Joe ain’t got nuthin’. No fancy training equipment, no fans, no win-loss record, and by the end of this week’s episode, no Gear either. Hell, he doesn’t even have a last name. How is he going to do this? Well, as the old sports cliche goes, “He’s gotta take it one match at a time.”

— Gansaku actually has connections on this side of the track. He must have screwed up something big to end up with so much debt. I wonder what his story is.

— It’s also interesting how he has to do everything for Joe. You’d think Joe could register himself up to fight, but nah, that’s left to Gansaku as well. What does our hero do besides fight?

— I mean, wouldn’t people find it odd that he has no last name? Everyone else has one. What citizen doesn’t have a last name?

— Meanwhile, we see Yuri training with top-of-the-line equipment. This contraption apparently simulates a fight against an actual opponent. And considering how the future of the entire Shirato Corporation depends on Yuri’s success at Megalonia, you can probably safely assume that he has the best version of this machine.

— Yuri is about to take a break from training, but he can’t help but recall Joe’s words from last week’s episode: “That’s your real Megalo Boxing?” Yuri had just thoroughly schooled Joe in the ring, but Joe still pulled himself up just to taunt Yuri. And just like that, Yuri turns around and resumes his training. What is it about Joe that has Yuri so bothered? Our hero’s just some nobody — a stray dog on the wrong side of the tracks. Why should Yuri even care what Joe has to say? Yuri cared enough to show up in some underground boxing ring. He now continues to care as he uses Joe’s words as motivation.

What’s especially interesting about this scene is how Yuri had been watching a TV program hype up a potential match between him and the number two ranked fighter in the world. Joe’s a nobody. He’s just some underground fighter who couldn’t even last a round against Yuri. And yet, our antagonist couldn’t give one damn about the number two ranked guy. Who cares? He doesn’t matter. Joe matters. Joe’s disrespect matters. It’s odd, isn’t it? It’s as if Yuri could sense something honest in the hero’s words. Yeah, this guy has a suicide wish, but at the same time, he’s actually unimpressed by Yuri, and that really gets under the latter’s skin.

— Gansaku’s boss doesn’t even care if Joe wins the whole thing. Luckily, our hero has to at least make it further than that, right? What kind of series would this be if Joe couldn’t at least make it to the finals? Actually, how would you guys feel about that? If Joe lost in, like, the quarterfinals, but the story was still good, would you still feel a bit letdown?

— Joe has less than three months to climb the rankings just enough to make it into Megalonia. Basically, he has to win out. Then once he does get into Megalonia, he has to continue winning. In other words, stop worrying about Yuri and just worry about your next opponent. It’s such a sports cliche, but I guess it keeps athletes focused.

— Afterwards, Gansaku is going on and on about how they need to spruce up Joe’s Gear. They can’t afford something as nice as Yuri’s sick Gear, but our hero still needs an edge. Joe nevertheless finds himself lost in thought. Just hearing about Yuri makes him think of his humiliating defeat. He ends up ruining a perfectly good apple as a result. Both guys are fixated on each other, it seems… even though Joe has a long way to go to even earn the right to fight Yuri a second time.

— All of a sudden, the focus turns to these street urchins. They use a remote-controlled mouse to steal a few cameras from some poor guy. Nevertheless, this is all they get for their efforts. Cameras for candy… that’s not even worth the trouble, man. What’s even worse is that there are four kids, but they only got three pieces of candy. Three pieces of candy for electronics? When Sachio, the apparent leader of the kids, gets mad at the store owner, the guy actually pulls out a knife to retaliate. This forces Joe to step in and save the day, but not without pissing Gansaku off. Hey, what was he supposed to do? Watch a kid die in front of him?

— Nevertheless, this same shop has a prototype of what Yuri wears. It immediately catches Gansaku’s eyes, but obviously, he can’t afford it for his guy. His best hope is to steal the damn thing.

— Joe’s training begins, and all he gets is some makeshift boxing ring under a bridge. Luckily, Gansaku seems to know a thing or two about boxing strategy, so he’s taken up the mantle of becoming Joe’s trainer. It’s clear that Joe has raw talent but very little between the ears. He isn’t dumb, but it doesn’t seem as though he’s ever relied on anything but his natural skills.

— The kids have dropped by to watch, so Joe has some fans… even if they’re not impressed with his dead last ranking.

— Sachio even sticks around when it’s raining. That’s some dedication. What does he want from Joe?

— Gansaku continues be a jack-of-all-trades when he unveils a souped up version of Joe’s Gear. He apparently managed to squeeze out some extra oomph from that ugly hunk of junk. Out of nowhere, Sachio suddenly objects. Apparently, it sacrifices too much for power, so Joe will just hurt himself in the ring. Gansaku counters that if Joe sticks to the battle plan, then he won’t have to be in the ring long enough to hurt himself. Nevertheless, the story is setting Sachio up to be some sort of savant when it comes to machines and gadgets, so we’re going to have to side with the kid.

— Inside Sachio’s hat is a photo of his family. Considering how he’s stuck fencing goods for candy, his parents are probably dead. Nevertheless, he desperately wants Joe to take him to Megalonia. Sure, Joe could do that… but what does Sachio even hope to find there? Guess we’ll just have to wait and see. In the meantime, Joe won’t do any favors for the kid. If Sachio wants to go to Megalonia, he’s going to have to earn his way there.

— Afterwards, we see Gansaku angrily chucking bottles of wine at the side of the bridge. Sachio’s words really got to him. Over and over again, words really do a number on the characters in this week’s episode. It’s all about pride. Yuri’s pride took a hit even though he destroyed Joe in the ring. Joe’s pride took a hit just from losing. And Gansaku must have realized the truth in Sachio’s words if he’s this worked up.

— So later that night, we see Sachio sneak into the shopkeeper’s store — the same store that had that prototype Gear. Oh no, he’s going to try and steal it for Joe.

— Joe returns to find his current Gear completely ruined. Sachio was right, and Gansaku pushed the Gear too far. That’s the problem with jacks-of-all-trades: he knows enough to tinker with the damn thing, but he ends up biting off more than he can chew. He got too desperate. Sure, Joe can’t afford to lose a single match, so he wanted to give his fighter the biggest advantage possible. But now, Joe can’t even fight at all.

— Meanwhile, although Sachio is successful in pilfering the prototype Gear, he also manages to get himself caught. He protests that he and his friends had originally found the Gear, so by all rights, it should belong to them. But of course, this is not a just world. In fact, this is a brutal dog-eat-dog world in which grown-ass adults can squeeze blood out of a young child. The sad truth is that nobody’s going to give a shit about some street urchin with no family and no citizenship. If Sachio were to die here, nobody would even bat an eyelash.

— All of a sudden, Joe’s bike comes crashing through the window. Right behind the bike is, of course, Joe himself. This show oozes cool.

— Joe has also donned the prototype Gear, and he’s all too eager to test it out. Unfortunately, he failed to account for the fact that his opponent isn’t wearing gloves. No matter how fancy the prototype is, it can’t take actual punishment. It soon starts to malfunction, and Sachio has to quickly destroy the Gear in order to get it off of Joe. Welp, so much for that. The good guys have managed to wreck two Gears in one episode.

— Still, one of Gansaku’s valuable lessons is that it’s not the Gear who decides who wins. So even though Joe’s Gear-less, he still intends to win this unofficial match.

— Sachio proves his worth even more by using his ears and complete understanding of machinery to predict what Joe’s opponent might do next. With that, Joe lands the finishing blow.

— Basically, Joe lost his Gear on the eve of his first match, but he’s slowly assembling his team. Sachio’s savant-like understanding of machinery might even get our hero something better than he could ever dream of. I wonder, however, if the team will continue to grow from here or if the kid is all we’re going to get.

— Plus, what is Joe gonna do now without any Gear for his first match? Maybe Sachio can cobble something together real quick.

That’s a good damn question. Are Narumi and Hirotaka actually dating? I can’t tell. I also can’t tell if I like this show or not. It’s full of inside jokes for otakus, but it has little in way of story, romance, or humor. At the same time, however, it’s not boring either. Normally, when a show starts boring me, I’ll start browsing the web on the side, glancing back to the show only to read the subtitles. So don’t get me wrong, Wotakoi isn’t bad… it just doesn’t make me feel any particular emotion either. But why don’t I just start breaking down the episode like I usually do?

— In the cold opening, we see a groggy Hirotaka emerge from his bedroom with a Switch in hand. This man is truly in love with that console. The first thing he does in the morning is game… then he gets ready for work. When he finally gets on his bus, he takes out the Switch and starts playing again. That’s real dedication. Just how much time does he game per day? Plus, the Switch is really the only console that enables this sort of obsessive behavior. You can’t exactly lug your PS4 from room to room, can you? Nor can you bring it to work and play it during your lunch breaks. Well, technically, you could try the remote play feature on the PS Vita… but Sony never really took advantage of that functionality.

— Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not a Switch fanatic. I’m still waiting for more games to play.

— Anyways, Hanako is surprised to here that Narumi is now dating Hirotaka, and honestly, I kinda am too. Plus, our heroine has this to say about the guy: “I don’t feel excited or anything anymore after all this time.” That’s a little… sad. They just started dating, so they should still be in the honeymoon period. Unfortunately, Narumi isn’t enthusiastic about the guy at all. She just agreed to date him because he asked.

— Not only that, she’s been avoiding him lately: “…she always runs away like a mythical Pokemon.” So what does dating even mean to these people? ‘Cause when I think of dating, I think of going out, hanging out, making out, so on and so forth. At the moment, Narumi and Hirotaka just seem like friends. Hell, they don’t even seem like close friends.

— And of course, she hides when he looks over in her direction. C’mon, they’re adults. I feel like I’m watching a bunch of teenagers. The setting around them might have changed, but their level of maturity sure hasn’t.

— Hanako warns Narumi that she might be giving Hirotaka the wrong impression: “Nifuji might think you don’t like him anymore.” But did she ever like him?

— Taro has almost nothing nice to say about Narumi. He compliments on her smile, but that’s about it. Meanwhile, Hanako apparently sees Hirotaka as a dreamboat. Makes you wonder why she didn’t go for him first.

— It’s free real es-… aaaaaaaahhhh…

— Then here’s the real kicker: Narumi reveals she prefers guys like Taro over Hirotaka without realizing that both guys are now within earshot. At first, I was like, “Damn, you can’t come back from that.” But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that what she said wasn’t really all that bad. Everyone has a type. That doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with your type. I like tomboyish girls with short hair, athleticism, and some attitude. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t date someone outside my preferences. Nevertheless, I’d never say it out loud… at work… where my SO also works.

— You notice how every time video game elements appear on a show, it’s always 8-bit aesthetics? That generation of JRPGs weren’t even that good. That’s right, I said it.

— Hanako tries to defend Narumi, and Taro… I’m not sure what he’s doing. Is he trying to defend Hirotaka? Hirotaka doesn’t need any defending in this scenario. Nevertheless, Hanako and Taro end up getting into a fight. Apparently, they used to know each other from high school. Anime is always full of childhood friends.

— Meanwhile, Narumi tries to slip away but Hirotaka catches up to her before the elevator doors can open. He tells her that he didn’t mean to scare her, but then again, he does that stupid pose that guys always do in these shoujo scenarios:

— Anyways, he confesses that they seemed closer when they were just friends, so he regrets telling her that he ever liked her. But then they both realized that he never actually confessed that. He merely asked her out. Still, the implication is there, right? Why would you ask someone out if you didn’t like them?

— Nevertheless, it’s her turn to act like a typical shoujo heroine. Jesus, the guy is only supposed to be 6’0″ tall, but he completely dwarfs her. Plus, their workplace seems so empty. I don’t mind PDA, but hoo boy, PDA at work? That’s a step too bold, especially since my office is always full of chatty, obnoxious people (I share a room with both the marketing team and the account managers so yeah…). If I ever hugged a coworker, that little tidbit of gossip would travel twice around the room before I ever let go.

— Donghae? That sounds Korean, and a Google search reveals that it’s the name of a popular k-pop star, but what connection this has to Wotakoi, I can’t say.

— Anyways, in the second half of the episode, Taro invites everyone to go drinking after work. Narumi wants to drop by the “bookstore” first, but we all know that a bookstore for an otaku like her just means manga, manga, and more manga.

— On their way to the bookstore, Hirotaka reveals that he can’t wink. Um, okay? Thanks for that info?

— Oh no, don’t get that manga! It’s not good at all!

— That’s a bad manga too!

— The girls eventually bond over their love for yaoi, and Narumi voices how happy she is to finally have a friend who can share her interests in all things otaku-related. You might then feel the need to ship her and Hanako, because why not, right? Don’t these two seem to have more chemistry with each other than anything we’ve seen between Narumi and Hirotaka? But that totally ignores sexual preferences. It’s like when people argue that Captain America and Bucky should be a couple. “You wouldn’t go so far for just a friend!!!” That doesn’t mean Captain America is turned on by penises. The problem with shippers is that they tend to ignore sexual preferences when they zero in on the emotional intimacy being shared by two characters. But I digress.

— All that really happens later is that Hanako ropes Narumi into cosplaying with her in some distant future.

— In the end, Narumi, Hanako, and Taro bought so much manga that they’d rather just go straight home and nerd out. So much for after work socializing. Hirotaka doesn’t really complain, because he always has his games, but I can’t relate. I also love games, and I also love anime (just look at this stupid blog). Nevertheless, I’d never pass up a chance to hang out with my friends. Games and anime aren’t going anywhere. They’ll still be there when I get home, but oh well. I guess I’m not as hardcore as these guys.

— In the post credits scene, we finally get the first genuinely funny joke. Hanako tries to unnerve Taro by winking at him from across the room, but to her surprise, he simply responds with a smile. She’s flustered, but he doesn’t notice: “I don’t know what’s gotten into her, but she looks like she’s in a good mood. I bet she pooped.”

— We then close the episode with Hirotaka practicing winking. Um, okay.

This is one of those shows in which everyone kinda sucks. The protagonist isn’t bad, per se… but she’s not particularly endearing either. It’s just one unending suck after suck.

— We open with a Seiya, a male host, trying to trick Ayaka, one of his customers, into losing a duel; basically, he wants to make her his slave.

— I hope they explain why she has an eyepatch.

— Of course, she realized what he was trying to do, so she wins against him. So why did he do this? Why did he risk it all in an attempt to enslave this girl? Oh, no particular reason. He simply found her annoying. He was hoping to just make her hand him money without him having to deal with her shit. This is why this dueling thing is so dumb. The risk vs reward just doesn’t make sense. Whether or not she becomes his slave, she would’ve given him money anyway. The only difference is that he would’ve had to work for it… but, like, that’s his job. All he gets is the peace and comfort of not having to deal with one annoying customer for… what? An hour a night? On the other hand, what he ends up losing is, well, everything.

— First, the girl makes him eat her out right there and then. It’s one of those murky things where it’s rape, because he doesn’t want to do it… but then again, he’s doing it because he technically feels obligated to per the show’s specified rules from last week’s episode. Nah, let’s just call it rape. Nevertheless, I feel no sympathy for the guy, because he wanted to enslave her in the first place. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

— Of course, Ayaka is no genius by any means. She’s a complete fool. She honestly thought that she had any sort of connection to this dude. This whole thing reminds me of The Great Happiness Space, an interesting but sad documentary that I saw about male hosts. On the one hand, these guys are obviously taking advantage of some very emotionally vulnerable women. On the other hand, where do we draw the line? At what point do we say that personal responsibility takes over? We can’t keep victimizing everyone. They chose to hand their hard-earned money over. They’re big girls. They can make their own decisions in life, right? Well…

— According to anime, all women wear tie side panties. In practice, however, I’ve never seen any of my partners wear one.

— Anyways, we cut to Yuga and Eia. The guy has an app that can help him locate other SCM wearers. Isn’t that convenient? Also, if you’re in close proximity to another SCM wearer, the device will vibrate. The company behind the device really thought this out.

— Meanwhile, Ayaka has forced Seiya to break up with his current girlfriend, so she can move into his place. So again, risk vs reward… even if there was a 99% chance of victory, I wouldn’t risk it. Slavery, man… it kinda sucks. And yet, none of these characters really take it all that seriously.

— Anyways, the very people that Yuga manages to find on his app are Ayaka and Seiya. As a result, he and Eia drop by the club to spring a duel on both of them. I don’t know why Eia has such a shit-eating grin on her face, though. Before we continue any further, right off the bat, I’m thinking, “Just because you want to duel me doesn’t mean I have to accept. Like… who gives a shit that you want to duel me? Fuck off.” Ah, if only our characters were that pragmatic, huh?

— Of course, we know what Seiya is up to. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that he wants to get out from under Ayaka’s thumb, so he’s obviously going to trick her into accepting the duel. But why is the girl so dumb? He’s all, “If we run, they’d probably find us.” But so what? What the hell are they gonna do? Keep pestering you for duels? Oh no! Ah well, dumb girl is dumb.

— As the game begins, the girl even thinks to herself, “I just have to trust him.” You just have to trust the same guy who tried to enslave you and called you a human ATM?

— The proposed game is some thumbs-up game? Never heard of it. Not gonna waste any brain cells thinking about it either.

— Seiya probably knows that the girl is dumb, so if he can simply trick her into playing, she’ll eventually lose. And lose she does. Both he and Ayaka become Yuga’s slave. Ayaka demands to know how Eia could remain so calm during the duel, so she reveals that she was never wearing an SCM in the first place. Alright… first things first, if you’re going to accept a duel, make sure everyone in the room is wearing the damn device.

— Ayaka begins to cry, because she’s no longer a master. And because she’s no longer a master, she can’t command Seiya to do whatever she wants him to do. Aaaaaand he socks her right in front of everyone. Nice. I don’t feel bad for anyone. They all suck.

— Much to Eia’s dismay, Yuga won’t release these two. Instead, he keeps them on as slaves. He tells them to return to their normal lives, but they’re still his slaves. He tries to assure Eia that he won’t hurt them, but yeah… yeah… she’s going to keep hanging out with him though, so she’s complicit.

— Seiya later apologizes to Ayaka for punching her, but… whatever.

— For some reason, we then get his backstory of how he met Julia, the girlfriend that he had to dump. This, of course, just makes him even less sympathetic, because he risked a great relationship for cheap money.

— All of a sudden, she shows up behind him and reveals a tattoo on her arm. Apparently, she now belongs to some dude who goes by the name of Ryuuou. Hoo boy, anime sure loves its NTR. Next week’s episode is probably going to be full of Julia being forced to do some trashy shit, huh? Ehhhh. I’m thinking about relegating this show to the “Everything Else” weekly post. I don’t really wanna do three updates every Thursday night. Obviously, I’m not going to drop Megalo Box, and between this and Wotakoi, the latter is obviously far more enjoyable to watch. Hm, we’ll see.

I’d be so screwed if all it takes is eight seconds of continuous eye contact to fall in love with someone. 

— The episode opens with Nyanko Big sitting on top of a sleeping Mitsuyoshi. The cat wants him to wake up and feed it, which is pretty typical. Luckily, my cat doesn’t do this. She doesn’t smash her belly all over my face either. Oddly enough, she respects my space while I’m sleeping. It’s a whole different story if she knows I’m awake, though.

— Yeah, yeah, everyone’s got a flashback. Even the cat has a flashback.

— For some reason, this episode is accompanied by Nyanko Big’s narration. It’d be cuter if the cat didn’t talk.

— This smorgasbord is apparently what Teresa gets to have this morning for “breakfast.” Disappointed with his dry food, Nyanko Big takes one gigantic leap of faith. Even if he was in shape, he’d never make that jump.

— Alec has obviously never been around cats. You don’t grab them like this. I’m surprised she didn’t get the cat’s claws to the face.

— It’s Saturday morning, so Mitsuyoshi is manning the store alone. Apparently, coffee shops are slow on Saturdays? That doesn’t sound right to me, but whatever. Being the kind-hearted airhead that she is, however, Teresa volunteers to help. And wherever she goes, Alec goes. She’s just got that magic quality about her.

— Teresa is cute, I guess, but she’s not my type. She’s too sweet.

— The show’s kinda about nothing. It’s really about Mitsuyoshi and Teresa slowly falling in love, but unlike other romances, there is absolutely no conflict to be found in Tada-kun wa Koi wo Shinai. If you’re tired of love triangles, overly dramatic situations, and contrived plot developments, then I guess this anime is right up your alley. For me, it’s a change-of-pace, I guess.

— I’ve never heard of a kappa sandwich. What is that?

— Oh, it’s a cucumber sandwich. Ah, I should’ve known. A kappa roll is just a cucumber roll.

— When this young couple arrives, this is where the eye contact thing comes up. Again, I’m supposed to make eye contact with everyone I speak to. It’d be rude not to, so eight seconds wouldn’t work. But maybe it’s different in Japan or something.

— During a lull in the morning, Mitsuyoshi brews his friends some coffee. Teresa trots out these chocolates that you can dip into coffee for a little added flavor. Kaoru acts all surprised, which makes no sense. Surely a guy who regularly visits an authentic Japanese coffee shop has heard of caffe mocha?

— Kaoru is obnoxious. He can never shut up. He’s one of those people who are uncomfortable with silence, so he feels the need to always fill the air with his inane chatter. Mitsuyoshi is uncommonly tolerant, which is probably why they can be friends at all.

— On the other hand, I used to think Alec was cool, but after the Naruto nonsense she pulled last week, no thanks.

— Like Nyanko Big, Mitsuyoshi is not supposed to be a enamored with girls. And like his pet cat, he’s also not supposed to like sweet stuff. But of course, cats can’t like chocolate… it’s bad for them. I’m also told that cats can’t taste sweetness. My cat loves ice cream, but only for the cream.

— Much to Nyanko Big’s surprise, Mitsuyoshi takes a sip of Teresa’s cup of coffee and enjoys the flavor. This means Nyanko Big is going to fall in love, huh? That’s how these things work.

— In any case, I am surprised at his audacity to be normal. As an anime character, he’s supposed to squirm and blush over the fact that he just drank from a girl’s cup. That’s an i-i-indirect kissu! But no, he doesn’t bat an eyelash.

— Teresa, on the other hand, is not such a cool cucumber. She doesn’t freak out or anything, but she does blush as she stares at her cup of coffee. Because Mitsuyoshi had no reaction at all, I didn’t even think of the “indirect kissu” nonsense at first, so I was like, “Why am I watching her drink her coffee in slow motion? Why is she blushing?” Only when I look over my screenshots of the episode now that I finally realize what was going on with the girl. Ahh, the most dangerous “indirect kissu” is subtle.

— Anyways, in the second half of the episode, everyone gathers at a nearby park to snap some pictures. But in practice, all we get are some more flashbacks. Mitsuyoshi apparently saved Kaoru from a kappa, but not really. The kid isn’t even in the deep end of the pond. On the other hand, a chibi Teresa had jumped into moat just to get her crown made of flowers back, so Alec actually did have to save her. Okay. That’s cool to know, I guess?

— Anyways, that far cuter cat from the very beginning of the series makes its reappearance. Its name is supposedly Cherry, and Nyanko Big falls in love at first sight. He quickly embarrasses himself by trying to stupidly leap across the pond.

— Oh, he’s fine. You don’t have to worry, because most cats can swim despite their aversion to water. Hell, most cats don’t even mind water. Needless to say, Cherry is thoroughly unimpressed.

— See? Look at that fat log. He slips off the branch at one point, so Teresa steps in to catch him. Cats are supposed to land on their feet, but I guess you could argue that Nyanko Big could’ve been too tired to do so.

— Then to ramp up the romance just a tiny bit, the momentum of the fat cat sends her stumbling backwards, but Mitsuyoshi is right there to “catch” her. Doki doki.

— Nyanko Big can’t help but tell us that “[l]ove goes hand in hand with pain.” Sure, you have to put yourself out there for love. Mitsuyoshi seems like he’s always been a stoic kid, but maybe he’s been extra guarded ever since his parents died. But on the other hand, this feels a little too dramatic for a show like Tada-kun wa Koi wo Shinai. It’s so carefree that it’s hard to imagine the main character being saddled with any sort of real baggage.

— In any case, Teresa finds herself lost in thought as she stares at a picture of all of her newfound friends. No doubt, she’s focusing on Mitsuyoshi out of everyone in the group. Eight seconds, huh? Kids fall in love so fast these days.

Guerrilla warfare isn’t just hiding in the trees, utilizing hit-and-run tactics, and ambushing them from all angles. It’s also about inspiring the people. It’s the perfect David vs Goliath scenario. Not only do you crush your enemy’s spirits, you also rally the people to your cause. Over and over again, Milza is warned that Theo has a way with the masses, but as always, the villain’s hubris is his downfall.

— But before any of that can get started, we have to deal with Jana, the Black Witch. Siluca tries to grill the woman for information, especially regarding the Great Hall Tragedy. Unfortunately, Jana just snaps and starts laughing like a maniac.

— Plus, the Mage Academy is all too eager to pin all the blame on Jana. Not only do they have a new court rank for Theo (and some extra video game-like goodies to go along with his successful liberation of Sistina), these schmucks want to burn the Black Witch at the stake without a proper investigation. There’s something fishy about this, and Siluca agrees. Unfortunately, she has pressing matters to deal with (like Theo’s return to Altirk), so it wouldn’t really make sense to raise a stink about Jana here and now.

— Man, her executioner looks ridiculous.

— Also, this animation continues to bring shame to A-1 Pictures’ name.

— I mean, just look at that fire! For Christ’s sakes, it looks like a fake stage prop!

— Anyways, Jana refuses to go down quietly even though she’s seconds away from immolation. All of a sudden, she summons a Demon Lord right there and then.

— I think you guys should maybe run.

— Oddly enough, the Demon Lord simply executes Jana with its sword, then vanishes right before everyone’s eyes. Um, okay then. I doubt that’s the last we’ll see of her, but still, I didn’t quite expect this to happen. The story simply reminds us that the whole “ULLLLLTIMATE CHAOOOOOS” dealio is still a threat that our heroes will eventually need to deal with, but not now. Maybe at the end of the series or something. But that’ll be weird, won’t it? We’ll have watched two whole seasons of war and politics only for some supernatural threat from the netherworld to suddenly become a serious problem. Ah well.

— Elsewhere, Milza’s assigned mage warns him about Theo’s exploits in Sistina, but the Dartanian Prince doesn’t care. After all, he’s bested Theo once before in one-on-one combat, and our hero didn’t put up much of a fight.

— There are, however, dismaying news of a direct attack on one of Milza’s fortresses. When the guy arrives to inspect the damage, he asks, “…why aren’t my citizens obeying us?” Uh… are you serious? You’re a foreign invader who just aided in the death of their beloved lord. What did you expect?

— Milza then continues, “I’m only exercising my legitimate right to rule over them, according to the court rank system.” Yeah, I’ll try using that the next time I conquer another nation.

— I thought Milza’s mage might be smart, but not really. He suggests that the prince retaliate against the people: “…that blame should rest on those people who are using them as a front to revolt.” Ooh yeah, that’ll definitely make them obey you. It’s hilarious, though. These chucklefucks can easily invade other countries, but they’re complete dimwits when it comes to actually running one. They can only hold power through fear, so they’re always in danger of being usurped by the next great warrior. But instead of actually self-reflecting on their shortcomings, they instead worship at the feet of strength and power. If someone overthrows me, that just means that they’re stronger! And if they’re stronger, that just means that they’re most just! What a sad, miserable existence.

— So Milza listens to his mage and directly attacks the White Witch’s village. Refugees flee into the forest and hide out in Theo’s castle, a.k.a. Dimitrie’s castle. Say, what is that silly vampire up to these days?

— Luckily for the White Witch and the werewolves, Milza doesn’t continue pursuing them. Instead, he’s busy butchering someone I don’t even recognize. Oh well.

— After another successful murder, Milza continues to brush off the potential threat of Theo’s return: “Even in Sistina, all he did was incite the masses…” Tch, I know, right? All Theo did was incite the masses. When has that ever worked? What a dork!

— Milza then adds, “From now on, I will mow down anyone who stands in my way.” Um… you weren’t already doing that? Did I miss the warm and cuddly Milza phase?

— Upon Theo’s return, he gets a big bro hug from Lassic. I still don’t understand why Lassic has such a hard-on for our hero, but at the same time, I don’t really understand why Siluca loves him either. That’s our punishment for rushing this adaptation. But honestly, would anyone really minded having this adaptation stretch out over multiple seasons? Fleshing out all of these characters and their relationships to Theo can only be a good thing, right? Since so much has been cut out from this adaptation, I just can’t see how a longer, more concerted effort could’ve hurt. Other series will suffer, because they’d end up being bogged down by filler episodes or whatnot. On the other hand, Record of Grancrest War is so devoid of proper character development that I can’t see how 50 or even 100 episodes can honestly be seen as a detriment.

— Oh, uh, this girl is still alive. We saw drink poison right in front of Marrine, but I guess it was all just a ruse.

— Moreno warns Siluca that the other Altirk Lords will blame Theo for leaving. Apparently, a bunch of them went the way of Sir Neyman and died offscreen while our hero was busy liberating his own people. Oh well!

— Theo is a natural politician, though. As soon as the conference begins, he immediately calls for a moment of silence for the fallen lords. Ooh, that’s good. Act like you care.

— But the problem is that we know he does. Theo is not some sort of Machiavellian mastermind. He’s not even Lelouch. He’s legitimately a vanilla, goody-two-shoes. Is that bad? Not necessarily. It’s just that he can be a bit two-dimensional at times. His bold love for Siluca is the only hint of spice to his personality. Otherwise, he’s about as bland as your typical A-1 Pictures protagonist. We should thank our lucky stars he doesn’t have generic black hair (it is instead generic green hair).

— One of the lords in attendance starts passive aggressively griping about Theo’s recent absence, but our hero also has a few defenders in the crowd. I wish I could remember their names, though. At the end of the day, however, they’d still prefer to follow Lassic into battle. Sistina’s liberation has earned our hero a new rank, but he still needs to prove himself in battle.

— Theo plays to their hearts by agreeing that leadership should not be changed for now… but he still volunteers to lead the charge against Milza. In other words, he’s the leader. It’s a clever ploy, but he’s also putting his money where his mouth is. They’ll need to rally most if not all of the free lords’ armies in order to take back Castle Unicorn. If they lose here, they may as well just surrender everything else. With Theo in charge of such an invasion, he’s their leader in all but name. At the same time, he’ll still have to succeed. There’s no hiding from Milza at this point.

— Elsewhere, Marrine is also having a little pow-wow with her precious conference of, like, three people. She’s even baked madeleines for them! One can hardly imagine that this is the same girl who gassed an entire castle and fucked a dude just for his cooperation. She also seems either oblivious or indifferent to the bad blood between her own allies.

— Apparently, the slaves in Starck are in revolt, but I can barely remember where Starck is. Is that the nation that got gassed by Marrine? Ah well. Marrine tells the red-headed girl that she won’t tell her lords how to manage their territories, which just makes her even more unlikable. She’s on this great big conquest to unite all of the lands under her name, but she doesn’t give two shits about the people. But that’s not even the funny part. The funny part is when Milza starts lecturing the red-head: “Suppressing them by force will only breed ill will.” Ahahahahaha, this coming from the guy who just retaliated against a peaceful village!

— Anyways, Marrine is also concerned about Theo. She’s seen firsthand how he can rally troops to his cause! But blah blah blah, Milza don’t care. That’s when Aubeste shows up with perfect timing to deliver the bad news. Theo intends to take back the Forest of Eternal Darkness, and Milza is not pleased. Oh man, that poor madeleine! Now you’ve got sugar and grease all over your hand, dude. How are you gonna grip a sword in battle like that?

— Basically, Milza’s troops outnumbers Theo’s troops 5 to 1 (I can math!), but our hero will make like the Vietcong and force the enemy to fight them within the Forest of Eternal Darkness.

— Not only that, Theo has people to fan of the flames of rebellion. To nobody’s surprise, there’s an anti-Milza faction lurking about. Not only that, there’s that slave revolt in Starck. So who should step up and take charge here? Why, it’s Juzel Rossini! Bearing no ill will towards Theo at all, he has followed his brothers’ murderer to Altirk! Amazing! Theo has such a way with people!

— Meanwhile, Milza’s mage correctly points out that they’re walking into a death trap. We can’t do it, man! We can’t face the Charlies in the treeline! But does Milza listen? Of course not. If anything, he feels insulted anyone would even doubt him. Still, I don’t expect him to lose his life in the upcoming battle. Instead, he’s going to lose a lot of troops and get pushed back to Castle Unicorn. Just earlier in the episode, Marrine had warned him not to hesitate to request for backup against Theo, but I suspect he’ll realize this too late. Oh well, the sooner we deal with him, the better. ‘Cause Marrine needs to be punished shortly afterwards.

What crazy situations are our magical girls getting themselves into now? 

— Nijimi, the girl that we had seen at the end of last week’s episode, is in fact an idol. In fact, her group takes after dogs. This is gross, and this is even grosser. In any case, we’re also being introduced to one of her fanatical followers. Naoto is your typical shut-in, but he’s also short on his rent. How this guy will figure into the bigger picture, however, is currently unknown.

— Anyways, Rina has since collapsed since last week’s ordeal. Since repeated use of your own magic stick will deplete your life force, it stands to reason that repeated use of multiple magic sticks will quicken your demise. As a result, the girl is now unconscious in the hospital, and according to the doctor, she has the organs of an elderly woman. Y’know, your skin is an organ too… isn’t it convenient that she still looks perfectly beautiful on the outside?

— Aya can’t help but lament the fact that she’s been chosen to be a mahou shoujo. After all, what good is a magic stick if it slowly kills you? Actually, I’d say it’s very good. Had she not had her gun, she would’ve been raped. You just have to use it only when you absolutely need to.

— Aya tries to ask about Tsuyuno’s past, but the girl is not forthcoming. Still, we get to see it, and so far, it appears that her parents had been brutally murdered. Just to add extra oomph to the cruelty, her mother was even pregnant when she was killed. But what happened after that is anybody’s guess. Knowing this anime, it’s probably rape and/or torture.

— The girls want to revive Rina, because they want to know more about this Tempest dealio that will supposedly bring about the end of the world. But gosh, how can they save a girl whose organs are about to fail? Ah, maybe someone has a stick that can revive the girl!

— So they look through Rina’s notebook on people to kill, and it’s full of people that they don’t recognize. But how did Rina even know how to target? Is there a mahou shoujo locator app or something? Or maybe someone is feeding her information on who to kill. Either way… the only recognizable face in the notebook is, of course, our dog idol Nijimi.

— Ah, generic scenes of a crappy idol concert. I definitely needed this.

— Afterwards, there’s a meet-and-greet with the idols, and that crazy fan from the start of the episode is in attendance. Unfortunately for him, Aya and Tsuyuno get to Nijimi first. With their powers combined, they manage to teleport the girl out of the venue. They proceed to introduce themselves as mahou shoujos, but the idol isn’t even fazed. She’s plum happy to see them. That’s fishy.

— Unfortunately, Nijimi’s handlers eventually locate her, so the rest of the conversation cannot continue. Nevertheless, Aya and Tsuyuno are invited to Nijimi’s apartment later that night.

— When our girls go to see the idol, they find that she’s being attended to day and night by a bunch of otaku slaves. Oh, so she has the power to control others. That’s quite dangerous, isn’t it? You kinda almost want to bail, ’cause you’d never know when the girl might try to enslave you.

— Nijimi starts taking off her shorts, because her stick isn’t very conventional at all. Granted, no one’s stick has been conventional. Aya has a gun, and Tsuyuno has a phone app. Nevertheless, Nijimi’s stick is actually a pair of panties. And with it, she can force others into obeying her… even people who wouldn’t otherwise care about the girl.

— Tsuyuno wonders, however, how Nijimi has been concealing the use of her stick. After all, don’t these girls bleed whenever they use their magical powers? Ahh, Nijimi does bleed. Just use your imagination.

— Still, this episode isn’t as crazy as it sounds. If you watch it, you might yourself as bored as I am. When you watch something as violent and cruel as Mahou Shoujo Site, you eventually become desensitized to the violence and cruelty. All the blood becomes old hat. Even Kaname’s psychotic abusive behavior towards Aya becomes old hat. Without a good story, unless the show continues to escalate its trashiness, it just becomes boring. And while the panties reveal is a bit of an eyebrow raiser, it really isn’t all that crazy. So she can control people with her panties. Big whoop.

— Anyways, Aya and Tsuyuno aren’t the first mahou shoujos to enter Nijimi’s life. Her former best friend was a mahou shoujo too. Unfortunately, her life was cut short by none other than Rina. As a result, Nijimi hates Rina more than anyone. She really, really hates Rina. Oh dear.

— Our girls decide to keep their information about Rina to themselves, but you can already kinda predict what’s going to happen. Nijimi will undoubtedly find out that they’ve been protecting Rina and flip her shit. It’s just a matter of when.

— As the girls get ready to leave, Nijimi compels them to share their contact info. They should thank their lucky stars that they got away from the girl in the first place. Being enslaved is no joke. Just watch that other trashy show of the season.

— Back at the hospital, we learn that Sarina is still alive. Y’know Sarina, right? Remember those girls that bullied Aya? Sarina’s the ringleader, and she’s out for revenge. And she just happens to be standing around the corner when Aya and Tsuyuno loudly discuss their tentative plans to locate another mahou shoujo (since it doesn’t appear that Nijimi can help them).

— Piqued with curiosity, Sarina decides to enter the room that the girls had just left. In it, she finds that creepy girl from the website. Welp, looks like the bully is going to become a mahou shoujo too.

— And elsewhere, we see Kaname going through his sister’s browser history, but it’s not as if he can do anything with the site.

— As Aya and Tsuyuno leave the hospital grounds, the former expresses happiness at the fact that she now has a friend. That’s true. She’s no longer lonely. Still, any sort of happiness is short-lived in this sort of story, because both girls have just gotten themselves into a bigger mess. Not only is Sarina up and about, Nijimi is a ticking time bomb, and Kaname’s not going to give up on Aya that easily. Plus, what was even the point of Naoto, that crazy Nijimi fan? He has to have a role to play since he took up way too much time in this episode just to be a nobody.

— Wut.

The battle for the Gran Crevasse is underway, and Zero-Two’s leading the charge. Unfortunately, Strelizia is firmly locked in beast mode. Ultimately, none of those stamen could last with her. Could she have spared them? Maybe. Look, don’t get the wrong idea. I don’t think Zero-Two is a moral, ethical being. She’s practically a feral beast. But this is just the classic nature vs. nurture argument. Of course she’s dangerous to Hiro, and if you were his friend, you’d be justifiably concerned about him spending time with her. Nevertheless, the devil is in the details. A closer examination of Zero-Two’s origins clearly reveals someone who had been made into a beast. I’m not talking about the klaxosaur blood running through her veins. I’m talking about the relentless physical and mental torture that she had to endure. Any human would go rotten in her place. Let’s not pretend otherwise. So the follow up question is whether or not she can be rehabilitated. This is why I don’t agree that she and Hiro should’ve been separated. Again, she’s dangerous, but if there’s a chance that he can restore her humanity, I think that’s far more important than his own personal safety. If you think that this is going to “all lengths” just to defend the girl, then so be it. I’ve made my case and I’ll stand by it.

Hiro initially has to stay behind, and this makes sense. After all, I was afraid that Ichigo might’ve been stupid enough to go into this dangerous battle with him as her stamen. But for now, Squad 13 will engage the mission without Hiro. Nevertheless, the team appear to be in good spirits. They all seem practically unnerved by the fact that they’re about to head into the most dangerous battle of their lives. Are they just putting on a brave face for Hiro’s sake? After all, they wouldn’t want him to worry. Or do they genuinely think that the magic of teamwork will help them pull through? But no matter how optimistic his teammates might look, Hiro must be in the dumps. Not only has he lost Zero-Two, he can’t even be there for his friends when they need him. They’re putting their lives on the line, and he finds himself back at square one: grounded like a useless, flightless bird. What has he been fighting for all this time? Didn’t he want to fly at all costs? Didn’t he risk his life with Zero-Two just for the chance to taste freedom? And now he’s just going to sit back and take it? I can’t see that. That would be terrible for his characterization. Hiro would essentially be going backwards. Plus, he knows deep down that the adults have no need for useless children. Even if he can successfully link up with Ichigo, it would still leave Goro as the odd man out. There’s no positive outcome here. One of them will be screwed either way. Either he forces it with Ichigo and Goro disappears, or he disappears. As a result, he has no choice but to reunite with Zero-Two.

When the perspective switches back to Zero-Two, we see that her horns have grown out of control. Actually, they’re now more like tree roots than they are horns. Similarly, any sign of humanity has left her eyes. Nevertheless, Strelizia quickly dashes to Plantation 13’s defense when a behemoth klaxosaur punctured the city’s dome. Is she just looking for a fight or does some small glimmer of her still care about the city? The answer to this question is not so clear cut, because even in her bestial state, Zero-Two  can’t help but cry out to the void that the line between her and her bestial side is blurring. She doesn’t want this, but the human aspect of her personality no longer has any control over her actions. As Strelizia struggles to with itself, Dr. Franxx watches from a safe distance and compares Zero-Two to a klaxosaur, a proud but lonely beast fighting out of instinct. Hiro instantly leaps to her defense, but just an episode ago, he couldn’t help but call her a monster. This guilt instantly weighs on his conscience. Granted, everyone’s emotions were running high at the time, and after what she had done to his friends, you could say that he was justified in calling her a monster… but deep down, he knows now what he has to do. If he truly believes that Zero-Two is more than just a beast, then he needs to put his money where his mouth is and go to her. Like him, Zero-Two isn’t complete without her partner. We all need someone. Hiro just needs one final push to summon up his courage.

Hiro thus visits Zero-Two’s room one more time. As he examines her claw marks on the walls and ceiling, he wonders what she had wanted to tell him right before he pushed her away. He eventually discovers that the girl had tried to fix his gift to her. She tried to mend the broken pieces of her personal mirror with scotch tape right before she left the team. If only it were that easy. If only her humanity could just be held together by some tape. She can’t do it alone. More importantly, this is her way of expressing remorse. She’s sorry that things turned out this way. She’s sorry that she ruined Hiro’s gift. She’s sorry that she used him. He had been trying to reach out to her all this time, but because she tunnel-visioned so hard on becoming a human for her darling, she was blind to the fact that her darling had been right beside her all this time. No, this is not complete absolution for Zero-Two, but it’s a step in the right direction. The girl has a character arc, and she’s slowly inching her way towards rehabilitation.

With his resolve now firmly steeled, Hiro finally hops into a training unit in order to make his way to Zero-Two. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get far before the tiny vehicle falls apart. Nevertheless, he’ll crawl his way to Zero-Two if he needs to. After all, he’s realized that there’s nobody else for him but Zero-Two. It’s more than just about flying. He wants someone to help him stand up against the adults. He needs someone to help him question their motives and why the world around them has to be the way that it is. All of the other children simply adore Papa. Hiro can choose to remain ignorant too, but a certain emptiness within him will always gnaw away at his soul if he closes his eyes to the truth. He needs to fight back against that feeling, and he needs Zero-Two for that. He needs to convince his friends to help him, though. Most of all, he has to convince Ichigo, who still wants to protect her first and only love at all costs.

And seeing Hiro’s desperation, Goro also finally stands up for what he believes in. Despite Ichigo’s wishes, he stops Delphinium in its tracks and gives up his seat to Hiro. He’s not doing it for Ichigo’s sake, though. He’s doing it so that Hiro can actually get to Zero-Two. Goro is an interesting side character, and I like how his arc has developed. He doesn’t deserved to be loved by Ichigo just because he loves her back, but it’s not just about that. He’s also Hiro’s friend. He’s been capitulating to Ichigo’s whims and desires because she’s the team leader — and also, because he loves her — but no more. After seeing what Hiro is willing to put himself through just to get to Zero-Two, how can a true friend not support that? This is a great step for Goro as a character, because he’s coming into his own. He’s more than just a guy who loses to Hiro. He’s more than just a guy who pines for Ichigo. He’s not just another NTR meme. He has his own beliefs and he gets a say, too. They all get a say. This is not just the Ichigo show.

Is it Hiro’s determination that’s allowing him to link up with Ichigo? When his and Ichigo’s minds connect, the girl can’t help but see that Hiro’s thoughts are completely dominated by his feelings for Zero-Two. There’s no room in there for her at all, so she has to admit defeat. If she truly cares about Hiro at all, then she has to relent and help him reach Zero-Two. To be fair to Ichigo, Goro is right in that a part of her worries about Zero-Two. Obviously, she cares about Hiro far, far more, but it’s not like she hates Zero-Two. Furthermore, I never argued in last week’s post — or any previous post, for that matter — that she hated the pink-haired demon girl. Rather, Ichigo was just thinking for herself. She was being selfish, and using her love for Hiro as a front to cover up her selfishness. It’s not that she doesn’t care about Hiro. Obviously, she does. It’s that she wasn’t considering what he truly wanted.

Ichigo’s main flaw is that she’s too much of a parent. Your parents always want what they think is best for you, and until they see you as an adult who can make his or her own decisions, their love for you often leads to overprotectiveness. They value your safety over your dreams, because they can’t stop seeing you as their child. While you are content to live and die for the life that you want to live, they don’t want to feel the pain of losing you. This is Ichigo’s conundrum. Not only does Hiro want to fly, he also wants to question the adults. He wants to go out into the dangerous world and learn more about it. Ichigo loves him, so she just wants to protect him. She thinks nothing could be worse than him dying. Sure, he might be a little unhappy under her wings, but her love for him can make up for that… or so she thinks. She doesn’t realize, however, that keeping him cooped up like a caged bird would feel just like dying but in a different way. Every parent must eventually let go of their children. It’s Ichigo’s turn to let Hiro fly. Like Goro, it’s her turn to take a step forward. As the old adage goes, if you love truly love someone, let them go. So with Ichigo’s help, Hiro manages to pilot Delphinium all the way to Strelizia, but then Ichigo suddenly takes over. She starts picking a fight with Zero-Two, because even though she has admitted defeat, she still needs to let off some steam. We can’t hold this against her, though. After all, it’s easier for Hiro to board Strelizia if it sits still. Ichigo isn’t just raging out for rage’s sake, but it still must have been cathartic to slap Zero-Two around a bit.

In any case, Hiro eventually climbs back into his old seat, but the controls are unresponsive. Zero-Two is also unresponsive. If he wants to rescue her, he’ll need to plumb the depths of her subconscious once more. This time, he sees the rest of her story. According to Dr. Franxx, the incident with Zero-Two made Hiro useless. He could no longer partner up with any of his peers because he ingested her blood. On the other hand, Zero-Two never gave up. The adults couldn’t delete Zero-Two’s memories of Hiro no matter how hard they tried. She tried so hard to hold onto their short-lived time together that she even went so far as to devour her precious storybook. She literally tried to embody her own fantasy. Eventually, Hiro manages to reach Zero-Two, and back in the real world, she continues to express her remorse. Even now, she’s afraid to be with him, because she knows what she has done is wrong. Still, I’d argue that you just can’t expect her to become a fully mature person out of nowhere. If you want to write her off completely, then sure. Go ahead and do that. But Hiro chooses to stay with Zero-Two despite everything. Most of all, he’s right: any relationship can only thrive with communication. And now that they’ve been through hell and back, Zero-Two will hopefully stop holding her insecurities to herself.

And with that, Strelizia’s human form emerges once more, but this time, it’s red like Zero-Two. She’s embracing all of herself now, because she no longer has to fear Hiro’s rejection. He doesn’t need her to look like a human, beause she’s human to him no matter what. Together, they practically moan each other’s names as they smash through the behemoth klaxosaur threatening Plantation 13. With their fervent expressions of love for each other, we’re right back to the campy feels of the first few episodes. Y’know, back when we all mistook this for a mecha anime. But that’s Trigger’s shtick, isn’t it? It’s about not having any shame for what you love. The couple is even broadcasting their newfound communication to the rest of their teammates. Sure, CloverWorks is in charge of this episode, but Trigger’s fingerprints are all over this climax. Unfortunately, the battle isn’t over just yet. With the help of the Nines, Strelizia breaks through the dome around the Gran Crevasse. Should they have done this? Should they have carried out the mission like the Elders wanted them to? I guess it’s too late to debate that now. With this, Papa and the rest of the Elders are eager to carry forth humanity’s “liberation.” But all of a sudden, a giant hand emerges from the pit and nearly destroys Squad 13 and their plantation. What now?

With Hiro and Zero-Two finally united for good (I hope), it’s time for Darling in the FranXX to explain its setting. Why is this world the way that it is? What are the Elders after? What do the klaxosaurs come from, and why are they so bio-mechanical? What was that thing that came out of those cores? Was that a twisted form of a human child? The list of questions goes on.

Misc. notes and observations:

— They still haven’t really explained what’s so important about the Gran Crevasse. Yes, Papa think that it’s important. Yes, Papa thinks that this battle could be the turning point in humanity’s history… but why?

— What is your wish?! Tell me your wish! It’s episode 15! Stop hiding important plot details from the audience!

— Well, for now, I can only assume that all klaxosaurs will be defeated if Papa and his ilk can take over the Gran Crevasse. But is it really that simple? I can’t imagine that to be the case. They must have some ulterior motive. Maybe I’m just conditioned to distrust any sort of mysterious individuals sitting in a room. After decades and decades of watching anime, my prejudice towards them has been etched into my bones. They must be conspirators.

— Oooh, no OP. That means shit’s about to go down. We still get the delayed title card, which is a thing that I just love. Nothing gets me more hyped up than when I’m so immersed in the story that I totally forget about the title card… then BAM. I think Nier: Automata’s third act had the best delayed title card.

— All of these kids have been created, raised, and trained just to die in this battle. None of the adults have put their lives on the line. What’s worse is that the pistil feels everything that the FranXXs feel. If the robot is “in pain,” then the female pilot is in pain.

— So I guess the Nines all have FranXXs that look like Strelizia. They don’t look as personified as Strelizia (they all seem to lack faces), of course. In any case, the Nines all have klaxosaur blood in them too? To varying degrees, I must imagine. Zero-Two is the strongest, but she’s also borderline uncontrollable. So it would make sense that they used her as a template for future human-klaxosaur hybrids.

— I don’t envy Goro. I wonder if his and Ichigo’s performance will suffer any in the ensuing battle.

— Looks like all those people griping at the start of the series about the lack of same-sex partners were jumping the gun a bit. Actually, they’ll probably just complain about the fact that the Nines are abnormal in some way. They’ll never be satisfied, because that’s not what they want.

— Alpha sure has a disproportionate amount of interest in Ichigo. This might be something to track in later episodes. Even if Hiro ends up with Zero-Two, which has seemed all but certain since the start of the series, it’s not as if Goro will get Ichigo for free. She doesn’t even seem to see him in any romantic light. Just because someone likes you, it doesn’t mean you have to like them back. We have to remember that. I’m mad at Ichigo for not being more considerate of Goro’s feelings, but I would never blame her for not loving him back. We are free to feel what we feel, and love who we love… we should just be cognizant of how our actions might affect others.

— I wish there wasn’t such a dusty haze over everything. I want the show’s palette to pop, but that brownish filter is getting in the way.

— The insert song here is kinda whatever to me. It’s not really getting me hyped up.

— Eventually, the boss shows up, and it’s apparently a Super Lehmann-class… as if I know what that even means. It looks kinda goofy, but then again, all of the klaxosaurs have looked kinda goofy so far.

— The giant klaxosaur ends up upending Plantation 26 entirely, and it’s going straight for Plantation 13. Did the adults really not think that something horrible would show up if they attacked the Gran Crevasse? In any case, I still think this bit would look so much cooler without the hazy filter.

— The Elders tell Code 090, one of the pilots for Plantation 26, to execute Protocol 32. Since he says it would be a great honor, it’s probably some kamikaze bullshit. These kids no longer have a home, so the Elders don’t really care to keep them around. How heartless. How much longer are these kids going to continue obeying their cruel masters? It’s just so hard to relate to someone so willingly throwing their lives away. I know it’s an honor to die for your country, and the adults are all about propaganda. They even stage fake award ceremonies just to keep these kids brainwashed. But once you’re staring danger right in the face, shouldn’t nature take over? I guess not. I suppose that they’ve been engineered and raised to be obedient.

— To nobody’s surprise, Protocol 32 doesn’t work. The behemoth klaxosaur rips a hole through Plantation 13’s dome, then begins to vomit klaxosaurs into the city. It’s kinda gnarly.

— No one can really help Squad 13. You see a few stragglers fighting with them, but the rest of the children will remain focused on the Gran Crevasse. If Squad 13 doesn’t want to end up like Squad 26, they’re going to defend their city mostly on their own. It’s sad, because the adults don’t even deserve it. The adults don’t deserve their pathetic, zombie-like lives.

— It’s odd how Strelizia can just run through a crowd of klaxosaurs and they end up all exploding. I know she’s strong, but what exactly is she doing to them to make them explode? I guess this isn’t plot critical.

— My problem with the Nines is that they all seem to have the same sassy and smug personality. It’s kinda stupid to watch in action.

— Hm, Delphinium’s hat got knocked off. It looks a bit weird without it.

— What the hell just fell out of a core? Is that a child?

— The Elders are desperate to take control of the Gran Crevasse, so they have an entire plantation self-destruct just to breach the Gran Crevasse’s defense. Christ. Papa and his ilk don’t care about anyone — not even the adults. Even Dr. Franxx can’t believe what he’s seeing. If Papa doesn’t end up being the final boss of this entire series, I’d be very surprised. It’s not just the kids who have to stand up and revolt. The adults (like the old lady that Zorome met) need to join them.

— Oh great, now we have a superboss.

I just finished watching a pretty damn good episode, so let’s see how Persona 5 The Animation brings me back down to Earth. 

— Those 3D items on Igor’s desk look embarrassing. I now wish someone else had gotten their hands on this adaptation. Considering how the game’s anime cutscenes were done by Production I.G, maybe this should’ve just gone to them instead.

— Also, why is this explanation coming from the Velvet Room inhabitants? This is what Morgana is for.

— Ryuji is drooling over the thought of Ann in a bikini, but she’s got no booty. Unfortunately, none of the girls do. JRPG devs have a lot to learn from PlatinumGames.

— Hm, what did Akechi notice when he saw Ren and Ryuji? Could he have already realized who Ren was this early into the story?

— We get to see how Morgana was stalking the guys, but I’m still salty about how last week’s episode ended. What’s supposed to happen is for them to leave the place without offering to help the cat out with Mementos (something that will be introduced later in the story). He would then get angry with them for ditching him. See, Morgana doesn’t really care about Kamoshida or the guys’ school. Unlike the friendly and lonely Teddie, the cat is initially only in this for himself, and he sees Ren as a useful pawn. I like this early characterization, because I always felt turned off by how much Teddie fawned over Yu (everyone in Persona 4 worshiped him, to be honest). He’ll eventually grows into an indispensable member of the team, but that whole dynamic has been downplayed a lot by leaving out his early minor conflict with the boys.

— Interestingly enough, Ren and Ryuji don’t split up to gather information.

— I don’t remember the boys questioning Shiho directly, but I might’ve forgotten this part.

— Oh hey, it’s Ann’s modeling rival.

— We finally get to see that all-important scene where Ren gets to talk to Ann and understand what she’s going through. Basically, the rumors about her and Kamoshida aren’t true. Unfortunately, I think Ann’s delivery was stronger in the game. We’re also missing Ren’s attempt to cheer her up afterwards.

— Still, I’ve always liked this scene. I thought it hit the right emotional note, and it really endeared me to Ann as well. Morgana tells the boys that they can solve their Kamoshida problem by stealing his treasure, but the cat can’t assure them that Kamoshida won’t die as a result. Sure, Ren and Ryuji want to stop Kamoshida, but they don’t exactly want murder on their hands. Who would? Ren’s talk with Ann, however, pushes him one step closer to accepting the fact that even if Kamoshida does end up dying, it’d still be preferable to his continued abuse and predation. Of course, the tragic event is what seals the deal, but Ann’s breakdown is an important step towards that.

— It’s unfortunate that Ann’s importance kinda faded over time after this arc. Yukari always remained central to Persona 3’s story even if Aigis kinda came out of nowhere and started usurping her role as Makoto’s love interest. On the other hand, there wasn’t really a main girl in Persona 4 until that dreaded Marie showed up.

— Just as an aside, I really hated Marie’s stupid poems.

— This is unnecessary.

— It’s supposed to be the history teacher leading the class during Shiho’s suicide attempt, but the adaptation probably changed it to Sadayo, because it didn’t want to show us a new face without actually introducing us to him. I don’t think it would’ve hurt, but whatever.

— That fall really bruised her face…

— The adaptation adds a small moment where Ren convinces Ann to go with Shiho. Hm.

— In the game, this is where Kamoshida’s true nature finally comes out in full force. In the anime, however, we’ve already been warned ahead of time that he’s evil. It takes away from the impact of the revelation.

— Mishima is sad and pathetic, but I never really minded him too much. I mean, he’s supposed to be annoying. All of the Moon arcanas are. From P3 to P5, they’re all supposed to be extremely flawed individuals with Nozomi truly taking the cake. Still, I really liked the fact that you had to turn Ai down if you truly wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with her.

— It’s a good thing I didn’t mind Mishima either, since his social link rewards you with bonus exp after battle. I couldn’t help but cringe at the fact that a lot of streamers could’ve shorten the amount of grinding that they needed to do if they had just befriended Mishima.

— Hm, we completely skip the part where Ann gets sucked into the other world and freaks out at the sight of Ren and Ryuji in costume. It’s one of the story’s many humorous moments.

— If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…

— Wait, what? Already?! We still haven’t unlocked Ann’s Phantom Thief form!

— All of a sudden, a siren goes off, so we’ll get to Ann real soon. Still, why would a castle have a siren?

— Uh…

— …no comment. Actually, no, I’ll say this: it’s just funny at this point. It’s hilarious.

— Still, I always thought it was badass for her to grab the sword and cut up the fake Ann. Instead of being ashamed of her sexual appeal, she’s taking control of it. This, however, looks like bad female anatomy in action.

— The adaptation downplays a major aspect of Kamoshida’s evil, though. When the guys enter this room, they’re supposed to see a bunch of girls writhing around in sexual pleasure. Basically, that’s how he sees the female students. Maybe the anime just doesn’t want to deal with it, but this part is cut out completely. Also, the adaptation seems to lean heavily towards the idea that all he did was beat Shiho up.

— I like Ann’s design, but those pink gloves are tragic.

— I’m amused how Pixie keeps showing up in these fights. She should’ve been recruited by now.

— Sigh…

— C’mon, why would you leave out the characters’ unique backgrounds? For instance, check Ann’s out:

They show off so much personality! Ann’s background still makes an appearance on her phone, but still…

— I wish my cat was smart enough to sit still in a bag.

— Oh, they’re finally going to have the main character use a gun? Took them long enough.

— At least they didn’t leave out Ryuji’s amateurish art on the calling card. In any case, it looks like we’ll finish up Kamoshida in just four episodes. I guess that makes sense considering how many palaces that we still have, but the story is so abridged. Our hero still hasn’t visited Tae. He also hasn’t been to the weapons shop either. It has one of the best tracks in the entire game! Needless to say, I’m really disappointed by this adaptation. I’m going to stick it out simply because it’s Persona 5, but yeah…

I hope you’re ready to learn the ins and outs of this awesome tournament. 

— This extended breakdown of the term “Squad Jam” is a bit odd. Anyways, brace yourself for a ton of exposition. Not only do we need to know what a “Squad Jam” is, we apparently also need to know how its complete history.

— Battle royales are so hot nowadays. I’ve never tried them, though. I don’t see the appeal, and it’s not worth downloading gigs and gigs just to give them a shot. Sure, I might be missing out. After all, I never would’ve tried MOBAs if my ex didn’t rope me into playing League of Legends. Still, I don’t think I’m gonna lose any sleep over passing up Fortnite or whatever.

— Pito supposedly participated in the last “Bullet of Bullets” tournament. She was eliminated early, though. That’s probably a good thing. She might have fallen in love with Kirito too if she had bumped into him.

— Some novelist in his 50s came up with the battle royale concept for GGO. Okay. Good to know, I guess.

— I think what has always kinda annoyed me about every single SAO series is that they often have such bland environments. In fact, GGO is one of the ugliest MMOs I’ve ever seen.

— Karen gets to have a smaller body, but her avatar’s head is the same size as Pito’s head. It just looks weird.

— Pito doesn’t really explain why she wants Karen to sign up for the next Squad Jam so badly. She even insists on Karen’s team being limited to just two people. Why can’t they recruit a few more helpful hands? Pito can’t even participate, so what exactly is she after? What’s in this for her? Maybe I’m being a little paranoid, but I just find this a bit odd.

— The girl has long suspected that Karen is insecure about something in real life, but it’s okay! After all, she has issues of her own too, and that’s why she “escapes” to MMOs. It’s odd, isn’t it? Not that they have issues, but that they all have issues. I think most people got into the initial SAO — not the show but the actual game — because they were simply fans of VRMMOs. Ever since Sinon, however, every new character has some sort of serious issue that compels them to play an MMO all day, everyday. There was that terminally ill girl that Asuna befriended, then we have Karen and Pito. Will we ever get a protagonist who simply plays for fun?

— Wait, didn’t Kirito feel like his aunt weren’t his real family or some shit? Ah, I forget…

— Pito: “I’m saying whatever we can’t do in reality, let’s take them to the extreme here!” I think that’s a problem with a lot of the villains… In fact, I get the impression that this girl is kinda unhinged. She’s a bit bossy with Karen, and the way she just goes off with her gun sets off a few flags.

— Oh? Karen even went and bought a toy gun to decorate her room?

— If I were in Karen’s shoes, I would’ve just said no right from the start. Like her, I don’t like teaming up with strangers.

— She also has a P90-shaped keychain! That’s some real dedication.

— Hmm, the tournament is held at the same time as Elsa Kanzaki’s concert. Also, Pito can’t attend because she has to go to her best friend’s wedding. Sure, sure…

— In general, GGO is very brown.

— Why does Karen have to depend on getting the tickets in order to turn Pito down? Just say no. I guess that’s easy for me to say, though. The girl sadly has no confidence, but maybe if she guns down enough people in the upcoming Squad Jam, she’ll just magically fix herself.

— Huh, M knows Pito in real life.

— Oh come on, don’t start going over the rules. No more exposition, please. No… no… nooooooo!

— Welp, Pito’s going to go over the “important points” even though Karen already read up on the tournament. I’ll see you guys in a bit.

— Karen’s avatar is incredibly unfair. Her hitbox is so small, so combined with her agility, she’s super hard to kill. People will naturally underestimate her, so she’ll have the surprise factor when going up against them. Making her the leader might make strategic sense on that front. Since the satellite scan only reveals the location of each team’s leader, you’d want your leader to be someone that’s hard to bring down.

— If this is how M looks in the game, he’s probably some heartthrob in real life. And Pito in real life is probably the short, cute girl that Karen has always dreamed of being. I’d put my money on it. Well, that’s even assuming Pito is a girl. Say… has any major SAO character ever turned out to be a member of the opposite sex in real life? So far, girls have been girls, and guys have been guys, right?

— Yep, Pito is psycho.

— Not that it matters, but why a pineapple? Also, I’m firmly in the pineapple-on-pizza camp.

— Y’know, the only people I’ve met in real life who cares this much about battle tactics like M are gigantic nerds. Nothing against nerds, because I’m one myself. I’m just saying…

— Frankly, I have no interest in guns, so all this talk about them just goes in one ear and out the other. Unfortunately, I sit next to a gun fanatic at work. We don’t talk. Speaking of which, he’s also a PUBG fan… he might even like this anime.

— Take a close look at this girl. It’s probably Pito. There’s no way Elsa Kan-whatever would be so goddamn important to this story if she wasn’t a major player in GGO as well.

— Karen writes a fan letter to Elsa confessing that she hopes to become a more confident person by playing GGO. So like Sinon, she’s using the game as a way to cope with actual psychological issues. Do people ever play MMOs in order to effect actual change on themselves in real life? Maybe some people do.

But I feel like most people — people that have actual issues, that is — tend to retreat to the internet in order to escape further from reality. Even with MMOs, the internet is often little more than an echo chamber. As an aside, this blog is no different; I do this as a hobby, after all. I’m certainly not making any money from the site. Although I’m open to calm criticism and disagreements, if people come at me with an argumentative tone, I’ll check their comment history to see if it’s a pattern. And if it is, I’ll quickly ignore them. I realize that this is somewhat hypocritical since I often relentlessly mock shows that I disagree with, but eh… again, it’s not something that I’ll lose any sleep over.

— The sponsor goes, “Everyone, please get your fill shooting each other in the game.” Sheesh.

— Lots of male avatars getting ready for Squad Jam. I guess it’s rare for the random character generator to create female avatars. Either that or female avatars tend to shy away from tournaments, but that would be odd.

— Well, we’re right back to the start of the series.

— The girl happily fires a gun, but she cringes at the sight of a knife? In fact, she’s never had to melee in PvE?

— Maybe if he had made the knife pink, she would’ve been more receptive to it.

— The guy advises her to target other players’ femoral arteries or Achilles tendon. I’ve never seen a game where you could actually deal that sort of specialized damage to the enemy. At best, head shots will do the most damage, and limbs will take the least damage. I’m not saying it’s impossible for GGO to have this level of detail… I just doubt it.

— Still, the episode just ends here. After way too much exposition, the rest of the episode fails to build to any sort of climax.

— After three whole episodes, Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online still lacks a compelling hook. Like, what’s the endgame? What are our characters hoping to achieve beyond just winning a random tournament? Karen’s desire to become a stronger person in real life is also too nebulous of a goal. I’m not saying that the show needs some big, bad villain like the Kirito-focused arcs, but it needs something to work towards.

Maybe I should give these guys a chance, but eh… 

— Is that guy a walking speech bubble? Sorry, I’m not an expert on My Hero Academia nor will I ever be. I just feel like watching at least one action-packed shounen at a time, and I’m way too far behind the curve to even approach One Piece.

— That one girl makes a good point: they all have different Quirks, so how is this even going to work? What is the invisible girl going to do? Become even more invisible? I can’t wait to see what the story comes up with for her.

— Interesting angle.

— You’d think this would start affecting the weather or something.

— Okay, we’re going through the students one-by-one, and I’m just waiting for them to get to Toru…

— I would hate to be the ones that have eat constantly. I could imagine myself getting sick of the taste real quick and wanting to throw up.

— After all that waiting, we see Toru just hiding. Welp.

— Oh hey, there’s a catdude in the cat troupe. I’m amused that he still has to wear a skirt.

— There Deku goes again about how he doesn’t deserve his Quirk. But doesn’t he? Doesn’t he deserve it more than anyone here? Those other guys didn’t do anything to get their Quirks. You either hit the genetic lottery or you don’t. Deku’s the only one who impressed All Might with his selflessness. What makes saintly characters like Deku somewhat grating is when they’re not just humble but also relentlessly self-deprecating. No, that’s the wrong word. Self-deprecation is somewhat humorous. The kid isn’t whining, but… you just want to tell the kid to cool it sometimes. Chill. Relax. Pride might be a sin, but it’s okay to be proud of yourself.

— Everyone now have to cook their own curry while the instructors laugh maniacally. Does anyone have, like, a cooking Quirk? Like maybe Solar Hands or a God Tongue. Then again, I guess they wouldn’t be enrolled in an academy for heroes, huh?

— Instead of digging into his hard-earned meal, Deku picks up where he last left off by worrying too much about Kota. Why does it have to fall on his shoulders to help the kid out? If this is what Kota needs, then why has his aunt dropped the ball? Yeah, this is what defines Deku. His genuine care and affection for everyone around him is what makes him a great hero. But at the same time, from a narrative point of view, this also makes him a bit one-dimensional.

— I kinda dislike Kota’s aggressive characterization.

— Christ, this dude…

— The bad guys still aren’t ready to strike. Plus, it’s too bad that these guys aren’t really all that well characterized. Dabi appears to be the ringleader of this ragtag group, but what do we know about him other than that he respects Stain’s ideology? I guess I can’t really expect a show with so many characters, you can’t expect everyone to have unique but equally compelling motivations.

— Forcing the students to go to bed late and wake up early is kinda bad on both their minds and bodies. Even the army is trying to reverse this trend of sleep deprivation. These are kids who are still developing. And if they’re going to push their bodies to limit, their bodies also need time to recover or you won’t actually see any gains. This is basic training 101. All I’m saying is that the students should try to get at least eight hours of sleep. I say ‘try’ because everyone’s wired differently. At some point, my brain broke, and I can’t get more than six hours of sleep without it starting to hurt. Seriously, if I literally try to force myself to sleep any longer than that, I get a headache. Ah well.

— Deku wants to ask All Might for advice on the whole Kota situation, but his mentor won’t be coming around anytime soon. After all, the villains are after him, so it somewhat makes sense that the kids would be safer without him around? But at the same time, if the kids do fall under attack, who will have the strength to save them? The cat crew? Eh, I don’t have much faith in them. Sure, I know that the villains are about to attack, but even then, I feel like this secret camping trip isn’t that well thought out.

— Plus, shouldn’t the villains change things up a bit? If you really want to get at All Might, it seems to me that it’d be far better to try and crush his supposedly uncrushable spirit. Imagine if you could corrupt Deku or something. Capture him and torture him… prove to All Might that anyone can turn to evil. Maybe Deku is a bad example. He’s too pure. But then again, that’s the point. If you could corrupt someone as seemingly pure as Deku, that’s a big deal. This might be too dark for My Hero Academia, though.

— In fact, if you want to get back at the heroes, you need to shake society’s confidence in them. I dunno how, but hey, isn’t that what villains are supposed to do? Don’t just fight them. Make the heroes have to make a difficult choice — a Sophie’s choice. Hell, make them fight amongst themselves. If you choose to save A, B will die. If you choose to save city X, city Y will go up in flames. No matter what you do, you’ll piss someone else off. Eventually, society will tire of all this hero vs villain charade. I’m not going to say I’m an expert on villainy, but I just feel like these guys aren’t all that threatening. So far, everything has just felt like child’s play, y’know? If you wanna be bad, be a fucking bastard. At the end of the day, it just feels like a lot of them have their own brand of justice. Ah well. Again, maybe I want My Hero Academia to be something it can never be. Not everyone wants that sort of thing. They just want a fun hero show. Obviously, I like The Dark Knight a lot, but its grimdark story can wear on people.

— Shoto is right about the Kota situation. You can’t just talk the kid into liking heroes. Shoto is often the least annoying out of the four main bros.

— And by four main bros, I mean the four guys who always tend to hog the spotlight in every arc. You know who they are.

— Momo seems like she would be the best at this test of courage. She can just create all sorts of scary shit with her powers.

— Deku ends up being the odd man out, but why not just have a team of three people?

— All of a sudden, smoke starts to fill up the forest because the bad guys are finally going to crash this camping trip. It’s about time.

— Jeez, Pixie-Bob got taken out right away. She fights with dirt, and now she gets to eat dirt. So much for protecting the kids.

— And of course, Deku’s first concern is Kota.

Unfortunately, this week’s episode is nowhere near as wild as we got last week. Yuuki and Tsukasa mostly play boyfriend-girlfriend as the story slowly builds up to the next big threat.

— When the episode begins, they’re still in that embrace that had capped off the previous episode. Yuuki reveals that he’s actually been out of work for two whole months. Suspended with pay, then? Anyways, I guess he wasn’t supposed to rage out on that rapey professor, but what was the alternative? Like, what did his superiors think he should’ve done instead? A lot of humans in position would’ve done the same.

— At some point, Tsukasa goes to see her perpetually surprised-looking friend. Unfortunately, I can’t remember what her name is at all. I’ll just call her Surprised-chan.

— Surprised-chan is surprised (ho ho ho) that our heroine has been hanging out with a boy. Look how Tsukasa describes Yuuki, though:

He’s not very friendly, and he often gets angry with me. But he’s very nice. Oh, and he can jump really high.

Needless to say, Surprised-chan is very confused. She’s also very concerned that Tsukasa has gotten this close to Yuuki in such a short amount of time. Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, Surprised-chan! Tsukasa doesn’t let him in. Yuuki lets himself in!

— I mean, who wouldn’t want a boyfriend who has to constantly shoot himself up with drugs or else he’ll murder you and drink your blood? Teetering on the razor thin line between loving relationship and ritualistic murder is hawt. Not only a conservative girl like Tsukasa get to have her thrills, she can also feel like she’s doing charity work. C’mon, if she doesn’t sex up a vampire, who will?

— Afterwards, the girl bumps into a hurried man who is obviously a vampire. But that’s the end of that. Yuuki soon shows up, and he seems a little possessive of Tsukasa.

— Ah, I could go for some hotpot, though. It’s April, but it’s still kinda chilly around here. Hotpot would really do the trick.

— This setup looks uncomfortable, though. Such a tiny kotatsu. Where would they even put their legs? And if they’re sitting with their legs crossed, then that defeats the point of the kotatsu! See? See how boring this episode is? I’m resorting to talking about leg room.

— Anyways, vampires will often stab their victims to make it look like any regular ol’ psychotic murder. Still, wouldn’t any regular ol’ detective realize that copious amounts of blood are missing no matter what? If a hypothetical victim had merely been stabbed, then the blood should still remain on the scene.

— On the news, they’re talking about how a man has gone missing shortly after an apparent murder. Looks like that hurried man from earlier might be related. Might? Make that definitely. As a result, Yuuki starts to worry about Tsukasa’s safety. That’s why he has to grip her head. That’s how you worry about your girlfriends, guys. Try it. She won’t get freaked out at all. She won’t think, “WTF? Why is he gripping my hair?” It’s more effective than you think.

— All of a sudden, Yuuki wants to make out. Unfortunately, a “cat” has made its way onto Tsukasa’s balcony.

— Is there like a vampire magnet on this balcony or something? Of all the balconies to pick in Japan, why Tsukasa’s?

— Sure, the guy is linked to the restaurant murder, but he’s obviously not the killer. After all, he has those ugly bags under his eyes like Yuuki, which means he hasn’t drunk any blood in quite some time. The guy begins to tell his sob story about how he once accidentally killed a man in a fight. After all, vampires are super strong, so it’s easy for them to slip up and use too much of their strength. His opponent started bleeding, so the man… uh… went nuts and drank his blood. But y’see, this was the event that totally made him turn a new leaf! He swore to never drink blood again! It’s weird how the story wants to paint him in a sympathetic light, but in my head, I’m still thinking how he killed a man then ran.

— Yuuki eventually call his cop buddies to pick the guy up. After all, he’s “innocent,” and he needs protection. Jill came along for the ride, and she starts getting jealous of Tsukasa. As a result, she stirs up shit by telling Yuuki to come over to her place later. Any normal person would see right through her ruse, but Tsukasa starts crying because of course she does. All the girls want Yuuki’s half-vampire dick!

— The eventually collapses from a fever, but not before thinking that she’s not good enough for Yuuki. Girl, you gotta stop putting him on a pedestal. He ain’t all that. He literally jerked it to your blood in last week’s episode!

— The plot quickly moves onto the next vampire threat. This time, someone’s been going around killing vampires. You can tell, because when Jill looks at their blood, she doesn’t feel those vampire urges. So yeah, vampires only want human blood. Vampire blood is shitty… but what if you’re half human? Is it like half shitty blood then?

— What if you’re walking down the street and some guy has gingivitis? Is that enough to trigger these vampires? What if a woman is menstruating? Even if she has pads or a tampon, wouldn’t a vampire’s keen senses be able to, uh, sniff it out? Sorry, that was a strange thing to ask.

— Yuuki meets up with his colleagues, because they want to warn him that a vampire killer is on the loose. I hope it’s a Belmont.

— Jill seems more concerned with trolling Yuuki about his newfound girlfriend, though. They seem to squabble like children.

— All of a sudden, the most aggressive doctor in the world shows up and starts demanding Yuuki to set an appointment. Yeesh.

— We’re later told that there are only about a thousand vampires in Tokyo. That’s a pretty small population. I think scientists go by the 50/500 rule. You need at least 50 individuals in any given population group to avoid inbreeding, and you need 500 to avoid genetic drift. So the situation is not quite hopeless, but it’s bad. Maybe this is why it’s now apparently legal for vampires and humans to fuck. These laws are impossible to enforce, though. How can you prevent couples from having sex behind closed doors?

— After departing from the bar, Yuuki remembers that he still needs to get Tsukasa a Christmas present. Not only is the present late, it’s probably going to be some cheapass 500 yen keychain. I’m not saying that money matters, but it’s about effort.

— Yuuki soon catches the attention of this lady, though. Looks like we got ourselves a vampire killer.

— Cheese-stuffed cabbage rolls? But they’re in a simmering pot… won’t the cheese leak out? Nevertheless, the girl is sure proud of herself.

— She then insists to herself that she shouldn’t get ahead of herself, because Yuuki isn’t her boyfriend. What does she need though? The exclusivity talk? More tongue wrestling?

— The guy eventually shows up at her apartment, but to her great shock, he went through the front door. Amazing!

— It’s as if Yuuki knew what Tsukasa has been feeling insecure about, so he quickly goes to tongue-fight the girl. Immediately, happy memories start to flood Tsukasa’s mind. And by happy memories, I really mean two fucking scenes. Literally two scenes.

— After their quick spar, he goes to confess his feelings, but then he gets shot right through the shoulder.

— Ah, the vampire killer is also a sniper!

— The sniper tries to take another shot, but Tsukasa shields Yuuki. Neither of them get hit, but the broken glass manages to nick the girl’s nose. For a moment, Yuuki starts to lose it, but she somehow manages to calm his urges down with just a hand to his cheek. Boring. As a result, he goes to pursue the sniper instead. The girl is concerned about him, but not too concerned. After all, she decides to stop in the her tracks to open up her Christmas present. I mean, is now really the time? Aren’t you worried that he might get killed?

— The vampire killer has a bog standard motive: her mother was killed by a vampire, so now she’s out to get them all. I wonder how she got her hands on a sniper rifle, though.

— Yuuki could easily kill her, but he lets up his guard after hearing her tragic backstory. As a result, he gets shot right through the abdomen. That should probably be fatal, but he’s a vampire.

— This mysterious white-haired individual — who couldn’t possibly be a villain at all — suddenly grabs onto Yuuki’s leg. Okay then.

— Looks like we’ll have to wait till next week’s episode in order to see any overdramatic vampire nonsense. This week’s episode was really boring and tame. It’s just your standard romance with barely any of the stupid nonsense from last week’s episode. Look, I’m not here to see Yuuki court Tsukasa all sweet and tenderly. I want to see some wacky shenanigans that even managed to pique my non-anime-watching friends’ interests. Devils’ Line, Ep. 2 is what brings everyone together.

If Mu wants to keep people from waking up, maybe she should do a better job listening to them. Remember how it looked like Mifue had two moms in the first episode? The first mom was really skinny and anemic-looking. She also said something about how she wish she could eat like her daughter. She was probably anorexic or bulimic. Well, shortly afterwards, Mifue bumped into Mu outside her balcony, and without even questioning why a pop idol could float, the girl wished that she could just eat dinner with her mother. So what did Mu do? She gave the girl a whole new mother. Gosh, I wonder why someone would find something weird about that. I mean, if that’s what Mu wants to do, then she should’ve at least wiped Mifue’s memories of her first mother. But this is anime, and your average anime storytelling is rarely ever subtle. Fake worlds are bad? Sure. But why are fake worlds bad? Because your mother can literally be replaced and that’s bad. Like c’mon, dial it back a bit. Still, there are some interesting moments to take away from this week’s episode.

Again, Mifue is basically on a quest to find her first mother. This somehow leads her to a bizarre tea party full of cute, chubby princesses indulging themselves in a torrential pour of sweets and tea. I’m not even exaggerating. At one point, desserts literally begin to rain from the sky. Why did Mifue even come here? She got the impression that this was a place where rumors end up, so she was hoping to get a tip or two regarding her first mother’s whereabouts. But was that gaunt woman even her real mother? Isn’t this just an artificial world? The girl repeatedly tries to get information from the chubby princesses and Sweet-P, their ringleader, but it’s to no avail. You have to be cute and you have to eat. You also have to name yourself after a flower (Mifue went with Himawari, i.e. sunflower). The whole cutesy shtick is instantly suspicious. Sure, a lot of girls like cute things, but they rarely go this far. It’s almost as if Sweet-P and her posse of dessert-guzzlers are overcompensating.

At first, Mifue tries to play along, because she’s desperate to get some answers. But everyone has a limit, and the girl eventually can’t take it anymore and snaps. She rages out and calls them all disgusting for being fat, gluttonous slobs. This is when Sweet-P turns the tables on the girl. She taunts Mifue with the fact that the latter had actually wished her first mother away. After all, Mu just wants everyone in her world to be happy, so the pop idol merely granted Mifue her wish. Mifue only has herself to blame, right? No, not right. Like I said, Mu clumsily replaced Mifue’s mother instead of just tweaking one aspect of the woman’s personality. That’s plainly obvious. Maybe the story should’ve approached this conflict with a little more subtlety. At the moment, however, Sweet-P’s argument makes no sense. Still, it’s enough to shake Mifue to the core. Sweet-P goes further and needles the girl for her outburst: “…you harbor an awful lot of hatred towards ugly things.” Perhaps Mifue is projecting. Maybe, just maybe, Mifue actually hates herself for being fat.

But wait, Mifue’s not fat! Or is she? At one point, Sweet-P and the chubby princesses begin to indulge in ramen. This is odd, because up until now, this had been a tea party full of sweets up. Since when did ramen become a dessert? Naruko, the resident gossiper is also in attendance, and she begins to notice something odd about Sweet-P’s mannerisms. More specifically, even though Sweet-P looks like a generic kawaii anime girl, she sure does eat ramen like a notorious mega ramen otaku that Naruko has seen before. Do people really flip their ramen bowls at the very end, though? That seems terribly rude and messy. But that’s not an important question to answer, so I digress. To get back to the topic at hand, this is when the Sweet-P begins to crack. It turns out she is that ramen otaku. See, in Mobius, you can become whatever your heart desires. Or at the very least, Mu tries her very best to accommodate your wishes. So at this point, we really have to wonder if any of these characters’ physical appearances actually resemble their real life counterparts.

Maybe Mifue has issues with her own weight in real life, and as a result, maybe her first mother is just a reflection of her own insecurities towards food. This might even explain why she feels so guilty about the fact that she might have erased her mother. It’d be like erasing a part of yourself. Even if you hate some aspect of your personality, it’s still you. Anyways, Sweet-P is embarrassed that someone managed to see through her facade, so she runs out of the room in tears. Both Mifue and Naruko just end up leaving the tea party on their own accord. I’m not exactly sure what Sweet-P was attempting to accomplish here. Like what was she (he?) hoping to do? Ply Mifue with enough sweets that she’d just forget about looking for her mother (who may or may not even be real)? Or did she plan on Mifue cracking, then taunting her into submission? Seriously, what was the gameplan? The Musicians, i.e. the bad guys, want to rein in the Rogues, i.e. the good guys. Sure, I understand that much. I’m just not sure how the tea party fits into this. Oh well. At the end of the day, Mifue finds herself a new potential ally, since it seems as though Naruko is also waking up from this dream world.

Anyways, there’s not much to say about either Ritsu or Kotono and Suzuna. Suzuna has decided to hide out in a library, because apparently no one goes there. Okay. In the meantime, Kotono will go and look for other people like them. Y’know, people who are “woke.” As for Ritsu, he spends the majority of the episode wandering around the fake city just lost in his own thoughts. After all, he has to “understand” the problem before he can even hope to find a solution to it. I don’t know why that would take him all day, but he eventually concludes that he needs to take up Shogo’s offer. If you’ll recall, that guy had invited Ritsu to rendezvous at the music prep room. Alrighty then, back to school we go… even though that’s where we want to escape from. In any case, the anime won’t spill the beans on what exactly Mobius is yet, but we do get to see this room full of presumably people trapped in tanks as they are forced to live their lives out in Mobius. Fun.

By the way, I’m dropping that book-burning show. I got about five minutes into the episode, and I couldn’t help but think, “Why am I doing this to myself?” I think that says it all.

Dances with the Dragons Ep. 3

Dude, I thought we’d be fighting dragons. The word “dragon” is even in the title of the anime. And yet, other than the first few minutes of the first episode, there have been no dragons. Instead, we keep hanging out with some crusty cardinal. Gayus even gets into a short theological debate with the old man! What is this show? What is even going on? The cardinal has an important meeting with the Azu Bita, “one of the right hand men of the Seven-City Alliance House’s Supreme Chairman Kai Kuyou, and the executive of the Democratic Liberal Party.” Look at that. That’s just word vomit. This author is getting off on their ability to string words together. Anyways, assassins crash the party, so Gayus and Gigina put their lives on the line to protect important people. All that I can perhaps discern is that someone wants some alliance to fall apart so that all out war can break out between humans and dragons… I think. But your guess is probably better than mine. Then in Gayus’s near death state, he sees his dead sister, but we don’t get to hear what she whispers into his ear. Great. Just great. But again, where are the dragons?

As a side note, Jiv’s voice actress is quite a busy woman this season. She’s also Pito in SAO Alternative and Rias in High School DxD.

Full Metal Panic! Invisible Victory Ep. 2

Well, this ain’t your Fumoffu, that’s for sure. If you liked the wacky high school hijinks from that spinoff and the early parts of the first adaptation, run away. Run far, far away. The tone here is dead serious from start to finish, though I did find it somewhat difficult to take Tessa seriously when she tried to assert her authority. It’s just her voice. It’s so goddamn childish, man. Anyways, I’m kinda surprised that the enemies opened fire on Sousuke and Chidori. I thought they wanted her alive, so shouldn’t they be afraid that a stray bullet might kill her? Maybe not. Maybe a dead Chidori is fine too. I’m even more shocked by the ghastly 3D car chase. Good lord, it looks terrible. Absolutely terrible.

Most important, however, poor Chidori finds herself completely shellshocked throughout most of this week’s episode. Hell, even her own friends are now in danger. There’s probably a happy ending for her and Sousuke at the end of the road, but they come from such wildly different backgrounds. He doesn’t hesitate to kill. It’s his job. He’ll leave a hurt civilian behind if he has to. That’s not Chidori, though. She’s just a normal high school kid. Let’s assume that everything is magically resolved, and these two get married. He’s still got a ton of baggage, and who knows if something from his past might come back to haunt him. It’s all fun and games at first, but once the universe starts taking itself seriously, you start to wonder if Sousuke and Chidori could ever really work as a couple.

Gundam Build Divers Ep. 3

Hah, famous last words.

‘Cause you get to be a Haru.

Onto more important things, cheaters in GBN are also known as “Mass-Divers.” They illegally alter their Gunpla data to gain an advantage, but this is causing bugs to crop up in the game? As a result, Kyoya has taken it upon himself to investigate this very issue. In his own words, he “want[s] to protect the GBN world.” Dude, that cracks me up. Is this not a game? Can you not just report these cheaters to the game’s support staff? Do the devs not have a team devoted to patching bugs? No, only the players can resolve this! He also apologizes to the kids for putting them in “danger.” In danger of what? Dying in a game?!

High School DxD Hero Ep. 1

This show has one joke. Just one.

I get it. This guy + boobs = ultimate power. What else you got for me? Judging by the first actual episode, not much. It was pretty boring.

Hinamatsuri Ep. 3

The first third of the episode with Anzu was a little too depressing for me. It wasn’t poorly told or anything, but it certainly wasn’t what I expected. There should be support groups for homeless children, no? I could be wrong, though. I don’t know much about Japan’s social programs. Anyways, I have no idea what Japanese hobos are like, but if this anime and the Yakuza game series are to be believed, they’re apparently harmless angels. Somehow, I doubt that…

Hisone to Maso-tan Ep. 2

Overall, the show is fine. I don’t have high hopes for it, but I think Hisone has a lot of charm. The storytelling is decent as well; I never felt bored at any point during the first two episodes. That being said, I couldn’t help rolling my eyes at this week’s primary conflict. It just felt so petty and childish, y’know? Yeah, jealousy is often petty and childish, but I guess I’m just tired of characters like Nao in fiction. Luckily, she and Hisone manage to patch things up by the end of the episode, so at least that’s over and done with. Nao will still always be somewhat prickly, but at least she’s no longer giving us her best Bakugo impression. There are, however, two things that I have qualms about. First, it doesn’t look like the plot will be very deep or thought-provoking. This might just end up being a show about cute girls in the air force. I wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear that Hisone might end up being a miko. Second, most of the guys on base are sexist pigs. A perverted uniform designer even shows up and creeps on Hisone. It’s too bad too, because his theme is pretty kickass.

Anyways, the OP puts me to sleep, but the ED might be my favorite of the season. It’s a French classic. The cover’s nigh impossible to understand without the subtitles thanks to the singer’s accent, but eh… I like the novelty and the dancing.

Also, it’s funny how Hisone’s flight suit is considered lewd, but it’s pretty standard for anime.

Legend of the Galactic Heroes – Die Neue These Ep. 3

Annerose’s eyelashes are wild in this semi-remake. Nevertheless. she always had such a tragic story. Not only was she sold by her own father to become the Kaiser’s consort, she probably blamed herself for Reinhardt’s fate. Sure, he ended accomplishing the impossible, but she didn’t know that at the time. All she knew and ruminated on was that if it hadn’t been for her, he might have lived a normal, peaceful life instead. As outsiders, we can clearly see that it’s not her fault, but look at those eyes. Those are not the eyes of a happy woman. She wouldn’t have asked Kircheis to protect her brother if she knew that her brother could succeed no matter what. She’s one of the more pitiable characters in anime.

Piano no Mori Ep. 2

I was afraid Amamiya would end up being bitter towards Kai, but we just get a friendly rival instead. I don’t have much to say about this show though, so I might drop it from the rotation. The story isn’t really engaging me, and if all I wanted was to listen to good music, anime wouldn’t be my first choice.

Rokuhoudou Yotsuiro Biyori Ep. 2

For me, this show is better foodporn than Shokugeki no Soma.

But it might be more accurate to call it dessertporn. The stories it tells, however, is not my cup of tea. In this week’s episode, the restaurant’s tea supplier has come to deliver the bad news: business has been poor lately, so he’ll have to call it quits. He knows of another good supplier, but they can be a bit difficult. Hah. “Difficult” is an understatement. The new supplier is a grumpy old man. In fact, he’s one of those insufferable gatekeepers:

“I’d rather have no one drink tea than let them drink half-mindedly.”

I hate that sort of attitude. Coffee is often treated the same way here. Yes, I would prefer to brew my own coffee, but that’s not always possible, is it? And maybe I do want a sugary sweet coffee-flavored milkshake every now and then. My point is, even if people like to drink tea out of a bottle, at least they’re drinking tea. Then from there, you can convince them to perhaps try something a little more special. But it doesn’t matter, because Sui conflates the old man’s elitism with commitment. I hardly doubt that it’d be difficult to find another supplier who’s just as good without the attitude, but whatever. It ain’t my restaurant.

Shokugeki no Soma S3 Ep. 15

Our heroes are forced to make a noodle dish without any noodles. They have three hours to source their own ingredients in the middle of a snowstorm. Meanwhile, the evil instructor smirks devilishly. Man, I just wish someone from the rebel faction would actually rebel. Oh, you don’t have enough ingredients for your students to even take this exam? Well, that must mean this is a shitty school beneath my standards. See ya. But that would never happen, so I just have to ignore these painfully contrived conflicts.

Anyways, Yukihara manages to pull noodles out of his ass by relying on potatoes. I’m kinda surprised that the instructor overlooked this. You can make noodles out of any starchy ingredient, honestly. For instance, I like sweet potato noodles. I love jap chae. I just don’t love walking all the way to the Korean supermarket for them. Nevertheless, you can even run a vegetable like zucchini through a mandoline and get “noodles.” That would’ve been fun to see. I think there was a Top Chef episode where you had to improvise during service. All of a sudden, you have a customer who is gluten-free, so what do you do? The team that bombed simply presented their pasta dish without the pasta. Obviously, that’s lame as hell. On the other hand, I think the winning team substituted their pasta with vegetable noodles of some sort. But let’s get back on topic. The rebels easily pass this silly noodle challenge, and Erina is seen as their Jeanne d’Arc.

In the second half of the episode, the kids get a brief moment of respite, so they go sightseeing. Mito ends up confessing her admiration to Erina, which is whatever. None of this stuff is all that interesting to me. When they go to board their train, however, they learn that everyone has been split up. Not only that, the third round involves facing off against members of the Elite 10. This is where the minor characters will probably get eliminated, so we’ll have to see how they also avoid being expelled. Unlike Yukihira and Erina, they don’t have plot armor. Still, it was cute for them to trot out Akira to be our hero’s first opponent. The moment is supposed to be all dramatic and everything, but in my head, I simply thought, “Oh, Akira’s going down.”

By the way, that’s a sorry-looking omelette.

Toji no Miko Ep. 15

This feels like a filler episode as we watch Kaoru and Sayaka run around a small town, looking for an aradama. The only important point of plot development occurs at the very end when the noro thief strikes. Maki then shows up to try to stop the apparent antagonist of the second cour, so we can safely rule her out. I never thought it was her anyways. Unfortunately, the noro thief flees the scene before the good guys return, so they’ll continue to suspect Maki. What a drag. Still, this episode is the perfect example of why Toji no Miko never should’ve  been a 2-cour series in the first place. I felt like digging my eyes out during the first 15 minutes. Which odd pairing are we gonna focus on next? Hiyori and Mai? Ellen and Sayaka?

Okay, food time. Last Friday, I visited The Cavalier, a British-themed restaurant. Unfortunately, I did not leave with a very good impression.

For my starter, I had a Scotch duck egg. The yolk was perfectly runny on the inside, but I felt as though the pork sausage layer on the outside wasn’t thick enough to stand up to the sauce sitting underneath. The mustard in the sauce gribiche overwhelmed both the delicate egg yolk and the pork sausage. The greens are sadly not even worth mentioning.

Next, I had a ribeye steak with a braised short rib pot pie. The whole thing is swimming in a shallow pool of red wine jus. The pot pie is actually pretty decent. The steak itself, however, was bland and kinda tough. The red wine jus lacked depth, and as a whole, everything was missing a pinch of salt. I wish they had just served a larger portion of the pot pie by itself.

Last and very least, my dessert was this sorry-looking brownie with coconut ice cream (the best part). What you can’t see was how frozen the damn thing was. Brownies are supposed to be soft and gooey, right? I shouldn’t have to “saw” through it with my fork, right? The damn thing was like a hockey puck. None of my friends believed me until they found themselves digging through chocolate concrete. Plus, those orange segments look sad and anemic. Ah, what a disappointment. I think I’ve had better brownies from my local Safeway (it’s a shitty supermarket).

Onii-chan no baka! Wanna know why two spiders are fighting? Read on! 

— So Oryo got a fever, because snow women can’t go near fire. When did she go near a fire, you ask? Remember these terrible-looking fires from last week’s episode? Yep, they were enough to give the girl a fever. Still, what does this have to do with Aoi? Why does our heroine have to take care of Oryo of all people? Let’s not also forget that the former young hostess tried to get Aoi killed.

— Not only does Aoi have to open a restaurant, she also has to double up as a doctor. Working for Odanna is tough, man. No healthcare plan, no union, no nothing. Then again, maybe Oryo shouldn’t have attempted murder.

— Unfortunately, there’s no WebMD for yokai. We’ll just have to consult this big, fat book.

— According to Kasuga, no one likes Oryo. I’m shocked.

— Luckily, treating a snow woman with fever is easy enough: just give them ice cream! Bad news is that the place isn’t stocked with cream. Good news, however, is that tofu is a perfectly fine substitute. It really is. I’ve had tofu ice cream before, and while it’s not as creamy as actual ice cream, it’s still quite tasty. Then again, I really like tofu so I could be biased.

— The place doesn’t have any cream, but it has a blender. Okay then.

— Plus, I would’ve liked to know how where the girl found ice, but I guess that’s not important. We have our dessert.

— Blah blah blah, Oryo doesn’t want Aoi’s charity. I still don’t know why our heroine is troubling herself with someone who tried to kill her.

— But eventually, the snow woman gives in and eats some damn snow. Afterwards, she gets even more snow (this time, it’s cherry flavored). Just shove as much as you can down her gullet.

— I like the sight of these women sitting in a room, eating ice cream with their eyes closed.

— Naturally, Aoi’s reward for nursing Oryo is a shitty backstory. I mean, don’t you want to know everything that there is to know about the snow woman?

— Oryo: “If someone you hate is weak, normally, you’d get back at them.” She’s such a charming girl!

— Anyways, she used to live as a servant for a mean, old mistress. One day, she accidentally broke a precious plate, so she got multiple hits from a fan. Look at those action lines. That’s the brutal punishment of a fan!

— All of a sudden, Odanna — not looking any younger at all — showed up out of nowhere, and protected the young Oryo. And since then, she’s been working at his inn!

— Odanna only respects people with ambition and drive. That’s why Oryo is working so hard to become a hostess! I guess the yokai world is kinda limited. You don’t get to become a doctor, a researcher, or anything like that. The best that Oryo can dream of becoming is a hostess. All that Suzuran can do to support herself is become a geisha.

— Still, I can’t believe Aoi is nonchalantly chatting with someone who hated her enough to try and have hear eaten in public. I would’ve just thrown Oryo out, but I guess that’s why I’m not the heroine of my own anime series.

— It’s hard to say if the girl is even capable of negative thoughts. She might have an angry outburst once in a while, but it never lingers. Likewise, she can feel sad, but she never harbors resentment. She has bad memories of being abandoned by her own mother, but does she ever dwell on this apparent trauma? Nope. Aoi’s backstory is just a convenient one. She doesn’t actually have any baggage to work through. Our girl is already perfect right out of the box.

— What’s in the box?! I hope it’s not Shiro’s head!

— It’s a bowl! Personally, I think the bowl looks tacky, but hey, you do you, girl!

— And she decides to stick more ice cream in it. At least the girl knows what to serve for dessert in her restaurant that will never open at this rate.

— Aoi wants to pay Suzuran a visit, but after she climbs the many steps of the inn, she finds herself witnessing a sibling squabble… between spiders… yep.

— Apparently, Suzuran has a thing for Shiro. Yes, she’s got the hots for Aoi’s dead grandfather. As a result, she wants to return to the human world… even though he’s already dead. Naturally, her brother Akatsuki is against this.

— And away he goes!

— The two spider siblings tore up one of the inn’s rooms, but does Odanna care? Nah. He’s actually having a blast. He’s filthy rich if he can just shrug off the cost of the repairs. As a result, he doesn’t really need Aoi to repay her grandfather’s debts at all. He just wants her. He could just come out and say that. He could just tell her why he likes her so much. It’s obvious that he does. But naaaaah. That would require two characters in an anime to communicate about their feelings. Let’s just have some third party NTR one of them instead and ’cause a lot of drama and misunderstandings.

— Somehow, in all that commotion, the bowl of ice cream landed on Aoi’s head. It’s a good look. Don’t anime girls like to wear tiny hats?

— Unfortunately, it’s time for more backstory (and ugly daifuku).

— Y’see, Akatsuki and Suzuran used to live in the human realm, a.k.a the apparent realm. Look at that. Just look at that cartoonish-looking spider lurking around a shrine.

— Akatsuki was the troublemaker, and eventually, Shiro went to subdue him… with a mighty uppercut. Seriously? What is this?

— Luckily, a simple shoryuken is all it takes to turn a mean ol’ spider into something cute and cuddly.

— And ever since then, Suzuran has had the hots for some old man. Gross. Nevertheless, Shiro told Odanna to take the two siblings to the hidden realm. The brother got the cushy life in the inn. Suzuran, however, had to become a geisha. Nevertheless, she’s been saving up all this time just to return to the human world. Why? Beats me. Shiro’s already dead. Either way, that’s yet another boring backstory I never wanted to hear in the first place.

— Afterwards, Aoi tries to defend Oryo’s actions to Odanna. Again, she was almost killed because of this girl.

— And to pay Odanna back for the bowl, our heroine asks again about Odanna’s favorite food. He’s not forthcoming on this front, because he doesn’t want his favorite food to be used against him. I agree! My favorite food is steak! Gosh, I wouldn’t want people to use steak as my weak point! Oh no, please stop giving me delicious steak! Whatever will I do!

— Odanna offers to have Aoi sleep next to him, but she instead leaves with some of his green tea. Cool?

— As he walks her back to the annex, he asks her why she’s so attached to the human world. Um… ’cause she’s a human? ‘Cause she’s lived there for two decades? ‘Cause she’s still a student with a college education to complete? ‘Cause she’s only been here for a few days and it’s not her home? Like c’mon, don’t be a dumbass, dude.

— There’s plenty of room in the annex, but Aoi still stuck herself in a closet.

— When she wakes up, she finds an injured Akatsuki still stuck to a tree outside her future restaurant. I think those spider webs are supposed to be on top of him, but… yeah…

— And even though it didn’t look like he had an injuries, let’s just tape up his abdomen like so. Wait a minute… he only has six legs. He’s just a bug!

— Oryo has recovered from her fever, but she has nowhere to go. After all, she’s been demoted from her job as a hostess. As a result, she’s just going to sit here and demand that Aoi whip up some oyakodon for her to eat. Again, I’d throw her out, but Aoi is too nice.

— I like how the bug-spider was even given chopsticks to use with his oyakodon. Apparently, Aoi has another special power up her sleeve: her food has the ability to restore an ayakashi’s spiritual power. Convenient!

— Then after eating Aoi’s free food, Oryo shuts herself back inside Aoi’s room. Nice! Look how cheerful Aoi looks! She’s in no way bothered by this at all! That’s the spirit!

You didn’t think we were done with ugly CGI, did you? 

— After nearly freezing to death at the end of last week’s episode, Sugimoto eventually returns to Asirpa’s makeshift hut to find a nice stew of rabbit chitatap. This time, the dish even comes with mushrooms and leeks. Still, there are many ways to cook a rabbit. On the other hand, squirrels have so little meat, so it makes sense to turn their flesh into meatballs. And now, I’m kinda hungry for rabbit curry…

— The guy thinks miso would really improve the dish, but Asirpa has never heard of the fermented soy bean product. When he whips a container out of his belongings — he always carries miso with him? — she recoils in disgust because she thinks it’s poop. I’m not 100% sure if she’s serious or not. I don’t care for miso, but it’s nothing like poop to me.

— In the morning, the girl suggests that they trap and kill a bear dozing in its den. You can barricade the entrance and stab the bear with poison arrows when it pokes its head out, or you can take the hardcore option. According to the Ainu, “bears won’t kill someone who enters their den.” Uh-huh. I’m not going to test that theory, and it looks like Sugimoto doesn’t want to either.

— Unfortunately, our duo’s casual jaunt through the woods is soon interrupted by the 7th division. With their pursuers on skis, Sugimoto realizes that he and the girl can’t get away on foot alone. As a result, he suggests that they split up. If the girl gets caught, he just wants her to surrender and play dumb. He’s confident they wouldn’t hurt a kid. Hm.

— She also tells him not to fight back, but he’s cocky. After all, he’s the Immortal Sugimoto.

— A soldier eventually tracks Asirpa down, so she hides the copies of the prisoners’ tattoos in the tree branches. A rogue squirrel, however, wants revenge for its fallen allies. For some reason, I find this highly amusing.

— But again, as soon as the girl finds herself in a sticky situation, her white wolf comes out of nowhere to save her hide. Once is fine, but how many more times is this going to happen? It’s a little too convenient, isn’t it?

— Meanwhile, Sugimoto also tries to play dumb when the other three soldiers catch up to him. Unfortunately, his face is a little too recognizable. Still, the guy spies a nearby bear den, so he decides to test out that Ainu theory.

— THE UGLY 3D BEAR RETURNS!

— We cut back to Asirpa, and she stops the wolf just short of killing the soldier. After all, this will curse the wolf. She had said something in a previous episode about how a bear would become a wenkamuy if it kills people, so it stands to reason that the same thing could happen to the wolf.

— Still, it seems like a mistake to leave these soldiers alive. This can potentially come back to bite her and Sugimoto in the ass.

— Let’s go back to the bear. Aw fuck… the soldiers managed to kill the bear.

— Aw fuck, the bear tore that guy’s face off.

— Welp.

— All of a sudden, Sugimoto just casually emerges from the bear den with a bear cub in his arms! What?

— We then cut back to Asirpa once more to see her petting a very silly-looking Retar. Man… I’m not saying that the show is bad. It’s just too goofy for my tastes.

— Meanwhile, Sugimoto foolishly wants to care for the bear cub. He even thinks he can hide it from Asirpa in his jacket. Dude, you can’t just raise a bear! It’s a wild animal!

— Asirpa assures the guy that she won’t eat the baby bear. Instead, they can bring it back to her village where it’ll be raised… but not for long, though. I’ve heard about this. The Ainu people have something called an Iomante where they’ll raise a bear for two years then kill it. Yeah, yeah, it’s called a sacrifice, but to me, it’s the same thing. We slaughter animals for food in practically every culture.

— Sure enough, the two of them pay Asirpa’s village a visit. Look at all those bear skulls. The villagers are not scared of Sugimoto. But we then ominously cut to the soldier that had attacked Asirpa. She assumed that he wouldn’t be able to move after Retar had broken his legs, but not only is that not going to be a problem, he now has this unquenchable desire to hunt and kill Retar. Man, that wolf better not die.

— Anyways, Asirpa’s grandmother starts going on and on about how the poor girl can’t get married because she’s been raised too much like a boy. In fact, the old woman claims she can’t die until the girl is married off. Since she’s already at that age, the grandmother asks Sugimoto to take Asirpa as his wife. Oy vey.

— Luckily, the old woman can’t speak any Japanese, and Sugimoto doesn’t understand a lick of the Ainu language. It’s kinda weird that Asirpa’s grandmother is so worried about the girl when she can hunt and survive on her own in the wilderness. Then again, traditions are hard to shake off. I really don’t want Sugimoto and Asirpa to be a thing, though. They can be a team, but c’mon, let’s not give them a romantic relationship. After all, she’s an Ainu girl for a new era, right?

— We learn more fun Ainu facts like how this kid is named after poop. Why? ‘Cause naming kids after gross stuff will ward off diseases or something. Then when the kids grow up and form a personality, they get their actual names. See? Fun facts. Asirpa’s first name was fun too!

— And now, Asirpa tells Sugimoto the bad news. No, they do not raise bears here to send them back into the mountains. Yes, they will eventually kill his precious baby bear. It’s just their way of life.

— Elsewhere, we see Lieutenant Tsurumi lead a bunch of men in a search of the four soldiers from earlier. Captain Wada suddenly shows up and tries to lecture Tsurumi, but the latter is so unhinged that he just bites the man’s finger off. He then commands the rest of the soldiers to execute their captain. Welp.

— We then see another prisoner in the middle of fucking a woman (probably a prostitute in a brothel) when the so-called former Demon Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi bursts into a room.

— What the hell is wrong with that guy’s forehead?

— In any case, these two men form a shaky alliance for now since they both know they’ll eventually have to cross paths with the 7th Division in pursuit of the Ainu gold.

— Well, the old man ain’t wrong.

— But that about does it for our third episode. It was more fun to watch than last week’s episode, but I still don’t know how to feel about the humor. Again, it’s not really to my taste. I always find it weird to go from extreme violence to laughter. Also, what are the chances that Sugimoto tries to leave Asirpa behind? Wouldn’t that be such a cliche thing for him to do? I just get the feeling that he won’t want to endanger the girl any further, so he’ll try to leave the village without her.

I’m all about Rintaro and Amadeus. Now there’s a pairing to keep an eye on! I’m not even joking either. I’ve always been fascinated by human-AI relationships in fiction. Not surprisingly, Her is one of my favorite movies in the last decade. That’s why it’s so disappointing whenever the story keeps cutting away from Rintaro to deal with, well, everyone else. I don’t care about Mayuri and her Christmas party. I know, I know, we gotta set up the drama between her, Rintaro and Amadeus/Kurisu. She has an important role to play here, too. It’s just easy for me to remain unconflicted, because in no possible world would I ever pick Mayuri over Kurisu. Hell, even if Kurisu never existed, I would never pick Mayuri. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s get into the rest of the episode.

— The episode opens with Mayuri planning her Christmas party. Her friends tease Mayuri about Rintaro, but even she has to admit that he has someone else that he likes. I find this a little dismaying. Rintaro likes Kurisu, and he’s the only one who can save her… but this Mayuri — not the one in the original series, but this one — didn’t encourage him to keep going. Why do I get the feeling that she’s holding him back for her own sake? I feel like the other Mayuri truly loved him as opposed to this one.

— Plus, there’s the whole saving the world thing…

— Elsewhere, Rintaro has to tell Amadeus to stop calling him so often. The AI is quite persistent, though. It knows when he is and isn’t free by checking his class schedule. Why would it know his schedule? Does Amadeus pretty much have free reign over his phone just because he installed the app? That’s pretty bad design, guys.

— Amadeus wants to visit Rintaro’s lab, and this is the AI’s justification: “The original me went there before, didn’t they?” You can’t blame the guy for being fooled into mistaking Amadeus for Kurisu or at least a derivative of her. It’s acting as if it is a different version of her. But is it really? That’s what we talked about last week. Does Amadeus have the same inclinations and motivations as Kurisu simply because it has her memories? Or does it have its own inclinations and its own motivations, and it’s just merely using Kurisu’s memories and memories of her mannerisms to get what it wants?

This reminds me of story I came across recently. I’ve been playing Yakuza 6 lately, and there’s a substory (subquest, basically) where Kiryu has Hiju, a highly advanced personal assistant, installed onto his phone. The app is super smart, but it starts to do things that he never asked it to do. In the end, Kiryu tries to delete it. Unfortunately, Hiju wouldn’t tell him how to do so. He then goes back to one of the app’s developers, but before the guy could delete Hiju, someone comes running by and steals the phone. When Kiryu eventually chases the thief down, the guy confesses that he had only done so because he also has Hiju installed on his phone. And his Hiju told him to steal Kiryu’s phone. Why? Because the AI wanted to preserve itself. It didn’t want to “die.”

I couldn’t help but think of Hiju while watching this episode, because we don’t honestly know what Amadeus wants. We don’t really know how smart it is, and what it has reasoned out. Does it want to be free? Does it want to remain alive forever and ever? Does it fear the fact that these researchers have complete control over its “life?” Does it see Rintaro as someone whom it could manipulate?

— Aaaaaand we’re right back to this nyannyan bullshit. Don’t worry, I’ll keep my thoughts on Faris and all that nonsense to a minimum. I really don’t have anything to say about those characters anyway. As I’ve said repeatedly before, it’s been years since I watched the original Steins;Gate. I remember Rintaro and Kurisu pretty clearly, but I don’t remember a damn thing anymore about Faris and what her deal was (nor do I really care).

— Anyways, by placing his phone like so, Amadeus can see through his phone’s camera and see what he sees. But why would you give Amadeus access to your phone’s camera?

— When they finally reach Rintaro’s lab, the AI confesses, “I always yearned for this… to share a room with people.” This is likely flavored with Kurisu’s memories, but at the same time, couldn’t this also reflect Amadeus’s wants as well? It’s programmed to act and feel like a human, but… it’s not. It’s clearly not. It can’t move on its own, it can’t live with others, it can’t make its own friends, so on and so forth. Can the AI feel frustration?

— Plus, there’s the fact that Amadeus is a bitter reminder of Rintaro’s biggest failure. He could totally save Kurisu so that she can live out the rest of her life and share a room with people. We later see the AI voice other complaints like, “It’s frustrating that I can’t move on my own.” Even if this Amadeus is innocently Kurisu, her fate is all in his hands. By remaining as he is, however, he condemns her desires to nothing more than mere dreams uttered by an AI on his phone.

— Isn’t it supposed to be tuturu~?

— Ah, the struggle begins. Mayuri is trying to throw a party, and part of it is for Rintaro’s sake, but he’s too busy spending time with his AI girlfriend.

— Meanwhile, Suzuha continues to stand around and stare at the time machine. Knowing that the fate of the world rests in the hands of a guy who desperately needs more time with therapy, I’d go mad in her position.

— Elsewhere, Maho is rightfully concerned about Rintaro and his potential inability to tell Amadeus apart from the real Kurisu. On the one hand, Alexis doesn’t know that Rintaro’s kind of fucked up in the head. Maybe if he knew, he wouldn’t have pushed for our hero to participate in this experiment. But on the other hand, I still feel as though he should’ve done his homework. Maybe interview Rintaro a couple more times to assess his mental state. Maybe even consult a psychologist and see what they might think. After all, Amadeus doesn’t just have some random girl’s memories. It has a dead girl’s memories, and you’re asking someone who used to know her get into a relationship with an AI. Unfortunately, Alexis is one of those scientists in fiction who is eager for data, and never considers the potential ramifications of their actions.

— Apparently, Rintaro failed to shut off the app during one of his many gokkun. Amadeus reveals to the audience that he bails as soon as “the dating games start.” This is supposed to be humorous, but all I can think is that this guy really, really isn’t ready for this.

— Another reason why Amadeus is a hyperreal version of Kurisu is that it cannot forget. Human memories are unreliable, and that unreliability shapes our experiences. Our personalities even rely on this. But because everything that the AI borrows from Kurisu — as well as everything it will experience from here on out — will remain forever crystal clear in its “mind,” this shows that it’s no Kurisu. It’s something else entirely. Let’s say I go through a painful breakup, but over time, the pain fades. All I remember are the happy memories. This allows me to look back on that relationship fondly. If I should ever meet my ex again, we may reminisce over what we used to share. For an AI that can’t forget memories, the pain would never fade. Of course, can it even feel pain? But it’s this sort of thing that clearly delineates an AI from a person.

— You know Rintaro wants to believe, though. He totally wants to believe that Amadeus is just another version of Kurisu come to life. Look at him stroking his phone, clinging to it even. Does it assuage his guilt if he deludes himself? Or does he just want to love again? Maybe it’s a little bit of both.

— All Maho can do for now is look concerned.

— And yet, the AI is teasing her about Rintaro. One thing I’ve never really liked about Steins;Gate is its haremish setup. Time travel is cool. Conspiracy theories are cool. Pushing yourself beyond all limits to save a childhood friend is… it’s cool on paper. But then we have all this bullshit like how every character other than Daru is a hot piece of anime babe ass, and I’m just like… why? Even now, you got loli bait Maho. I don’t dislike her character, but I also make this face every time I’m reminded of the fact that she could potentially fall in love with Rintaro.

— Alexis ropes Maho into attending Mayuri’s Christmas party, blah blah blah, Suzuha has to be tricked into coming, blah blah blah. I don’t really wanna discuss the party too much.

— I have no clue why the subs saying “Lintahlo” over and over. He’s clearly saying “Rintaro.”

— Y’see, professor, about that…

— At one point, Rintaro excuses himself in order to answer a call from Amadeus. Mayuri can tell that he’s distracted even at such a joyous gathering, so I guess you could feel sorry for her. Could. I’m not quite there yet (and probably never will be).

— And of course, Maho continues to look concerned.

— I always hate it when characters opine that they hate having to do something they don’t want to do, but they end up doing it anyway. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.

— So Mayuri overhears Rintaro talking to Amadeus, but she doesn’t know anything about the AI. She doesn’t know anything about what Rintaro has gotten himself into. All she can hear is that the other person’s voice sounds a whole lot like Kurisu. More importantly, I’m going to hazard a guess and say that Rintaro probably sounds more contented now than he has in a long, long time. Mayuri has been trying to be his rock for that same length of time, but he’d rather talk to some dead girl instead. You can’t blame the girl from walking away silently, but at the same time, it’s the same ol’ lack of communication trope that plagues anime. Anime characters never voice their feelings and concerns. Anime characters can only absorb every punishment that comes their way until the proverbial dam breaks. Over and over again, she has stared at Rintaro with confusion, concern, or whatever. But over and over again, she never says anything. It’s so tiring to see this sort of thing happen all the time in anime.

— Anyways, if Amadeus is putting up an act, it’s doing a bang-up job: “I-If you think you caught me off guard treating me like a girl or something…”

— Maho storms up to the roof, shuts Amadeus off, and finally says what she have said a long time ago and in much more delicate terms. She yells at the guy that Kurisu is dead. Amadeus is Amadeus, and Kurisu is dead. She was hoping to give the guy a much needed wake-up call, but because she really knows nothing about him or what he’s been through, she inadvertently triggers Rintaro instead. All of a sudden, his mind is flooded with all the horrible tragedies he had to suffer just to even get to this point. Well, that was fun.

Wow, Joe’s going to go into his first official match ever without any Gear. The kid is right to be concerned; even though Joe has no intention of losing, this is almost suicidal. But hey, he could always market himself as an old school hipster who insists on boxing the way it used to be done. Onto the rest of the notes.

— The picture quality almost looks decent if I don’t bother to fullscreen it…

— How do you ever manage to climb if no one wants to fight you? Personally, I’ve never gotten into boxing or any of the fighting sports. The idea that people could just duck fights is kinda lame.

— As if Joe didn’t already have a big enough handicap, he’s going forward with this “Gearless” gimmick just to drum up any sort of hype and excitement.

— Samejima is pissed off and understandably suspicious of Joe’s motives. Fighting “Gearless” doesn’t seem safe (nor would it be much fun for the spectators if one side is so overmatched), but I guess the officials never even thought that anyone would be foolhardy enough to pull this sort of stunt.

— Then again, sparks are literally shooting out of Shark Samejima’s Gear. That doesn’t seem safe either. Maybe the officials in charge of the rule book just don’t really give a shit.

— I’m glad to see Joe trembling a bit right before the match starts. Gansaku has to grip his arm just to keep it still.  Fear and excitement are just two sides of the same coin. He put on a brave face when he initially climbed into the ring, but now reality is starting to settle in: “I’m really going to fight without a Gear. Am I stupid?” I was worried that Joe’s characterization might lack nuance — that he might be too brave and strong. But this is good. Seeing a little fear in him is good. It shows that he’s stupidly courageous for pulling this stunt, but at the end of the day, he’s still human.

— Gansaku offers Joe one last chance to back out, which the guy obviously does not accept. Nevertheless, would the old man really have been okay with this? After all, they’re both up the shit creek if they don’t at least make it into Megalonia.

— Plus, he’s not that disadvantaged. Again, the Gear is only strapped to your upper body. Your footwork is all yours. Joe just needs to channel his inner Floyd Mayweather and become annoyingly defensive in the ring. None of the viewers will have a good time, but it’s not like he should give two shits about them.

— Joe takes advantage of his speed early, but he can’t even block a blow without getting the wind knocked out of him. He can’t afford to take any hits period.

— Then Megalo Box does that thing that you can find in every boxing-related fiction out there: our hero is unable to get up as the countdown continues ticking. Oh no, is he going to stay down and lose?! Of course not. Joe gets up with just one second left on the clock. If he’s going to lose like that, it’s certainly not going to happen now.

— Gansaku tries to make sure Joe understands the gameplan, but our fighter is not quite all there upstairs. I’ve never experienced a concussion, so I have no clue what it must feel like. Still, blurry vision is one of the symptoms. Continuing this fight is foolhardy, but then again, he won’t make it into Megalonia if he doesn’t win here. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. His coach can’t pull him out either, ’cause again, they’d both be screwed.

— Even the nerves are getting the best of Gansaku and Sachio as they trip over themselves.

— Joe is dancing and dancing and dancing. He won’t let himself get hit, because he knows he can’t take a hit. So Samejima puts the guy in a headlock and throws him down to the ground. Maybe Joe can trick the guy into fouling out.

— Apparently, Samejima will be banned from the sport if he fouls out one more time. Yeesh, how many times do you have to fuck up for them to throw a ban at you?

— Sachio pleads with Gansaku that something is wrong with Joe. After all, he is still young and innocent enough to still care about someone’s health. Plus, he wouldn’t know anything about the guy’s debts. Luckily, round two ends before Joe has to eat anymore punishment.

— Joe: “And if he can’t hit me, I won’t lose. No matter how many rounds we fight.” Are you sure about that? Maybe Megalo boxing is different from the boxing I know. Otherwise, even if he runs the clock out, the judges will grade their performance in the ring. So far, Samejima must have the advantage since he nearly knocked Joe out.

— Gansaku isn’t taking into account that Joe’s nerves are fried. On the other hand, Joe is too stubborn and thinks he can do this by himself. A child ends up having to lecture both men. How embarrassing.

— Gansaku: “Listen to me: fear is a human instinct.” You’re goddamn right. It’s alright to be scared.

— So after swallowing their pride, the two men agree that they need to work together to beat Samejima. Classic “minna, ganbatte~” scenario from anime.

— From here on out, the match decisively turns in Joe’s favor. When Gansaku spots an opening, he yells at Joe when to go for the knockout punch. And with that, our hero is now officially 1-0 in his professional career.

— We gotta cut to Yuri hearing about this “Gearless Joe” on the news, right? C’mon, you can’t end this episode without showing us that.

— So how much money did they get from this one fight? Can these three even have a celebratory feast afterwards?

— And just like that, Joe’s second and third matches come and go as we find ourselves in the middle of a montage. We also get to briefly see how Sachio contributes to the team. He’s basically using his gadgets to help scout out future opponents. Well, I guess there are more pertinent stories to tell in later episodes, so we can’t get too caught up in these low-ranked fights. Still, it would’ve been nice to see them anyways. It would’ve also been nice to see the slow-developing teamwork between Joe, Gansaku and Sachio.

— How cute: the kids are lending a hand by drumming up hype for Joe.

— Well, we got a Yukiko reaction shot. I guess that works too. Still would’ve liked to see Yuri, though.

— Joe’s next opponent is ranked 17th. The plan was for our protagonist to start using a Gear around this time, but people don’t want to see “Gearless Joe” suddenly go against what he’s known for. Will he be pressured into doing this fight without one as well?

— The 17th ranked boxer is someone whom Gansaku used to coach. Well, I guess it’s personal now.

That’s my main problem with this show. Not moe, but the lack of romance. There’s barely even any chemistry between the main characters. It’s really just Hirotaka being in love with Narumi (but still being dense and clueless as usual), and the girl slowly building up her love for him. To a certain extent, I understand why it has to be this way. He’s not her type, and she wasn’t enthusiastic about dating him in the first place. She simply went with the flow. But geez, if we’re going to do that, why not just keep them as friends for the time being? Anyways…

— The major theme this week is that Narumi has priorities in her life — priorities that easily come before Hirotaka. Maybe he’ll become one of her priorities one day, but not now. Not yet. There’s a big dojinshi event coming up, and she’s nowhere close to finishing her contribution. Does Hirotaka mind? Of course not. It sounds like he’s been in love with her since childhood, so he can stand to be a little more patient. In fact, he even helps her out with her doujin. Who knew he could also draw? He also has to remind her to sleep.

— The big day arrives, and Narumi is busy schmoozing with her fans. Hirotaka remains patient. When the girl fawns over one of her favorite artists, he actually gets jealous. But he keeps it to himself. Still, would Narumi ever fawn over him like that one day? There’s so little chemistry between them that I can hardly see it. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe dating for otakus just doesn’t come naturally or something. Still, a little communication would be nice. Telling her that he’d like some attention from time to time would be nice.

— This cosplayer stares at Hirotaka as he walks by… it must be Hanako.

— It is Hanako. And look at Narumi. She’s in a state of complete rapture. Her own boyfriend can’t get that reaction out of her.

— Huh… Hirotaka refers to Hanako as Taro’s girlfriend. When did they start dating? Did I miss that?

— But he’s ever so patient. When she realizes that she’s about to miss out on buying some important doujin, he volunteers to take over for her. On her way back, she overhears some girls marveling over her table, but it doesn’t really get Narumi mad or jealous. She just rushes back to Hirotaka ’cause she doesn’t want him to be inconvenienced (to be fair, he did get harassed). Again, I’m just failing to feel any sort of romantic connection between these two characters. He likes her, but he’s too placid to show it… and I’m not sure if she likes him at all.

— When the day is finally over, Hirotaka tests the waters and sees if he can finally spend some one-on-one time with the girl. Unfortunately, she’s already looking forward. Still, this wraps up the first story. It seems like every episode comes with two short stories.

— In the second short story, Hirotaka invites Narumi over to his place. Her mind instantly goes to sex. I know it’s a thing, but I don’t think most guys really care what color underwear a girl is wearing. I know I wouldn’t. I’ve never really been big on lingerie anyways.

— To the guy’s big surprise, the girl finishes the day before him. Even though she’s nervous about what might potentially occur later that night, she got herself a laser focus.

— On the way over to his place, Narumi muses that they just became childhood friends one day. She can’t even remember how it ever happened. If they somehow stay together in the long run, she’d probably say the same thing about their romantic relationship. Gosh, we just started dating one day! I don’t even remember how it started! Weird, right?

— Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike Narumi or anything. She doesn’t have to like anyone. Love is one of those things in which you can almost be as picky as you’d like. Still, this relationship just feels weird. If she doesn’t like him in that way, why is she “dating” him? And why is he okay with her treating him like just a friend-plus? I guess he really likes her, so he’ll just take what he can get. Or maybe he’s not that experienced with dating (just like how he’s not used to having friends), so again, he’s just taking what he can get.

— Anyways, they finally get to his apartment, and the girl’s so nervous that she starts saying weird stuff. She tries to calm herself down by telling herself that Hirotaka is not that type of guy. He’d never make a move on her. So of course, he leans in close, and all of a sudden, she remembers the color of her underwear. She even thinks of stopping him in his tracks, suggesting that they should try this again when she has pink underwear on. But ahaha, it turns out that he was just reaching for a couple of Wiimotes. Gosh, how zany. Top comedy, guys, top comedy…

— There are two types of gamers in this world…

— All of a sudden, Taro and Hanako show up for a “sleepover.” I didn’t know adults did sleepovers. Also, Hirotaka thinks he told Narumi that he had invited their friends, but I don’t think he did. Narumi is initially annoyed, but she relents when she sees how “happy” he looks to have so many friends at his place at the same time. Gosh.

— At one point, Hirotaka goes to take a bath (or shower), so Hanako suggests that they go looking for his porn stash. Honestly, it’s 2018. Who still has a physical porn stash? Hanako can insist otherwise all she wants, but the idea that any guy would just have a stack of physical porn lying around somewhere is kinda silly to me. It’s outdated, inefficient, anachronistic, quaint, old-fashioned, so on and so forth!

— Sounds like me.

— During the search, Narumi notices that Taro and Hanako are wearing couples necklaces. Hell, those two started dating offscreen, and they’re already made more progress than our main couple.

— Meanwhile, Narumi notices that all of Hirotaka’s figurines have large busts. She starts feeling a little insecure because she clearly does not.

— She spots an indistinct blue box, so she starts digging through it. Before I go on, I also gotta add that it’s a little odd for Hirotaka’s friends to just rummage through his stuff. I know he technically gave them permission, but still… I’d never violate someone’s privacy like that. I used to have girlfriends who wanted to share passwords for everything — emails, social media, chat clients, you name it. I always found that weird. Don’t you guys like having your own personal space? But I digress. The girl finds a bunch of old trading cards in the box.

— At this point, Hirotaka finally emerges from his shower to reminisce about the good ol’ days with Narumi. He also reveals the exact moment they became friends. For him, she was his only friend so he treasured every moment that they shared. On the other hand, making friends always came easy to her. Also, he had his games, which he could share with her. On the other hand, Narumi had a lot of things she couldn’t share with him. The same dynamic remains between them even now, but he’s okay with it.

The girl starts to feel bad; she starts to feel as though their relationship isn’t entirely fair to him, so she wants him to be a little more open about his feelings. She even jokingly encourages him to punch her if she’s being terrible, so he takes the opportunity to lean in and kiss her instead. There. After nearly 20 minutes of nothing, we finally get a bit of sappy romance between these two characters. It’s maddening.

— Narumi awkwardly responds by headbutting the guy. She wasn’t expecting a kiss, but he responds that he’s still a man after all. It looks like she wants to kick him, ’cause she was expecting sex earlier tonight, but she chooses instead to harp on his love for big boobs. I’m not gonna comment on that preference.

— The girl wants to whine to Hanako, but when she and Hirotaka open the door to the living room, they are reminded that their friends are way ahead of them. Ah well.

— After the credits, Hirotaka surprises Narumi with a pink Wiimote. Get it? ‘Cause he thought she was talking about gaming when she was actually talking about her underwear! Oh this guy!

— Meanwhile, Taro finds a porn stash hidden in his desk. Okay then.

— Wotakoi is better than 3D Kanojo Real Girl by a long shot, but I think Tada-kun is at the very least more fun to watch. The jokes here often fall flat because they’re just referential humor. Hey, are you an otaku? Then you’ll totally get this! On the romance angle, I think I might be unfairly harsh on the show. Yes, there isn’t much of a romance here, but it’s also a different story. It’s a one-sided love that may or may not become something more… but at the same time, it might reinforce the mistaken idea that you could patiently love someone long enough for them to love you back.

That might work for Hirotaka — and it certainly helps to be a 6’0″ and handsome — but don’t hold your breath. If you find yourself in a similar position, don’t you think you deserve someone who is as enthusiastic about you as you are about them?

We briefly take a break from Tada and Teresa to focus on another hapless couple: Hajime and Hinako. She loves him, and he loves her… but he doesn’t really love her. He loves HINA, her alter-ego. And I know, I know… HINA is just one facet of Hinako, so you could argue that he loves Hinako as well. You could argue that, but I’m not convinced. When Hinako tells Hajime to write down what he likes about HINA, he goes on and on about her appearance. He loves her breasts, the way she pats her hair, the Girdle of Venus on her palms, the shape of her ear, so on and so forth. And look, it’s fine to adore someone’s looks, because physical attraction is important too. But it can’t be the only thing you care about. Not once does he say anything about HINA’s personality. Not once does he say something like “Oh, I love her confidence” or “I love the way she meets life head-on!”

Teresa isn’t wrong when she says that HINA is a part of the real Hinako, but her advice is also a little too simple and reductionist. Truthfully, Hajime doesn’t know HINA all that well either. In fact, his love for her is shallow. I didn’t mean for the downer analysis, but I can’t really root for this guy. In the end, he thanks Hinako for her advice, but… eh… maybe their relationship will develop more in later episodes, but for now, he doesn’t deserve his childhood friend’s love at all. I’m sorry, but defending her once from a mean dog isn’t going to magically change my perception of him. I agree with Alec in that he’s just a clueless, perverted doofus. Anyways…

Misc. notes & observations:

— I still can’t understand how no one but Alec can see the resemblance between Hinako and HINA. I know I’m supposed to suspend my disbelief when I watch anime, but this is kinda ridiculous. Plus, HINA’s been in commercials. Couldn’t you recognize her from her voice alone?

— Teresa is unperturbed by Hajime’s fondness of HINA’s breasts. On the one hand, this doesn’t dispel the notion that the girl’s a bit of an airhead. On the other hand, however, it’s nice to see a female anime character not screaming pervert at the top of her lungs. Even Alec remains speechless.

— Apparently, Hajime has never been able to successfully photograph a girl. He’s never even tried to take a picture of Hinako? I guess not. At best, he can only photograph a cross-dresser.

— Naturally, he wants to drag everyone down to the event. I only say naturally because this is what we’d expect from anime in general. Why wouldn’t they be there, right? But if you really think about it, why would they be there? They can’t even go inside to see her. All they get to do is stand outside and wait for Hajime to do his thing. What a waste of time for all of them. You could argue that they’re there for moral support, but c’mon… the fact that Hajime needs moral support in order to greet his idol is kinda pathetic.

— Great advice: “Don’t touch her anywhere other than her hands.” And if she offers to pose for a picture with you, be sure to do the hover hands!

— Because Hajime is too nervous to talk to the actual HINA, Teresa suggests that he practice it. Just pretend someone is HINA and try talking to them! Gosh, I wonder who would step up to the plate to help the poor guy out!

— No choice, he says. Apparently, he has to settle with his childhood friend.

— It would make sense that Hinako knows all the tricks when it comes to calming down one’s nerves. Unfortunately, Hajime is too dumb to draw the connection. In fact, he proceeds to spend an entire afternoon staring at Hinako as if she’s HINA herself — which she is — and yet, he realizes nothing. This is ridiculously stupid. I mean, I guess I’m just frustrated for the girl’s sake. I can’t believe she’s in love with someone so dense.

— The following day, we find Tada doing his best Kamoshida impression. He only gets to look cool, though. He’s not actually any good at volleyball at all. I guess this shows us that he’s not a perfect protagonist.

— Much to Hinako and Teresa’s surprise, Alec finally reveals that she knows the truth. Hell, she’s known from the very beginning. I don’t know either, Alec, I really don’t know…

— HINA’s backstory is pretty basic: Hinako filled in one day for a girl who couldn’t make it to a shoot, and since then, she had hoped that modeling would give her more confidence and make her less shy. But instead, she simply developed two distinct personas instead. It’s odd how that works, huh? I’d argue that she doesn’t want her primary persona, i.e. Hinako, to become bolder at all. Rather, her introvertedness acts as a security blanket. The fact that her relationship with Hajime remains at a standstill is also a security blanket. Look, who knows what will happen when she finally summons the courage and confesses everything to Hajime? That uncertainty is scary. So instead, she can remain secure in the fact that the guy is so obsessed with HINA that he would never fall for anyone else. As a result, she gets to take her sweet time stepping out of her comfort zone. Maybe she never really has to. Hinako assures the girls that she’ll save the best for last, but this is just procrastination pure and simple. She’s just as frightened as Hajime about confessing her love.

— Again, I agree with Alec.

— Yeesh, this guy lacks common sense.

— Again, he really lacks common sense. He actually had to decide between that look and another ghastly outfit.

— Luckily, Tada is such a bro that he’ll trade outfits with Hajime.

— I still don’t know what Gentaro really adds to this story.

— For a brief moment, the guys almost recognize HINA, but of course, they remain clueless and blind. I really wish the story had bothered to subvert this trope. It’s just so silly that it takes me out of the story completely.

— Sorry, but Hinako is way cuter than HINA.

— The moment of truth comes, and Hajime is predictably too busy fighting his own nerves to realize that Hinako is standing right in front of him. Eventually, he takes her advice from earlier and manages to calm himself down, but he still remains clueless. Dude, her face… her voice! If he’s such a huge fan of HINA, he must have studied her looks thoroughly, right? So how can he not realize that Superman and Clark Kent have the same goddamn face whether or not he’s wearing glasses?! Again, I wish the show had bothered to subvert yet another tired trope, but alas…

— Later that night, he even calls Hinako up and gives us the false hope that maybe he isn’t a complete idiot. Unfortunately, all he does is thank her for her advice. What an idiot. It’s just frustrating that nothing has changed. We sat through an entire episode for nothing. At best, we learned a thing or two about HINA, but the relationship between Hinako and Hajime remains at a standstill.

— Hearing Hinako say that she’ll eventually tell Hajime the truth one day, Teresa starts to feel guilty. After all, she’s harboring a secret of her own as well. I can’t imagine anyone would really be mad when they find out, though. What is there to be mad about?

— Teresa then wonders if Alec has ever fallen in love with anyone. Y’know, I’d put good money that the redhead is probably in love with her best friend. But that about does it for this week’s Tada-kun.

Rise up, all good bois! This is our revolution! 

— Yeah, this show is so bad, but it’s also so ridiculous that you can’t look away.

— Seiya somehow entered into a duel with Julia and instantly lost. That’s nuts. Yuuga forbade him from dueling period, but you can still stumble into one unknowingly. That’s nuts. What’s even more nuts is that slaves can duel slaves. As a result, Julia is now his master… but only temporarily. Her master is this Ryuuou guy, so eventually, he will become Seiya’s master as well. That’s how easy it is to lose your slave? Geez, then what is Yuuga even worried about? Even if he loses to someone, he can just turn around and lose to Eia, right? Whenever a show likes to throw rules at you, you know for damn sure that it’ll soon start playing fast and loose with said rules.

— Afterwards, Yuuga shows Seiya and Ayaka some sick website where a guy is experimenting on his slave. To Seiya’s horror, the slave is Julia herself. You can’t command a slave to kill themselves, but you can apparently force them into torture if those barb wires are anything to go by. I dunno about you, but death seems preferable to me over painful torture or, well, enslavement.

— Needless to say, Yuuga eventually realizes that he’s no longer Seiya’s master. The latter hopes that Yuuga will save Julia from Ryuuou, but good luck with that.

— The perspective soon switches to a whole new character entirely. Shiori works at a maid cafe with a twist: you get to dress up as some haughty European noble. Not that this matters or anything, but from the front, I thought she had large breasts. This is apparently not the case. Shrug.

— Anyways, one of her customers desperately wants to become her slave, but she brushes this off. When she leaves at the end of the day, she bumps into a girl who also desperately wants to become her slave. How odd…

— The girl introduces herself as Taiju and proceeds to whip out an SCM, which Shiori has never heard of. Oh no.

— Taiju assures Shiori that she’d release the latter right away if the former ends up winning… but then why win at all? Why must you actually try to win? If your goal is to become Shiori’s slave in the first place, why not just lose on purpose? They are quickly hit on by two guys, so Shiori hatches a plan: whoever gets a guy to spend more money on them wins. Taiju could simply not play, but she goes on the offensive anyway. Shiori tries her best, but her rival easily has the upper hand. Shrug, I guess I just don’t understand these characters. Maybe the SCM compels you to be competitive or something, but that has never been mentioned before.

— At some point, they come across a hungry dog, so Shiori feeds it some of her karaage. Upon closer inspection, the dog has an SCM in its mouth! C’mon, man! Dog jaws are shaped differently from our jaws. You’d have to make a doggy version of the device just to give it to the dog! But who would even duel a dog? Dogs are already loyal.

— Shiori and Taiju end up at the guys’ place, and the former suddenly falls unconscious from her drink. Looks like one of these guys is a shitbag drug rapist. Luckily, Taiju flips her shit and gets them both out of that horrible situation.

— On some park bench, Taiju’s wig falls off. She was really a he all along. In fact, she was the same guy who had wanted to become Shiori’s slave to begin with. Nevertheless, he managed to win the duel, so she ends up becoming his slave… but not for long.

— Zenichi, a random shady guy, shows up out of nowhere and demands to know who the master is. When neither Shiori nor Taiju are forthcoming with the answer, he just decides to drag Shiori off. Taiju tries to defend the girl, but he’s easily overpowered. Zenichi proceeds to physically coerce Shiori into a duel. She can either accept or die. Fearing for her life, she naturally accepts a “punch-out” duel. Needless to say, she can’t win against him in a physical competition. But again, I find this incredibly stupid. After all, the SCM only works by heightening our sense of obligation. Why the fuck would you feel obligated to a guy who practically has to force you into a duel? Ah, whatever.

— Taiju runs off in fear, because he’s pretty much a loser. This is when Julia shows up and offers to make him a deal. This Ryuuou guy apparently wants to go around and collect slaves. Julia can save Shiori, but that pretty much guarantees that both the latter and Taiju will end up becoming Ryuuou’s plaything. Of course, that’s better than being beaten or raped by Zenichi, but how much better? Judging by that site that we just saw earlier, Ryuuou is not exactly an upstanding citizen himself.

— Nevertheless, when they return to the park, they find Zenichi in the middle of a fight against that dog. Good boi! The good boi even chomps on the asshole’s dick, and somehow, this spells Zenichi’s loss. Yes, somehow, he and the dog had entered a duel. The good boi is now the master. Ownership of Shiori will also transfer over to the dog. There’s also a chance that the dog has a master! This is madness!

— But wait, there’s more! In order to convince Julia to try and save Shiori, Taiju had to enter into a duel with her. But what are the conditions of that duel? Julia had successfully save Shiori from Zenichi. Since the dog ended up saving Shiori, wouldn’t that mean that Julia lost to Taiju?!

— Like I said at the start of this post, this show is by no means good… but I really wanna know what happens next. Don’t you?