Is It Wrong to Pick Up Girls In a Dungeon? Ep. 2: Great sacrifices

Well, she’s not wrong.

— Usually, the shounen hero works his way up accompanied by blood, sweat and tears. But we haven’t got time for that. We haven’t got time for the prototypical shounen hero, so Bellri has to cheat. As we’ve already learned last week, he has this rare ability to grow quickly or gain attributes quick. Something like that. ‘Cause we love RPGs, and we’ve got to squeeze RPGs into everything we do.

— Why RPGs? They’re easy to understand, I guess. Everything important is represented by a number. Even the hero’s sheer determination can be represented by the player’s playtime if you want to be cheeky about it. So what does it do specifically for Bellri? Well, he’s growing stronger everyday and shit, but like I’ve said, we haven’t got time for that. Despite being a visual medium, we can’t actually show you his true strength. Instead, Hestia will climb on the kid’s back, act all shocked and shit, and just tell us that his attributes are high. You believe her, right?

— The shounen hero is at least inspiring, because he works hard and everything. It’s hard to really care too much for Bellri though, because he’s cheating. He’s not even deliberate cheating, but the story is doing it for him. He’s becoming stronger and stronger everyday, but we’ve hardly seen him do anything noteworthy. At the end of last week’s episode, it looked like he poopsocked for XP on some low level trash mobs, and voila, he’s stronger than ever. It’s hard to really root for a character like this.

— And likewise, he’s somehow managing to cheat his way through his social life. What has he even done for Syr? Nothing. He’s only just met him. Nevertheless, she’s already in love with him. Nevertheless, she just knew he’d drop by her workplace, so she’s made him a ready meal. Who the hell makes someone else lunch after just their second encounter? But we haven’t got time for an inspiring shounen hero, so we’ll just have this crybaby harem lead who somehow gets all the girl’s attention anyway.

— It goes from bad to worse when the goddess of fucking beauty now also has her eyes on Bellri. Thanks, rare ability! All the hot babes in this city are after me, and it’s all because of you! I don’t even have to lift a finger.

— Eyes-chan has next to no presence in the episode, but in the one scene that she’s in, she still manages to take one quick glance at a crowded street and spot Bellri instantly. So oh ho ho, she’s got her eyes for him, too! Bellri, you dog!

— Bellri’s biggest cheat of all is that he gets to be the main character of the show when he doesn’t have to work hard whatsoever. He gets to take a few licks here or there (like the end of last week’s episode), so emerging all bloodied from the conflict, he might even look heroic for just a quick second.

Just a quick second, though. But no doubt about it, the guy doesn’t really do anything. He purportedly works hard, but we don’t even get to see that. He just gets to say stupid shit like, “I don’t want to lose any more family.” But it’s okay for Hestia to lose him, right?

— Nah, the person who actually does the main character’s work is Hestia, and it’s no surprised that so many anime fans have quickly taken to her. Who knew a fucking string would be so effective in charming the imagination of hornballs everywhere. But not only that, the narrative actually shows her dedication to Bellri. She goes to such lengths to support the kid even though he’s got Eyes on Eyes. She even puts herself in centuries of debt just to get the kid a knife hand-crafted by Hephaestus herself.

— Yeah, it’s a her. Most of the gods we’ve seen are hot babes. For some reason, Ganesha is not a hot babe. I guess you don’t want to personify an elephant with many arms as a hot babe. But anyway…

— Make no bones about it, the real story here is Hestia’s quest to win Bellri’s heart. She’s the one that the audience can pity. Her quest is quite pathetic, since there’s nothing particularly charming about the object of her affections, but we can at least relate and empathize with someone who actually works hard and puts her heart out there on the line.

— Bellri hasn’t had to do anything, and yet, everything is handed to him. He’s not a hero. Hestia is. So why do we have to pretend that Bellri is the main lead of the story? Well, no matter what year it is, we still embrace that old adage: “Behind every great man is a great woman.” So long as she stays back there, I guess. It’s the sacrifice she has to make.