I guess there’s a Sohma for everybody, and Arisa is no exception.

— Some people fall in love at first sight, which is apparently what happens here. A clumsy dude talks to Arisa once, and as a result, she is instantly enamored with him. Just like that, huh? Yup, just like that.

— I wish the episode would at least show these two having a deep, fulfilling conversation or something — anything to convince me that there’s a deep connection. Like maybe her shift is ending, so she ends up having an intimate talk with a stranger on her way home. It can happen. But as far as I know, no such thing occurs. Instead, the dude simply feels that her “joyous laughter” is so comforting that he could stare at her forever. Uh, yeah…

— Funnily enough, Arisa and her romantic interest doesn’t get the entire episode to itself. Right after the OP, we get to watch Tohru and her boys hit up a haunted house attraction at… uh, the department store? Is this a Japan-only thing?

— Not surprisingly, Tohru’s a scaredy-cat who screams at everything. Alright, let’s have our laughs and move on. But the episode doesn’t move on. We get to watch her scream over and over. She then closes her eyes and screams over and over.

— Hatsuharu tries to help Tohru by inventing a sad and sympathetic story for one of the ghosts. He gets so into it that he tears the head off of one of the animatronics. At first, the kids get yelled at, but when the manager (I assume he’s the manager) hears the same sob story, he starts blubbering. What the hell am I watching?

— I feel like this portion of the episode is the anime equivalent of a shitpost. Arisa’s side story isn’t long enough, so to buy some time, let’s just shitpost about a wacky trip to a haunted house attraction.

— With the episode more than half over, we finally revisit Arisa and her romantic interest. She hasn’t seen him again ever since their first encounter. So what does she do when she spots him randomly walking by on the streets? She yanks his shirt from behind. Chill, girl. You barely know this guy. You’re coming on a bit too strong.

— Arisa’s stomach conveniently growls, so he invites her to grab a bite to eat with him. Oh cool, they get to have their first date already. So I’m thinking, “Man, I hope this guy is at most a college student or something,” but c’mon, we know better. We know how much anime loves to pair young girls up with adult men.

— We learn that the guy’s name is Kureno, and (of course) he’s 26. Arisa is a junior in high school, so what does that make her? 17?

— Good question, Arisa! But it shouldn’t be your only question. Too often, people get too wrapped up in the legality of things. Just because an act is illegal, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong to do (e.g. marijuana use in some places). Conversely — and more importantly for our purposes — just because some act is legal, it doesn’t mean it’s right to do (e.g. being engaged to a 12 year old).

— Kureno also adds that he had never been to a conbini before he met her. Arisa can’t believe her ears, so he explains that it had never been necessary for him to visit one. He even confesses, “I live and work as I’m ordered to.” Oh boy, I bet he’s a Sohma… well duh, of course he is. Of course she has to fall in love with someone unattainable.

— Here’s the goofy part: Arisa just loses her shit. She’s offended, you guys. She’s offended. After all, it was love at first sight for her, so how dare he say that his visit that night was unnecessary! Dude, it’s only your second encounter. Chill out! Who flips out over an innocuous statement? This is a clear sign that maybe she isn’t emotionally mature enough to enter a relationship with a grown man… but y’know… anime and all…

— Sure, I get it. She sees through him. She knows that he’s not truly happy, but her own hurt feelings are getting in the way. But c’mon, who on earth reacts like this with someone they barely know?

— These poor waitresses probably just wanted a nice and peaceful lunch service.

— Eventually, Arisa storms off with Kureno chasing after her. It’s like straight out of a cheesy soap opera. When he finally catches up to her, he makes amend by confessing that he was happy to learn that she wanted to see him again. He then flashing her that authentic smile. Finally, he holds her face in his hands (I guess he’s not cursed) as if he’s about to kiss a fucking high school junior whom he has only met twice. These people are weirdos, man.

— But Kureno suddenly realizes something. And with that realization, he knows he must stop before it’s too late. Kureno leaves Arisa standing there without an explanation, and despite her fiery temper, she is now suddenly speechless.

— Right before the episode ends, we learn why Kureno had walked away: he and Akito are engaged in a rather “special” relationship. It’s crazy enough that every single Sohma is weirdly bound to Akito in some sort of sick and twisted codependent relationship. But now the Sohmas are leaking out into the real world and getting real people swept up in their madness. I always thought, “Okay, Tohru is hanging out with those weird animal boys, but at least she still has her two best friends. They can keep her grounded in reality.” Welp, so much for that!

Even if you become a mass murderer.

— Hina’s about to bite it when Jail and his team manage to get the backup generator going. As a result, Licht’s edgy transformation is a success. Time to become an army that doesn’t kill, right? Hah…

— So Licht gets his sword and saves Hina. He downs all of the helicopters and the soldiers in a single flash. He somehow manages not to kill anyone, but he also manages not to subdue them. This will be important for later.

— Naturally, Hina watches him with awe. Apparently, being a peeping tom is only a “little bit perverted.”

— The kids try to celebrate when all of the soldiers get back on their feet and reveal the C4s strapped to their torsos. Licht quickly uses his super speed to destroy the remote activator, but the head soldier now claims that there’s a bomb hidden on campus. It’s not just any bomb, though. It’s a nuclear bomb!

— So uh, just destroy the activator again? All of a sudden, this is not possible. The head soldier tells Licht that if he makes even the slightest movement, they’ll detonate the bomb. But if our hero instead opts to kill them, then he can prevent the detonation. Huh? We literally just saw him stare at bullets frozen in place. You’re telling me that he now can’t stop someone from manually detonating a bomb? Licht is so fast that he is just a flash of light to the human eye. But we just have to roll with this for plot reasons. Frankly, I think the writer’s a hack, but I’ve been saying this for a while now.

— Great animation.

— Kids good, adults bad!

— Eventually, Licht flip flops on his own promise and kills all of the soldiers. Right before the head soldier succumbs to his mortal wounds, he admits that he was just lying about the nuclear bomb. Lulz.

— Our hero comically runs off because he can’t face his classmates. He also doesn’t want them to see him breaking down. Hina naturally runs after him. Pele suggests that Lynn should do the same, but she seems to have already conceded in this war of love. Plus, she still has Pele as backup. Who doesn’t love being a consolation prize?

— Hina tries to comfort Licht, but it’s too late. Nana’s time traveling ability is wearing off. Gee, what a convenient time. More importantly, these schmucks didn’t accomplish anything. She sent them back into the past in order to do what? Try and save Licht? Well, about that…

— At this point, Licht finally realizes what he has to do: in order to prevent his classmates from having to bloody their hands, he’ll have to do it himself. So again, nothing has changed. Licht is going to murder thousands or millions — I’m not sure what. I guess this demonstrates the immutability of time?

— So what does Hina do? She strips. No, really. In her final moments with Licht, she decides that she needs get naked. Well, not completely.

— With her top off, she plants a big, wet one on Licht… right after he just puked too, so you know this is true love for all you people who won’t even kiss your SOs in the morning.

— Also, it’s amazing how Hina finally realizes that she loves Licht after after he makes the decision to murder millions. And for what? He’s doing this in order to protect his 10 to 20 classmates. Like c’mon, how is that a fair exchange? It’s not even easy to murder this many people. If you’re gonna put in that much effort, why not try to look for a peaceful solution? But I guess peace just isn’t possible… because kids good, adults bad!!!

— Right before Hina returns to her original time, she puts one of his hands on one of her breasts and tells him to remember this feeling. Oh baby, after you’re done murdering millions of people, put a baby inside me! Dude just got done taking human lives for the first time, and she’s telling him about all the baby-making they’re gonna do!

— Anyways, that’s it for the episode. You’ll have to wait till next week to see if Licht is gonna remember Hina’s promise to him and start pumping out mini-Lichts and mini-Hinas.

Tell and not show seems to be this show’s enduring philosophy.

— In the cold opening, Erwin asks the girls how Operation Concubine Seduction is going. These barely teenagers are apparently more than happy to discuss this sort of thing over breakfast. Yeah, we’re gonna bang your master, Erwin.

— Elise soon crashes the party, because she would like to learn more about her future husband. Normally, asking his closest friends would the right course of action. But guess what? These kids barely know Wendelin all that well either. They haven’t actually done a thing with our boy hero. I thought the whole point of going to adventure school was to, y’know, go on adventures. Imagine forming a party, then just telling your new friends to chill in a mansion.

— But here’s where it starts. Remember how I said Elise was here to find out more about Wendelin? Well, we don’t actually get to see this conversation play out. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see what Erwin, Iina, and Louise has to say about the kid? Guess not.

— Right after the OP, the king wants our boy hero to slay a dragon. Why? ‘Cause the kingdom needs to expand in order to combat food shortage, and murdering local fauna appears to be the only option. Is there no chance of co-existence? I guess not. Let’s just invade another species’ home and kill them.

— Like with most species, it’s not like the dragon’s existence is completely useless. We’re later told that the dragon’s presence is the only thing keeping nearby monsters in check. And guess what? If our hero slays the dragon, then he’s gonna have to murder all those monsters too. Not by himself, thankfully. He’ll have a ragtag army of glory-seekers to help him.

— I can’t help but wonder if all this magic could be used to help solve crises like a food shortage. Maybe someone should look into that. Or should we just assume that this is impossible? Ah well, back to making miso!

— Wendelin will be teamed up with this dork. We still haven’t seen him go on an adventure with his classmates, but there’s no helping it this time. Apparently, only mages can even go near a dragon.

— Technically, his friends still get to help out. Erwin gets the honor of leading the army while they wait for the dragon to be defeated. Even Elise is here, because they’re going to need lots of healers.

— Alright, it’s time to murder a poor dragon in cold blood, and this is the one thing that we do get to see in this episode. Look at that amazing animation.

— But now that the dragon is dead, the hordes of monsters will attack! Look, look! Can you see them? Can ya? Nope, you can’t. All you get are action lines around a cliff.

— Before you know it, Elise has a tent full of injured soldiers to heal. Obviously, they got hurt in battle. But do we actually get to see any of the fighting? Nope.

— We saw Erwin leading the army earlier, but he’s currently nowhere to be found. Iina and Louise are also here, but I’ve no clue what they’re up to either. These details just aren’t important!

— As the casualties mount, Elise buries her face in her hands. She’s worried sick over her fiancée. I guess she already cares about him deeply! When it comes to developing a relationship, one episode is really all that it takes.

— This is an odd situation. We were told that the dragon alone kept these monsters in check. Said dragon was then easily defeated by two mages. Brantag was present, but it didn’t look like he really did anything. All of a sudden, a horde of monsters — those same monsters that the dragon had handled all by its lonesome — is now pushing our mages and their army to their limits. Why were the monsters scared of the dragon in the first place? I guess it’s a rock-paper-scissors situation; mages > dragon > hordes of monsters > mages. But if that’s the case, why not, y’know, show this to us? Instead, we don’t actually get to see how and why our mages are struggling.

— And once again, before you know it, the army is victorious! I didn’t get to see anything! Where was the fighting? You’re telling me that they put down hordes of monsters all offscreen?

— But it’s okay, because who actually cares about storytelling? Just give me a summary of what actually happens. I totally enjoy reading episode summaries on Wikipedia more than actually watching the damn show.

— Elise hears that Wendelin has an injury, so she rushes out of the gates to see her dear fiancée. He’s just fine, though. I guess the story needs to hammer home the fact that she really, really cares.

— Afterwards, the couple has a moment where she can barely tell him what’s on her mind. She kinda grabs one of his sleeves and mutters something about how she understands that he’s not a hero. I guess him putting on a brave face despite not feeling like a hero is what seals the deal for her. Pink heart acquired. Time to give her the blue feather.

— Oh, Klimt is Elise’s uncle. Okay. Cool detail, bro.

— In the aftermath, Wendelin has been promoted to baron, but again, it’s not something that we get to see.

— Thanks to some political shenanigans, our boy hero is going to have to chill in the capital for the time being. But of course, we don’t actually get to see any of said shenanigans. All we know is that he’s here to stay, and so is his party. So much for adventure school! That was short-lived! Did he even learn anything while he was there?

— Wendelin and Elise aren’t even old enough to get married (just engaged for now), but they’re already talking about him acquiring concubines. Dude, chill.

— Our hero’s like some kind of greedy lil’ hobbit. Yeah, he has a future waifu, but what about a second one? Thirdsies? Afternoon waifu to go with tea?

— Needless to say, our 12-year-old fantasy priestess has no problems with her future husband getting closed to and banging other chicks. Of course she wouldn’t.

— Judging from the messages I got on Twitter and Facebook, however, this is where some of my readers will go:

‘Cause, y’know, that’s all that matters in life.

— Needless to say, the girls are over the moon with Elise’s approval. The problem is that neither Iina or Louise even know Wendelin all that well (ho ho ho). Hell, they’ve barely even spent any time with him. And if they have, we certainly didn’t get to see any of it. Either way, they’re only in this to take advantage of his wealth and status. There’s a term for this… gold… gold di-…. ah, I just can’t remember.

— But hey, our boy hero with the mental age of a salaryman now gets to dream about banging his teenage waifus, so it’s a win-win. Just look at that shit-eating face of his.

The game isn’t bad, but after six episodes, the anime seems like a complete dud.

— As soon as the episode starts, the girls bump into Hakushu. I’m five chapters into the game, which is a little past halfway. At the moment, she barely has any role to play. You only know two things about her: 1) she is Sakura’s master and 2) she really, really likes omurice.

— Hakushu knows all about Klara, because she’s obviously White Cape. But of course, the girls are completely clueless. It’s just baffling. I’m not sure if this is lazy writing or maybe they actually think this is a funny joke.

— Sakura is asked to help clean out a storage room for a nearby temple, which is about as boring as a chore can get. Hakushu obviously intends to use Klara as a way to lure the bad guys out, but again, Sakura doesn’t know any better. Yup, we’re just gonna tidy up a temple! Nothing more!

— The temple houses a bunch of orphans, so Hakushu wanted to see if Klara is interested in hanging around kids her own age. This is pointless, though. If she’s been keeping a close eye on the Russian girl as much as we’ve been led to believe, she should know by now that Klara is basically attached to Sakura. Almost overly-attached.

— Oh look, it’s the bad guys doing ballet ’cause we all know how much Russians love ballet. Valery also seems to know a thing or two about Hakushu. What he knows, however, remains a secret for now.

— So in the game, the Moscow Combat Revue has only been mentioned once. They basically got their butts kicked by the German team in the first round of the big competition offscreen, so I don’t even know what they looked like back then. I’m not even sure if Valery was their captain back then.

— Speaking of the competition, I’m through the first round. I’m pretty sure that by the end of the game, the Flower Division will have defeated both the London and the German teams and thus rebuilt their reputation. This is why the anime feels so odd. It’s supposed to be a sequel to the game, but the girls look so weak here. How did they go from defeating top rival teams and saving the world to… well, this?

— Black Mask predictably shows up, but Sakura doesn’t have her weapon. Why wouldn’t a soldier carry her sword with her at all times? If demons suddenly attacked, wouldn’t she want to be ready to jump into the frontlines?

— Before you know it, the entire team is here thanks to an anonymous tip. Gee, I wonder who could’ve sent it.

— At first, I thought it was overkill to sic five mechas on one human-sized baddie, but Black Mask is apparently that strong. At one point, he almost smashes his way into Claris’s mecha. Plus, if the bad guy had run indoors, what would the girls have done? It’s not like they can chase after him with their hulking mechas. I dunno, man. The writing here is just hella weak.

— After doing enough damage to Black Mask, we see that it’s really just a robot. A robot that can somehow transform into a demon. At this point, Hakushu decides that she needs to fight as White Cape for some reason. I have no clue why. After all, they’re the same person. If she can defeat the demon as White Cape, she should be able to do it as Hakushu. Why even bother? Is she trying to hide the fact that Hakushu is really this strong?

— So to the girls, Hakushu disappeared outta nowhere and White Cape suddenly shows up outta nowhere. Hmmm, that seems mighty suspicious!!! C’mon, it’s obvious that Hakushu and White Cape are the same person. But once again, Sakura is as dumb as a brick in the anime. I’m not saying she’s Einstein in the game, but she doesn’t have any of these moments. In the game, she’s just your typical genki girl who wants to do her best in order to follow in Shinguji Sakura’s footsteps (the OG Sakura, I guess).

— Wanna defeat the bad guy? Just target its weak point! It’s almost like this is a game!

— Defeating the demon triggers a huge explosion, which then triggers Klara. Womp womp.

— In the aftermath, the poor girls scratch their heads and wonder who was possibly in control of the robot. Gosh, who?! Who, you guys? Whoooooooo?!!! I wish we had a clue… like maybe there’s a group of people out there who really want to get their hands on Klara. People who have shown up to the theater recently… M…. Mosc….. Moscow something something… ugh, I guess we’ll just never know!

— Speaking of the Russians, we get to see a flashback. I guess Valery saw an angel or whatever. Shrug, we’ll see.

— I think they should’ve just adapted the game instead of creating this half-assed sequel.

Well, that’s not good.

— With every new episode, we get more and more information about what had happened on that unfortunate day. Essentially, the Mystics had a city where they lived in coexistence with the Earless, but the betrayal caused all of the latter to go wild. In the end, the lone survivor is a little girl by the name of Roz.

— So how exactly has Roz managed to make it on her own since then? Shrug. There are gaps in the story that Listeners isn’t particularly concerned with. Just go with the flow and don’t sweat the minor details. I can only assume that the girl grows her own food, sews her on clothes, makes her own medicine, so on and so forth. As for loneliness, well… we’ll get to that in a bit.

— Back in the present, the kids’ journey has taken them to the coast. Apparently, Mu has never seen the ocean before. Or maybe she’s simply forgotten that she has. Unfortunately, the Mystics and their city are nowhere to be found. And to make matters worse, Echo suddenly collapses with a nosebleed.

— Mu’s pleas for help allows her Core Part to resonate. This then opens up the secret path to the Mystics’ city. Kinda like a chosen one sort of deal. The Mystics aren’t exactly an ancient race, but there are some analogues…

— These street names are probably music references that I know nothing about. Honestly, the only time I ever listen to music by itself — as in music that isn’t part of a movie or a video game — is when I want to drown out all of the annoying chatter in the office. I’ve been working from home since 2018, however, so I pretty much never listen to music.

— Roz, who’s now all grown up, eventually shows up to take a look at Echo. She immediately starts dropping major bombs on us. For instance, Echo is afflicted with sound sickness. And in time, he will transform into an Earless. Prolonged exposure to Players appears to be the cause. The more he rides with Mu, the less human he becomes. It does help, however, to take breaks. Echo later seems to imply that he can keep his symptoms under control, but he simply got careless.

— I can’t help but think back to Bilin and Kevin. Maybe it was a blessing that he became a shut-in for an extended period of time. If he had continued riding continuously with his partner, I guess he would’ve met the same fate? Well, I dunno…

— This is where Mu and Roz starts butting heads. The latter sees the Earless as friends, so it’s no big deal to her if Echo becomes one. For obvious reasons, Mu disagrees. Even if she can still befriend an Earless Echo, they can’t really communicate with each other, can they? Unfortunately, Roz has no interest in helping a Player ever since her people were betrayed.

— A bunch of Earless show up, which probably explains why Roz isn’t lonely. Her family and friends haven’t really died per se. They’ve simply changed forms. Hell, maybe they’ve even helped her get food and clothes. So are the Earless immortal? Can they die from old age?

— In the end, Mu is willing to sacrifice it all in order to save her friend, so she hands over her Core Part. This isn’t really unexpected, though. If someone told me if I had to give up the rights to driving in order to save a friend, I’d probably do it. Well, I suppose being a Player and driving a car is not exactly equivalent, but eh…

— When Echo regains consciousness, however, he acts as though Mu had been scammed once again. He tells her that there’s no way he could turn into an Earless. In reality, he knows the truth, but I assume he’s lying because he wants to stay by Mu’s side. After all, if she knows that his life is in “danger” — I guess it’s arguable whether or not turning into an Earless is truly a bad thing — then she wouldn’t let him accompany her. At the same time, however, she probably can’t get very far without him (and vice versa). They kinda need each other if they want to find Jimi. Still, isn’t Echo scared? Isn’t he worried about potentially losing his human form?

— So Echo goes to have a chat with Roz in order to retrieve Mu’s Core Part. We thus get a brief history lesson about the island and how Jimi crash-landed onto it. Everything, Roz claims, was so peaceful back then. The Mystics and the Earless lived together in harmony. She acknowledges, however, that the Earless are dangerous to normal humans. So we’re missing something. Obviously, those Players did a bad thing; they shouldn’t have betrayed the Mystics. But what’s the actual solution? How can humans prevent the Earless from attacking them? It isn’t as though they are unjustified in hating the Earless unless there is yet some crucial missing piece of information. In any case, the only hint regarding a potential solution is something about love. Maybe the kids can jam out and play a song about a love so great that it pacifies both humans and the Earless. Maybe that’s what Jimi tried to do.

— Alright, since Echo can’t convince Roz to give the Core Part back, it’s time for some action. As a result, the Dada sisters make their convenient return to the stage.

— The Dada sisters immediately try to attack a defenseless Mu, but an Earless jumps to our heroine’s defense. Unfortunately, we already know that the Dada sisters seem to have some strange ability to send the Earless into a frenzy, which is exactly what happens next.

— Seeing as how all of her family and friends are going mad, Roz has no choice but to rely on Mu and Echo to stop the Dada sisters. The resulting battle is… well, not much of one. Listeners isn’t all too concerned about extended fight scenes. Mu and Echo pretty much kick the Dada sisters’ asses in no time flat.

— At one point, Echo assures Mu that she can go all out, because he had swiped a bunch of medicine (hopefully with Roz’s permission). Well, he had better hoped that the stash lasts him until the last episode. In any case, their teamwork has certainly improved considerably since the second episode… even if I don’t really know what specifically they’ve done to become make themselves stronger. Again, just go with the flow.

— In the aftermath, Roz relents and gives the kids a little more information. After all, the kids did save her people. She reveals that Jimi is perhaps still alive. He was supposed to come to the island after the Fest, but he was taken elsewhere. Welp, the wild goose chase continues.

— Roz also warns Mu not to hesitate: “Fruit that you’ve been gazing at fondly tends to get pecked at by birds before you know it.” Um, okay. It’s not like Mu has any competition, though. Who else is gonna peck at this fruit? Nir? She’s batshit insane, though.

— Right before the credits, Roz tells her father she won’t fix the fix the hole in the ceiling right away. Maybe she knows she can’t stay walled off forever. Hmm, the only wall-related music factoid I know is Pink Floyd’s The Wall, and it’s not even because I like it. One of my high school lit teacher was a huge Pink Floyd nerd, and we pretty much spent a week listening and interpreting every track on that album. Let’s just say it went in one ear and came out the other.

Our (currently) ex-student council president is the unwitting star of every story this week.

— Without all the student council responsibilities on his plate, Miyuki finally gets a good night of sleep and it has done wonders for his appearance. He’s even approachable now! It’s funny, though. All this time, I thought he just had resting bitch face. I mean, I suppose being perpetually tired can cause resting bitch face, but Miyuki isn’t supposed to look like this. He’s supposed to be a normal-looking guy. Meanwhile, I always have resting bitch face, tired or not.

— Well, the guy tries to charm Kaguya with his new face, but she’s not a fan. And unfortunately, her opinion is the only one that truly matters.

— Kaguya quickly runs off to Nagisa for her romantic woes. After all, if her attraction goes down simply because Miyuki’s appearance has changed, does this mean she never truly loved him? Nagisa doesn’t really fall anywhere on the spectrum between idealism and realism. She just wants to assuage her friend’s feelings. As a result, we’re gonna need other people to chime in.

— Chika walks up and bluntly states that true love is akin to the romance found in Beauty and the Beast. You shouldn’t let trivial things like your lover’s appearance get in the way!

— In the opposing corner, we have Yu. Being rather cynical himself, he prefers the realistic approach. Maybe a little too realistic. It’s kinda like the altruism argument, I suppose. Some people believe that all altruism contains a hint of selfishness within it. But is selfishness inherently immoral? Therein lies the rub. For Yu, it’s enough that you are true to yourself; acknowledge your selfishness and be authentic. Don’t go spouting lofty ideals that you can’t actually conform to.

— Honestly, you see this problem over and over. Guys will complain about girls cutting their hair short. Girls will complain about guys shaving their beards and no longer looking manly. In truth, everyone needs time to adjust. When something familiar suddenly becomes unfamiliar, it can be a shock to the system. Over time, however, your previous feelings should return… unless, of course, you decide to be a petulant baby about it. This sadly happens from time to time, especially when social stigmas come into play.

— In the end, the problem (over-)corrects itself when Miyuki shows up with eyes that are more fucked up than ever. Nevertheless, this is exactly what Kaguya wants; she might like this look even more than the time he put on cat ears. That girl ain’t right.

— In the second half of the story, Chika discovers that Miyuki can’t sing due to his tone deafness. She proceeds to become a mama bear and coach him out of it. After all, the student council president should at least be able to sing the school’s anthem, right? Pfft, don’t ask me.

— Man, I went to public schools. Did my high school have an anthem? Probably. Were we ever asked to sing it? Never. Do I even know what my high school anthem sounds like? Hah, no. Look, at the time, I wasn’t even aware that we had a student council. I certainly never voted in any goddamn election.

— But it’s different for these kids. They go to very prestigious school, and the students here have lots of pride. Enough pride to waste one morning a week singing some corny ass song.

— I don’t have much else to say about this story. It’s just here for laughs. Miyuki is so bad at singing that it hurts Chika’s soul. But in the end, she somehow pulls through and fixes him all up.

— In the final third of the episode, Miyuki doesn’t make an appearance, but it’s still all about him. Kaguya isn’t just content to write his campaign speech. She’s going to pull every under-handed trick to secure him a victory. She literally does oppo research — oppo research for a high school election!

— So one by one, Kaguya scares off all of the competition… except Miko. The girl is just too steadfast and pure. The reason she has never come close to winning is because she actually sticks to her widely unpopular beliefs. Y’know, if you become an elected official, by definition, you are a politician. Nevertheless, that does not necessarily guarantee that you know how to play the game of politics, and this is precisely Miko’s problem.

— I’m actually reminded of Bernie Sanders’s inability to change things up. To his fans, that’s part of his appeal. He’ll give the same speech over and over because he truly believes in what he’s saying. He doesn’t pretend to adopt a policy simply to win over a voting bloc. And over time, he has managed to build up a massive following thanks to his steadfast approach and the current political climate. If America was doing well, less people would resonate with his socialist slant. In the end, however, Bernie’s greatest strength also became his biggest weakness. Going on live TV and defending socialism in America just isn’t a smart political move (especially when he could’ve just pivoted to social democracy instead of championing democratic socialism). But hey, this isn’t supposed to be a post about American politics, so I’ll just stop here.

— So yeah, Kaguya tries to make Miko an offer that can’t be refused: drop out this year, and Kaguya will guarantee a victory next year. Unfortunately, Miko can’t be swayed! She won’t be bought! In fact, when she wins, she’ll force Miyuki and Kaguya to serve on her student council so that she can drain the swamp! Hilarious. It’s extra funny because we know she won’t win. If anything, she’ll be the one to join Miyuki’s second administration.

But Catarina is too busy just trying to survive.

— I’ve never seen anyone with such an exaggerated leg kick, but I don’t watch Japanese baseball. Maybe there’s a kooky pitcher out there who does exactly this.

— Catarina is now pitching fake snakes in case Geordo ever tries to murder her. I guess if that fateful day ever comes, she’ll stuff pockets full of fake snakes. Personally, I don’t think the humor is hitting home. Hell, I think the show should move on from this gimmick. Let’s be honest: Catarina is no longer gonna die to any of these boys. They’ll have to introduce a whole new villain if they wanna work the doom flag angle.

— For the first time that I can tell in this series, Catarina’s mom admits that the new Catarina has been an overall net positive to the household. She still flips out over her daughter’s “low class” behavior, though.

— The first boy to try and make a move is Keith. He used to suffer from nightmares, but thanks to Catarina’s help, he’s A-OK now. So he tries to lean in and kiss our sleeping heroine, but Catarina wakes up and is none-the-wiser. If this girl gets any denser, she’s gonna form a singularity.

— In fact, this episode pretty much runs this joke into the ground. Every boy makes a romantic gesture only for Catarina to remain blissfully unaware of their feelings. The next person to make a move is Geordo. He tries to organize a one-on-one date with Catarina by the lake. Unfortunately, Mr. Overly-Attached won’t let Katarina out of his sight, so she just invites him to join them. I would’ve made a stepbrother joke, but alas, he’s an adoptive brother.

— Not only has Keith tagged along, so has the rest of the gang. Minus Sirius, of course. He’s pretty much the only person not in Catarina’s harem. I wonder if he’s gonna be a villain then…

— All of the girls love Catarina, but Mary is the only person who is actively gunning for the heroine. I guess if I had to root for one of the girls, she’d get my vote. I prefer characters who take the initiative. Plus, both Sophia and Maria seem very meek when it comes to their personalities. I typically don’t gravitate to girls like that.

— What kind of picnic has the boys and the girls sitting separately? Boo. Boo you boring children!

— Sophia insists over and over that her brother is smiling more these days. The potential for a good joke is there, but the execution is off. I think it’s because the animation isn’t very expressive. Honestly, the animation just isn’t very good.

— What is this? Untitled Goose Game?

— On the way home, both Keith and Geordo remark that Catarina is always leaving herself defenseless. On the other hand, if a girl can’t feel safe around her brother and her fiancé, then that’s kinda fucked up.

— I feel misled by the eyecatch. Where were the sand castles?!

— In Catarina’s head, most of her personalities are too lazy to continue being diligent during the summer. That’s fine and all, but then some random Tuxudo Mask cosplayer (but without the mask) shows up. Unfortunately, his sudden introduction to the story isn’t brought up again for the rest of the episode.

— Next up is Nicol… who goes wherever Sophia seems to go. So is he really taking his shot? Well…

— At one point, Sophia can’t help but feel a sense of déjà vu. Welp, that seals the deal; she’s that girl in the OP. Y’know, the one holding Catarina’s hand on the beach. Somehow, two girls have gotten isekai’d into this universe, but for some reason, Sophia has no memories of her previous life. I wonder if the mysterious man in Catarina’s head is somehow responsible at all for this situation.

— Since Sophia is the former BFF and all, she should have the leg-up in the Catarina Sweepstakes. But at the moment, she’s more concerned with playing wingwoman to her expressionless dullard of a brother. Even when he tries to be intense, he puts me to sleep. Nevertheless, the story acts as though he’s just oozing mysterious charm from every pore. Yeah, okay.

— Look at Sirius’s baby face. That level of innocence must be hiding something!

— Finally, we get to the last bishie. Since it’s Alan, he puts in one hell of a performance on the piano… at least, that’s what I assume. I’ve no clue if his playing skills are actually exceptional or not. His fan club certainly approves. Good lord, look at those “letters” on that sign. Is this really what the language looks like in this stupid game?

— Alan reveals the name of the last song he played. Look at Captain Subtle over here. But of course, Catarina doesn’t have a clue that the song is meant for her.

— But Mary knows. And Mary is not happy. Again, out of these currently very boring characters, Mary is my begrudging favorite. Everyone else is just so flat and uninteresting.

— At one point in the night, Catarina has a short conversation with Sirius. In a universe all about romance, the guy beams as he declares his non-preference. Calm down there, evil guy. The show even gives us a slight Dutch angle to emphasize the moment. Ooh la la.

— Then right before the episode comes to an end, we get a glimpse of Catarina’s previous life. Yeah, Sophia and her former best friend pretty much look the same. The latter just needs to put on a wig and some colored contacts.

A show that is already full of fanservice apparently feels the need to up the ante.

— Clair and Shuichi have found a new group of potential allies, and naturally, it’s pretty much a ragtag bunch. I’ve already called the girl in the middle a Celty wannabe — an anorexic Celty, in fact. Look how skinny her limbs are. She’s flanked by Scary Blanket and a male host from a caberet club. But wait, we have more! There’s The Spy Who Creeps On You and Nina Tucker from Full Metal Alchemist!

— Last but not least, these dorks are led by Sexy Jason Voorhees. C’mon lady, it’s not even Halloween.

— Tadanori will remain Clair and Shuichi’s ace in the hole, I guess. He won’t join the party, so he’ll take a backseat until they conveniently need his brute strength.

— Shuichi wonders if he and Clair were somehow brought together by coincidence or if someone had pulled their strings. She doesn’t really have a good answer. She just attributes their partnership to destiny. Clair makes it sound as if they have a special bond. Maybe, maybe not. If Shuichi feels the same way, he certainly doesn’t show it. He continues frowning as she embraces him.

— Last week, Clair wanted to hide their true identity, but it didn’t work. She had to climb out of Shuichi in order for them to beat Tadanori. This week, the group won’t let her join unless she performs a special pact. Naturally, said pact can’t be done unless Clair climbs outta Shuichi.

— For the secret pact, the leader of the group strips down to just her panties. Um, okay.

— Meanwhile, Ikeuchi freaks out just because Anorexic Celty — her family name is Yoshioka — wants to pet Shuichi’s costume. Sounds like someone has a crush, but with a bowl cut like his, he’s never gonna win anyone’s heart.

— When Clair returns to grab her phone, she doesn’t look too happy to see Yoshioka all over Shuichi. She doesn’t say anything, though. After all, she’s about to get some action herself.

— It’s funny how they can’t really hide her breasts with her hair from this angle, so they just flat-out decided not to draw her nipples. That’s what makes something truly dirty, kids! It’s the nipples!

— Clair doesn’t hide her goals; she straight up reveals that she’s looking for her sister. In return, Sexy Jason Voorhees gives us a sob story about how her teacher broke up with her because the latter had a strong moral compass. I dunno, man. I don’t think someone with a strong moral compass would’ve slept with her student in the first place. In any case, Sexy Jason Voorhees tried to confide in a friend, but said friend betrayed her. As a result, Super Moral Teacher decided to kill herself. Womp womp.

— What’s the point of the sob story? Well, it explains why she now has the power to punish traitors. If you reveal the group’s secret, you die. If you feel as though you’ve betrayed the group, you also die. The last one is kinda iffy. If someone can somehow delude themselves into thinking that they haven’t hurt the group, then can they spare themselves from death?

— In any case, Sexy Jason Voorhees begins to feel Clair up. For some reason, we even cut to a vibrator. There’s no way she does this with every new member. I think she just has the hots for Clair.

— If the episode gave me Sexy Jason Voorhees’ actual name, I must have missed it. I find it funnier to call her Sexy Jason Voorhees anyway.

— Yoshioka reveals that she’s not too different from Shuichi. Like him, she just wants to protect her loved ones. She then convinces him to help her find her wallet, so at some point, she’s gonna get inside him. Since Clair is busy cozying up with another partner, you just know that Shuichi has to do the same. Tit for tat. Plus, it’s often said that you need to have multiple partners to truly be good at sex… or at the very least, appreciate what you have.

— Hell, it wouldn’t shock me if a dude becomes his partner at some point in the future. The only question is how many people are gonna end up wearing Shuichi before this series is over.

— Away from the rest of the group, Yoshioka takes off her helmet to reveal that she has (I assume) dog ears. Essentially, she made a wish to better understand animals, but like with everyone else, the Alien’s evil monkey’s paw instincts kicked in and turned her into a furry.

— The search for the wallet isn’t going too well, because Shuichi tracks things by scent. If the wallet smells like the girl, and the girl is right next to him, then she’s just gonna keep being a false positive. So what’s the solution? Let’s have sex!

— Naturally, Ikeuchi followed them into the mountains, so he’s getting his dumb bowl cut ass NTR’d. I can assume that Yoshioka knows nothing about his crush on her, so he only has himself to blame for his inaction.

— And now that Shuichi’s partner count has doubled, he gets to compare them. The problem is that anyone wearing him can feel his emotions, so Yoshioka knows right away how he truly feels about Clair. But before she can reveal it to us, he cuts her off. Well, someone’s not being honest.

— For some reason, Yoshioka rides Shuichi completely buck-naked. He tries to be a prude about it, but again, he can’t hide his feelings from anyone inside him. I dunno, it seems kinda unsanitary to have someone’s crotch rub up against your insides.

— Back at the hideout, things are about to get spicier when Clair finally voices her reluctance. And that’s honestly it. Sexy Voorhees stops and performs the actual ritual. You just have to wear a necklace made out of her hair. Once you do, it nastily sinks into your skin. So what exactly was Sexy Voorhees trying to accomplish with all the skinship nonsense? What was this whole rigamarole for? Clearly, she didn’t need to strip down. Clearly, she didn’t need to rub Clair’s crotch.

— Right before the episode ends, some super skinny kid by the name of Subaru picks up Yoshioka’s wallet. Welp, we’re probably gonna get a fight between him and Shuichi.

— We’ll see how they develop over the course of the series, but personally, I don’t find Clair and Shuichi’s new allies all that interesting.

Without release, negative feelings turn into dregs.

— At the start of the episode, it’s raining cats and dogs, so Momiji plans an excursion to one of the Sohma vacation houses. Geez, how many do they have? In any case, it’s your bread and butter summer beach episode. Personally, I like storms. It’s not that I’m gloomy or anything. I just feel that when you’re walking through the rain — and the winds swirling around you — it feels vibrant. In comparison, a sunny, blue sky just seems dull. But that’s me.

— The whole gang is invited! A good half of them won’t show, but it’s the thought that counts! Honestly, I thought Tohru’s BFFs would be invited too, but I guess they’re busy.

— Are Japanese kids really that into catching beetles? It seems to be a common trope in anime and manga.

— It turns out Tohru hasn’t done any of her summer homework, so she has to finish all that up before the summer getaway. I had actually had summer homework over high school for my honors and AP classes. That was always a drag.

— While Yuki helps the girl with her homework, he spots that cap from way back when. You remember, right? As a young kid, she got lost, so a boy helped her out. Naturally, she no longer remembers what that boy looked like, but he was her first love. Oh gosh, can you imagine the reaction on her face when she finds out it was Yuki all along!! Does that mean they’re destined for each other?! Yeah, anime and manga love this stuff, but I can’t take it seriously. If anything, I feel like it cheapens love.

— To me, love is work. It’s hard for some, easy for others, but it’s work nonetheless. Both parties (or more if that’s your thing) have to put in effort to form a beautiful partnership. So I guess I just don’t like the idea of love boiling down to destiny or anime’s much beloved red string of fate. Why? ‘Cause then it feels like the participants have no choice in the matter. Some playful god simply grabbed two dolls and said, “Now kiss!” I could’ve picked anyone else. I could’ve thrown in the towel. I could’ve run at the first sign of trouble. But I stayed to help make this relationship work. That’s way more romantic to me than those silly childhood friends trope.

— Anyways, Yuki wanted to come clean when Momiji suddenly barges back into the room and ruins the “mood.” Personally, I would’ve just texted her. “Haha, remember that kid? It was me, lulz.”

— The next day, the kids leave for their fun summer getaway. As soon as they’re out of sight, Rin suddenly shows up. Hoo boy, I like to think Shigure isn’t a lecherous dog of a man, but I mean… he is the Dog in the family. Hell, she even refers to him as Gure-nii, but I guess that doesn’t mean much in this series. It’s all incestuous up in this joint.

— Unfortunately, we don’t get to see how this scene plays out. All we know is that Rin wants something from Shigure, and she thinks trying to seduce him will work. The only glimmer of hope is this singular sentence: “I’m not sure I can meet your expectations.” Hopefully, that implies that Shigure will reject the girl, but who knows.

— She kinda looks like Tifa from here.

— Speaking of seduction, this is an odd angle for a girl as pure and wholesome as Tohru.

— Initially, there isn’t much to say about the getaway, Hiro is being an exhausting brat like usual. Tohru can apparently swim well, but she doesn’t know how to breathe while doing so. Finally, Yuki continues to mull over his troubles even when he’s supposed to be relaxing with friends.

— Someone certainly needs a tan.

— Eventually, Hiro’s lack of a filter gets him into trouble. When Tohru magically drops her notebook again, he picks it up and hands it back to her without a struggle. So at first, you think, “Oh, progress for the brat!” But then he starts asking her why she doesn’t carry a photo of her father, which obviously troubles Tohru. She isn’t ready to open up about this.

— Eh, Hiro’s young and dumb. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s insensitive. Kids aren’t ready-made. They need to be taught how to become proper humans. It’s just too bad that that Kisa is the one who has to call him out. Ideally, his parents should teach him how to empathize with others, but you guys know how it is with parents in this series!

— In the end, Hiro understands what he did wrong, but he only goes and apologizes to Kisa. Tohru is left staring up at the night sky, repeatedly muttering to herself, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” Nobody here ever feels safe enough to open up to each other. Kyo keeps his shit bottled in. Yuki keeps his shit bottled in. And Tohru keeps her shit bottled in.

— In the morning, Tohru’s already overcompensating to try and bury her feelings. Kyo, however, can apparently tell that she’s down, so he asks Hiro if the kid had done something.

— We then jump to Shigure, who is now paying Akito a visit. Man, this dog sure does get around. Akito’s pissing and moaning like usual. She hates the summer, and she hates that everyone is having fun, because them having fun means they’re not on their knees, begging for scraps of her approval. So naturally, Shigure dares her to do something about it. You could say he’s an instigator. On the other hand, the real problem is stagnancy. Nothing is ever resolved, because no one is willing to change. No one has the guts to challenge the status quo.

— When consuming a story, I can’t help but be tempted to assign persons and actions to moral poles of good and evil. Torturing someone is evil. Isolating them from the world is evil. Nothing here is wrong, per se… but it does cloud my perspective a bit.

— Through a certain lens, Akito is not a good person. I won’t argue in her favor. But through a different lens, I think what could best described the conflict here is that the Sohmas have become impure. Stagnancy has settled in, and as a result, these characters and their actions have become mired in filth. Things don’t change, and without change, there isn’t death. And without death, impurity accumulates. And over time, even the clearest still water will turn pitch-black. I mean, think about the Sohma curse. It’s meant to breed stagnancy. An eternal bond sounds ideal on paper, but it’s also unnatural. Nothing is supposed to last forever, and Akito’s refusal to embrace change is what has her so warped. Her negative feelings just pile onto themselves over and over without any chance to be cleansed. They become dregs, and those dregs in turn stain her soul.

— Well, change is coming, but not anytime soon. Right before the end of the episode, Yuki tells Tohru that he has something he needs to tell her. Why can’t he just tell her now? Why does it have to wait? They’re alone, aren’t they? Considering how he just wants to reveal to her that he was that boy from years ago, it’s not even worth holding off in my opinion. Nevertheless, Yuki simply announces that he has something to tell her. He’s just not ready. He acknowledges that he needs to open up, and in return, Tohru realizes that she needs to open up as well. But for now, all we get are promises and heavy hearts.

Baseball is serious business in Anima City. Serious enough to get you killed.

— Our heroine tells Shirou that she isn’t using her human form because she feels more comfortable in her beastman form. Over time, she’s going to get used to living in Anima City. Even if Barbaray finds a cure, I bet Michiru won’t take it when the show is all said and done.

— Michiru prefers basketball, but with all her superpowers, she ends up excelling at baseball. She’s got gorilla arms for pitching and batting, cheetah legs for running the bases, and super stretchy arms for catching fly balls. The first two are at least animal-related. I’m not exactly sure which species on this planet can mimic Stretch Armstrong. In any case, it’s obvious that Michiru isn’t just a tanuki. She’s got all sorts of animal DNA in her.

— Again, Anima City is a dump. Baseball isn’t just a beloved pastime in this city. It’s a life-or-death game. Players can literally whip out knives and stab you on the basepaths. How dumb is that? The mayor should outlaw this shit, but instead, she tells Shirou to investigate a potential gambling ring surrounding a sport. Huh? Gambling? That’s what you’re worried about when your beastmen are literally dying in the game?

— Mary (Marie now?) preemptively correcting Michiru is pretty funny.

— Winnie the Pooh dies to a liner that hits him in the face — no, I’m not making up the Winnie the Pooh thing — so Michiru gets roped into filling in for the Bears. With all of her “natural” talents, she carries the massive underdogs to victory.

— The Bears later take her to their home, which is smack dab in the middle of the slums. Like sure, big cities will have some rough areas. You might accidentally wander into the projects if you’re not careful. But you usually don’t expect to find a shantytown where plumbing is a pipe dream. Again, Anima City has serious issues. How can the mayor abide by all the fancy skyscrapers when this mess exists right beneath her nose?

— Michiru initially doesn’t want to join the team, but after the Bears send her on a guilt trip, she finally relents. She has one rule, though: no killing. So the opposing teams can kill them, but they have to be clean! Obviously, baseball in Anima City just isn’t worth it. It’s a game where you can literally die, but you barely get paid for it. What dream is worth your life?

— Nevertheless, the game goes on, and with Michiru’s help, the Bears rack up wins after wins. Their coach tries his best to throw the game for obvious reasons (hint: gambling), but Michiru doesn’t care what he wants.

— We get a flashback about how the coach was the first beastman to ever join a pro baseball team — y’know, ones with human players. He’s kinda like the Jackie Robinson for beastman kind. Unfortunately, he snapped one day due to all the discrimination, so he either murdered his fellow players or seriously injured them. Yeah, I don’t think Jackie did that.

— Anyways, the Bears eventually make it to the finals, and they’re up against a team full of literal animal killers. But again, the mayor wants to get to the bottom of that gambling ring. Yep, that’s the priority.

— Michiru soon discovers that even her own teammates are trying to throw the game. They’ve been offered a substantial sum of cash to lose. So of course, our heroine climbs onto the mound and delivers an idealistic speech about how one shouldn’t sell out, dreams are special, blah blah blah. There are lives are at stake, man. Their fucking lives! I love baseball too, but c’mon, surviving is way more important. It isn’t the players’ responsibility to clean up the game. That’s what the league should do, and if the league won’t, then the government steps in.

— Nevertheless, the Bears stage a furious rally thanks to Michiru’s speech so they’re now down by just a single run. The coach broke into the bad guys’ safe and steals a whole bunch of money, but Shirou stops him in his tracks. The wolf then gives the money… uh, back to the bad guys?

— In the end, the Bears couldn’t pull it off. They lose by that single run margin. But the moral victory is that they’ve revitalized the sport! The Bears are in tears because they actually care now. It was such a good, well-fought game (against literal murderers) that the Bears can go home with their heads held… high? I don’t know what to think, man.

— Right before the episode ends, Shirou lies to the mayor about being unable to uncover any hard evidence on a gambling ring. What was even the lesson here? What was I supposed to take away from this episode? Maybe if he had delivered the evidence, baseball would’ve been shut down? And Shirou wouldn’t want that because so many people (including Michiru) depend on the game for fun? But they can literally die playing this sport. They can literally die. I’m not even using the word “literally” to mean “figuratively.”

— I dunno, man. This seems like the weakest episode yet.

There are still some loose ends to tie up in the past.

— Not much has changed since we last left off. Licht will still do all the killing in order to prevent his classmates from having to bloody their own hands. Unfortunately, the more he kills, the less human be becomes.

— Schmelman actually feels guilty about Licht, so he hasn’t turned evil yet. He still cares about the children. It’s pretty clear that Firenda is primarily to blame, but what exactly happened to her in those 300 years? We have yet to see her in the present day.

— We’ve gotten plenty of fanservice from the girls, so it’s only fair that we now get a shot of Licht’s bare ass.

— Licht also bumps into Nana that same day, and they become fast friends. Unfortunately, he eventually distances himself from her due to all the war trauma.

— The girls try to bring him back by flashing their panties at him, which… strikes me as an act in rather poor taste. “Yeah, I know you’re probably haunted by the thousands of lives you’ve taken, but look at our panties though! Look! Doesn’t your lust override all those horrific murders?!”

— “You never know how much you miss a sexual deviant until they’re gone!”

— At some point, Class A begged Schmelman to allow them to undergo the same operation, but it was all for naught anyways. Licht is the commander, so he simply orders his own classmates to stand down. On the other hand, Doan can kill, because he doesn’t give a shit about him. And I guess I don’t either. Well, to be honest, I don’t really care about any of these characters. I just blog this show outta pure stubbornness.

— In the end, Licht’s efforts just aren’t enough. People are still gonna starve, so Firenda pushes for her most dastardly plan yet. By collect the Dragon Balls Original Ballots, they can make a wish pass a resolution to create a floating city. You might have heard of said floating city. Alcia, anyone? Alcia is only for a select few. It will thrive by “plundering” all of the world’s resources. See, it’s the show’s title!

— I just don’t understand why you can create a magical floating island that somehow steals resources… but you can’t wish for more food. Or you can’t wish for someone smart enough to create more food. I feel like solving world hunger is probably easier than creating a floating island, but eh… what do I know? I’m not an anime scientist.

— As time goes by, Licht becomes more and more of a monster. He even turns his blade against Sonohara but none of this classmates can bear to hate him. I guess they all accept that he’s trying to protect him. At this point, however, he’s clearly a threat to his own classmates, so I dunno… keep him away from the rest of the kids? No, that would make too much sense.

— Meanwhile, young Nana starts to record a series of video journals. At the beginning, she basically says that she’s in love with Licht, and she hopes to marry him now that the war is over.

— Licht’s best bud Sakai opposes the creation of Alcia, so he steals one of the Original Ballots. Alexandrov wanted to go after his own student himself, but Firenda comes up with yet another evil plan: let Licht do the job.

— So naturally, what we see next is our hero killing his own best friend — the guy he originally tried to save by joining the military school. So again, Firenda is the main baddie, right? But she’s nowhere to be found in the present day. We only have Schmelman.

— Anyways, Licht either falls asleep or goes into a coma for a really long time. When he wakes up, he learns that the rest of Class A had tried to save orphans, but eventually decided to kill themselves in order to be less of a resource drain. Alright. At this point, I feel like the writer is just trying to score as many tragedy points as possible. No one tries to do anything constructive. No one tries to solve the food shortage issue. No one tries to stop three adults from creating Alcia and thus draining the world of its resources. No one actually tries to solve anything. They just kinda fuck around until it’s too late, then they die so that we can feel sad.

— Nana’s video journals continue. She still holds out hope that Licht will return to his old self one day so that she can marry him. Meanwhile, Licht takes 300 years to come to the realization that he needs to strike back against Alcia and the military…

— …but even now, we don’t see him doing that. In the episodes before his buddies got sent back in time, we don’t see him do anything but goof off. They just spent episodes upon episodes to create this depressing backstory for Licht, and said backstory was supposed to provide him with the justification to be the hero who tears down the evil kingdom. But he hasn’t been doing that all!

— Hana eventually accepts that the person who can save Licht isn’t her. So we’re finally back to the present where Hina is still topless.

— So of course, our heroine’s next course of action is to try to get it on with Licht.

— And judging by the next episode preview, there’s gonna be plenty of fanservice. I doubt we’ll get around to taking down Alcia anytime soon.

Wendelin learns that he has to participate in an upcoming tournament. More importantly, magic is forbidden. Oh no, he won’t be overpowered for once!

— But before we get to the tournament, we learn that yet another Baumeister has gotten married. Sadly, this union is only made possible because people want to be related to Wendelin. Love isn’t really all that important to marriage in this society, and these brothers can’t exactly be choosy beggars.

— Yeah, I can’t eat nori plain like this. Hell, I barely enjoy nori with sushi. I don’t like rolls at all. Just gimme nigiri or sashimi.

— At first, the kids aren’t worried, and they shouldn’t be. They’re not even full fledged adventurers. They’re also just 13. Who honestly expects them to make it through the preliminaries? Unfortunately, Brantag decides to make them worry. He suggests that a poor performance might get them kicked out of Wendelin’s party, and the kids actually fall for this. I mean, c’mon, does Well really seem like a dude who would do such a thing? He sure as hell ain’t ditching his waifus.

— This statement from Erwin, however, is a bit much. I still contend that he and the two girls barely know Wendelin. As far as the anime adaptation is concerned, they haven’t even gone on an actual adventure yet!

— Obviously, there’s an easy solution: just talk to Wendelin. You guys claim to be close friends, right? Hell, Iina and Louise intend to marry this dude once they become adults (in two years har har har). So why not just sit the guy down and ask him directly? “Yo, if I don’t make it far into this tournament, are you gonna kick me off the team?” Simple enough, huh? But no one does this. No one. What’s even more maddening is that this is a lesson that they should’ve learned a long time ago. Remember when they wanted to party up with him, but they kept assuming that they had to prove themselves first? And this led them to being attacked by too many wolves, so in the end, Well had to save them? Remember? Communication would’ve solved everything back then, and guess what? Communication would solve everything now! But we can’t have that! That would make too much sense! Party members don’t talk! They just perform interpretive dances and hope that everyone gets on the same page! Twerk if you need a heal.

— At dinner later that night, our hero announces that Elise will be joining the team. This seems long overdue. After all, if would ever actually go on an adventure, they would need a healer.

— Physical training begins, and Wendelin looks like a flopping fish outta water. Should he train his body more even after the tournament is said and done? Probably. You might run into a situation where magic can’t be used in a dungeon. Hey, I saw it in a JRPG once!

— The girls aren’t doing much better either. They can’t exactly cast spells like their future husband, but their combat skills are still bolstered by magic. As a result, pure physical training ends up being rather difficult to for them to get used to.

— Meanwhile, Erwin overtrains to the point where he’s bleeding from his hands. Need I remind you that this kid is only 13. Brantag is such an ass for making these kids fret and worry. There’s a difference between doing your best and pushing so hard that you end up hurting yourself.

— Finally, Erwin decides to just talk to Wendelin. Finally. But unfortunately, Well is asleep so he doesn’t hear Erwin’s initial question. And when he does wake up, he starts talking about how Elise has been secretly training as well in order to not let everyone else down. As a result, Erwin doesn’t end up saying what he needs to say. He just runs off to train some more. Good lord.

— So the day of the tournament arrives, and Wendelin goes out before anyone can even blink. Welp, can’t say I didn’t expect that. C’mon, some child mage isn’t gonna pick up a sword and put up a fight against the commander of the Royal Knights.

— His girls aren’t doing much better either. Louise goes out right before the finals. On the other hand, Iina actually makes it to the finals of the spear division, but she loses to silly spear boy of all people. Iina goes, “You can’t just spin to win!!” Then silly spear boy replies, “Haha, spear goes brrrrr.” Ah, I love that meme.

— Wendelin, however, isn’t even paying attention because he’s fast asleep. He had apparently stayed up all night to make custom bento boxes for each of his party members. On the one hand, what a nice gesture. On the other hand, that’s kind of a stupid move, don’t you think? Oh hey, it’s the night before a tournament where I have to prove myself in combat! Better make myself sleep-deprived!

— Erwin also makes it to the finals of his division, but he ends up injuring one of his arms in a prior round. He’s advised to forfeit the upcoming match against that same commander of the Royal Knights, but of course, he stubbornly refuses. The girls finally realize what’s worrying him, so they tell Erwin to look at his bento box. Aww, how corny.

— Well, it didn’t matter, ’cause Erwin rushes out to the battlefield anyway. He tells the girls that he simply can’t run away from danger, which is… just not true. Sometimes, it’s smart to run. I’d rather live to fight another day than die outta pride. What if he seriously injures his arm and can’t ever fight again? He’d have to leave the party. Who’d be the laughingstock then?

— Erwin loses, so as we all predicted, none of the kids make it out of the preliminaries. But like the title of this post suggests, it was much ado about nothing. Nobody embarrassed themselves. Nobody’s getting kicked off the team. The world goes on. In fact, the kids now have mentors to train under.

— Louise even gets the honor of learning directly from a certain muscle-bound mage.

And just like that, Seijuro is gone again, but we’ll get to that in due time.

— I wonder why Seijuro has such a small presence in the anime series. Is his voice actor busy? Or did the writers just want to focus on the girls and their friendships? Either way, Seijuro in the game is just your bog standard harem lead. As the player, you kinda determine his personality through his dialogue choices, but there’s nothing too out of the ordinary. Hell, you’re even given the option to creep on the girls, i.e. stare too intently at their chests, try to peek on them in the bath (which makes you a criminal), so on and so forth. Luckily, all of those actions are completely optional.

— Sumire tells Seijuro that the team still doesn’t know who’s targeting them, so I guess she’s as blind as the rest of the girls. She also tells him that he’ll need to return to Europe. Apparently, some special mecha got stolen. Speaking of special mechas, I’m at the part in the game where Sakura gets an upgrade. Said upgrade, however, is bizarrely missing from the anime series. Not sure what’s up about that. Maybe it gets destroyed before the game ends or something.

— I also don’t understand why WLOF HQ is such a headache. So these Combat Revues are full of awesome people (except Moscow for some reason), but the people in charge of them are evil and shady? How did that happen?

— Seijuro informs Sumire that there are no existing records of Valery joining the Moscow Combat Revue. Again, they receive an obvious clue as to who is after them. C’mon, guys… put two and two together.

— Meanwhile, the girls are busy doing something very important: giving their beloved captain a home-cooked meal. It was initially Sakura’s idea, but while she’s busy fantasizing about playing the “Good wife, wise mother” role with Seijuro and Klara, the rest of her teammates won’t be denied. This is just par for the course, really. Harems are gonna harem even if Sakura is probably the canon love interest. She’s the childhood friend, after all. I’ll probably pick her when I get to that point in the game. Claris is my least favorite, and Azami may as well be as young as Klara.

— Sakura whips up a couple of Japanese dishes for her captain. I’ve never had nikujaga (a homey beef stew), but it doesn’t look too hard to make. The only ingredient I don’t have in my pantry is the konnyaku noodles, which I’m personally fine without.

— Hatsuho gives Seijuro a huge platter of onigiri. Uh…

— Anastasia makes Greek food. I had no idea she was Greek. Honestly, I never even really cared what her ethnicity was. Either way, I’m not a big fan of fish eggs in general, which is the primary ingredient in taramasalata.

— Claris is apparently from Luxembourg. Again, I never really thought about her ethnicity while playing the game.

— Well, Klara is from Russia, so I guess stroganoff makes sense. Like a lot of people, I prefer stroganoff with egg noodles instead of rice.

— Last but not least, there always has to be one girl who can’t cook, and unfortunately, Azami gets that dubious distinction. In the game, she has a short arc where you wonder if she truly is a ninja. It turns out that she is, but I think it would’ve been better if she had just been an ordinary girl who somehow trained so hard that she developed ninja-esque skills anyway.

— Later that night, Klara gets a front row seat to Seijuro and Sakura’s flirting. I don’t know why those two don’t just become a couple already, but I guess harems gotta harem. We can’t pick a girl no matter what (even though plenty of shows have done it like Shuffle!).

— The next morning, Seijuro and Sakura are gonna spend some time together, and Klara is invited to come along with them. Unfortunately, the rest of the team has nothing better to do, so they’re going to pull out all the stops to try and ruin the “date.” Hell, even the lady who runs the confectionery store is here. I guess they just let all sorts of civilians into the operation room, huh?

— Komachi is the only sensible person in the entire group, but she’s probably just counting the dollars she’s not making due to this distraction.

— The “family” trio were about to hit up an amusement park when Hakushu shows up. She then warns Sakura that they’re being followed (even though she’s probably only here because she followed them as well). From here, you can obviously tell that Itsuki is spying on them. But of course, we’ve already established that Sakura is blind so she can’t tell who it is. Ironically, the trio are being followed by the bad guys.

— Speaking of which, as far as I know, Itsuki is just one crazy fan in the game.

— What follows is just one wild goose chase through the city. Eventually, the trio escape their pursuers by hopping on a boat. The rest of the girls finally realize that Klara is with Seijuro and Sakura, so they accept that it’s not a date. But how did they only notice Klara now? Again, willfully blind…

— I’ll admit that I enjoyed this bit of slapstick comedy. Anything that embarrasses the Moscow Combat Revue is A+ is my book.

— So uh, you guys are just gonna dump all that special equipment on the ground?

— Even though Valery just embarrassed himself, he still tries to act cool. He also claims that it’s time for them to get serious. Ah, just in time for Seijuro to leave.

— Speaking of Seijuro, he and Sakura have a talk about how they’re like a real family… which is also a prominent theme in the game, so it feels like we’re treading old waters. I mean, if this is a sequel, then why bother? After what they’ve gone through in the game, it should already be given that they’re a family. But if you’re retreading this theme for people who might not have played the game, then why make a sequel?

— Seijuro gives Sakura a bell as a parting gift. I’m not well-versed on Japanese gift-giving customs, so I really don’t know what the bell signifies. Judging by Sakura’s reaction, however, I guess it’s meaningful?

— Last but not least, Sumire gets an invitation to Smash.

For once, we get an episode in which the two main characters are nowhere in sight. And unfortunately, it’s a sad one.

— The episode opens with Lyde looking up at the “leaden sky,” thinking to himself that he has no future in Londinium. The Earless suddenly attack, but luckily, he and his friend are saved by Jimi. Of course it’s Jimi. The legendary Player has certainly been around the block.

— When we fast forward to the present, Lyde has ditched the bowl cut and suspenders. Good call.

— Also, Nir’s back! And she has a fat stack of cash! I can’t help but wonder how she got all that money. It wouldn’t surprise me if she got them through unscrupulous means. In any case, her amp needs a tune-up, and Lyde is the man for the job.

— When Nir is taking a look at her newly-repaired Equipment, it almost sounds like a version of Nirvana’s “Lithium” is playing. I don’t listen to much music, but I actually did own the album Nevermind in middle school. What can I say? I was beginning to go through that phase as a teenager.

— Nir decides to take Lyde on a joy ride, so we get a bit of world-building. Londinium is controlled by folks in this tower, and the layout kinda resembles a panopticon. If I had to guess, the government probably used the constant Earless attacks as an excuse to enforce martial law.

— We also get to see Lyde’s best bud Ritchie try over and over to woo some girl to no avail. This mini side story goes nowhere for obvious reasons that we’ll find out later.

— When Lyde gets back to the shop, his boss gets on his case. I mean, I can understand being mad at an employee for leaving the store without a word, but this guy seems to take special pleasure in bullying his workers. Maybe living in this hopeless city made him this way… or maybe he’s just naturally a miserable bastard.

— Nir, however, steps in and defends Lyde. He still gets fired from his job, but he’s not too worked up about it. More importantly, he and his best bud suddenly decide to refer to Nir as “aniki” from here on out. Huh, I wonder if they think she’s a boy just like Echo. Sure, she uses “boku” and her voice is pretty deep for a girl… but I dunno, I still think she looks pretty feminine.

— The boys take Nir back to their home that they share with their adoptive mother. Like a lot of children in Londinium, Lyde and Ritchie were orphaned by the constant Earless attacks. This is why it’s hard to truly empathize with the Mystics’ message of “love and peace.” Sure, they can be all buddy buddy with the Earless on their secluded island, but the rest of the world doesn’t get that luxury. I’m actually very curious to see how this conflict will play out. Who’s truly to blame?

— Anyways, Lyde shows off to Nir what he and his buddy have been working on: an Equipment that had been discarded by the government. In his own words, Lyde wants to “stick it to the people in that tower.” Hey, if you wanna rebel, I guess there’s some poetic justice in using a fascist’s weapon against them. Still, what exactly were they hoping to accomplish before Nir came along? Neither of them are Players. Even if they did manage to repair the Equipment, they can’t pilot it. This eventually changes later in the episode, but Nir is still the catalyst. If she had never shown up, what would they have done? Maybe there’s a group of insurgents that they could’ve donated the Equipment to?

— At the end of the day, Nir still thinks about Echo. I guess one meeting can leave a lasting impression.

— I’m also curious as to why the city seems to be run by a bunch of kids.

— Eventually, the boys do manage to fix up the Equipment, but Nir can barely control it. Why? I’m not really sure. She suddenly remembers the time she tried to commit suicide when riding Echo’s Equipment. Maybe it’s a compatibility thing. Maybe the Equipment is tainted and gives her suicidal thoughts.

— The next thing we see is Nir trying to buy Christmas presents for the boys. She eventually settles on snow globes. That doesn’t really seem like something I’d give to a teenage boy (especially if they think of you as their aniki), but whatever. It’s not like the presents will matter in the long run, because…

— …the Earless are suddenly attacking again! But this time, they’ve congealed into one massive tornado-shaped glob known as a “Queen.” The powers that be quickly jump into action, but their plan involves “scrapping” the West End district. This involves firing lasers at said district, which predictably leads to innocent people dying. This government straight up doesn’t give a shit about its citizens.

— Not only is Lyde outraged by the injustice before his very eyes, he takes Nir’s words to heart. She had told him that they’ll eventually activate their Equipment if they have passion. Welp, ain’t nothing more passionate than righteous anger, so outta nowhere, Lyde becomes a Player.

— Imagine a metal plug just emerging from your body. That’s like body horror, man.

— With his newfound talent, he and Ritchie go straight for the huge mass of Earless. They even manage to blow a gaping hole through it. But here comes the plot twist: at the center of the mass is none other than Jimi and his Equipment… or is it?

— Upon closer inspection, Jimi seems to have undergone quite a makeover. So maybe it isn’t Jimi. Last week, Roz had told the Mu and Echo that Jimi was originally headed for the Mystics’ island when he was intercepted by Londinium forces. Either they gave him a sex change, or they’ve been using his DNA to create clones… and perhaps Mu is one of those clones. She might have been a previous iteration that they ultimately decided to discard. But then again, just throwing a valuable clone away — defective or not — seems kinda careless.

— Someone in the tower says that this attack is just a test run. “Mu” then fire a huge laser at the boys. Unfortunately, what we see next is a funeral for the two boys. We just barely met them and they’re already dead.

— Nir is already prone to depression, so she predictably blames herself for this tragedy. She feels that if she had never met the boys, they never would’ve tried to ride the Equipment. But more importantly, she doesn’t know anything about how Jimi was essentially kidnapped by Londinium, so of course, she assumes that Mu is responsible for killing her friends. I’m sure those two will be clashing in the near future… perhaps even the very next episode.

— What a bummer of an ending. Hell, I don’t think that girl that Ritchie liked even bothered to attend the funeral.

The time has come to finally put this student council election to bed, because we already know what the outcome is gonna be. We just don’t know how the characters get there.

— Yu kicks off the episode by saying that he wants Miyuki to beat Miko decisively. I dunno, doesn’t she always lose decisively? That’s the impression I got from previous episodes.

— Speaking of Miko, she’s a nervous wreck. She does this thing where she writes the character “person” on her hand then swallows it. Apparently, if you put all your worries onto that “person,” you can then swallow your them into your gut and thus… well, not worry. But I dunno, I feel like any act that resembles taking crazy pills cannot be divorced from anxiousness. Just performing the act alone makes you nervous.

— It’s time for the candidates and their supports to deliver their speeches before the entire student body. As a result, Kobachi does her best to paint Miko in a good light, but it becomes readily apparent that these two are a little too clean-cut for politics. Yeah, yeah, in the ideal world, politics should just be about the issues and the candidates’ merits. But that’s just not how society works. Telling a group of bored, self-obsessed teenagers that your best friend is pure and earnest is just not a winning move.

— When Kaguya goes on stage to deliver her speech, the contrast is blinding. She has Ai sitting in the crowd to help sway the students’ opinion. On the side, Chika leads a teacher to an anti-Shirogane section of the crowd. Last but not least, Yu had created a presentation full of tall promises. Miko is akin to that old man who stands outside in a busy street corner and tries to deliver fiery speeches. Meanwhile, Miyuki has a well-oiled political machine.

— You have to wonder, however, if any of these tricks are even necessary. After all, Miko still nervously gobbling up her worries. Then when she finally gets the chance to get on stage, she bottles it. No matter how many times she’s run for student council, she has never managed to conquer her stage fright. If anything, it has gotten worse and worse with each run.

— We thus get Miko’s backstory from Kobachi’s perspective. The girl often finds herself returning to an empty house because her parents have way too many responsibilities to focus on her. Her mom is distributing vaccines in a hot zone, and her father is a judge. Basically, neither of them can’t tear themselves away from their work. Now, I don’t want to be mean or anything, but… look, they might be good people, but they are not good parents. If you can’t focus on your child because your career is too demanding (i.e. your mission in life is too important), then you should never have had the child in the first place. This is blasphemy to some people, though. They think the act of reproduction should just be a given. But why should a poor child have to sacrifice her own happiness for her parents’ sake? It should be the other way around. They brought her into this world. They should sacrifice for her.

— In any case, Miko loves her parents dearly, so she’s not going to blame them. Instead, she blames the fact that the world has too many bad people. I dunno what bad people has to do with having to distribute vaccines in a hot zone, but she’s a child and she desperately needs a scapegoat. This, however, has the side effect of turning Miko into a stickler for rules, which in turn makes her deeply unpopular with her peers. And as they say, the rest is history. Miko can’t speak in front of the student body, because she’s afraid of them. She’s afraid of the disdain in their eyes.

— Yu confesses that he just doesn’t want Miko to be a laughingstock. I guess if Miyuki wins decisively, it means he’s just too good of a candidate rather than, y’know, Miko bombing her own chances.

— So of course, this is when Miyuki’s typical anime boy instincts kick in. Even though Kaguya and the rest of the team had worked so hard to secure this victory, he throws it all away by going on stage to help Miko out. He starts openly challenging her ideas, but at the same time, he’s encouraging her to look away from the crowd and focus on him instead. All of a sudden, Miko’s fiery passion returns. By goading her into debating him, Miyuki essentially allows Miko to present her ideas. The student body are at the edge of their seat, because they get to watch this upstart first year go after the incumbent. Hell, he even makes himself sound arrogant, so he’s kinda playing the bad guy.

— All across the medium, male protagonists usually have only one trick up their sleeve when it comes to solving these problems: by hurting themselves to prop someone else up. Miyuki doesn’t exactly drag himself through the mud to the extreme like say, Hachiman from My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected, but it’s the same basic idea. And I guess I’m just kinda tired of this archetype. I’m tired of these anime boys solving every problem by playing the sacrificial lamb. Rather than look for an ideal solution, I cynically see it as a cheap attempt to curry favor from the audience. Everyone in the story’s gonna hate me, but my dear viewers will love me, right? Again, I acknowledge that Miyuki doesn’t go to the extreme to help Miko out, but I groaned when he started calling her ideas ridiculous.

— In the end, Miko still loses, but she only lost by 40 votes. She’s also gotten some new fans. Kobachi can’t help but burst into tears, because she’s been silently suffering alongside her friend.

— On the other hand, Kaguya’s mental state is apparently linked to physical well-being. She was obviously worried sick about the results. In front of others, she tries to put on a cool air, but as soon as she can be alone with Ai, the facade instantly crumbles. She’s not even this vulnerable around Miyuki. It goes to show that these two have a special bond…

— …which they have to keep hidden from others at all costs.

— Still, a win is a win, so Miyuki quickly turns his attention to building his team. First and foremost, he extends an invitation to both Miko and Kobachi. The latter isn’t really interested, though.

— Naturally, Chika and Yu will return to their old positions, but they were still worried that he’d find replacements anyway. Kinda silly to me, but okay.

— In the school’s infirmary, Kaguya is finally letting out her frustrations. Everyone has insecurities, but it’s different with this girl. She’s like a tightly-wound ball of insecurities, so when the going gets bad, she just explodes. She worries that Miyuki no longer wants her to be his vice president. She feels as though he is taking her for granted as though she’s an abandoned housewife. She fears that he might have found out about all the underhanded tricks she pulled to secure his victory. Deep down, Kaguya doesn’t actually think that she’s a good person, so she’s very scared that Miyuki will finally see her for who she thinks she really is.

— This isn’t the first time that Ai has dealt with this, so she’s just calmly sitting there with a disinterested look on her face. She knows she just has to let Kaguya rant.

— Eventually, the girl gets to the root of her problem: she doesn’t feel special anymore. In her eyes, Miyuki is just a nice guy who helps everyone. Well, that’s the cue for Miyuki to show up and give Kaguya some special treatment. He invites Miko to join the student council, but he won’t grovel at her feet or anything. With Chika and Yu, he just assumes that they’ll serve under him. It’s not even a concern. But with Kaguya, he utters those three special words that every lover wants to hear. They’re basically already a couple; they’re just both too scared to admit it.

— Still, like I said in a previous post, I appreciate the fact that the main couple in this show doesn’t have to deal with any potential love triangles. No one else is gunning for either Miyuki or Kaguya. They pretty much just have each other.

— In the end, as we all predicted, Miko heads to the student council room to accept Miyuki’s offer. All’s well that ends well.

Maybe that’s why she hasn’t noticed that a harem has formed around her.

— Since the cat is out of the bag, we may as well learn a thing or two about who Sophia was in her previous life and how she first met Catarina. We actually learn her previous name (Atsuko). Why is this important? Because for some reason, we don’t get to learn Catarina’s previous name. They’re also hiding the top half of her face. Why? Beats me. I mean, how can Catarina’s previous name and face actually spoil anything?

— In any case, Catarina was just as dumb in her previous life.

— As we already know, our heroine eventually got into a traffic accident and died. Atsuko was obviously devastated, but she also resolved to live her best life: “I’ll carry on in the new world that she gave me.” I thus can’t help but wonder how Atsuko met her fate. Well, that’s even assuming that death is the only way to get isekai’d.

— Back in fantasy land, Sophia wakes up from her “nightmare” and immediately seeks Catarina out. It would be really interesting if she suddenly revealed the content of her “nightmare” to Catarina. I mean, wouldn’t it be nuts if both girls reconnected as former best friends? But of course, we can’t have that. Sophia doesn’t actually remember her “nightmare” all that well. Not only that, Catarina goes, “I’m sure you had a sad dream because you’re nervous about [the upcoming exam].” Wut. Seriously, what does an exam have to do with a sad dream?

— Well, this is just not true.

— Speaking of the upcoming exam, it’s a literal dungeon! Basically, the kids have to navigate a maze full of traps in order to find a “stone inhabited by magical power.” So is there only one stone? Aren’t there multiple teams? How can everyone pass if they’re all hunting for the same stone? Ah, don’t worry about it! It’s not like the plot matters!

— Like always, Geordo and Keith are bickering over Catarina, but she’s blissfully unaware.

— I guess the mean girls are now shifting their focus to Catarina. Haters gotta hate.

— I love how they say it’s “dark and spooky,” but the dungeon has neatly-lit candles in almost every corridor. You also have mechanical buttons in the middle of a stone pathway. Needless to say, Catarina is too dumb not to press the button. Luckily, she has the boys to keep her safe. It’s hard enough to watch over Catarina, but the boys still have the time to fight over her within hearing distance. I mean, she’s literally right next to them, but does she know any better? Hah.

— At some point, an ice barrier impedes the group, but this just gives Geordo the opportunity to look cool. Unfortunately, the animation isn’t so hot (no pun intended), so there’s nothing to see here.

— Elsewhere, Mary and Maria think they’ve stumbled onto the magical stone, but it ends up being a trap as well. What’s with the girls trying their best to screw this up for both teams? Alan gets the chance to play the hero, but it’s kinda pointless. They might be engaged to each other, but they also both like Catarina (Mary a little more than Alan).

— No, no, she’s got a point…

— Catarina’s team eventually comes across a huge pool of water, so it’s Keith’s chance to shine. Every boy gets a shot. Yawn. Of all the candidates, I obviously have to root against the siscon.

— Our heroine keeps triggering traps left and right, so she eventually gets separated from her team. It was bound to happen. Why is she so bad at this? Well, she seems to have the wrong person at the controls.

— Catarina then instantly gets hungry, so she goes right for the obviously poisonous mushrooms. I don’t get it, man. She wasn’t the brightest bulb in previous episodes, but they’re really doubling down hard on her stupidity in this one. Why is she even worried about food in the middle of an exam?

— Some shadowy thing is now stalking Catarina, but this doesn’t get resolved anytime soon. Near the end of the episode, Maria sees the shadow lurking behind Catarina, but she has no answers for us. Oh well. I guess we’ll finally get a subplot that lasts more than a single episode in this series.

— When the harem assembles in order to find Catarina, the Ascart siblings reveal that they can use the power of wind to find her voice. Time for more shoddy special effects!

— Meanwhile, our heroine uses her dumb luck to somehow stumble onto the magical stone. Apparently, it was just lying on the ground. Well, that’s anticlimactic. Not surprisingly, Catarina doesn’t realize what she has in her hands. She’s a little too fixated on those poisonous mushrooms.

— Well, Catarina used up all of her luck, so she’s right back to endangering herself. She ends up being saved by Sophia of all the people to come to her aid. I mean, the Ascart sister is probably the physically weakest out of the entire harem. Nevertheless, beggars can’t be choosers.

— Maybe Sophia now remembers what her dream was all about. Or maybe not. Maybe she just blurted out a feeling without truly understanding the underpinnings behind it.

— In the end, Catarina is saved by a gust of wind. I have to assume that Nicol is responsible for it, but all we get is yet another shadow.

— Look at these idiots. Look at them. The thirst is real.

Well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to see a new transformation. This is anime, after all.

— Now that Clair and Shuichi have officially joined the team, Sayaka reveals everything that she knows about Elena… which is pretty much nothing. What a weak payoff. Basically, Elena used to be really nice, so Sayaka has a hard time believing that Clair’s sister could’ve murdered their parents. Sure, but people can change. People can also lie about their true nature.

— More useless information: Sayaka was attracted to Elena. Yawn.

— Elsewhere, Shuichi confesses to Chihiro that he has killed a person. She can’t believe it; she thinks he’s a gentle soul, so she tries to shift the blame onto Clair. Shuichi, however, insists that it is still his fault. I won’t argue against that, because he’s technically right. If his will had been stronger at the time, he could’ve retaken control of his own body and prevented Hikawa’s death. What I don’t understand, however, is what he thinks they should’ve done instead. Hikawa was going to kill them over a coin. Does Shuichi really think they could’ve talked her out of it? Maybe Clair should’ve been reluctant to kill Hikawa, but I still don’t think it was the wrong move. It was self-defense. What about that goblin dude from a couple episodes ago? Does our hero think Tadanori should’ve spared that guy as well? What would Shuichi had done if Tadanori hadn’t acted? Reason with the guy? C’mon, man.

— Chihiro appears to be even more naive than Shuichi. In last week’s episode, she claimed that she wanted to do anything to stop bad guys from hurting people, but she hasn’t actually accepted the fact that this would require her to confront said bad guys.

–Back at the hideout, Yota, the guy in the suit, tries to hit on Clair. Even when she bluntly rejects him, he doesn’t give up. Clair even goes so far as to say that Shuichi is her other half, but I bet Yota won’t stop trying to flirt with her in future episodes. Meh, he already seems like a boring character. Unfortunately, he’s the only person in the group who can fight. Boy, Clair sure picked some great allies.

— Speaking of Clair’s claim about her and Shuichi being two sides of the same coin… well, I dunno. It’s complicated. Her feelings about Shuichi are crystal clear. If he ever dies, she’ll go down with him. He gives her a reason to live when she had previously given up on life. He also gives her power when she was previously weak. With him, she can be strong without having to make any sacrifices (like everyone else who pays the vending machine alien a visit). On the other hand, the guy is somewhat in denial about his feelings towards Clair. If you’ll recall, Chihiro was going to point something out in last week’s episode when he cut her off. After all, there’s a bit of resentment mixed in there. Clair dragged him into this mess. She also “made” him take a life. Until he squares those things away — and he might never do so — I doubt that he’ll ever describe Clair as his other half. At the moment, he doesn’t even see her as a friend.

— Thanks to Ikeuchi being a voyeur, Clair quickly learns that Chihiro had climbed inside Shuichi. No one, however, can tell her that those two left in order to find Chihiro’s wallet. Really? Nobody really knew what those two were up to? They thought it was just a walk?

— Oh yeah, Ikeuchi has your typical Nice Guy personality. Y’know, they fixate on a girl only because they are attracted to her. But as soon as they’re rejected in some form or fashion, they get nasty. Basically, they’re losers.

— Eventually, Shuichi and Chihiro run into Subaru. Again, the kid has a short fuse, so he instantly summons his parents and murders the duo without any hesitation. It’s interesting how he doesn’t actually transform like everyone else. Instead, his monstrous parents are kinda like Stands from the JoJo series. He still has to get naked, though. Why? Shrug.

— Also, we’re not allowed to see Sayaka and Chihiro’s nipples, but monster mommy nipples are apparently okay to go uncensored. Okay then.

— This looks pretty bad. So does this. But somehow, someway… rage from both Shuichi and Chihiro triggers a fusion between what’s left of their bodies. I love how her dress magically shows up on this new form. In any case, we now get a battle that I don’t care too much about.

— Like I’ve said before, I’m just not excited for these fights with escalating power levels on both sides. We also get oh–so-awesome dialogue like “Huh. Are you a rare like me? I bet I’m rarer than you.”

— Not one gun but two! Akimbo-style!

— Elena eventually shows up to break up the fight. Wouldn’t want them to do any real damage! At least not before the final episode!

— As a result of her appearance, however, Chihiro gets access to memories that even Shuichi can’t recall. I mean, the memories are still there, but he’s blocked from seeing them. Did he repress them somehow? Or is this Elena’s doing as well? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see. All we know for now is that they were (at least) good friends in the past, and they had encountered some black, evil mass. Maybe that black, evil mass is at the root of what Elena is now trying to accomplish.

— The rage-filled Shuichi wants to keep fighting, but Chihiro has regain her senses so she holds him back. See? Now he’s the Clair and she’s the Shuichi. But jokes aside, Chihiro has even shed tears from seeing his memories. But knowing how anime works, she probably won’t exactly explain her thought-process or even what she saw to him anytime soon. At least, I don’t expect it.

— We suddenly cut to the alien, who just had a dream about an encounter with Elena in the past. We don’t learn much of anything new, though. Again, she really wanted to be with a certain someone (probably Shuichi), but she didn’t think it was possible. Eh. Maybe like Clair, her obsession with him was also one-sided, then she did something to make sure that this one-sidedness could never change.

— In the end, what really matters is that the fight is over. For now, Subaru will be a good boy and follow Elena. The brat still has to posture, though. Oooh, what a tough kid. The irony is actually kinda amusing, because he still needs mommy and daddy to do his battles for him.

— Still, we don’t actually see how the fight ended. Why did Shuichi and Chihiro pass out? Did they even have a conversation with Elena?

— Shuichi and Chihiro is somehow magically back to normal. I guess he now has the ability to heal both himself and the person riding inside him? Maybe this only possible if they undergo some sort of fusion? ‘Cause he certainly didn’t heal himself back up when Elena tore off his damn head.

— Speaking of the fusion, I assume he can pull the same trick off with other monsters, but can he do the same with Clair? He might not be able to. Maybe it only works if both parties have special powers. Plus, what would Clair even add to the synthesis of their two bodies? She’s just a normal human. Maybe she can only make him stronger on an emotional level.

— When Clair finally locates Shuichi, she seems shocked to see Chihiro inside the suit. But why? The voyeur showed the girl climbing into Shuichi. This shouldn’t be anything new to Clair.

Ah well, time to start from the top.

— Thanks to Shigure’s meddling, Akito is now here to try and mess things up. “Try” is the operative word. Like the dog, I like to think that things have changed. When kids are raised by abusive parents, they don’t actually know that they’re in an abusive situation. It’s all relative, so their abusive situation is their normal.  But once they get out in the real world and start forming their own relationships, this will open their eyes to how screwed up things are back home. What am I getting at? I feel like the Sohmas never tried to stand up for themselves, because they simply didn’t know any better. But now they do. Tohru is the direct opposite of Akito. Why would these kids seek out the latter’s twisted love when Tohru’s love comes without any strings attached? Sure, for those like Yuki, the trauma runs deep. Just seeing her in person triggers painful memories that paralyze him. But seeing her now will also force him to confront his fears. Does he want to risk losing Tohru? If not, then he better fight back. My only problem is that I don’t really like Yuki, but we’ll get to that later.

— We quickly learn that Hiro’s mom is pregnant. Since all of the Zodiacs have been born, she will just be a normal kid. That means Hiro can’t touch her at all. Welp, time to start breaking that curse.

— Shigure is so slimy. Even if he admits that he’s just teasing Tohru, it’s still skeezy for a grown man to joke about this kinda thing with a teenage girl.

— Along with some watermelon smashing shenanigans, we see that Tohru now feels self-conscious about how often she talks about her mom. She comes to realize that most of the Zodiacs do not have positive relationships with their parents, so she’s afraid that she’s been rubbing her happiness in their faces. Meh, I guess that’s possible. But if she had really gotten on, say, Kyo’s nerves, I’m sure he would’ve screamed at her about it. That boy ain’t subtle.

— While cleaning up, Yuki spots Tohru being all motherly to the younger Sohmas, so he has an odd look on his face. He just wants the same treatment. He wants Tohru to dote and care for him as if he’s her child. That’s why I’m rooting against him. First, I have no special affinity for Kyo; I don’t really like tsundere love interests. Second, I’m admittedly biased against love triangles, so I hate this see-saw between him and Kyo. Oh gosh, who’s gonna win Tohru’s heart?! I rather have one good story about two people falling love than two shitty courtships. Having said that, I also honestly do not think he’s right for her. I just don’t think he has passionate love for her.

— To be fair to Kyo, I also think he just understands her better. He’s the only one who realizes that she has been off ever since yesterday’s mini-conflict with Hiro. He also then talks to her about it. Oh my god, someone solving issues through communication? Snark aside, Kyo manages to get Tohru to start talking about her mother again. I just find it odd that they’re having their conversation right next to the sleeping kids. I guess they’re deep sleepers, but I totally would’ve woken up if I was in that situation.

— How is this even possible?

— Oh no, it’s now Kyo’s turn to have a weird look on his face.

— Oh yeah, Kureno’s here. He’s like Akito’s boy toy, I guess. Kinda pathetic. Though I guess going after a high school girl like Arisa is also pathetic.

— Even the framing here is dramatic. I dunno, it feels like a shot straight out of a cheesy soap opera. Well, I guess Fruits Basket is kinda like a soap opera.

— Eventually, Shigure informs the rest of the Sohmas that Akito is here, so they should go and see her. Just lead them right into the lion’s den, huh? It just feels weird because adults are supposed to protect children. Unfortunately, that’s normal, and I don’t think the Sohmas understand what normality looks like. As a result, Shigure’s plan for breaking the curse involves having the kids have a taste of happiness with Tohru, then let them do their battles for him by seeing Akito. Maybe I don’t understand his intentions well enough, but from my vantage point, he and the rest of the adults just seem like cowards.

— Naturally, Kyo doesn’t have to go. To be more accurate, he can’t go. He’s the cat. I guess it rubs me the wrong way that no one is rebellious enough in the Sohma family. I feel like Kyo should be old enough to say, “I don’t need to be a part of this family! I’ll go make my own family!” But this doesn’t happen. He’s just as scared as the rest of them. Does Akito have magic powers? Actually, don’t spoil it for me. I want my reaction to these juicy plot developments to be as raw as possible, because this series is just ridiculous.

— Kyo tells Tohru that Akito just likes to ridicule others. Her first instinct is to try and cheer him up. I guess that’s one way to do it. I, on the other hand, would have so many follow-up questions. Uh, why is Akito like this? Why doesn’t anyone say anything to her? Why do you guys follow her orders? As an outsider, the curiosity would be too much.

— When Shigure goes to tell Akito that the kids are here, she tells Kureno to leave without seeing anyone. He just follows her orders without any protest. As a result, we see him sitting patiently in a dark room. Like c’mon. Akito then hangs all over Hatori who just sits there and takes it. His facial expression doesn’t even change. Man, these men suck.

— Finally, Akito goes to see the children (and Hatsuharu). She kicks things off by telling them how much she loves them. But like I said, her love must seem so fake now. Before they met Tohru, Akito’s love might have meant something. After all, so many of them have shitty parents, so any affection is better than complete and utter rejection.

— Sadly, I can imagine one problem arising: everyone might continue to kowtow to Akito in order to prevent her from retaliating against Tohru. Maybe that’s what needs to happen. It sucks that Tohru has to be the guinea pig, but Akito might have to hurt Tohru before everyone says enough is enough.

— Towards the end of the episode, Tohru is nervous because none of the Sohmas have returned, so she decides to go check on them. As a result, she runs into Yuki on the beach. As fate would have it, there’s a meteor shower tonight. Yuki seizes the picturesque moment to reveal the thoughts that have been swirling in his head. He reveals that he was that boy from her past. He tells her that their first encounter also happens to be the first time he ever felt needed by anyone. Last but not least, he tells her that she’s dear to him. I guess that’s a love confession? But even though this is the golden opportunity to be romantic — there’s a freaking meteor shower above them! — he doesn’t do anything passionate. Instead, he kisses her on her forehead, then rests his head on one of her shoulders. So again, does he really want a girlfriend? Or does he just want a mommy?

‘Cause 99% of this episode is pure trash.

— At the end of last week’s episode, Hina tries to get it on with Licht, but he now can’t look at her body without puking… rainbows? Either way, he’s technically right. She is a child period.

— And so is Nana, but that won’t stop her from groping the children. Essentially, she’s trying to drown her sorrows in alcohol. I guess I’d be sad too if the guy I love has been ignoring me for the past 300 years. As a quick refresher, she’s been by Licht’s side for centuries, but he only took his mask off when he met Hina. Oh, anime and their love polygons…

— The problem here is that Licht is a huge, fat liar. When given the opportunity, he’ll gladly grope Lynn. Well, she’s just as young, so there’s some other reason preventing him from being all over Hina. She thinks it’s because her boobs might be too small, but nah. After all, weebs have always thought that flat is justice. Plus, she’s not flat anyways. My next guess is that perhaps he now sees Hina as family, but I mean, when has that ever stopped anime before?

— Nevertheless, Hina won’t give up. For once, the pervy ojisan won’t grope the young teenager even though she’s practically throwing her body at him.

— Jail is tired of seeing Nana hide her true feelings, so he punches Licht. That’s how bros talk. Punch first, discuss later. Next, he hands Licht an iPad with Nana’s video journal. Oh man, you’re just gonna expose her like that, huh?

— Licht gets to finally hear Nana’s true feelings, so he apologizes. His excuse is that he didn’t know how to smile, so he just continued to hide his face behind his mask. Uh-huh… sure… but this still doesn’t explain why he took his mask off for Hina. But of course, Nana doesn’t bring that up. She’s just happy to get an apology.

— So happy.

— She even admits to herself that she may have fallen for Jail a bit. God, these girls have shit tastes in men. Whoops, I shouldn’t be rude to Nana. We must respect our elders.

— In the morning, nothing has changed. It’s still more alcohol and fanservice. In fact, the girls have decided to make things even easier for us by getting in their bathing suits. I don’t know why they have bathing suits on hand, but just roll with it.

— By the way, we’re more than halfway through the episode and not a single story development has taken place. But that’s okay, because it’s time to talk about how “fat” Lynn is.

— Ugh, what a disgusting hippo!

— Apparently, 300-year-old obasans can drink gallons of alcohol and still keep a slamming bod. Maybe sending people into the past really burns calories.

— Lynn also forces Sonohara to strip down, but I’m not gonna screencap all the lewd shit. Go watch it yourself.

— Can this end already? Can it? Soon.

— Right before the credits, Hina tries one more time to confront Licht. I seriously thought she was gonna assault him while he was hanging upside down. She lets him go, however, so he finally reveals (wow, a plot development) that he actually knows her mother. Well, there you go.

— Best case scenario is that he was simply close friends with Hina’s mother, so she’s like a niece to him. Worst case scenario is that she’s actually his daughter, but I doubt it. This has been the canon couple from the very first episode. As trashy as most anime series are, even they wouldn’t cross the Usagi Drop line in the sand (YEAH I SAID IT).

— Still, it doesn’t really add up for me. If he knew Hina was all this time, why did he still try and perv on her in previous episodes? Or did he only come to know Hina’s mother after Hina went back in time? Man, time traveling plots are dumb.

Unsurprisingly, it’s not a very good one.

— We actually pay a visit to the ol’ Bauermeister family. They’re still a bunch of hobo farmers, but to make matters worse, Kurt is resentful of his infinitely more successful younger brother. See, if he’d just swallow his pride and simply pretend to be nice to Wendelin, he’d be living lavishly right now. Unfortunately, he played himself.

— Out of nowhere, Kurt is informed that Wendelin has died in some ancient ruins. Dun dun dun!

— When the show cuts to Wendelin, we see that there has been a time skip. Apparently, he’s an adult now. That makes him… what? 15? 16?

— The rest of the gang is all “grown up” too. This means we pretty much just skipped through the whole adventurer school portion of the story.

— Wendelin thinks he’s now free to do what he wants, but the king immediately orders him to explore a dungeon. To add intrigue, we’re told that no other adventurer has returned from said dungeon. See, this is why a lot of recent isekai series have the hero forming their own nation. This way, they are not beholden to anyone. Meanwhile, Wendelin will probably be the king’s lapdog for the foreseeable future.

— Interestingly, Wendelin’s party calls itself The Dragon Busters. I have no clue if they’ve actually killed more dragons since we last saw these kids. I kinda doubt it, though. After all, these kids still act as if they’ve never been on an adventure before.

— Exploring a dungeon in anime pretty much means lots of dark, empty rooms and hallways. Yawn.

— And triggering traps with lame special effects like inverting the characters’ color palette. Oh no, I’m being attacked by Adobe Photoshop.

— Eventually, the party encounters waves and waves of trash mobs. Yup, there’s hardly any enemy variety in this dungeon. You can tell that this game was rushed by the developers.

— Like I said, these guys seem pretty green. Brantag is barking out orders, but they’re essentially nothing more than super basic RPG 101 tips. Really? A healer should heal from the backline? You don’t say!

— Ooh, environmental storytelling. It’s called mise en scene, bahahaha.

— Back in the capital, it turns out that Wendelin and his party have been gone for over five days. As a result, people have started to assume worse. Some are actually happy that a bunch of kids might have potentially lost their lives because the king capriciously decided to explore a dungeon.

— We eventually learn that an evil, scheming dude is responsible for spreading rumors about Wendelin’s death. I would’ve waited a little longer than five days. Just sayin’. When Wendelin returns, he should hold up a newspaper touting his defeat much like Harry Truman.

— Back in the dungeon, the gang are still fighting the same boring mobs. 2/10 game at best.

— Towards the end of the episode, the party encounters a mechanical dragon. They call it a dragon golem, but I know a robot when I see one.

— What ensues is a boring DBZ-esque tug-of-war between the dragon and the mages. The way color has been used in this anime has to be a crime.

— Unfortunately, everyone’s worn out from five days of constant fighting, so even an overpowered dude like Wendelin is about to go down. This is when Elise runs in and kisses him. All of a sudden, his magical beam gets stronger if you know what I mean. Phew! I really thought the hero was gonna bite it in episode eight of a one-cour series! Good thing they pulled it off!

— In the aftermath, we learn that Elise cast a spell that would give Wendelin more “stamina.” It’s called MP, people. Use proper JRPG terminologies! As for the kiss, she didn’t really have to do it. She just did because she didn’t want to die with any regrets. In any other series, I’d be like, “Awwww,” but it’s hard to feel romantic when a dude spreads his love around to like five different girls.

— Good thing this dungeon has a bed.

— So how do we escape from this dungeon? Well, how ’bout a convenient hanger full of airships? And it looks there’s just enough for everyone!