Akame ga Kill! Ep. 17: Double the fun

Alright, let’s see if anyone dies in this week’s episode of Akame ga Kill! What? This will only desensitize us to future deaths and render them meaningless? Pish posh! Pile on the body count!

– If you’ll recall, Bols’ last ditch effort is to create a giant, fuck-off explosion. Leone shields Akame, then collapses to the ground. Is she dead? Hm, nah. The anime isn’t milking this hard enough, so I bet she’s fine.

– As for Bols, we see a sappy flashback concerning his reluctance to eat with the rest of the Jaegers. Kinda hilarious how the story wants us to see the bad guys in a better light. There’s nothing remotely ambiguous about the results of their actions, but I’m supposed to care that the Jaegers have true camaraderie. C’mon, who gives a shit if they’re friends? So when the flashback ends, we get to hear Bols mutter the cliche-as-fuck “I want to eat with everyone again” line. Please, stop, you’re making me want to throw up.

– But this is the sort of sappy shit that the anime devolves into when someone’s about to die. So I can’t help but think…

– Somehow, he comes across a crying girl in the middle of nowhere, and he’s not smart enough to realize that this is probably a trap. Well, can you blame him? Look at his tiny, tiny head.

– In the middle of nowhere, after having just escaped a battle by the skin of his teeth, Bols nevertheless manages to bandage this shoujo’s scratched-up leg. With what supplies?

– Surprise, surprise… it was Chelsea in disguise all along. And just like that, Bols is dead. Hell, Chelsea disguised herself as this crying shoujo, because “[t]hat girl just now was from a village you burned down.” How does Chelsea kn-… meh, it’s not even important.

– Yes, yes, milk it hard. As Bols slowly dies, we get to see him think of his wife and children. I like how even when he’s with his family, he’s still in that ridiculous get-up. Honey, honey, let me express myself! Then back in the real world, we see Bols crawl desperately on the ground to try and make it back to his family. That’s why Leone’s not dead and Bols will most certainly die. Akame ga Kill! is very transparent, and the result of this is that nothing really comes as a surprise.

– But this is just a waste of time, ’cause no one in their right mind would feel sorry for Bols anyway. Like who gives a shit if he has a wife and child? Plenty of murderous dictators had families too. Doesn’t change the fact that their victim count numbers in the thousands. Has Bols killed over a thousand people? Shrug. But he’s a murderer. You’re just wasting time trying to get me to feel sorry for a murderer. It’s thus pointless and inane. I’m not saying we can’t feel sorry for an antagonist, but not these antagonists.

– Somehow, Lubbock was watching the entire thing unfold. Okay. Must be a small world. Still, Chelsea tells him that she isn’t done. She wants to go after Kurome, too. Uh, I think you should quit while you’re ahead. While I’m sure the story is more than willing to kill off Bols, Kurome is a special case. Considering her connection with Akame, do you really think a dinky character like Chelsea will be able to kill Kurome? Yeah, I don’t think so. If Chelsea insists on going after the girl, I think this will just spell her death. Again, Akame ga Kill! is very predictable. Characters can be divided up into neat tiers, and this lets you know who can kill who. Will Akame kill her sister one day? Probably. A dork like Chelsea or Lubbock? Nah.

– Nevertheless, Chelsea has gotten soft, and it’s all because of Tatsumi. Man, the story doesn’t even bother to develop the relationship between those two. Chelsea just started liking him one day, and as a result, she might potentially die by the end of this episode. Talk about a throwaway character.

– Now, we get a flashback regarding Akame and Kurome’s past. Ah yes, orphans from the start, trained by the government to become killers. Basically, your run-of-the-mill backstory for an assassin.

– C’mon, they’re little kids. Why are they barely dressed? You tell me the show can’t be bothered to at least cover up their torsos? Blah blah blah, they were separated because the bad guys don’t want the siblings to depend on each other too much. How very sad.

– Elsewhere, our heroes are recovering just fine. Oh, would you look at that! Leone’s just fine! Not only that, Lubbock will just sew her arm back on and her regenerative powers will do the trick. It’s that easy, yo. At the same time, Akame ga Kill! shoots itself in the foot. The only meaningful thing that ever happens is a death. There’s no in-between. There’s no sense of attrition. Lubbock will just sew her arm back on, and it’s like she never even lost it!

– Lubbock eventually returns to tell them all about Chelsea’s misguided plans. Akame and Tatsumi will try to back our schoolgirl up, but unfortunately, it’s probably a little too late.

– Apparently, Kurome constantly munches on her snacks because they keep her alive.

– Chelsea strikes first, but…

– Oh lord, now we get a flashback regarding Chelsea’s past, and how she came to possess her Imperial Arms. Her fate is definitely sealed. There’s no reason we couldn’t see this bit of character development before. We only see it now because she’s about to exit the story for good.

– Y’know, what bothers me is that it’s not as if Chelsea doesn’t have a weapon on her. Nevertheless, she’s so confident in her needles that she never double-checks her work. As soon as Kurome is on the ground, our shoujo assassin should’ve stabbed her repeatedly with the weapon she has on her. But making sure you do a thorough job is apparently not an assassin’s specialty. It’s also difficult to care for these characters when they aren’t even smart enough to do something as simple as being thorough.

– Surprise, surprise, Kurome is not dead.

– It was nice knowing you, Chelsea! Well, not really. We barely knew anything about you, you had just joined the team, and now you’re going to bite the dust. Ho-hum.

– Kurome even says that you have to behead her or pulverize her heart if you want to kill her.  So much for being thorough.

– First things first, Chelsea loses her fingers. Grisly.

– Then the girl even gets to die in a field of flowers. How needlessly dramatic.

– What have we learned today, kids? Don’t fall in love with the main character without actually spending time with him. Don’t go after a major character that you don’t deserve to kill. And always, always double-check your work. Good lessons, I’d say!

– Afterwards, Tatsumi comes across Chelsea’s head on a pole. Welp.