Sword Art Online II Ep. 24 (Finale): Let’s do this quick and dirty

Ughhhh, do I have to? Do I really, really have to? You know what? After two full seasons of Sword Art Online, I think I deserve to pull it back a bit. I think I have written enough words on this accursed series. Hell, I think I’ve written enough to fill a small book! Thank god I have no interest in cover the light novels too! And if you ask my detractors, these posts have apparently gotten generic. Ah well, you can’t win them all. But I need a break. I need to just sit back… and uh… not enjoy the show? Anyway…

Obligatory party scene, people! Anime loves parties!

I-Is that Recon? He’s still around? The answer is apparently yes. And all he’s good for is stalking Leafa. Y’know, just in case you guys need some ideas for your doujins. I sure am glad they dragged out this worthless character just for that!

Oh look, a raid boss! Hey, remember how this is an anime about MMOs? Yeah, me neither.

‘Cause we all know it’s really a harem. Here’s the one thing Leafa is good for.

Sinon’s still alive too? After the past few weeks, who would’ve guessed!

We then see Yuuki kick the Gary Stu’s ass one last time. But c’mon, what is he supposed to do? Lose to a little girl with AIDS? He’s just being nice!

Speaking of wrapping things up, Asuna’s mom shows up one last time, and it’s just to look disappointed. Does she now regret capitulating to Asuna’s childish demands? I sure would!

Nevertheless, the girl gets to go on a vacation with her friends–… Whoa whoa whoa! A vacation in… the real world? You mean there are things in the real world that are worth seeing? You mean a dying patient should probably want to experience other things besides a shining high school life? Word?

But don’t get your hopes up, boys! Here comes the tragedy!

Run, girl, run! Run to that hospital with all your might! Wait, where have I seen this before?

It rhymes. Like poetry.

Uguu, she’s so moe~ The best part is when Asuna’s like, “Yuuki won’t lose, right? Because you’re Zekken! The strongest swordsman!” No, Asuna, no. This is the real world. In other words, she’s gon’die.

Thanks, doc. I wasn’t quite sure what I should do.

Asuna suddenly realizes that they should meet each other in ALO once more. Once more… with feeling! But why? What’s so important?!

Of course! The sword skill! What better way to remember a close friend but by inheriting her sword skill! No, Yuuki doesn’t have anything touching to leave behind like maybe a book that she’s written, a painting that she’s drawn, or whatever. Nah, a sword skill is way more personal than those pieces of junk! And guess what the sword skill is called. That’s right. “Mother’s Rosario.” HEY DATS DA TITLE!!!

And one by one, people who barely even knew Yuuki stops by to pay their respects. Even the Gary Stu to bless her journey across the River Styx.

And by people, I really mean everyone.

But wait, there’s more!

I’m sorry, but they look like fucking gnats in the sky.

Look how solemn everyone is, though. C’mon, this is the internet we’re talking about here. Assholes would troll the fuck out of something this pretentious.

Yuuki and Asuna proceed to share some touching words, but I’m not really paying attention. I’m too busy staring at Asuna’s fucked up head.

Uh, we’ll throw Yuuki a bone, I guess. She sees her dead sister when she gazes at Asuna. How poignant.

A funeral online and a funeral offline. We can’t stop! We won’t stop!

Uh, we end up learning a bit about Miune’s character. Who’s Miune, you wonder? I know, right? Let’s just fast forward a bit…

…until we hit this major revelation…

Fuuuuuuuucking hilarious. Let’s never stop sucking Kayaba’s dick. Even in a story about Asuna’s empowerment or Yuuki’s AIDS-ridden body, it nevertheless comes full circle back to that creepy fucker who decided to trap 10,000 poor souls in a video game, including little children. ‘Cause you see, he and Kirito are really just two halves of the same person. Kirito is who a certain someone wants to be. On the other hand, Kayaba is, well, literally who that certain someone really is. Kayaba created Aincrad and trapped 10,000 people in it, right? Isn’t that kind of like a certain someone creating this story, and “trapping” his characters in these hilariously overwrought scenarios? That’s why we can’t condemn Kayaba’s actions. In fact, we’re supposed to, like, respect the guy! He’s a revolutionary! He’s a genius! He created SAO, people!!!!

Wow, rude! Anyway… I’m officially done with Sword Art Online II. That’s all, folks. Go home. It’s over.