Butterfly Joe: “Question for you, Mr. Tsukimoto. What happens when someone goes after a hero’s weak point?”
Smile: “Heroes don’t have weak points.”
Both Obaba and Butterfly Joe know that Peco’s knee is killing him, yet you wouldn’t notice it by the way the kid is playing. He’s giving Smile the match of a lifetime, showing everyone that heroes don’t have weak points. That’s the key difference here. Early on in the episode, Butterfly Joe wonders if his tutelage had helped Smile. Would Smile be able to do what the old man had failed to do? Would Smile be able to “[drive] a stake into an old friend’s injury?” Normally, this would be a difficult dilemma for anyone to face. How do you weigh your own personal ambitions against a friend’s well-being? Butterfly Joe couldn’t do it to his friend Kazama. In fact, Butterfly Joe had to throw to match in order for Kazama to win. ‘Had’ is the key word here. With Smile and Peco, however, the situation is different. Like with Kazama, Peco’s knee is killing him. Nevertheless, the boy with the bowl cut plays as though he feels no pain, thereby living up to Smile’s proclamation: “Heroes don’t have weak points.”
Peco is truly the catalyst in Ping Pong. Whoever he plays, he allows them to fly. More specifically, he frees them from their shame. I’ve already covered Kong and Dragon in previous posts, so I won’t get into too much detail about those two here. It’ll suffice to say that Kong felt the shame of being exiled from his country, and Dragon felt the shame of his father’s shortcomings. Both characters strove to win at all costs in order to make up for their shame. In losing to Peco, however, both characters realized what they were truly missing in life. As a result, they were freed from their shame and allowed to live life to its fullet. Having said that, what’s the deal with Smile then? What is Smile ashamed of? Or perhaps more correctly, what would Smile have been ashamed of if not for Peco? It’s simple: if Peco had not been a hero, Smile would have felt the shame of “[driving] a stake into an old friend’s injury.”
Butterfly Joe saw himself in Smile. As a result, the old man wanted to correct in Smile what he saw as a major failure in himself. The old man is, however, mistaken. There’s no shame in considering a friend’s feelings. The problem was that Butterfly Joe allowed himself as a player to fade into obscurity after he had let Kazama win. It also didn’t help that Kazama went on to brag about his victory: “I hear you’ve been telling people you beat me through sheer grit.” As a result, Butterfly Joe felt as though an injustice had been done. He had shown Kazama mercy, but his friend threw it back in his face. Butterfly Joe thus tried to help Smile do what he couldn’t do. What the old man only now realizes, however, is that winning at all costs isn’t the ideal situation either. To truly win this match and thus the championship, Smile would have to “[use] a strategy that might end [Peco's] career.” That is, if Peco had been any normal player. As we all know, however, Peco, is a hero.
As previously stated, Peco plays as though he isn’t injured. He plays as if he feels no pain even though Butterfly Joe advises Obaba to rush the kid to the hospital as soon as the match is over. Instead, when people watch Peco play, they can’t help but feel as though ping pong is the funnest sport in the world. By showing no weakness, Peco frees Smile from the his dilemma. To answer Butterfly Joe’s question, Smile could totally do it. Smile could totally do what the old man could not do. Nevertheless, he doesn’t have to. Peco’s ability to defy all logic and thus ignore his weaknesses allows Smile to go all out without having to feel any guilt. Smile doesn’t have to think, “Wow, I’m about to ruin my friend’s career,” because he knows that even if Peco loses here, he would bounce back and become a champion in table tennis one day. As a result, both friends are able to go all-out and play with reckless abandon.
We even see Smile dive into the stands to retrieve a ball, thereby cutting his knee in the process and spilling a tiny bit of blood. Nevertheless, this scene is important. Like everyone else, Smile can bleed. Unlike what most people have been saying, Smile is not a robot. Being a natural introvert, however, Smile only felt comfortable going all-out against a true friend. Throughout the match, we see scenes from the two kids’ younger days. Smile was, of course, bullied by the other kids. He was called a robot back then as well, and as we’ve already learned, the bullies would trap Smile in a locker, a metal prison to match their verbal insults. Peco freed Smile from not just the locker, but the his proverbial shell as well. More importantly, Peco showed that Smile could bleed just like the rest of them. He showed that Smile’s hands coursed with blood just like the rest of them. As a result, it’s okay to have fun, it’s okay to get angry, and it’s okay to stand up to your bullies. Smile cutting his knee and showing blood now during the finals shows that nothing has changed. He still bleeds like the rest of them, but most of all, Peco is still the hero who frees Smile from his prison. As Smile dives for the ball that is going out of bounds, we see his metallic surface shatter to reveal the flesh and blood underneath.
Obaba: “And it’s not like it matters who wins this one.”
According to a photo in Obaba’s dojo, it would appear that Peco had gone on to win the match, but she’s still right. It wouldn’t have really mattered if Smile had won instead. If a battle is an externalization of the conflict between two sides, there is no conflict here. It’s just two friends competing with each other for the love of the game and the love of the game alone. There are no other factors to consider. As a result, seeing Smile and Peco go all-out and enjoy themselves is the ending. No more really needs to be said. After all, the outcome of the match wouldn’t have changed anything anyway. Win or lose, we can easily imagine Peco going on to become a champion in table tennis. Had he lost, I don’t think Peco would have fallen into despair and malaise again. He’s been through it already, and he knows he can’t give up on the sport. We can imagine Peco recovering from his knee ailment, and eventually train himself to become a champion. From what we can tell in the epilogue, this is indeed what he does anyway. Likewise, win or lose, we all know Smile only plays table tennis for fun. It’s not like victory would’ve turned Smile into the Michael Jordan of the sport. Fittingly, we see Smile has become an elementary school teacher in the epilogue. As adults, both characters are where they truly belong, and a different outcome to the finals wouldn’t have changed any of that.
Smile: “What’s wrong with being mediocre?”
There are some nice touches in the epilogue, but I won’t get into them since I’d just be recapping what you could see for yourself. So instead, I’ll sum up my thoughts on the series as a whole.
Ping Pong has been a nice surprise, since I had no expectations of the anime going into the season. Sure, the animation is not technically stellar — in fact, it is downright comical at times – but it is certainly expressive, which is important for a show like this. I think what really works for the anime, however, is its heavy emphasis on each and every single one of the show’s major characters. No one is underdeveloped here. Not a single person is wasted or used as a plot device. Every single character is explored to the fullest. Hell, even side characters like Yurie have a surprisingly level of depth. We get to see and understand what drives each of these characters. We also explore their hopes, their dreams, their fears, their concerns, etc. It’s easy to trick the audience into pitying the characters. You just have to bludgeon them with emotional trauma until they are numb from the experience. It takes a deft hand, however, to elicit a wide range of emotions from the audience, and this is what Ping Pong accomplishes with much finesse. The characters do not simply wallow in their failures. Instead, the anime weaves a story in which the characters feel not only despair and resentment, but hope as well. Ping Pong‘s story is as human as can be, and that is why it’s my favorite show of the season.
G542, the latest Gauna threat, apparently gets its size from wrapping its placenta around a dwarf planet. Even so, the amount of energy required to move that much mass around at “high speeds” is mind-boggling, isn’t it? Naturally, Sidonia tries to change its course to avoid collision with G542, but somehow, the Gauna 8,000 times larger in volume than our spacefaring ship is at least just as agile, if not more. The command center quickly learns that no matter which direction it takes, it won’t be able to outrun the living planet. Sidonia thus has no choice but to fight back and defend itself. But how do you even begin to fight back against what is practically a sentient planet? Can you even wrap your mind around such an idea? Can you imagine what it would feel like if our moon suddenly comes alive and intends to ram itself into us? Oh wait, I’ve played Majora’s Mask… But joking aside, humanity at least has one thing going for it: G542 is mostly hollow.
Seriously though, I really wish the anime would take the time to explain something like the G542 is even remotely possible. How is it that any organic, sentient creature is capable of such a thing? On the other hand, the characters themselves don’t even understand what they’re up against, so what chance does the audience have of comprehending this madness? Plus, we ourselves know very little about the universe. Who knows what really lurks out there? Still, you can’t help but have some concerns for the narrative if this pattern continues to hold true. With each passing episode, the Gauna threat continues to increase by leaps and bounds. What’s next? A Gauna the size of a star system? Will we eventually be flinging spiral galaxies at each other? Considering the Gauna’s incomprehensible nature, however, the alien threat is more like a force of nature than anything else. Hell, maybe they are the manifestations of the Old Gods themselves. Seriously, though, how can the story keep it up at this rate? It can’t keep escalating the threat forever, can it?
Also, how does a Gauna that large go undetected until Sidonia is literally on a collision course with it? As previously stated, the amount of energy required to move a dwarf planet around at that speed must be immense. As a result, the amount of energy G542 gives off must also be immense. I’d expect our civilization a thousand years in the future to have means to detect such an apparent anomaly. After all, space itself is empty and cold. It shouldn’t be this difficult… unless magic is somehow involved. Of course, the story could always hand-wave these questions away and claim that the planet-sized Gauna is capable of concealing everything about itself until it is too close for comfort. Nevertheless, even a weak explanation is at least an explanation, which is more than what we can say at the moment. The truth is, Knights of Sidonia only touches on its science. It never bothers to go too in-depth on that front.
When the mission to destroy G542 is finally underway, the Gardes with their long, needle-like cannons end up looking like mosquitoes. It doesn’t help either that the surface of the Gauna looks like highly-magnified skin tissue and hair. I doubt the imagery here is accidental. To the alien, Sidonia’s knights must feel like nothing more than meddlesome bugs. Perhaps humanity can no better understand the Gauna the same way a mosquito will never understand us. If the Gauna has the capabilities to move planets at will, it is silly to assume it has anything less than human intelligence. Who’s to say their intelligence isn’t so much greater that we can’t even begin to fathom it? In fact, perhaps the Shizuka-lookalike is the best way the Gauna can even hope to communicate with the human race, but this is akin to us creating a mosquito simulacrum in an attempt to communicate with actual mosquitos. Surely, we are infinitely smarter than a mosquito, but at the same time, it doesn’t mean we have any means to communicate with one. At best, we would only be able to mimic a mosquito’s actions…
Eventually, casualties begin to mount. Sidonia sends two entire platoons to carry out the mission, but when Benisuzume reappears, platoon two is completely wiped out. Kobayashi, with Yuhata as her mouthpiece, is forced yet again to make another risky gambit: Sidonia will attempt to open up a hole in the placenta, which will allow the remaining Gardes to penetrate the surface in an attempt to finish off the Master Gauna lurking beneath. By firing its Higgs cannons, however, Sidonia will no longer be able to change its course in the short-term. Then again, it’s not like the ship would be able to escape G542 if the mission fails anyway. And like before, Sidonia must put significant portions of itself at risk in order to pull this gambit off; the ship will have to cut power and gravity to its residential areas. But nothing has changed. Sidonia will still protect itself at all costs even if this means incurring some self-inflicted damage.
We nevertheless see the Immortal Ship Committee sit there and put all the blame on Kobayashi for the latest developments, but what would they have done in her place? We have no clue. We barely know anything about these shadowy figures. We know that they are immortal, and that they rather dislike Nagate. We also know that they are prepared to depart from Sidonia should our heroes fail to save Sidonia from G542. I find their false sense of calmness rather funny, actually. Should Sidonia’s destruction come to pass, what would these “people” even do? Their identities, after all, is supposed to be a secret. How would they get by without Sidonia? And where would they go? Who would take them in? How far could the their departure ship even get before it runs out of fuel and resources? You can’t help but think that the Immortal Ship Committee are just full of clowns who have no idea what they’re talking about.
Throughout the episode, we also get brief glimpses at Norio and his newfound embrace of nihilism. He seems to have resigned himself to death, not even bothering to affix his safety harness at the behest of Sidonia’s emergency broadcast system. I wonder what Norio is really thinking. He continues to believe that he should’ve been the one to pilot the Tsugumori, and yet, he’s sitting comfortably in his own home as the rest of his colleagues fly off to face almost certain death. Surely, a person who shirks his duties is not honorable enough to pilot the Tsugumori. Surely, Norio is smart enough to realize that by hiding away like this, he is only bringing shame upon himself and his family. How, then, is he failing to recognize the obvious truth that is staring him right in the face? Needless to say, depression has done a number on the once-proud antagonist. He’s now just a pitiful character.
Anyway, if I had to guess, I’d say that this episode is nearly 95% action. The action is not bad, but there isn’t much for me to say about it. I’m not the type of blogger to go into copious details about that sort of thing. For what it’s worth, I find the episode rather enjoyable, actually. Nevertheless, I think I’ve commented on as much as I reasonably could, so I’ll call it a week here and wait for next week’s conclusion. I’ll then give my final thoughts on what is hopefully Knights of Sidonia‘s first season, i.e. not its only season. I mean, I wouldn’t give the show an A grade or anything like that, but I’m interested in seeing more of the story.
Mushishi takes a break for now with a sleepy, little episode. For the entirety of its runtime, Ginko is the only person to utter a single spoken word. Even then, there are long moments of complete silence as the man takes in his surroundings. This is clearly not the episode for the impatient or the easily bored. It soon becomes apparent why the show has ramped up its contemplative mood. When change comes, it’s always helpful take pause and reflect. The languid pace of this week’s episode seems to lend itself to this need to slow down and observe. When Ginko tries to do anything but observe, that’s when anxiety would come. This week, Ginko finds himself trapped on a mountain that has been sealed by a turtle. Hey man, don’t knock the turtle. It’s the mountain lord, and it can apparently decide who comes and goes. The Mushi themselves have always been somewhat fantastical in nature, but this episode takes it up another notch.
First, as already mentioned, it’s the idea that a mountain can even be sealed. At one point, Ginko tries to leave on his own accord, but no matter which direction he takes, he finds himself doubling back to his campsite. Because Ginko always has an explanation for the Mushi, you sometimes forget just how supernatural Mushishi‘s universe really is. Second, the mountain seals itself up in order to hibernate and heal. Ginko fears, however, that if the mountain hasn’t revived by now, perhaps it is dying. He quickly comes to the conclusion that he’ll also share its fate if he doesn’t find a way to escape. But how can a mountain can die? Not only that, how can it die from just a few landslides? What does it even mean for a mountain to die? I suppose I’m getting a bit too carried away here. For a moment, I actually imagined the entire landmass just simply disappearing from sight. Hey, that’s what dying typically means, isn’t it? The end of existence? But realistically, the death of a mountain probably just means it’ll lose all signs of life. Even so, it’s crazy to imagine that a mountain can die in such a way because of a few landslides.
When Ginko tries to get the mountain lord’s attention, it seem as through the turtle can command the Oroshibue, a Winter-esque Mushi. A flock of it then knocks Ginko into a tiny lake in which he can’t escape, but he soon finds that he can breathe in it. He also sees that all of the mountain’s animals have gathered here to literally hibernate as the rest of the mountain puts itself to sleep. Ginko’s fears are thus allayed. The mountain isn’t dying and neither are the animals. Like when we have a flu and we just stay in bed all day to recuperate, the mountain and everything on it are basically hitting the snooze button to sleep it out. As I’ve said at the start of the post, one of the primary message in this week’s episode is to just take pause and reflect. When Ginko tried to be a problem-solver — which you can’t exactly blame him for since this is what he does all series — he couldn’t help but jump to conclusions, e.g. the mountain was dying. Nature, however, always finds a way, and the fact that the mountain lord is represented by the turtle seems to reflect this notion.
On a meta level, it’s interesting to note that the second season of Mushishi will take a hiatus by ending with an episode like this one. It seems that the show itself will hibernate as well until the studio is ready to release more episodes. I’ve heard that they’ve been having production troubles, so I guess even the anime will have to heal itself. In any case, we’ve certainly gotten our fair share of winter-themed stories, and “Shiver,” the anime’s opening song sets the right mood and tone from the get-go. Lucy Rose sings of a lover who longs for an ex-lover even if their relationship wasn’t perfect: “And if we turn back time, could we learn to live right?” He or she is even willing to leave the person they are currently with if the old relationship could be rekindled. The song captures that essence of winter, i.e. the sense of longing as the cold settles in. The feelings of depression and malaise creeps into the mind as the nights get dark quicker. The way uneasiness with the current situation eventually becomes an obsession with the past — of times that we now look upon with rose-tinted glasses.
Eventually, Ginko awakens from his imposed hibernation to find that spring has come. Before he can take in the new sights and depart from the mountain, however, he notices that the flock of Oroshibue has found his kouki, and they are making off with it before they migrate. He even wonders if the turtle had only allowed him to enter the mountain in the first place to get at his kouki. In a way, it’s a starting over period for everyone, including the main character himself. Typically, feelings of depression, malaise, and obsession are not solved by returning to the ex-lover you had once broken up with. After all, if you even broke up in the first place, there’s a good chance the relationship is too unhealthy to work out. Granted, this doesn’t sound romantic or beautiful, but life isn’t a fairy tale. Sometimes the best solution is a rebirth. In other words, you need to allow the past to die in order to move on with your life. Of course, that isn’t to say that returning to an old relationship will absolutely, 100% not work, but the healthy foundation had better be in place to begin with…
Although Ginko and the mountain beasts may have slumbered in one sense, they were also devoid of life in another sense. You could then say that the mountain had to kill a part of itself in order for it to heal. And just like with the song in the OP, I suspect the subject of the ballad will also need to put the old relationship to sleep if he or she can ever move on to see the spring. Longing for an old lover is not exactly healthy. Likewise, we see how an obsession with the past has or nearly destroyed the lives of the people Ginko had encountered. Snow perpetually fell on a young man because he continued to blame himself for his sister’s death. A family forced a woman to live forever by grafting her head onto other people’s bodies. A sailor nearly killed his mother because he couldn’t accept that she didn’t love him. I’m just listing off a few examples, but you get the picture. With winter comes the idea of stasis. With stasis comes the idea of obsession. In order to get over an obsession, you have to let a part of yourself die.
Having said that, I wonder if later episodes will get a new OP. It would make sense thematically, but the first season never changed its OP. Anyway, Mushishi is as fantastic as always. I’ve said elsewhere that Ping Pong is my favorite anime of the season, but that’s because it came out of nowhere to surprise me. Mushishi is as good as it has always been, and that’s not a knock on it whatsoever. it’s still one of the two anime this season that I would absolutely recommend without a caveat. Even though the posts on this anime typically got the least views this season, I’ll still blog the show whenever the rest of the episodes come out (I’ve been told not to expect Artland to stick to its schedule). It’s nice to watch something that isn’t about kids saving the world or trying to have a shining high school life.
So WordPress just reminded me that it’s Moe Sucks’ five-year anniversary today. I would celebrate the occasion, but I’m stuck watching and writing about Mahouka. Where have I gone wrong? WHERE?! It’s okay, though. I’ve found the perfect smiley for Tatsuya:
– Leo presses a button and the top half of the sword starts to levitate into the air… that’s nice, I guess? Tatsuya then launches into another one of his dry-ass explanations. I’m not going to cover it.
– Leo then tests the sword out on a bunch of straw dummies, but notice how the camera is really up close and personal with said dummies. We don’t actually get to see the guy swing his extendo sword around, because Madhouse doesn’t even want to animate this shit anymore. The story is so bad, the studio has given up on it. Just put in the minimum effort, and sell whatever blu-rays you can to the hardcore fans.
– The best part here, however, is that we don’t even see Leo or his magical levitating sword again for the rest of the episode. Hasn’t this just been the most useful scene?
– Usually, I have the magic touch, so I can skip through the OP without seeing a second of it. This must be a bad day, however, ’cause I failed and I was reminded of this:
So, y’know, when is this scene ever going to take place?
– After the OP, we get to see Mari compete again. Obviously, I don’t care about the show, so I don’t care about the characters either. But let’s just say I did like the show. Oh, I don’t know, maybe I hit my head at some point and I now think Mahouka is the best shit in the world. Even in that unlikely scenario, however, why would I care about Mari or how she does in this competition? What do I even know about her? Why should I even root for some random character? This is no different than asking me to watch a random sports team play and root for them. I don’t know Mari’s story. I don’t know what makes her tick. I don’t know why it’s important that she wins. Therefore, I don’t know why I’m watching her compete. This is just storytelling 101, and Mahouka fails at it 100%.
What’s even funnier is that Mahouka is supposedly focused on world-building. It’s the characters that are important, though. It’s the characters that bring life to your world. Otherwise, why even bother to world-build? Mahouka‘s characters are so underdeveloped and one-dimensional. Even Tatsuya has no depth to him. They’re just there to look cool. This show is such a sharp contrast to something like Ping Pong where you really get inside the characters’ heads. Here, it’s just a bunch of cool-looking people doing a bunch of cool-looking things. There’s no substance here whatsoever. This is a shallow anime for shallow fans. Sure, the story vomits an inane amount of details about the magic in Mahouka‘s universe, but this is nothing more than just extraneous details. Meanwhile, we have a bloated cast and none of them stand out in any way, shape, or form.
– One of the girls end up crashing into Mari, so she ends up in the hospital. But nothing has changed. Seeing her now injured, I feel nothing. It turns out she’ll be out of commission for at least a week because she’s broken her ribs. This should be a tragedy, but to me, it’s just like… eh, whatever. I’m sure it sucks, but she’s not real. And yeah, you could say, “Uh duh, fictional characters aren’t real. Tell me something I don’t know.” But again, that’s the whole point of storytelling. You have to get me to care about the fictional character that you’ve just conjured up out of nowhere. You can’t just tell me that one of your fictional characters has broken her ribs and expect me to give a shit. Oh, she can’t compete anymore? So what? Who the fuck is Mari?
– Mayumi: “Thank goodness… There doesn’t seem to be any mental damage…” Weeeeeellllllll…
– Even though Mari has helped save another girl’s career as a magician, she is salty about the fact that she now has to pull out of the competition. Mayumi tries to reason with the girl the only way she knows best: “That was Tatsuya’s opinion as well.” Yes, praise the lord, because Tatsuya has weighed in! He approves of your actions. Therefore, you need not be sad, little haremette. Yes, you won’t win any prestigious awards this year, but the harem lead looks down upon you and… smiles.
– Whoa, whoa, whoa… not only does Tatsuya approve, he was the one who carried Mari to the infirmary. S-she’s been touched by the lord himself!
– Tatsuya even told the paramedics what to do. Even though it’s their fucking job to help injured people, but it’s Tatsuya, man! Tatsuya obviously knows more about medicine than some random medical professional! Oh, you studied for years in school? Pfft, I’m the fucking harem lead! Do you know who you’re talking to?
– Just look at Mari’s reaction:
Nuh-uh, guys, this isn’t a harem! It just has a lot of elements you would find in a harem anime!
– Now the conspiracy begins. A mysterious third party had used magic to hinder the girl, thereby causing her to lose control. Thankfully, Tatsuya’s not here. He would’ve launched into a lecture on what angle the magic had been cast at, and whether or not his balls had felt a wind chill at the time.
– Mayumi goes, “Tatsuya agrees with me on that, too.” So you know it’s valid! Tee-hee, I’m just a haremette! Don’t ask me! Ask Tatsuya! She then says, “…he’s going to… analyze the fluctuations of the water’s surface.” Yeah, he would do that, wouldn’t he?
– New scene! And it begins with Tatsuya saying, “I considered it from all angles.” Bahaha, of course… But anyway, I spoke too soon when I had previously said, “Thankfully, Tatsuya’s not here. He would’ve launched into a lecture…” ‘Cause I sure as hell am getting that lecture now!
– Oh my, Tatsuya comes to the conclusion that something other than a human was lurking in the water. The magical interference came from… inside!
– Something about spirits and ley lines. I get enough fucking ley lines from Nobunaga the Fool, so I’m not going to bother with it here. In fact, mysteries are fun when something crazy happens. Like a murder. Or a grand heist. Here, someone conspired to knock two competitors out of a race. I don’t really care.
– To compound matters, Mayumi states that First High would have to win both of the remaining events to win the entire competition. Aren’t you glad to see animated bar graphs, though? Too bad I have even less reason to care about the school since it supposedly turns a blind eye to blatant discrimination.
– In the same scene, Mayumi goes, “…[we have] the added perk of having to watch out for interference by an unknown entity.” Do you really? Do you? If our characters are so sure that Mari’s race had been tampered with, why not bring their evidence to the officials? Don’t you think the tournament organizers would want to ensure fairness in an athletic competition? Don’t you think they would void the results of the event? Let’s not do anything reasonable, though! Let’s just have Tatsuya play master sleuth instead!
– Since Mari is out for the count, the Gary Stu’s almost equally Mary Sue-ish sister will have to take her spot. Yay, let’s now root for the girl with the bro complex! How convenient is it that Miyuki now gets to save First High’s competitive aspirations! And at the same time, Tatsuya truly saves the day behind the scenes! At some point, the story’s creator’s going to have these two characters cure both AIDS and cancer in one fell swoop.
– Miyuki doesn’t know why she’s being picked. Naturally, one of Mari’s reasons refers to what Tatsuya thinks: “Your little sister has what it takes to win the Official Event, right?” He’s not even talking to her! It’s totally up to Miyuki whether she accepts the role or not! Nevertheless, let’s ask Tatsuya what he really thinks! Nothing happens without Tatsuya giving a fart about it!
– Tatsuya says, “It’s possible.” As expected, that’s enough for Miyuki to beam with optimism. Hai, oniichan! I worship the ground you walk on! Too bad I’m not real… but you can always buy more of these crappy novels to keep the dream alive.
– Afterwards, more crappy competitions. Our lord and savior promises to watch Honoka’s match, which makes the girl super happy. Naw, it’s not a harem anime, guys. And apparently, Shizuku’s family wants to hire Tatsuya for some reason, but since this is the first time I’ve heard about this, I’m just going to ignore it.
– Honoka is nervous about her upcoming match. But wait! Let’s see what the harem lead thinks! Miyuki thus says, “I know you’ll be just fine, Honoka.” Wait for it… wait for it… “Didn’t my brother tell you the same thing?” There it is! We’ve gotten the harem lead’s approval once again! Alright, you are now allowed to live your life, Honoka.
– “So he’s steadily increasing his fan-base, huh?” Have you heard the good word about Tatsuya, our Gary Stu?
– We then see Shizuku compete in the speed-shooting competition, but there’s absolutely no substance here either. Honoka says, “Shizuku is tagging all solid substances inside the zone with Vibrating Wave Magic to destroy her targets.” Very interesting.
– No, really, just look at this shit:
Christ… And yet, the anime can’t be bothered to develop any of its characters. That’s fucking hilarious. Get to know Shizuku? Why bother! I’d rather sit here and watch random ass circles appear around a cube instead!
– On the bright side, I get to fast-forward through these dry-ass sequences, so my Mahouka viewing experience has been cut considerably shorter. Thank goodness for that.
– The best part is, even though this is an event to glorify these athletes, the girls are just sitting there droning on and on about what a genius Tatsuya is: “In effect, the player only needs to pull the trigger to destroy her targets… The proper name of this magic spell is Active Air Mine. I hear it’s a Shiba original.” Hear that, guys? A Shiba original! Mayumi then says, “I can’t believe that he came up with a sequence like this.” Did Shizuku get a perfect score? Or did Tatsuya get the perfect score? Think about it. Is First High going to win the whole thing? Or is Tatsu–… okay, you guys get the picture. Eveeeeerything is about Tatsuya. Everything. Having him on the engineering team is just another golden opportunity to praise him even more.
– Tatsuya is now running around like a headless chicken to make sure everyone’s comfortable with their CADs. Shizuku weighs in with her opinion:
Oh, if she only knew how right she was.
– She also adds, “Since you’ve done everything to pave the way to victory for me…” Classic stuff. And that’s how the episode ends. Not on a high point. Not on a cliffhanger. We simply end on the statement that Tatsuya is doing everything, and all these girls have to do is be a warm body.
Well, my bad. Since Setsuna had failed to awaken and join the bad guys in last week’s episode, I totally thought we’d dispense with the whole “designer child of the week” narrative structure. I should’ve known Bones wouldn’t let me down, though! After all, this week’s episode is all about Baku! For now, I guess both sides have just given up on looking for Setsuna…
Speaking of Baku, the episode begins with a very brief look at human trafficking. Later in the episode, we see that Baku will become an underground arena fighter that people can bet upon, thus helping to make buckets of money for the family he was sold to. What happens to the rest of the children in those jail cells, though? I doubt they were all raised to be fighters. After all, this episode is titled “Boys’ Battlefield,” which tells me that the anime doesn’t think girls are likely to become underground arena fighters themselves. Nevertheless, the creepy lady initially asks the man if his daughter is for sale at the start of the scene. If girls aren’t meant to be underground arena fighters, what do you suppose they end up becoming? Oh, of course, I have my suspicions. At the same time, however, I feel like this direction of inquiry is ultimately pointless because I doubt Captain Earth will actually continue to explore this seedy underbelly of Japan’s society. The story has used it to introduce Baku, so I’d be surprised if we ever see the creepy lady again.
When we see Baku again, he is all grown up. Not only that, he has become the undisputed champion of the underground arena. This is a hard pill to swallow, though. Once again, we have an issue where anime’s obsession with being clean and beautiful all the time can take the audience out of the moment. As previously stated, Baku is the undisputed champion of an illegal fighting ring, right? Then why does he look like any other smooth-faced bishounen that you might find above ground as an idol? Why doesn’t he have any scratches or scars on either his face or his body? Sure, he’s can’t be defeated, but are you trying to tell me that he’s never suffered a hit in all these years? Plus, if he’s so goddamn good at fighting, why would people even bother to watch his matches? Why would anyone even bother to make any bets? Why do people even want to watch matches that last literally less than ten seconds? Yes, Baku is so good, his opponents go down in a single punch. Illegal or not, nobody would actually cheer for that. That sounds boring as hell.
In any case, Baku’s story is what you have probably expected it to be. Sold into a yakuza family with a young, kind-hearted daughter, Baku naturally ends up becoming close to her. Even though he’s the undisputed champion, the young lady nevertheless wishes that he could stop fighting. He won’t stop, though. ‘Cause he can handle it. ‘Cause he’s a tough guy. By fighting, he makes her family richer, and this is thus his way of protecting her. Plus, she’s got a fiance anyway, and he’s honorable enough to respect that boundary. Baku will express his love to the young lady the only way he knows how: fighting! It’s a forbidden love all around! The young lady realizes she can’t stop him. She’s been having nightmares too. She then gives him cute, little keepsake that he’ll treasure with his life. Hopefully, the keepsake will also ward off those nightmares, uguu. Good lord, Bones, give it a rest with the tropes, will ya?
Eventually, the Midsummer’s Knights receive some information that suggests they might want to investigate the underground arena. Yes, a bunch of kids will investigate an illegal fighting ring organized by the yakuza… Y’know, it needs not be said that the yakuza are dangerous, and not only that, they will protect their interests at all costs. As a result, you probably can’t stick your nose in places where it doesn’t belong, especially an underground fighting ring that brings the yakuza tons of money. So even though our heroes have Livlasters, they’re still kids. Their bodies are still physically underdeveloped. If grown men could ever get within melee distance of any of them, our heroes would be overpowered easily. Nevertheless, the Midsummer’s Knights, especially Akari, insists that they take on this assignment.
Akari argues, “We should handle our responsibilities ourselves?” This is stupid on especially two levels. First, isn’t this everyone’s responsibilities? Doesn’t every single Globe team out there have a vested interest in protecting the planet? C’mon… Second, why does it matter if someone else does the job? Likewise, why does it matter if someone else helps them? Is she too proud to have the job done by anyone by her own team? And by that, you know it’s really just Daichi and Teppei getting the job done while the girls lounge around and eat ice cream. This is just stupid. When the fate of the human race is at stake, it seems silly to get so territorial about an assignment. It is even sillier when the person getting up in arms about it is a girl who barely does anything aside from providing ground support. To top it all off, we don’t even see if Rita tries to convince the kids otherwise. I guess it’s just presumed that a bunch of kids can handle dangerous, armed yakuza gang members.
We then see the kids dress up in the same fancy outfits they had used for the time they had investigated the casino. Yes, they intend to just waltz themselves into the underground arena… The best part is when Daichi hands the bouncer a flyer — yes, the invitation to an underground arena organized by the yakuza looks like a flyer for a fucking dance club — and expects that the guy will let them in, no questions asked! Luckily for our Midsummer’s Knights, Akari comes prepared with a wad of cash. I’m going to assume Globe provided her with all that money… Giant wads of cash or not, however, I still can’t imagine the yakuza would ever allow four kids to enter the underground arena. But whatever, this is anime, and Captain Earth is more interested in a callback to a previous episode where the kids had been harangued for their young age than maintaining any semblance of believability.
Deep underground, our heroes finally get to see Baku in action, but they don’t suspect that he’s the designer child they’ve been looking for just yet. Hell, Akari’s too busy making a bet to actually do her job. I’m surprised the yakuza can even make money with Baku when none of the matches seem fixed. After all, who wants to bet against a guy who never loses? But I digress…. On the other hand, the bad guys have no trouble recognizing an old ally. All of a sudden, Amara jumps into the ring, and I guess no one seems to mind that some stranger has decided to crash the party. As a result, the two designer children get to brawl like they used to in their younger days, but Baku understandably hasn’t quite realized this. Having said that, the fight alone seems to be enough to stir up some of Baku’s lost memories, but only some. Baku sees enough to know he doesn’t like what he sees. Somehow, his confusion is enough to cut the power to the entire arena. When the lights come back on, Amara has disappeared. Since Baku is a guy, you just know Amara won’t be the one to awaken him.
Instead, we see Moco standing on a bridge as she awaits Baku’s arrival. The difference with Baku, however, is that he isn’t entirely dissatisfied with his life. Hell, the same can be said for Setsuna as well. More so, in fact. After all, until Mao had tried to steal her body, Setsuna was living a rather carefree and happy life. Baku isn’t quite as lucky. I’m sure no one’s happy to be used by the yakuza, especially when the gangsters are forcing you to endanger your own life in an illegal fighting ring. Even so, he nevertheless has an attachment to his human life thanks to the young lady. With the other designer children, they were ready to give up on their human lives. This allowed them to buy wholesale into the idea that the Kiltgang are the true humans, and the rest of us are nothing but flesh containers full of orgone energy waiting to be consumed. Baku, however, resists Moco’s temptation: “Get lost. Don’t destroy who I am now.” He likely feels the need to stay as close as he can to the young lady and protect her. He thus escapes from Moco and avoids being awakened.
For now, Setsuna’s story comes to a close. As a result, the anime looks elsewhere before wrapping the episode up. For once, we actually see someone spill blood when Zin stabs Kariya Haruhiko, his old boss at the casino, through the shoulder with a large pipe. Afterwards, paramedics tell us that Haruhiko’s heart has stopped, but the man suddenly bolts upright and proclaims that he is immortal. Okay then… But of course, the first time a designer child might actually take a life onscreen, it turns out the guy cannot die. So far, the only casualties you can directly pin onto the Kiltgang are the lives taken from the moon base incident. Elsewhere, Akari suddenly discovers that the Asanoda Yakuza is tied to the sinking of some ship. We then see that the young lady’s nightmares are about the sinking of said ship. The episode thus ends on that mysterious note. In any case, we’ve introduced all of the remaining designer children, so I hope we can finally put that stupid “designer child of the week” narrative structure to rest. I really hope Bones has something big planned for the second half of Captain Earth, but judging by their recent works as of late, I just know I’m due for a disappointment.
Stray observations:
– Early in the episode, Daichi’s asleep while everyone else stays up to talk about the current situation. Realizing that Daichi isn’t awake, Hana goes to give him a kiss. Sure enough, if our hero had been awake, that kiss probably wouldn’t have happened. Of course, it’s just a kiss, so I can’t help but think, “So what?” Hana then goes to sleep even though the rest of them had been talking just earlier. It’s like, “I got my kiss, so screw you guys.” The scene just doesn’t make any sense. I’m sure fans of the show are, however, too busy squeeing over the actual kiss to notice otherwise. Watching this unfold, Rita thinks, “Do we really have to make these kids fight for us?” Then don’t. Other than having Livlasters, these kids aren’t doing anything special. Nevertheless, it doesn’t look as though Globe is even interested in training anyone else — anyone older and less innocent — to do the job. As someone who has watched anime, however, I’ve come to just accept the fact that kids will always save the day in these mecha anime.
– Even though Baku is covered with sweat shortly after a match, the daughter, who is now a young lady, remarks that he smells like the sun. I only wish I knew what the sun smelled like. What do you suppose plasma smells like? Death. It probably smells like death.
– At one point, Teppei remarks that the girls are always eating something. Yeah, do something, girls. Can you girls actually be heroines for once? But even though they’re racing against the bad guys to find the last two designer children (don’t forget that Setsuna’s whereabouts are still at large), Akari suggests that she and Hana hit up the pool again. You know you’ve jumped the shark when Daichi has to remind you to stop goofing around. Daichi isn’t one to talk, however, as a nearby wedding ceremony distracts and enthralls him. As a result, he swears that the Kiltgang will never be allowed to destroy the planet. Never! We have to protect these happy people and their weddings! I mean, there’s nothing wrong with weddings nor is there anything wrong with married couples. I just find it silly that this scene is being used to steel the kids’ resolve. It’s like, “Oh man, I wanted to goof around a bit, but married couples could die, guys! We gotta protect them!”
– Near the end of the episode, our heroes go, “If Amarok was there, then there must’ve been a designer child there too. Let’s go back tomorrow.” Um, did they not see Amara and Baku exchange words? Did they not see Baku react bizarrely to his new opponent? Did they not perhaps think that the undisputed champion who can seemingly never lose might be that very same designer child that they’ve been looking for? Oy…
Oh my word, this isn’t even the last episode. Alright, let’s get this over with.Let’s just see how dumb this show can get.
– Alright, when we last left off, Ryota finally learned that Neko was his Kuroneko. Aw, how very sweet. Too bad Valkyria is here. Too bad Chisato is here too! Alright, the jig is up! Time to hand over the haremettes! Well, actually, Kotori’s the only one he wants. The others can die for all he cares.
– Ryota tries to distract Valkyria so that Hatsuna could disable the evil Neko-lookalike. There’s just one small problem…
Hmm… Oh well, you’ve gone and made Valkyria mad.
Oh come on, there’s not even anything to censor.
– It’s good to see, however, that Arms is sparing no expense for this adaptation. Here, you can see Chisato looking cool as he takes in the scenery.
– Seeing as how his plan has failed, Ryota thus tries to reason with the bad guy, i.e. the same guy who has killed a countless number of witches without remorse: “Have you ever thought about the feelings of the witches who get killed?” Y’know, I think we can safely assume that Chisato doesn’t really give a shit about the witches at this stage in the game. In fact, Chisato replies, “Do you think about the feelings of each bug you kill?” Oh boy! That’s the psychotic answer I want to hear! Anyway, there’s no point in analyzing Chisato’s words. He has nothing profound to say. It’s just your typical madman narcissism.
– For whatever reason, Valkyria is really attached to Neko. Twinsies?!
– This super-mega-powerful S-rank witch with eight different abilities at her disposal has already been knocked down to the ground twice by a bunch of chumps because she apparently lacks any awareness. Alright, alright, I’ll concede that Hatsuna ambushed her from behind. Kotori, however, literally walks out of vision from right in front of these two idiot baddies, then tackled Valkyria from the side. C’mon, Mewtwo, step your game up.
– Even the most heroic moments in this anime end up looking goofy as hell:
– Why does Valkyria stop, though? Alright, Ryota saved Neko for a brief second. That doesn’t mean Valkyria is out of commission. Blow the rest of them up! Uh, are you going to blow them up or not? Nope. The bad guys take a breather to allow the rest of the witches to run to Ryota’s side. Good job. It doesn’t matter anyway. We all know no one’s going to die here. After all, wouldn’t Kana have seen their deaths coming?
– The best part here, however, is that Kana actually typed out Ryota’s name! C’mon, man, the harem lead just got seriously injured! I don’t care if you’re fucking paralyzed. You’re going to call out his name whether you like it or not!
– As if this bullshit couldn’t get any better, Nanami somehow appears before him. Yes, she edited herself into his memories. She has also created a vision of herself that would only trigger if Ryota had somehow lost all hope. No, wait, wait, it’s even crazier than that: “Don’t speak. You can talk to me just by thinking.” She has somehow edited her consciousness into his brain. How magical is that! Maybe the truth is even more fantastic than I had previously thought! Is that the yung Obi-Wan Nanami?
– And yes, if you’re keeping track, the bad guys are still just standing there and watching some poor sap in his death throes. You gotta wonder why they were so hellbent on killing the witches to begin with if they’re just going to sit back and chill for the next few minutes.
– Nanami decides to reveal now — yes, only now — that Neko is actually stronger than Valkyria! She’s so powerful, they couldn’t control her power, so they sealed it up! Alright, I get it. There’s a 99.9% chance that Neko would die if you unlock her true potential, so Nanami didn’t want them to use this strategy unless it is absolutely necessary. Even so, I’m sure she could’ve trusted Ryota with this bit of information long before he got a huge chunk of his abdomen blown away. Oh look, he’s passing out.
– Ugh, the witches mourn Ryota’s fate some more.
– Ryota then awakens somehow to tell Neko exactly what she needs to know. Jesus Christ, is he dead or not? Is this scene going to last forever or what? Well, duh, this is not an asspull in any way, shape, or form. It’s magic! This is a show about witches, after all!
– The best part is when all you have to do to unlock Neko’s true potential is by pushing the top button on her harnest! That’s it! It’s just a button! Boop! Wow, now you’re even stronger than an S-rank witch! SS-rank?!
But seriously, you literally could hit that button in a multitude of ways. Friend walks up to put an arm around your shoulders–… oopsie, you’re now stronger than Mewtwo! You lie down to have a quick nap–… oopsie, you’re now stronger than Mewtwo! You’re not minding your surroundings, and you lean back against the edge of a table–… oopsie, you’re now stronger than Mewtwo! These assholes are investigating alien technology, and this is the best countermeasure they could come up with for Neko’s apparently uncontrollable destructive powers.
– Nevertheless, Ryota uses every last ounce of his energy to say this incredibly long-winded and and needlessly-detailed sentence: “I can’t push the button that has a 99.9% chance of killing you.”
– Alright then! Four whole minutes after Valkyria’s last attack, Chisato finally gives her the kill order once again. Good lord.
– Oops, it seems as though the bad guys have wasted too much time, allowing for Ryota’s back-up plan to show up just in time to disable Valkyria’s magic:
And yes, that is what they look like. Thankfully, this is the second to the last episode, ’cause I have a feeling things will just get dumber and dumber from here on out. Let’s just hope, however, that the rest of that shit stays confined to the manga. I know you guys enjoy watching just how bad this show can get, but I think a season is more than enough for me. If we’re going to subject ourselves to bad anime, let’s at least adapt new stuff every season instead of rehashing the same, tired bullshit year after year.
– Alright… so how are these guys managing to disable Valkyria’s powers? You can thank this guy:
Yeah, it’s a guy. Fittingly enough, he neutralizes all women in his presence.
– Then just as quickly as the “Initializer” is introduced, Chisato pulls out another gun and shoots the kid. This then allows him and Valkyria to just disappear into thin air. Oh yeah, he took Kotori with him too. Well, so much for that…
– Still, there’s just a small matter of Ryota bleeding himself out on the floor. Kazumi says, “What the heck? Now everything’s meaningless. What’s the point of me living if Murakami is gone?” Really? The bland harem lead means that much to you?
– But hey, we’re all about asspulls, so apparently, Hatsuna can save the guy by using her powers! Just look at those wiggly things coming out of his wound:
That just tells you the magic is working!
– Hatsuna then melts in the process. Kazumi then goes, “Not only was Murakami not revived… Hatsuna melted…” No one thought to tell the girl to stop before she died, huh? But it’s okay! Here comes the power of CPR!
– Thanks to the power of teamwork and his haremettes, our harem lead is back in action! Alright then! Ew, what about this pool of dead witch over here, though…
Yeah, we might want to get that cleaned up.
– Anyways, according to these new guys, the slimy shit inside the witches’ harnests will eventually grow to devour the witches’ bodies. They will then threaten humanity or some shit. This just keeps getting better and better.
– Back in the bad guys’ headquarters, Chisato refers to Kotori as Rena. W-who’s Rena? It’s none other than his sister! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
– One of the shadowy figures in Chisato’s flashback goes, “Our objective is to create the race of humans who are the true rulers of this planet.” Really? We aren’t already the rulers of this god forsaken hellhole?
– M-m-more exposition! At the 11th hour! Aliens created humans! The ability to reset Earth can be found in our genes! The “Grane” inside Kotori’s harnest will melt the cells of all living things on this planet if it awakens!
C’mon, buddy, that’s not the right attitude to have. In fact, our harem lead is not happy: “Screw your resistance! You’re not doing anything different from Ichijiku!” Yeah, man, there’s a chance the alien shit will awaken and wipe out humanity, but c’mon… these are my haremettes.
– In any case, both sides will still want to locate Chisato’s secret hideout and thus either retrieve or kill Kotori. We are then treated to a scene in which Kazumi tries to use her hacking powers to discern the bad guy’s location. But wait, there’s another witch on the other end counterhacking Kazumi! Truly, this is a battle of the wits. Too bad she gets to look cross-eyed in the process:
– Aaaaand it seems that Hatsuna still can’t die:
Uh, are we sure she’s not actually the most powerful witch here?
– More exposition time with Chisato, our favorite crazed scientist. He’ll do anything to revive his imouto. Anything! Imoutos are worth their weight in gold, apparently. But why is he bothering to tell Kotori all of this? Why is he bother to tell her anything? After all, she’s not his Rena. Even if she was his Rena, I really doubt she would approve of his actions. In engaging Kotori in a pointless conversation, all Chisato ends up doing is accidentally reveal that he cares nothing for Valkyria. Man, when will villains ever learn that it’s foolish to open your mouth?
Good stuff.
Even better!
– Whoops, it looks as though Kotori’s Grane is going to hatch.
Rest in pieces, humanity. Do you really need a stupid name for everything, though? Even better, the anime decides to show us what this phenomenon would look like from outer space:
Fantastic. Another quality episode of Brynhildr in the Darkness.
Hey look, it’s the obligatory seasonal preview post. By the way, Nyoron has come out of hiding to give us her blunt takes on these shows. Yay, I have some help for once! Oh by the way, her opinions of anime are like mine but on steroids.
The “Stuff That Looks Likes It’s For Kids” Tier
I definitely won’t watch any of these shows.
Minarai Diva PuriPara
The “Shorts” Tier
I might watch one or two of these shorts, but I wouldn’t blog about them. If I can’t write at least 500 words on an anime, it doesn’t deserve a post.
Ai Mai Mi ~Mousou Catastrophe~ Francesca Himegoto Strange+ 2 Yama no Susume Season 2 Yami Shibai Second Season
The “Sequels to Stuff I Have Never Watched” Tier
I generally do not like to jump into the middle of a story no matter how good it might be. I guess Free! technically belongs in this category, but if it wins the poll, I’ll make an exception for the anime.
Kuroshitsuji: Book of Circus Studio: A-1 Pictures PV:Here
Synopsis: A boy has enlisted the help of a demon butler to enact revenge on the people who had captured and tortured him.
My take: Apparently, previous anime adaptations had diverged from the original manga storyline. What a terrible thing to do, I know. In any case, this series will aim to remedy that little problem. Too bad I haven’t watched a second of Kuroshitsuji, and I don’t really see a point in starting now.
Nyoron’s take: Come on, anime. Are you even trying? When the word “shit” is in your title, you’re literally telling me the anime is going to be shit. I imagine this anime appeals to the members of NAMBLA.
Synopsis: A comedy series about a bunch of dimwits and their various adventures across the galaxy.
My take: Wasn’t interested in the first season, not interested now.
Nyoron’s take: So the dude in this picture looks like something is being rammed in his ass, or he’s reached an epiphany. Knowing anime though, it’s probably both. Oh, on an additional note, the anime will probably suck.
The “I Just Won’t Watch It For Some Reason or Other” Tier
This is where you guys get to accuse me of being close-minded. Have at it!
Synopsis: A city guy is forced out of his element, but it’s okay! He’ll soon learn to love this quaint Japanese island he’s been exiled to. Oh yeah, he even befriends a young girl while he’s there!
My take: He befriends a young girl. Boy, can you imagine that? I sure as hell can’t imagine befriending a young boy, but a young girl, though? That’s perfectly A-OK. Hey, wait a minute… Kinema Citrus is producing this anime. It’s the Kinema Citrus, a.k.a. the wonderful folks behind the Black Bullet, spring season’s best anime! So we go from one series about a guy befriending a young girl to another series about a guy befriending a young girl. Man, what a coincidence! In any case, this is slice-of-life, so I’m sure it’ll be boring as hell.
Synopsis: A classic mahou shoujo anime gets an update.
My take: Probably not my thing, but we’ll see.
Nyoron’s take: Recent anime has been, for a lack of a better word, lackluster. Famed animation studio Toei Animation has decided to pull out a classic and show new anime how it’s done. This will probably be the best anime on this list, a feat that I cannot describe as either funny or sad.
Fate/kaleid liner Prisma☆Illya 2wei! Studio: Silver Link PV:Here
Synopsis: Some crappy Fate/stay night spinoff.
My take: In my experience, most spinoffs are worthless, especially if they feature magical girls. Gosh, I really like this universe and its characters, but if only there was a way to make it all about pubescent-looking girls doing stupid shit!
Nyoron’s take: No.
Futsuu no Joshikousei ga [Locodol] Yatte Mita. Studio: feel. PV:Here
Synopsis: A 4-koma about a pair of girls who become idols because one of their uncles requested it.
My take: Idols. ‘Nuff said.
Nyoron’s take: Probably the sound your pet makes as you fap to yet another slice-of-life anime featuring high school girls. This sound is usually followed up by your pet going for your throat.
Synopsis: Girl meets a fairy, who introduces her to the world of yosakoi dancing.
My take: Cute girls dancing, singing, and playing music. Pass. The animation from the PV looks nice, but seriously, this show couldn’t possibly be any further from my interests.
Nyoron’s take: ORDINARY IN EVERY WAY EXCEPT IN MEETING A FAIRY!
Synopsis: A guy is assigned to the advice column of his school newspaper. He gets to work with three other girls.
My take: The PV makes it look about as interesting as paint drying. I can’t find anything else on the internet to suggest that this show is even remotely worthwhile to watch.
Nyoron’s take: This is the sound your friends make when you show them yet another slice-of-life anime that features yet another bland cast of high school students. For fuck’s sake, man, you are 40 and still watching this shit. High school has been over for decades.
Synopsis: Guy tries to help some loli demon become a witch again, but it’ll come at the cost of his own life.
My take: The heroine looks creepily young like so many heroines this season. I’m sure I wouldn’t find this anime’s comedic hijinks very funny either, so I’m going to have to pass. A pity, I know.
Synopsis: Anime has taken Momotaro and turned him into a girl with a huge rack. Just anime things…
My take: That’s how it is nowadays. You can’t get people interested in folklore anymore unless you’ve got shiny tits flopping every which direction. Yeah, I’m going to pass on this shit.
Nyoron’s take: Of course Japan is obsessed with turning men into women.
Nobunaga Concerto Studio: I have no clue. PV: I didn’t think I’d find a trailer for this show anyway.
Synopsis: Kid time-travels to the past and finds that he must become Nobunaga.
My take: There seems to be a law out there that every season must have at least one anime that is somehow related to Nobunaga’s dessicated corpse, both figuratively and literally. Anyway, I’ll pass. I’m generally not interested in stories that are set in the past. I am especially not interested in Nobunaga anymore. Anime has succeeded in beating this dead horse into the ground.
Nyoron’s take: Japan gets bombed by the USA in WWII. Anything that happens before that is basically history.
Synopsis: The new transfer student is forced to join a wacky club full of wacky activities.
My take: Probably just another brainless comedy. I doubt it has a plot, so I doubt I’ll watch it. Even if I did, I’d have nothing to say about it anyway.
Nyoron’s take: Probably the sound your neighbor makes as he slices your stomach in attempt to get you to stop watching these shitty high school slice-of-life animes. But you probably won’t.
The “Not Enough Information” Tier
I just don’t know anything about these shows to make my usual snap judgments.
Medamayaki no Kimi Itsu Tsubusu? Studio: Fanworks PV: Couldn’t find one.
Synopsis: Guy takes a keen interest in the art of dining.
My take: I think this is only going to be a four-episode OVA. The subject matter is actually something I’m interested in, so I’ll watch it… if anyone will actually bother to sub it. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t blog the show, though. It’s bad enough nobody read the Mushishi posts. I really doubt anyone would read the posts on this thing.
Nyoron’s take: This seems like a great anime for otakus or OCD people to watch. Finally, someone who empathizes with them.
Shirogane no Ishi Argevollen Studio: XEBEC PV:Here
Synopsis: Mecha anime about two warring sides. A guy saves a girl who’s being attacked. So, uh, what’s different about this mecha anime?
My take: The PV does not look very inspired. Those are some rather boring character designs as well. I can’t say much else about the show because there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of information floating around out there. And as you can see, the premise is pretty generic. It’s written by a guy who doesn’t have much of a resume, either. I like Cat Soup, but how much of it can you attribute to him? Oh well… it’s a mecha anime, so I’ll check it out anyway.
Nyoron’s take: Probably about a love triangle, a floating girl, and some ugly mecha. The dude looks like a lady, though.
Synopsis: A girl acquires special powers and decides to use them to fight back against evildoers. They have special powers too!
My take: Like everything else in this tier, I can’t find much information on this show. Even the only PV I could dig up is only 16 seconds long. Basically, the show’s a complete wild card in my mind. Oh, I could check out the manga, but why ruin the fun!
Nyoron’s take: What is this girl on? She sees a flying penguin, then a fish goes through her and gives her magical powers. Sounds like LSD.
The “Bishies” Tier
I’ll watch one of these shows. One. See the poll below. Having said that, we all know which of these shows is going to win anyway.
Synopsis: Pretty boys from the Bakumatsu era try to rebel against a restrictive government by forming a rock band.
My take: As I watch the PV, I have to admit that these bishounens have very impressive hairdos. But c’mon, nobody needs me to cover this show. I just wouldn’t have anything to say about it. I won’t care for the setting, I won’t care for the characters, and I definitely wouldn’t like the music. So y’know, why bother?
Nyoron’s take: If Japan has to be saved by a group of these chucklefucks, it’s done for. Thank god for Admiral Yi and turtle boats.
Synopsis: A bunch of pretty boys take a dip in the pool again.
My take: I’ve only watched a single episode of the first season, and I don’t even remember what I originally thought of the show back then. I actually know nothing about Free! Absolutely nothing. On the bright side, it doesn’t look rapey nor does it feature boring ass idols. Swimming could also be a potentially interesting topic. There’s just one problem: fuck KyoAni.
Nyoron’s take: No offense, but the way that one guy is holding his butt out, this looks like a sausage fest if you get what I mean. And I think you do know what I mean.
Synopsis: An actor fell in love with the main character when they were kids. Here comes the plot twist, though: he thought the main character was a girl. Now that he realizes that the main character is actually a boy, however, the actor is still undeterred! Well, that’s nice but…
My take: …the character designs look nasty as fuck. Not only that, the love interest looks like a rapist. Sure enough, the promo material looks rapey as fuck too. Why is it always one bigger, manlier-looking guy manhandling his lover? Cheap titillation, that’s what.
Nyoron’s take: See Free!
Shounen Hollywood -Holly Stage for 49- Studio: ZEXCS PV:Here
Synopsis: Something about male idols honing their talents. Yawn.
My take: I don’t care about idols. It doesn’t matter if they’re cute or handsome, I just do not care.
Synopsis: A guy who runs a junk shop gets pulled into the mysterious events on his home island. Well, murder is in the title, so it’s probably not hard to guess where this is going.
My take: As I watch the PV, I can’t help but notice that 99% of the characters are male. Well duh, it’s a BL series! But seriously, does that actually make a difference? Do you think I care that a show features homosexual romance? Of course not. Hell, it certainly doesn’t hurt to see romance from a different perspective. Nevertheless, why do these stories feel the need to remove the other gender completely? Do gay guys not have female friends? Likewise, can lesbians not have male friends? It just seems silly to me to create a world that is uniformly monogender. Having the opposite sex in the universe won’t “straight” it up. What’s the problem, then? I thus can’t help but think that these stories are good for nothing but cheap titillation.
Nyoron’s take: See Shounen Hollywood.
So anyway, here’s the poll. Vote away. I’ll only watch the winning show.
The “Harem Hill Fodder” Tier
I kind of played myself into a corner here. People will expect me to do Harem Hill every season, and sadly, I think I’ll have to oblige my readership of five dedicated souls.
Rokujouma no Shinryakusha!? Studio: Silver Link PV:Here
Synopsis: Some kid gets to live alone in his incredibly cheap apartment. Big surprise there. Unfortunately, the apartment is haunted by a ghost who wants him to get out of her home. Before he knows it, mahou shoujos begin to show up and use his place as their battleground. Oh man, I sure do pity him!
My take: Just another generic harem anime that I’ll have to cover. Other than the designated big-boobed girl, the rest of them look creepily young, but that’s how it has always been lately. I don’t really know what else one can really expect from harem anime anymore.
Nyoron’s take: An original high school harem anime. Not like all those other high school harem animes.
Synopsis: Something about elementalists and forming contracts with spirits. It’s a harem anime, so who really cares what it’s about?
My take: Ugh, just look at the artwork for the light novels. Also, if you take a peek at the show’s Wikipedia page, someone has spent a lot of time on it. Holy shit, the main character himself gets a mini-essay devoted to him. Hell, why even read Harem Hill? You guys can just read the Wikipedia page instead!
Nyoron’s take: If you read the synopsis, you see that a guy becomes the only male spirit elementalist. Spoilers: it is known that harem leads are actually girls.
The “Eh, It Looks Bad to Iffy” Tier
Basically, this is just me being a pessimistic bastard. But seriously, these shows will probably suck.
Synopsis: A young, hapless villager is recruited into a group of assassins. They begin to form a resistance against the corrupt empire. How exciting.
My take: I can’t find a PV that shows me any plot. I guess I could spoil the story for myself by reading the character bios on the show’s Wikipedia page, but meh… Anyway, from the looks of it, Akame ga Kill! seems to have a pretty whatever premise. Not only that, the two leads do not appear to have any unique personality whatsoever. Seeing as how the female lead is an assassin, I bet the girl is cold, no-nonsense, and hard to talk to! But worry not! We’ll soon see her softer side, uguu.
Nyoron’s take: The lead girl looks like Akali and will probably die like a lil’ bitch like Akali. She will then whine that you stole her kill when she’s dead. She will not rush gunblade, and she will feed all game.
Synopsis: A bunch of high school students learn to blow glass.
My take: The song in the PV sounds annoying as hell, and the characters look like everything else P.A. Works has ever done. The story sounds dull as fuck as well. To top it all off, the anime looks melodramatic as all hell. But really? Glass-blowing? What is this hipster shit? This just looks like yet another contemporary slice-of-life anime where high school kids take an interest in something quaint and steeped in tradition, and this totally makes them oh-so-different from their peers. Heh, I bet their classmates only care about grades or hanging out at some trendy hangout too! Ugh!
Nyoron’s take: Another shitty high school anime. She wants to blow glass, but by the end of this anime, she’ll probably be blowing dongs.
My take: The PV makes the anime look like edutainment. I’m already yawning… I’ve personally never been interested in trains or anything with an engine. Sure, I drive a car. But I don’t really give it a second thought. Anyway, I can’t imagine finding myself too enthralled by this anime.
Nyoron’s take: Where’s a rail gun when you need one? Of course, this is full of high school kids. DO YOU TRUST A HIGH SCHOOL KID WITH DRIVING YOUR TRAIN?
Synopsis: Ordinary people dislike how mutants Minimum Holders, people with special powers, get all the perks in life. Some crazed maniac tries to turn everyone into a Minimum Holder in order to create his ideal world. It’s kind of like the X-Men but lamer.
My take: I tried to watch the first season, but I just couldn’t get into it. There was one overarching plot that the series stretched out over the entire season. As a result, I got to watch the main character solve a bunch of lame cases before important shit actually went down. Needless to say, the show failed to keep my interest. Honestly, the anime might be watchable if the narrative was just a touch more focused. I’ll take a look to see if anything’s changed in the second season, but I’m not holding out any hope for it.
Nyoron’s take: A special group of people with minor miracle powers or whatever. I’m gonna need a miracle if I’m gonna watch this anime.
Synopsis: Our shounen protagonist becomes a half-ghoul. He then probably fights full-ghouls. He’ll probably also fight the good guys as well because they think he’s a full-ghoul.
My take: I’ll check it out, but the PV gives me a a cheap, pulpy action vibe. That doesn’t mean the anime can’t be entertaining, but I doubt it will be memorable or interesting to talk about.
Nyoron’s take: No doubt the creator of this manga thought he was being deep and edgy when he wrote this.
The “Sappy Romance That I Will Give Up On At The Last Minute” Tier
I just can’t help it, man. If romance protagonists weren’t all idiots, I’d actually finish one of these shows for once.
Synopsis: A guy and a girl used to be friends. Guy went away. Guy comes back. He now has a different name. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?!
My take: I take a look at the guy’s description on the show’s Wikipedia page, and sure enough, he’s an asshole: “His personality has also taken a turn, for he is now more masculine, sarcastic, and crude. In addition, he has extremely pessimistic views about himself and about his brother.” But here’s the best part: “…it is evident that Kou is still an overall kind person.” Uh-huh. New season, same old story. Girl will redeem a bad boy, but tears will be shed.
Nyoron’s take: This one will be an emotional rollercoaster as some guy attempts to switch his name in order to avoid his middle school stalker. But for some reason, he goes back to the same high school as his stalker. Perhaps he likes being chased.
Synopsis: A girl is in love with a mangaka, but she botched her confession so he thinks she’s just a fan. Eventually, she becomes his assistant in order to get closer to him.
My take: C’mon, does the guy in the image above look like a high schooler to you? And c’mon, why not just make them college-aged students at the very least? Are you seriously trying to tell me that the guy goes to school and pens a shoujo manga all at the same time? Not only that, a magazine even publishes it? Not everything has to be about high schoolers, goddamn.
Nyoron’s take: JUST CONFESS TO THE GUY YOU LIKE GOD DAMN IT AND STOP WATCHING SHITTY HIGH SCHOOL ANIME IF YOU ARE PAST HIGH SCHOOL AND IF YOU AREN’T SHOULDN’T YOU BE GOING INTO EXTRACIRRICULARS ANYWAYS HOLY SHIT.
The “Haven’t I Already Watched This?” Tier
I’ll probably still watch them, though. But does anyone actually want me to blog about either of these retreads?
Persona 4 The Golden Animation Studio: A-1 Pictures PV:Here
Synopsis: Uh, it’s Persona 4. Okay, okay, I’ll give a better synopsis. A guy and his friends discover that they can summon mythical beings known as Personas to aid them in battle. They will then use said power to aid them in solving the string of unsolved murders plaguing the small town of Inaba.
My take: Y’know, I didn’t even think the first Persona 4 adaptation was all that bad. It was amusing enough until the incredibly drawn-out ending. I don’t really see the point in remaking the series just to include a few extra characters, but what do I know? Will this new series even promote significant sales for the game anymore, though? After all, I thought the point of the original adaptation was to promote Persona 4 The Golden to begin with. So what is this one for? Yeah, there’s Persona 4 Arena Ultimax coming out soon, but I sure as hell wouldn’t buy it just because I watched this latest adaptation. Plus, it annoyed me that the previous anime adaptation had failed to pick one of the girls to be the main character’s love interest. I don’t care who they pick, but it’s just lame to adapt a game with love sim elements just to, well, ignore all of the potential romantic options in the story. In any case, I doubt the remake will change anything on that front.
Nyoron’s take: Are you for real? I liked the game and the previous adaptation, but god dammit Atlus, I fucking hate you.
Psycho-Pass New Edit Version Studio: Production I.G PV: It doesn’t really need one.
Synopsis: It’s a futuristic crime-thriller that is mainly about a criminal mastermind trying to bring down Japan’s society. I’d say more, but you’ve probably already seen the first season of the show.
My take: Those edits had better be extensive to make this re-airing remotely necessary. I’ll probably still watch it, though.
Nyoron’s take: An “edited version” probably means that it’s the exact same anime, but that hasn’t stopped otakus from buying the same exact thing before. I recommend this anim-… PSYCH. You should pass on it.
The “Looks Like It Might Be Okay” Tier
Might. Might. Last season, I stuck Gokukoku no Brynhildr, Hitsugi no Chaika, One Week Friends, and Black Bullet into this category. Boy, was I wrong or what! So yeah, watch me be dead wrong about the shows below as well.
Synopsis: Something about a hypergate to moon leading to the colonization of Mars, but eventually, war breaks out. Oh yeah, it’ll have mechas.
My take: For me, Urobochi is hit-or-miss. I liked Psycho-Pass… and… uh, I liked Psycho-Pass. Well then, I guess he’s been way more miss than hit for me. For what it’s worth, Urobochi works are generally interesting to talk about, even if I don’t always like them. The only exception is Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet. That was a total snoozejob. Anyway, I can’t find too much information out there on this show. I suspect they can remain this tight-lipped on the plot since Urobochi’s name is attached to it.
Nyoron’s take: I can’t imagine this anime being good. Its tagline is trying to be all pretentious, but instead, it just doesn’t make any sense.
Synopsis: A terrorist attack strikes Japan. Who are the people behind it? Two kids, apparently.
My take: Oh boy, look at the big names leading this anime! Shinichiro Watanabe as the director! Yoko Kanno as the composer! This means the show will be good, right? Shrug… I’ll level with you guys. Out of this entire list, Zankyou no Terror probably has the highest chance of being watchable. Having said that, I just can’t get excited for yet another story about a bunch of kids. I’ll watch it, I’ll analyze it, I’ll probably even enjoy it, but then I’ll wonder what it could’ve been. For what it’s worth, the animation in the PV looks alright.
Nyoron’s take: I found that if an anime has a tagline, it’s probably shitty. No Zankyou!
The “This Gary Stu Anime Deserves a Tier of Its Own” Tier
Synopsis: Our Gary Stu farts around in yet another MMO, but this time, he’s playing as a girl character. What? Do you have a problem with that, you transphobic shitlord? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
My take: I’ve already written my love letter to SAO. I’ll thus save my energy for when the sequel finally graces us with its splendor. But please, Kirito-chan, don’t put your handgun next to one of your ears!
Nyoron’s take: Something that a MMO-addict would no doubt appreciate as they proudly show their friends that playing a female character is okay. I hope the MMO is Harry Potter Online Adventures since the main character seems to be dressed in a school girl outfit.
Wow, the dragon loli anime is at least kind enough to wrap its story up in twelve weeks. Unfortunately, the flag anime insists on surviving to see another day. After all, its Matrix-esque plot is just so good.
Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara Ep. 12
– The Angelus Gemini thingamajig is trying to take control of the world, I guess. But don’t you worry, ’cause our hero’s here to save us:
Hey, why are you laughing? That’s our hero, man! And here’s the physical manifestation of the rogue network control system:
See, this has quickly become the best harem anime ever! We go from the bland harem lead trying to cope with at least ten stupid haremettes all at the same time to the bland harem lead becoming Neo and protecting us from one-eyed angel, muscle-bound angels.
– Sadly, Souta is not quite Neo. Instead of kung fu, he instead opts to plant death flags on his opponents, thereby causing them to explode after a short period of time. So, uh, I guess he’s Zilean.
– Back in the “real” world, Nanami is going nuts trying to convince the rest of Souta’s haremettes that he once existed. There’s nothing too interesting or wild here. Eventually, she gets mad enough to break into Souta’s old room even though it is now currently off-limits. Somehow, this is the same as breaking his “encryption,” uh-huh. Ruri thus shows up and plants a kiss on Nanami. Yeah, yuri-isms are how you recover your memories. If you’re a guy, I guess you’re just shit out of luck.
Nanami then finds herself talking to… herself. Here, she realizes that she was really Souta’s sister all along. Yes, it turns out Souta is the prince of Bladefield all along as well. This anime jumped the shark a long time ago, but it has somehow managed to do it again.
– So the reality of the situation is that Nanami had dove into the virtual world in order to save her otouto, but Number Zero interfered and the-… ah, who cares. If you watch the episode, it is literally minutes after minutes of two characters talking in front of a boring backdrop. The only thing is missing is them walking around each other in a circle. Still, I love how these shows will fap around all season long, then try to squeeze everything into the last few episodes to make up for it. Preserving all the generic harem hijinks is much more important than the integrity of your story, apparently.
– When the anime cuts back to Souta, we see that our Neo is at the end of his ropes, but it’s okay! His haremettes have forced themselves back into his world!
Yeah, Baba-sama is there as well. Hell, even his homeroom teacher is now a part of his harem.
– Luckily, that about wraps it up for this week’s episode of Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara. Yeah, my coverage is incredibly short this week, but literally nothing happens. Souta battles some stupid-looking shit, and Nanami talks to herself. That honestly sums up the entire episode. If you don’t believe me, watch the episode for yourself.
– Now, if you really want to kill yourself, listen to the previews for next week’s episode.
Seikoku no Dragonar Ep. 12 (Finale)
– The golden dragon egg thingie finally cracks to reveal…
…pretty much the dumbest-looking dragon yet. C’mon, it’s got pink side bangs for Christ’s sakes.
– As expected from any terrible anime’s finale episode, the bad guy decides to spill his guts now to the good guys. Julius never went mad! He only killed his dragon Mordred because it was really evil all along. Unfortunately, Mordred became a spirit to possess Julius instead and the rest is history. Now, Mordred has awakened Eco’s true power so that he can possess her body and really wreak some havoc.
– Veronica dashes at Mordred’s spirit form in an attempt to stop the evil dragon from possessing Eco, but then we get the most random tentacle rape scene ever. Out of nowhere, she sees herself, well, being raped by tentacles. Eventually, Julius snaps her out of it and she comes to, fully-clothed. It’s like the people behind Dragonar said, “Hm, y’know, we haven’t had a tentacle rape scene in a while!”
– When Mordred takes over Eco’s body, it literally just means she turns black, and her horns grow out. Really. That’s the extent of this anime’s creativity. Well, I guess you can’t expect much from a show that throws random scenes of tentacle rape at you just because the story hasn’t been rapey enough as of late.
– We thus cut to a conversation between Navi and Mordred. Navi refuses to be subordinate to him, so… well, y’know what that means:
“Hey, whatchu working on?”
“Oh, y’know, just drawing some tentacles?”
“Uh, what for?”
“To rape a humanoid version of a Dragweiss.”
“Oh… uh, I’ll probably regret asking this, but what’s a Dragweiss?”
“It’s like a library for dragons. It’s a repository of all their knowledge.”
“So a library has a humanoid form… and you’re drawing the tentacles that will rape it?
“Yeah, pretty much. Look man, I need the money.”
– Back in the real world, Ash Blake intends to solve this predicament the only way he knows how:
Hey, man, don’t judge. It’s a cultural thing, and we totally can’t, like, judge people’s cultures even if parts of them are ass-backwards.
– But y’know, how is Ash Blake going to get to Eco when she’s all the way up there? Obviously, you just commandeer Veronica’s ship. Surely, she’ll agree to it since this will help save her kingdom. Actually, she doesn’t. For some reason, Julius has to hold a gun to her head and threaten her in order to get control of the ship: “Otherwise, I’ll reveal your secret in front of your subordinates who admire you.” I honestly don’t even get this scene. Why wouldn’t she have just handed over the damn ship in the first place?
– Oh, you’re probably wondering what Veronica’s secret is. See, you thought Veronica was just a hardass when it came to her sister, but she actually really enjoyed torturing the girl. Remember when Veronica first showed up in the story, she literally cut Silvia’s clothes off of her? And we all thought it was just standard harem hijinks, huh? But nope, it all makes sense now. Veronica cut the poor girl’s clothes off because she actually wanted to see Silvia buck naked. As a result, Veronica’s shameful secret is actually the fact that her entire room is a shrine to Silvia, her own little sister. No, wait, it gets even better. Veronica has Silvia’s previously worn bikini top and bottoms stored away in a fucking display case. And oh yeah:
To top it all off, she secretly took a picture of Silvia while her imouto was bathing. Yes, if Veronica hands her airship over, Julius totally won’t reveal Veronica’s secret to the world. He somehow knows all of this, but he’ll allow Veronica to keep creeping on their sister if she complies. It’s fine. We just need the ship. Christ.
– In any case, our main man Ash Blake has managed to land himself onto Dragon Eco, and will now attempt to tame her at all costs. Eco even gets first-row seats, and… uguu, the heroic sight brings a tear to her eyes. Oh, if you’re wondering about Navi, she’s here too. Apparently, she survived Mordred’s tentacles, though her clothes haven’t fared all too well. Just tentacle rape things…
– So what’s the plan? With Ash Blake being the man of action, what will Eco do in order to help him? She will do what she does best, I guess; she will fashion him yet another fucking Arch, but this time she’ll use her true feelings or whatever. Therefore, gaze your eyes on this badass:
Hm. Must be chilly there.
– Seriously though, these anime characters don’t even look remotely human anymore. It’s just Barbie and Ken smiling at us creepily with their sterilized bodies.
– But really, the Arch doesn’t even take shape because it isn’t finished yet. Instead, the only thing that materializes is Ash’s mighty sword. What? You didn’t think he’d tame Eco’s dragon form in any other way, did you?
– Mordred warns Ash that destroying this body will hurt Eco as well, but Ash Blake swears he knows her. He proves it too by rattling off everything that’s negative about the girl: “I know her better than anyone. The way she oversleeps, how she pigs out, and where she’s vulnerable!” I should try that next time. I’ll lean in to whisper sweet nothings into my girlfriend’s ears, but it’ll just be one long string of putdowns. “Baby, c’mon, this proves I know you.”
– In reality, all Ash Blake does is chop off one of the dragon’s horns, and that’s, uh, enough to dissolve the evil dragon, thereby revealing the naked dragon loli underneath. The two of them proceed to stand there in midair:
Welp, I don’t know how anyone can actually say that Eco looks cute. Nevertheless, a bunch of grown-ass adults literally put this frame together and thought to themselves, “Yeah, this looks good.”
– Anyway, that’s that for this anime. Dragonar is finished. Sure, there are some extra scenes to wrap up the “story,” but they’re nothing terribly important. We get a scene in which Avdocha finds her long, lost sister. It’s like, “Hey, remember this subplot?!” At the same time, Eco confesses that she wants a different sort of relationship with Ash Blake, so then they kiss. Ugh, I’m going to need a shower. I’d say the plot never really went anywhere, but uh, we weren’t really watching this for the plot, were we?
Just two BFFs running to punch Gastreas together. From wanting to destroy the Tokyo Area to teaming up with Rentaro to save it. That Kagetane is one silly fella.
– Oh good, they both scream out the names of their moves when they go to attack. Kagetane might as well reveal that he’s Kagetane’s dad.
– Apparently, two punches are all it takes to defeat Pleiades. Talk about anti-climactic. The best part, however, is that the two of them simply snuck into a base of dozing Gastreas, then punched the shit out of the big one. I find that pretty hard to believe, but maybe they’re just deep sleepers. After all, I’m no expert on giant bugs.
– The rest of the Gastreas go on a rampage afterwards. Rentaro naturally fears for his friends’ safety, so he calls up… Seitenshi. Uh, why didn’t he think of calling her before? Y’know, when the asshole commander threatened his friends with punishment unless Rentaro accepted what was basically a suicide mission? Sure, he succeeded, but only because Kagetane was there to help him. Otherwise, Rentaro would’ve gone down to the pack of wolves in last week’s episode, nevermind Pleiades.
– At least Gado didn’t lie about the fact that Aldebaran can regenerate itself after incurring a massive injury. The special effects here are really weak, though. The airstrikes manage to blow up the Gastrea’s head, but all we get to see a plastic-looking, hollow tube. Really? You guys couldn’t do better than that?
– Speaking of which, Gado conveniently dies offscreen. Okay, okay, what is going on here? First, Pleiades dies like a chump, then Gado goes down without us even seeing it? I already think Black Bullet sucks, but this is starting to feel like a major rush job.
– Oh yeah, Midori, the cat Pokemon, suffered a mortal injury offscreen too, but who cares about her?
– Kisara thinks Rentaro should become the leader now that Gado is down for the count. I’m not exactly sure how you can go from being the black sheep to assuming complete control just like that, though. Even if Gado’s dead, aren’t there people who still agreed with him? Or will they instantly flip-flop to Rentaro’s side as well? It would be hilarious if Rentaro suddenly went all fascist on everyone and dominated them by force.
– Midori reveals, “Because of my ears, I was never needed by anyone.” Uh, really? Are we really talking about Japan here? But joking aside, this scene with the cat loli is still really dumb as hell, ’cause out of nowhere, she tells the guy that she can smell destruction in Kisara: “She is most likely very easily influenced by the darkness.” Okay, Yoda, I think someone’s a little woozy from all the medicine. It’s just laughable that in her most painful moment, she still serves as a plot device. The show just doesn’t care about these girls. Rentaro will sit there and say shit like, “I hope you get better,” but that’s just shallow lipservice. Black Bullet never really goes beyond the surface of “The Cursed Children are cute and useful!” to actually explore their characters, and this scene is just a reflection of that. Oh look, a cute girl is dying. Let’s say some random platitudes to her, then she’ll reveal something juicy about the plot! Yay! The fact that we really know nothing about her or her personality even in her very last moments is inconsequential! Death only means another cute loli will be no more, uguu.
– Our leader then allows Midori to disappear off into the night unsupervised. He and Shoma then find her dead by a tree with a self-inflicted gunshot wound. We end up learning more about Shoma then we ever did about Midori. He was excommunicated, blah blah blah… On the other hand, all Midori got was generic bullshit: “MAH OWN MOM DIDN’T LIKE MY EARS!”
– The most bizarre part about this scene is when Shoma suddenly wishes he had been there to finish her off… uh, why? If my wife is suffering from terminal brain cancer, should I be the one to put a bullet through her head personally?
– So Rentaro’s first act as commander is to stab some guy in the shoulder just because he encouraged others to desert. I was right! This is funny! Rentaro then goes, “Anyone else have any questions?” Welp, the power has gone to his head. Yo, if you want to disagree with the guy, just fucking kick him out. Hey, Gado was at least nice enough to do that to you! But really? Spilling blood just because someone naturally feels that the situation is hopeless? What a dick. I’m sure if a loli had voiced her dissent, Rentaro wouldn’t have lifted a finger, though.
– Best part is, Rentaro would’ve taken a bullet to the brain thanks to his actions, but Kagetane saves him by putting up a shield. So great! Our leader is so deranged, he would’ve been assassinated right off the bat!
– Rentaro then swears to eliminate anyone who tries to run. Oh, so they’re forced to fight against their will. Hilarious. In one quick swoop, our hero has become the villain. When Kisara tells him that he’s gone too far, Rentaro argues that everyone’s too afraid of the Gastrea to fight, so this is how things should be. Yeah! Be afraid of me instead! That’ll help you guys fight! It’s not like people can fear two different things at once! It’s not like they won’t grow to resent and try to assassinate you later! It’s not like they won’t just desert at the first opportune chance because there’s no reason to stick around and fight for someone who will resort to spilling blood at a drop of the hat! Good thinking, commander!
– What a badass, though: “…I don’t need anyone… At least for now.”
– Of course, Kisara’s first reaction is to cling to the guy’s back. Yo, I know you’ve become a violent psychopath, but uguu, I’ll always be by your side!
– Seriously? Gado’s initiator wants to attack Rentaro for disrespecting the former commander’s death. Shoma thus grabs her, and goes, “Yo, you’re firey! Wanna team up?” You change lolis like underwear, apparently. The more firey, the better. At least Shoma got over Midori pretty quick. No wonder he wanted to kill her himself. He knew he was in line for an upgrade with Gado getting killed and all. As for the new girl’s lack of nekomimi mode, I’m sure you can pick up all sorts of disturbing paraphernalia to fix that problem after saving Tokyo.
– Everyone smiles afterwards as though we’ve just gotten ourselves a happy ending. There’s just the small matter of Rentaro being a violent asshole, but hey, Shoma-nii has found himself a new loli!
– You know the story has no merit when Miori shows up to lend a hand, but Kisara nevertheless has to be a bitter pill about it. Oh man, the Tokyo Area is in grave danger, Aldebaran is apparently immortal, and my commander has gone full Hitler on us! But ugh, my rival is here and I fucking hate my rival! She whines, “But did it have to be Miori and Shiba Heavy Weapons?” Gee, what should I do during a crisis? Call for help from a random person I have no connections with just so that Kisara won’t be offended, or request assistance from a girl who is willing to show up with supplies in an instant? I have no clue what to do! The sad thing is, I’m sure Kisara wouldn’t even be this jealous if she had been a male character. In fact, there wouldn’t have even been a rival character like Miori to contend with if Kisara had been a male character all along! ‘Cause in these cheap stories, only girls are jealous bitches! Other women are just trying to steal her man!
– In any case, Miori has come prepared with a superbomb that can completely annihilate Aldebaran. Our hero will just have to plant the bomb inside the damn Gastrea. Hey, just do what you did to Pleiades! Walk up to Aldebaran while it’s asleep, then punch the bomb into its gut!
– You think I’m joking, but really, that’s the plan, more or less. Rentaro will be the one to plant the bomb because only he can penetrate Aldebaran’s hard shell or something. Just think of it as one of your tsundere lolis. I’m sure you’ll have no problems penetrating that hard shell at that point. As the bomb is about to go off, Aldebaran will go, “Uguu, it’s not like I wanted to blow up for you or anything…”
– The final battle will take place at the Flames of Revolution, the same place Rentaro had taken his now-dead lolis. Cue a bunch of sad memories flooding back into the picture. Enju asks, “Rentaro, I don’t understand… Why does the Stolen Generation do such terrible things to the Cursed Children?” Nobody can give you a good answer, because we haven’t bothered to give any depth to the story! Herp derp, you guys have Gastrea blood inside you, so we hate you, but at the same time, we depend solely upon you to protect us from the enemy. So we’re going to murder you anyway, which will screw us in the end but that’s okay because that’s how discrimination works! Sure, that makes a whole lot of sense.
– What people fail to realize is that discrimination exists in the real world because it is profitable. People don’t just hate because they can. People don’t just hate because we are different. People don’t just randomly decide that one race is superior to another. Rather, they do so because it is ultimately profitable to hate. They hate because it is in their best interests to do so. Hey look, that piece of land looks mighty nice! Boy, it would be a shame if I suddenly thought it was my white man’s burden to liberate you fine folks from your land! Likewise, slavery was profitable, and racism arose as a justification for its practice. It wasn’t the other way around. People didn’t go, “Ugh, they’re black. Let’s enslave them!” ‘Cause hey, there were white slaves too!
In fact, people had been keeping white slaves for the longest time before they finally decided black slaves were even cheaper and easier to control! Racism merely served as a convenient way to argue that, “Hey, you white slaves aren’t like them! Sure, we’ve exploited you, but we’ll exploit them harder! So join us in their exploitation, ’cause if they weren’t around, you’d be next!” In Black Bullet, the discrimination doesn’t make any sense. There’s no short- or long-term benefit to killing the Cursed Children whatsoever, especially when the Cursed Children are humanity’s only hope against the Gastreas. That’s just not how it has ever worked. This discrimination is just an oh-so-sad thing that has been put into the story in order to manipulate our emotions. They hate cute, little lolis! How can they hate cute, little lolis!
– I like how the wannabe mass murderer Kagetane is now a core part of Rentaro’s team. Even better, he’s affectionately referred to as the joker in Rentaro’s deck of cards. Yes, Kagetane had murdered scores of people in the first half of the series, but he’s now my nakama! NAKAMA!
– Remember Seitenshi’s former bodyguard, though? The guy who wanted Seitenshi all to himself? Yeah, he’s back. And yeah, he’s going to sabotage the entire plan to save Tokyo from absolute destruction just to get back at Rentaro. Yep, that’s Black Bullet for you.
A few shows came to an end this week, so let’s take a look at how they wrapped up.
Bokura wa Minna Kawaisou Ep. 12 (Finale)
Yeah, this is pretty much how these crappy romances end. Not with a bang, but with a pathetic whimper. Uguu, will you exchange contact infos with me, senpai? Honto ni, honto?! What would actually happen if two people of the opposite sex actually hooked up? Would the audience undergo spontaneously combustion or something? I don’t get it either, because characters are constantly making out like mad in yuri and yaoi romances. Obviously, those genres are being used to pushed the envelope, but why can’t we do the same in straight romances? It doesn’t even have to be sex. Just go on a date, talk about stuff, give her a kiss at the end of the night, then afterwards, text her asking if she had a good time. Does any of that really sound all that bizarre or alien?
In any case, Kazunari gets exactly what he wanted. After all, he whined last week that Maemura managed to exchange phone numbers with Ritsu after spending only a day with her. Meanwhile, he’s been living in the same dormitory as her for how long now? Well, whose fault is that? But meh, it doesn’t really matter. What does matter, however, is that Ritsu finally stands up for herself, and as a result, she loses Maemura as a friend. Ritsu is naturally sad about this, so good ol’ Kazunari is there to pick up the pieces! Ah, that good ol’ nice guy tactic never fails. You just have to hope her friendship falls apart so she will have more time for you! The best part is at the start of the episode. Our hero actually feared that Ritsu would be a helpless maiden at the mixer, overpowered by some pushy jerk who isn’t a sensitive guy like him!
P.S. The part where Ritsu gets drunk and rants that Kazunari is just too nice? This is basically the anime fellating the main character while at the same time pretending to be critical. My biggest weakness? Oh, I’m just too nice. I care too much. I really don’t know when to give up. I work so hard, I work myself to exhaustion! Haha, man, I should really work on myself, huh, senpai?
Nobunaga the Fool Ep. 24 (Finale)
Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? The only person who gets to survive (well, Monkey is alive too but fuck him) is Mitsuhide? I don’t even mind Nobunaga’s death. I actually think there’s something poetic about it. He’s a warlord, right? As a result, he has no place in a peaceful world. Yadda, yadda, yadda, Nobunaga is the Destroyer-King, but what he destroys is our ability to start wars. Sure. He just has to die for it. Y’know, like Jesus. That’s why we have that crappy rendition of “The Last Supper” in the screencap above. But fucking Mitsuhide, man. Don’t give me that “You know boundless pain, so you are the only one who can create a world without pain” bullshit. It’s one of those sayings that sounds really profound at first, but when you really sit down to think about it, you can’t help but think, “Wait a minute… Did I really just hand over the keys to the entire world on a pithy remark? Holy shit, what is wrong with me?” Way to let the lamest character live on. Ugh, fuck this show. Good riddance, Nobunaga the Fool.
P.S. If you’re curious, this is what Arthur really looks like. I find it funny that King Arthur is being used as an example of people seeing what they want to see, and yet Nobunaga’s numerous incarnations in the medium of anime…
Ryuugajou Nanana no Maizoukin Ep. 10 & 11 (Finale)
I know I dropped the show a few weeks back, but I was just curious what an ending for Ryuugajou Nanana no Maizoukin would even look like. After all, when I did follow the anime, the plot felt aimless and inconsequential. Stuff happened, but none of it felt important. The world seemed interesting on the surface, but Ryuugajou Nanana no Maizoukin failed to follow up on anything at an emotional level. It never gave me any real reason to care about Nanana’s dinky treasures or the characters’ mad rush for them. In any case, I’m thus not surprised that, well, there isn’t much of an ending. A bad guy finally did show up in the story, but you don’t even get a satisfying final boss fight. Instead, the bout comes to a draw, and everyone goes their separate ways.
But nevermind all of that. Nevermind the bad guy too. I mean, let’s get to the real heart of the issue: what about Nanana? More specifically, do we ever solve the identity of Nanana’s killer? No. Of course not. The last episode ends with Juugo re-iterating to the ghost that he’ll find her killer one day, aaaaaaaand… that’s it. It’s the open-ended kind of ending that totally screams sequel, which the after credits scene seems to hint at, but hah, good luck getting anyone to watch it. I can’t remember a more inconsequential anime to air in such a long time. Hell, I’m having a hard time understanding why anyone would adapt a show that seemingly has no story. There are plot events, but they don’t add up to anything. What a waste of time.
Soredemo Sekai wa Utsukushii Ep. 11
In Bokura wa Minna Kawaisou, the couple couldn’t even start dating. Here, the couple is actually going to get married, and yet, Livius can’t even put a hand on top of one of her hands without Nike yelping as though he had just molested her. C’mon, guys, relationships are deeper than this. You can’t keep skirting around the issue forever. People hold hands. People kiss. People even (gasp!) have sex! The longer you keep trying to ignore reality, the more painful it’ll be when it finally hits you head on. Honestly, I just don’t think it’s healthy to reduce our romances down to the point where they’re practically plastic-wrapped and sterilized. This is just plain unhealthy, man.
Case in point, when Livius finally does kiss his bride, he has to force it upon her in front of a crowded room. Hah, do you think two people in a relationship could mutually kiss each other just because they enjoy the act? Nope, he’s gotta surprise her! All kisses have to be a complete surprise. Otherwise, they’re not romantic at all, mm-hmm. She then stands there, blushes profusely, then stammers, “H-H-Hey! You little brat!” Seriously, though, what is wrong with you people? It’s just a kiss. Grow up already. I’m not saying I want to see these two have sex. After all, just look at Livius, or rather, look at how small he is. But y’know what you could do to solve that problem? Not make Livius illegal to bang. Problem solved!
Anyway, the plot this week is just pure fluff. Nike’s mother shows up to try one last time to convince Livius to give Nike up, but her heart isn’t really in it. After all, as soon as he turns her request down, she immediately plays dress-up with her future son-in-law. There is almost no conflict in this week’s episode. It’s like an extended denouement because Soredemo Sekai wa Utsukushii has paced itself poorly. We have Livius antagonizing Kitora for no good reason, but honestly, no one really cares what happens to that character anyway, since he was practically introduced at the eleventh hour. As far as our main couple is concerned, it sure does feel like their story is over already, which is odd because there’s still another episode of this series left to go. So see you guys next week… I guess.
Well, the season finally comes to an end, but Madhouse would be dumb to let the sequel slip out of their fingers. . Oh sure, I don’t like the show, but I’m not blind. The show has been a surprise hit with a lot of people, and to say otherwise would just be obtuse. Still, I’m not changing my tune. While the first episode had set the stage for a potentially interesting story, the rest of the anime turned out to be mostly unfunny, pandering schlock. Having said that, I will credit No Game, No Life for one thing: most of the games have generally been creative in their execution. There’s an undeniable energy to them as well. Still, there’s too little here to make up for the show’s negatives. If every episode had gone for broke (e.g., like the shiritori episode) then maybe, but too much time was wasted on making a fool out of Stephanie, forming the harem, or delving into the past of two siblings I don’t care to learn about. But enough about that. Let’s just wrap up the series, shall we? And don’t worry, I won’t blog the sequel whenever it does get made.
– Since Izuna is having so much fun, I guess she’s going full furry. You never go full furry.
– The show does the fake-out thing again, but the siblings actually allow themselves to get hit this time in order to really convince everyone that they had lost. Then through the calculations — yeah, I’m not going to recap it all — they’ve arranged it for Stephanie to unwittingly take the winning shot.
Oh ho ho, winning the game because no one expected the dumbest, ditziest character to be a threat. This is part of what I mean, though. Imagine if the show had gone for broke every single time it could. Compared to the shiritori match, however, this love-sim FPS game is relatively ordinary, and its ending is ho-hum compared to people falling into the fucking core of the planet. Seeing Stephanie take the winning shot, on the other hand, my only reaction was, “Eh.” I expected a big finish, I guess. I think a show like No Game, No Life would only work for me if each and every single match became nuttier and crazier than the last.
– The Izuna having fun thing is pure fluff. I don’t think it’s important to address.
– Unfortunately, the match is over already with more than half of the episode to go. As a result, more fluff comes in the way of fanservice. Oh well, time to skip through this boring shit.
– This is the other part of what I mean. The pacing of the show is only top notch for people who want to see Sora’s harem bathe each other. I don’t, so the pacing is pretty shit. In twelve episodes, we only got to see three big games. The rest of the time is wasted on pandering schlock.
– I don’t even know how the “bald monkey” insult is supposed to work when you could arguably called the warbeasts “bald dogs” in return.
– Miko finally meets with the siblings, and she’s none too pleased with the way things have played out. Thanks to their loss, I guess, everyone else is gunning to challenge the Eastern Federation. She thus swears revenge on Sora and even threatens his life in the process.
– So they play a game of coin toss. Pretty lame, guys. Anyway, since Miko practically didn’t want anything from the siblings in return — in fact, she just wants to ensure her people’s safety — he games it so that the coin toss ends up being a draw for the both of them. This way, everyone can win… or lose, but why would you pick that? Gosh, imagine if Miko had actually wanted revenge.
– Are the siblings ever going to play a game with anyone that isn’t a hot anime babe, though? Besides Tet, of course, but let’s be honest. When will the fated match between the siblings and Tet ever take place? After all, there are fifteen other races, and the siblings spent a good chunk of their time just defeating themselves.
– I feel like the siblings are going to have the same talk whenever they defeat someone.
“What are you planning to do?”
“We want to defeat Tet!”
“You actually think it’s possible?!”
Seriously, this isn’t the first time we’ve heard this stuff before.
– Anyway, seeing as how Miko’s a shrine maiden, she must have a god. So the finale episode ends on the siblings encountering one of those gods. And that’s it. Not really much of an ending, but I suppose it’s enough to excite the fans. As for me, this chapter comes to a close for good. One season is enough for me. After all, I’m sure any sequel to No Game, No Life would just stick to its established formula, and I’ve said everything I needed to say on the anime.
Man, what an exciting aerial battle between two gigantic, floating fortresses. Now kiss!
Alright, alright, time to get serious. Or is it? See, I’m just copying Hitsugi noChaika‘s fake-out style of storytelling. I say one thing, but then it turns out I’m doing the opposite instead! It’s wild! You guys should try it too. Case in point, you’re trapped in a flying fortress with no way of getting down to the ground. Boy, a dragon sure would be useful right about now. It’s just too bad she went and got herself killed. Or did she? Look closer, my friends!
CLOSER!
Fucking asspull, man. So yeah, the heroes now finally have a dragon on their side to turn the tides of the battle. They’ve always had a dragon, but we needed to stretch this arc out. As a result, they’ll pretend as though she had died not once but twice… only for her to come back to life chest burster style, of course. Yep, that sounds about right. In fact, this storytelling technique is so cool, let’s use it again!
Near the mid point of the episode, we see a giant fuck-off laser heading straight for both Alveric and Leo. Of course, the camera follows Leo because we just care oh-so-much what happens to him. As a result, we get to see the aftermath where the catman pick up Alveric’s sword and scream out his name as if something terrible had just happened. Or did it?!
Wait, that’s not Alveric. That’s Vivi’s hair turning white in an instant due to the grief from learning about her lover’s death. Gosh, it couldn’t have happened to a better girl. But c’mon now? Is Alveric really dead? After all, did we even see a dead body? It’s just one of the conventions of storytelling! Unless there’s a dead body, nothing is certain. Even when there’s a dead body, nothing is certain either! But whatever. Seeing as how there’s a sequel coming soon, I bet this fake-out will just take months to complete.
Anyway, the bad guys intend to suicide themselves and their floating fortress into the capital at Cadwell, and somehow, this alone will plunge the whole world into war. That’s a bit of a leap, but I have never expected Hitsugi no Chaika‘s politics to be one of its strengths anyway. Plus, they don’t seem to realize that the other floating ship had decided to beat them to the punch and suicide into them, thereby causing the Soara to slowly sink into a nearby body of water. Oh well, let’s see if our heroes can save themselves. Chaika finally realizes she could just use her magic gun to blow open the locked doors to her room, thereby freeing herself. Unfortunately, that’s pretty much the extent of Chaika’s usefulness this week. She ends up getting caught by Ricardo, so she’s back to being the damsel-in-distress.
The final battle — for this season, anyway — comes down to a sword dance between one Chaika follower against another. Apparently, Ricardo isn’t just a maniac who likes to carve up young girls. He can actually go toe-to-toe with a saboteur, albeit a tired and injured one. Still, this is making me really question whether or not being a saboteur is all that special. Seriously though, isn’t Ricardo just some rich guy’s son? Sure, it’s possible that he may have had combat training, but enough to get the upper-hand on Toru, a veteran of war who has been trained to fight since he was a kid? Ehhhhhhh… I guess we can only assume that this is the case, but when you force the audience to fill in those narrative gaps for themselves, there’s just something dissatisfying about it all.
But nevermind the storytelling! After all, we’re all about the fake-outs! Toru leaves himself vulnerable in the fight! This way, Ricardo would let his guard down, allowing our hero to get in the finishing blow! But wait, did Toru leave himself too open? It looks as though Ricardo has gotten in a mortal strike as well!
Or… did he?!
Good lord, give the trope a rest, you guys. You’re just beating the tar out of this poor, dead horse of a trope, and it doesn’t deserve it! Anyway, our heroes retrieve yet another one of Gaz’s remains, but they still have plenty of pieces to go. So y’know, this story is nowhere near finished just yet. Just as Toru and Chaika are making their plans to leave, however, Layla returns one last time to shoot Toru in the chest with a crossbow. Oh, did I say chest? I really mean his shoulder, so it’s not even close to being fatal. Nevertheless… don’t you do it, Bones! Don’t you try this bullshit fake-out trick again! But oh look, Toru has just fallen over the side of the railing. Alright, alright… it appears as though Toru is falling to his death…
Or… did… he… gee, I don’t know, you tell me.
See? He’s fine. Of course, I’ll give the anime credit for one thing: Chaika ends up saving Toru this time around. But wait, how did she get pass Layla? Layla was going to shoot Chaika, after all, but it’s the season for asspulls, so we got ourselves a Guy ex machina ending. This distraction is enough to give Chaika the time she needs to fire her gun off and defeat Layla once and for all. Afer floating around with Toru for a bit, the rest of their friends eventually come to meet up with Chaika and her tool. They even interrupt a potential kiss between the two lovebirds, ’cause this is anime. Therefore, physical intimacy is icky, but it’s cool if i just stuff a few dead girls in the walls of my floating fortress. Yep, no “Suteki da ne” for our lovers here.
Our heroes eventually escape from the now-submerged fortress by casting an air bubble around themselves, then just flying out on their Puff, the Magic Dragon. As for the rest of those dead girls, they get to treat themselves to a nice, luxurious dip in the pool. I sure hope no one goes to drink from that lake for quite some time… yeesh. Wait, weren’t one of those girls still alive? …ah well! I’m sure her family has already assumed that she’s dead anyway!
Layla shares one final moment with Ricardo, but I’m not sure why I should care because one of them is a serial killer, and the other one wants to instigate a war just because she’s angry at the fact that she was created to be a tool. Man, what a tool. And yeah, the bad guys have stories to tell too, but do they deserve a touching moment when they are this unrelentingly evil? See, I don’t know about that…
In the end, our heroes resolve to continue their journey. After all, nothing has been resolved. We’ve confirmed that Chaika is a creation, but this is something we’ve been expecting for quite some time anyway. We still don’t know why she was created. We still don’t know much about Gaz or even if he deserved to be taken out. We still don’t know who Guy is and what his aims are. We still don’t know, well, anything. So onward we go onto our very next adventure… in October:
Nice Marvel heroine pose from Akari there… But ahem, what do I think about Hitsugi no Chaika‘s first season? If I had to give it a grade, it’s somewhere around the C+ area. It’s competently made for a series, but there’s nothing special about it. It also says nothing special either. It’s a nice enough show with nice enough character interactions, and nice is just a hair above average. So C+ it is. Would I blog about the second season? Sure, the story isn’t terrible, and I wouldn’t mind having the questions above answered. At the same time, however, if the second season somehow never came to light, i wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. And that says C+ to me.
P.S. I’m sorry, horse, but we just couldn’t afford to get you the plot armor that you needed. We spent all of our money on Fredrica.
Yo, this is why you don’t want to have unprotected sex with random partners. Tch, that crotch rot. On a more serious note, I honestly found my mind wandering during Akashi’s first encounter with the Reaper-looking Admonition. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop. There’s just something very uncompelling about this series. On paper, it should sound interesting. A bunch of kids form a task force to investigate a bizarre region of the land that causes people to go crazy. The reality, however, doesn’t quite match up with our expectations. The problem is that there’s nothing really all that crazy or disturbing about the Lightless Realm. I’m thinking to myself, “Man, this place should be fucked up.” But it’s so dinky, man. It’s all grey and shit, but otherwise empty. There are Admonitions and a Corpse running about, but they’re ugly and dumb-looking. I naturally can’t help but think that this is all child’s play.
For whatever reason, Saya no Uta, one of those visual novels from Japan, come sto mind. In that story, the main character really does go off the deep end, seeing and feeling some pretty messed up shit. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t like Saya no Uta, and no, I don’t want another loli-raping story. But surely, there’s a middle ground somewhere between the visual novel’s nightmare and M3‘s nice little picnic in the park. Y’know how Mahmu tries to serve as the show’s unofficial narrator? She sits there and she mumbles all this dark, foreboding shit about the Lightless Realm, but the execution in reality is really lame. Case in point, she says, “You search and search, but all you find are pieces of emotions you don’t want to know about.” But what are the terrible emotions the characters oh-so-terribly do not want to know about?
Well, this week, Akashi finally spills the beans, and lets us know why he hates his brother so much. All this build-up, however, and his angst turns out to be, well, quite tame. Basically, Aoshi was the golden child who got all the attention. As a result, he felt abandoned. Whenever Akashi did get any attention, he was only being compared to his accomplished brother. But y’know, Aoshi never treated his otouto poorly. In fact, most of the flashbacks we see seems to paint Aoshi is a pretty good light. Look, I’m not saying that a little kid should have all the cards. Everyone reacts to every situation differently, and for whatever reason, Akashi couldn’t get over it. He couldn’t just be happy for his brother, and his jealousy and envy poisoned their relationship. This isn’t about how much Akashi sucks as a person. This is more of an indictment of how modern society has continued to lag behind on mental health. Kids like Akashi need accessible and affordable therapists or counselors to talk to.
Still, for a show about some bizarre Lightless Realm that turns people into “Necrometal” and supposedly causes the mind to go crazy, this is lame. No, seriously, this is so lame. I sympathize with the kid, but at the same time, his emotional pains are not disturbing nor are they even gut-wrenching. My only thought is, “Hm, you should probably seek help for that,” and that’s it. If we’re going to go the emotional route, I should be sitting here with a pit in my stomach. I should be thinking, “Wow, this is heavy.” But a kid being jealous of his golden child brother? Puh-leeze. Hey, if this was an after school special, that would be just fine. But for a series that wants to paint itself as dark and mysterious, Akashi’s angst is fucking mundane, man. You go talk to someone about it, maybe over some beers — oh wait, he isn’t old enough — and that’s that. Like with a lot of anime series, M3 is a failure of the imagination. Enigmatic and disturbing? Nah. Just Akashi’s personal Tumblr.
Anyway, there isn’t much else to talk about. Once again, the other kids are useless as Akashi ventures into the Lightless Realm alone. Hell, he didn’t even bother to tell his “teammates” why he had returned, so all they can do is sit there and speculate. Like I’ve said, all Mahmu does is serve as the unofficial narrator of the series. She’ll say something stupid in the middle of a mission, then the other characters sigh. That’s what her character has basically come to. Minashi, on the other hand, tries to be all sagacious and everything. When Akashi is just about to lose all hope, Sasame sings that dorky song that he likes so much. As a result, it gave our hero the resolve to crawl his way out of the Lightless Realm. How does Minashi react, though? He asks, “But what is it you want Akashi to do once he comes back…?” What kind of fucking question is that? Maybe she doesn’t want him to do anything. Maybe she just wants her friend back. Stop trying to be all mysterious and wise when you end up being neither.
One final note: Akashi failed to retrieve Heito or the Sable, but he did get to see Emiru’s spirit one last time before the Corpse presumably made off with her. So that’s cool. He’s got that going for him, at least. I still can’t believe this is a two-cour series. Oh well. Maybe there’ll be something decent next season to replace M3. Then again, maybe not.
“Tanikaze… It’s you who gets all the special gear again, huh? It’s not fair.”
Well, that’s because Nagate’s nearly perfect. Seriously, if you take a step back and look at his character arc, our hero has almost never failed. The one time it looked as though Nagate had fucked up majorly, it wasn’t even his fault; Norio had set him up. Alright, let’s just come out and ask the question: is Nagate a Gary Stu? For what it’s worth, even if he is one, he’s not as bad as the other fine examples of Gary Stu-ery in anime. There isn’t an air of arrogance or condescension with Nagate. He doesn’t make you think as though he’s looking down on the rest of the peasants as he single-handedly saves them from every single situation. He doesn’t feel like an author insert character, necessarily. Nagate, for the most part, is a rather clueless guy who just tries to do what he thinks is right. He’s rather socially awkward, and not only that, he has been a bit obsessed with the Shizuka-lookalike recently. As a result, our protagonist isn’t perfect. Having said that, I still have to insist that our hero doesn’t actually have much of a character arc. He goes into every single situation and succeeds without question. He might not be perfect, but his actions are about as perfect as they can be given the situation. Nagate can’t defy logic, but you won’t find any fault in him or what he does either.
Saito Hiroki was such a hero to Sidonia that its people still revere the mecha he piloted. Hiroki then gave Sidonia his own “son” in the way of Nagate, who goes on to become Sidonia’s savior. You could even argue that cloning is a form of immaculate conception. But you can make any deeper connection you want, I still think there’s something dissatisfying about watching a character whose arc is so flat and unchanging. At the moment, Sidonia no Kishi is a decent enough time waster, but for its story to elevate itself to the next level, I really do believe Nagate’s character has to develop more depth. You’ll note our hero hasn’t actually expressed very many opinions of his own throughout the story. He almost lacks a personality. At the moment, Nagate represents Sidonia’s greatest light, humanity’s only beacon of hope against an alien foe it has struggled with for over a thousand years. That’s great and all, but Nagate doesn’t, however, feel like an individual. He doesn’t feel like a character with his own thoughts, concerns, feelings, expressions, etc. We never really get inside his head nor does it feel like there’d be anything inside it even if we did. Nagate perhaps accepts his role as Sidonia’s savior too willingly. Yes, he loves Sidonia and its people — even Norio! – but that’s just typical shounen fare (“Minna~! Daisuki~!).
Because of Nagate’s greatness, he ends up overshadowing almost everyone in the story and not just Norio. Ren hands Nagate a shot that she had intended to use herself. After all, she wanted to avenge her sister’s death. But because Nagate’s role in the story is to often act as Sidonia’s sole savior, the girl gives up the one thing that makes her character even remotely stand out. At the moment, only a few characters are spared from Nagate’s all-consuming heroic light, and that’s because they fulfill roles he can’t currently perform at the moment. Nagate can’t currently be the no-nonsense leader that Sidonia needs, so Kobayashi stands out as an individual. Nagate might be an ace pilot, but he’s never going to formulate battle strategies on a macro level. As a result, Yuhata has a unique role to play. Whereas Nagate lacks in strong emotions and feelings of his own, Izana tries to make up for this void by ever-pining for true love and happier, more idyllic days. And finally, Norio injects a bit of pathos in the story since Nagate is seemingly infallible. Everyone else in the story, however, are indistinct. Not only that, they can’t do anything to stand out because Nagate is always the hero. Ren’s own revenge story is subsumed by the hero, and that’s a pity. Still, I’ll give the show credit where credit is due: Nagate doesn’t single-handedly save Sidonia from G542.
Instead, the remains of the first platoon ends up flying into the planet-sized Gauna to defeat the aptly named Master Gauna. That’s not to say they didn’t get any help from Nagate. Of course they do. Without Nagate’s distraction, Benisuzume would’ve prevented all of them from entering G542 in the first place. As a result, Nagate’s job this episode is to have that epic one-on-one duel with the Gauna’s greatest imitation of humanity’s combat prowess. In fact, our hero even gets knocked unconscious at one point, necessitating a heroic action from Izana to save his life. He is thus able to wake himself up and defeat Benisuzume. For once, everyone can call themselves heroes after such an attritious battle. So rest assured, Nagate is no Shiba Tatsuya or Kirito. Having said that, nothing I’ve said in the preceding paragraphs is rendered irrelevant by the events in this week’s episode. Nagate’s character arc is still flat, and he lacks a strong personality. Because of his role in the story, he often overshadows everyone but the main girls in his life — and Norio, naturally. Yes, other pilots helped to save the day, but after eleven episodes of being The Nagate Show, we hardly know anything about Samari, Ichiro, and Koichi. There are other pilots with those three as well, but they didn’t even get speaking parts!
Anyway, it’s time to wrap up Sidonia no Kishi‘s first season. Yes, there appears to be a sequel in the works, but seeing as how advanced screening of the second season’s first two episodes won’t take place until Nov. 23, we have a looooooong time to wait. Does this mean I’m looking forward to the sequel? Kind of. The setting itself is interesting. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to know what the Gaunas are or what they represent. Plus, the first season never really wrapped up the whole Ochiai business. I’m sure he’s destined to play a larger role in the sequel. You don’t just keep a mad scientist around for funsies. Still, the anime is not without its flaws. I’ve already talked about our hero’s weak characterization, so I’ll mention everything else. The adaptation’s world-building is not very strong, and at the moment, we still don’t know much about the inner workings of Sidonia itself. Worst of all, the show is plagued with one too many fanservice-y moments. Whenever a female character appears (there’s a dearth of male characters in the show as well) in one of her skin-tight bodysuits, her breasts have to jiggle if she so much as flinches. They don’t even have to be talking about sex or anything sex-related. Oh, look at this special prototype I’ve been working on–… oops, there goes my jello tits, teehee!
Sidonia no Kishi has a solid sci-fi backbone underneath its layers and layers anime-isms (and not the good kind). The potential’s there, but the execution is often lacking. Grade: C+/B-.
Stray observations:
– In the end, Nagate is able to slay one Shizuka-lookalike, and as he does this, he screams, “You’re… neither Hoshijiro nor human!” But is this a sign that he can get over his former love interest’s death? After all, he’s saying this to the wrong Shizuka-lookalike. It isn’t the Benisuzume that our hero is obsessed with. Rather, he needs to say the same thing to the placenta specimen they have locked up in one of Sidonia’s research labs. I’m not saying he needs to kill the placenta specimen the same way he kills Benizusume. Nevertheless, in order for our hero to truly get over Shizuka’s death, he needs to confront the very thing that is currently keeping him attached to Shizuka. Benisuzume doesn’t actually represent anything other than that Sidonia’s greatest champion can defeat the Gauna’s greatest imitation (to date). Her defeat isn’t even emotional or cathartic. It shared a nice action scene with our hero, but nothing more. But I digress. What’s the last thing we see in the episode? Nagate going to pay the placenta specimen a visit. There’s just one small problem: her cell seems to be empty.
– I laughed at this slow-motion dodging scene.
– Yeah, I didn’t mind Benisuzume’s giggling when she first appeared, but it’s just ridiculous now. It doesn’t add any actual creepiness to the scene, nor does it even reflect Shizuka’s true personality. It’s just a lame distraction from an otherwise solid duel between our hero and Benisuzume.
– Nagate gives up a part of Tsugumori in order to defeat Benisuzume; he fires off one of his mecha’s hands in order to take his opponent by surprise. Eventually, Tsugumori will be replaced piece-by-piece, and we’ll run into another example of the Ship of Theseus. But on a more important note, Tsugumori will eventually become Nagate’s own mecha, and not just something that was handed down to him.
– Really? I have to see the impact of the missile from Sidonia’s screens, but not the actual impact itself? Sure, we see the aftermath of the explosion, but c’mon, man… You’ve already given me a Star Wars-esque moment in which the pilots flew into the “Death Star” to blow up the core, but you can’t give me a Death Star-esque explosion?
– Nagate didn’t even end up coming to save Izana after she had saved him. Well then…
– Even in the end, the newscast says, “Due to Tanikaze Nagate’s heroic conduct, G542 was defeated.” C’mon, are the rest of the pilots chopped liver or what?
– Nagate’s magnanimity ends up magnifying Norio’s personal failures. He’s destined to be a tragic figure.
– Ren confesses that she and her sisters are only… uh, five. Great. And look, Izana’s jealous of our hero talking to yet another girl. Christ, she’s a stage-five clinger in the making. As important as a her role might be in the story, this is why I don’t like Izana’s character one bit.
Oh good, another lopsided score because this anime doesn’t seem to understand that keeping things close makes sports seem more exciting. Sometimes, blow-outs do happen, but… but wait a minute! This is a fictional story! It’s almost as if… as if I could make it so that these events seem close — after all, this is all made-up! — thereby creating tension!… naaaaaaah. Anyway, it’s that time of the week again, folks. It’s time to watch the lamest Gary Stu of them all.
– As if you needed a reminder that you’re watching a Gary Stu in action, what’s the first thing you see after the opening credits? Mayumi exclaims, “I’m so impressed, Tatsuya!” Wasn’t it Shizuku who actually competed? Isn’t she the one who won? No.. Tatsuya won. No ifs and/or buts about it.
– Oh, Mayumi congratulates the actual players later… after Tatsuya reminds her to do so. The Lord sayeth… and it shall be so.
– Mari: “But at the same time, your own achievement can’t be denied.” Oh, we’ve made that very clear from the very start of the series, trust me! As such, the dick-sucking continues: “This feat, namely, all of our players finishing on the podium, owes much to your engineering skills.”
– That’s right! He came up with a new type of magic, and it’ll be registered officially as well! He’ll just pass on having it registered under his own name thanks to Tatsuya’s one “flaw:” it takes him too long to activate long sequences or some stupid shit like that. But of course, he’s super fast at short spells, so it’s not even a real flaw. It’s a fucking trade-off. A flaw is like a scar on my forehead. There’s no upside to it. There’s just a scar on my forehead. No, I don’t get magical powers to compensate. I repeat: it’s a flaw and nothing more. On that note, Tatsuya’s “flaw” is thus no flaw at all.
– Who does Mayumi encourage for the later matches? The athletes themselves? No. She hopes that Tatsuya can keep it up. Well damn, woman. If you keep riding him like this, he’ll be up all night.
– Just to reiterate how utterly pointless this entire competition is, here’s what one of the representatives from Third High School ends up asking: “Are you saying that it wasn’t due to those three girls’ personal skills?”
– “I’ll bet that the engineer in charge of the girls’ speeding shooting must have mind-blowing skills.” Oh, we ain’t here just to blow minds.
– They’re now talking about the rifle Shizuku had used and how it was “cutting-edge technology.” There’s actually a big debate in the real world about whether or not technology might adversely affect the integrity of sporting events. Still, an athlete’s personal skill level determines much of his or her performance, and technology can only give you a small edge. The debate is whether or not that small edge is substantial enough to raise any real concerns. That’s the real world, though. You get the feeling here, however, that the devices are everything. Yeah, yeah, they think Shizuku is decent with magic, but at best, it’s a passing remark. They completely trash the other two girls. On the other hand, the characters are gushing on and on and on about the rifle just like how Mahouka typically gushes on and on and on about magic. Just the fact that technology accounts for even 50% of an athlete’s performance is ludicrous, but who’s to say Tatsuya’s engineering genius isn’t accounting for even more? “B-but it’s a futuristic world, so technology should matter!” Sure! Then make it a competition between competing technologies and their engineers then. Don’t call it a fucking sporting competition, and have the entire thing come down to Tatsuya’s Gary Stu brilliance.
– Blah blah blah, a bunch of stuff about how a prototype from a year ago had been refined into an awesome rifle for Shizuka: “If all that was made possible by an engineer’s skill…” Sluuuuurp.
– “It’s the work of a beast.” Jesus Christ…
– The scene changes and–… oh look! Another girl is about to compete! We still haven’t seen a single guy do anything in the past three episodes. Scenes after scenes in which the characters fellate Tatsuya. When Miyuki is onscreen, she’s either trying to jump her brother’s dick or boob-shame a girl from having a larger rack albeit completely covered by her shirt. And to top it all off, at a unisex sporting competition, we don’t get to see a single guy compete. Unisex, my ass. Remember when Tatsuya had some stupid sword created just for Leo? Remember that? Yeah, I fucking don’t. Because someone out there probably thinks it’d be too gay to watch guys compete. Oh no, imaginary males on my screen! I now want to have sex with men instead of just wanting to become Tatsuya!
– Have you noticed we’ve focused on just the same few events over and over? Battle boarding, speed shooting, and later, breaking ice pillars. Oh, we’ve seen or heard of the other events… very briefly. The anime keeps coming back to these sports, though. Some big, prestigious competition and yet there are hardly anything to watch. Why? Oh, I don’t know. Probably because when you drone on and on about magic in a way that completely demystifies it, it’s likely a sign that you lack imagination. So naturally, you make your story about a super powerful high school boy, and he has an imouto who dotes upon him. The other girls want him too, though, to the point that the other guys hate him. And oh yeah, China is evil. What? Is it too original for you guys? Yeah, Mahouka‘s too original, huh?
– Haha, look at this cheap ass shit. Tatsuya’s special strategy for Honoka is to have her cast an optical spell at the start of the match, thereby blinding her opponents right from the get-go. It is then smooth-sailing for the girl the rest of the way. Much skill. Very sporting. Greatness awaits.
– Honoka’s now crying tears of happiness because she’s managed to win a match. All thanks to our Lord and savior! For some reason, Miyuki looks a bit glum off to the side. I’m sure it has something to do with her brother. Every single action she takes has something to do with her brother. She wouldn’t even piss without his permission.
– Oh, we finally hear again about how the guys are doing… long after they’ve already competed. Just once an episode, though. Wouldn’t want to even hear about the guys, y’know? Wouldn’t want my ears to turn gay and start listening to Madonna.
– Some faceless men in suits are now bitching about how First High is going to win the whole thing even though they had tried to rig the whole thing. The best part is when some guy says, “And we drew an especially large crowd this time.” Damn, if only Mahouka had the chops to show us such a thing!
– Wait, actually, the real best part is how these chumps are going to die over some high school competition. They couldn’t even rig a professional event and draw more money that way, apparently. Seriously, why would powerful gangsters anywhere bother with a sports event featuring kids? Oh wait, you’re going to tell me that a high school competition in Mahouka‘s universe is somehow bigger than actual pros, huh? ‘Cause that would be rich.
– In the following scene, we see that Miyuki has paid a visit to her brother’s room again, but the way he speaks to her is more like an exasperated parent than a sibling. More importantly, however, why is Miyuki here? Meh, it’s some stupid shit about a tiff between Tatsuya and his aunt. He casually goes on and on about how he can totally pwn her in battle, but someone else would just take her place. Uh-huh, tell us more about your power fantasies, dude.
– In any case, Miyuki dives into her oniichan’s manly chest and cries, “I’m on your side, remember…” What a touching moment that’s all about Tatsuya again.
– Time to break ice pillars. Shizuka is dressed in some traditional get-up for it too, a fact which exasperates Tatsuya. He remarks that it’s more like a fashion show out there. He may not realize it, but this is just another way for the story to devalue these girls’ skills. Honestly — honestly — although we’ve seen nothing but the girls compete, at the same time, we don’t even bother to respect the girls’ skills. First, their victories are heavily attributed to Tatsuya’s engineering genius. And now, this. The girls are using this opportunity to play dress-up. An actual athlete would care very much whether or not her outfit might hinder her performance. If there’s even a slightest chance the outcome would be influenced ever so slightly, an athlete wouldn’t risk it. Why the fuck would she? Do you see Olympic swimmers go out there in a two-piece bikini for style points? But hurr, these sleeves are on the short side, yo! We then see the other girls compete in equally ostentatious outfits. Great! All the attention paid to the female athletes are because they’re cute shoujos and nothing more, but you probably already knew that, huh?
– Plus, nothing like the competition starting only for us to see the two characters grimace and furiously press the buttons on their wrists at each other. Slowly, ever so slowly, the ice pillars start to crack. Exciting! Grr, I’m pressing my buttons harder than you! Marvel at my skills!
– In a flashback scene, Honoka praised the Shiba siblings’ magical prowess. Meanwhile, the audience gets to watch as our resident Gary and Mary Sue used their magic to slide some platform across the ground. So beautiful. They should’ve sent a poet…
– Finally, we get to see Miyuki compete. As if to one-up Shizuka, she’s in a miko outfit. She then gives this stupid face right before she casts a spell, but I’m sure fans are just creaming themselves over this superfluous pose:
– Miyuki’s competitor desperately hammers away at her wrist. Hammer faster, woman! Press those buttons harder! Show us your skills! But alas, it is to no avail. We’ve just witness an amazing feat of athletic prowess from Miyuki. She poses, then she sticks her hand out, proving once again that any fiction featuring magic takes all the fun out of sports. Y’see, our Mary Sue has just cast a spell that even Rank A magicians struggle with! Unfortunately, I have no idea how strong Rank A magicians are, therefore, this frame of reference is utterly useless! But nevermind that, ’cause the opponent’s ice pillars have all been destroyed in an instant. What a shebeast.
– Wait, wait, we’re starting to praise the girls a little too much, if you know what I mean. Let’s dial it back a bit. Let’s dial it back to sucking Tatsuya’s dick again: “That spell of Shiba and Shizuku’s was a variation on resonance, wasn’t it? So Shiba did design that Activation Sequence?” There it is!
– Meanwhile, the guys look on with jealousy. I would too. According to the anime, they don’t even exist. Shun’s so bitter about it, however, that he storms off. In case you’ve forgotten all about it, our resident asshole will remind you what this anime is truly all about: “I’m going to prove once and for all that Blooms are superior to Weeds!” Once again, it’s the dirty boys who are bigots. Once again, the cute girls are angels who wouldn’t dare lord their superior social status over the Weeds like them evil boys.
– Ugh, it sucks so much to be poor Tatsuya, though. Getting all this praise from the girls, making the boys jelly, incurring the wrath of bigots like Shun… won’t you… won’t you feel sorry for our modern day Rosa Parks? He’s just a tired, ol’ Weed who’s taken a front row seat wherever he’s gone, from the Student Council to this athletic competition, and dem Blooms are not happy one bit!
I gotta admit that Kumiko had some guts. Nevertheless, I’m sorely disappointed Baku’s story ends the way that it does. It’s no different from any of the other designer children (minus Setsuna… somewhat). It may have taken two weeks to resolve, but the formula is still the same. But anyway, let’s first establish some context. Apparently, the people around Baku are nothing more than illusions. Yeah, that’s his singularity. He has the ability to “restore” broken things, but not really (as evident by my use of quotation marks around the word ‘restore’). The story implies that they don’t come back to life. Rather, it just looks that way, I guess. Sadly for Baku, Kumiko just happens to be one of those illusions; she’s supposed to be long dead. When she realizes this, as well as the fact that her nightmares are actually visions of an event that had actually occurred, the girl tells Baku that he doesn’t need to keep the illusion up anymore. He can finally let her go. Complying with her wishes, all of Baku’s illusions then turn green and disintegrate before his very eyes.
Still, those are some mighty fine illusions, though… illusions that are somehow capable of having thoughts of their own. Case in point, Haruhiko was totally jealous of Baku’s relationship with his fiancee — yes, Kumiko was engaged to Haruhiko — so much so that he would’ve killed the guy. Like I’ve said, these are some fancy ass illusions. They may as well be alive. In fact, why not keep them alive if they’re functionally no different from real humans themselves? Oh right, they’re technically dead. But if they can still live, eat, and enjoy life, what difference does it make? I can only assume, however, that Baku somehow can’t pick and choose who he keeps alive. In other words, Kumiko’s awesome, but she and the rest of the Asanoda Yakuza are a package deal. If he wants her to stick around, he has to keep the rest of the child traffickers around. If that’s really the case, then I suppose letting go of Kumiko is the right thing to do. Otherwise, however, I don’t see what the big deal is with keeping an “illusion” around if she is functionally alive for all intents and purposes.
Other minor details bug me. For example, why was Baku even at the site of the Magus’s sinking in the first place? Did he somehow learn that Kumiko was going to blow herself up? It just seems too convenient. You’d also think that after all this time, the Kiltgang would realize, “Gee, they seem to foil us each and every single time we attempt an abreaction. Maybe we shouldn’t let good ol’ Bugbear fight the hero alone. Whoops, he loses too. Oh well, I guess we’ll just have to try harder next time!” So when it comes down to it, Baku’s story is no different from the rest of the designer children (minus Setsuna). It just took two whole episodes to complete because the tragic love story between him and Kumiko is just that important, I guess. He still gets awakened, he still tries to fight the heroes, and he still fails. Ho-hum. It’s okay, guys. We’ve killed enough time to get through a single cour. Now, the story can really take off! This is where Captain Earth can fully realize its Shakespearean aspirations! I mean, all those references that fans had gushed about early on in the season can now amount to something profound and relevatory, eh? Eh…?
It’s not as though Captain Earth didn’t have a chance to shake things up, and that’s what’s maddening about Baku’s story. He didn’t have to join the bad guys. Oh sure, he’s depressed because Kumiko’s gone for good now, and thus he only wants to take his revenge on the planet by destroying. Yeah, yeah, I got it. But in her final moments, the girl came so close to saying the right words: “You’re different from everyone else. I want you to live your own life. Find your own star.” Alas, there’s nothing there about becoming a good. There’s nothing there about “don’t annihilate the entire planet because I died.” Granted, she has no idea who the Kiltgang are or what they’re up to, but it’s not difficult to see that Baku’s about to run with a bad crowd. On the flip side, it also isn’t very difficult for Baku to realize, “Y’know, maybe the ojo-san, who staunchly opposed child trafficking, probably wouldn’t want me to suck the life out of every single person on this planet! Then who knows what would happen next? Maybe Baku would’ve become a third “faction,” so to speak. We honestly could’ve switched things up. But instead, the anime sticks to its painfully boring formula.
Yeah, if Kumiko had said the right words, maybe Baku wouldn’t have become a bad guy. But at least he actually has a reason to hate the world. For once, a designer child’s life actually sucked. Yo, he’s a victim of child trafficking. Maybe in the sterilized world of Captain Earth, these children are only forced to fight in underground arenas for illegal gamblers. In the real world, however, victims of child trafficking face all sorts of nasty abuses, especially sex-related ones. Plus, y’know, his one love died, blah blah blah. Meanwhile — meaaaaaanwhile — Zin is mad because… what? His high school friend stole his work and took credit for it? Talk about first world problems. Lin is dissatisfied because she can’t feel a true sense of speed as a human? Talk about first world problems. Speaking of which, where the fuck has Lin been lately? Apparently, Zin is cool enough to tag along with Amara and Moco, but not Lin, huh? But I digress. Finally, Ai… Ai’s problem is that she’s a former orphan, so she has abandonment issues? Still, she was one step away from being an idol! Life can’t be that bad! Uguu, you don’t understand! My fans will abandon me! As a result, I gotta kill every single person on this planet!
What a disappointing battle between Daichi and Baku, too. Daichi was losing… until he just suddenly wins out of nowhere. No, really. Yeah, yeah, Baku isn’t as strong anymore since he doesn’t have anyone to protect, but it’s pretty silly for the fight to turn on a dime. Our hero is getting knocked around like a chump just to suddenly kick Baku’s ass at the last second. Oh, okay. There are some other minor stuff in the episode, but they’re not too terribly important. Daichi, Teppei, and Rita discuss how natural the Livlasters feel in the boys’ hands. Neat. As for Akari and Hana, they are hardly even in this week’s episode. They have some lines, but they don’t do anything. Literally nothing. Even when the boys go to stake out the underground arena a second time, the girls didn’t bother to come along. But don’t you worry, because Akari will finally put her talents to good use in next week’s episode! The previews suggest that a small portion of next week’s episode will take us to the beach, and isn’t that just swell? And of course, Akari’s the one to suggest the vacation!
This is it. This is the final Byrnhildr in the Darkness episode. Let us see this anime off properly.
– So first things first, the Hexenjagd fellas have given up hope and are just content to sit there and pray to God. Meanwhile, Neko and Kazumi knock Ryota out with a big, brown stick they’ve managed to find on the ground, I guess. They don’t want the bland harem lead to risk his life here even though he’s been risking his life all series long for his girls. But when the entire world’s at stake, THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE, HAREM LEAD. THIS IS WHERE! Plus, we all know Kazumi and Neko are just Dumb and Dumber, so this doesn’t sound like a hot idea any way you look at it.
– So according to Chisato, this stupid Ain Soph Aur thing has the ability to reset all life on this planet, and as a result, whoever came up with this mechanism must be the planet’s true god. I’m sure there’s more to the concept of god than this, but whatever, let’s just grant it for the sake of the argument. Plus, it gets even nuttier: the idiots in the Vingulf organization want to recreate these extraterrestrials so they can, uh, become the planet’s true rulers. Why exactly do we want to be ruled by these assholes? Why do we even want to be ruled at all? Oh well… Chisato makes the idea sound cool for a brief moment: “In other words, rejecting the God we’ve worshipped up to now: killing God.” But think about it practically for a moment. We’re going to recreate an alien race that we don’t understand psychologically, and this alien race has the ability to wipe us out. Why are we doing this? Hurr, because they are the true rulers of the planet! All of these smart scientists gathered around a bunch of alien ruins a hundred years ago and came up with this brilliant plan. Or rather, some shitty writer thinks a bunch of intelligent scientists would gather around a bunch of alien ruins and come with this shitty plan, thereby insulting the intelligence of scientists everywhere. Yeah, I think the latter makes more sense.
– Kotori intends to eject herself to protect all of humanity. That’s nice… just do it, then. No, really, just do it.
But nope, Kotori keeps talking and talking and talking. Y’see, she has to explain to the bad guys — and therefore, the audience — what she plans to do and what she hopes to accomplish in doing so: “If I melt to death, both the light and the sky and the drasil should disappear.” Naw, the bad guys don’t know that already! That’s why it has to be explained to them! And it’s not like time is of the essence or anything.
– Chisato insults the girl for sacrificing her own life for the sake of humanity. Uh, she’s going to die either way. She may as well pick and choose how her death affects the world. Sounds like you’re the fool…
– Motherfucker, Kotori is still talking: “Is it so strange to do something for someone else?” Who the fuck cares what Chisato thinks?
– Finally, she presses the button to eject herself. See ya, Kotori. You offered nothing to this anime but extra ditziness on top of Neko’s utter stupidity. And oh yeah, how can we forget her large boobs? Without them, whose boobs would the other girls molest instead? Whose?!
– But really, Kotori’s dead so this upcoming battle between the rest of the witches and Valkyria seems kind of… pointless. In the short term, the fate of the world is no longer at stake. We’re just going to fight Valkyria because the anime needs a final boss fight, I guess.
– Oh wait, Kotori can’t go yet until the harem lead offically sees her off. Ryota finally wakes up from his little nap and makes his way to the enemy base. There, he finds Kotori still alive, but barely holding on by a thread.
Au contraire, Ryota-kun. There is always time to teehee. But good, now that Ryota’s here, we can have a shitty montage about all the fun times they’ve shared. Like stargazing and going to the beach. I JUST WANT TO BE A NORMAL GIRL, AND I GOT TO BE ONE, YAY!
Anime has constantly exoticized the shoujo for decades, using the female gender as nothing more than a tool to make our mundane world seem more exciting. Look at me, I’m the bland shounen who is average in every fucking way. Won’t a magical girl thus fall into my lap and turn my world upside down? It’ll make up for both our lack of distinct personalities. Once it has become so ingrained in our heads, however, that shoujos are automatically magical — that they serve as nothing more than a catalyst for the shounen’s heroic journey — people now suddenly think it’s subversion to turn around and ask, “Gosh, what if magical girls just want to be… themselves and not magical?” Man, here’s an idea: don’t make them magical.
Just imagine if there was a show in which the asshole harem lead kept expecting his female classmates to be witches and shit, but it turns out he’s just a delusional loser who expects girls to complete his boring, mundane life. Girls are not concepts. They have their own fucked up problems. Too bad we’re often too busy assigning them ours to see them as anything more than mahou shoujos, which is, more or less, a concept. Then when a mediocre show about a normal girl comes along — like maybe she’s just an aspiring fashion designer — it is so shocking to everyone that they cream their pants and immediately crown it the best anime of the year. It happens all the time, and god, it is so sad to see.
– Anyway, Kotori is aware that she’s Chisato’s imouto, but she just hid it from him. ‘Cause he’s a lunatic. She nevertheless has one last request, and that is for Ryota to tell her brother not to hurt anyone else. Somehow, I don’t think a lunatic is going to give up his life mission just like that…
– Out of nowhere, we see a scene in which Kogoro has accomplished a breakthrough in replicating the pills that the witches need. I’m not sure why this scene is placed here in the middle of everything. It adds nothing to the current situation, and as a result, you could just stick it at the end as an aside without interrupting the pacing.
– Next up, Ryota holds Kazumi’s severed body in his arms. So is this going to be a Dead Witches Tour or what? One tearful conversation after the other with my poor, dying mahou shoujos! Boy, they certainly do add that special touch of tragedy to my journey! If… if only they got to be normal girls…
– So in her last moments — after Ryota has departed the scene, of course — Kazumi goes on and on about how she wanted to have his babies, how she’s going to die a virgin, and how she at least got to fall in love. Yay, everything is about her sexuality or the main character! She epitomizes the concept of the average shoujo in any given anime series. She exists within the story only for the sexual organs she possesses, and how she might affect the hero’s life, positively or negatively. We reduce these girls down to a concept, then we have them beg to become normal. It’s almost cruel when you put it that way.
– Now, at the very last minute, we get Valkyria’s backstory. I just don’t care.
– If Valkyria’s not going to kill Neko, Chisato will just have to do it himse-… FLYING SHOUNEN KICK:
– Oh man, the bland harem lead will never forgive the lunatic bad guy. Whatever will the lunatic bad guy do! Oh right…
– Our hero tells Chisato all about Kotori’s last words, but as predicted, he’s a bad guy so why would he stop now? He could just redo his experiments. Way to think things through, guys.
– Valkyria finally lifts her finger in the bland harem lead’s direction, but even though she can conjure up antimatter and just antimatter from nowhere — conservation of mass be damned – she’ll just shock our hero instead. As always, everyone else dies instantly, but the main character gets to bide his time with a long, painful death. In reality, the animators merely shake Ryota’s cel really furiously. Quality animation.
– What do you do when the final boss is immeasurably stronger than you?! You literally press the plot button and become magically stronger than her! Even so, the harem lead doth protest: “No, Kuroha. Don’t do it!” Yes, don’t try and save our lives! Don’t try and stop the evil witch and her keeper from possibly endangering other lives as well! ‘Cause you might melt or something, and even though you’re going to die anyway if you don’t do anything because Chisato was going to eject you just moments ago, gosh, you might melt. Wait, isn’t Ryota supposed to be the smart one of the group?
– So Kana shows up just in time. Remember? We learned a long time ago that she wasn’t permanently paralyzed. Apparently, she has to trade in her mobility in order to keep using her crappy foresight ability. Still, mobile or not, I’m amazed she got here in such a short time. Didn’t the good guys have to come here by helicopter? I guess she alternates between being the Flash and a crappy psychic.
– And now we get Kana’s backstory. Fuck man, it’s too late. I don’t care anymore. Let’s pad this shit with needless flashbacks so we can extend the story and sell more of it. Except, however, this is an adaptation with a set amount of episodes allotted to it, so it just feels like the show is wasting precious time.
– And of course, Kana has to explain to us what she’s done. ‘Cause, y’know, we can’t figure it out for ourselves.
– Even in this desperate moment, Ryota insists, “Don’t do it, Kuroha!” What an asshole. Or an idiot. Or both.
– Finally, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for: SSJ Neko. Not only that, her memories have returned. Yay, let’s have this conversation now while the bad guys look on! But hey, we did the same thing last episode, so why wouldn’t we do it again? Shitty stories never change.
– Ryota: “There’s… so much I want to say to you…” Sure, why don’t we hash it out here right now! Therefore, more flashbacks!
– In the end, this is what the final boss fight amounts to:
No wonder they had to pad this shit out with boring flashbacks, because the actual fight itself is even more boring. We’ve gone from wacky witches shooting lasers out of their mouths to two girls just shooting beams at light at each other. I guess writing the dialogue for all of these tearful exchanges in the final episode sapped the author of his creative juices.
– The Hexenjagd jerks finally show up fashionably late in order to rain bullets onto Valkyria, but then Chisato jumps in front of her. Awwww! He does care! Hey look, Valkyria is now busy having her tearful exchange with Chisato. Boy, it’d be a shame if someone suddenly decided to shoot the distracted girl, huh? But nah, we’re just gonna sit here and watch as she recovers, flies herself into the air, and swears to the destroy the whole world.
– Finally, Valkyria pulls out her antimatter ability out of her bag of tricks, but it’s okay, because Neko can destroy it! Well, y’know, the antimatter should be currently reacting to the regular matter all around it and thus destroy itself, but this is anime, blah blah blah… Alright, so how’s Neko going to save the day?
…
– But before we save the day, Neko gives our hero a kiss and confesses that she had always planned to do that as a kid. Uh-huh, tell me more. It’s not like we have pressing matters or anything.
Wow, what a shocker!
– Neko then flies at Valkyria and then…
I don’t know… something happened. This flash of light is all we get to see though. Sure enough, a micro black hole shows up later, but we don’t even get a good look at it. Good final boss fight, guys.
– Somehow — just somehow — Neko leaves the aftermath of that giant explosion and floats back to the ground. But then the ground breaks off, echoing that fateful day from their childhood. Ryota has one more chance to correct his previous mistake and save the girl he loves! Everything comes full circle. That’s deep, Lynn Okamoto. Very deep.
– This time, Ryota manages to save Neko, but she’s lost her memories again. We’re starting back at square one. Haha, of course. Real relationships are scary. Let’s just wipe the slate clean and never be in an actual romance. And just like that, the anime is over. On the bright side, we won’t have to see these two idiots rebuild their relationship. On an even brighter side, it seems as though Kazumi is dead for go–…
Haha, nope. I’m sure Hatsuna saved her or some bullshit explanation like that. That’s why she gets to replace Kotori. After all, Kotori was never in love with the harem lead, so we sure fixed that!
– Final thoughts? F-plus. The plus is for how the anime can be so dumb, sometimes it is almost entertainingly dumb. But make no doubts about it, Brynhildr in the Darkness is an incredibly dumb story full of dumb characters, and I sure am glad I won’t have to watch another second of it.
Oh boy, it’s Moe Sucks’ 1000th post extravanganza! And what do you guys win? A wrap-up of Spring’s worst series! Congrats!
– The dumbest thing about Takuto’s betrayal isn’t even the fact that he’s dooming himself and the rest of Tokyo in order to get his revenge on Rentaro. After all, maybe the guy is deranged. Unlikely, but if that’s the case, then why would he give a shit about himself or Tokyo? Rather, what’s utterly retarded is that he’s managed to convince other people to help him. One deranged individual? Sure. A bunch of them agreeing to doom themselves for one man’s mad quest for vengeance? Yeah… But it’s evident Black Bullet cares more about the twist than anything else. Just the fact that Takuto could show up and sabotage the entire operation is all the story cares about! Likewise, how plausible is it that Kagetane would now be working with the good guys? Not very, but the twist! The twist of him showing up out of nowhere to save Rentaro’s life! A story that relies on such cheap tricks for thrills is, well, cheap itself. By the way, the guy doesn’t even show up again for the rest of the story. Good stuff.
– Oh dear, what are we to do without any light? Out of nowhere, a bunch of floating lanterns descend from the sky and illuminate the area. These things are from the citizens of Tokyo, apparently. Even Cursed Children are amongst them. Don’t you just wanna go “Awwww!” at the sight of everyone working together in a crisis! They’re sending their hope Rentaro’s way (barf). Too bad the logistics don’t make very much sense. You’re telling me that people all sat together and gathered a bunch of material to make these floating lanterns? Yeah, I don’t know about that. And how are they floating? On another note, I thought only a select few were chosen to be saved. But, again, there are Cursed Children in this scene so who even knows anymore.
– Rentaro: “We will now commence operation ‘Rapier’s Thrust!’” Uh, poor choice of words for a show that sexualizes lolis…
– So the battle is finally underway, and you’d think our characters would wear more combat-suitable clothing. Ah, but don’tcha know? A skintight seifuku is the best outfit to fight in.
– It’s one parade of allies as Rentaro’s friends conveniently show up one-by-one to help him and Enju reach their destination.
– The bomb has been planted. I repeat: the bomb has been planted! Oh wait, we’re only seven and a half minutes into this episode! The bomb will fail. I repeat: the bomb will fail!
– Time for the main character to make a heroic sacrifice. He gives Enju a tearful goodbye, then knocks her out with a punch to the stomach. Uh, I don’t think it’s that easy. Yeah, you’ll knock the wind out of people by hitting their solar plexus, but c’mon. Why would she faint? But apparently, everything can be solved by punching, because our hero’s going to punch Aldebaran hard enough in the hopes that he’ll re-trigger the bomb.
– But don’t you worry about your heartstrings! Even in Enju’s sleep, she’ll whisper Rentaro’s name softly!
– Aldebaran finally remembers it can spew “Varanium-corroding fluid,” which takes out Rentaro’s special leg. It looks as though our hero has failed. Luckily, good ol’ Shoma-nii has shown up in order to sacrifice his life. Oh, the twists and turns of this narrative. Rentaro doth protest: “No! You’ll die!” Uh, which is exactly what you were aiming to do just moments ago?
– Even though Shoma’s power is the ability to destroy someone from in the inside, he still just punches Aldebaran. And that’s how the final fight comes to an end. What a failure of the imagination.
– And that’s that. What a lame final battle. Rentaro looks back at his troops and goes, “Is this… all that’s left?” But I like how the only important person to die is Shoma, who also willingly chose to die. War is so neat and tidy.
– Ugh, there’s still 10 minutes left in the episode. What on earth is left for the episode to cover?
– Well, Kisara confronts her older brother, who had commissioned the previous shoddy monolith. As a result, he’s the one responsible for the countless deaths in our latest conflict. Alright. Let’s use our evidence to bring him to trial… No, actually, I think we’ll have a duel to the death instead–… wait, what? But ugh, who even cares anymore? The big bad threat is over. Nothing is at stake for the viewers. I hardly know who Kazumitsu is, so I hardly give a shit that he’ll get his comeuppance at Kisara’s hands.
– Kazumitsu sure can talk rather coherently even though one of his legs has been chopped off, and he is likely bleeding out from the wound or going into shock from the pain.
– Of course, Kikunojo is linked to the crappy monolith. Of course, there’s a huge conspiracy surrounding the deaths of Kisara’s parents. The darkness of the Tendo clan! Sigh. Again, why on earth are we hearing this now after the series is just about over? Maybe the show wants to tease a sequel, but this just seems like poor pacing to me.
– Even better, Kisara reveals that she had cleaved her brother right in half:
Somehow, it was just delayed! So really, the guy kept talking even though he had suffered such an injury! Very impressive!
– Meanwhile, Kisara is utterly gleeful that she has killed one of the people responsible for her parents’ deaths. This is how Black Bullet wants to end? On some weird note where Kisara cruelly murders a guy? Instead of devoting any attention to humanity’s final battle, we’re instead watching some twisted form of justice being carried out. Man, who the fuck worked on this adaptation’s storyboards? “And then after everyone is happy that the big, bad Aldebaran has died, we’ll have Rentaro’s primary love interest go semi-psycho and murder someone in cold-blood. Rentaro and Kisara will then argue over it! Yeah, this is the best way to cap this series off!”
– Kisara calls herself evil then walks away from both Rentaro and the lolis. Rentaro tells the girls that they may have just become enemies. Okaaaaay… First, Rentaro goes all fascist on everyone as a military leader, and now this.
– Anyway, Seitenshi gives a crappy speech about lifting the burden on the Cursed Children. Afterwards, Rentaro and Enju share a moment on a train where our hero sobs into her lap. H-he doesn’t want his loli to ever leave his side! And with that, Black Bullet is over.
– Final thoughts? Like a lot of shows lately, there’s always potential for something passably entertaining. I mean, c’mon, humanity is on the ropes, and the enemy are giant, monstrous beasts that our heroes can hardly comprehend. The premise is pretty much nothing original, but you could still do something decent with it. Actually, how can you even mess it up? Action and monsters. Just doing it competently would get you at least an average score. Hell, the whole series is rather Attack on Titan-ish if you think about it. So maybe that’s why we needed to add a twist. Maybe that’s why we needed something to help Black Bullet stand out on its own. I know! Let’s add lolis!
I swear, half of these shows would be decent if you could just kill off anime’s obsession with lolis. I don’t enjoy Attack on Titan for various reasons, but I can at least respect it as a grim, serious work about humanity’s struggle to survive against a force of nature. Most of all, it had no lolis. Black Bullet takes the same idea, but then a loli pops out and goes, “HELLO I’M HERE TO RUIN DA SHOW.” Then you’re just like, “Holy fuck, kill me now.” Even better is when the anime tries to make you feel bad for the lolis with some very shitty depiction of discrimination. What truly takes the cake, however, is how sexualized these lolis are. Lolis are humanity’s last hope? Whatever. Lolis are being discriminated against? Pretty emotionally manipulative, but oh well. The lolis all want to marry the main character when they grow up because they’ve become dependent upon him? Alright, fuck you too, Black Bullet. Final grade? F-minus.
After thirteen arduous weeks, we’re finally going to see off the final harem of the season. In fact, let this be Spring ’14′s last post ever (continuing series don’t count). Keep reading to see how anime Neo and his haremettes will save the day.
– Souta makes the mistake of asking why everyone had come to help him. Whoops. Each and every single one of his haremettes will now utter a single line to express why they’re here. All those girls and not a single one of them could offer up anything remotely interesting or original to justify their existence. Ah well, I guess that’s why they’ve been doomed to a harem anime.
– The last episode is absolutely grating, actually. The bad guys do something shocking (not really), so the anime has to cut to every single one of these girls so that we can hear them gasp. Yo, I can assume that if one haremette gasp, so will the rest of them.
– Yeah, the sinking cruiser from Souta’s past starts levitating into the air and becomes…
…the Angel Boat. No, really, that’s what we’re officially calling it. Hmm, it kinda looks like the Enterprise if you squint your eyes. Even if none of this is serious, however, it’s just not funny. Rather, it’s a cringeworthy attempt no matter how you shake it. A joke? This is a pretty bad joke. A serious final boss? You actually can’t be serious, right?
– So the big bad boss fires its laser at Souta’s girls, and they all blow up. Souta is thus by himself all over again. Gee, how much time do we have left in the episode? Too much time left. So I guess it’s time for a flashback!
– Guys, guys, Souta and his haremettes all met each other on the cruise ship. But because of an accident on the boat, he had to absorb their death flags — hey, stop laughing! — in order to save their lives. That’s why no one remembers each other at all! Even better, in this flashback, a Sakura-lookalike introduced herself as Laplace’s Demon. That’s right, the deterministic concept that if you know the location and momentum of every atom in the universe, you can also determine where the atoms were in the past as well as where they will be in the future. What does this have to do with a harem anime? Well, you have event flags and shit… and that’s kind of deterministic. Shh, we’re trying to be deep and profound here. Stop ruining it for us!
– In the flashback, Souta sees and saves a trapped man, but as soon as he does so, he himself ends up getting trapped under some fallen debris. The man he had saved then runs off to find some help, but I guess he takes his sweet time doing so. As a result, our hero despairs and doubts his faith in humanity… only for the man return with his haremettes! Ho ho ho, the nature of man is good after all. Unfortunately, a flaming pillar decides to come crashing down on everyone at this very moment. Souta then absorb his friends’ death flags as I’ve previously mentioned in the preceding bullet point. After that, the rest is, well, history.
– Yeah, this is the same show with all the silly harem antics. No, we haven’t suddenly switched out the anime with something more serious and grim. Someone wrote all of this into a single light novel series and decided, “Yeah, I’ve crafted a great tale.”
– But still, our harem lead can’t quite reach the final boss! Minna~! Lend Souta your power!
Yeah, it’s a blurry shot, but it’s also the best shot I could manage. Anyway, I don’t even know what to say about this. It’s like a haremette spirit bomb. In the end, Souta and his girls manage to puncture a hole through the Angel Boat, and that saves the day… somehow. There’s no exciting choreography or anything. The final battle is over just like that. Afterwards, Souta wakes up in his own bed. Number Zero assures him that this is now the real world. Uh-huh.
– So what are the Sacrament and Laplace’s Demon? Just two lolis, right? Nah, they’re “the emotions that the Angel Boat discarded upon its rebellion against humanity.”
– Number Zero takes off her mask to reveal that she is none other than Nanami. Wait, no, it’s just someone who looks a whole lot like Nanami: her mother! And thus, it’s Souta’s mother. ‘Cause that’s how genetics work. Nanami ends up looking exactly like her own mother, but Souta is completely, utterly different.
– As one final gift to her son, she tells him that none of his haremettes will remember their experiences within the virtual world, including his sister.
Yeah, fuck you, kid!
– But really? None of the haremettes will remember Souta? Oh, we’ll see about that, old lady who looks like my loli-ish sister even though you’re my mom.
– Afterwards, Souta goes to his new home in Quest Dormitory. There, he meets Akane, but of course, she doesn’t recognize him… at first. Naturally, the same lame accident that had occurred in the first episode occurs again now in the real world. Souta saves Akane, who then suddenly remembers who he is! Wowie wow! Take that, hahaoya!
– So uh… what on earth was this anime trying to be? I guess it wanted to have both stupid, generic harem hijinks as well as a serious story. The end result, however, is that the “serious” story becomes incredibly rushed. Seriously, if you added up all the actual plot-advancing scenes, you might be left with, hm, maybe two episodes of content at most? Meanwhile, the rest of the show, i.e. the other 11 goddamn episodes, is full of stupid bullshit like this:
So why? Why even bother? Why not just do one thing passably decent instead of two things horribly? A while back, there was another show I had covered in Harem Hill. I don’t remember its name anymore, but it also tried to mix stupid, generic harem hijinks with thriller-ish elements about a school election. And y’know, there was potentially an interesting story there, but at the end of the day, you still had to dig through the stupid, generic harem hijinks to get to it. Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara is like that anime’s lamer cousin. The stupid, generic harem hijinks are worse than ever — with haremettes that are dumber than ever — but the story underneath is somehow worse. At best, it’s a shitty sci-fi ripoff about yet another renegade AI. You could certainly develop that idea into something interesting, but not when you only give it two episodes worth of actual runtime. But even if the underlying plot was any good, it boggles the mind that storytellers don’t seem to realize the shit that they’re doing to their own stories. It’s like taking an A5 Kobe beef, then slathering the whole thing with ketchup. Someone out there will undoubtedly say, “But I like my steaks with ketchup.” Uh-huh, just like someone out there likes their stories with stupid, generic harem hijinks.
– But that’s it for the Spring season. Nisekoi was the best harem to mock, but then again, this is true of most popular series. Seikoku no Dragonar was definitely the worst of the three. As for Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara… well, it tried to stand out, but it will likely be the least memorable of the three. In any case, that’s it for Harem Hill for now… it may return in a couple weeks for the Summer season, but people have lately been complaining about the perceived laziness of these posts, so we’ll just wait and see.
Well, I never did get around to watching the first season of Free! Nevertheless, it did win the poll, so I’ll do what I’ve got to do… to a point. If the anime somehow turns out to be the most boring thing ever (which Kyoto Animation shows are wont to do), I won’t hesitate to drop it. For what it’s worth, however, I suppose I’d rather watch this than DRAMAtical Murder, which looked kind of skeevy when I did my cursory research for the summer preview post. In any case, it’ll take me some time to pick up the finer details I’ve missed out on since I never saw the first season, i.e. the various interpersonal relationships between the characters, their different personalities, etc. I will also go into this show rather clueless in another way: I don’t know a single thing about swimming. So who knows? Maybe the series can even be illuminating in that department. So with that out of the way, I suppose it’s time to get started.
Like I’ve said, I never watched the first season of Free! I think I got through at least the first episode, but I wasn’t in an anime-watching mood back then. As a result, I never stuck with it along with a lot of other shows from back then. If Eternal Summer‘s first episode is any indication, however, I doubt I had missed much of anything, to be quite frank. It is early, but so far, Free! seems to be one of those slice-of-life series where, well, nothing really happens. And obviously, things happen, but I’m referring to something more than that. I’m talking about drama. The set-up is rather familiar. One fancy school. One not-so-fancy school. One school with lots of recruits. One school hard-pressed to recruit anyone. Still, our underdogs at the not-so-fancy school will “Ganbatte!” it up. After all, if they don’t manage to increase the size of their club, the administration will dissolve it, blah blah blah. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before. Despite the familiar set-up, however, there is hardly any conflict to be found in the first episode.
The two clubs from the two rival schools are way too friendly with each other. Even the rivalry between Haru and Rin is jovial as shit and rather one-sided to boot. How can there be a rivalry if one of the rivals barely even cares about it? Basically, there isn’t a single meanstreak in the entire anime. Even the need for the Iwatobi Swim Club to recruit members or potentially face dissolution seems to lack any sort of urgency. Everyone is just happy-go-lucky, and as such, the anime seems to lack much of a story. It’s just cute boys doing things, and, well, that has often been Kyoto Animation’s schtick, isn’t it? Not so much the cute boys part, but cute anything doing anything has generally been their calling card. But drawing me in with a compelling story, however… well, dot-dot-dot is about all I can really say. But anyway, without conflict, the first episode also lacks drama.
I’m not referring to the overly exaggerated sort of drama that one might typically find between teenagers (though to be fair, this is a show about teenagers). Rather, I’m referring to drama in a general sense: “Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.” I think Hitchcock said that, and pardon me for appealing to authority, but I bet he knows a thing or two about drama. Unfortunately, the only drama to be found here is all located in the boys’ carefully chiseled bodies. Seriously, the only life you’ll find in this episode is when the cast members dramatically fling off their jumpsuits. If there is such a thing as the female gaze, then you might find an example of it here. The way the camera is positioned as Haru slowly pulls himself out of the water, the way the water drips off of his skin pulled tautly over his muscles, the way the camera finally settles upon his posterior for just a second, but oh does it nevertheless feels like an eternity… Free! knows which side its bread is buttered, that’s for sure.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. And certainly, I’ve seen far worse in other shows. At least clothes are falling off of these boys of their own volition. At least the boys aren’t randomly drowning, necessitating Go to valiantly jump into the pool in order to save them. At least the only liquid covering them is H2O and nothing more. Still, I only wish the show would take the same passion that it pours into the boys’ bodies and stick some of it into the story. No, there’s no need to take the passion away from the revelatory nature of their bodies. Instead, why can’t we have both? All that I can see in the first episode, however, is some flaccid comedy mixed in with a bunch of saccharine feel-good moments (a pool filled with cherry blossoms!). Well, here’s another quote for good measure: “Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.”
It’s not that I want the characters to go around screaming “Fuck your mother!” at each other. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily want animosity between them. Still, I just want the first episode to display any sort of passion that isn’t pure, unadulterated joy. Passion comes in so many forms, but all I see here is happiness. I’m not asking for the story to emotionally torture these boys, but c’mon, the first episode is one-note as fuck. Last season’s Ping Pong set the bar. It showed us that sports anime could run the gamut of emotions. Not a single character in that series was wasted. Every single character had a richness of depth that I had never seen in any other sports anime. Most of all, the show displayed passion in its many different forms. Joy, excitement, determination, resiliency, despair, hopefulness… the list goes on. With Eternal Summer‘s first episode, there seems to be only one emotion to feel: happiness. And if you don’t feel it, you’re bound to be bored as fuck.
Alright, alright, time for me to pull back a little bit. This is, after all, just the first episode. Of course, if you’re not going to start grabbing the audience’s attention right from the get-go, then what are you waiting for? But who knows! Maybe Eternal Summer will eventually build up to something compelling. After all, there’s plenty of time for the anime to prove me wrong. Given Kyoto Animation’s track record, however, I won’t hold my breath. Still, fair’s fair, so I’ll stick around for the requisite three episodes.
![Futsuu no Joshikousei ga [Locodol] Yattemita](http://moesucks.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/futsuu-no-joshikousei-ga-locodol-yattemita.jpg?w=248&h=352)
