telling me Diablo fisted a catgirl for this?

— Krebs-whatever wants to murder Diablo, but she’s forgotten how to do so. She wants to murder people, but she can’t remember why she would want to. As a result, she’ll just be another haremette instead. God, lolis are useless.

— Shera proceeds to tame the loli demon lord with dry-ass biscuits. Oh boy.

— Out of nowhere, this ugly thing shows up to greet Krebs-whatever. It then volunteers to murder every person around her, but she instantly turns him down. Remember, this demon lord only wants to eat biscuits, not humans. Look, if this demon lord isn’t cutting it, just replace her. Elect another demon lord. Make demon-lording great again.

— This new dude — his name is Eulerex — isn’t happy that Krebs-whatever isn’t bloodthirsty, so his solution is to just kill her. He’s hoping that maybe the next reincarnation of the demon lord won’t be such a useless loli. Y’know, maybe he’s onto something. Unfortunately, Edelgard is dead set on serving this broken demon lord no matter what. It’s kinda like when your party elects an idiot, but you’re in way too deep, so you just double-down on the idiot in order to save face.

— Since Edelgard is no match for Eulerex, it’s time for Diablo to flex his muscles once more for his haremettes. Look, nobody punches a hole in my girls’ stomachs but me!

— So uh… what’s the difference between a demon and a fallen? If you actually know, don’t feel compelled to answer that question. Honestly, I don’t really care.

— After a very short duel, Diablo wins again. Of course he does.

— Even so, Eulerex tries to surprise attack Krebs-whatever, thereby forcing Rem to protect someone who is more or less her daughter. Diablo then lands another attack on the weird bird dude. Eulerex is thus forced to respect Diablo’s strength. And with that, he flies off. I guess it’s okay to just let him live?

— Basically, the loli demon lord has a clean slate, so you can raise her to be a better person. For instance, Shera teaches Krebs-whatever to be grateful that Rem saved her life.

— Meanwhile, Alicia continues to be annoyed that no one wants to murder anyone.

— Since they can’t keep referring to the new loli by her fearsome name  when they enter the city (I guess it’s the equivalent of Voldemort in this dumb universe), they decide to rename her Klem, i.e. generic anime loli name.

— While Diablo is having fun in his room, Alicia continues to obsess over the fact that all mortals must die in her room. Girl needs to lighten up.

— Meanwhile, Saddler has recovered from his self-inflicted petrification, and now he’s determined to get his revenge. I guess he’ll be Diablo’s last opponent for this adaptation. And the sad thing is that they’ll probably give this show a sequel.

Harem Content:

— Rem truly is flat-chested.

— Apparently, Diablo’s magic can’t get to Krebs-whatever if he simply touches Rem’s stomach. So the alternative is naturally her vagina.

— Why is the pinky extended though…? I thought we were only going for one hole.

— Look, this is a matter of life or death, so just finger the catgirl already. We haven’t got all night.

— Quick, we need to see this from the vagina’s perspective.

— The madlad actually did it! Dude’s never even kissed a girl, but he just jumps right ahead to fingering a girl.

— Yeah, “magic power.”

— After extracting the demon lord from Rem, Diablo carries her all the way back to the city. Uh, I sure hope he washed that hand first.

— Diablo had to use up a lot of magic energy tonight, but have no fear ’cause Shera is here!

— I’ve been playing Dragon Quest XI, and I think this is close that stupid puff puff thing that you find in every city.

— It gets to a certain point where it’s not even hot anymore. It’s just weird. If you’re going to pull this dumb shit, why is the guy full clothed? If this is escapism for the audience, don’t you want to imagine yourself being naked with these two girls?

— Y’see, this is what actually happens when your party stays overnight at an inn in JRPGs. I mean, what did you really think the Final Fantasy XV boys were up to?

The Master of Ragnarok & Blesser of Einherjar Ep. 10

Plot Content:

— The girl that looks a lot like Mitsuki is really some divine emperor, but around Yuuto and gang, she refers to herself as Princess Leafa.

— Why is she here? She wants to see the world, learn a thing or two about the “Black One,” so on and so forth. She even wants to visit his workshop, but despite her charms, Yuuto eventually shoots her down.

— Anyways, Leafa is a powerful mage. She can’t quite send Yuuto back to his world, but she knows someone who might be able to. Remember when Sigyn cast her spell and our hero started to feel not so good? Well, Loptr’s woman basically has the ability to undo an individual from any bonds. The only problem here, of course, is that Sigyn is the enemy.

— In the second half of the episode, Steinthor and the Lightning Clan attacks again. Using his big bag of ancient military strategies, Yuuto appears to win again. Unfortunately, what our hero doesn’t realize is that the Lightning Clan and the Panther Clan have teamed up. So just when it looks like the Wolf Clan is about to win yet another battle, Christina reports that Loptr is leading a mounted army that numbers 10,000 strong.

— Meanwhile, Scarfior might have died in a really comical fashion during a 2v1 battle against Steinthor.

Harem Content:

— During a New Years’ celebration party, the girls all beg for Yuuto’s seed. Felicity starts stripping (well, she does have a stripper name), so everyone else follows suit. When in Rome…

— Right before his battle against the Lightning Clan, Leafa gives Yuuto a mouth-to-mouth good luck kiss.

Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs Ep. 9

— In this week’s episode, Chisaki finally finds the time to pay the haunted hot springs a visit. She basically just wants to know if Kogarashi truly is shacking up with a hot and naked ghost babe. But what’s the point? It’s not as if she can see Yuuna anyways.

— Unfortunately, the first thing the girl sees is a half-naked Oboro doing her best to liberate Kogarashi of his precious man seed. Man, we’re all about seeds this week!

— Even though Chisaki is visiting, Kogarashi won’t be around… or so he claims. But c’mon, what kind of harem anime would this be if the harem lead isn’t going to be here to reap the benefits?

— Koyuzu gets right down to business.

— Meanwhile, Sagiri is in awe of Chisaki. Apparently, the girl has our ninja beat in everything but being, well, a ninja.

— Later, the girls all take a bath together, but this place is foggier than Silent Hill. Like with a lot of ecchi shows, you’re going to have to buy the blu-rays if you want to see anything. But I mean, if you’re fiending for fap material that badly, you could do a whole lot better than this anime without spending so much money.

— It doesn’t take long before the girls start talking about Kogarashi. I mean, what else would a room full of girls talk about, silly!

— Basically, Oboro wants advice on how to seduce the guy, but Chisaki objects because… y’know, she likes him even if she won’t admit it. Oboro also claims that she has no intention of marrying Kogarashi; she just wants his seed. We’ll see how long she can keep up this charade, though. Look, every hot girl is destined to fall in love with him eventually. It’s just a matter of when.

— Later that night, Chisaki gropes Yuuna again, ’cause that’s what girls do at sleepovers, right?

— Meanwhile, Koyuzu transforms into an adult version of herself. So, uh, is this still illegal?

— The girls then test the tanuki’s transformation powers? First Yuuna, then Chisaki. Finally, both of them together. I dunno, the anime already used this gimmick when Genshiro forced Yuuna to cosplay. The show’s just being repetitive now.

— This is definitely illegal.

— In the middle of the night, Chisaki thinks she’s suffering from night terrors, but it’s really just a ghost lying on top of her. Wait, that is night terrors…

— Then of course, Kogarashi returns in the middle of the night despite previously claiming that he had to work overnight. Look, this wouldn’t be a harem anime if he wasn’t here.

— Chisaki starts thinking that Kogarashi is not such a bad dude, which only serves to make her panic even more. Y’know, doki doki and all that. As a result, she tries to escape from the room, but Yuuna’s not about to let that happen.

— Then in his sleep, Kogarashi somehow manages to loosen Chisaki’s robe and render her topless. Yeah, in his “sleep.” That’ll fly in court.

— Not to be outdone by both Dragon Quest XI and How Not to Summon a Demon Lord, Chisaki also tries her hand at puff puff. God only knows how a person can sleep through this.

— When the girl then tries to crawl away in the opposite direction, Kogarashi proceeds to sleep-strip Chisaki even further. Can’t blame him ’cause he’s asleep!

— Koyuzu then wakes up, but she thinks she’s dreaming. As a result, she starts… sucking on Chisaki’s breasts? Dude, this poor girl is just being molested back and forth by every person in this room for the sake of comedy.

— Chisaki then falls backwards and right onto Kogarashi’s face. Only now does he wake up and see the full moon right in front of him. This all could have been prevented if she had just had the courage to leave the room as soon as he came in.

— The girl then thinks that the harem lead would lose all reason and attack them in their sleep, ’cause y’know, men are just mindless sex-starved perverts. But instead, he takes a blanket and covers both Chisaki and Yuuna. I mean, he could’ve gone an extra step further and find somewhere else to sleep for the night, but I guess the bare minimum will do.

— The guy can’t even get back to sleep before Oboro brazenly walks into the room and tries once more to seduce him. Chisaki is still awake, so she starts thinking more dumb stereotypes about men.

— But Kogarashi is your prototypical pure pure anime boi, so he shoots Oboro down once again. I guess casual sex and one night stands are out of the question. Look, everyone’s allowed to have their own value systems and standards, but…

The article also cites a survey from the Japan Family Planning Association, which found that 45 percent of women and more than a quarter of men between the ages of 16 to 24 “were not interested in or despised sexual contact.”

…don’t you guys think you might be putting sex on a pedestal? I won’t argue that sex is likely more meaningful when two (or more if you’re into that sort of thing) individuals are in love. And of course, if you’re in a monogamous relationship, you probably should honor your partner’s wishes and not engage others in casual, NSA sexual relations. But between two adults with no prior commitments, sex doesn’t have to be so complicated. It doesn’t need to come with any pre-requisites other than consent. It’s just a lil’ bit of fun.

— Anyways, Kogarashi’s answer makes Chisaki fall in love with him even more. Meanwhile, Oboro reluctantly leaves the room, but she still intends to claim his seed for her own one day. She just needs to make him for in love with her now.

— The next day, everyone gathers in front of the inn to see Chisaki off. And even though Kogarashi proved otherwise, she still warns Yuuna not to do anything that might get him “in the mood.” Pfft.

Your moment of zen:

* * * * *

Alright, alright, I’m back after a very short break. Work has just been exhausting lately, and let’s just say Ash’s wacky adventures in Banana Fish doesn’t exactly get me all pepped up when all I want to do is play Dragon Quest XI. My Hero Academia, on the other hand, is easy enough to write about; I really don’t spend too much time on it. Same goes for Persona 5. I’ll probably also get to the last subbed High Score Girl episode before I get back to my puff puff adventures. But meta talk about the blog. Let’s watch round whatever (I say officially two) of Deku vs. Bakugo. By the way, I expect him to lose (though not by much). I also wonder how far we’ll have to go into the series before our hero legitimately beats Bakugo officially in a duel.

— Oh, the title of the episode is even “Deku vs. Kacchan, Part 2.” Well, there you go.

— Deku’s ability to seemingly slow down time (I know he actually doesn’t) in order to plan out his next move is pretty powerful if he could rely a little more on his instincts. I know that defeats the purpose of a thinking superhero, but eh, not really. The best athletes combine the best of both worlds: they study copious amounts of film, but they also try not to overthink in the moment. It’s a delicate balance that Deku will have to learn how to strike. He’s just a kid, after all.

— A robot spots the carnage and immediately goes to warn Aizawa, but I feel like all the explosions would be loud enough to alert anyone on campus.

— I half-expected to see Aizawa up to something silly, but it looks like he’s working across two different screens. Geez, dude, no wonder you always look so tired all the damn time.

— Someone stops Aizawa right in his tracks, and it’s probably All Might. The old man wants to let the kids hash it out.

— I know Deku doesn’t want to fight his former friend, but he needs to wake up. When the guy is throwing lethal explosions at you, just fight first and talk second. Bakugo will probably be more receptive once you knock some sense into him.

— So look, I’m not a complete uncaring monster; I do understand why Bakugo feels guilty for ending All Might’s career. First, it’s technically not his fault. Anyone could’ve gotten kidnapped during their training in the woods, and the results would’ve been the same. All Might would’ve had to flex his muscles in order to save the day and thus run into All For One no matter what. The only possible way to avoid this was to somehow prevent anyone from getting kidnapped in the first place. So if you really think about it, it’s UA’s fault that everybody lost their symbol of justice. If the school hadn’t been so shit at protecting their students, All Might could still pretend that he has years left of being superhero in him.

— Nevertheless, it’s kind of messed up for Bakugo to take all his pain and rage out on Deku constantly. It’s doubly messed up that the school never provided him with any sort of therapy before and after the incident. He’s always been full of unbridled rage, and no one seems to care. Plus, being kidnapped has to be traumatic for anyone, but has the school really talked Bakugo through this? Of course not. This is just a children’s show, after all.

— That’s one of the problems with anime, though. It blurs the line between childhood and adulthood, toying with themes that might be too serious for kids, but at the same time, not serious enough for grown-ups. From my perspective, Bakugo should’ve gotten therapy a long time ago. But you can’t suggest it without somebody always going, “Ugh, it’s just a superhero show; don’t overthink it!” And yet, I have to turn around and take all of Bakugo’s feelings seriously: “See? He is not all bad! He has deep-rooted reasons for why he’s an asshole!” If you want me to acknowledge that the character isn’t a lost cause, you have to meet me halfway and acknowledge that serious problems require serious solutions. You can’t just nakama your bumbling ass through a character’s mental anguish over and over. You can’t solve every little conflicts like a bunch of meatheads.

— This looks painful for both of them.

— Also, Deku’s narration as the two kids stare at each other really kills the scene’s momentum. Dude, just fight. You’re killing the mood. Also, it’s the story’s need to spell everything out, which takes away from the drama of the fight.

— Bakugo also reveals that he feels as though Deku is looking down on him. It sounds so childish and petty, which is fine because he’s a kid. But that’s why it all the more maddening that the adults seem to just let these kids raise themselves. All Might tries to serve as a father figure, but I mean, fathers are around their kids every day. He’s not truly their father, so we can’t expect him to do the same. It’s not fair to him, but what’s fair isn’t always what’s right. It’s clear that these kids, especially Bakugo, have always needed more guidance, and there’s just no one around to help them navigate the stormy, hormone-fueled years of being a teenager.

— Deku doesn’t have much to say in return. You’re awesome so I followed you. Cool. Thumbs up to you, kid.

— I also like how the whole full cowl percentage thing lets us know just how far we all from the end. Just 8%, huh? Boy, we’ve got a long way to go.

— These two have really boring superpowers, though. Especially Deku.

— Deku surprises Bakugo with a punch after using nothing but kicks up until now, but Bakugo’s determination still prevails in the end. Ah well. This is what I expected to happen anyways. It’s the safest route that the story could’ve taken. Deku has gotten stronger, but he’s still behind Bakugo!

— See, All Might is being like a father now, but he can’t always be there for them. It’s up to UA to provide these kids with everything they need to become full-fledged superheroes, and that’s not just physical training. They need to become well-grounded adults as well, but no one seems to care until someone seriously gets hurt. Two kids shouldn’t have to fight in order to get their feelings out in the open.

— Blah blah blah, work together to make each other stronger. Standard All Might answer. Bakugo promises to hold onto All Might’s secret, so in return, the old man opens up to the kid.

— Meanwhile, Deku swears to his friend that he’ll get stronger. Standard stuff. Bakugo then retorts that he’ll go higher. Then Deku says he’ll go even higher. Higher and higher and higher! Yawn…

— Ahhhh, All Might even comes out and admits that these kids need more mental care then blames the adults for being neglectful! This is the only way he could get Aizawa to relent. But… will anything ultimately change? Will Bakugo, for instance, receive more guidance from an adult in the future? Look, I’m not going to bet any money on it…

— After the credits, Deku and Bakugo have to clean the dorms while their friends all call them idiots for fighting. Ah well, I think they both got off pretty easy considering the rules they broke. This is kinda nothing.

— Open ceremonies are all boring as hell.

— Anyways, time for a new arc.

Isn’t Virtua Fighter 2 awesome? 

— Haruo’s mom is quite a character.

— Damn, did we get yet another time skip? I don’t remember Haruo being this lanky. His hairstyle never changes, though.

— The kid’s mom wants to go watch a movie with him, but he feels too embarrassed to hang out with her. She then leaves for the living room in a huff. Yeah, my mom threw the same tantrum during those teenage years. For me, it was more that I just didn’t (and still don’t) have anything in common with my mother. Plus, they may say they want to be your friend, but parents can never truly detach themselves from parenting-mode. And by that, I mean the fact that they can transition seamlessly from casual conversation to “I’m going to spend the next 20 minutes lecturing you about your life choices” without breaking a sweat. Friends don’t do that. Or at the very least, they shouldn’t.

— 1994, huh? Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and Super Metroid came out this year, didn’t it? But for obvious reasons, this anime can only show us a slice of the gaming world, so I doubt Haruo will mention either of those games. Instead, he’s looking for a Darkstalkers cabinet. I’ve honestly never played it. All I know about the game is, well, Morrigan. I guess the game had great animation for its time.

— Haruo once again encounters Akira at the arcades. She might have gotten taller, but she’s still wearing the same purple outfit. And as always, she has her studies to worry about.

— The girl still isn’t talking, but we do hear her screaming as she tries to break free from her chauffeur’s grasp. This is probably the most noise she’s made since that sad airport scene. On the other hand, the chauffeur apparently loves pachinko. I blame him and his ilk for Konami’s fall from grace.

— I never liked Virtua Fighter. I found it clunky to play and unpleasant to look at. Why stare at janky 3-D models when 2-D sprites were so beautiful?

— Just like old times.

— Oh yeah, this also sucked. You deal and take way too much damage in that game. I felt like rounds would last less than 10 seconds. That’s just not exciting. Tension doesn’t have enough time to mount.

— Haruo racks his brain trying to figure out how someone who has to study so much can still be so good at video games. I dunno, maybe Akira just takes gaming more seriously than Haruo does. Haruo loves games for sure. You can’t question his passion for it. Nevertheless, I feel like maybe the girl appreciates what little time she has to game, so she doesn’t take it for granted. Meanwhile, someone like Haruo can afford to goof around.

— Or maybe it’s just talent. I doubt it, though.

— When he manages to win by forcing Akira to ring out on round three, he’s actually shocked to see that she isn’t mad at him. Maybe she’s mellowed out over the years? Or maybe she’s just thankful that Haruo convinced her chauffeur to leave them alone. Well, who can really say when the girl won’t speak a single word.

— This is also a familiar scene.

— In another scene, Haruo is going on and on about the Sony Playstation and Sega Saturn. Growing up on the NES and SNES, I waited for the N64 when I probably should’ve gotten the Playstation right from the get-go. I mean, the N64 was fun, but you had to wait months between great games. That part sucked. Also, the game never got any decent JRPGs. God, I still remember the monstrosity that was Quest 64. I think the closest thing to a decent JRPG on the system was Ogre Battle 64, but that was more strategy than anything.

— Wut.

— Haruo is trying to make casual conversation like always, but Akira seems more withdrawn than usual. He doesn’t really know why, but he may have inadvertently answered his own question later that night: their time as middle schoolers is coming to an end. Soon they’ll be taking their assessment exams, and because she’s clearly way more studious than Haruo (whether or not she wants to be), Akira will likely end up at a different school. Maybe Akira’s afraid that she’ll have even less time for fun in high school.

— But like before, Haruo and Akira travel long distances just to play games. This time, they put forth all this effort just to play Darkstalkers.

— Did companies really release arcade games early with just single player? That seems lame.

— On her first attempt, Akira manages to beat the game on her first try with Victor. Good for her, I guess. Of course, Haruo is always impressed.

— Hell, she even excels at the sillier arcade games like this punching thing. The only thing she’s bad at is having a conversation.

— What a day: playing games for hours then enjoying a hot bowl of ramen. It sounds like the ideal date to me.

— Haruo starts off by saying how they won’t be able to hang out like this once they become high schoolers, but then he starts talking about future fighting games. That’s just how he gets his point across, I guess. I will miss you, because we could have had so much fun playing fighting games in the future! Samurai Shodown 2 is coming out! Virtua Fighter 2 as well!

— But y’know what he could do to try and bridge the gap between them? He could always try and get into her school. After all, this is such a common subplot in anime. It’s a cliche at this point. Remember when the two main characters in Just Because! spent all series studying just to get into each other’s school? In the end, the girl succeeded, but the guy failed. The silver lining here was that they ended up going to same school ’cause he couldn’t hack it. In Tsuki ga Kirei, however, the main character also tried to get into his girlfriend’s school only to fail. Still, their relationship persevered, and they ended up getting married in the end.

— Anyways, if Haruo suddenly tries to take his education seriously, that’s a good thing. But if recent anime series are anything to go by, he’ll probably fail to get into her school.

— At the end of the day, Haruo suddenly wants to know if Akira had fun with him. She gives that half-smile that is accompanied by her melancholy eyes. Basically, she had fun, but life is still the same. She’s still a caged bird.

— Still, it’s an interesting question from Haruo, because it marks an important stage in the development of his feelings towards the girl. This isn’t the first time that they’ve hung out on their free time. Plus, he knows that she has fun with him. She’s not an idiot; she wouldn’t waste her time with him if she didn’t have to. As a result, Haruo’s question isn’t really about Akira. It’s about him. It’s about how it’s suddenly important to him that she enjoys their time together. It’s about how much he actually cares now about her. To put it another way, when things are finally getting serious between you and your SO, you often ask them, “Do you love me?” You want their affirmation in return even though you already know deep down that they do love you. On the other hand, when you’re in the early stages of the relationship, no one asks that question. It’s too hot and heavy.

— After Akira disappears from view, Haruo tells himself that it’ll be up to him to keep her company even when they’re in high school. He’s probably right about Akira still having trouble making friends, but even so, what would he do done if things are different? It’s not like he would give up on her if she suddenly has new friends. So the kid forces himself to be honest and admit that he just wants to be with her. Haruo didn’t just spend all this time with her because he was a nice guy. He is a nice guy, but let’s face it: he spends time with her because he actually enjoys it. He was jealous of her, then he admired her, and now, he just plain likes her.

— Now that Haruo’s serious about Akira, he’s also going to be serious about studying. It’s enough to bring a poor mother to tears. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. After years of slacking off, it’s going to be very difficult for Haruo to develop good studying habits. Like a muscle, your brain needs to be whipped into shape. Not surprisingly, the kid has a hard time focusing tonight. He wants to study, but all he can think about are fighting game combos.

— Thanks to the Yakuza games, I got to try out old arcade classics like Space Harrier and Virtua Fighter 2. Sorry, but those games are not fun anymore.

— At school, Haruo tells both Koharu and Miyao that he’s going to apply to Jouran High, the same school that Akira is going to. Well, good luck with that. You can’t blame his friends for being skeptical of his chances.

— His own homeroom teacher calls this a reckless decision. I dunno, what’s reckless about it? He either gets in or he doesn’t, right? Isn’t that why you have a safety school?

— Everyone wants to know what’s triggered this sudden change in Haruo, and when he closes his eyes and thinks about it, all he can picture is Akira. But c’mon, he’s not going to admit that he’s in love. At his age, I wouldn’t have admitted it either.

— Amusingly enough, his own mom knows when Virtua Fighter 2 is coming out, and how it could potentially be a big distraction for him. I don’t think my mom knows a damn thing about video games.

— Miyao is such a bro that it doesn’t take him long to realize what Haruo’s up to. As a result, he throws his full support behind his best friend. Everyone needs a Miyao in their life.

— On the other hand, Koharu also wants to help Haruo study, but doing so would only help him get closer to her rival. Well, it’s not like she really has a chance of beating out Akira anyways. In these stories, people usually stick to their first love.

— Haruo is so behind in his studies that he’s gotta start with primary school material. Bruh…

— Things aren’t going so well. Haruo’s trying, but he can’t get the basics down. Like with everything else in life, there’s always going to be a struggle before you break through that proverbial wall. You can’t do a 5K run just because you suddenly want to. And likewise, Haruo’s going to find studying very frustrating until his brain rewires its synapses to give a damn about schoolwork. All you can do is just stick to it.

— Elsewhere, Akira’s skills seem to be slipping. I wonder if it’s because she hasn’t been able to spend as much time with Haruo lately.

— It’s now 1995. Look at all the cool games that Haruo will be missing out on. Honestly, the only one here that I really care about is Final Fantasy VI.

— On the day of the exam, his mom tells him that she’s so proud of his efforts that she would buy him a Sega Saturn no question. Go for the Sony Playstation, man.

— When Haruo leaves his house, he sees Akira’s chauffeur waiting for him. The old man heard about everything from Haruo’s mother, and even he wants to support the kid. Well, I suppose he’s not blind. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander; he knows Akira’s happiness is tied to Haruo.

— The chauffeur then reveals that Akira goes to the arcades just in hopes of seeing Haruo. But since he’s been studying so much, they haven’t been able to see each other. Well, that would explain her slump. I’m surprised he didn’t tell her first that he was going to be studying hard for the past few months. Maybe he was just too embarrassed to do so.

— During the awkward car ride, Haruo can’t quite summon the courage to tell Akira what he’s been up to, so instead, he breaks the ice by talking about (what else?) Virtua Fighter 2 and how the it’s so much better than the first game that it left him dizzy and bewildered. Even though he loves fighting games so much, he sometimes feels as though he can’t keep up. Well, Akira’s kinda like his Virtua Fighter 2. They had one thing in common, and while she was overseas, he thought he could just hone in on that one thing and become her rival. But when Akira returned to Japan, not only did she get even better at fighting games, she still manages to juggle all of her other responsibilities. She’s good at video games and she’s going somewhere in life. Haruo just has games and he still couldn’t keep up.

— Still, what’s important is that Haruo still wants to. He wants to be there with her now that there isn’t an ocean between them. When she went overseas, they missed out on so many fighting game milestones. Now that she’s back, he doesn’t want to waste this opportunity. Essentially, the ball is in his court. They can still share major milestones in the future, but in order to do so, he’ll have to try and keep up with her. What’s more important to Haruo than video games? Akira, apparently. After all, he sacrificed his games just to try and be with her.

— Just look at the girl blush. This is basically a love confession. It’s not direct, but since when has romance ever been direct in this culture? That’s why they rather ask, “Isn’t the moon beautiful?” For Haruo, it’s more like, “Isn’t Virtua Fighter 2 awesome?”

— When he finally tells her that he’s applying to the same school, Akira grimaces. It’s just like the chauffeur says: when she’s with Haruo, she can forget about her terrible home life. The last thing she wants is for Haruo to have to deal with the same crap just to be with her. Obviously, he doesn’t have it has hard as her, but even so, she can empathize. But what can she do? Tell him to stop what he’s doing? After all the hard work he’s put in? Nah. All she can do is hold his hand in support.

— During the test, Haruo tells himself that he’ll tell Akira his true feelings if he passes. I mean, he kinda already did. The girl can read between the lines. Nevertheless, the fact that he feels this way is probably a good indicator that he won’t pass. The story probably wants to string us along even further.

— Plus, we still have that love triangle to deal with. What’s the point of Koharu being in love with Haruo if he’s going to just confess to Akira? If that happens, she’s already lost.

— Welp, Haruo’s number is nowhere to be found. You just can’t just flip the switch with studying. Some people are geniuses, but they are outliers. For Average Joes like you and me, we have to put in the years of hard work. Still, Haruo tried and that counts for something. And as long as he keeps this up, they could always go to the same university.

It just won’t turn out well. 

— Akechi says that the Phantom Thieves are now suspected of murdering Okumura. We last saw him in the ICU, though. So is he finally dead now in the adaptation or what?

— Futaba working her magic. It’s even a Sony-branded phone. I don’t think the game ever specifies what brand he has, but I could be wrong.

— In either case, Akechi “finally” joins the team, and he’s pretty unique because he has both bless and curse damage. Not only that, he also has the bless and curse instant death moves. That’s not all! He gets the Almighty nukes too. Yep, even Megidolaon at 67. Finally, as the cherry on top, he gets Debilitate at 70, but why on earth would you get him to 70? When you look over his move list, it’s a dead give away that, well, he’s too special. He’s not meant to be in your party for long, so we may as well use him to your heart’s content in Sae’s Palace.

— If Akechi somehow becomes a permanent party member in a re-release of Persona 5, I feel like they would have to redo his move list somehow. But y’know what, I don’t really want Akechi at all, but we’ll save that discussion for later.

— I do rather like the song in Sae’s Palace. As for the Palace itself, it feels like a mishmash of incongruent ideas. The central premise is sound: the house always win, so to win against the house, you must cheat in return. But somehow this involves doing all sorts of silly stuff like running around in the complete darkness. There’s also a part where you have to quit halfway through the Palace in order to continue further. I suppose this is similar to Madarame’s Palace, but to put it simply, you can’t beat this one in a single day.

— Well, well, well, it’s Shadow Sae. But I feel as though the proportions are off. She looks way too elongated here.

— Ren is the only person who doesn’t look impressed by Akechi’s feats.

— For now, the team plays it safe and withdraws from the Palace. Besides, Ren and Futaba are about to face some trouble back in the real world.

— Once again, the adaptation changes the timing of these events. First, we seem to have skipped a portion of the cultural festival. There’s a fun scene where your girl of choice has to go on stage, but you end up “rescuing” her from tough spot. Anime Ren might have nothing but platonic friendships, but I still think they could have pulled this scene off.

— Then shortly after this scene, Sojiro confronts Ren and Futaba about the calling card. The team doesn’t decide to change Sae’s heart for about another week. Plus, in the game, Ren and Futaba return home to an angry Sojiro waiting for them. In the adaptation, the old man looks kinda silly chasing after his daughter. Akechi was also not present for this pivotal moment in the game. It’s not a big deal, but the changes are jarring enough for me to go, “Wait, that’s not how it went down…”

— Huh, Sojiro rips the calling card out of Ren’s hands and acts as if it has nothing to do with the hero. Odd. Anime Sojiro just seems less cool and less warm overall compared to the original.

— This results in the team convening on the school rooftop the next day to discuss what they should do next about Sojiro and Futaba. This is definitely very different now. I don’t know why they’re drawing this subplot out so much. In the game, you reveal everything to Sojiro and hash it out all in one night.

— Later at night, one of Futaba’s many terrible relatives drop by to stir up some trouble. I don’t know how the law works over there, but I’m not sure I understand why Sojiro would have to pay her uncle child support even though the man isn’t actually raising Futaba.

— As to who would win between a blood relative and a legal guardian, I assume the judge would ask the child who she wants to be with. The girl’s best interest is paramount, right? But again, I don’t know how it works over there. Still, if he wants to hash it out in court, go for it. Sojiro doesn’t look rich, but neither does this deadbeat uncle.

— Thanks to the drama in her life, Futaba can’t concentrate in Sae’s Palace. As a result, the team is stuck. Welp, that is why we’re drawing this out. They could just animate more scenes within the Palace, but I guess CloverWorks would rather not.

— Man, does he really just leave her food on the floor like that? Kinda makes you feel like she’s a prisoner. He can’t even walk into her room?

— Afterwards, Sojiro teaches Ren how to make Futaba’s mother’s curry. I’ve ranted and railed about Japanese curry enough, so I won’t comment on it any further. Just coffee in curry is… eh…

— I also tried Japanese curry with coffee once. It wasn’t great.

— Sojiro then goes on and on about how that bastard uncle did a terrible job caring for Futaba. She had to sleep on the floor and she wasn’t allowed to bathe. Now, why you would want some kid stinking up your joint, I’d never know. But that’s besides the point. Outta nowhere, Sojiro starts wondering what’s truly best for Futaba. I mean, sure, he’s not the best guardian, and he barely got her any help when she decided to become a shut-in. You could argue that he enabled Futaba. Nevertheless, he just got done describing how she was treated like an animal by her uncle. Why is Sojiro wavering now? I’m sorry, but is he stupid? Did he eat one too many curries with his coffee?

— The 3-D crowd looks so odd.

— Anyways, the solution to our problem is to change the uncle’s heart. Since Akechi is currently on the team, he gets to help out. He even opens up about about his mother and how she was abandoned by his father. I can’t actually remember when this conversation takes place in the game. I think it happens much later…

— Language, kitty! And don’t insult some poor woman just because her son sucks!

— Hm, I don’t remember Futaba’s uncle being a victim of the yakuza. In the game, he’s just a jealous gambling addict. You can watch the Youtube video for additional details.

— Also, you can’t just trip and sue someone. You can sue for damages, but what damages? Ren has two witnesses on his side, and even if the judge somehow doesn’t believe Akechi’s word (despite him being a genius detective), Futaba’s uncle would still need to show that he suffered enough to warrant compensation.

— So investigators drop by to talk to Sojiro about Futaba. The situation is finally urgent enough for Futaba to step in and intervene on her guardian’s behalf. After convincing the investigators that she’s fine, Sojiro finally gets around to asking her about the calling card. Essentially, the adaptation combined this scene with his social link. Oddly enough, Futaba’s own social link deals with an entirely different issue…

— In the adaptation, Sojiro kinda rolls with it. He doesn’t get angry with the two kids. I prefer how the game handled it. Also, in the adaptation, Futaba’s uncle just gives up. The team doesn’t have to go into Mementos and change his heart at all.

— Afterwards, Ren loses to Akechi again in chess, but he swears he’ll win the next one. Basically, he’ll win when it truly counts. Nevertheless, the post credits scene reminds us that someone will soon betray him. I mean, it’s kinda obvious who it is at this point…

— The team find themselves back in Sae’s Palace, and this time, they can advance because Futaba is back to normal. In the game, you just go into a backroom and rig the game so that you always win. The adaptation decided to take a different approach. Oh well.

— The anime has been focusing mostly on his teammates, but I wonder if it’ll bother to give any resolution to Kawakami’s story. She’s got a bit a controversial one. Maybe they won’t even touch it.

The kids are now high schoolers, and as such, a lot has changed. Haruo soon discovers that it’s not just his studies that he can’t keep up with. 

— It looks like Haruo went and got a Sega Saturn. He seems to prefer underdogs. Last generation, it was the PC Engine, and now it’s the Sega Saturn. He’ll probably be all over the Sega Dreamcast, too. I wonder what he would do when it finally dies out, though. Would he really pick the Nintendo Gamecube over the Sony PS2. As for the X-Box, this is Japan we’re talking about.

— Oh my, Koharu grew her hair out. I think she was cuter with short hair. Nevertheless, here she is, turning a guy down because he isn’t Haruo. I guess her crush is still as strong as ever.

— According to her friends (with Onizuka being one of them), Koharu gets confessed to all the time. Well, people generally like longer hair on girls. I don’t know why I prefer short hair.

— Ah, she’s going to an all-girls school. Sounds boring. More importantly, it seems like everyone just went their separate ways after middle school. Akira no doubt got into her top school. Koharu is at an all-girls school. And as for Haruo, well…

— So Koharu walks by Haruo’s home and gets invited in by his mother. What luck. Even though he’s invited Akira over to his home, I bet she’s only been over that one time he was sick.

— It sounds like Haruo has been staying cooped up in his home ever since he failed to get into Akira’s school. He’ll probably use the Sega Saturn as an excuse, but I’ll bet you anything that he feels like a loser. He probably feels like he doesn’t have the right to face Akira, which is… disappointing. I mean, they had that moment in the car and everything. He told her he wanted to experience all the big moments in gaming with her. So what if he failed? But that’s how these anime romances often go.

— Haruo admits that he’s struggling in high school, but hey, he has a part-time job. He seems like the kinda guy who would be content with any blue collar job that comes his way right after high school. And hey, there’s nothing wrong with that, but it would be a shame if he never bothers to explore his fullest potential.

— And look, if you want to create games for a living, you’re going to have to study something. Whether it’s programming, art, or writing, you need to gain some sort of proficiency. All the kid does, however, is play games. He studied hard for a short period of time, failed, and he’s already given up. Akira sort of inspired Haruo to try and achieve more, but I wonder when these two last hung out.

— Koharu looks so happy just to listen to him gush on and on about games.

— She tries to ask him about Akira, but he starts badgering her about her Playstation. She invites him to come over to her house to play, but he claims he can’t cheat on his Saturn. Dude is such a gaming hipster.

— So Koharu invites him to go visit a nearby arcade. She knows he hasn’t been to his usual haunts, because she herself has started hanging out at arcades on a regular basis. Sounds like she’s been working hard to get better at games. Sounds like she wants to show him how good she’s gotten.

— Why hasn’t Haruo been to any arcades? He says it’s due to money, time, and the Saturn, but I dunno. I think he’s not being entirely honest. I think he’s afraid to bump into Akira.

— When the kid gets to the arcade, he looks around nervously. He is legitimately surprised to see how much has changed. I still think he was checking to see if Akira was around.

— Right off the bat, Koharu challenges him to a match in Super Street Fighter II. The gauntlet has been thrown. She even picks Gouki (Akuma). Why do I get the feeling she’s going to mop the floor with him?

— Haruo is already giving himself an excuse by picking Honda instead of Guile, his main.

— Yep, she destroys him. Now what? Unable to accept his defeat, Haruo challenges Koharu to another game only to lose again. For a guy who claims to love gaming as much as he does, he seems to lose to anyone who tries. Like I said in the previous post, I just don’t think he takes life very seriously and this includes games. He needs someone to push him before he starts giving his best effort. Akira inspired him to study, and now, Koharu will inspire him to… get back into arcade gaming? Is this what’s best for the kid?

— She’s so happy to flash her skills, though.

— Haruo admits that you can’t get very good if all you do is play against the CPU. Well, in just another generation, he’ll be able to play against actual people without stepping out of his home.

— He’s so distraught over losing that he’s literally shaking. That’s hilarious in a sense, but I get why he’s in despair. He’s not the best at anything. He’s not top tier in gaming, and he’s not top tier in studying. What can he do? For now, all he can do is slink back home with his head down.

— Haruo suddenly sees Akira in front of him on the streets. He quickly hides behind a corner, because he’s too ashamed to face her. This is why he was so nervous at the arcades. I dunno, I guess he has his own pride to worry about, but this kinda ticks me off. The chauffeur opened up to the kid in the previous episode, going on and on about how the kid served as Akira’s emotional support. The old man said it himself that she could forget all her hardships at home when she hung out with him. So with that being said, I can’t help but feel as though Haruo is abandoning a friend just because his ego got bruised. Suck it up, dude.

— In bed later that night, the kid tells himself that there’s no way he can beat Akira if he’s not even good enough to beat Koharu. But I mean, why does he have to beat Akira at all? Why not just hang out with her because, well, you want to?

— Even Guile has to tell Haruo not to give up. Essentially, the kid’s talking to himself, so even he knows he can’t throw the towel in just yet. But I just feel like nothing has changed if Haruo just throws himself back into arcade gaming and lets everything else in his life drop. I had really hoped that he would get serious about studying, but I guess not.

— During the commercial break, the show shills for SNK Heroines: Tag Team Frenzy. Lemme tell ya, the official artwork for Female Terry is false advertising. She looks nowhere as good in the actual game. Well, none of the heroines do.

— Yeah, I dunno much about Street Fighter Zero (Alpha in the west). I kinda stopped paying attention to fighting games during the Saturn/Playstation/N64 days.

— Even though Nash (Charlie) has the same goddamn moveset as Guile, Haruo goes with Guy instead. That’s hilarious. It’s no Dan, at least.

— Haruo even puts himself in the zone by listening to gaming music at school.

— Oh hey, Doi is back, and he’s still interested in Akira. But hey, she’s the type of girl who would probably be forced into an arranged marriage by her family, so it’s not like he would have a shot anyways.

— Being a bro, Miyao asks Haruo about Akira. He then realizes that Haruo feels inferior as a result of failing to get into Jouran High. Nevertheless, he tells his best friend that he’ll always lend an ear. Miyao is rather perceptive for a kid.

— I just feel like we’re back to square one. Haruo wanted to be in Akira’s world by proving that he can be smart enough to go to the same high school. But since he failed, he’s just going to revert back to being as good as her in video games? Eh. So what have we learned if anything? I guess the best I can say is that he isn’t giving up… entirely. He’s giving in one sense (his studies), but he hasn’t given up on gaming…? But that’s too easy.

— Haruo feels a presence behind him, but when he turns around, it’s “just” Koharu. Having said that, he’s still no match for the blonde girl.

— He even reveals that she’s been appearing in his dreams, but not in the romantic sort of way. Well, I dunno, someone out there might find this romantic.

— God, look how happy Koharu is to hear this. Every tiny progress with Haruo makes her beam. But at the end of the day, the kid’s only rededicating himself to gaming so that he can get to Akira’s level. Koharu might have been the catalyst, but she isn’t the desired conclusion that he’s hoping to find.

— The ever-perceptive Miyao also realizes that Koharu still likes Haruo. He starts wondering how Akira might feel if he sees Haruo playing with another girl. Did he get advanced copies of this manga or something? Is this why he knows so much about these characters’ feelings?

— Huh, I didn’t know there was a Gameboy version of Samurai Spirits. Aren’t there just… two buttons on the Gameboy? How would you even play fighting games on that thing?

— Koharu is so much sassier in high school.

— She keeps going on and on about that one day they spent together on the school trip, but all he’s worried about is how he’s getting his ass handed to him again.

— So Haruo resorts to cheap tactics like distracting the girl just to win a round. For shame, man, for shame…

— But she still wins. And when they move to a different game, she wins again. They keep switching cabinets only to have the same results: Koharu wins. She wins so much that she starts taunting the guy, telling him to go back to some old Famicom game.

— She admits that he has no feelings for her, but maybe if she keeps pounding him into the ground, he’ll start caring. It’s like when you’re used to getting nothing, even table scraps will do. But I mean, there’s one trick left in the bag that she hasn’t tried: confessing her feelings.

— Thoroughly humiliated (in a joking sort of way), Haruo storms out of the arcade to do some more training at home (and probably pity himself some more). Even Miyao has to admit that the girl has a sadistic streak.

— Meanwhile, all Doi cares about is how Haruo keeps hanging out with cute girls. Well, dude, maybe if you tried to connect with them on a personal level instead of pretending to be cool all the time. Hell, Miyao gets right to the heart of the matter and basically tells Doi to stop being a poser. Haruo is not fascinating to everybody. Obviously not. But he is fascinating to some people, and that’s because he is genuine. The kid is always himself. He isn’t afraid to talk your ears off about video games, and certain people — namely Akira and Koharu — like that. Akira has always liked games, and by hanging out with Haruo, Koharu has come to realize that she kinda likes them too. It’s not such a crazy concept.

— When Koharu goes to the money changer, she bumps into Akira. Now that she’s beaten Haruo at every single fighting game in the arcade, I bet you she’ll want to challenge to challenge her rival in love next.

Look, I just want to hear Uchika’s excuse for abandoning Ayano. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s going to be hilarious. 

— I don’t know why Ayano’s grandparents aren’t addressing the elephant in the room. Of course she and her mother aren’t on speaking terms! Why aren’t you guys mad for her? Why aren’t you guys getting on Uchika’s case for having the gall to show up out of nowhere and act like everything’s okay. “Durr, there’s cake for dessert.” Who gives a shit about cake when you’ve been such a bad mother?

— Hah, Uchika just pretends as though Ayano is focused on her match. C’mon, gimme a break.

— The woman proceeds to sit outside her daughter’s room and say nothing of substance. Nothing at all. “Back then you played badminton for me, but now you can play for yourself. That’s why I came back!” Whaaaat? Am I in cuckoo land or something?

— And then the scene ends! It just ends! That’s all we get?! That’s the best explanation we get?!

— Ayano randomly likes to flash her horror face every now and then. It scares the other girls, but it’s just so hilarious dumb to me. What the hell am I even watching? I thought I would get to watch a show about badminton and somewhat realistic drama. But this… this is truly something else.

— The boys show up to practice even though they should be studying for their entrance exams. Like with everything in life, Isehara already has everything taken care of. Meanwhile, it sounds like Hayama is not too smart.

— Ayano ends up challenging Hayama to a practice match and beats him easily. I guess the differences between the sexes won’t show up at this level.

— After Hayama loses a set, Ayano tries to challenge Nagisa next, but the latter declines. At this point, it doesn’t even seem like they’re friends anymore. What a shame. They seemed so close during the summer training camp. If their fragile friendship had fallen apart organically, you wouldn’t see me complaining. But we’re so close to the end of the series and I still don’t understand anything. I don’t understand why Ayano went 180 out of nowhere. I don’t understand why Connie is suddenly a nice girl now. Most of all, I don’t understand why her mother abandoned her.

— This just free advertising. Everyone knows they’re referring to Pocari Sweat, so the studio is doing all the work and getting nothing out of it. So at this point, why even bother making the bottle look so accurate?

— We proceed to get a montage of the two girls training hard in the gym while an insert song plays. Exciting.

— Ayano continues to talk trash at every given opportunity. Nobody’s going to tell her to stop, though. That’s the craziest thing. Every once in a while, we become brats. It just happens. After all, no one’s perfect. We’re prone to acting up once in a while. But when we do so, our loved ones correct us. Our loved ones gently remind us that being a brat is not so nice. Unfortunately for Ayano, she has been running her mouth for episodes now and nobody seems to care! They just stay silent! What is with these characters!

— Later, Nagisa runs into Riko and her siblings. You got this one kid who just screams boobs. What a winner. Anyways, it sounds like Nagisa has something to say to Riko, but she suddenly gets up and keeps jogging. Yeah, yeah, communication is not these characters’ strong point. I kinda figured.

— Ayano is looking more and more like her mother with each passing day.

— Uchika shows up to the gym, answers one question about why she keeps playing badminton, and then… and then that’s it. Once again, the story leaves me scratching my head. I mean, try to fill in the gaps. What do you think happened afterwards? If we assume that neither Ayano nor her mother had anything meaningful to say offscreen, then we can only assume that they just went home awkwardly.

— Elsewhere, Nagisa is unable to sleep, so she rewatches Ayano’s match against Kaoruko. Well, you gotta scout out your opponent.

— When she wakes up, her TV is still turned on. That’s one way to get screen burn. Also, Ayano always looks psychotic these days.

— Oh boy, let’s zoom in on that psychotic face!

— Nagisa puts on a knee brace for the upcoming match, but I still think she shouldn’t risk her career for a meaningless match. Of course, it’s meaningful to her, but should it be? Like I said previously, it’s one thing to mentally give up (and even then, this can be debated). But if you have actual physical ailments, c’mon… the body can only take so much punishment.

— Elsewhere, Kentaro sings Nagisa’s praises. More specifically, he’s proud of how mentally tough she’s become. I mean, she kinda had to. Ayano is being a bully every single day in practice, and nobody’s stopping her. Not even the adults.

— I dunno, man, maybe Kentarou is much better in the manga or something, but I find it really hard to respect this guy. It just doesn’t look like he does anything.

— When Miyako asks him about Ayano, his response is telling. He talks about her natural gift for the game, which tells me he hasn’t done a damn thing to coach her.

— So what did we learn? Both girls work hard. Great.

— On the practice courts, Ayano shoots Yu down. Meanwhile, Nagisa cuts her session short because she doesn’t want to let her future opponent see too much of her game. It sounds to me like she’s going to rely on some cheese tactics. We call them cheese because they typically only work once. Basically, Nagisa is acknowledging that Ayano would likely win, but if she can score some cheap points… well, you never know. The statheads will tell you that momentum doesn’t really exist in sports, but to a laypeople like you or me, we can’t help but feel more confident when the winds of fate seem to be blowing in our favor.

— Talk shit, get hi–… wait, not in this anime.

— And I’m just joking, by the way. No one should get hit. But c’mon, someone say something! Stop letting Ayano run her mouth!

— Well, I guess it has to be Elena.

— But even then, their conversation is so tame. Elena’s just like, “Why are you being this way? Are you having fun like this?” She’s not harsh at all.

— So Ayano reveals to her best friend that her mother has come home. Not only that, she claims that her mother abandoned her to make her better. Even though I think Uchika’s a bad mother, I think Ayano is misinterpreting her words.

— Nevertheless, she sticks to the idea that she can now abandon her mother the same way she was abandoned. During this whole scene, those horror-esque violins are screeching in the background. This is great. Top-notch drama.

— All Elena can do is blame herself and walk off. Ahhhh, this is not how you get through to a friend. Like sure, maybe she feels too emotionally overwhelmed to deal with Ayano’s bullshit right now, but like with everyone else on this show, I don’t think Elena is doing enough. This is not how you get the job done.

— As Elena’s leaving with her head down, Uchika dramatically walks past her. I don’t even know anymore.

— Elsewhere, Nagisa tells Riko that she’s gonna win, so I’m like, “Yeah, you go, girl!” Look, if she’s gonna risk injuring her knee even further, she may as well go all out. But then she turns around and goes, “I’m going to defeat myself.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Then immediately after she says that, she leaves without waiting for Riko’s response. Likewise, Riko just stands there with her mouth agape. These interactions, these conversations… people don’t act like this in real life, do they? At least I don’t think so!

— Almost everyone’s in attendance! Kaoruko, Nozomi, and of course, Uchika. Connie is probably the only important face that’s missing. Considering how she wants to have a family with the Hanesakis so badly, you’d think she’d be here to watch her “big sister” play.

— The match finally begins, and it looks like Nagisa’s strategy is to throw Ayano off by playing long rallies. Instead of smashes, she’ll mix in cut and drop shots. She wants to make her opponent overthink and thus play slower. Nagisa wants to dictate the rallies. That’s all fine and dandy, but will she have the stamina to keep this up?

— After just two points, Elena notices Uchika leaving the gym. The girl then chases after the woman, because she wants to talk about Ayano.  Still, it looks like we won’t get any answers until the final episode.

— Meanwhile, Nagisa reminds herself that she had the element of surprise on her side. The rest of the match won’t be so easy.

— All Ayano does is give her opponent that crazy, tweaked out look. Ah well, at least the this adaptation is wrapping up. If there’s a sequel, I don’t know if I want Liden Films to handle it. They have serious animating chops, so I can’t fault them there. They’ve managed to make badminton look damn good. Hell, even when the characters aren’t playing badminton, the show is a pleasant on the eyes. On the other hand, this sort of storytelling is goddamn tiring. It was amusing after five or six episodes, but I’m over it by now.

Time to slay the magic dragon. 

— Oh hey, the lineup of characters now has them all grown up. A couple of faces are missing, though. It’s obvious why Takashi isn’t standing with them, but it looks like Takezo is no longer with us either.

— We jump ahead five years, and I guess everyone is just content to wait for the Dragon to wake up. That’s nice of them. I figure if it’s truly that dangerous, why not just subdue it before it can wake up. But maybe that’s not the polite, gentlemanly thing to do.

— By the way, the Dragon’s real name is Azrabarakura. A commenter told me that Sensei and Generalissimo’s names are literary references, so maybe this one is the same. But I don’t care enough about the anime to look into it.

— So Nebula is just gonna float there like this? C’mon, at least cloak yourself so you don’t scare the poor Earthlings.

— That’s what her name is! Poor girl doesn’t even have a name on the official site, so I never knew what to call her.

— In general, it seems that girls just grow their hair out after a time skip. I guess Ginko looks better this way since twintails are kinda childish.

— In this fancy new age, you can just look people up with telepathy. Seems convenient. Or we could just text them too. That would work. Plus, is there a limit to this? If I wanted some privacy, could I prevent people from detecting where I am with telepathy? I’m just sayin’… it would be kinda suck if telepathy kept everyone connected at all times.

— We already saw what Nozomi looks like as a grown-up. What’s seemingly important, however, is that she’s a “Temporary Nebula Telepathic Unit Member”… whatever that means. She’s been receiving telepathic training, but is she really going to join Nebula? And what would that entail? Going from world to world to help guide alien races towards peaceful evolution?

— So, uh, five years have passed. Are these two a couple yet or what? Doesn’t look like it. They seem like close friends, but nothing more than that. Their relationship is mostly the same, but Soya’s much more confident in himself now. So instead of her supporting him all the time, he’s also supporting her when she feels anxious about the upcoming fight against the Dragon.

— Soya’s being all upbeat and cheerful, promising Nozomi that he’ll protect every single person on the planet. Then all of a sudden, The People of Paradise guy crashes the party just to be a killjoy: “The dragon is strong. You should be prepared to see people suffer.” This just makes me wonder even more why they allowed the dragon to slumber so peacefully.

— Nozomi can see the People of Paradise by holding Soya’s hand. Does that make her special or does that make her connection to him special?

— New hairstyle for Benika. I liked the old one better.

— Hideo is apparently some defense chief, but he looks like a salaryman to me.

— Harumi and Miu are now both office workers (probably at the same company as well), and they are super flirtatious with Soya. These two went to the same college as Soya and all three of them were even in the same club… well, it sounds more like Soya was roped into it. In any case, anime seems to give the impression that Japanese girls are super modest and chaste up until adulthood, then they become huge, flirty drinkers. All inhibitions fly out the window when you’re of age, I suppose.

— Nezuya didn’t have much to do in the first ten episodes, and I doubt he’ll have much to do now. Well, aside from hitting on alien babes.

— Apparently, the Dragon is actually a member of the People of Paradise who refused to leave his physical form behind. But why? What were his motivations?

— Also, we’re apparently not going to take him out or whatever. Rather, the People of Paradise want him back into their fold. I mean, if billions of Earthlings are in grave danger, do we really want to risk this? Is the Dragon’s life really worth all that much? He’s already nuked a planet before. We’re now banking on the fact that a handful of fighters can keep him from doing any damage to Earth as they hope to rehabilitate him. Eh, that doesn’t seem practical to me, but whatever.

— Basically, this is Earth’s fight, and Nebula is just here to offer support.

— Soya reiterates that he no longer desires revenge. Instead, he simply wants to cure the Dragon of his loneliness. How magnanimous. I guess I’d be too worried about my loved ones to be so… idealistic about my chances, I suppose. But I mean, he’s the anime hero, so unlike Average Joes like you or me, he should know that his chances of success are pretty good.

— Anyways, Takezo is dead (RIP), and Yousuke has cut his hair. It still looks pretty dorky, but parting your hair right down the middle hasn’t been cool on guys for quite some time now.

— As for the old man, he died from choking on mochi. Like shit, the writers didn’t even let him go quietly in the night. Still, I guess I don’t really feel anything. He wasn’t much of a character.

— In a meeting, Hideo tells Benika and Yosuke to each make out a will. Well, he’s a downer compared to Soya. But honestly, I would do the same. It seems sensible. Everyone else is a little too carefree.

— Later that night, a more mature Soya reflects on his people’s crimes, and tells Ginko that she can take revenge on him if she so wishes. It’s silly, though; he should know she wouldn’t do such a thing. She’s practically his nee-san, and they’ve lived together for five long years. If she had any ill will towards him, he would’ve known by now. No one is that good of an actor. Nobody can bury their feelings for that long without cracking even once.

— Anyways, Ginko tells Soya that her people are just super forgiving and chill. Well, they’re all vegans with green hair, so yeah, I guess so!

— Love, love, love. This is so schmaltzy.

— Ginko even invites him to her home planet, assuring him that everyone would embrace him with open arms. So many absolutes. But I guess that’s just how this anime works. I’m just curious, though… if they can forgive and forget nearly being destroyed by another race, does anything actually bother them? Maybe picking up a chicken wing in front of their face or something.

— It’s time for the big fight.

— Aw, the big sleepyhead finally woke up.

— Imagine a giant 8000 meter long dragon that can shoot out even smaller dragons.

— As the psychics attempt to subdue the Dragon — or whatever the hell they’re doing — the former Grand Paladins work together to protect them from the tiny dragons. Basically, this is just one last opportunity to see the gang in action. Even Nezuya gets to have his action hero moment.

— Imagine sleeping for five long years and still being this cranky.

— When our heroes punch the main Dragon back to the surface of the moon, the guy from the People of Paradise starts ranting about how justice can’t forgive anyone. Whuuuuu? That’s new to me, bro.

— He then reveals that the Dragon is none other than his brother. It’s one of those reveals where it’s just like, “Oh… okay.” I guess it fits in thematically with the rest of the story, but by itself, it doesn’t really resonate emotionally with me.

— This is a slow episode since it sets the stage for the final battle, so as a result, it really isn’t all that exciting. We got a bit of action towards the end, but I had a tough time getting through the first 75% of the episode. Anyways, at least this will be over and done after next week’s episode.

Don’t you love how you have to cook a good meal for some big, whiny baby or else it’ll wreck an entire region full of people? And you better bring it an offering full of random junk it won’t even take home or else it’ll get really, really mad! Anyways…

— At the twin cranes’ behest, Aoi asks Ranmaru for permission once more to cook for the ceremony. The twins believe in her, Ginji believes in her, and most importantly, Princess Iso believes in her. So what more can ask for? Ranmaru predictably gives her the OK.

— Afterwards, Aoi tells the twins that she’s come to love this place even though she was forced to come here, and this is why she wants to help out with the ceremony. Well, I mean, there’s also the fact that a bunch of people will die if she doesn’t.

— Later that day, everyone gathers outside the inn, because the umi-bouzu is approaching. Welp, time to put up or shut up.

— Unfortunately, that dastardly Raiju has one more trick up his sleeve: free advertising! Yep, thanks to his word of mouth, the inn is insanely busy tonight. You’d think they’d put out a notice or something, y’now? Something like, “Hey folks, we kinda have a very important ceremony to conduct or we’ll all die, so would you guys mind not fucking this up for us?”

— Also, someone as sociopathic should be locked up, but these characters are just like, “OH THAT RAIJU!”

— Anyways, among all the boats is one really, really big boat from Tenjin-ya. Do you think Odanna might be compensating for something?

— The ogre shows up and plays dumb. He also pretends as though he wants Aoi to come back with him tonight. He’s obviously messing around, but the girl starts freaking out and everything. Aoi’s kinda slow in the head…

— After Ranmaru swallows his pride and requests for Aoi to stick around for just one more day, Odanna reveals what he’s truly here for: he kinda knew that Raiju would try to mess with the ceremony, so he’s here to lend Orio-ya some help. Y’know, one of these days, Aoi will stop doubting Odanna and finally realize that he’s got this shit under control. One of these days…

— When Aoi starts to leave for the ceremony, Odanna tosses her a pouch full of something. He says it’s a token of good luck, but I’m not certain what’s actually in it. I guess we’ll just have to wait till the final episode.

— Part of the ceremony apparently requires Ginji to become a trap. Nope, he’s not just cross-dressing. He literally shapeshifts into a female form, because the umi-bouzu requires a dumb dancing show. Said show will be carried out by Ranmaru and Ginji.

— As a sign that they’ve now become friends or whatever, Ranmaru gives Aoi her hairpin back. Honestly, I literally forgot that the dumb thing existed.

— Ginji then presents Aoi with a special new kimono. In fact, Odanna had arranged it for her, because he wanted Aoi to feel at home while she’s cooking for the umi-bouzu. Like I said, the ogre has this shit on lockdown. Meanwhile, Aoi continues to pine over some ayakashi from her childhood and whether or not this ayakashi might be Ginji. Tsk tsk.

— So like I said at the start of the episode, the umi-bouzu just wants all of this junk collected and presented to it. According to Ginji, the damn thing won’t take any of the items home. It’ll just drink the alcohol and eat the food. He even goes on to add, “No one really knows who the umi-bouzu is, or what this ceremony is for.” Why do we have to appease this bastard? Tradition, I guess. Why do we have to kill ourselves in an attempt to collect these items? Tradition, I guess. Why can’t we even look at it while it’s eating? Look, it’s just tradition and tradition is always important!

— But it gets really confusing because not all things must remain traditional. What do I mean? Well, you’ll see.

— So the guest of the night arrives, and it’s just this… thing. It’s literally an amorphous blob.

— It’s a big blob, though. It’s huge, which is why I find it perplexing that Aoi would serve it such tiny morsels of food.

— Nevertheless, the thing’s got a teensy-tiny arm. I’m reminded of No-Face from Spirited Away.

— So here’s where the tradition-breaking moment arrives: Aoi slips a menu to the umi-bouzu, thereby asking the ayakashi directly what it would like to eat. Imagine that. Imagine actually taking someone’s order! The crane twins start praising Aoi’s “ingenuity,” which cracks me up. Ranmaru and his legion of dorks have had hundreds of years to plan for this dumb ceremony and not once did someone ask, “Hey, why don’t we just ask the umi-bouzi what it wants to eat?!” But then why is this okay? Why is it that we can change this up, but we better go fetch a stupid tree branch or else! It’s just arbitrary as hell, and it’s not as if Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi will provide any satisfactory answer.

— So what does the damn thing want? It wants shrimp! Between yellowtail teriyaki and boring-ass beef garlic steak, I would’ve picked shrimp too.

— Unfortunately, Chibi tagged along for the trip, and when the damn kappa smells cucumber, it decides to hop out of Aoi’s sleeve and run into the umi-bouzu’s room.

— Everyone’s freaking out, but it sounds like Chibi is making a new friend. All of a sudden, however, the kappa cries out, which makes Aoi pull up the screen to see what’s happening. Again, we’re not supposed to look at the umi-bouzu during the ceremony. Also, I want to say how stupid it is that Aoi not only allows Chibi to come along, but also run away from her.

— But look, next week’s episode is the last episode, and there’s no way that Aoi’s story is going to end in tragedy. So y’know what? Who cares? Do whatever. I’m sure everything’s going to turn out perfectly anyways.

I don’t feel so good, Felicia. 

How Not to Summon a Demon Lord Ep. 11

Plot Content:

— Shera and Klem sing their stupid biscuit song, which absolutely infuriates Alicia. ‘Cause, y’know, she wants to murder everyone and everything. So after everyone’s enjoyed their stupid biscuits, she lures Klem and Rem away from the group.

— Alicia hopes to awaken Klem’s murderous nature by turning Shera over to Saddler. But since Rem came along, she’ll do just as well. As for how this will work, Saddler will torture Rem, and this will stir up Klem’s hatred. And if she hates, she will become evil again… something like that. Hate leads to the dark side, yep yep.

— Just to kill some time, we see Rem try her best to escape from Saddler’s clutches. But we all know it’s pointless. We all know she has to suffer for this critical plot point so that Diablo can ultimately save her. When has any of these girls ever managed to save themselves?

— Later, Rem wakes up to find herself in a cage with Klem. She opens up to the demon loli that while carrying Klem inside her was tough, she doesn’t want her newfound friend to ever change. Yeah yeah, very sweet and touching.

— Unfortunately, Saddler has dragged both girls to his torture house of fun. The thing is that Klem could probably use just a fraction of her power in order to save Rem from these religious zealots. But Rem is stupid, so she insists over and over that it’s better for her to get tortured and die than for Klem to take one person’s life. This is dumb on so many levels.

— First, you’re basically forcing your friend to watch you get tortured. Like what could be worse than that? Are we honestly morally opposed to executing torturers? Way to go, genius. Oooh, we gotta protect this loli so hard that we’ll subject them to extreme emotional… anguish… instead? Fucking A+ there, girl.

— Second, the good guys in this show are so goddamn myopic. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that Saddler and his goons have been torturing and murdering people for, well, probably years! Yeah, yeah, taking a life is bad, but can you imagine how many lives you could protect by taking Saddler out? But oh no, we should never kill anyone! Even if they are Hitler incarnate, you mustn’t! It’s this kind of stupid morality that leads to even more death and suffering.

— Anyways, Diablos is running around town, desperately trying to find his haremettes. We all know he’s not allowed to find them, however, until Klem has been triggered. After all, this adaptation can’t end without one big blowout fight between the two demon lords.

— Oh yeah, Edelgard is leading a giant army of Fallens against Faltra. The city’s only defense is a barrier erected by Celes.

— So in the end, Rem stupidly allows herself to die in front of Klem. This predictably enrages the demon loli, so she’s now become a full-fledged demon lord much to Alicia’s delight. The new Klem proceeds to completely vaporize Saddler just by staring at him. Unfortunately, the new Klem also has no control over herself, so her power is threatening to destroy the protective barrier around Faltra.

— Despite taking maybe five or six stabs in the back, Rem is somehow still alive. Well, they say cats have nine lives.

— Only now does Diablo arrive to the scene. Shera also joins him, so he tasks her with reviving Rem with a fat stack of potions. Good thing he spent that morning crafting them, I suppose.

— Anyways, this was a thoroughly frustrating episode. There’s nothing more annoying than painfully naive do-gooders making things worse for everyone with their good intentions.

— What do I think will happen next week? Well, I’m pretty sure we all have the same predictions. After a big, bombastic fight, Diablo will turn Klem back to her loli self. Rem is most assuredly survive, because c’mon, this isn’t a downer series. Most of all — and this is the hilarious part — I’ll bet anything that Diablo and the girls will somehow “redeem” Alicia so that she can return to the harem fold.

Harem Content:

— Absolutely none at all. I’m as surprised as you are.

The Master of Ragnarok & Blesser of Einherjar Ep. 11

Plot Content:

— Look, this is one of the worst shows this season, so I don’t want to waste too much time on it. I’ll just mention the important stuff.

— Things look bad for Yuuto and his clan, but all he has to do is deliver a rousing speech. Since he’s been a good ruler, his soldiers get a huge boost in morale.

— Sigrun proceeds to beat Steinthor with a trusty katana, because this is anime. Japanese weapons are just badass, man! Much better than a stupid giant hammer that probably weighs a hundred times more than a katana!

— Meanwhile, this dork is somehow still alive despite tumbling off a Windows XP wallpaper in last week’s episode.

–It comes down to a duel between Yuuto and Loptor, and our hero wins by tackling Felicia’s older brother. Very heroic.

— Unfortunately, Sigyn’s terrible singing and spastic dancing is working its magic again, and this time, she manages to free Yuuto from his bonds. As a result, he disappears right before Felicia’s eyes, leaving nothing behind but his phone. Well, if she ever learns how to use that thing, she can be just as good as him at ruling her clan.

— Back in the real world (or the present, I guess), Mitsuki just happens to be walking by Yuuto’s home at the right time.

— She quickly rushes into his room to find that her love interest is back… except there’s no way he’s gonna stay here, right? I think there’s a good chance he willingly returns to the other world in next week’s episode. But who knows, maybe he’ll drag Mitsuki along with him this time.

Harem Content:

— None again. Like How Not to Summon a Demon Lord, we got nothing but delicious plot.

Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs Ep. 10

— Well, even though the other two shows are busy trying to tell their “well-written” stories, I know I can always rely on Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs to deliver on the juicy plot! We even get a beach episode this week!

— Right off the bat, we’re told that the teachers have allowed their students to wear whatever they want to the beach. What a school!

— Ninja girl proceeds to get peer-pressured into showing off more skin than she’s comfortable with.

— And apparently, she has to invite Kogarashi to go shopping with her, because it’s part of her ninja mission to befriend such a powerful guy. In the end, she finds it too embarrassing, so she makes up some story about how there’s a youkai at the swimsuit shop. Smooth.

— It’s just funny how these anime characters are forced to ask these awkward questions in person, but in real life, we all know we’d just shoot someone a message via our phones instead.

— By the way, we meet Urara, Sagiri’s friend. She’s also a ninja or whatever. I wouldn’t worry about getting to know her, because she’s just a side character.

— Sagiri’s first choice is something that looks like it came straight out of the 1890s. Not surprisingly, her friend disapproves. I’m just surprised that the store would even have something like that in stock.

— The next swimsuit looks flashy enough for a high schooler, but Urara still disapproves.

— As a result, the outfits just get skimpier, and skimpier, and skimpier. The girls may as well just go butt-naked at that point.

— For some dumb reason, Sagiri thinks that her “toned” body wouldn’t look cute in a swimsuit. First, her body looks no more toned than any other girl’s body in this show. Second, you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t like toned bodies.

— But of course, Urara doesn’t make any the two aforementioned points. Instead, she just gropes Sagiri instead, because that’s what all girls do in the dressing room, right?

— Then all of the noise and clamor makes Kogarashi panic, so he accidentally pulls back the curtain to see the two girls in an uncompromising position. Uh-huh, accidentally.

— Anyways, it’s time for the school trip, and I love how chill these girls are. Oh, there are ghosts? Cool!

— The guys, on the other hand, must be mad jealous that Chisaki is impressed with Kogarashi. Why do I say that? Because they absolutely refuse to believe that there are actual ghosts in this world even though a book is literally floating in front of them. Rather, they insist that Kogarashi is somehow playing parlor tricks. What?

— So we get to the beach and Sagiri is embarrassed by all the attention she’s getting. Nevertheless, Chisaki is supposedly the hot one. Shrug, they all look the same to me.

— The girls then join Kogarashi and his obligatory male best friend out in the ocean. It’s all fun and games until a tentacle monster with a penchant for female swimwear shows up. How oddly specific…

— Said tentacle monster proceeds to give aspiring doujin artists material to work with. Remember, we can’t show you too much on TV, but until you can buy the blu-rays to get rid of all the censoring, you can always let your imagination run wild!

— Meanwhile, Kogarashi has to dive 300 meters deep in order to save his haremettes from any further indignities.

— In the end, none of the girls are the least bit perturbed. I guess being attacked by tentacle monsters in Japan is just something you get used to.

— When Chisaki gets back on solid ground, she tries to sing Kogarashi’s praises to no avail. Her male classmates refuse to believe that the harem lead is as great as she claims. Gee, I wonder why.

— So the girls try to hatch some silly plan where Kogarashi will save someone during a courage test, and as a result, word will get around about his amazing heroics. But c’mon, who cares? It doesn’t bother the dude one bit that no one believes him. In fact, I bet you anything that Kogarashi would like to maintain a low profile.

— Anyways, Chisaki gets paired up with Kogarashi, so their plan falls apart right from the get-go. Yuuna also spooks herself, which just seems like an excuse to motorboat the harem lead.

— Urara then tries to test Kogarashi’s strength, which Sagiri opposes. This minor kerfuffle somehow leads to the latter planting her crotch right into Kogarashi’s face. On the other hand, Urara doesn’t fare much better. So this night has been a disaster right? Well…

— …you guys asked for a monster, so you got one. But we’ll deal with this next week. I’m sure Kogarashi will just beat the thing in one punch anyways. Then we’ll go back to harem-flavored slice-of-life nonsense.

Your moment of zen:

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