This may or may not be the last dedicated post that this anime gets. If something turns out to be more interesting in the upcoming slate of Summer shows, I may just relegate M3 to the weekly “Everything Else” catch-all post that I like to do. But I mean, it wouldn’t be much of a loss, would it? We’ve gotten through the entire Spring season, and M3 has yet to deliver the goods. Right from the very start of this week’s episode, Mahmu goes on and on about the red color of the moon, surely a terrible portent of things to come. I get it; we’re establishing the mood! The problem, of course, is that M3 has been establishing the mood for the past three months. When are we going to stop establishing the mood? But enough about that. Let’s get into the latest episode.

– Oh, now Iwato is mad about Natsuiri and what the mad scientist has been doing. I doubt his newfound gumption will amount to much of anything, though. But y’know, he’s paired with Raika, right? Between the two of them, who do you think is more disposable? In other words, who would we kill so that the other person gets to have their own very special mecha? I’m thinking Raika has been a more prominent character in the story so far — granted, not by much — so I’d watch who you piss off, Iwato-kun…

– Raika confesses that she’s too scared to do anything. So… why stick around? I mean, it’s not like she actually gets to do anything but be an observer on the sidelines. If the situation is so scary and you’re not even needed, then why not extricate yourself from it?

– As I’m sure you’re all well aware of, Sasame’s body is slowly turning into Necrometal. Her teammates don’t know this, though. Of course, Natsuiri could just ask the girl to reveal the truth to the rest of the world. But why ask nicely when you could just rip her blouse off right there on the spot, revealing her Necrometal cleavage to the entire room?

– So we’ve had a pervy instructor, a potential rapist in Heito (who knows what he did to Emiru that night?), and now this. What’s the takeaway? Apparently, blouses are made of tissue paper. Or maybe the coffee-chugging mad scientist is just super strong. Either way…

– Literally, a long silence passes by as everyone stares at Sasame and her Necrometallizing body in shock. But wait, wait, let’s hear what the narrator has to say: “A long silence passed.” Well, that’s a relief. I wasn’t sure how to interpret this awkward cessation of visual and auditory change in the anime, but thankfully, Okada is kind enough to tell me what to think.

– So in the immediate following scene, we see Iwato shooting some hoops. Okay then… Anyway, he and Raika talk about their ignorance, their fears, etc. Eventually, Iwato confesses that he’s glad that the two of them are synchronized. Somehow, he also ends up calling her beautiful. God, I hope one of them turns into a LIM. At this point, I’ve long given up on these characters. Okada has failed to get me to care about them after an entire cour, so I’m just going to start hoping for their hilarious deaths.

– Then we cut to Mahmu being weird and antisocial–… y’know, what she’s always been since the show started. She seems to think whatever she writes down in her notebook comes true, but with a twist. So she’s crying because this isn’t how she wanted Emiru to stay alive. In any case, a scene that should be powerful ends up feeling hollow because Mahmu is poorly developed, and Emiru has all but disappeared as a character in the past few weeks. I mean, sure, she appeared as a ghost to briefly speak with the main character in last week’s episode, but still, it’s rather hard to get emotionally invested when the depth of these two girls are as ethereal as Emiru’s current existence.

– We’re going through the pairings or non-pairings one-by-one, I guess, so next up is Minashi and Sasame. Ever contrived in his enigmaticness, Minashi mutters that they both knew this day would come. As a result, he stands up and tries to plant a big fat one on Sasame. Yes, that sounds like a swell idea. Did the mad scientist just humiliate you by stripping you down to your bra in front of your teammates? Well, let’s get romantic, baybee! C’mon, give ol’ Minashi a chu~ In the end, they end up bumping foreheads, so I’m sure some of you are like, “Hah! He didn’t want to kiss her! He just wanted to link brains with her like some weird alien species.” Well, if that was really the case, why did he purse his lips and close his eyes as he leaned in? Oh, is that just the anime trying to throw us off? Well, I wouldn’t put it past Okada…

– Anyway, a series of ritualistic images flood Sasame’s mind as a result of this… brain-link, but y’know, there’s not much to say about these images ’cause they have no context. At the same time, however, weird Japanese villages and their bizarre practices leading to something monstrous or unnatural have been a pretty big mainstay in Japanese horror stories across all mediums. Off the top of my head, I instantly think of the Siren video game series. I quite liked their gameplay, in fact, and I’m a little disappointed we haven’t seen a sequel since Siren: Blood Curse. But I digress. My point is that while we don’t really understand what these images are, it’s probably nothing original as far as anime is concerned. M3 can feel free to prove me wrong.

– Last but not least, let’s see what our main character is up to! Oh good, he’s kicking over a chair. From one angsty teenager moment to another, huh? He’s mad that Sasame didn’t tell him about her Necrometallizing condition, but I don’t know, man. You gotta admit you’re not exactly the easiest person to open up to. Remember the whole Emiru thing? Yeaaaaaaah… Plus, every time Kasane wanted to talk to him about his brother, Akashi threw an angry bitchfit about it. Let’s face it: the main character’s a dick, so I have no clue why anyone would love him, much less his teammates.

– Through Akashi’s memories, we see how the rest of the meeting with Natsuiri might’ve unfolded. I only say “might’ve” because memories are unreliable and I feel like being pedantic today. Anyway, as expected, Sasame runs off all embarrassed and whatnot, and Akashi turns his attention to the mad scientist. But I can’t take this shit seriously. It’s just the dialogue, man. Damn me? No, DAMN YOU!

– So Natsuiri ends up playing them for fools, claiming that if they can defeat the Corpse, he might be able to “do more research on that Corpse,” and therefore, “find a way to stop the progression of [Sasame's] Necrometal.” Based on what, though? What current evidence even remotely suggests that defeating the Corpse will somehow help them cure Sasame of her bizarre disease? Like I’ve said, Natsuiri are playing these kids for chumps, but hey, it works. Akashi swears he’ll crush the Corpse. It’ll be a regular ol Corpse party.

– Eventually, our hero leaves his room and conveniently runs into Sasame. She has set up shop on a patio as she intends to sleep under the stars tonight. It feels like one of those things you’d do if you’ve given up hope, and sure enough, the girl has seemingly resigned herself to the fact that she’ll soon become a LIM one day. But hey, she’ll be able to help the rest of the team by becoming a mecha component! What anime girl doesn’t want to be the disembodied voice from within the machine?

– Sasame claims she’s “never felt the emotion of happiness” until she came to live here with the rest of the team. Riiiiight. All her life, she has never felt any shred of happiness until now. I mean, sure, it’s possible that she may have had a shitty childhood before the start of this series, but that just leads us to another point: we don’t know anything about these characters! Out of nowhere, Sasame hints that she’s lived a shitty life up until now. ‘Cause c’mon, if you’ve never felt happiness before in your entire life, you must have lived a pretty shitty life. In any case, this is not a revelation that should be casually mentioned in a conversation. Rather, this is what our reaction should be: “Holy shit, you’ve never felt happiness before? Wow, that’s messed up.” But for M3, it’s just “Ho-hum, being with your tomodachis is the only time you’ve ever been happy, so let’s just emphasize that and address none of the questions that are naturally raised as a result of said revelation.” I’m actually beginning to enjoy the anime, but not in the typical, straightforward fashion that one might expect. Rather, I’m enjoying M3 because it’s such a great example of everything that is wrong with serious anime storytelling.

– Our hero decides to turn the tables on Sasame. If she doesn’t want to save herself, then save him! If she gives up her life, his heart–… no, his kokoro will never be the same again! Gasp, won’t anybody think of los kokorones! Actually, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I’m just combining languages now because, well, it’s just hard to take this show seriously anymore.

– Akashi sees his reflection in a nearby clock, and is thus scared out of his mind at the fact that he happens to be smiling during this sad, tearful moment. Sasame says, however, that he’s actually crying. Man, c’mon, the two expressions of emotions aren’t even that diametrically opposed. I know what the story’s trying to do here. He’s smiling, but he’s also crying! How paradoxical! Has Akashi thus gone off his rockers? But smiling and laughing aren’t uncommon responses to stress: “Neuroscientist Vilayanur S. Ramachandran states ‘We have nervous laughter because we want to make ourselves think what horrible thing we encountered isn’t really as horrible as it appears, something we want to believe.’” Sorry, M3, but you’re going to have to try a little harder. But oh well, Akashi gets to spend the night buried in Sasame’s half-metal chest as she comforts him, so I guess he wins out in the end.

– We see some flashback involving Akashi’s parents. Apparently, when he had gotten lost that time, he was actually lost in the Lightless Realm. Anyway, he says something about how crying doesn’t get you what you want, so he subconsciously tried to stop crying. He comes to the conclusion that this is why he smiled when he first heard his brother had died. But anyways, the guy finally admits to himself that he was actually sad at that very moment. Oh well, no big surprise here; the main character is no weird sicko like Heito. He just didn’t have a good handle of his emotions.

– More pointless narration. Naw, I didn’t realize that these two had just shared a tender moment. Please, tell me more about it. A lot of times, narration is just an example of pure laziness. Any idiot can write narration to explain the thoughts of the characters. What this tells me instead is that we’ve given up on trying to convey these characters’ emotions in less direct means. It’s too hard! Too much work! Or maybe the audience is too stupid to realize that Akashi and Sasame would never want their tender moment to end! As a result, let’s have some disembodied voice spell everything out instead.

– The next day, Sasame wakes up to find that she had slept all night in the upright position. That couldn’t have been very comfortable. Also, Akashi is nowhere to be found, but eh, fuck him. Minashi is here to creep things up a bit, though! First, isn’t it convenient that he happened to have walked by just as she woke up? It could be that synchronization thing that brought him here. Or more likely, he’s been standing there beneath the patio waiting for her to wake up. Told ya he’s creepy. Not only that, he might be somewhat jealous of the ever-increasing closeness between Sasame and Akashi. Looks like this love triangle could slowly morph a love polygon. Besides, if Sasame ever becomes a LIM, it’s not like she would replace Aoshi as Akashi’s LIM.

– Minashi goes, “That emotion you harbor in your heart right now is the driving force for everything.” Alright, asshole, I’m getting real tired of your enigmatic schtick. Shit or get off the pot, man.

– Meanwhile, Suzaki tells Kasane that the both of them better prepare themselves “to bear the burden of sin.” Sorry, but who in the real world talks like this? Next time I watch a guy throw his cigarette butt to the ground, I’m going to tap him on the shoulder, and tell him to prepare to feel the burden of his sin weigh down his kokoro.

– Anyway, this post is getting a little long, so let’s speed things up a bit. Natsuiri approves of another excursion into the Lightless Realm. After all, we still haven’t recovered the Sable and its lunatic pilot. So this will be what? The third time we’ll head into the Lightless Realm? Who wants to bet the third time will be the charm and we’ll see something — anything — interesting from the upcoming mission? Akashi then says something to make Kasane cry — the reason the Reaper had rejected her was because no man would have his lover do anything dangerous, blah blah blah — and then the episode ends with Akashi back on the train tracks to hell. Whoopee, great episode.

– So more of this show or not? At the moment, I’m not sure. If I stop blogging M3, I’ll need something else to take its place. None of the upcoming midweek shows for the summer, however, look to be any good, though.

So I’m watching this innocent, little boy — but shockingly enough, this anime’s main character is actually a freshman in college — go on a date with a girl. He thinks everything is nice and wholesome about their encounter, but before you know it, she leads him down a dark alleyway. Usually, it’s the other way around, isn’t it? But the tables have turned: it turns out the woman is the predator this time as Rize, the girl, viciously attacks him. We’ve already seen her prey (read: kill) upon a bunch of men just the night before, and our virginal Ken is now her latest target. First, she draws his blood, breaking the skin when she digs her teeth into his flesh. She then grows tentacles and penetrates Ken’s apparently nice and soft body, promising to “gently scramble up [his] insides.” Let’s just say that after this rather violent tryst, our boy Ken is never quite the same again. It’s like he now has an incurable disease. You could perhaps even call it venereal. But more importantly, he now feels the very same temptations that she feels… or rather, the temptation that she felt ’cause she dies shortly after they fuck. Point is, he now wants to consume human flesh as well.

But of course, young miss Rize was actually a ghoul, and she actually wanted to eat Ken until the hero was fortuitous enough to have a bunch of i-beams come apart and crash down upon his figurative rapist. Still, the sexual metaphors here are undeniable. Our formerly innocent Ken suddenly finds that his appetite can no longer be satiated by safe, processed foodstuffs. Y’see, after getting out of the hospital, his best friend is nice enough to get Ken all sorts of packaged foods: hamburgers, sandwiches, etc. It’s all sterilized, plastic crap, though. Rize has made him a man (again, figuratively), and now like a junkie, he needs the real shit. He needs the carnal taste of human flesh. So in the ending scene where Ken is trying to hold himself back from the corpse in front of him, insisting upon his humanity, he’s actually desperately clinging to his boyhood. He’s not like that, man. He’s not a dirty sex-haver. Ken just wants to go back to his innocent life of reading books and eating grey, well-done hamburger meat slathered in some overly salty, artificially-flavored meat sauce. He’s not meant to stalk the shady back alleys for natural, free-range human flesh (illicit sex).

Oh well, what’s done is done. You get the feeling that Ken’s descent into the dark, seedy underbelly of Japanese society is an inevitability, and there’s no turning back. You can clearly see this in the screenshot above. Not only is Ken heading in the opposite direction as the rest of his people, an unnatural barrier separates him from the rest of them. The gates have been opened, and the only question is how long will our hero continue to try and cling onto his perceived innocence. And I call it “the dark, seedy underbelly of Japanese society,” because that’s what it represents. Oh sure, we’re in a universe with man-eating ghouls and whatnot. At the end of the day, Tokyo reflects this facade of glitz and glamor intermixed with remnants of traditional Japanese values, but this only serves to conceal the fact that it’s a 21st century metropolis, and as a result, it has all the same sins and vices of the average 21st century metropolis. Powerful ghouls preside over their territories like yakuza gang leaders defending their turf. Desperate junkies go prowling in the shadows of the night, looking to attack unsuspecting passersby. We’ve merely replaced sex, drugs, money, etc. with one unifying metaphor: human flesh. This what we do with fiction, especially horror fiction. We confront the uneasy truths of our society by turning it into ghouls and monsters of the night.

Anyway, yeah, I found the first episode highly interesting, but that’s usually the case with these shows, isn’t it? After all, the possibilities are endless at the moment. The story can explore all sorts of interesting questions that have been raised by the opening episode’s set-up. For instance, Touka appears to be an ally, but she’s not exactly a heroine either. One of the show’s protagonists, perhaps, but she probably won’t represent Ken’s salvation. Well, it certainly won’t be the salvation he’s looking for when the girl forcibly stuffs human flesh down his throat. There also hints of Rize continuing existence within the story, threatening to haunt the main character long after her demise. Not only has she corrupted him, she has now become his mother in a twisted way. She gave birth to his new self, after all, right down to the very fact that they now share some of the same flesh and blood. Ken now carries her organs within him as a result of a very unlikely operation, but perhaps Dr. Kano deliberately wanted to experiment. In any case, the scene leading up to his rebirth features our hero floating naked in a body of water as Rize cradles him. Hint: it’s a dream of him inside a womb. Still, although she is motherly to him here, she continues to be his sexual predator at the same time. Rize approaches him from behind and even covers up his eyes as if to prevent him from seeing all evil.

If there’s anything I’m apprehensive about, I hope the story’s conflicts won’t devolve into a bunch of over-the-top shounen-esque battles. Unfortunately, we’ve already gotten a taste of it in this week’s episode, especially when we see Touka and Nishiki charge at one another. I don’t mind action; in fact, I welcome it. But I would prefer it if the action here was a little more down-to-earth and realistic–… well, as realistic as tentacle-sprouting ghouls can be. I want the fights to be dirty and brutal to reflect the tone of a dark, seedy underbelly of Tokyo that the opening episode has managed to establish thus far. But you know how shounen battles typically tend to be. Nishiki tells Touka that she’ll have to cut him a little deeper if she truly wants to hurt him. She snarkily replies, “Will I?” We then see a delayed reaction as cuts appear up and down Nishiki’s legs. This is an example of pure shounen camp, and while such a thing works for a a series like Kill la Kill, I think it’s just distracting here. It’s too fantastical. Too silly. Unless, of course, Tokyo Ghoul wants to be comedic as well, then by all means, bring on the camp.

This episode’s biggest problem was that I kept finding myself pausing it every so often so that I could, well, do anything else. Browse Reddit, listen to sports radio, watch League of Legends streams, etc. Hey man, I gotta get my up-to-the-minute updates on where Carmelo is headed in free agency! Probably not to the Lakers, but I’m not so sure how much I would want to pay a 30-year-old superstar a max contract. I mean, the team already fucked up by giving Kobe a giant deal! Oops, this is supposed to be an anime post! See? I’m doing it again! I can’t keep myself focused on Argevollen! Sigh, so what’s wrong with it? Well, the anime just has no personality.

That’s not to say every mecha series that gets made needs to be increasingly over-the-top and flamboyant like Valvrave, but seriously, this first episode is so boring. Everything about it is generic and shoddy-looking. Even the soldiers’ uniforms look drab and ill-fitted. Worst of all, the mecha designs themselves are uninspiring. Our hero gets a special one, of course, but it looks like everything else I’ve ever seen: white, tall, slender, etc. So if the special one doesn’t look cool, what hope do the rest of them have? Not surprisingly, the other mechas are slow and clunky in contrast to our hero’s high-tech, bipedal weapon of mass destruction.

At the end of the day, the biggest problem is that almost every single one of these mecha shows feel the need to follow the same boring template for their first episode. And what’s that template? Oh look, two equally generic superpowers are at war! One of them has even been conquering and absorbing other nations. What a fucking shocker. And ah yes, we must totally talk about our hero’s rite of passage. It’s dangerous out there, mah boy! Here, take this random superpowered mecha that’s lying around, waiting for you to grip its controls. Sure enough, Tokimune, our hero, comes across, uh, Jamie, our damsel-in-distress.

No doubt she’ll be the primary “love” interest, but there won’t be any true love to be found here. We’ll just drop some scant hints here and there in hopes of tantalizing a certain subset of the audience who even gives a shit about anime romances, especially in mechas. In any case, by official anime decree, all blondes must be tsundere in nature. So even though Tokimune is kind enough to save Jaime’s ass from imminent capture by the enemy forces, she can’t help but insult his piloting skills. How dare he not perfectly understand how to operate a new, state-of-the-art mecha that he has never seen before! But anyway, so much undue attention is paid to the hero’s rite of passage that we know nothing else about the story.

I guess this post is still a little on the short side, so let’s find something else about the show to talk about. Well, Jaime pretty much shows up at the very last minute, so there’s not much to discern about her character just yet. Other than that, y’know, she’s seems like a tsundere. As for Tokimune, he appears to be new to his squad. As such, he hasn’t quite fit in with the rest of them. It probably doesn’t help that he openly defied his instructions to stay out of the fray. Like most mecha protagonists, therefore, our hero has an unerring sense of black-and-white justice. Combined with his youthful brashness, he’s bound to get himself into a few sticky situations. This all serves as a contrast to the rest of his fellow soldiers.

Those guys are content to put their lives in the captain’s hands: “We just need to keep our mouths shut and do what the captain tells us.” While this sort of mentality helps to keep a squad unified and efficient in the heat of battle, they will only go as far as their superiors can take them. Maybe this Captain Samonji is a good dude, but as you can see, Arandas’ generals appear to be self-serving fogeys, a bunch of uninspiring leaders all too willing to sacrifice the young lives of their soldiers as they scurry from the front lines: “Tell everyone to defend this base down to the last man.” As always, leadership falls apart in these stories, allowing for special individuals like Tokimune to carve his own path. How else are we going to glorify heroes in a war that involves hundreds of thousands of people on both sides?

Alright, I think that’s about all I can say about such a generic episode. Oh wait, a couple more things: the animation is unremarkable, and I can’t say there’s anything special that I can notice about the voice acting either. This is just about the blandest opening episode possible. It’s not even bad in a way that demands attention. Rather, the episode is enveloped in a force field that seemingly repels any attention from the outside world. “Please! Don’t notice me! I beg of you!” Nevertheless, this show is somehow going to get 24 whole episodes, so there’s a tiny, teeny glimmer of hope that the rest of story will blossom from here on out. But honestly, when was the last time this has ever happened after such a clunker of a first episode? I’m still going to give Argevollen a couple more weeks before I drop it down to the “Everything Else” pile, but the early prognosis doesn’t look good.

I-I-I was told this would be an anime about trains. I also didn’t realize the war part in Rail Wars! would be quite so literal. Apparently, however, these kids will be kicked out of the academy if they can’t handle a handgun. Sure, it makes sense for a member of the Railway Public Security Squad (what a mouthful) to carry a gun on them, but I didn’t realize everyone here was aiming to be on the security squad. I also like how the main character takes aim without those protective earmuffs…

…but then they magically appear on his head after he fires a shot:

B-b-but all of them are wearing the ear muffs right here:

But now they’re not!

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! Ah, the magical world of trains where things magically disappear and reappear, and trains are really giant, bouncing boobs. So anyway, this anime exists in that weird in-between position where it wants to be educational about trains, but at the same time, have exaggerated anime hijinks. Yes, the first trains made use of the steam locomotive. That’s a nice history lesson! We should always be cognizant of our roots–… wait, what?

The funny thing is, this is not even a haha moment. They’re literally going to shovel coal until some old ass steam locomotive hits its desired speed. If the anime had gone for comedy, I’d just suspend my disbelief and move on. But the anime actually isn’t trying to make me laugh. It’s not being dead serious either, but there’s a tiny bit of legitimacy here. Like somehow, learning to shovel coal will be useful to any aspiring train conductor or, uh, security squad member. And that’s the other thing. What on earth are these kids training to become? If they are aspiring to be train conductors, why are they handling guns? If they’re aspiring to join the security squad, why are they worrying about shoveling coal? Hell, why worry about shoveling coal at all? Where on this green planet can you find a steam locomotive that isn’t just an overrated, overpriced tourist destination? So that brings me back to my original point. Had this been a comedic scene, I’d be like, “Whatever. Just another lame joke.” But it’s not a joke. Some dumb academy literally wasted time setting up a high-tech simulation (at least, I hope it’s just a virtual simulation) just so that its students could learn what it feels like to live back in the late 19th-early 20th century.

I’m sure this scene is a delight to train enthusiasts across Japan — of which I’m sure there are many — but it leaves the rest of us in a strange spot. Should I be entertained? Thrilled at the sight of such a quaint training exercise? It’s not really over-the-top or comical. It’s just a little weird. As soon as the training starts, a narrator rattles off some dry and boring facts: “Normally, the C62 requires about 100 liters of water and 40 kg of coal to go one kilometer.” Boy howdy! So again, you have this strange mix of anime’s propensity to exaggerate reality with the need to educate us on the subject matter. Anyway, it turns out the kids aren’t shoveling the coal efficiently enough. Y’see, you have to shovel the coal into the right positions. Hey, I’m not doubting the anime. I don’t know jack shit about trains. As a result, I’m going to defer to them when it comes to train knowledge. Yeah, yeah, fuel efficiency. That sounds about right. At the same time, however, how on earth will proper coal placement help a modern day train conductor in the 21st century? “Oh, well, it develops your problem solving skills!” So sit your ass down with a book of sudoku, then.

The main problem, however, isn’t really about the story’s realism. I could give a rat’s ass about the story’s realism. The problem is that I’ve been taken out of the moment. It’s about managing audience expectations. These kids are training to be serious train… workers, I don’t know, whatever you want to call them. Point is, this training exercise isn’t a joke. As a result, you take me out of the moment when a supposedly legitimate training exercise involves the efficient placement of coals with hand shovels. C’moooooon, man. “Oh, you’re taking this anime too seriously.” But again, if it’s meant to be funny, where are the laughs? Instead, we get a “Ganbatte!” moment in which everyone works together to get the train up to speed. Best part is, the opening episode only covers a month. Halfway through the episode, the trainees are already on the field. Yes, they’re still trainees, but wasting a part of the month with a coal-shoveling exercise… yeah.

Alright, alright, enough nitpick. I’m really only writing this post ’cause other shows haven’t aired yet. As a result, my updating schedule is a bit up in the air at the moment. Hell, I might not even write about this anime ever again. But I may as well say everything I’m going to say while I can. The characters are nothing special. Naoto, the main character, is as standard as they come. Then we get the nice girl who gets high grades, and the tsuntsun girl who is apparently a crackshot with a revolver. Y’know how it is. Aoi’ll be a manhater for now, but Naoto will eventually prove his worth to her. Then it’s all doki doki after that. Yeah, what a colorful cast. Meanwhile, the anime is content to creep on them with potential upskirt shots and Haruka’s detachable, flopping breasts. Naoto also has a best male friend, but he’s even more non-descript compared to the other three. It’s pretty much all about trains and fanservice. Naoto asks Haruka why she’s decided to join Japanese National Railways, so this soft, introspective music starts to play. Yeah, let’s develop this character! At the same time, her ass is right in our face:

So you’ll have to excuse me if it doesn’t seem like the anime cares all to much about Haruka’s story. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to think, to be honest. The girl is pouring her heart out, and we still can’t pass up the chance to creep on her. Naturally, she proceeds to trip and land her giant ass on the main character. And y’know, same old shit in every show. His right hand is on her breasts. His right leg is pressed up against her crotch. This is after she landed on him. Yawn. This camera angle, however, makes it look like her breasts are a ridiculous distance away from her face. By the way, they’re supposed to be looking for a dog. Afterwards, the kids put their brains together to apprehend a bunch of purse-snatchers. The thieves had managed to escape onto a train, but our heroes used their in-depth knowledge of train schedules or something and uh… yeah, it’s that exciting. Nevertheless, they get yelled at for acting on their own. Y’all just a buncha loose cannons! A bunch of free-wheelin’ mavericks! Chasing after a couple of purse-snatchers. What do you think this is?! Rush Hour?!

Anyway, Rail Wars! is dumb, but I got a post out, so I’ve got that going for me at least. For sure, I’ll be writing about Zankyou no Terror in the coming weeks instead.

But still, the VRMMO world needs you, Kirito! Oh, you’re a girl now… And there’s another girl with you that isn’t Asuna. Hm. Hah, joke’s on the new girl, though. Why would you fight a swordsman up-close with a sniper rifle?

– Welp, let’s take a look at our new virtual world. I guess we’re going for a futuristic, dystopian feel this time around. At least it looks a little more complex than the first season’s generic, one-note cityscapes.

– Right off the bat, some guy on a stream declares, “The idea that agility is the only stat that matters is only an illusion.” I should hope so. Why would you play a game where only a single stat matters? That sounds pretty poorly balanced to me.

– Gun Gale Online. Yeah, that’s the name of the game. It’s not that swords are suddenly passe, though. It’s just that guns are cool, swords are cool, and a cool badass would naturally wield both, right? Right.

– So some mysterious guy gets up, shoots the image of the cocky asshole who’s been doing all the talking, and somehow, the cocky asshole looks ill before disconnecting from the MMO. Uhhhhhh, that sounds all mysterious and attention-grabbing, but really? Another game where people can die from actions in the virtual world? Or is there going to be a twist this time around?

– So what does this evil guy call himself? Death Gun. Yeah, that sounds like something a five-year-old would come up with.

– We return to the real world where Asuna is awaiting someone, probably her boyfriend. She stares up into the sky and ponders, “What’s the difference between the real world and the virtual one?” That’s what you guys should have explored for the entire first season, but Gary Stu power fantasies were just too hard to ignore, I guess. Plus, the entire question went out of the window after the SAO arc. C’mon, they took away the gimmick that really mattered: dying in game meant that you’d also die in real life as well. ALO thus felt like nothing more than Kirito’s carefree romp through the faerie kingdom. Then after he was satisfied wasting time with his cousin, he finally decided to save his precious princess. He only dragged his ass for 13 or so episodes. In any case, at least the threat of death seems to be back with GGO… But meh, back to the original point, I doubt the bigger question of the efficacy of online worlds will be explored with any depth. The story never gave it much attention the first time around, so why would anything be different now?

– Our smart-ass Gary Stu finally makes his appearance with an overly simplistic answer to Asuna’s question: “The amount of information. That’s all.” But anyway, it has almost been a year since they last escaped from ALO? And she still calls him Kirito-kun? And he still doesn’t embrace her the second he sees her? What sort of couple is this? I mean, just look at this greeting:

You guys had virtual sex, but you can’t even hug each other in the real world? Maybe they didn’t have sex, but she literally stripped down to her bra and panties when they were trapped within a game. And yet, their greeting is so cold and distant in the real world. Oh, I’m sure it’s all hazukashii~ as fuck to hug and kiss your girlfriend in real life. So there you go; there’s your difference right there that has nothing to do with “the amount of information.” Virtual worlds somehow lower our inhibitions. Virtual worlds somehow allow us to ignore the social mores of our culture.

– Asuna: “And I see you’re wearing a lot of black today.” Black is badass, yo.

– Don’t you think the palace is interesting? Why, what do you mean? Y’see, it’s 2 kilometers long and 1.5 kilometers wide… Tatsuya, what are you doing here? Go back to your show! I’ll blog it later!

– So this place has its own closed network… that’s not as unlikely as you think, but whatever, man. I’m sure this is probably all foreshadowing, but still, Kirito is making a big deal out of nothing.

– Wow, this episode is putting me to sleep already. I realize it’s like “catching up with your ol’ buddies” for fans, but a walk through a park? Please, I just woke up and I already feel like tucking myself back in.

– Kirito: “I think I’m going to go from a player to a creator.” Let me remind you that our Gary Stu came to admire and respect Kayaba, the asshole who trapped ten thousand people — from adults all the way down to young children — in his game, by the end of the first season.

– So what do you want to do, Asuna? Kirito just talked about his future aspirations. What are yours? Asuna says, “I want to stay with you forever, Kirito-kun.” Right, you just keep dreaming big, Asuna. Girls don’t need to have career. She adds, “It’d be great if Yui-chan could be with us here, too…” Oh, our virtual loli daughter. How could I forget.

– Man, one day, there’s going to be a breakthrough in technology, so that holding hands in a virtual world can feel the same as holding hands in the real world! Then you and I can stop holding hands in the real world like chumps and hold hands in the virtual world like badasses! Who’s with me? Eh? Eh? Here’s the thing that gets me about the virtual reality discussion in SAO. Yes, the amount of information isn’t the same, but why are we so focused on making things the same? We’ve already seen that the virtual world can be made fantastical. You’re fighting dragons. You’re a lame-ass faerie flying through the sky. You can fight off ten people by yourself (knowing SAO, however, Kirito can probably fight ten people in real life by himself too). The virtual world is unique because it’s unreal. And here we are, talking about how we can replicate the exact sensation of hand-holding. It just feels… small-minded and boring. What if you could use virtual reality technology to open up new modes of sensations that goes beyond our five senses?

What’s even sillier about it, however, is the attempt to bridge the gap between the real thing and a simulacrum. Even if holding hands in a virtual world feels the same as it would in the real world, at the end of the day, you still have to trust a machine to relay the correct information. And that alone creates that unbridgeable gap. You have to fool yourself into thinking that the intermediary — an intermediary that you may not necessarily have any control over — doesn’t exist. If you acknowledge the intermediary, then you acknowledge that any “personal contact” between two people within a virtual world is actually a threesome, so to speak. The machine becomes an undeniable entity, the “substance” between persons. There’s nothing like that in the real world. So again, the amount of information is a simplistic answer made pretentious by Kirito’s rather know-it-all attitude.

– We suddenly cut to a scene in which Kirito goes to meet some guy by the name of Seijirou. If you watched the terrible Extra Edition OVA, which was basically 99% recap, Kirito spent much of it recapping his experiences in SAO and ALO to Seijirou. Welp, I guess he is going to tempt our Gary Stu back into the dangerous worlds of VRMMOs. Sure enough, he brings Kirito’s attention to the guy who had been killed at the start of the episode. Apparently, the cause of death was “acute heart failure.” No signs of anyone breaking into the victim’s apartment, but eh, that could always be a red herring. There’s lots of ways to enter a person’s apartment without leaving behind any obvious clues. But y’know, maybe I’m giving the story too much credit. Maybe even after the SAO tragedy, these developers are dumb enough to create yet another headset that can kill people. But that just seems almost too dumb of them.

– Oh goodie, GGO is apparently a game with an e-sports scene. This is going to be good.

– The guy who died at the start of the episode isn’t the only victim. It seems as though someone is going around killing VRMMO nerds. Not only that, both victims mentioned so far appear to have been shut-ins with messy apartments. SAO can’t even pretend that VRMMO players are well-adjusted individuals… besides, y’know, our badass Gary Stu who even has a girlfriend in real life! Maybe that’s why he wants to move their relationship to the online world so badly. So he can rub it into everyone’s faces that he has the real thing, but he’s going to now fuck her virtually.

– It’s hilarious. A bunch of women nearby gives the two of them death stares because, well, who wants to hear about dead bodies and shit when you’re eating pastries? In fact, why did Seijirou invite Kirito here of all places? Well-adjusted individuals, indeed…

– So according to Seijirou, the Amusphere is supposed to have preventative measures to prevent people from dying! Something must have gone wrong somewhere. Even so, let me just ask this kid, who’s neither a scientist, a doctor, nor a game developer, if he thinks a bullet fired in a virtual world could possibly stop the heart of a person in the real world. Surely, Kirito is such a Gary Stu, he would know. Look man, he beat two MMOs. TWO! He’s therefore an expert on this shit.

– The two of them both come to the conclusion that it isn’t possible for the a virtual bullet to kill someone. And that is why Kirito should log into GGO and make contact with this Death Gun! I mean, I know you’ve already been through two dangerous MMO experiences. Not only that, this latest situation will definitely endanger you as well. but… you’re the hero, aren’t you?

Won’t you, Gary Stu, go back down the rabbit hole? Seriously, though, can Seijirou not hire anyone else to do the job? Does he really have to rely on a kid? Yes, yes he does. This is anime, where only kids can save the day.

– Y’see, Death Gun only targets high-level PVPers. And hey, who would be such a badass that he would instantly become GGO’s best PVPer as soon as he joined the game? Only Kirito!

– Kirito’s right! He can’t just log into GGO and instantly match-up against people who are making a living out of this. But then he’s wrong, because logic only applies to the real world and not a Gary Stu fantasy like SAO. As a result, you just know for sure he will log into GGO and instantly match-up against people who are making a living out of this.

– Seijirou’s solution is to make Kirito a pro, basically. He’ll pay the kid to dive into GGO. Goodie. I wonder if our wholesome boyfriend, however, will discuss this with Asuna. Sure, sure, he ultimately gets to decide what to do with his life. But at the same time, when you enter into a relationship with someone, you take on certain responsibilities. And I’d like to think one of those responsibilities is to not unilaterally decide to endanger your life in yet another fucking VRMMO. Plus, it’s not just Asuna he should be worried about. What about his aunt who had sheltered and cared for him when he was stuck in a vegetative state for god only knows how long? What about his disgusting, incestuous cousin/sister? Surely her feelings matter as well!

– Right, GGO’s main company is in the United States, and their contact info is thus confidential. Those irresponsible Americans! I highly doubt any company out there has that much pull, but oh well. That’s fiction for you.

– Will you go, Kirito? Will you go back? We have to go back! We just have to!

– Alright, we’re back to Kirito’s date with Asuna. Okay then. They start talking about space and time and I just… I just can’t.

– Asuna: “And a certain person made it explode midway. Without waiting to see the end.” Yeah, Kirito, you inconsiderate jerk! The other 6000 survivors wanted to see the end!

– Kirito looks as if he’s about to say something important to Asuna. Gosh, it wouldn’t have anything to do with his potential dive into GGO, would it? Kirito then quickly changes the subject. Yeah, she doesn’t need to know, responsibilities be damned.

– We then cut to a badass sniper in GGO by the name of Shinon, but how badass can she really be when the camera lingers on her crotch? Literally, the camera can’t tear itself away. It’s ridiculous. The saddest thing, however, is that they can’t even get her ass to look right. In fact, she looks like she has no right buttock. They made sure to render the curvature of her vagina, but then her ass is nonexistent. Makes sense. Anyway, she’s just going to fall in love with Kirito anyway.

– She then takes a shot, and then the episode comes to an end. Welp, that’s the first episode for you. We sat there and watched Kirito sit and talk to people for the majority of it with only scant bits of action to bracket those riveting discussions. Sword Art Online II has come right out of the gates with… a leisurely saunter. Oh man, I’m sleepy.

The “Crimson Prince” moniker has potential… if it had been a nickname for a vampire or something. But “Cardinal George?” Seriously? Did Curious George finally hit puberty or something? Hmm, nah, probably not. Anyway, it’s that time of the week again! Yes, we’re back with more unexciting non-action with Mahouka!

– Masaki seems somewhat taken aback that Tatsuya has even heard of his best bud. Like okay, obviously, everyone has heard of him, the Crimson Prince! But this loser over here?! No way! In any case, he says, “Hey, if you know not only about me, but George, too, this should be quick and dirty.” I’m sure it’ll be quick, but what on earth will be dirty about it?

– Curious George’s reaction is even weirder. He’s basically like, “Yo, I ain’t never heard of you… but I’ll always remember your name from now on.” Uh, that’s cool, dude…

– Obviously, these two have sniffed out the fact that Tatsuya’s the sole reason First High is winning most of the events. Yes, the sole reason. That’s not even hyperbole. Check the last couple of episodes if you don’t believe me. But to bring this back on topic, the two guys from Third High have come just to see what Tatsuya looks like. They had to see the magnificent Gary Stu for themselves.

– It’s pretty much one big circlejerk between these three with Miyuki looking on awkwardly. Nah, I’m just kidding. That would require a modicum of awareness on MIyuki’s part. Rather, she’s probably just daydreaming about her oniichan instead. In any case, Tatsuya and these two weirdos are busy praising each other. Me? The most prodigious engineer in the history of the Nine Schools Competition? But you — yes, you! — are the boy genius who discove–… snore.

– And that’s it. That’s the encounter, and it’s now time for the opening credits to play. But wait, don’t fast forward just yet! There’s a new openin–… haha, nah, I’m skipping ahead anyway. I mean, as soon as I saw a naked Miyuki reach her hand out to an equally naked Tatsuya (no, it’s not the screencap above, obviously), I just had to skip it. Watch the new OP at your own peril.

– After the OP, we are treated to more battle surfing. Yes, we’re still just watching the girls compete. You wouldn’t want to see guys in skintight outfits, would you? Mahouka certainly doesn’t! Still, one thing has at least changed: every single one of the girls are now wearing shaded goggles to counter Tatsuya’s stupid trick from last week’s episode. Yes, it’s a stupid trick. Why is it that in the entire history of the competition, no one has ever thought to blind their opponents with an optical illusion? Either there’s an unspoken agreement that such a thing is dirty as hell, or people in this universe are just that stupid. Maybe the answer lies somewhere in the middle.

– In the end, Honoka wins without any tension or drama. That in itself is a problem, but we’ve already talked about how it’s utterly boring to watch a one-sided competition. Rather, what’s stupid this time around is how she ends up winning. Since everyone’s wearing shaded goggles, she’ll just cast a shadow across the track. And just like that, her opponents are too afraid to surf in the darker parts of the track. Gee, we know First High won’t hesitate to resort to cheap, optical tricks, but surely, she won’t try anything now that we’re wearing these shaded goggles!

…

Oh man, we’ve been had! I mean, c’mon, this entire universe is filled with idiots. Obviously, magic is fair game. This is, after all, an anime about magic. Then why hasn’t anyone else tried to do anything interesting or fancy with magic in order to win this race? Why is the only magic we see a lame-ass optical illusion by a single character? Why is it that her opponents try to counter her magic with non-magic (the goggles) instead of magic of their own? How can you call this an anime about magic when there isn’t actually any damn magic aside from the cheap optical illusions?! I feel like the crotchety old lady from the TV commercials. Yo, where’s the magic!

– After Honoka’s victory, we cut to a scene in which Mayumi has a proposal for three of her school’s competitors. Y’see, since all three of them had made it to the finals, would they like to forgo the match altogether and just share first place? Are you serious? What sort of competition is that? It’s almost like individual accomplishments don’t mean shit so long as the school gets its points. Sure enough, one of the girls confesses that she had been thinking of withdrawing anyway. Are you kidding me? I bet you the next person in line would’ve loved to take her place at this competition. And here she is, passing up the chance to compete for the individual title because she isn’t up for it. I have no problems with anyone not wanting to compete, but if that’s the case, then you shouldn’t have even come in the first place. What a waste.

– But look at it this way. Since all three girls are from First High, that means all three girls would have their CADs personally calibrated by the Gary Stu himself. Sure, one of those girls happens to be the Gary Stu’s very own imouto, but still… as brilliant as the Gary Stu is, can he actually overcome the impossible and beat himself?

– Shizuka’s a gamer though. She wants to face off against Miyuki. Being the Mary Sue that she is, Miyuki won’t back down either. Mayumi seems somewhat disappointed for some reason.

– So the finals between the two girls begin. Miyuki puts up her right hand! Then Shizuka puts up her right hand as well. Then… something happens but not really! Even so, Shizuka thinks, “I can’t make a dent… Just as I expected of you, Miyuki.” Make a dent? I don’t see anything but wavy lines around the ice pillars. Where’s the magic?

– Shizuka thus pulls out her trump card: a second, gun-shaped CAD. Oh my! The girl then fires a shot that, uh, kind of dents one of Miyuki’s pillars. But trust me, it’s a high-level spell. Even Mayumi says so! Naturally, our Mary Sue won’t be upstaged by some minor character. Therefore, she casts Niflheim! That sounds really fancy. What does it do? Well, it covers the ice pillars in an opaque mist… She then causes Shizuka’s pillars to explode. And that’s that. No, really, the match is over. You know, in a typical competition between two individuals, there’s typically a play, then a counterplay, then a counter to that counterplay, so on and so forth. Not here, however. Let me recap the events of the match for you: Shizuka pulls out a second CAD and fires a single shot, then Miyuki mops the floor with her classmate, who doesn’t even react to any of Miyuki’s actions. Again, Shizuka fires a shot, then she proceeds to lose in a matter of seconds. What did I just watch? Not only are the conversations about Mahouka‘s magic boring to listen to, when magic finally does make its appearance, it’s boring to look at as well. Did we get any sense whatsoever that we had just witnessed the finale match between the two best Rookie ice-pillar breakers? Nope.

– An overly sentimental scene between Honoka and Shizuka follows. I don’t know anything about either character, so I don’t really care that Shizuka’s bitter about her loss. The thing is, any tiny bit of context would’ve helped. Had she been training hard for this moment? Was it her dream to be the best ice pillar breaker? Were her parents in attendance? Anything, man. Anything to develop her character at all. But no, we get nothing. So of course, I’m not going to give a shit about the fact that she lost. People lose all the time. Unless you have a compelling story to tell, why should I care that you lost? This isn’t even me being snarky about the anime. It’s just storytelling 101. Just like Honoka’s victory doesn’t mean anything to me — ’cause who the fuck is Honoka? — Shizuka’s defeat means nothing either. Ho-hum, she lost to the Mary Sue.

– Later that night, Tatsuya decides to lie back on his bed and feed us exposition. Yeah, after two oh-so-tense competitions, there’s nothing better than taking a breather as the main character drily drones on and on about the anime’s universe. Y’see, our Crimson Prince had once been a child soldier. Wow, that’s heavy! Have you seen those heart-wrenching documentaries about child soldiers in Africa? It’s horrible! I’m not even being sarcastic. It truly is horrible. In Mahouka, however, the Crimson Prince’s story is told through a Tatsuya voiceover as we see generic scenes of a wartorn landscape. Ex-citing. Naturally, Tatsuya’s focus is on the type of magic Masaki had used to overcome his enemies. Rapture magic, bros, Rapture magic. No, what’s important about Masaki’s backstory isn’t the fact that he has seen the horrors of war firsthand. What’s fucking important about his backstory is the magic he had used to massacre the enemy forces.

– As for Curious George, he discovered something that people thought had only existed in theory. So why the fuck is he a high school student? Why isn’t he already in college doing some high-level research? Because duh, everyone knows anime characters immediately wilt as soon as they graduate from high school. That’s why you don’t see a single adult in this universe. Even Ono-sensei looks like any other hot anime babe.

– The very next day, Miyuki runs up to Tatsuya with very bad news to deliver. There has been a “deliberate Over-attack!” A what? Well, we finally see some of the boys compete. Annnnnd they get critically injured. As a result, Shun and his buddies can no longer compete in the Monolith Code event. Man, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

– But again, our characters had some evidence that someone had possibly fucked with Mari’s race. Now, it’s clear that someone had cast an illegal spell during the Monolith Code event. So where are the fucking administrators? When will someone step in and say, “Wow, this is getting out of control! We better do something.” But nah. Tatsuya merely mentions that “the tournament staff is sure to be in a panic.” Why don’t we prioritize the health of our students and cancel the event? Indeed, Mayumi admits that there have been calls to cancel the whole thing and yet… well, here we are. Nothing has been cancelled, and First High will just have to forfeit the match… Don’t worry, guys. Gary Stu-by Doo and the gang will solve this mystery!

– Mayumi takes Tatsuya aside and asks, “…if you’re right and our school’s being sabotaged, what do you think their motive is?” Tatsuya then drops the bomb: a Hong Kong crime syndicate — of course it’s from Hong Kong — is trying to rig this whole competition. Ugh, those dirty Chinese people! Don’t they have anything better to do than to fuck with a high school event? No, seriously, don’t they? Surely, there has to be more than a thousand illicit activities they could do instead that are vastly more profitable than fucking around with a dinky competition between a handful of Japanese high schools. Not according to Mahouka, though!

– We immediately cut to those dirty Hong Kong gangsters. They are pleased with the latest results. After all, the Monolith Code event awards the most points. Wait, why? That’s basically telling the kids that this sport is better than your sport. Not only that, it kind of renders the early stages of the competition rather moot, doesn’t it? Yeah, I know you’ve been winning most of the events but… they caught the snitch, so they win!

– Next, we see Tatsuya giving a peptalk to his girls. Not only does he single-handedly win these events for them through his sheer engineering genius (STEM STEM STEM), he also serves as their coach. Gary Stu does it all. Eat your heart out, Kirito.

– So let me get this straight. Mirage Bat is basically a bunch of girls in silly outfits standing around on a bunch of pillars. When colored lights appear in the air, the girls must leap into the air to hit the colored lights with their batons. It’s like a competition of cats chasing a laser pointer.

– Even during this event, however, we’re talking about Tatsuya. It seems as though Azusa has come to the conclusion that Taurus Silver is none other than her Gary Stu classmate himself. In the end, you hardly get to see any of the event itself and whether or not it featured any sort of fancy magic. Instead, the spotlight remains steadfastly glued to Tatsuya.

– Later that night, Mayumi addresses the entire room and says, “Tatsuya, good work today.”

– No, really: “The results you produced exceeded our expectations, and we thank you for that.” Fuck the lot of ya! Even Tatsuya is like, man, I gotta pull this back a bit: “It’s thanks to the players and their efforts.” But really, it’s a simple, little trick: by having Mayumi give all of the praise to the Gary Stu, he gets the golden opportunity to appear humble. Afterwards, Mayumi admits that Tatsuya’s right, but in a rather dismissive tone: “Of course it’s their achievement for working so hard. But every one of us here recognizes how significant your contribution was.” /winkwink

– Seriously, though, what are we doing here? Praising Tatsuya again? Get to the point already.

Oh man, that’s just rich. In order for First High to win first place in the Rookie events, the boys will have to win the Monolith Code event. Great, we’ll finally get to see the boys compete. Wait, no, we’ve been over this. Watching guys compete would be gay… unless, of course, we’re watching the Gary Stu instead. Brilliant! Let’s injure the shit out of the boys and have Tatsuya enter the competition for them! Tatsuya single-handedly wins everything for the girls! And now, he’ll literally win it for the boys. Now, normally, you can’t just swap athletes out, but the powers-that-be have decided to make a very special exception for this case. Yes, why cancel an event that has possibly been tampered with? Go ahead! Substitute in another one of your students and thus potentially endanger his life as well!

– Mari: “In terms of live combat skills, you’re probably No. 1 among the first year guys.” Mari, baby, please don’t insult me like this. “Probably?” More like “definitely.”

– Tatsuya tries to reason his way out of it, but you know the anime’s heart isn’t in it whatsoever. It’s pretty much a forgone conclusion that he’ll be competing. The door’s been open, and you can’t shut it anymore. In any case, I’d have said “Tatsuya‘s heart isn’t in it” instead, but he doesn’t have one.

– Still, Tatsuya resists. His haremettes are the ones trying to convince him, and their words are just falling upon deaf ears. Obviously, that’s not going to work. He’s going to need a man’s man’s opinion. In other words…

Jumanji-senpai~! <33333

– Jumanji basically says, “As long as you’re a member, there’ll be no defying our leader’s decisions.” Whatever you say, Jumanji-senpai! Tatsuya will certainly respect what you have to say! And if you say jump, Tatsuya’ll jump!

See? Crisis solved. Our Gary Stu will win it for the boys because those selfish bastards just had to go and get themselves injured. Pfft, losers.

– Tatsuya also gets the luxury to handpick his own team… as if there are very many guys in this anime to choose from. He thus picks his two friends even though they’re not even part of the team. When Mayumi objects, Jumanji’s just like, “Eh, why not? The rules don’t matter anymore anyway.”

– And that’s that. Tune in next week as Tatsuya delivers victory for First HIgh on a silver platter. What can’t he do? Feel. He can’t feel. I’ll leave you guys with this parting shot from the (new?) ED:

Glorious.

Asseylum and Eddelrittuo (yeah, the spelling for these names are going to be annoying to memorize) share an interesting conversation midway through the episode.But for the conversation to make any sense, I’m going to have to provide some context. Aldnoah.Zero takes place in an alternate universe where the Apollo 17 mission had discovered “an artifact belonging to an ancient Martian civilization” on the moon. More specifically, it was a Hyper Gate to Mars. What’s a Hyper Gate? Eh, just imagine it to be some high-tech thingamajig that allowed humans to travel to Mars from the moon with ease. How? Wormholes, quantum mechanics, etc. Just take your pick. The Vers Empire, however, appeared out of nowhere and assumed control of the ancient alien technology. Since then, there have been numerous conflicts between the two planets. Why? I’m not sure yet, but I’m sure Aldnoah.Zero will fill us in on the details eventually. On one fateful day, fighting on the surface of the moon caused the Hyper Gate to go out of control. As a result, our poor satellite got destroyed. My tides! My lovely tides! Plus, all those abnormal disasters that the Earth is now facing are probably due to the fact that the moon is no longer there to stabilize our axis of rotation, but I digress.

The big question, however, is… why? Why would we go to war with the Vers Empire, a nation of space colonists from our very own planet? Finally, here’s where the conversation between Asseylum and Edder… Edderrito? Ah, fuck it. From now on, I’m calling her Eddy. Ahem, here’s where the conversation between Asseylum and Eddy makes it mark. Y’see, Asseylum is a princess of the Vers Empire, and she’s coming to Earth on a goodwill mission. She wants everlasting peace between the two planet, so naturally, she asks, “Why do we hate them so?” Eddy replies, “…we subjects of the empire became a new race distinct from the old humanity we left on Earth when Emperor Vers inherited the authority of Aldnoah.” Whoa, what? But there’s more: “As one who embodies the power of the gods, Milady… you should not say such things.” So right off the bat, people of the Vers Empire (Versians?) believe that they are the gods’ chosen people. Not only that, I’m sure Emperor Vers probably believes that he’s the living embodiment of the divine will. At first glance, I couldn’t help but think, “How can an entire polity of people buy into such a divisive, hateful belief in such a short period of time?”

The Apollo 17 mission was when? Back in the 1970s? So in such a short period of time, not only has an empire appeared overnight (in relative terms), but its people are fundamentalists as well? That’s wild! But questions of plausibility aside — and I’m not saying the situation that has developed here is impossible — there’s something very familiar about Aldnoah.Zero‘s premise. Way back when, a group of people came upon a group of islands after crossing the wide, open sea. Bringing with them technology and culture from the mainland, they eventually intermingled with the indigenous population of the islands. As a result, a new race of people sprung forth! Eventually, these whippersnappers would go on to form a strong, powerful nation. Islands, however, are typically limited in resources. To fuel the grand ambitions of the people’s leaders, they would have to turn their attention back to the mainland, the home they had once left behind. But gosh, the mainland is already inhabited by others! Others somewhat like us! No… not like us! We’re a new race. A better race. And our emperor is a living god himself! We should conquer the rest of the world, and bring peace to them. In fact, the divine will has ordained it! I’ll even call this… Hakkō ichiu. Yeah, that sounds good. Of course, seeing as how this is the very first episode of a two-cour series, I have no idea where the anime is going with this.

Needless to say, however, Urobochi has never been very shy about packing his stories with rather overt commentaries on the nature of humankind and the world around us. You could remark, “Isn’t it interesting how the tables have been turned and we are now the victims? After all, aren’t the viewers supposed to identify with the downtrodden Earthlings? And isn’t it interesting how the people of the Vers Empire seem vaguely European in their appearance and mannerisms?” On the other hand, perhaps this is the only way to get the message across. How can you sympathize with the victims of Imperial Japan unless you can put yourself in their shoes? One of the major criticisms directed at Japan even now is how unwilling it has been to acknowledge its wartime past. And is this perhaps what Aldnoah.Zero hopes to accomplish? To let its viewers know what it feels like to be on the other end of a nation’s military aggression? Eh… it depends on how charitable you want to be with your interpretation. I’m inclined to think Urobochi doesn’t have, shall we say, unsavory intentions, but we’ll definitely find out what he and the rest of the show’s writers are trying to convey as we watch more of the series. I can only hope that the anime won’t be too heavy-handed with its message. Who knows? Maybe by the end of the series, Emperor Vers will be making his own Humanity Declaration…

Yes, war is inevitable. It seems that there are many people from both sides of the divide who are against the princess’s goodwill mission. The haughty Cruhteo guy had been trying to dissuade the girl from making the trip to Earth for quite some time now, but being the pure-hearted maiden that she is, I’m sure her resolve never once wavered. Everlasting peace, man! As soon as she arrives, however, she immediately comes under attack. Homemade bombs and automatic rifles are one thing; having the capability to launch missiles, however, is something else entirely. This alone should tell you that the attackers are not just some ragtag group. It’s likely that they’re backed by an entity with considerable power and influence, and that should be enough to shatter the shaky peace between the two planets. You’d think Asseylum would’ve arrived at a safer location, but then again, the episode had earlier implied that the Heavens Fall incident really did a number to the entire planet. Even fifteen years after the fact, the rebuilding process is far from complete. Imagine arriving in a disaster zone. Now imagine that the entire planet is Detroit a disaster zone. Maybe this whole mission was a folly from the very start. Can you really achieve peace in such non-ideal circumstances?

Maybe it’s even worse than we think. Who’s to say that the princess’s assassination isn’t just an excuse to carry out an invasion of the planet? I mean, why would such an important individual be so poorly protected by both the Vers Empire and the Earth Alliance? Sure enough, the Vers Empire has decided to send its Orbital Knights and their space castles to come crashing down upon our planet. Yes, the empire’s military force even seems to be organized much like a bunch of contentious feudal lords. According to Kochirou, these Orbital Knights have been waging a war in the wreckage of the moon. Goody, now they can wage a holy crusade against Earth: “We subjects of the Vers Empire must resolutely bring down the hammer of righteousness in response to this atrocity….” Again, the setup feels very familiar. Eventually, we see New Orleans’ utter destruction (hasn’t the city been through enough?!) come about as one of the castles touch down upon the surface, creating an explosion that must evoke memories of the atomic bombings. A mushroom cloud appears. The entire skyline is ablaze. Windows shatter simultaneously across all the skyscrapers. You don’t even get to see the actual loss of human lives because death comes that quick. Again, the symbolism is overt… perhaps too overt. Plus, I’m not too keen with blasting an insert song at full volume as millions of lives go up in flames in a matter of seconds, but maybe that’s just me.

Right before the ending credits begin to roll, the anime even has to sneak in a dark moment of irony as a pair of kids mistake the military invasion for shooting stars. As such, they make a wish for everlasting peace across the world. If only they knew what was really happening. But ah, that’s a little too cheeky there, Urobochi. I know you’re excited about the new series, but c’mon, man, where’s the restraint? Perhaps the restraint is to be found in Inaho, our main character. He seems aloof and detached from the world around him. Most individuals would panic at the sight of a missile careening just above their heads. Our protagonist, however, calmly turns to his friends and suggest that they leave the vicinity of the area. What I appreciate, though, is how the first episode doesn’t actually revolve around him. He has yet to go through his obligatory “rite of passage” where he finally accepts his role as humanity’s hero and is thus bestowed a ton of power. Rather, he is nothing more than an observer in this opening episode. Sure, I imagine him undergoing those same, trite anime-isms eventually, but by merely adjusting the story’s pacing to distinguish it from other like-minded series is enough to make Aldnoah.Zero seem like a breath of fresh air. But that is jumping the gun quite a bit. The anime hasn’t proven itself just yet; it’s merely off to a solid start.

As for the show’s other characters, a single episode can’t hope to do much more than to touch upon their personalities. I’m not quite sure what to make of Yuki, Inaho’s sister, just yet. She seems a bit careless at the moment, serving as a bit of contrast to Inaho’s more subdued and collected persona. As for the previously mentioned Kochirou, he will probably play that wise, but imperfect mentor with the dark past. Will he play a role in getting Inaho to come out of his shell? Will his memories and alcohol abuse haunt him too much to do so? None of Inaho’s friends, on other hand, seem to stand out at the moment. But ah, how can we forget Slaine, a soldier currently under Cruhteo’s charge? Every hero needs a foil, and perhaps Slaine will be Inaho’s foil. He appears to be a soft-hearted character caught on the wrong side of the divide. Hell, Cruhteo himself doesn’t have much respect for the former Terran. Nevertheless, with the princess’s presumed death, the planet Slaine once called home no longer shines like a radiant blue star in the endless expanse of space. There’s a very attention-grabbing scene in which Slaine’s view of his home planet becomes awashed in flames. Is this a reflection of his anger and rage? He is likely caught between two sides: his former home and the need to avenge the princess. Which of these two feelings will ultimately win out? The answer probably doesn’t exist. Well, there’s no way Asseylum is dead already, right?

Alright, let’s wrap this up. What do I think about Aldnoah.Zero‘s first episode? It’s very intriguing. Not only that, nothing in the first episode makes me roll my eyes in either disbelief or just plain incredulity. The anime certainly has potential. Like most Urobochi-led works, however, Aldnoah.Zero runs the risk of being too blunt and heavy-handed in its message. But who knows? Maybe this time around, he and the other writers can rein it in.

A vacation, huh? Where’s the sense of urgency, though? Baku is yet another designer child that has fallen into the clutches of the Kiltgang. Sure, our Midsummer’s Knights have managed to quell the threat to humanity’s existence each and every single time. Nevertheless, the villains have steadily grown by one with each passing episode, and Setsuna’s whereabouts are still unknown. Shouldn’t they devote more of their attention to locating her? But look, far be it from me to rain on these kids’ parade. After all, everyone needs a little R&R! Especially Akari, too, considering all the hard work she’s done lately.

Akari’s justification for the vacation is all due to Hana’s, or rather Pitz’s, predictions. According to the furry, little animal, “there’d be no Orgone energy movement for the next three days.” How can you be so sure, though, especially when you’re dealing with things that may or may not happen? How can you just know that there won’t be any Orgone energy movements? Is there something stopping the bad guys from doing whatever it is that they need to do? And somehow Pitz is aware of it? To a certain extent, viewers must suspend their disbelief in order to enjoy any given story. Captain Earth, however, is slowly bordering on the nonsensical.

And I’m not bashing Akari’s character because I hate her. I hate what the anime is doing to both Akari and Hana’s character. They have offered little to the narrative aside from fanservice. For a brief moment early on in the story, Akari was at least this brilliant hacker. These days, she eats and she lounges. Likewise, Hana eats and she lounges. Then Akari looks Hana’s way, notices all the attention her friend is getting from boys, then gets all boob-jealous. That’s right, ‘boob-jealous’ is an official terminology now. But you know how it is. If two female characters differ in the sizes of their breasts, one of them must always be salty about it. It’s just the way it is! And who knows women better than anime?!

Daichi: “Well, if we were normal students, we’d be on summer break now.”

I’m sorry, but you can’t eat your cake and have it too. Anime is constantly about taking mundane high school kids and making them feel all special and wanted. You’re not just some student with average grades and no girlfriend! You’re humanity’s savior! You’re going to battle aliens! You’re going to pilot a giant fuck-off robot! The mysterious, dark-skinned girl with big boobs totally wants to jump your bones! You’re special! At the same time, however, these shows nevertheless feel the ridiculous need to have its mundane-made-special characters doing the same mundane things they would be doing anyway if they hadn’t been oh-so-special to begin with.

What’s that? The bad guys are still at-large, hoping to find an opening in our defense. Wow, that sounds serious! I’ll get right on that as soon as I have my much-needed vacation because, y’know, if we were normal kids, we’d be on summer break right about now. But you’re not fucking normal, dude. You’re the hero! You’re supposed to be saving the world. Right, right, there isn’t going to be any Orgone energy movements for three days. Even so, are you insisting that there’s nothing else to be done until then? Nothing whatsoever? Alright, fine, go get half-naked for the audience. That’s what being a hero is all about.

After the two Gary Stu shows from yesterday, as well as Aldnoah.Zero, I’m drained. As a result, I’m just going to resort to my bullet-point blogging approach. If this episode had gotten off to a better start, perhaps I would’ve done otherwise, but I’m slowly getting fed up with Captain Earth‘s antics. Therefore…

Stray observations:

– There’s a new OP, but two-cour series always get a new OP at about the halfway point. Byrnhildr in the Darkness, however, was a strange exception in that it got a new OP despite being so short. Anyway, I’m not too keen on the new song. It’s kind of subdued, and as a result, it doesn’t really get the heart pumping in anticipation for some mecha action.

– After the opening credits, we are treated to a highly ironic conversation between Kube and Puck. I certainly hope I do not have to explain why “Puck does not lie” is a highly ironic statement. In any case, Kube thinks he’s in full control of his AI. After all, he has Puck’s emergency shutdown switch in his hands. Nevertheless, do you think a highly-intelligent AI has not once taken the switch into consideration? I’m sure Puck has.

– Daichi seems pleasantly surprised to learn that Hana will be staying in the room right next to his, but I’m perplexed as to why he would be. Did he not just walk to his room? Did she not just walk to her room as well? Is our hero thus so blind to his immediate surroundings that he only now just notices her?

– But it turns out Daichi and Hana aren’t merely staying in adjacent rooms. Rather, their rooms are connected. Oh dear, a boy and a girl living together in such close quarters? That’s so… that’s so… who cares?

– Naturally, Hana is quick to show some skin. Other than her readiness to get naked at a drop of a hat, what does her character even do in this story? All she’s done is basically act as Pitz’s interpreter, so at the moment, PItz is actually the more important of the two characters. Oh wait, she helped power Teppei’s Machine Goodfellow, allowing the designer child to save Daichi in space that one episode. Still, it’s a bit sad how uninvolved she’s been as of late, isn’t it? Well, she’s about to share a tender moment with Daichi in this week’s episode, so there’s… that, I guess. Nothing quite like being indispensable to the main character!

– So Daichi wakes up in the middle of the night to see that Hana has been sitting there for quite some time now, watching him sleep. Okay… Upon closer inspection, he notices that she’s crying. When he reaches out to her, she storms off to her side of the room without uttering a single word. Ugh… Don’t go after Hana and check up on her, though! Just fade to black! That’s right… fade to black… I just can’t help but imagine Daichi shrugging his shoulders and going back to bed. “Man, what’s up with her! … Oh well! /fapfapfap”

– The very next thing we see is Hana in her swimsuit as she surfaces from the water! Literally just seconds after we had seen her cry and storm off in the middle of the night, we’re back to ogling the girl’s tits. No, wait, wait, we haven’t gotten a good enough look yet. Let’s thus have Hana walk towards us as droplets of water drip down her sun-kissed skin. Aw yeah! /fapfapfap

– At the same time, Daichi tells his two other friends that he had showed restraint last night! Restraint! I’m sure it would be quite awkward to suddenly drop the “She was watching me sleep and crying all night” bomb in the middle of a conversation, but really, dude? Restraint from what? Comforting the crying girl? Wait, that doesn’t sound very heroic. Restraint from having a raging boner at the sight of Hana in her negligee? That’s not very heroic either! Too bad he couldn’t exercise some restraint in not having this conversation, especially after what he had witnessed last night. In fact, Daichi goes on to say, “…I think she might hate me.” Yeah, I watch people sleep when I hate them. Then we have hatefuck afterwards. It’s glorious.

– Then we get lurid shots of the two girls showering. Fantastic.

– After getting a scolding from Kube, Amara and Moco both tell Puck that they don’t think they need the salty CEO around any longer. The AI disagrees; Puck believes that Globe is a bigger problem. As a result, the bad guys engineer a plan to drop a satellite — a modified asteroid, in fact — onto the Tanegashima Base. Exciting.

I still can’t help but wonder what the other designer children are up to. Amara and Moco spent all these episodes recruiting allies to their cause only for them to disappear completely from the story. The biggest offense here isn’t even the fact that we don’t see them physically onscreen. It’s that I can’t even imagine what it is that they could be doing right about now. Are they just sitting around, twiddling their thumbs or what? Any guesses would be futile because they could be doing anything for all we know.

– Teppei says that since he and Hana are from the same race, the girl probably has the ability to read people’s minds through a kiss. Y’know, much like Moco’s little trick. So maybe Hana was crying the night before because she had seen what Daichi was dreaming. What do young boys dream about? Gosh…

– Later that night, Hana is back to watching Daichi sleep. Oh yeah, she’s still crying. When he finally asks her why she’s crying, she simultaneously tells him that she should kill him, but she nevertheless loves him.

Of all the times he could’ve picked, Daichi decides to make his move now. He tries to lean in and kiss the girl while she’s crying her eyes out. Oh yeah, she also just mentioned that she should kill him. Naturally, Hana pulls back from the kiss. After all, if he knew her true self, he’d hate her! And then this is where he would tell her he could never hate her! That Hana is Hana, and tautologies are cool!

– Oops, we have no time. After all, we still have that modified asteroid to contend with…

– Someone says, “It’s been a little over a dozen hours since Legacy went out of control.” And we’re only now taking preventative measures? Oh, right, it’s too small to be detected. Yep, that’s convenient.

– The asteroid is less than seven minutes away from impact. Captain Earth loves its countdowns. Nearly every single episode lately has featured a countdown. Tension literally represented as a an easy-to-interpret set of numbers.

– Kube demands to know what’s going on. Connect the dots, man. Who on this entire planet has the means to hijack a 100,000-ton asteroid? And why would these individuals want to target the Tanegashima Base? How did you ever get to become the CEO of such an influential company when you’re this clueless?

– Hana then proceeds to run from inside the base all the way out to the beach in just mere moments. Don’t worry, she doesn’t take so long that the asteroid will manage to destroy everything that she holds dear. Our mahou shoujo then proceeds to point a finger up to the sky to the sky, and shoots an energy blast so strong that it completely disintegrates a 100,000-ton asteroid. In actuality, she had somehow summoned the Blume’s Orgone beam. If you don’t remember what the Blume is, it’s some ship that Hana’s connected to. What is this ship? Where is this ship? Who knows! But there you go. I’ve been asking all series long if Hana could actually do something useful for once, and she did. That something just happens to be an ability to vaporize asteroids.

– In the end, however, Hana insists that she’s not the girl Daichi thinks she is, so she runs off. Ugh, it’s like a complete angst-fest in just a single episode. I wish the series had gradually built up to this moment. I get it. She’s finally fallen in love with him, so those fears of hers are now coming to the forefront. But we’ve gotten no character development for either of the two female characters. As a result, it feels like Hana’s just going emo on us out of nowhere. If Hana’s development had been subtle but nevertheless present throughout the majority of the narrative — and why wouldn’t it be when she’s one of the four main characters? — I wouldn’t react so negatively to her tear-filled outbursts in this week’s episode.

Instead, however, it just feels as though we’ve hit some arbitrary point in the story, and the writers suddenly decided to flip a switch: “Yeah, we’ve gotten through all the designer-child-of-the-week subplots, so it’s time for our mahou shoujo to start crying buckets of tears.” That’s not organic storytelling.

Throughout the first episode, the story repeatedly hammers home the point that the capital city is one messed-up place. Tatsumi, our initially doe-eyed protagonist, thinks he’s going to find a job in the city in order to help secure the financial well-being of his village. People repeatedly tell him, however, that city is rotting from the inside out. Those danger beasts he’s been slaying apparently have nothing on the true monstrosity of the people he’ll soon encounter. Sure enough, Tatsumi is eventually taken in by Aria, a well-to-do young lady, and her family. He thinks she’s all kind-hearted and everything, but he eventually learns the truth: this is a household full of sick, twisted sadists. In fact, Aria has been luring unsuspecting villagers much like Tatsumi himself into her home. Then once they’ve fallen for her trap, she and her family tortures them. Oh by the way, two of these victims just so happen to be Tatsumi’s friends from his village. Boy, this sounds like it’s going to be a dark anime! There’s just, uh, one small problem: it feels as though half of Akame ga Kill!‘s first episode desperately wants to be a comedy.

The way I see it, the story — at least in the very first episode — doesn’t really give a shit about the victims. Oh sure, Night Raid’s stated purpose is to go after the corrupted ranks among the rich and the powerful. Oh, I guess I should explain what Night Raid even is. It’s a group of assassins comprised of hot babes and some schmucks, and they like to target people much like Aria. If it was just unfair taxation or labor exploitation, however, we’d have no story. No, that isn’t quite right. We’d still have a story, but it just wouldn’t be a story that most people would want to see. Imagine going through all the motions to mount a protest, stage a labor walk-out, petition for new laws, etc. Gosh, wouldn’t that be boring? Yo, we want blood to spurt all over the place. We want limbs to go flying through air as if they weigh practically nothing. We want our characters to strike a pose after they’ve thrown a spear cleanly through a complicit guard’s neck. Let’s just come right out and say it: we want to kill.

That’s fine. The word ‘kill’ is even in the title. I didn’t go into this expecting to see sunshine, rainbows, and peaceful mediation between two sides. Still, there’s something off-putting about how the story’s been set up. Y’see, exploiting the poor and the weak certainly is evil, but we need superevil. We need evil so evil that executions aren’t just an unfortunate necessity. They become fun. These bastards’ deaths become a show and a dramatic one at that. Most of all, we need the poor and the weak to suffer so that we can have an excuse to hack some evil bitches up. Sayo and Ieyasu are the prime examples of this. Their deaths hardly even linger around long enough in the consciousness to leave any sort of emotional impact. Rather, they simply provide our hero with a quick and dirty impetus to immediately do an about-face and take Aria’s life. As soon after he does so, he is whisked away by the members of Night Raid. As our hero disappears into the darkness with his newfound allies, we hear him scream, “What’s up with this turn of events?! What’s going to happen to me?” Y’know, like this is some whacky shounen story.

There’s nothing wrong with mixing humor and the taboo, per se. Basically, this would give birth to what we commonly know as dark comedy. The thing is, however, what we get in this first episode isn’t dark comedy. In other words, the humor in the show isn’t actually trying to shine an ironic spotlight on the ugliness of human nature. Instead, the two elements are compartmentalized, and I don’t think that’s a good thing. On the one hand, we have a storehouse full of tortured victims. Tatsumi even sees one of his friends hanging naked and brutalized before him. On the other hand, we have these wacky moments which have nothing to do with the murders themselves. Dark comedy involves making light of serious subject matters. Why? Because they are so serious. Often times, we avoid the taboo because it’s too horrific to confront. As a result, dark comedy allows us to explore these topics in a safer, less traumatic environment. But like I’ve said, the humor in this first episode is kept separate from the actual horror of the story.

It’s actually typical anime humor, to be quite honest. Oh look, women sure do love to go shopping, haha. That giant present that Aria just bought is wacky! Hey, the Shredder-looking guy isn’t as intimidating as he looks! He might even be a little fruity! Watch yourself, Tatsumi! Man, isn’t Akame kind of deadpan in her responses? Oh, that incorrigible girl! So like I’ve said, while we do get both comedy and the macabre within a single episode, they never actually touch each other. It thus isn’t interested in making light of the dark and the taboo, thereby allowing us to explore these grave and serious issues. But that’s not even the problem. Rather, the real issue is how this ends up making those same serious subjects seem, well, insignificant but not in a good way. The humor doesn’t add anything to the show’s darkness. Rather, it distracts us from it. It makes Sayo and Ieyasu’s deaths feel like an aside, a footnote, a minor detail in the grand scheme of things. And when you have the poor and the weak being poisoned and tortured in some storehouse, I’m not sure how well that sits with me.

It’s not as though I want a grimdark series. After all, I’ve just extolled the virtues of dark comedy a mere couple paragraphs ago. As a result, I’d have no problems if the first episode had actually been chock full of black humor. The issue at the moment is that the anime doesn’t seem to know what it wants to be. At times, it feels like a generic shounen series with all the generic shounen hijinks that we’ve come to expect and dread. At other times, however, it’s a story about a group of well-intentioned assassins going after villains that would put some of history’s most notorious serial killers to shame. I mean, c’mon, we have a storehouse full of tortured villagers, and this is just the first episode. What’s next? Mengele-esque human experimentation? Look, if Naruto‘s your thing, that’s no sweat off my back. To each his or her own, y’know. I just don’t think a Naruto-Shigurui crossover would necessarily make for a very good story. I’m not saying that Akame ga Kill! is very similar to either of those two series. I’m just saying that putting humor and taboo subjects side-by-side, but refusing to let them mix is a strange way to go about it.

Anyway, I can only hope that future episodes will get a better handle of what Akame ga Kill! truly wants to be. And if humor is going to stick around, I hope it’ll be used in a meaningful way, and not just some cheap visual gag that has nothing to do with the overall story. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to spruce up the animation quality a bit. What we see in this week’s episode is honestly kind of mediocre.

Futaba keeps going on and on about how Kou has changed, but I’m like, “Hey, I like his new personality!” Okay, maybe I wouldn’t have come right out and call Futaba’s relationship with her friends cheap and fake, but honestly, is is cheap and fake. I mean, just take a look at the situation. She’s pretending to be someone’s she’s not just so she can have friends. She’s purposefully alienating herself from guys just so that her classmates wouldn’t get jealous of her. And sure, most of us have a private persona and a public persona. Most of us act somewhat differently when we’re with friends as opposed to our family or loved ones. But Futaba goes to the extremes: “I just try to overeat to try to reduce my feminine appeal…” Are having friends that important to her? Yeah, probably.

Nah, I get it. I’m in my mid-twenties, I’ve settled into my life, I know what I want to be, I know who’s important to me, blah blah blah. So of course, putting myself in Futaba’s shoes, I wouldn’t give a fuck if some girls hated me simply ’cause I’m too feminine or that I get all the attention from the boys in class. For an unsure freshman girl in her first year of high school — and she’s probably been told before that it’s weird how she doesn’t have any friends — it’s not quite so easy. As a result, I understand why she has to pretend to be someone she’s not. Like she says, she needs it. I don’t personally agree that she does need it, but that won’t change the fact how she feels. Y’know, peer pressure and all that jazz. Plus, it doesn’t look like she has the proper support system at the moment to deal with being the odd one out. Still, I can’t disagree with Kou: her relationships are cheap.

Hitting the reset button. Changing oneself completely to become more popular. Making sure you have a shining high school life. These are such common themes in shoujo romances. Not only that, the female classmates in these stories are almost always portrayed in such a petty light. Futaba says she doesn’t want to feel as though she’s alone anymore, but do you really want to be friends with people who will shit-talk a girl they’ve never even talked to? Not only that, she’s been on the other end of the shit-talking. So she should know how much it sucks. Nevertheless, she’s okay with crossing over to the other side… The thing is, you can see where Kou is coming from. As creepy as it might sound, he’s been observing her for the first two terms of their freshman year. He may not know she’s just pretending to be someone she’s not because she’s afraid of being alone, but he can probably still tell that there’s something not quite right about what he sees.

Yeah, they’ve both changed, but if I had to guess right now with the information we’ve been given, Kou’s personality shift is likely a result of his parents’s divorce. I’m just not surprised he’s become more acerbic and cynical. As for Futaba, there’s nothing wrong with a girl choosing to be less feminine, but if it comes out Futaba has only changed so that she could befriend people who wouldn’t have given her the time of day before, well, she won’t come off in a very good light. She may not be talking shit about Yuri, the pretty girl in her class, but her friends are. And people have ears, y’know. If Kou has really been observing Futaba this entire time, I doubt he’ll not have noticed the shit her friends have been spewing. So from his perspective, it’s like, “Why are you even friend with these people? That’s your biggest change right there.”

And I find it funny when Futaba remarks to herself, “He helps me, then treats me cruelly. I don’t understand him.” What’s there to understand? If you see an innocent person being accused of theft, wouldn’t you step in and help them out? If you see that justice has not been done — because the old lady seems to think she’s too good to apologize to Futaba even though the girl has been exonerated — wouldn’t you say something yourself to rectify the situation? Basically, Kou is the blunt sort of person who calls it the way he sees it. Maybe he does it too much. Maybe he can be asshole about it at times — like when he insulted Futaba’s relationships with her friends right to her face — but nevertheless, he doesn’t shy away from what he thinks is right. The old lady had wronged Futaba, so Kou stepped in. Kou thinks Futaba’s friendships are shallow, so he makes his feelings be known. I’m not saying it’s right to always speak your mind, but I can at least respect his straightforwardness.

On the other hand, I’m not sure I can think very highly of Futaba. After all, we’ve been over how she’s willing to put on a front just so that she could befriend people who are, well, just not very nice. What’s even worse, however, is her blatant inaction, especially when you compare her to Kou. When her friends were trashing Yuri, the pretty girl, did Futaba tell them to stop? Nah. She merely thinks to herself how she’s totally not like Yuri anymore, and thank god for that! And back to the “He helps me, then treats me cruelly” thing. What does that even mean? Should we only help each other if we want to be nice? The way I see it, even though Kou doesn’t very much approve of what Futaba has become, he still has a strong enough moral compass to step in and do the right thing. I understand the need to put on a public face in order to get some friends. But where do you draw the line? When your friends are trashing a poor girl for no good reason, why don’t you do the right thing?

Anyway, interesting start to the anime. I might blog it for the rest of the season just to follow Futaba’s character development. Honesty, I don’t really care too much about Kou’s character, ’cause you know how it is. Oh, is this a shoujo romance? Oh, is the love interest a jerk? Wow, that’s new. Of course, the show may add interesting nuances to his character in the weeks to come. Maybe the reason why his personality has changed completely will be powerful, deep, or whatever. But as always, I’ll worry about it when I get there. For the moment, I’m fascinated with Futaba’s current situation. I want to know where her character goes from here. I want to see her (hopefully) do the right thing.

This week, I’m covering more shows than I normally would. After all, it’s the start of a new season, so why not try as many of these forgettable shows as we can? Needless to say, I probably won’t keep up with something like Hanayamata for the rest of the season unless you guys are just that interesting in seeing what I have to say about it.

Bakumatsu Rock Ep. 1

As I watched the episode, I kept waiting for something wild to happen, but I don’t know, everything just felt kind of by-the-numbers. Sure, there aren’t very many anime series about Bakumatsu era rockers, but still, this is no Uta no Prince-sama. I just found the first episode incredibly tame. We’re in some alternate universe where only Heaven’s Songs are condoned. But y’see, our main character Ryoma is a rocker, and rockers are free spirits by nature. As such, he’s going to rock your world with his rebellious, passionate music. You’d think a show like this would be a little cheesy or a little campy, though. Sadly, nothing really made me laugh. It was just one boring sequence of events until the big performance at the end of the episode. For a second, it was kind of funny when the power of rock made them all go shirtless, but that’s about it. Yeah, yeah, I know the main appeal here are the hunky bishes, so hey, take everything I’m saying with a grain of salt. Since I’m not into hunky bishes, the only way the show will appeal to me is if it turns up the craziness. Well, I didn’t get enough of it in the first episode.

Barakamon Ep. 1

So I guess our hero tried to keep it real, but it didn’t work out so well for him. As a result, his father has sent him to some quaint island in the boonies to unwind. Well, that’s not quite fair. Kyushu’s not the boonies. Still, he now has to shit in a pit toilet, so that’s not very cool. If you ask me, nothing about his new home seems all that relaxing, especially when he opens a closet to find a little girl hidden in it. Still, it’s a commonly held belief that going out into the country will bring peace to the mind or something. Personally, I’m a city guy. I like the hustle and bustle of a metropolis’s downtown. Still, I’ve heard theories about how humans aren’t supposed to live in cities. Some guy even studied the effects overpopulation would have on rats. This is just one of the many things he observed:

Among the males the behavior disturbances ranged from sexual deviation to cannibalism and from frenetic overactivity to a pathological withdrawal from which individuals would emerge to eat, drink and move about only when other members of the community were asleep.

Boy, the bolded part sounds familiar. But what am I saying? Those were rats, and we’re humans. Plus, all Seishu did was punch an old man out. Sure, he’s a little high-strung, but we have no idea if that’s due to him living in a city or not. I just went off on a tangent, because the topic interests me and this anime doesn’t. Whoops. It’s just that I’ve seen enough of this type of show before. Gee, a man gets in touch with himself by befriending or caring for a little girl? Gah. But look at what a free spirit she is! She teaches him how to create an air bubble with his shirt in order to stay afloat in the water. How quirky! Then afterwards, he can learn the value of the communal spirit from his neighbors! You can’t get that in the big city! Anyway, these boring slice-of-life shows are not for me.

DRAMAtical Murder Ep. 1

I have no idea what I just watched. Our hero Aoba lives on an island, but it seems no one can leave the island without permission? Why? Most of the young men on the island seem to be divided up into the various gangs. Again, why? Everyone appears to have these talking animals. Are they robots or what? But when these talking animals go into their online mode, they take on a humanoid appearance? Well, Ren, Aoba’s talking Pomeranian, sure did. Anyway, young men are getting caught up in some sort of cyber game. It’s called Rhyme, and when you play it, you enter a virtual battlefield in order to do battle. But like most virtual games in fiction, if you take damage in Rhyme, you also get injured in real life. Apparently, that’s not supposed to be the case, but something weird is going on! But yeah, the anime tried to cram a ton of information into a single episode, and the result is that I have no idea what I just watched. Plus, the mystery itself isn’t very compelling so far. If we had opened with an actual murder, then maybe my interest would be piqued. But at the moment, my impression of the anime is pretty meh. It’s colorful, at least.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun Ep. 1

Between this and Ao Haru Ride, I actually enjoyed this “romance” more. I don’t know, I like its light-hearted energy. At times, the corny jokes even made me smile. Had this been a more serious story, Chiyo’s inability to confess her feelings would get old quick. Hell, it’d probably get old by the end of the first episode. Seriously, how many times are we going to use the autograph joke? And of course, there are things about the premise that I don’t buy. For example, Umetaro is really tall and manly. Yes, that’s probably why Chiyo has a crush on him, but when he speaks, he sounds like a man in his fucking 30s. Not only that, like Chiyo, he’s never been in a relationship before. Nevertheless, he’s this well-respected shoujo mangaka whose works really speak to young girls across Japan? Well, like I’ve said, if this had been a serious romance, we’d have a problem. But I’m not viewing Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun as a shoujo romance. For me so far, it’s a harmless, occasionally brainless comedy that’ll help me kill some time on Sunday nights. That’s more than I can say for a lot of shows.

Glasslip Ep. 1

I think I must have tried watching this episode four times on four different occasions before I finally got through it. And y’know what? I still found myself pausing it every now and then to read something on the internet. Anyway, Glasslip is a P.A. Works anime, so it has a familiar air about it but not in a good way. For one, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve seen this heroine before. She just has the courtesy to go by a different name each and every single time I see her. Still, none of what I’ve said so far really gets to the biggest problem, which is that outside of the conversation between Touka and Kakeru midway through the episode, everything else was a complete and utter bore. Speaking of Kakeru, the first episode tries too hard to make him seem mysterious with all the cryptic remarks and those tortured stares he gives Touka. Yeesh. Anyway…

Yeah, yeah, aside from the new kid, they’re all close friends, so of course, they’re going to be all buddy buddy with each other in the first episode. Still, the only slightest hint of tension to be found between these friends is the potential love triangle involving Touka, Yuki, and Yanagi. Y’see, Yanagi’s jealous of Touka, because Yuki seems to have feelings for the latter. Have I mentioned that Yanagi and Yuki are step-siblings? Oh boy! But I digress. Back to my original point, every single scene lulled me to sleep except for when Kakeru talked to Touka about, uh, chickens. Yes, somehow, a conversation about chickens is the highlight of the episode. That’s just not right, man. I don’t want Angstfest 2000, but give me a little something to chew on. One short conversation and maybe a love triangle isn’t enough to carry a 24-minute episode

Anyway, this is only a one-cour series (I think), and Kakeru will supposedly to flip these friends’ lives upside-down. He better get started, ’cause we’ve already wasted an entire episode on chickens. Just look at them all stare at each other, though. Shit’s about to get real! Well, one can only hope.

Hanayamata Ep. 1

Oh, I don’t know about that. So from what I can tell, which isn’t much because I found this episode incredibly boring, Naru is one of the most pathetic anime characters in recent history. She considers herself extremely average, which in itself should be a blessing. After all, she could be a whole lot worse than average. Even so, the girl is as meek as they come. You feel like every single thing about her is as weak and flimsy as tissue paper. Man, that’s fun to watch. Despite this, American transfer student Hana N. Fountainstand — yes, her last name is Fountainstand — stalks our heroine throughout most of the episode, hoping to recruit the girl into the exciting world of yosakoi dancing. I looked up a few Youtube clips of yosakoi. What I found seemed kind of fun.

This anime isn’t fun, though. It feels like Madhouse’s take on a certain anime series, except the main twist here is that it’s all about traditional Japanese dancing. We even have one of the girls attempt to start a rock band, but I’m sure her best laid plans will ultimately fall by the wayside. This way, she can join Naru and the unlikeliest American transfer student ever in yosakoi. Yay! And oh yeah, the other twist is dealing with the main character’s insufferable lack of self-confidence: “Some people are empty, like me.” Talk about dramatic. Yo, take it to anime Lifetime. I’ve got no time for this. Anyway, this anime says nothing to me — not that I expected the first episode to change my mind, of course — so I say good riddance. Nice animation, though.

Re:_Hamatora Ep. 1

What a silly title for a sequel. I only watched the first season intermittently. There were, unfortunately, one too many self-contained episodes for my liking. Now, certain shows can pull this off, but even that’s debatable, because even a show like Cowboy Bebop can’t avoid that same criticism. Still, if you have strong characters that the audience can identify with, and a rich, detailed universe to put around them, you’re off to a solid start. At best, however, the first season of Hamatora was a poor man’s X-Men. Can the sequel hope to be any better? Well, when we last left off, Art showed up at the last minute even though everyone thought he was dead, killed Moral, then turned his gun onto Nice. The anime then faded to black as we heard a shot ring out. Oh dear, did the main character of the series just get himself killed? Of course not. Not only is he the main character of the series, if Art isn’t dead, then why would Nice be dead? For most of Re:_Hamatora‘s first episode, however, the anime would like you to pretend as though he is dead. Just play along with us. It won’t hurt! We’ll just waste an entire episode on the characters trying to move on from Nice’s death only for him to show up at the last minute! Excellent writing. I mean, c’mon, nobody out there believes that the main character would die in such a shitty, anti-climactic way, so why waste everybody’s time going through the motions?

From what I can tell, the storytelling in the second season is no different from the first season. The narrative is just too unfocused. It’s all over the place as we bounce from one goofball character to the next. This week, there’s some drama surrounding a Minimum Holder who claims he has a Light Speed Minimum. Obviously, he doesn’t, because that would violate the laws of physics. Rather, he can bend light to alter his appearance. As a result, he’s really an ugly guy posing as a super hot, attractive male idol, and this–… Ah, I’m boring myself just talking about such an insignificant character. Of course, I would be talking about Nice’s sudden resurrection instead, but, uh… y’see, he literally comes back out of nowhere. There isn’t even a build-up to it. It’s just like, “Yo, Torander-kun was Nice all along.” So how did he survive Art’s shot to the head? Did the attack even hospitalize him? Why even pretend to be dead? Is Nice trying to make Art believe that he had succeeded? These are all questions that could have made for a compelling first episode to the new season — clean, new slate and all that jazz — but as before, Hamatora can’t help but focus its attention on self-contained stories that just aren’t that interesting in practice. So again, all of the actual plot development only ever happens at the end of any given episode. That’s just not satisfying storytelling in my eyes.

For what it’s worth, the animation seems to be a step up from the first season, but I’m not surprised. A different studio is handling the adaptation this time around. Still, I had hoped this change would have also improved the story, but it seems there’s only so much lipstick you can put on a pig.

The movie works and it doesn’t work. But before I explain what I mean by this, let me just say that this post assumes you already know what the big plot twist is. If you don’t, then you probably shouldn’t read the rest of what I’m about to write. Alright then, so how do I really feel about Hal? I mean, I get what the story is going for, and a lot of it makes quite a bit of sense. Kurumi’s death was so painful to Hal that he buried his memories away, withdrawing himself from the world. Basically, he’s become a robot. So what do we do? Well, we’ll have our own little Pinocchio moment where the “toy” becomes a real boy. Ah, but therein lies the rub! Our “toy” was a real boy all along! He just has “reprogram” himself. He just has to relearn what it means to be alive, to have fun, to feel, etc. And how do we do that? By wiping the slate clean, and starting back at square one. By having Hal solve his trauma one step — or rather, one side — at a time. There’s a reason why the story makes liberal use of the Rubik’s Cube motif.

Put it this way: shortly after a major trauma, our thoughts, feelings, and memories are all a jumble. We try and try and try, but we just can’t seem to sort out what’s truly important to us. The puzzle’s too hard to solve (the pain is too much), and we seem to devise a solution (we withdraw from the world). More specifically, however, we don’t have a solution to the entire puzzle, and Hal’s “therapists” seem to acknowledge this. For sure, solving a 5-by-5 Rubik’s Cube in one go is a daunting task. Likewise, getting over a major trauma, especially the death of one’s love and the guilt associated with it, is a daunting task. So instead, we have to take a different approach. We have to make the healing process gradual and thus manageable. As such, we often see Hal and the villagers solve the Rubik’s Cube one and only one face at a time. In doing so, Hal unlocks a new message from his past (as paradoxical as that sounds, thereby allowing him to confront his past life, his past memories, and his past traumas one step at a time. Who was Hal? What was Hal like? What was the relationship between Hal and Kurumi like? For a patient to face everything head on, it’s just too much. But if we take the healing process step-by-step, Hal can slowly become the “real boy” he always, well, was. So honestly, this is the part of the story that I like. What I don’t like is how they utilized Q-01′s character, but I’ll save that to the very end. First, let me bitch about the less important things.

I don’t have a problem with Hal thinking that he’s a robot. Like I’ve explained above, I understand the strategy being employed. I understand what this Pinocchio-esque therapy hopes to accomplish. Nevertheless, when I really think about it, the twist completely takes me out of the story. Why? Because how on earth does Hal not realize that he’s human? Sure, sure, the whole robot thing is an escape mechanism, but think about it for a second. The plot events unfold themselves over the course of a few days, I imagine. Maybe even longer than that. Essentially, the healing process takes time. So at no point during this whole thing does Hal ever realize, “Um, I’m kind of hungry?” Is that not a clue that he’s not a robot? Okay, okay, maybe robots in this universe are advanced enough to be able to eat human food. Unlikely, but not impossible. What about Hal’s bodily functions then? Did he not have to take a piss throughout the course of the film? Did he not have to take a shit? Surely, you can’t tell me they gave robots the ability to take a human shit, can you? I know I’m being crude, but I’m telling you, the narrative immersion went flying out of the window as soon as I realized what the twist was (there was plenty of foreshadowing leading up to it). I mean, how can you possibly explain this? Did Hal so wholeheartedly believe that he was a robot to the point that his mind went blank whenever he had to go to the restroom to do his business?

The other thing that bothered me was the sudden chase scene near end of the film, followed by the contrived tragedy to pile onto all the other shit that Hal has to deal with (not only did his girlfriend die, he was abandoned by his parents, he’s been debt-ridden and poor all his life, etc.). For forty minutes, the film had been this slow and contemplative deconstruction of a young man’s life. All of a sudden, action! Violence! Danger! Yeah, again, I get what the story is going for. Eventually, Hal’s dark past will catch up to him, necessitating that he confront it head on. But was a chase scene really the way to do it? And throughout Hal and Kurumi’s attempted getaway, did they not once consider asking anyone around them for help? “Yo, these shady people are trying to kidnap Kurumi! Could you help us out?” Of course not. Because time is running out, and Hal needs to recover his memories now. As a result, Ryu will literally knock some sense into him through a series of brutal punches to the face. Then to top it all off, Kurumi — or should I say, Q-01 — has to die in order for Hal to accept that his girlfriend was already dead. So the impression I get here is this. Yeah, yeah, therapy takes time. Getting over your emotional traumas takes time. So y’know what? Go have fun. Go dress up in a yukata and go to the festival. Go–… oops, we’re out of time. Here, have some blunt physical trauma in the hopes that you get over your emotional trauma.

Finally, let’s get to the real crux of the problem: not only does Q-01 go from being an inquisitive, child-like robot to a convincing simulation of Hal’s former girlfriend in such a short period of time, I don’t see any narrative value in killing the robot off. I get why Kurumi has to die in order for Hal to move on, but Q-01 is not Kurumi. I mean, we never really see the real Kurumi. Rather, we only see her through photos, videos, and Hal’s flashbacks. For the most part, however, that makes sense. After all, she’s dead, and that’s a fact that Hal has to accept. The problem is, other than a very brief moment at the start of the film, we never get to see the real Q-01 either. Despite being one of the main characters, the poor robot spends most of the film pretending to be someone else. In a story all about a “robot” learning what it means to be alive, it doesn’t sit right with me how Q-01 ends up being nothing more than a disposable tool in Hal’s healing process. We never really get a good sense of who Q-01 is or how it really feels about everything. If Q-01 hopes Hal will regain the will to live, then why did it give up on its own life so easily? It came along to fix Hal’s problems, then when it is no longer needed, the story discards it. Hell, Q-01′s “Pinocchio moment” is to serve as Hal’s catharsis and nothing more.

Sigh… I don’t know. I like what the film tried to do. Although a lot of people complained about the pacing in the first half of the film, I actually didn’t mind it. I like the idea of peeling back the layers of Hal’s character. His situation even reminds me of Joel’s story in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. There, a guy also wanted to lose his memories of his girlfriend, but instead of death being the catalyst, they had merely gone through a painful breakup. As he was getting his memories erased, however, Joel also got to relive them one last time. Through the course of the film, he slowly realized that there were a lot of happy memories between him and his girlfriend that he actually didn’t want to lose. As a result, he had made a mistake. The same sort of thing is happening here. Hal wants to withdraw from the world because the trauma of Kurumi’s death is too painful, especially when you consider how their last moment together was an argument. With the help of Q-01, photo albums, recorded videos, etc., Hal slowly realizes, however, that he had shared a lot of happy moments with Kurumi, and he should probably hold onto them. And like with Joel, choosing to forget his life with Kurumi was a mistake.

That being said, I just don’t like the film’s execution. I think the chase scene is unnecessary. I don’t like the twist, because intended or not, it tells me that the story doesn’t have enough confidence in Hal’s healing process to play it straight. So instead, we’ll take the cheap and easy way out and hit you with a plot twist. Not only that, there are too many elements in the story that I just don’t find believable. Therefore, I couldn’t lose myself in the Hal‘s universe as much as I wanted to. Most of all, Q-01′s fate doesn’t sit well with me. Too bad, really. The parts that do work are pretty good.

I’d say Terror in Resonance started off with a bang, but that’d be a little too corny, wouldn’t it? Nevertheless, the story is off to an exciting start, to say the least. As wary as I am about the premise involving two mischievous high-school-aged boys — they’re even represented as a pair of crows in the ED — there’s little to complain about elsewhere. The narrative is tight and fast-paced, and never once does the opening episode rely upon unnecessary exposition to establish its universe. The end result is… somewhat refreshing. If Terror in Resonance can keep this up for an entire season, I’ll be quite impressed.

As I’m sure you already know, the story revolves around Nine and Twelve, and how their terrorist attacks on Japan will change the complacent nation forever. Lisa, our heroine, is unluckily pulled into their world by being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Nine and Twelve take notice of the girl mostly because of her eyes: “…Lisa Mishima has eyes like those kids at the institution.” Nevertheless, I don’t think there’s anything else remarkable about the girl and that’s the point. After all, she’s the character we’re meant to identify with. Whereas the boys are enigmatic, super-intelligent terrorists with a dark past, Lisa is an often bullied but otherwise normal high school girl. Yes, she eventually becomes an accomplice in their schemes, but she gets pulled into their world because of a series of unfortunate circumstances. Terror in Resonance is thus making a statement that this could’ve been any one of us. If we had been through what she’s been through, we, too, could find ourselves on the wrong side of tracks.

The problem is that there’s no one to help kids like Lisa. No one notices the torment that she goes through every single day. No one but the boys, that is. But why only the boys? Seeing as how they’re escapees from some mysterious institute, that should tell you right there that the boys have undergone their own personal trials as well. So perhaps it takes one tormented soul to notice another one, but that shouldn’t be the case. It is the case only because the rest of the world have turned a blind eye to them. And it isn’t a stretch at all to say that victims of abuse will eventually lash out against the people and the world around them. We’ve seen this over and over in other first world nations. The United States itself has constantly had to deal with school shootings and murderous rampages committed by perpetrators who, in hindsight, desperately needed society’s help. Yes, these crimes are far less likely to occur in Japan, but even so, that’s no reason to be complacent.

Just because tragedies are less likely to occur in Japan does not mean that people should ignore the signs of potential abuse. But they have. Nine and Twelve are a bit of a unique circumstance. Like I’ve said, they are escapees from some mysterious institute that most people likely know nothing about. As a result, it’s hard to say society could’ve helped them, but we’ll see as the story develops. Nevertheless, who knows what they’ve been through? All we know is that they are now lashing out against the world. I don’t know what their ultimate goals are, but they are currently sending a message. Even the school shootings in America were about sending a message. And since people have turned a blind eye to Lisa for so long — I’m sure someone at her school must’ve noticed how lonely she’s been even if they can’t tell she’s being bullied — she has now fallen into the boys’ world. Just by being at the wrong place at the wrong time — a mistake anyone could make — Lisa is now an accomplice.

Does she have it within her to put millions of lives in danger? She probably doesn’t think so, and few of us would say that about ourselves either, but again, that’s the point. Even though it is still very early in the story, if there’s anything Terror in Resonance wants to say, it’s that this could’ve been one of us. Anyone could find themselves taking a plunge into the abyss, and the real problem is that the rest of us are not paying attention. Early in the episode, we see a bunch of mean girls taunt and bully Lisa. “Fly high,” the girls say, but in reality, they want the girl to embarrass herself and jump into the school pool with her clothes on. They were nice enough to let her take off her shoes and socks, I guess. In a way, I suppose Twelve ends up saving her by taking the plunge into the pool himself. In the distance, we see Nine observing the entire situation stoically. This scene foreshadows a similar scene near the end of the episode.

As the boys’ terrorist attack on Shinjuku is underway, Lisa finds herself in a familiar situation: she has no choice but to jump. She’ll have to leap into Twelve’s arms if she wants to survive. Nevertheless, she’ll become an accomplice if she does. If the boys are ever caught, so too will she. Nine even tells her that there’s no going back, i.e. she’s lost her innocence. Not only that, right before Lisa jumps, she hears her classmates telling her to “[f]ly high.” In both cases, you could say Twelve saves her. In both cases, you could say Nine is observing from a distance. In both cases, she is told by others to take the plunge. In first example, she’ll merely jump into a pool at first glance. In the second example, she’ll jump into complicity, forever linked to these boys’ horrible crime. If the first scene foreshadows the second scene, then perhaps the pool is more meaningful than we think. Rather, the pool represents the deep end or the harrowing abyss.

Although Lisa did not literally jump into the pool at the start of the episode, we can already assume that she has been drowning in her despair for quite some time now. After all, this probably isn’t the first time those girls have bullied her. Not only that, the ED features Lisa drowning in a body of water before a hand reaches out and saves her. So like I’ve said, she’s already in the abyss. She just now discovers that there are other people in there with her. But there’s even more to this metaphor. In both cases, again, she’s being goaded by others to jump. In the first scene, her classmates are her abusers, teasing and taunting her. If they had been nice to her, perhaps she wouldn’t be as lonely as she is now. And if she wasn’t as lonely as she is now, she probably never would’ve caught the boys’ attention. In the second scene, the boys have assumed the mean girls’ roles. Yes, they “save” her, but their actions put her in danger in the first place. If she wants to live, she thus has no choice but to listen to them. Lisa ends up jumping from one group of abusers to another.

Stray observations:

– In another way, we are accomplices. We don’t watch Terror in Resonance hoping that the boys don’t succeed in their plans. I mean, perhaps later in the story, we’ll hope that they get caught. But right now? We do want to see Tokyo get rocked with explosions. We do want to see their acts of terror succeed. We wouldn’t have a story otherwise. Nevertheless, by even paying attention, we help to set the events in motion.

– So Nine and Twelve are escapees from an institute. We even see them break into a Nuclear Fuel Reprocessing Facility, which must be no easy task. They’ve also planned out the attack on Shinjuku for quite some time now. Therefore, these two boys are very capable and very highly intelligent. Have they been experimented on? Are they special in some way? Perhaps they are not even entirely human. The possibilities are endless at the moment.

– Speaking of the Nuclear Fuel Reprocessing Facility, Nine and Twelve stole something very dangerous — dangerous enough that their pursuers were afraid to open fire on the two boys. Well, what would an anime about terrorism be without an atomic bomb rearing its ugly head at some point?

– What does VON mean or stand for?

– I thought it was an impressive bit of animation when we got the first-person perspective of the boys escaping on the snowmobile.

– The boys hide their bombs in Kururin, some generic, cutesy mascot. This is subversive in a way, because cuteness has often been used by the authorities to shape public perception in Japan, i.e. “authority cuteness.” The boys are using that same cuteness to attack the power structures of Japan. This is literally represented by skyscrapers — amalgamations of steel, concrete, and human ingenuity — crashing down to the ground, turning into dust and debris. Skyscrapers are part of what makes Tokyo an iconic city, after all. More importantly, however, Shinjuku represents an important commercial and administrative center in Tokyo. I mean, does this building look familiar to you?

It should:

It’s the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building. Cuteness is, therefore, being used to undermine authority.

– Does Twelve have an unnaturally keen sense of smell?

– Things seem to come in pairs in this first episode. Lisa, for instance, finds herself escaping to the restroom twice. She also feels sick in them twice. She even dumps her lunch into the toilet in the first instance. Is this a sign of some sort of eating disorder?

– Nine seems to be haunted by his dreams. Is Twelve less affected by their past, or is he just better at hiding his trauma, especially with his super positive personality? Is his cheerful demeanor just a facade or is it real?

– Nine mentions that they were too weak to save their friends, but things are different now. Is terrorism thus a display of power?

– In the panic and chaos, we see Twelve mocking the children’s fear. Just another sign that he’s a bit of a bully himself.

Mother, please… this is highly inappropriate. The OP all but confirms that Rize will maintain a strong presence throughout the story. She’ll continue to play the role of the seductress as she tries to corrupt Ken, because, after all, what he ultimately becomes is important to him. She wants him to give in to his base desires; she wants him to lose control. Control is, after all, what sets her apart from the nicer ghouls like Touka and Nishimura. It’s hardly a surprise, therefore, that even when she was once alive, Rize was known for her binge eating. But why does she so badly want to corrupt Ken? What’s in it for her? The truth is, she is both his seductress and his progenitor. This duality is key to bot her and the main character.

Our hero has one foot in each world: he’s both a human and a ghoul. He has the base desires of a ghoul, but the moral framework of a human. But there’s more to it than that. Nishiki repeatedly makes note of Ken’s femininity. First, he accuses the protagonist of stinking like a female ghoul. Second, when Ken charges at Nishiki, the latter taunts, “Seriously? Attacking with your bag? What are you, a woman?!” Ken is a guy on the surface, but there are nevertheless female organs within him. In this sense, he’s half-man and half-woman. Still, we can take this duality even further. When Ken finally snaps, he attacks Nishiki much in the same way that Rize would. At least in this very episode, Ken’s powers are Rize’s powers. As a result, he’s half-Ken and half-Rize.

It starts to make sense, then, why Rize is so hellbent on corrupting our hero. Like him, there’s a duality to her nature: she’s dead, but then again, she’s not. Even though her body is no more, she continues to live on within both Ken’s body and mind. For the most part, Rize can only mentally torture him whenever he starts to fall ill to his hunger. When our protagonist truly loses control and goes into a rampage, however, that’s when she physically comes out. Ken represents Rize’s legacy. So what would she rather have him become? A nice, little half-ghoul who plays nice with Anteiku, or a ravenous binge eater like she once was? When Ken is all set to give in, her real self comes out as you can see in the screenshot above.

Stray observations:

– Touka says, “…starvation for a ghoul is utter hell.” So again, there’s the drug angle. I mean, hunger feels pretty bad, but utter hell? That has to be withdrawal. So of course, Yoshimura hands Ken a nondescript package, and tells the guy to come back to him should he ever run out. It’s evocative of illicit drug use. If we run with the idea that Rize represents the hero’s mother (yes, I know he had a real mother that has since passed away), then Ken is like a crack baby who must now suffer as a result of his mother’s crimes.

– The episode makes liberal use of the characters’ reflections: Ken sees himself in his cup of coffee, Yoshimura sees himself in his jars of coffee beans, Touka sees herself on the surface of a table, we see Ken shuddering from withdrawal from the surface of his TV screen, etc. The OP is full of mirror surfaces and reflections as well. Symbolically, mirrors often represent a portal between two worlds, so it’s not hard to see what the anime is going for here. Let’s use Ken’s reflection in the coffee cup as an example. He thinks he won’t enjoy coffee since he hasn’t enjoyed anything else that a human would typically consume. After all, his mental state isn’t too positive at this point in the story, so he probably thinks he’s doomed to live a life as a ghoul. To his surprise, however, when Ken takes a sip of the coffee, he finds it delicious. The coffee thus serves as a link between the two worlds, i.e. Ken exists in both worlds.

– To a lesser extent, this is true for the rest of these characters as well. While Touka and Nishiki are 100% ghoul, they have nevertheless managed to blend themselves into human society as if they were one of us. This is something Ken slowly begins to realize: “Why are these ghouls popping up around me? No, that’s not true. They were there before this all started.” Likewise, being 100% human hardly means you aren’t a monster. Is this a hint that the bizarre Mado guy we meet at the end of the episode will be one of the story’s primary antagonists? Anime is hardly subtle, and this Mado guy doesn’t appear to be a very good person. Even so, time can only tell.

– And later in the OP, we see the motif of the broken mirror, and this is probably a sign of when the characters go one way or the other. Most notably, the image “cracks” whenever we see Rize; the OP features this twice. She does, after all, want to wholly corrupt our hero. When Ken is suffering from symptoms of withdrawals, and we can see a reflection of him shaking uncontrollably on the switched-off TV, Rize moves in front of the mirror surface as if to body block the portal between the two worlds herself. Not surprisingly, she doesn’t put any importance in our hero’s existence as both human and ghoul. She wants him to be whatever she wants him to be. When Ken later gives in to Rize’s temptations, there are no reflections of him in the car window that he is pressed up against:

The portal between the two worlds has been sealed.

– More signs of Ken going through a drug withdrawal: heavy breathing and profuse sweating. Rize even says, “Once you start eating [human flesh], you won’t be able to stop.”

– At one point, Nishiki says, “And I could have taken no time at all by releasing my kagune?” His what? I assume that’s the shiny, colored shit that comes out of the ghouls when they fight.

– I’m still not keen on the action. It feels too cartoonish, especially when Nishiki is screaming, “I’m dying, dying, dying, dying….” I’m very not keen on the entire scene suddenly going negative. I mean, the fight between Ken and Nishiki wouldn’t have been so bad if it had just played out normally. Yeah, there’s just a little too much censorship in this week’s episode.

– I haven’t abandoned the sex angle. After all, illicit sex rears its ugly head when Ken and Hideyoshi goes to see Nishiki. Since duality is the main theme of the day, the story can be both about sex and drugs. The sex angle was stronger in the first episode, and the drug angle is stronger in this episode. Still, there’s no need for our interpretation of the anime to be all or nothing, i.e. one or the other. In general, Ken’s need to satiate his hunger is like an addiction to drugs. At the same time, however, Rize is hardly your average drug dealer. She’s draped all over our hero, and her hands are wandering all over the place. Likewise, her words are telling. “Come on, quickly. You can do as you like,” she says as she tries to goad Ken into feasting on his best friend’s flesh, “He’s all yours.”

– In his moment of despair, Ken cries and says, “I, who am neither human nor ghoul, am all alone. There isn’t a place for me anywhere now…!” All of a sudden, Yoshimura opens the blinds and floods with room with light. Typically, the monsters that go bump in the night will shy away from the sunlight, and this is a sign of their inherent immorality. The sunlight, of course, represents the divine. In this scene, however, the sunlight also represents hope as Yoshimura convinces Ken that his situation is not a lost cause. In other words, the divine has not turned its back to Ken and the other ghouls like one might expect. He doesn’t sparkle in the sunlight (thankfully), but he can nevertheless stand within its presence.

– Judging by this screenshot, is it safe to say Hideyoshi overhears everything?

“Even familiar landscapes will reveal a different kind of beauty if you change your viewpoint,” says Margaret in the anime’s cold opening. Gee, I wonder what she’s getting at. In any case, a post on a remake? Sure, why not? In fact, think of this as a remake of my posts on the original anime adaptation. If Atlus can do it, why can’t I? Granted, I stopped writing about the AIC ASTA adaptation after like three mere episodes, but we shouldn’t let a minor detail like that get in our way, should we? Plus, I’ll try to stick it all the way through to the end this time around. It’s not like the remake will be very long; I heard it’ll only be twelve episodes long. Along the way, I might also voice my opinions on the story as a whole and not just remake itself. But for now, we should focus on what has changed. I mean, something has to have changed, right? Why else are we watching this? Well, there’s this new character…

I never played Persona 4 Golden, but that’s only because I didn’t have a PS Vita. If it had somehow been released to a console, I’m sure I would’ve played it too. Needless to say, the new girl’s character arc — if she even has an arc — will be completely new to me. I mean, I don’t even know her name. I could look it up, but y’know, I’ll just wait for the anime to officially introduce her to me. But really? You don’t do an entire remake just to include a couple new characters, do you? Luckily for us, it seems as though the main character has changed somewhat as well. If you’re familiar with JRPGs, then you probably already know what a “new game plus” mode is. For the non-gamers amongst it, It’s like starting a new game, but this time, your stats from a previous saved file will carry over. It feels like this is what’s happening here. Right from the get-go, Yu seems more outgoing and courageous. For one thing, he certainly didn’t stand up to Moronking in the original adaptation.

For people who haven’t played the game, you actually get two choices during this scene: when Moronking’s berating you in front of the class, you can choose to either stand up to your teacher or just take his verbal punishment. The first time through the game, you will not have enough points in the Courage stat to put the asshole in his place. It’s one of things Atlus included in the game to encourage replayability. So far, therefore, the remake feels like a new game plus playthrough. This should make the story a little more refreshing for longtime fans of the game. After all, a courageous Yu is unlike most anime protagonists as they are typically wimpy and uncharismatic. It’ll be interesting if this courage will carry through to the rest of the story, though. Will Yu, for instance, brazenly flirt with any of the girls? Romantically, the original adaptation stayed relatively inert. Even so, however, is this enough to make watching the A-1 Pictures adaptation a worthwhile endeavor? Probably not. It’s a start, but we need more positive changes.

Needless to say, I won’t be poring over every single change between this adaptation and the previous one. I think that’s just unnecessary, especially since this is only going to be a one-cour series. Rather, I want to take a more relaxed approach and take a look at the bigger picture. The animation has definitely improved, especially in the scenery and backdrops. They are much more vibrant and detailed this time around. Personally, I’m not very adept at judging the voice acting, so I’ll just leave that aspect of the remake alone. Of course, seeing as how my first playthrough of the game was on the English localization, it’s still a bit weird to hear their Japanese voices. But that’s just me, probably. Moving on, the fight choreography seems to have taken a step up as well, and it’s quite necessary if the main character remains this overpowered. Yes, he is currently overpowered. Longtime fans are certainly familiar with how Yu gets his powers, but it has never been quite like this.

When Izanagi finally makes his appearance in the remake, the Japanese god ends up holding off thousands upon thousands of shadows all by his lonesome. Granted, these shadows are level one monsters in the game, but this is still a display of power far and beyond anything I had seen in the previous adaptation. Back then, Izanagi actually took a few licks from these same level one enemies. Yu’s breathing also started to labor somewhat as if battling was putting a physical and mental toll on him. Here, however, the main character remains cool and calm as his persona takes to the air to fight off a hurricane of enemies. In the aftermath, Izanagi then floats into the sky and glows with a golden light. Yosuke asks, “Who are you?” In response, Yu merely smirks and grunts. This was in the original adaptation too, but somehow, our main character seems more cocksure and arrogant than before. Oddly enough, however, the credits start to roll soon after, i.e. at just a mere 17 minutes into the episode.

We thus meet the new girl again after the credits. This time, we finally learn that her name is Marie, and I guess the main character is supposed to keep an eye on her as she recovers her memories. Apparently, she’s a young soul who knows little about the outside world, so hey, who better to lead her around than the main character himself? Eh. What do I think about her addition to the cast? I don’t know, it feels like someone took a look at the original story and pointed out how it seemed to lack a tsuntsun character. So right off the bat, Marie utters that oh-so-familiar tsuntsun phrase: “Urusai…” Even as an idol, Rise manages to fit in with the rest of the gang. Marie, however… well, let’s put it this way: she wears a choker, and attached to said choker is a padlock. So yeah… she’s certainly an odd character. Sure, it’s too early to judge her character just yet, but I’m not too optimistic about her addition to what was a complete story to begin with.

Clearly, with a new studio behind the remake, one of the many goals is to show off A-1 Pictures’ animation chops. Still, I can’t help but imagine what this will mean for the future encounters in the story. Will Yu be just as strong, or will his powers conveniently disappear just for the sake of tension and drama? Pacing-wise, however, the episodes both “end” at the same spot in the story, but not really. In order to fit in a new scene with the new girl, they left out a lot of things. For instance, the episode didn’t even introduce the main story, i.e. the murder mystery. Again, this will only be a one-cour series, so it seems as though they’ve assumed anyone watching P4: The Golden will have already known what the story is all about. This is a shame for newcomers. Even if you say they could just watch the original adaptation, AIC ASTA still ended up having to cut out quite a bit of content. With the remake looking like nothing more than “Persona 4‘s greatest hits,” I can’t help but be a touch disappointed that we won’t see how the rest of the story would’ve looked with A-1 Pictures behind the helm.

Wow, really? A terrorist attack in this anime as well? Well, alright then! The more the merrier! Unfortunately for our heroes, they have to stay behind and watch over Tokyo Station. But hey, all sorts of excitement await them. For example, they have to tell a kind, old lady where to find the platform for the bullet train. As Naoto helps the old lady out, the tsuntsun Aoi studies him carefully. Uguu, what a wholesome male lead! And yes, wholesome is the name of the game, and you won’t find a more wholesome anime than this “edutaining” series about trains–…

God, can’t you give that .gif a rest? That was then (the first episode)! This is now (the second episode)! We’ve got to put our past behind us! After all, our four friends are now looking for a crying kid’s mother! It doesn’t get any more wholesome than that–…

Okay, one boobilicious image! One! Is that all you’ve got?

W-what? You’ve never heard of train workers taking a break to eat dessert specially frozen by liquid nitrogen before?

Okay, okay, we’ll have some excitement now. It turns out the search for the bomb at Yokohama Station was nothing more than a wild goose chase, and the real bomb has been planted at Tokyo Station. You happy? Our heroes are thus in a mad rush to find the bomb before it goes off. Of course, they could just pay the 100 million yen ransom, but we don’t negotiate with terrorists–…

Oh come on! Work with me here!

Nana: “As a JNR employee, your first priority is always the customers’ safety.”

F….FINE! We’ll be mature adults then! In all seriousness, however, Nana gives our foursome a little leeway. The bomb is set to go off at 3:00 PM. As a result, our heroes have until 2:50 PM to find it. Otherwise, they’ll do the lame thing and pay the bomber. That’s pretty much how I’d describe this anime right about now. I mean, just look at Naoto’s response to Aoi when she asks him why he’s so gung-ho all of a sudden: “I just want our customers — everyone — to be able to ride the rails safely.” Oh my god, please. I know you guys are all about safety and responsibility and all that jazz, but c’mon, this is anime. Live a little. Are you telling me the only morally grey thing you’ll do is creep on the girls? Speaking of which, look at how hard that skirt is riding Aoi’s ass. But that’s the thing! The only iota of excitement in this entire anime is the fanservice! I thought this was called Rail Wars!, not Rail Bores!

Aoi continues to stare at our hero even harder right after he said that last line I quoted. Like wow, this guy was a total loser before, but look how hard he cares about the public’s safety! I’m getting wet just thinking about it! After wasting their time looking through 368 coin lockers, Aoi finally suggests the obvious: let’s look for the bomb where we’d least expect it! Yeah! Let’s think like a terrorist. Whoops, none of us are terrorists. Well, what now? Haruka suddenly gets a fortuitous call about the lost-and-found dog. Apparently, it won’t stop barking. Oh, you can see where this is going. That’s right! The bomb is in the dog carrier itself! Naoto immediately tries to get rid of the bomb, but Aoi yells at him. Duh, don’t you know that bombs are always rigged with traps! Therefore, you can’t do anything funny with it or it might go off! That’s why we’ll just…

…sit the bomb precariously atop two thin pieces of strings that we’ve hung from the ceiling… um…. what if the dog gets overexcited and jostles the carrier? What if either of those strings snaps? Aoi then crawls beneath the bomb and slices the bottom open with a box cutter. Oh c’mon. I thought she just said that the bomb could be rigged with traps. How the hell does she know she won’t be triggering any of those traps by cutting into the carrier? That’s not even the biggest problem, though. After all, how the hell is she even remotely qualified to do this? Did they train these kids how to defuse bombs at the academy as well? Not only can they handle firearms, they can be on the bomb squad as well?

Aoi: “My dad taught me how [to diffuse bombs], at least.”

Welp, there you have it. Daddy, daddy, what are we going to do today? Aoi, my darling daughter, we’re going to learn how to diffuse bombs! Yaaaaay. But hey, this is a tense moment. I didn’t quite expect this from the anime. One wrong move and they could both die! This is serious, you guys–…

If you can’t tell, that’s Naoto’s left arm firmly wedged between Aoi’s breasts. Yeah, y’know, bomb or not, you can never pass up a moment for some quality fanservice. Afterwards, Aoi is stumped. She doesn’t know which of these many wires to cut next, so she asks Naoto for his opinion, Our genius hero over here suggests that she cut the pink wire because pink represents cherry blossoms, and Aoi’s family name just so happens to be Sakurai… so, uh, y’see, that’s the trick right there. Naturally, Aoi ignores him and cuts the red wire. Unfortunately, this only causes the countdown to speed up by about two minutes, so Naoto goes, “Just cut the pink one already.” Aoi replies, “It’s too late. If I cut it now, it’ll blow up.” Yo, you didn’t even know which wire to to cut. How do you know now that the whole thing will blow up if you cut the pink wire?

With less than five minutes left on the timer, Aoi leaves Naoto to hold onto the bomb so that she can run off and… do something. Meanwhile, Haruka asks our hero if there’s anything she can do for him. There’s less than five minutes left on the timer, mind you. Hardly enough time for the girl to leave and do anything meaningful. Nevertheless, our hero looks straight into her eyes, smiles, and says, “Our customers come first.” Oh. My. God. But whatever, there is now only a minute left on the timer. You’d think Naoto would be sweating bullets. You’d think he’d be crying. After all, he’s going to die in a minute unless Aoi can perform a miracle! In reality, however, the guy merely has a slightly perturbed look on his face:

“Who… who ate the last donut?” Naoto then closes his eyes and sees the magical train in the sky. No, I’m not even shitting you:

And inside the train, Naoto is happily driving the train like he always wanted.

Of course, Aoi returns just in the nick of time with a cannister of liquid nitrogen. She’s going to freeze the bomb! Yo, you didn’t think we’d have a dessert scene for no reason, did you? Hah, Chekhov’s caeki! Sakurai is thus able to freeze the bomb in just the nick of time, i.e. five seconds left on the timer. Meanwhile, the dog’s just sitting in the carrier, thinking, “Wow, my ass feels pretty nice right about now.”

Just look at that smug face. But y’know, I thought the authorities were going to pay the bomber the ransom money at 2:50 PM? So what is even the point of all this? Shouldn’t the bomb had switched off ten minutes ago because the kids’ bosses would never risk their lives like this? Not only that, any significant damage from the bomb would probably cost more than 100 million yen to repair. And hey, let’s not forget the PR campaign you’d have to run in order to convince the public that it’s safe enough to ride the trains! Sure enough, we don’t see the attempted hand-off of the money until after the bomb has been diffused. Therefore, their bosses did decide to endanger these kids’ lives. But hey, we saved some money.

Afterwards, Aoi slumps over into Naoto’s arms — shiny ass firmly sticking out, of course. Are we already at the deredere phase already? That’s right, she wants to be in his arms. And just like that, Naoto has been promoted to deputy squad leader. Nana tells him that he had really proved himself today. By, y’know, doing… doing… wait, what did he do again? He didn’t discover the location of the bomb. He didn’t diffuse the bomb. He didn’t even catch the bomber. Honestly, what did he even do? Oh right, he held onto the bomb. Silly me! Also, he cared really, really hard for the customers. Like customers number one! That’s worthy of a promotion if I may say so myself! What about Aoi, you ask? Y’know, the girl who magically knew how to diffuse a bomb? Eh, women don’t need promotions in Japan! They’ll just get married and be stay-at-home wives anyway! Promote the guy instead!

That’s right. Thanks to some evil-doing, hostage-taking espers, the National Diet Building has taken to the skies. Apparently, this season is all about grandiose scenarios. More specifically, it’s all about social upheaval for some reason. Someone out there wants to effect some change in the world. In Tokyo ESP, we have that familiar story where certain individuals with supernatural powers have now decided to lash back against the rest of us normies. From what I can tell, the bad guys demanded a special zone in the city for espers by attacking Tokyo Tower. Now, they’ve raised the stakes by taking the Diet Building and Japanese politicians hostage. Why? Because our evil mastermind wants humanity to recognize him and his cohorts as the new leaders of the world. You know, it’s a pretty standard human vs mutants storyline, except we’re now calling them ‘espers.’ We have superpowers, so therefore, we are better than you.

What makes these stories ultimately work, however, are not the crazy superpowers or the physics-defying battles between any two given espers. It’s not even the hero’s — or in our case, the heroine’s — sense of unerring justice. Rather, it’s what makes the bad guys tick. Why does Magneto do what he does? Well, he’s seen the horrors of the Holocaust first hand. And now, he sees his own kind being discriminated against by the world at large. I’m simplifying his story a great deal for the sake of this post, but needless to say, he has strong, compelling reasons to do what he does. His actions are nevertheless immoral, but still, you can sympathize with him even if you don’t agree with him. Now, I’m not saying we won’t get the same tragic backstory here. After all, we’ve only seen a single Tokyo ESP episode. But needless to say, this story can only be interesting if the villains’ motives amount to more than just, “Well, we are better than you.” I’ve seen too many like-minded anime where special individuals would awaken to their powers and immediately rape and kill people. It’s just ridiculous.

At the end of the day, these familiar tales tend to want to say the same thing: even though these special individuals have special powers, they’re still human like the rest of us. That’s why it never sat well with me when characters would just awaken to their powers and immediately start wreaking havoc. Again, I’m not talking about Tokyo ESP just yet. I’m merely speaking generally about what similar stories in anime have tended to be like. There has to be a reason, a very strong reason for villains to act the way that they do. And even then, a very strong reason doesn’t turn a person into a bloodthirsty maniac completely devoid of decency. Okay, now we’re talking about Tokyo ESP. At one point in the story, a lady shows up with a large vehicle and traps a bunch of people in a building with it. The vehicle has been armed with a bomb, so when it goes off, everyone inside the building will die. A young girl starts to cry for her mother, who is unluckily trapped inside the building. The evil woman, however, doesn’t even bat an eyelash to the girl’s plight. That makes no sense to me.

Well duh, she’s one of the bad guys. But hold on a minute. Just because you’re a villain doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly become Hitler. We don’t know the full story yet, but let’s assume that espers have been treated poorly. So they want a special zone in the city that’s just for them. Okay, segregation isn’t the solution, but I can understand why they might feel that way. So they want humanity to recognize them as the real leaders of the world. Well, I’m sure some espers think they’re humanity’s next step in the evolutionary ladder (even though evolution doesn’t quite work this way), and as a result, they’re quite arrogant about it. But to murder a young girl’s mother right in front of the girl and not even feel the slightest bit remorseful about it? C’mon. Wanting justice for your kind doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly decided to turn a blind eye to everything else. It doesn’t mean you would automatically abandon all sense of morality. Yes, the evil woman refers to the people trapped in the building as cockroaches, but how do you lose your humanity so quickly? Special or not, how can you just murder a young child’s mother?

I can’t help but think, “Would Magneto do that?” Magneto is certainly a bad guy; he won’t hesitate to shed blood in order to help his fellow mutants. But still, would Magneto just flash a shit-eating grin as he kills a young girl’s mother? I don’t think so. Being a villain doesn’t mean you have to be comically evil. It simply means you’re the antagonist, the person that the protagonist opposes. There are always exceptions, but for the most part, villains are humans too. They may have strong but ultimately misguided reasons to do what they do, but compelling villains are nevertheless people we can sympathize with to a degree. Bad guys who just murder people because they are crazy are actually cheap caricatures. They’re only there for shock value, but in the end, they are utterly forgettable as well. They may have enthralled us when we were kids, but let’s take a close look at them now. Is Kefka really a well-written villain? No, don’t ask your 11-year-old self who thought Final Fantasy VI was the best JRPG ever. Ask yourself now.

Like I’ve said, it’s just the first episode. The man with the scar, a.k.a. the mastermind, may very well have a tragic backstory to tell. I just didn’t like the lady who shows up near the end of the episode. She’s the one-dimensional sort of bad guy who tends to plague these shows. What do I think about the rest of Tokyo ESP and its characters? Well, I don’t know just yet what to think. After all, our heroine doesn’t even show up either until the very last minute of the episode. For sure, she’s been talked about. These minor characters stand around and talk about her a-plenty. They are hopeful that she will show up and save the day. It’s almost mythological in a way, i.e. “The Legend of the White Girl.” Even the bad guys are awaiting our heroine’s appearance. Other than that, however, we haven’t been introduced to her properly yet, so I can’t comment on her characterization. Still, for an opening episode, this has been an action-packed start for Tokyo ESP. I certainly can’t complain about that. Having said that, don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m blown away.

Because the focus has been spread across several minor characters and not the main character herself, the story hasn’t hooked me. It’s caught my attention, but I’m not dying to watch another episode. Tokyo ESP‘s first episode is not as compelling as it could be because there’s no one to emotionally attach myself to. Future episodes can rectify this, but I have to be honest about my feelings. And the honest truth is that my reaction to this first episode is lukewarm at best.

Um, is this a joke? I mean, it has to be, right? If our hero hadn’t disobeyed orders in last week’s episode, Jamie would be dead. Not only that, he’d have no fancy mecha to pilot, which is pretty much a cardinal sin when it comes to mecha anime. Furthermore, if Jamie hadn’t disobeyed orders in this week’s episode, Tokimune himself would be dead. So maybe the show is poking fun at itself… hm, nah. I mean, the rest of the show is just so dead serious that I simply can’t imagine this seemingly generic mecha series actually possesses even the tiniest bit of self-awareness. So what’s the alternative, then? Well, maybe Tokimune’s just a dumbass. Like I’ve said, we wouldn’t even have a series if anyone had obeyed orders in either of the anime’s two episodes. So there you have it: our hero’s a dumbass.

Like before, I had a difficult time getting through this week’s episode in a single sitting. Once again, I kept getting distracted by, well, anything else. But man, did Bosh screw the Rockets or what? They practically gave away Lin for nothing to lure Bosh, but then he just went back to the Heat anyway! Still, the Lakers aren’t going to win anything with the players they resigned, so what can I say? Oops, I’ve done it again; I keep getting myself distracted by news about basketball! God, why can’t I just focus on Argevollen? No, really, why can’t I? Well, it’s because there’s just nothing to get excited about. Basically, the forces of Ingelmia are in hot pursuit of our heroes, but for some reason, Tokimune’s having a difficult time piloting his new mecha all of a sudden. Okay, why don’t we just have someone else pilot it? See, someone hasn’t been studying their big book of mecha anime cliches! No one can pilot the fancy mecha other than the hero himself. For whatever reason, the Argevollen links itself to the thought pattern of the first person to climb into it, and, uh, I guess the process can’t be reversed.

Anyway, the good guys are being chased. They try to escape through an unrealistically large flue of an abandoned mine shaft — large enough to fit mechas within it — but because Tokimune is having a hard time keeping up with the rest of the group, Ukyo has to make a difficult call. He opts to leave the main character behind so that the rest of the squad can make it out safely. Well, considering how Tokimune can barely move the Argevollen up until this point, I can hardly blame the captain. Still, we all know this can’t happen. Not only would the main character die, but that fancy mecha would fall into the enemy’s hands! Oh god, won’t anybody think of the fancy mecha! So eventually, Jamie realizes what Tokimune has to do: he has to envision it. He has to look into his kokoro and picture his mecha being all awesome and shit, then lo and behold, it’ll be all awesome and shit! Yeah, really. That’s pretty much the episode right there. The good guys make it out safely, and all is well… for now.

Argevollen‘s problem is that it doesn’t give me anything to chew on. This is especially damning in a season full of ambitious shows. Who knows what Aldnoah.Zero and Terror in Resonance are trying to say, but at least you get the feeling that they want to say something. The former anime series might have had too much exposition in its opening episode, but at least it was not simply about two sides going to war. As I’ve argued elsewhere, we might just be watching the history of Imperial Japan unfold itself before our very eyes. As for Terror in Resonance, the characterization in it has been amazing right from the get-go. A commenter said it best: “While I was watching, it felt like I was watching a movie…” Even Tokyo Ghoul, which may devolve itself at some point into a series of shounen-esque battles, is currently jam-packed with visual metaphors. Ah, but look at what I’ve done. I’m talking up other shows in a post about Argevollen.

For the life of me, I can’t tell if Argevollen has anything to say. Two nations are at war, but so what? What do these two nations represent? Moving on, our hero doesn’t have much of a character. I feel like we know nothing about him at all. He’s brash, hot-headed rookie, but that’s about it. After two weeks, we haven’t gotten a single clue about his background, his goals and aims in life, what he believes in, what he’s fighting for, etc. He’s just a warm body to stick into the new-type mecha. We learn this week that Jamie’s an employee of an upstart company. That’s right, an upstart company somehow developed a revolutionary, new-type mecha that is just head and shoulders above what the military is currently using. Other than that, however, Jamie’s personality is a blank slate as well. She’s slightly tsuntsun… well, I’ll be. Ukyo has to make the hard decisions, but he spends most of the episode tight-lipped and staring off into the distance. Jesus Christ, will somebody just do something?

Something that could potentially save Argevollen would be the presence of a strong, compelling villain, but he or she hasn’t shown up either! There are antagonists, but I can’t even tell if they’re bad guys or just antagonists in the strictest sense of the word. It looks like Ingelmia is the aggressor, but… ehhhhh. By the way Arandas’ military generals have been conducting the war, you can hardly say that they’re the good guys either. Unfortunately, this is where we currently stand. Generic mechas, generic characters, and no backstory whatsoever. We’re 0 for 2 in a three-episode smell test, so unless next week’s episode is the anime equivalent of a steak dinner, it’s not looking good for Argevollen. Most shows do not dramatically improve from such a lackluster start. That’s the sad truth, to be quite honest. The anime’s just lackluster. Terrible? I can at least work with that. Take a look at my SAO and Mahouka posts, for instance. Lackluster, on the other hand, gives you nothing.

And we’re back with more SAO action! Hey, don’t laugh! There’s going to be some action in this week’s episode! Right after we do some talking, but there’s going to be some action, I swear!

– I thought you guys said GGO was more like a Western shooter. So what am I doing here, watching some girl take aim at a giant armadillo in an underground dungeon? I assure you, I’ve never shot at a giant armadillo in any MMOFPS.

– Oh hey, the giant armadillo can shoot out fire from its tail. How very JRPG-esque.

– Eventually, Sinon takes careful aim, and hits the tiny weak spot on the giant armadillo’s head. A lot of smoke appears, then she takes careful aim again and hits the weak spot again. Whoops, did I say careful aim? I meant the monster just stood there, waiting to be killed. If the animators had any creativity whatsoever, the giant armadillo could’ve been on the run, passing behind several visual obstructions. The girl would then have to nail the tiny weak spot as it is moving. That would have been impressive, showing us what a crackshot she is. Would this have been enough to make the scene interesting? Probably not, but it’d at least show off Sinon’s skills. Instead, the monster sat in one place, it roared a lot, then it died. RIP.

– We’re not even in an interesting set-piece or anything like that. It’s literally just a grey, concrete room with grey, concrete pillars — pillars that the giant armadillo had decided not to hide behind. C’mon, man, at least try to make the MMO look exciting. What’s even sadder is that this scene is supposed to explain how Sinon came to possess her extremely rare gun, the Ultima Ratio Hecate II. A tense, life-threatening battle? Nope, let me just sit in one place and practically shoot fish in a barrel.

– The OP starts off with Kirito and Asuna having a nice, leisurely chat, but Kirito then looks away with that, “Oh god, I didn’t know real dates with real women would be like this… I NEED TO GO BACK. HELP ME, GIRL WHO JUST PASSED BY.”

– Is there any doubt that the girl is none other than Sinon from GGO? Naturally, the OP then cuts to her sitting on some a swing as ghostly figures of her in-game avatar surrounds her. Hint: she’s Sinon, guys! Have you made the connection yet? Let me spell it out even further!

– Sure enough, we see a shot of Sinon being dragged underwater by some purple tentacles. That’s… that’s cool.

– You’re probably like, “If Kirito and Sinon are going to have all of the fun action, what is the rest of his harem going to do? Oh, they’re going to be right here, sitting and watching. Watching what? Probably Kirito. Even though two of these girls had been great warriors in the previous game, and another girl was a master blacksmith, ain’t nothing for them to do now but sit there and watch.

– Take a look at Asuna in particular, though. Uguu, at first it looks like I’m slightly annoyed, but my true feelings eventually bubble to the surface… I-I hope he’s okay.

– Meanwhile, a door opens and Kirito bursts through it, spinning around like top because he’s that guy who just has to bring a sword to a gunfight.

“Yo, I’ll just shoot you in the head–…”

“NUH-UH YOU CAN’T MY SWORD CAN BLOCK YOUR BULLETS.”

“Uh, is this a JRPG that bends the rules, or a rigorous PVP game with a thriving e-sports scene, so as a result, bullets are too fast for you to block like some fantasy movie–”

“NUH-UH I MAXED OUT AGILITY SO I CAN BLOCK EVEN MACHINE GUN FIRE.”

Before anyone brings up Star Wars, it is stupid to block laser shots with your lightsabers. You know what makes up for it? Everything else Star Wars brings to the table. Plus, it’d be one thing if there were actually other people in the GGO universe who also used swords. But unfortunately, our hero has to be special, so as a result, he’s going to be swinging a glowing stick around when everyone else is stuck with guns. So basically, what this tells me is that the creators of GGO programmed into their game the ability to use swords and sword-like weapons, but every single player had ignored it until now. If you’ve ever played an MMO — any MMO for that matter — you’d know how much that makes no sense. If Kirito’s using a sword because it’s just so cool to be a sword-wielding top, I guarantee you a bunch of other idiots have thought to do the same as well. The only MMO stereotype that comes even close to being just as prevalent is a girl playing the pet class, but we already saw an example of that in the first season.

– After the OP, we cut to some ugly dudes camping in one place, hoping to gank a group of PVE players that will be passing through the area. It’s really just a continuation of a scene from the end of last week’s episode. In any case, a commenter in last week’s post has it right: why on earth is everyone playing as a male avatar in a game that allows you to have female characters? In what universe do MMO players choose to play as ugly men who look like this:

I’m not saying that male avatars don’t exist. I’m not saying that every male avatar out there looks attractive either. But the ratio of everyone to Kirito’s harem that you see here is ridiculous.

– The anime has the guy in the cowboy hat painstakingly explain to his buddy — and therefore the audience — how easy this gank will be because PVE players are total noobs. Christ, just show us the actual battle. After last week’s talkfest, and the only action thus far being a girl shooting away at a giant, immobile armadillo, you may as well call this Talking Art Online.

– Honestly, Sinon looks like Kirito, except the difference is that she has teal-colored hair.

– Well, the anime gets one thing right, and that’s male avatars will hit on female avatars without even knowing whether or not they’re talking to a real girl. There are so few girls in this universe, however, that you may as well assume every single female avatar you see is being played by a girl. Except our hero, of course. Boy, will it be awkward when people try to hit on Kirito!

– Now they’re discussing who to target first. I’ve played my share of PVP games. No one really sits around and plans this shit out tactically for minutes and minutes on end. SAO tries to make it seem like some hardcore, tactical battle, but c’mon, these are still just regular people playing a game. It’s the same problem as in the first season. Why are all the characters guys and ugly, old guys at that? And why do none of them act like actual gamers playing a game? Because the universe behaves like an MMO when it’s convenient, and like a generic action/fantasy anime when it’s not. Of course, it was worse in SAO when a guild was literally comprised of nothing but tall, muscled men. That was, after all, an MMO in which people had to play as an in-game avatar that matched what they looked in the real world.

– Sinon’s party members say they’re in position. Oh, trust me, the camera is definitely in position:

But yes, we saw this last week, so it’s not even a new shot. It’s the same scene, so why not see it again! Get used to it, because we’re going to be staring at that crotch all season long.

– Sure enough, the cloaked figure is not completely useless despite Dyne’s foolish assertions. He’s actually carrying a minigun on him, and he starts wrecking Sinon’s party with it. Not only that, he smiled! Gasp! Smiling? On the battlefield? Sinon wonders, “Does that mean he’s strong enough to smile…” It’s a fucking game, you asshole. Maybe it’s fun to smile, because you’re playing a game! But no, I get it. This is like srz bizness, and therefore, GGO players don’t smile at all! Again, we’re in an MMO when it’s convenient, and in a generic action/fantasy anime when it’s not. Therefore, these gamers are playing a game that makes them shit-scared.

– Dyne tells the rest of them to not allow the minigun guy to get any closer. According to Sinon, however, he has a movement penalty because the minigun is so heavy. If she knows that, then I’m sure others would know it too. So… why not flank behind the slow moving target and nail him in the back? Oh right, only the main character and his harems would be smart enough to think on the fly. That’s why we spent so much time on these throwaway characters discussing pre-battle strategy.

– Even though Sinon’s a sniper, she’s going to run headfirst into a hail of gunfire. It’s okay. She too has maxed out her agility. So much so that she can do a Matrix-esque leap over a bunch of shots from the minigun:

– Who’s the guy with the minigun? He’s none other than the infamous Behemoth himself. Yes, if you’re a throwaway character in GGO, your name perfectly describes the type of player you’d be. Behemoth? Must be a big, tall fella with a giant, fuck-off gun.

– After Sinon manages to catch up with the rest of her group, the characters are now sitting there, planning out their next course of action. Meanwhile, the enemy’s just… just…? Touching themselves, I guess. No, no, it’s okay. You guys just take your pretty, little time coming up with a battle strategy that’ll allow you guys to beat us. It’s not like we have you cornered or anything with our superior firepower.

– Why is Dyne about to cry? He’s literally sounds like he’s about to bubble. Again, it’s just a fucking game. I could understand it if this was SAO, i.e. dying in-game meant dying in real life. But this is literally just a game. This is literally just a potentially failed gank. Calm your tits and just play the game. The guy then says, “I’d rather log out then give them a victory.” That makes sense. No, really, it does. He’d just be rage-quitting, which is a common thing in online games. But that’s the thing. He should be rage-quitting. Instead, it’s more like a sob-quitting?

– Dyne then says, “It’s just a game… Don’t take it so seriously!” Uh…

– Wow, I don’t know if I want a girl like this in my harem. By the way, they’re still talking. What are the enemies even doing? Who knoooooowsss~

– Eventually, Dyne sacrifices his life in order to toss a grenade, which the enemies somehow failed to notice. Um… guy with a giant minigun has a movement penalty. Dyne had grenades all along. Yeah… can we get a new party leader instead? Anyway, the resulting explosion creates a giant cloud of dust, which allows Sinon to run up a tall-ass building in the hopes of sniping Behemoth. Why couldn’t she do this before? Who knows?

– Still, Behemoth sees her and manages to shoot off one of her legs. Therefore, we now see the girl twirling through the air as a temporary paraplegic as she hopes to snipe him as she’s falling. I had no idea you could twirl so fucking much in midair.

– So what now? She’s going to take fall damage and die anyway, right? Naw, of course not. The recoil from her sniper rifle will allow her to roll safely when she lands! What a beast!

– Afterwards, Sinon wakes up in the real world, and she kind of… shudders? Like I’ve said in the comments section last week, the girl apparently has a complex about guns in real life. Therefore, she wants to get stronger so she can actually smile on the battlefield. What a deep character study, huh?

– Elsewhere, Kirito’s haremettes are still playing their silly fantasy MMO… y’know, the one where a young, loli-ish character like Silica is constantly being beset by tentacles:

Silica tells the monster she’s not the weak character she used to be, so of course, the monster immediately powers up to prove her wrong. Yes, actually, you are the same shitty character you used to be. As a result, she’s hanging there in mid-air, desperately trying to cover up her modesty. Stay classy, SAO. Don’t worry. Her teammates eventually save her. Not Kirito and Asuna, though. They’re busy sitting together in some spot, gazing at the beautiful MMO scenery before them. The rest of the haremettes all sigh with jealousy. Uguu, why can’t it be us? Don’t worry, girls. In some fanfic or doujinshi out there, it is you! It is you!

– Kirito is suddenly reminded of Death Gun, so he snaps out of his love-induced stupor and announces that he has something to tell Asuna. Unfortunately, the credits start to roll right there. Gosh, do you think he ever gets around to telling her the truth about what he intends to do? Yo, babe, I’m just going to endanger my life investigating a potential cyber-crime. You cool? C’mon, I’m the only one who can do this! C’moooooon, I swear I won’t have an emotional affair with any of the girls I meet! I swear! I pinkie swear!

– I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that this episode was pretty much Kirito-less. In fact, it’s all about how awesome his future haremette is. Yes, Sinon is powerful. Yes, she almost won that fight all by her lonesome. Enjoy it while it lasts, though. After all, Asuna was strong at the start of the first season too, but we saw how quickly that devolved. Plus, did you really feel as though you got to know Sinon? Eh. She was determined to win an MMO fight, but what does that really say?

The way I see it, nothing we saw in this week’s episode really makes her stand out from any other action heroine. Had Asuna never met Kirito, she would’ve been just like that minus the whole gun complex. For a vignette, there was nothing all that revelatory in this week’s episode. Nothing that makes me think, “Wow, that’s an interesting aspect to the girl’s character.” Even when she’s trying to rally the troops against Dyne’s sobtastic pessimism, it’s no different from what any of us would’ve said in the same situation. Yes, it’s a fucking game. Therefore, play on. Sorry, but this vignette was a failure. I saw nothing to set Sinon apart from similar anime characters.

Man, they just look so cool, don’t they? When we last left off, it turns out First High will need Tatsuya to compete anyway. Oh sure, his engineering genius has single-handedly won the girls so many events, but he can’t help the guys! They’re just too proud to have Tatsuya calibrate their CADs. Uh-huh, that sounds about right. As a result, the only solution is to injure the guys and have Tatsuya take their place himself! Genius! Brilliant! I couldn’t have come up with a better plan myself! Alright then, let’s start the show.

– It’s silly that this even needs to be said. The anime isn’t even shy about kissing Tatsuya’s ass and pretending as though he’s a living god. Nevertheless, our Gary Stu has to demand that his two bros allow him to calibrate their CADs. The guys in this universe are the only ones who are clueless for some reason. Well, it’s obvious. If the girls are all going to fall in love with the Gary Stu, that only leaves us with the other half of the population for the bad guys.

– Tatsuya and his bros proceed to discuss battle strategy. What is it with these Gary Stu shows and needlessly drawn out discussions about battle strategies? It’s like every Gary Stu-wannabe out there fancies himself a brilliant tactician. Leo then asks, “But when exactly does a defender do?” Are you kidding me? Even if you say, “Leo’s not familiar with Monolith Code,” then why the fuck was he chosen? It’s pretty obvious why, actually. So that Leo can ask dumb questions, which will then allow Tatsuya to painstakingly explain to the audience how Monolith Code works. W-w-world building!

– Finally, the magical separating sword has made its comeback. I almost forgot it existed.

– Tatsuya then turns to Mikihiro to discuss magic the way magic is usually discussed in Mahouka: the incredibly dry and boring way. Let’s just skip ahead…

– To after the credits, where we see Tatsuya leaping from bush to bush like a banshee. He’s also owning people left and right, but of course he is.

– See, I thought that since Tatsuya would be busy with the Monolith Code event, we wouldn’t have to listen to him prattle on and on about the crappy magic spells. But that’s where I’m wrong. Mayumi will take over the job! Needless to say, I don’t care again, so I’m going to skip ahead…

– …to more scenes of Tatsuya being a badass. Y’know, Leo and Mikihiko do their jobs as supporting characters. Meanwhile, Tatsuya’s jumping around like Mighty Mouse. Had we seen Shun and his teammates compete, this might have been a close match, and therefore, it might have been interesting to watch. Good thing we got rid of those chumps, huh? The thing is, I can understand giving yourself God Mode in a video game, because you’re directly controlling the character. But watching someone else with God Mode on them? Why? What on earth do people get out of watching Tatsuya be boringly awesome?

– Now it’s the Crimson Prince’s turn to explain exactly what Tatsuya had done. Give me a break. We just saw what he did.

– But speaking of the Crimson Prince, what will he and Curious George do now? The latter thinks that the strength of Tatsuya’s magic is nothing to worry about, so you want to force a straightforward encounter. You just have to be wary of–… ah, who cares? By the way, I’m sure Georgio is wrong. Just watch as Tatsuya blows the two of them out of the water.

– God, that BGM with all the fucking whistles is the worst BGM I’ve ever heard in an anime.

– More uninspired combat scenes follow. We’re basically just wasting time until we get to the finals. As a result, you get to watch some boring spells get thrown about as Tatsuya steamrolls through his opponents. Even the people watching from the sidelines are like, “Yeah, he’s holding back.”

– For some reason, we see a scene in which Erika is berating her brother. Apparently, he’s supposed to be in Thailand, but instead, he came all the way out here to see Mari. This offends Erika somehow because she fancies herself a rival of Mari’s. In any case, what’s with the imoutos in this fucking anime? They’re all so clingy and weird: “Ever since you got involved with this woman, you’ve become corrupted, Brother!” Naturally, the big bro gets to turn around and lecture his imouto. That’s pretty much the takeaway from this scene. Hell, you could even say it’s the takeaway from the whole anime. Imouto throws a tantrum so that the big bro can be all self-righteous and shit.

– Erika refuses to apologize. Instead, she storms off. I just have one question: who the fuck cares? Why would the affairs of the Chiba family be of any importance to me? Aren’t we about to watch the biggest finals of the current arc? Nevertheless, we’re wasting our time watching a tiff between Erika and her oniichan.

– In her anger, Erika calls her brother stupid. Boring ol’ Miyuki then argues that since Erika’s oniichan is a world-class swordsman, you can’t call him stupid. Woosh. Way to miss the point entirely. But of course, Miyuki’s used to worshiping the ground her brother walks on, so she wouldn’t understand a person’s random bouts of anger. She’ll just murder her brother instead, but it’s okay, ’cause he can revive himself!

– Aaaaand the truth comes out:

Naw, it’s not like we have anything more important to do. Please, go on and on about this oniichan we have only just met.

– Wait… is it? Is it the finals? No, now we get to watch Third High steamroll through their semifinal opponents. Christ. I get the feeling there’s going to be yet another episode to this painfully drawn-out arc.

– Our Crimson Prince is walking face first into danger, but god, he’s just so invincible like our Gary Stu. What happens when two invincible Gary Stus collide? Sorry, that was a trick question. There can only be one.

– Oh good, now that Tatsuya’s a spectator, he can go back to telling us about this universe’s shitty magic.

– The sad thing is, there isn’t even any strategy here. It’s like watching a bunch of level one characters go up against the final boss of a JRPG. Hah, people actually thought this adaptation would be an improvement over Mahou Sensou. At least Mahou Sensou was campy. This is just boring.

– One character tells us the Crimson Prince intends to lure Tatsuya into head-to-head combat. So now we cut to Tatsuya thinking the exact same thing. Good world-building means redundancy! After all, if one aspect of your story is just that awesome, tell it again! No one will mind!

– With about three minutes left in the episode, and the characters going on and on about Georgio’s Cardinal Code, yes, it looks as though I’m in for yet another shitty episode from this arc. It gets better after the first arc, they said. The first arc is the worst arc, they said. Yo, this is ten times worse than the previous arc. At least the previous arc had ridiculously contrived discrimination that I could laugh at. Oh, and how could we forget the terrorist attack out of nowhere? In the past few weeks, however, I’ve had to sit here and watch blow-outs and blow-outs after blow-outs. Not even a single exciting game in an entire competition between the nation’s best and brightest magicians. Not a single one. When did the last arc end? Holy shit, eight episodes ago. I’ve just watched two months straight of this shitty arc.

– Remember when DBZ made tense fights ridiculously long and drawn-out? But that’s the thing! They were still tense fights! Goku and Frieza are neck-and-neck. No one has the upper hand! Oh no, Frieza just powered up! What will Goku do now! It’s like we’ve gone a complete 180 from that. And sure, you can subvert the cliches, but only if it amounts to something interesting. Subversion doesn’t mean dick when you go from tense, drawn-out fights to drawn-out blow-outs.

– I’m not even going to talk about First High’s semifinal match. I’m done. I’m running on four hours of sleep and I still got Aldnoah.Zero and Captain Earth to write about. Looks like there will be no League of Legends for me tonight.

– Aaaand now there’s a conversation between Mikihiko and Erika. Skipskipskipskip. For the love of god, skip this shit.

– Oh cool, we’re just now learning that Mikihiko used to be a prodigy. Character development!

– Then there’s this scene:

I don’t even know why she leaned in close. There’s no one within earshot of them. Oh right, he’s the Gary Stu. Gotta feel that Gary Stu aura even though she’s a grown woman.

– And the episode finally ends with the pair from Third High being extremely confident in their chances of winning. Y’know, both teams are comprised of three individuals, but I guess this third guy for Third High is just a fucking chump. But y’know how it is in these Gary Stu stories. It’ll seem like the bad guys have it all figured out, but really, the Gary Stu was a billion steps ahead the whole time. He’ll then give us a drawn-out explanation for what he had done. Come back next week for that riveting explanation!