Not a very thought-provoking episode this week, but it’s okay. Not every episode has to be thought-provoking, and there will be plenty of time deal with “what it all means.” That is, if Aldnoah.Zero even means anything. For now, let’s have our thrilling action fare. I gotta admit, though, that of all the shows currently airing this season, the action in Aldnoah.Zero is the most entertaining so far to behold. Plenty of lives are lost this week, but none of it ever feels gratuitous or cheap. Hacked limbs aren’t flying everywhere. The sky isn’t raining gallons upon gallons of blood. This is a war, and yet, the anime has restraint. Remarkable, isn’t it? If those allusions to Imperial Japan in last week’s episode — intentional or not — never actually amount to anything, the anime will still be a worthwhile watch if the action remains this stylish and well choreographed. What’s even better, however, is that our hero continues to take the backseat.

It’s not that I want Inaho to suck or anything like that. But actual character arcs are just so rare nowadays. Often times, when an anime hero appears, he starts to kick ass and take names right from the get-go. Inaho, however, continues to be a spectator in this week’s episode. And because he can’t be anything but a spectator, the burden of responsibility believably weighs upon his shoulders. In other words, I don’t think he’s paying lip service to the idea of heroism when he proclaims at the end of the episode, “Let’s fight. Yuki and the others tried, now it’s our turn.” It’s time for our relatively placid hero to do something about the current situation. What can he do? Who knows, but that’s the beauty of it. We have a character arc that actually starts at the very bottom. Inaho isn’t being handed a super-powered mecha on a silver platter. He’s just a student who will have to figure something out and figure it out quick.

Not only that, Inaho isn’t a straightforward anime protagonist either. Thankfully, he isn’t overly emotional. Nevertheless, most heroes don’t maintain such a straight face when one of their own friends bite the dust. Nothing seems to faze Inaho, though. Not in last week’s episode when he saw the assassination of a princess firsthand, and not in this week’s episode when Okisuke meets his unfortunate end. I’m interested to see why Inaho can stay so calm at least on the surface. This is fiction, after all, so people are not just different for the sake of being different. There’s likely an interesting backstory to why Inaho seems so… emotionally detached even his actions will ultimately speak otherwise as the story unfolds. His character development at least intrigues me for the moment. That’s more than we can say about Slaine right now, who seems to have been put on a backburner for at least this week’s episode. I imagine It’s only a matter of time before he switches sides again, especially when he realizes what had really happened to his precious princess.

Predictably enough, our princess is not dead. Rather, a body double — every other fictional princess seems to have one nowadays — had attended the parade in her place instead. Poor girl. Needless to say, Asseylum’s scrambling to reach the right people and let them know that she’s still alive. I’m sure the girl thinks she can now reverse the tragedy that has already occurred, but it’s too late for that now. Millions of lives across the world have already been lost. Not only that, certain members of the Vers military actually wanted her dead. At the moment, she represents the martyr that has ignited the flames of war: “If we plant our flag at the scene of Her Highness’ tragic death, it will solidify the righteousness of Vers’ cause.” This happens all the time too. War hawks will want to pick a fight, but they can’t get their people to go along with it. All of a sudden, a convenient tragedy occurs. A bombing, an assassination, imaginary weapons of mass destruction — anything — are all, by themselves, enough to enrage the population and “solidify the righteousness of [the nation's] cause.”

I can’t help but imagine that it’s actually a bad idea at the moment for the princess to try and reach out to her empire. With communication lines being so poor at the moment, who can Asseylum really reach? Not her people on Mars without getting her message intercepted, I’m sure, and there’s no way she can trust anyone but Slaine when it comes to the Vers military. Who’s to say certain individuals won’t try to go after the princess if they know she’s still alive? In this week’s episode, Trillram wipes out a group of people who was apparently involved in the princess’s assassination: “We mustn’t have you squeaking at an inopportune time in the future, you see.” So imagine how he would react to the news that the princess’s demise had been greatly exaggerated? If it gets out that the assassination plot was engineered by none other than members of the Vers military, the uproar would be incredible. Heads would roll as the rest of the empire try to suss out who was involved in the conspiracy. Not only that, it’s hard to maintain your air of superiority over the earthlings when it turns out you had to resort to such underhanded tactics to instigate a war.

Right now, the Martian forces are, for all intents and purposes, invincible. Objects literally phase through the enemy Kataphrakts (a reference to the cataphract). What happens to them? They probably just disintegrate into energy or something like that. Still, unlike certain series where one side is grossly overpowered, Aldnoah.Zero avoids being dull and boring. The suspense lies not with whether or not the good guys can currently defeat the bad guys, but whether or not they can even survive. As such, it’s not a chore to watch our heroes attempt to get away from Trillam’s impervious mecha. If there’s anything to complain about, however, it’s that the Earth Alliance soldiers don’t appear to be all that bright. If your first hail of bullets aren’t even scratching the enemy, I doubt “[giving] it all you’ve got” will be the key. Ah well. At least the heroes aren’t 100% safe from death. It’s always easy to surround our heroes in plot armor, and certainly, some of the show’s more important characters probably won’t die (e.g. Yuki and Koichirou) at such an early stage in the game. In all likelihood, however, this is probably the last we’ve seen of Okisuke.

For sure, this episode has set us up for some interesting developments in the future. I’ve already mentioned how I’m looking to see how Inaho can defend his friends against such an overpowered enemy. There are other interesting questions to ponder about, though. For instance, how will our heroes treat Rayet when her involvement in the conspiracy eventually comes out? After all, her hands are stained with the deaths of millions across the world. Hell, how will the girl herself deal with the guilt? It’s easy to run off to Mars, live in the lap of luxury, and convince yourself that you did what needed to be done. It’s easy to turn a blind eye to the horrors of war when you’re literally hundreds of millions of miles away on another planet. She now has to witness firsthand, however, the rotten fruits of her labor. And yet, our heroes have risked their lives to save her. Will she able to look them straight in the face?

Well, I’ve lost faith in Captain Earth, so it’s back to my stream-of-consciousness style blogging that I do for the lesser anime series.

– Akari reads online that a lot of people actually want the meteor to have hit them and wiped them out. Uh, okay.

– I can’t once recall an anime in which the girl tries to storm off only for the guy to wrap his arms around her tight, take her yelling at him, and calm her down by whispering, “I’m sorry…” It just seems so commonplace that if an anime character ever wants to storm off, she’ll storm off and the guy will be left standing there, staring dumbly as his girl disappears into the distance. I suppose there are two ways to go about it. You could give the girl some space and let her do whatever it is that she feels she needs to do. Or you could try to show her a grand gesture that you care too much to let her go. From personal experience, if my girlfriend’s mad, she’ll get even madder if I try to give her some space.

– We cut to Amara and Moco, and they’re even like, “So, uh, what have the rest of the guys we recruited been up to?” Needless to say, they think getting their hands on Setsuna will change anything. It probably will, sadly. By their powers combined, they will become Captain Planet–… nevermind.

– According to Teppei, “The royal family of the Planetary Gears has the special ability to control Orgone energy.” Why is this the first time I’ve heard about some royal family? In fact, if Teppei knows this much about the Planetary Gears, why haven’t we learned more about them? Where did you guys come from? What happened to the rest of you guys? In any case, Hana is like a princess, I guess, because she “was created using elements found within the royal family.”

– Daichi claims, “What’s important now is where Hana went.” But if that’s the case, then why did he allow her to storm off? In fact, it’s rather silly how Globe can lose track of someone so important to their cause: “She’s turned off her communicator, so we have to wait to hear from her.” It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. We don’t have to go back to imprisoning the kids and putting shock collars on them. But at the same time, how could humanity’s only defense against the Planetary Gears just allow such a critical character disappear into the night? The truth is, Captain Earth is just not a very well thought-out anime. People had high hopes when the series started, but the show is just plain dumb.

– Oh hey, it’s Setsuna. Apparently, she’s been busying herself drawing pictures of her pink squirrel. Somehow, people pay her enough money for them that she doesn’t go starving.

– Is Hana dumb or what? She has a magical squirrel. Setsuna has a magical squirrel. Just draw the damn connection. Gee, I wonder who Setsuna could be? A designer child? No way… colored squirrels with supernatural powers are just so common! The only other explanation is that Hana has realized who Setsuna is, but she just doesn’t care. But that’s even worse!

– Hana confesses, “There’s someone I want to be with forever, but I suddenly felt afraid to be with him, so I ran away.” What sucks about this sudden subplot is that it’s nothing new. It’s the same shit Teppei went through. Remember? He wavered between his two worlds, unsure if he would one day betray his friends because he was really a Planetary Gear? And as a result, he withdrew himself from the rest of the group? Lo and behold, Hana is now having the same problem. Uguu, I want to be with you, but my true nature… MY TRUE NATURE. I’m sorry, but this is just boring. Hana doesn’t even get a unique story of her own.

– In fact, everyone in this show is dumb. Kube can’t help but wonder, “What is the relationship between the Orgone energy capsules and the Kiltgangs?” C’mon, man, there’s only one plausible explanation.

– I like how Hana and Setsuna are on the run, but they still can’t get away from Amara and Moco, who are just having a leisurely saunter through the place. Plus it’s weird how nonplussed people are in this universe. You’d think the designer children would turn some heads because they look patently ridiculous with their colored hair and skin-baring get-ups, but nah. After all, these same faceless people don’t seem to be all too bothered by the existence of the two colored squirrels either.

– Somehow, Amara stumbles down the right alleyway to find our two girls anyway. Must be an added benefit of his singularity or whatever.

– Kube tries to confront a super-intelligent AI alone, and sure enough, the super-intelligent AI is several steps ahead of him. You’d also think Kube would’ve checked up on Puck’s emergency shutdown switch on a regular basis and made sure it worked, but uh… guess not.

– Why is Puck laughing? I know he’s a super-intelligent AI, but intelligence does not necessarily imply that he would also have the ability to emote. Are you telling me that Puck has also been given the ability to feel joy? Typically, rogue AIs tend to be super-calculating and efficient, which is what makes them so scary. They don’t have to worry about emotions, so they don’t feel any pity for humanity. They just do what they have calculated to be right. So it’s odd to me that Puck can laugh. It’s not impossible. Hell, it’s not even implausible. But still, the fact that Puck can laugh should be explained, and I’m not sure it will be. Actually, he’s not just laughing; he’s cackling maniacally. This is your AI, folks.

– I guess that’s why Puck had Setsuna’s former caretaker do all that research on body-snatching, but it seems he intends to steal Kube’s body. Of course, we would somehow have to assume that Kube’s brain is capable of housing Puck’s massive intellect, but honestly, Captain Earth doesn’t seem like the type of show to think this shit out. So of course Kube’s brain is an equivalent to Puck’s current hardware.

– So Hana contacts her friends, but the first thing she says is that Pitz’s hurt. I sure do feel for the poor squirrel, but how about telling everyone that Amara’s in hot pursuit of you? Nah, that’s just not an important enough detail.

– Hana still thinks Amara is only after her, so she ditches Setsuna to run off by herself. See, if she had noticed who Setsuna was in the first place, she wouldn’t have made such an erroneous conclusion. But you know how it is. Setsuna was going to awaken eventually. It was just a matter of time before the last designer child of the week concluded its series of exciting stories.

– Elsewhere, Amara and Moco have Setsuna cornered and… well, you can guess what happens next. Good job, Hana! Not only that, we see Puck doing the same damn thing to Kube’s secretary. Puck’s been trying to get Kube to make a move on her all season long, so I guess it isn’t surprising the AI would take things into his own hands. Still, being this super-intelligent AI who probably has had the means to keep tabs on everyone he’s interested in, just exactly how long has Puck been planning to creep on this woman?

– All of a sudden, Daichi makes the move he couldn’t make in last week’s episode. Remember when he tried to kiss her in the middle of the night even though she had been crying? Well gosh, Hana’s distraught because she thought she was being chased. But instead, the bad guys are after her friend instead. Let me use this moment to kiss the girl. It’s not fucking romantic. It’s just ridiculous. This is just stupid. The guy had numerous opportunities to kiss the girl in previous episodes, but he decides to do it now when there are more pressing matters at hand? C’mon.

– The best part is, three kisses in three different locations, and in all three of them, the guy forces himself upon the girl. But it’s okay! Both Hana and Kube’s secretary relent, and Siren wants to be awakened! Therefore, they wanted it!

– Hana asks Daichi if he’s really not bothered by her true identity. Of course he’s not. Gee, all it took was a kiss and a conversation, and we could’ve prevented all this needless drama and worry? Christ.

– But what about Setsuna? Isn’t Hana worried about her friend? Where’s the sense of urgency?

– This blissful moment, however, is quickly interrupted when the bad guys show up! Quick, you guys, get ready for battle!

Um… nevermind.

– Like every princess, Hana gets herself caught. So even though Daichi and Teppei are in their respective mechas, they’re now in dire straits. Meanwhile, Akari runs around on the ground, saying to herself how bad the current situation is. I suppose it would be too much to ask if they could give her anything useful to do. Like I’ve said, she’s the self-proclaimed mahou shoujo, but that only speaks to her actual insecurities. Hana then goes berserk again at the sight of her friends suffering, so she summons forth her own Livlaster, the Blossom. It only took her 15 episodes to go from a spectator to a heroine. Nevertheless, she’s the real mahou shoujo.

– Seeing Hana in action, Amara asks, “That Livlaster is already in ecdysis mode?” Hmm…

Ecdysis is the moulting of the cuticula in many invertebrates. This process of moulting is the defining feature of the clade Ecdysozoa, comprising the arthropods, nematodes, velvet worms, horsehair worms, tardigrades, and Cephalorhyncha.

Uh, okay…

– Hana checks up on her boys, but forget them! Pitz needs to be rushed to the ER!

– Looks like Hana’s mecha will be called the Flare Engine. Earth, Nebula… Flare? If Akari gets one, wanna guess what it’ll be called?

Damn, what a touching, solemn moment. It’d be a shame if we were to ruin it with some comedy hijinks…

Oh, would you look that? Boobs! I guess we simply have another Akame ga Kill! episode on our hands. Well, seeing as how we’re not off to a very hot start, you guys know the drill…

– Leone takes Tatsumi to meet the rest of the Night Raid members, and one of them even goes, “You’re still undecided about joining?” Yeah, why would you not want to become a deadly assassin? It’s so easy! You just take the pointy end and stick it in the other person!

– Right now, Tatsumi’s in a discussion with a blonde with big boobs and a megannekko. Yes, these two ladies are deadly members of Night Raid, a group of assassins hellbent on cleansing the world of corruption. You know you can’t really take the story seriously when this is what the characters look like. Meanwhile, Tatsumi and his nice, plush office attire is looking to join the party…

– Oh goody, a twin-tailed tsunderekko shows up, and she goes, “You don’t seem like you’d be able to fight with us professionals at all…” Yeah, the emphasis is mine.

– Oh, okay:

In case you’re wondering, that’s the Shredder-looking dude from last week’s episode. We then meet Lubbock, who’s attempting to sneak a peek at Leone while she’s bathing. Ah, aren’t these guys just a lovable bunch?

– Next, we meet Akame again. I like how she’s eating from this gigantic bird-thing — and I like how it isn’t just any bird but an EVIL-BIRD — but she can nevertheless find reasonably-sized drumsticks on it. That’s just the magic of Night Raid, y’see. Forget all the “killing the rich and powerful” part. It’s all about the exotic cuisine.

– Last but not least, there’s Najenda, a.k.a. Night Raid’s boss. But despite being Night Raid’s boss, she doesn’t even know who Tatsumi is. Basically, the head assassin has no idea who’s about to join her ranks. That’s… that’s reassuring…

– Tatsumi is essentially trapped. If he doesn’t join Night Raid, he can’t exactly go free either. Isn’t it nice that he got dragged into this whole situation?

– The conversation then goes like this:

How do I know you guys will help places like my village out?

Don’t worry! We’ll just kill the prime minister and install a new government?

Will this be a benevolent government?

Uh, of course!

Oh, okay!

– I like how they still try to have it both ways. Yeah, we’re killing child rapists, murderers, and sadistic torturers… but whoa whoa whoa, we’re dark, evil murderers, okay?! This ain’t justice! THIS IS METAL!!! C’mon… yeah, you may be killing people, but you’re still the good guys. Not only that, you’re only killing the bad guys. Ergo, you guys are upholding justice albeit in a very black-and-white way.

– In the end, Tatsumi isn’t deterred. He joins Night Raid rather enthusiastically too, I must add. As a reward, Akame is free to kill him if he ever becomes a burden. Gee, that’s nice. I mean, if he hadn’t joined them, they would’ve put him to work in some sort of non-combat role… y’know, here at their base of operations. So if it turns out Tatsumi’s a burden in the field, why not just reassign him? NO, WE’RE METAL. WE SHOW NO MERCY. WE KILL YOU IF YOU SUCK. Geez, fine, fine…

– Day after day, Tatsumi finds himself stuck in the kitchen. It’s all part of the training, y’see. Meanwhile, Mine continues to taunt him. Let’s see… if I consider who this anime is supposed to appeal to, then I can only imagine that Mine secretly likes him. Y’know how schoolchildren treat their crushes poorly? Yeah, that’s probably it.

– Let’s just skip ahead to the action. There’s some stupid scene where Tatsumi learns to mask his presence in order to catch tuna, but it’s pretty short and pointless. In any case, Night Raid is now after an oil merchant and some swordsman named Ogre. They’ve been committing crimes and framing innocent people. The client’s fiance got all mixed up in this, so she now requests Night Raid’s assistance.

All of a sudden, however, the anime gets all dark and heavy on us: “She probably sold her body many times to earn this.” It’s not even something Leone’s been told. She just somehow senses it, i.e. we need to ramp up the sense of tragedy in our story, so let’s just say this girl’s a prostitute!

– Our hapless hero pretty much volunteers himself for the job of slaying Ogre even though he’s hardly done any actual combat training.

– On their way to get the job done, we end up learning Akame’s backstory from Leone, but it’s just exposition. So far, this episode has been dreadfully low on action.

– Needless to say, the evil oil merchant goes down easily enough, so we still have no action. But no worries! Tatsumi’s about to slay the Ogre!

– So the fight between our hero and his target is underway, but they fucking talk too much. The Ogre is just going on and on about how he’s going to target Tatsumi’s client. And sure enough, all that talking enrages our hero. As a result, Tatsumi hacks the Ogre’s arms off, then twirls in midair in slow motion as he pontificates on the nature of these evil, evil people. It’s so fucking ridiculous. But hey, hacked limbs and gallons of blood everywhere!

That means that we’re watching a good anime!

– I mean, it’s nice that our hero isn’t a weakling, but man, he doesn’t even need any training. It’s his very first mission ever as an assassin, and he’s all smiles and shit. Naw, y’see, he could only pull it off because he’s been cooking and, uh, catching tuna. The art of assassination is very similar to catching tuna. And, uh, cooking is like… communication and shit even though this was a solo job so there was no one to communicate with… IT HELPED, OKAY?! And when you add all of that up, that’s why Tatsumi was able to kill a battle-hardened veteran without sustaining an injury!

– Anyway, this is a pretty dumb show.

“Oh? But it doesn’t fit with my character.”

I guess the main reason why I’m watching this show is because the main character isn’t a Mary Sue. Sure, she’s pretty, but it’s anime, so everyone is pretty. Still, she’s actually quite flawed in many ways, especially in the character department. In fact, I don’t find her very likeable at the moment. What makes her situation interesting, however, as opposed to all the other unlikeable anime characters in recent memory, is that the show isn’t blind to her flaws. Obviously, it’s her story, so Futaba isn’t going to be judged too harshly. Nevertheless, we’re seeing firsthand that Kou’s criticism from last week’s episode was on-point. Futaba initially refuses an innocent gift from Yuri just because it doesn’t fit her image. That just speaks to her immaturity. Oftentimes, when you watch a shoujo, it’s like, “Why wouldn’t the guy want to get with her? She’s got everything!” So what you end up watching is an awkward love story between two perfect people as they try to navigate the seas of misunderstanding. Here, however, the girl is flawed, the guy’s flawed too — hey, he’s an asshole — and they’ll both have to shape up before any proper romance can begin.

“But everyone puts on nice clothes and makeup to look good for other people, right? So I wonder, what’s the difference between that and me wanting boys to think I’m cute?”

The difference is that Yuri’s not putting on an act even if it seems like she’s saying otherwise. How she acts around her male classmates is no different from how she is now with Futaba. Yuri says she defaults to a cutesy personality when she gets nervous, but that’s probably because that’s just who she is. Anyway, the real problem is obvious enough: people only find Yuri annoying because they’re jealous of the attention she gets. Unfortunately, none of the characters have the bluntness of character to just come out and say it. Instead, Yuri has to dance around the answer in a roundabout way. Not only that, she has to be sickeningly nice about it too: “I don’t mean to say people are wrong for finding me annoying….” I don’t feel as though most shoujo characters are capable of standing up for themselves. If people are unnecessarily bashing you, don’t just take it. Unfortunately, I can’t help but feel as though a certain audience want to identify with this sort of martyrdom. Oh, they hate me, but it’s okay. They’re not wrong! I can take it! I can take the slings and the insults. It’s almost a form of self-pity, and self-pity is always pathetic in my book.

“When I was little, my teacher said, ‘You should get along with your friends.’ At the time, I thought it was right to just pursue that at any cost. But sometimes it doesn’t go well, does it?”

Well, you gotta know who your friends really are. And if your “friends” are the sort of people who would make fun of a girl just because boys pay attention to her, do you really want to be friends with them? Getting along with people is nice and all, but you have to draw the line somewhere. After all, we wouldn’t be friends with Hitler, would we? No, Asumi and Chie aren’t anything like Hitler, but my point still stands. You have to draw the line somewhere. Sure enough, our heroine eventually gets fed up and tries to draw that line. The more her friends bash Yuri, the more she feels as though they’re bashing the old Futaba. Things eventually boil over when she indirectly stands up for herself by defending Yuri. Even so, Futaba tries to take it back. She tries to erase the line, and get back on her friends’ good side. That was such a groan-worthy moment. It’s like, “Way to stand for what you believe in. Futaba still tries to be friends with them at the end of the episode too. Thankfully, she doesn’t take back what she said, though she admits she could’ve said it in a nicer way. Nevertheless, she doesn’t quite face reality until her friends had rejected her for the last time.

I just don’t get this desperation to be friends with people who are so outwardly horrible. I understand that she doesn’t want to be alone, but the school is full of people. Hell, the world is full of people. Surely, she hasn’t met them all. As such, there are plenty of potential friends to look for. Hell, she even admits that Yuri is just like her. So why wouldn’t you try to be her friend? Bam, done, she’s no longer alone. C’mon, man, it’s so easy! Anyway, Futaba remains flawed in my eyes even though this mini-arc has concluded. I don’t feel as though she’s done the right thing. Our heroine even admits she was only standing up for herself.

Stray observations:

– There’s a Tanaka-sensei? Didn’t Mabuchi Kou use to be Tanaka Kou? Are they related? They do kind of look the same…. Not only that, he directly reminds our heroine of the old Kou, so yeah, these two guys are probably related. It must be weird to have a such a close relative as a teacher, though.

– The show introduces two random characters — a girl with long, black hair and a guy with blond hair — and they have no connection whatsoever to our heroine at the moment. It’s always a little silly to me when this occurs in stories. I have no idea who they are or why I shouldn’t even pay attention to them. Nevertheless, the girl is frosty as all hell: “I don’t want to remember anything about my current class.” Christ, is anyone happy in this show?

– Futaba says, “It might be painful for him when I call him Tanaka-kun. But I feel like if I ever call him ‘Mabuchi,’ then the Tanaka-kun I knew really will disappear completely.” Isn’t that a bit selfish?

– Speaking of the world being full of people, I await the day online relationships become so commonplace that these stories can no longer ignore them. What I’m about to talk about is a total aside, and honestly, it’s not even all that relevant to the story of Ao Haru Ride itself, but I feel like mentioning it anyway. In the real world, we’ve already gotten to the point where everyone has online friendships and romances. In fact, it seems like everyone under 30 is glued to some form of social media. Nevertheless, when you watch these shows, you can’t help but feel like you’re caught in a time warp. Somehow, we’ve been transported back to the 90s or whatever, where no one ever spends anytime online or on their phones. Oh, they have phones, and the characters will undoubtedly make a big deal out of “Hurr, let’s exchange contact infos!” Nevertheless, it doesn’t feel like a contemporary story, y’know? You just don’t feel that alone anymore, because we’re so connected to people through social media. I’m not saying that this is a problem for this anime, but I’m awaiting the day when stories will catch up to how things really are.

Is it that time of the season already? Is it time for yet another series of Harem Hill posts? Luckily for me, there only seems to be two shows to write about this season in the strictest sense of the term ‘harem anime.’ I mean, you could argue that something like Sword Art Online is a harem too, but to its credit, it has other things going for it too. When I do a typical Harem Hill post, I just want to focus on shows that are nothing but harems. So anyway, like I’ve said, there only seems to be two shows to focus on this season. Maybe it’s time I bring back the prestigious Crown of Shit Harem. After all, this guy has been ruling for far too long now…

Can anyone dethrone the king?

Let’s meet our candidates. First up, we have Rokujyouma no Shinryakusha!?:

Here, we have a show about a bunch of girls fighting over the harem lead’s apartment. But until they decide who gets this humble abode, they’ll have to live together under one roof. How in the world are the harem lead’s parents okay with this? Well duh, he’s living alone! According to anime, Tokyo’s full of eligible bachelors living by themselves in their own apartments! Can you believe I was told it’d be too expensive to live in the big city by myself? Pfft. I know better. In fact, I know anime. But I digress. Let’s move onto our next candidate.

Meet Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance:

It looks like a delicious show already! All I know is that the anime has something to do with elementalists and their spirits. I don’t really care too know all too much about the show. Rest assured, the story’s meaningless anyway. All that really concerns us are the harem hijinks.

So how is this going to work? I used to give out points for every single time I saw an harem cliche or just anything that was plain stupid. That was too much work, though. As a result, we’ll streamline the process a bit. At the end of every week, we’ll just vote on which of these two shows are worse. Whoever wins the contest by the end of the season wins the whole thing!

Rokujyoma no Shinryakusha!? Ep. 1

Meet our hero, a wholesome harem lead like no other. I think his mother had recently passed away or something. Not only that, his father has to work in far-off places — don’t they all? — so as a result, our harem lead is living on his own. Not only is he living on his own and going to school full time, he also works part-time to ease the burden on his father. Wow, what a guy! Right off the bat, Koutarou tells us that his rent is only 5000 yen a month. 5000. Since most of my readers are from the US, that’s about 50 US dollars. Dude, my internet bill is more than that. We soon find out why it’s so cheap, though. It turns out the place is haaaaaaunteeeeedd~~~~ By who? By a hot anime babe, of course!

Meet Sanae, the reason why the rent is so cheap. She’s been “living” here a long time, so she doesn’t anyone to just move on in. As a result, she’s resorted to cheap poltergeist tricks to drive people away. Unfortunately, her antics don’t appear to work on our wholesome harem lead because he really, really wants to help his father out. And hey, you can’t beat a 5000-yen rent. We don’t know much about Sanae, however, because other girls quickly begin to crash the party all in a single episode.

Meet Yurika, a self-proclaimed mahou shoujo. She’s the clumsy, whiny sort of girl because you need one in every harem. In any case, she tells Koutarou that his apartment is a great source of magical powers. Not only that, other mahou shoujos will want to use all this magical powers for nefarious deeds. Therefore, he should turn his apartment over to her. Koutarou, however, thinks she’s just a cosplayer. Oh dear…

Meet Kurano-Kiriha. Yes, that’s her name. She’s different from us, y’see, ’cause she’s of the mole people. Needless to say, she fulfills the harem’s need for a girl with big tits. At first, she claims that the apartment is a holy site for her people, so she wishes to construct a shrine in its location. In exchange, she would give our harem lead a bunch of gold bars. Koutarou almost considers her offer too, until she stupidly says outloud how she plans to use the “etheric” energy here to stage the mole people’s conquest of the surface world. Whoops. Naturally, our wholesome harem lead reneges on their agreement. Kurano-Kiriha’s best efforts to seduce him with her giant tits were to no avail… for now. In any case, we’ve met a ghost, a mahou shoujo, and a mole person. What could possibly be left?

An alien! Meet Theiamillis. I guess Sanae wasn’t flat-chested enough, so here’s another flat-chested tsunderekko. In any case, she’s here because she needs to earn the loyalty of the subjects at these exact coordinates. It just so happens that these exact coordinates would point to — you guessed it! — Koutarou’s apartment. Unfortunately, he insults her lack of endowment, so she tries to blow up the entire planet. Aye yai yai…

Then there are some minor haremettes. Predictably, Koutarou’s landlady is also a cute anime babe. Not only that, Shizuka is a classmate of his. How exactly does a high school girl manage to make herself a landlady of a bunch of apartments? Who knows, but hey, the place is only 5000 yen a month. Also, after hearing all the ruckus from the girls, she marches into the apartment and beats them all up. Shizuka then makes everyone sign a peace treaty, but you know there won’t be any peace.

Then there’s this girl, the president of some knitting club. Yeah, Koutarou joins a knittling club. I kinda spaced out right around here, so I have no clue why he joined the knitting club. For now, however, Harumi seems normal, and therefore, she is boring.

Last but not least, Koutarou meets this lady in his dreams, then the camera twirls around them as they float in a sea of stars. Cool. But that concludes our first episode of Rokujyoma no Shinryakusha!? In terms of fanservice, there were some heaving breasts and an extended panty shot, but for the most part, the anime was pretty mild. Unless the other show is just as lame. I have the feeling Rokujyoma no Shinryakusha!? won’t be winning this week’s contest.

Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance Ep. 1

Right after the OP, our hero stumbles upon a bathing maiden, but he tells her not to worry: “Don’t be afraid. I’m a normal young boy. I’m not going to do anything. I’m not after little kids.” When the girl insists, however, that she’s actually 16, i.e. the same age as him, he counters with, “…you can’t be sixteen with boobs that small.” Oh harem anime… you’re the same every show, every season, every year. But yeah, that’s our hero Kamito for you. He’s also very special because he’s the only known male elementalist in the entire world. This means his colleagues are all hot anime babes. For example, this flat-chested girl he just enraged…

Have you noticed that her hair is red? Therefore, she commands the power of fire. Anime is very clever. In any case, the hero and the heroine will always have to get off on the wrong foot. This way, they can go through the entirety of the series arguing with each other until one or both of them inexplicably fall in love with the other person. That’s how true love works, y’all. People never just meet and click right off the bat. They have to butt heads, because gosh, the last time a girl liked me was in elementary school. She would throw clumps of dirt at me then run off giggling her head off. As a result, every girl I’ll ever dream of will act the same way~

Anyway, Claire Rouge tries to punish our peeping tom with her whip of flame, but our hero disarms her by pointing out that the girl is barely covering up her unmentionables. Uguu, how hazukashii! She immediately drops her whip, which then lashes at a nearby tree. Of course, the whip cuts cleanly through the tree trunk, and of course, the tree will now fall on the poor girl–… not if Kamito has anything to say about it! Action dive!

Neat. The animation looks like shit already. Like every harem anime ever, however, his hand lands on one of her breasts. But it’s okay, guys! I’ve been told that this trope occurs in real life! Therefore, we should put it in every single anime ever. But now that the main character has introduced himself to the main heroine, let’s move on. After all, our alpha harem lead needs a weapon. He thus follows the girl as she enters a sealed shrine. Y’see, even though she already has a flaming whip at her disposal, the girl wants a sword of her own. Probably penis envy or something. Wait, no, she has other plans for it: “In turn, I will be thine scabbard.” Uh… let’s move on. This sword, however, is a demon sword! As such, it won’t go down without a fight.

Against Kamito’s better advice, Claire insists on taming the demon sword anyway. Wait, what the fuck is this? Pokemon?

No, kitty, no!

I’m sorry, but the cat’s face… it’s too funny. Plus, I don’t think this is what Claire meant when she said she’d be the sword’s scabbard. Anyway, our alpha hero has no choice but to claim the sword for himself even though he’s already got a sword.

Dude, please. You can’t be a sword’s scabbard–… unless… In any case, he saves Claire’s life again. But do you think the girl is grateful? Of course not. Instead, she can’t believe that a man can form contracts with spirits. After all, that’s a shrine maiden’s job! Yo shitlord, check your privilege! Kamito can be a shrine maiden too if he wants! He’s a strong, alpha shrine maiden, and he don’t need no vagina! Nevertheless, Claire also accuses Kamito of stealing her spirit, so in return, she, uh, demands that he becomes her spirit?

Zero no Tsukaima was a shitty series. We don’t need to revisit it. But sure enough, we end up at some academy for elementalists, and Claire has our hero tied up in her whip. Kinky stuff. Now that our hero’s made his way here, he’s not going to let the girl hold him back. So he escapes on his own to go see the headmistress by himself. On his way there, however, he overhears an argument. Yes, he’s supposed to become the academy’s first and only male student ever. And of course, plenty of people aren’t happy about it: “Why must we have a man here, at a place of study for holy shrine princesses?” What? Are you saying that a guy can’t be a shrine princess? Ugh! I can’t even! I can’t even right now! This is triggering me so hard!

Meet, uh, the next girl, I guess. She’s none other than Ellis Fahrenfart, and she’s the one who’s not too happy about the fact that the academy’s about to admit a guy into its student body. Oh boy, another tsunderekko! We met the girl with red hair, so it only makes sense that we now meet the girl with blue hair. That’s basically how variety works in harem anime. You differentiate the girls by their hair colors. You’d think their differences in personality would do the trick, but that’s where you’re wrong. After all, what if the girls were all tsunderekkos? Then how would you tell them apart? By the hair, you fools, the hair! While we’re here, we may as well introduce the headmistress as well.

And of course, she has giant breasts. Why? How else would you be able to tell that she’s a woman and not just a mere shoujo. And we all know every woman north of 18 in Japan has giant breasts. This reminds me of the current debate over Batgirl’s latest redesign. Apparently, the big complaint is that Batgirl no longer looks like a college-aged girl. Rather, she looks like a teenager or something. But let’s be real. The only reason people think this is because we’ve been conditioned to think that all grown women must be curvy as fuck. But I digress… Ellis still wants to flay our hero and turn him into some kind of food dish. Hey, she’s just concerned for her headmistress: “I can’t leave someone like this alone with you.” Of course. All men are potential rapists; I learned this online. But wait, he’s a trans-miko, therefore, he isn’t a shitlord! Augh, I don’t know what to think!

Afterwards, our hero shares a tense conversation with the headmistress. Did I mentioned that her name is Greyworth. Anyway, she’s an evil witch or something, and she has info about Rinslet, whoever that is. I guess it’s Kamito’s first contracted spirit, but she’s gone missing somehow? Greyworth knows of Rinslet’s whereabouts, but she won’t spill her guts to Kamito just yet. He’ll have to join her school if he wants to find out. Why? Because she desperately wants him to win the Blade Dance, whatever that is. And why is it so important to enter the Blade Dance? ‘Cause he has to beat this girl…

…but the anime isn’t clear on why she should be beaten. I guess this is just the harem’s way of creating intrigue. Oh well. Our hero’s now a student in a girls-only academy. And thus the show has begun:

After touring the campus, in which Kamito learns that he’ll be living in a shed next to a stable, Kamito runs into Claire again, but they pretty much just have the same boring exchange as before. Hurr durr, I can see your black panties. Gyaaaa~~~, I wear white panties, baka! Oh no, I’m ruined for marriage. Claire still wants him to be her spirit, but he’s too alpha male to let her play him like that. Therefore, he brings up the fact that a contract between them would have to be sealed with a kiss. Needless to say, she backs down from her initial demands. Kamito then has to introduce himself to his new class, but let’s skip ahead of that boring bullshit and introduce the rest of the girls in quick succession.

First, there’s this blonde chick because what kind of harem would we be if we didn’t have a blonde haremette?

And how can we have a show about a fancy academy without a meido? And with that, the episode is over. Wait, we haven’t even talked about the fact that his demon sword is none other than a silver-haired loli!

How can you end the first episode without introducing every single haremette! God, stick to the protocol, Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance!

Alright, let me know which show you thought was worse.

I skipped M3 – Sono Kuroki Hagane last week, simply because I didn’t feel like covering the show. I don’t think I missed much of anything. When I last left off, Akashi was determined to re-enter the Lightless Realm for… the third time? Fourth? Man, I’ve lost track. Point is, he wanted to go back because his girl Sasame was slowly turning into Necrometal, and he thought that if he can defeat the Corpse (Natsuiri probably planted this suggestion in his mind, then he could save her. As a result, he made her promise not to become a LIM until he came back, blah blah blah. Well, so much for the best laid plans of mice and emos.

So I sit down to watch the twelfth episode, and holy shit, is it full of pointless recaps or what? It really is just obnoxious. Like always, Akashi goes into the Lightless Realm and the rest of team lose contact with him. I mean, this always happens, and yet the characters still act like they’re surprised they can’t transmit their communications into the Lightless Realm. And like always, Akashi runs into the Corpse and they do battle, but man, I don’t even know what the Corpse represents. Okay, I know Akashi thinks that if he can defeat the Corpse, he’ll save his girl. But what does the Corpse represent in the bigger picture? What is this story even about on the bigger picture? Shrug.

Instead, we sit around and discuss the Sasame’s feelings. And while I would normally applause any show for taking the time to develop its characters, M3‘s characters are boring and annoying to listen to. To compound matters, Sasame stands around and thinks back on her previous conversations with her friends — conversations we’ve already seen. Oh, remember all those intimate moments between Akashi and Sasame. Of course you fucking do. It’s not like we have the memory of rat. We actually have the ability to recall things from weeks ago. Shocking, I know. Why did this even get a two-cour treatment when the pacing is so slow, a sloth is running laps around Okada?

Eventually, Akashi takes too long; I think he was in there for two consecutive days before Sasame finally decides to become a LIM. Sorta. I mean, y’know how it is. Oh, the guilt is weighing on her. She doesn’t want Akashi to die for her sake. No doubt, however, that he’s still in there because he wants to kill the Corpse for her sake. Therefore, she’ll become a LIM to protect him! Plus, Minashi helped by giving an emotionally vulnerable girl the tiny, little push that she needed. The weirdo always has that creeply, little half-smile on his face, however, so even though he’s like “Sasame and I are one,” or “I know how she feels,” I can’t help but feel there’s something predatory about him. If Heito was jealous about Emiru and Akashi, I’m sure Minashi didn’t like Sasame getting close to Akashi either.

(By the way, since Akashi has been taking so long, people have to rotate in and out for showers, I guess? So we are treated to one of the grown women moaning orgasmically when it is finally her turn to bathe herself. “What the fuck?” is basically my only reaction to seeing that scene.)

Needless to say, when the Sasame-powered, Minashi-piloted MA-Vess shows up to save Akashi’s ass, he doesn’t take it well. We get even more recaps as Akashi thinks back on his conversations with other people. Ugh. The Sable even shows up out of nowhere to remind you that it still exists. I love how Heito is still just dangling from the Sable’s cockpit, though. Pretty much epitomizes the importance of his character in this dumb show. In any case, Akashi oscillates between utter despair and anger, ultimately ending on berserk. He starts ripping the Corpse apart until — asspull upon asspull — the spirit Sasame shows up now to sing that crappy song.

All of a sudden, metal particles start to disperse from the Lightless Realm. From a distance, I guess it looks like one giant eyeball. What does it all mean? Who knoooooows…. But the whole thing is just stupid. I never really liked Akashi’s character, but man, this is just emotional torture or sadness porn. A better M3 would balance character development and world-building. After all, we have a realm that literally turns people into metal. Unfortunately, the anime seems to take no interest in developing its universe. I feel like I say this every week, but after thirteen fucking episodes, we still don’t have a single clue about the Lightless Realm.

Hey, it’s not like I’m asking for clear answers right from the very start. But have you seen good shows? Have you seen how it’s one big revelation after another that adds to the universe? Here, there are no revelations. What you know about the Lightless Realm now is the same shit you learned in the very first episode. Nothing has progressed in that department. Meanwhile, we’ve sat here and watched people get close to Akashi just to “die.” I mean, they’re LIMs now. Whoopee. They may as well be dead. Ultimately, it’s not enjoyable to watch. It’s just sadness porn. We’re emotionally torturing the main character in lieu of, well, any sort of actual plot progression.

“The police have concluded that this was not an accident, but an act of terror,” says a reporter, “and have announced that they will do everything they can to find the truth.” But what is the truth? Throughout the episode, both the police and the media are determined to discover the identities of the two masked terrorists, but would that really get us closer to the truth? Don’t get me wrong, though. I understand the need to identify and apprehend the two boys before anyone can get hurt. Nevertheless, nowhere do I see an earnest discussion with regards to why this is all happening. Japan has made a lot of enemies outside of its borders, but it is clear that these attacks are not from a foreign threat. Rather, the threat is coming from within; two individuals are lashing back against their own nation. “Why?” thus becomes one of the most important questions that no one seems to be asking. It becomes clear why this week’s episode has such a heavy emphasis on the Greek tragedy of Oedipus Rex.

Oedipus swore that he would find the truth behind King Laius’s death, but one of the play’s many ironies is that he could not see the truth until he had physically blinded himself. In other words, despite being clear-eyed, Oedipus is actually blind to the truth whereas Tiresias, the blind seer, could “see” the world for what it is: “So, you mock my blindness? Let me tell you this. You with your precious eyes, you’re blind to the corruption of your life…” The media in Terror no Resonance, like the media in the real world, is quick to move. As soon as the investigators had made their way to some DNA research facility — they think second bomb is planted here — news stations are immediately at the scene with multiple camera angles: “Is the bomb set by the Bomb Devils really in this building?” But as I’ve said, the irony here is that for all their clear vision, they are no closer to the truth. Instead, the media have been led astray because they are reliant on one of Japan’s many power structures, i.e. the police.

We used to think of journalists as being investigators in their own rights. These days, however, the media has become a show, a circus, a farce. They’re not actively seeking the truth for themselves. Rather, they’ve become complacent; they’ve become leeches. In an ideal world, a journalist would seek to understand why this is all happening. In last week’s post, for instance, we had talked about how one of society’s many sins is turning a blind eye to the abused. The media plays a part in this. The media has a responsibility to shed light on any potential corruption or abuse occurring around them. These two boys are trying to send a message, and someone should try to understand what that message is. It’s clear, however, that the news are not interested in anything but the standard, ratings-grabbing type of reporting. Calling our perpetrators “Bomb Devils” is a perfect example of this. In some twisted way, they’ve glorified the terrorists’ actions. The media is thus blind to the truth.

There other parallels to Oedipus Rex in this week’s episode of Terror in Resonance. For instance, we watch as the investigators lead themselves down the wrong path. The bomb is not at some DNA research facility. Rather, the bomb is within their own “home,” so to speak. It’s almost like how the terrorists are not some exotic, foreign threat, but rather, the terrorists are Japan’s own children. As a result, we have for ourselves a bit of dramatic irony. The similarities, however, don’t end there. Our two boys serve as twisted prophets, giving people a glimpse into where the next attack will occur. The investigators think they have stumbled onto the truth, though. After all, their cursory research into the Sphinx’s riddle have yielded an answer: man! More importantly, the number of legs in the riddle corresponds to some street address! They can thus find the bomb and prevent any more casualties from occurring. But like in Oedipus Rex, there are limits to our free will. And sure enough, the prophecy from our twisted prophets come true when the bomb goes off anyway.

I can’t help but wonder, however, if waking up a slumbering nation is even worth it. I mean, let’s assume the boys are aiming to open Japan’s eyes. The boys have suffered at the hands of their abusers, so now they’re saying to the rest of the nation, “Open your eyes and see the corruption that has festered within your own country!” There are merits to this, I must admit. Nevertheless, a certain scene in this week’s episode gives me pause. At one point, Nine disguises himself as a ramen delivery boy, and plants a bomb deep within the police’s headquarters. You can’t help but think, “Wow, any one of those cops at the station could’ve caught him, but they didn’t. They were too trusting.” But were they really too trusting? Shortly after the “Tokyo subway sarin attack,” I believe the nation went into a bit of a collective shock. People couldn’t believe something so terrible could happen in their own nation. There’s a certain innocence here that has to be admired. Do we really want people to be so cynical that they begin to suspect a ramen delivery boy?

Speaking from personal experience, the incidents of 9/11 changed America for the worse in a lot of respects. Ridiculous security measures, limitless wiretappings, growing mistrust and fear of Muslim-Americans and foreigners, etc. Like in the anime, few people asked why 9/11 happened. Instead, most people were concerned with preventing something like it from happening again. The boys in Terror in Resonance may think they’ll eventually open the nation’s eyes to the truth, but they may very well end up creating a worse situation. They may very well create a nation full of fearful, distrustful people. This is why I found it odd when a lot of viewers referred to Nine and Twelve as potential saviors, especially with regards to Lisa. No matter what these boys have been through at that mysterious institute, terrorism can’t be the answer. As the series progresses, and the boys continue to get away with their crimes, I’m curious to see how the Japanese government will react. It may take extreme measures and overstep its boundaries. If this happens, then the Japanese government will become tyrannical and thus echo yet another theme from Oedipus Rex.

Stray observations:

– The start of this week’s episode evokes some rather stark ground zero-esque imagery:

– I thought Lisa’s mom was way over-the-top, and as a result, her character took me out of the story just a bit.

– Nobody died? None? That’s silly. Like I’ve said elsewhere, I don’t need to see bloodied bodies and severed limbs, but I think it’s ridiculous that nobody died.

– Nine can’t help but ask about Lisa, so Twelve casually asks if Nine is worried about her. I wouldn’t say he’s concerned about her just yet. Yes, she reminds him of the children back at the institute, so as a result, he and Twelve spared her life. It’s clear, however, that they don’t intend to recruit her into their fold since Twelve insists that she is not like them. He even uses the word ‘nakama’ for added effect. As such, I maintain that the two boys are her abusers and not her saviors. They are using fear, after all, to keep her from talking. In a twisted way, however, you could still call them saviors ’cause a lot of abusers see themselves in this light.

– I found it somewhat amusing when one of the characters exclaimed, “This is a direct challenge to the police force!” It’s like he couldn’t believe anyone would dare to do such a thing. It’s clear, however, that most of these investigators are too limited in their perspective to get the job done, i.e. they can’t see the truth even if they tried. On the other hand, Shibasaki represents this wizened veteran who’s willing to think outside the box, which is why he’s being pulled back into the field one last time. Still, why has he been working in the archives department up until now? It must have been some sort of self-imposed “injury” to his career, ’cause otherwise, I think he’d be in some cushier office job. Instead, he gets to perform menial task of… whatever it is that you do in the archives department. Probably cataloguing… lots and lots of cataloguing.

Assuming that Shibasaki has, however, done a number to his own career, is he thus the “blind seer” who will help lead the rest of the investigators to the two boys? Or maybe he’ll lead them to an even bigger truth.

Ghouls find it necessary to wear two masks, a metaphorical one in public, and a physical one in combat. The metaphorical mask is actually a human mask. Every ghoul has a human mask, even the evil, bloodthirsty ones. After all, Nishiki attends the same university as the main character, and he is hardly shy about his murderous proclivities. Ken learns, therefore, that it is necessary for him to perfect his human mask, which is ironic since he used to be 100% human just a short while ago. Hell, he still clings to his humanity desperately: “My mind is human, but my body is ghoul, you could say.” Nevertheless, our protagonist must now relearn what it is like to be human — to eat and pretend to enjoy human food, to attend class as if nothing has happened, to work part-time like any other person his age. He has to fit in seamlessly with human society, or else suffer the consequences: “If we’re suspected for even a moment, we’re done for…” Having said that, however, I like to think that Ken is still human… at least whenever he’s wearing his human mask.

We tend to think of masks in terms of what they symbolize or represent — perhaps even what they are hiding — but there is no symbolism here. The metaphorical human mask is simply that: a human mask. This is because masks have now become “icons and indexes of [our] identity.” Our masks are no longer just a facade. Rather, they completely change who we are when we wear them. When Touka dons her human mask and becomes a 16-year-old high schooler, is she still a ghoul who’s pretending to be a young human girl, or is a young, human girl actually an important, undeniable facet of her character? Before you answer that question, keep in mind that she isn’t merely playing at being a high school student. She actually attends class. She actually studies for tests. She’ll actually graduate when the time comes. It is hard to argue, therefore, that Touka is merely pretending to be a high school student. Rather, she is a high school student, especially whenever she puts on her human mask.

We commonly think, “This is the mask I show people, but I’m truly different on the inside.” Tokyo Ghoul clearly takes a different approach where a mask is actually an extension of our personalities rather than just something that is artificial and fabricated. This can be keenly observed in the exchange between Ken and Uta, a renowned mask-maker for ghouls. He doesn’t simply have his customers pick from a wide range of existing masks. Rather, he asks them personal questions, and their answers will serve as an inspiration for the mask that he’ll create from scratch. So even though this physical mask has a functional role of concealing a ghoul’s physical identity from the anti-ghoul investigators, these masks are nevertheless a reflection of a ghoul’s actual personality. A ghoul’s physical mask is just another facet of the ghoul’s identity. Uta doesn’t craft new faces for his customers; he crafts their faces. Nevertheless, there is another bit of irony at work here. This irony lies in the fact that someone like Mado does not need a mask.

The good ghouls, i.e. the ones that don’t go out and murder people, desperately want to fit in with the rest of human society. But because they are seen as nothing more than ravenous, bloodthirsty monsters — this is a belief that even Ken has had trouble shaking — the good ghouls must don a metaphorical human mask, which — let’s be honest — is just who they want to be. The only differences are that they can’t eat human food, and y’know, the freaky thing with the eyes and tentacle-like appendages. Big deal, right? On the other hand, Mado’s portrayal is hardly subtle. Right down to his very appearance, the story wants you to know that he is cruel and sadistic. Granted, Mado eliminates a lot of murderous ghouls, but he delights in their death. He takes pleasure in spilling their blood. Nevertheless, Mado can walk freely amongst human society because although he doesn’t need to wear any metaphorical human mask, his humanity serves to conceal his true monstrosity. Good ghouls must don a mask to conceal their perceived monstrosity, and yet Mado’s very own humanity allows his monstrosity to go unchecked

Stray observations:

– Touka says she’d kill Hideyoshi if he ever finds that she and Ken are ghouls, but the funny part is that Hideyoshi probably already knows the truth. And like a true bro, he doesn’t really care because he trusts Ken. Otherwise, I’m sure he’d have done something to put Ken out of his misery.

– When Renji takes the main character to go “food shopping,” it’s nice to see that the story doesn’t chicken out. In a lot of like-minded stories, the good monsters distinguish themselves from the bad evil monsters by eating or drinking the blood of wild animals, which is something that has never really sat right with me. I mean, you’re not really a monster if you’re just hunting deers in the woods. After all, our ancestors used to hunt deer among other things, so big fucking deal, y’know? In Tokyo Ghoul, Ken learns that the good ghouls must depend on suicide victims to satisfy their hunger. It’s a far cry from hunting and murdering normal people, but at the same time, there’s still something monstrous about it. The good ghouls are still desecrating a dead body in a way. Suicide victims have family members too, and those family members would probably prefer it if their love ones’ bodies weren’t set upon by vulture-like ghouls even if these ghouls are benevolent in nature. Still, the good ghouls are making the best of their situation.

– Ken can’t help but wonder why Touka would want to be involved with humans so badly. Uta can’t answer his question, but from personal experience, he finds it enjoyable whenever he does get to deal with a human customer. I wonder if this excitement is just this need to feel wanted and accepted. Even if humans ultimately do not realize who or what they are accepting, it must nevertheless feel nice for Toufa to feel as though she belongs somewhere. After all, the ghouls are keenly portrayed as the Other, and this is not reflected in just the fact that they are literally ghouls. When Touka takes Ken to see Uta, they plunge themselves into Tokyo’s seedy underbelly. They enter parts of the big city that the big city itself would like to turn a blind eye to. This is a place where women sell their bodies, where families are broken and full of strife, where alleyways are homes to potential drug deals. Naturally, the ghouls have had to hide themselves on the fringes of society even though it is hardly safer for them to do so.

– It’s odd how female ghouls don’t like being seen when they are eating. We’ve often compared the ghouls’ hunger for human flesh to drug addiction, and there is plenty of evidence to support that angle. Nevertheless, drug use does not have such a strong gender stigma to suggest that girls would want to hide their drug use. As a result, the sex angle is the only angle that would explain why it would be embarrassing for anyone to walk in on Hinami as she is gorging herself with human flesh. And again, I’m not saying that there’s one right answer. Both angles can work in tandem.

– For most of this week’s episode, I wasn’t too fond with Touka’s character. She seemed needlessly abrasive. I realize this is meant to serve as a contrast for when she softens a bit around Ken, especially after she overhears the conversation between him and Hinami, but I still don’t like it. The contrast is too sharp, and as a result, it feels cheap as well.

– I’m struck by how both Yomori and Tsukiyama, a.k.a. the Gourmet, come across as a pair of dandies. They remind me somewhat of the recent Hannibal portrayal in the aptly-named TV show Hannibal. Hannibal, too, is a dandy, i.e. a lover of the finer things in life. For instance, he’s always dressed immaculately in his well-tailored European suits. But not only that, he’s also gourmand and an admirer of the arts. Hannibal is portrayed this way in order to juxtapose a monster against what we would normally consider to be human sophistication. If anything, however, Hannibal’s dandyish displays of opulence represent an outlet for his dark, cannibalistic desires. Anyway, enough about Hannibal.

Basically, what I’m trying to get at is that it’s easy for the saner ghouls like Touka and Yoshimura to fit seamlessly into human society, because other than their need to consume human flesh, the two of them are human in every other way. Yomori and Tsukiyama are truly monsters, and yet, they too must walk amongst the rest of us in broad daylight. Unlike the two aforementioned ghouls, however, Yomori and Tsukiyama do not want to become humans. As a result, their wear masks in the more traditional sense, i.e. their human masks serve to conceal, hide, obfuscate, etc. Nevertheless, their true nature must leak out in some form or fashion, and I can’t help but imagine their dandy-ish nature is the result of that.

– Amon seems far too sane to be taken in by someone like Mado. I wonder if he’ll have a change of heart at some point in the series.

I was afraid it would come to this: Rail Wars! blew its load way too quickly. This week’s story involves some missing person’s case, but it’s not even interesting enough to command an entire episode’s run length. As a result, you’re forced to sit through an incredibly boring first half as the anime introduces yet another haremette to the cast. Yeah, I won’t even bother to recap Mari’s story. All you need to know is that she and the main character used to go to the same school, and now she’s a waitress at that fancy restaurant (but of course, she’s dressed as a meido):

She probably likes Naoto, but who really cares about that, right? After all, I only really started blogging this show for its ridiculous fanservice and equally ridiculous scenarios involving trains. Well, as you can see from the first screenshot in this post, the ridiculous fanservice is still there. I like how Aoi has a revolver on her, but honestly, where on that one-piece-wearing body of hers could she possibly keep it? Not only that, the anime overdoes it with the girls’ crotch areas, don’t you think? But hey, maybe they’re packing a couple of bullet trains too, if you know what I mean. But I digress.

What’s painfully missing from this week’s episode is the crazy scenario to tie this whole farce together. After last week’s bomb defusing nonsense, I had asked where the anime could go from there. I mean, could you get any crazier than our heroes pretending to be a bomb squad? No, no they cannot. In fact, it feels as though we’re about to hit rock bottom. Basically, Mari’s friend goes missing, and… well, that’s about it. There isn’t even an exciting, heart-pumping race against the clock to locate the girl or anything like that. When Mari reports that her friend had gone missing, the very first thing our heroes do is sit down and go through mountains upon mountains of incident reports:

Riveting. The only slightest bit of craziness in this week’s episode is how Mari can determine where her friend had gone missing by simply listening to the background noise on some audio file they had found on the missing girl’s phone. These characters all love trains, but this girl shows her love through her acute sense of hearing. But hey, it’s not even that crazy. I’m sure someone out there loves trains enough that they could pull off the same shenanigan too.

Anyway, our heroes eventually find the girl — no worse for wear, of course — and it turns out drug dealers had kidnapped her. Luckily, all they did was tie her up and leave her in some abandoned storage building. Our heroes and the drug dealers then engage in an all-out melee, become somehow, drug dealers in Japan don’t carry guns on them. But it’s cool, ’cause I’m sure a bunch of kids only a month on the job can beat up some drug dealers. The best part, however, is when Naoto tries to seem all badass in front of his friend by refusing to run away from danger: “I have something I need to do.” He then proceeds to hide behind Aoi in the ensuing fight:

Even though the previews for next week’s episode hint at a potential trip to the beach, there’s a good chance Rail Wars! has blown its load already. Having said that, is there nothing left for us to take solace in? Well… I’m definitely enjoying how much the the Passione has taken a giant, massive dump on the show’s animation quality in just a single episode. Sure, the characters don’t look absolutely deplorable when we view them up-close, but it’s still pretty bad:

When the camera pulls itself back, however, that’s when the animation goes full derp mode:

Even the main characters aren’t spared:

At one point, you can hear Naoto speak, but his face doesn’t even animate! Also, take a look at Sho. In fact, take a look at how he’s studying his menu with a laser sharp focus. Well, that’s how he looks for the entirety of the scene. He doesn’t move an inch nor does he even utter a single word. I think he may have grunted once in response to a question, but other than that, he is practically a lifeless mannequin for like two straight minutes. But hey, give Sho a break! Maybe he just really has no clue what to order! But it’s not even the characters who suffer. The backgrounds too are a wild trip:

In this scene, it looks as though the ceiling is thirty — maybe even forty — feet high. This is just one instance I’ve bothered to point out. That is… if they even bother to swap out the backgrounds. Yes, Rail Wars! can’t even be assed sometimes to animate a new background. Take a look at this scene from early on in the episode:

Now take a look at a similar-looking scene near the end of the episode:

Oops, did I say “a similar-looking scene?” I really meant “the same exact fucking scene.” The backgrounds in both shots are exactly pixel-perfect in comparison to each other. But hey, it’s cool. Japan’s trains are just that punctual, yo. As a result, that train you see in the background would stop at the exact same place each and every single time no matter what day it is! But even if we grant that, the characters look practically the same too. Sure, they’re closer to each other in one shot, but their facial expressions haven’t changed at all. At all. No wait, this is the level of consistency that you can expect from Japan’s hard-working employees. Not only are the trains punctual, the employees won’t even dare change how they talk and move! They’re so good, even their shadows are the same. You want to know the best part, though? In the second shot, Mari is actually telling the main character how much he’s changed since the last time she saw him.

So this entire time, you think some guy has been stealing precious artifacts from museums across Japan. In fact, you have eyewitnesses claiming that he’s the perpetrator. One day, however, the primary suspect shows up in front of you and hands over an unconscious, cleavage-bearing girl. He then claims that she is the suspect. And with that, he disappears into the night. What exactly would you think? How exactly would you react? Had it been me, I’d still try to apprehend the guy to ask him some questions. As a result, I find this scene kind of silly. Oh, you tell me she is the culprit? Well, why didn’t you say so earlier! Here, we’ll just throw her in jail and you can go on your merry, little way. What’s even funnier is that the Black Fist can apparently go invisible, and this is how she has managed to pull off her heists so successfully. So really, there’s little evidence that points to her being the true culprit. Nevertheless, this is how our episode ends. But gosh, I’m getting ahead of myself. I should really talk about how our characters even got here in the first place.

As you’ll recall, the first episode featured a bloody takeover of the country as renegade espers took the Diet and its politicians hostage. Even more renegade espers proceeded to kill innocent civilians just… just because, I guess. It’s one of those “jump right into the middle of a story” moments. As a result, we don’t really understand the bad guys’ motivations. Worst of all, that bloody takeover will have no resolution for… gosh, I dunno… potentially the rest of the season, if you think about it. In this week’s episode, the story pulls it all the way back to the very beginning of the story. Remember the white-haired shoujo that everyone was clamoring for in the first episode? Well, we’re now just getting her origin story. I find it interesting, though, that in a lot of Western superhero narratives, the superhero’s origin story is unique; it sets him or her apart from everyone else. In Tokyo ESP, Rinka’s origin story is, however, nothing special. Of course, it’s special in that she saw some fucking glowing fish, and they gave her powers. In that particular regard, it’s pretty special. But it’s not special in another crucial way.

The thing is, everyone gets their superpowers in much the same way. Even Rinka’s dad gets special powers from the glowing fishes. And others will awaken to their powers in this way too since the school of supernatural fishes are still out there, floating around the city. So it’s not so much an origin story for Rinka, but an origin story for a small group of people in Japan — people who were or still are lucky enough to encounter the school of glowing fishes. No matter what superhero story you’re taking in, however, there’s that familiar lesson to learn: “With great power comes great responsibility.” Wait a minute, that’s Uncle Ben from Spiderman! No, no, I mean the other quote about responsibility: “Gaining power means gaining that much more responsibility.” Hm, Kyotaro’s version does not sound quite as poetic, but I guess Uncle Ben always had a way with words. It’s actually kind of funny, actually, how often you hear this line. It’s funnier when they try to say it in a roundabout manner so as to not seem too familiar: “You are a lot like your father. … He believed that if you could do good things for other people, you had a moral obligation to do those things! That’s what’s at stake here. Not choice. Responsibility.” Give it up, you guys, for, well, Uncle Ben again, but this time, the quote is from The Amazing Spiderman.

Anyway, it’s a pretty fast-paced and eventful episode. The girl gets her powers, then she immediately calls her dad for help. But her dad has special powers too — a fact that he’s blissfully unaware of — and he goes berserk with them. He doesn’t realize he’s become a giant wrecking ball because he’s just too busy looking for his girl. As a result, Rinka has to use her special powers to knock him out. Normally, that would be the resolution for most episodes, but wait, there’s more! After all, this story isn’t just about Rinka. It’s about Kyotaro too. It’s a bit weird how he keeps following our heroine. Yes, I know he has the magical ability of teleportation. As a result, it’s always convenient how he keeps showing up. But still, he keeps checking up on her. And since he’s still a stranger to her, it’s just a bit weird. Nevertheless, the second half of the episode fleshes his role out a bit more. At the moment, Rinka’s out of her element, so she needs someone to guide her for the time being. Therefore, we get this heist sub-plot where we get a glimpse of Kyotaro’s character: “I am Crow Head, a hero of justice in this age!”

In a lot of ways, the second episode isn’t all that different from the first episode. Granted, there’s a bit more focus this time around. After all, the story finally centers itself on a pair of important characters rather than jumping to and fro, introducing a whole mess of people — so many that I can’t possibly recall after the fact. So there’s that improvement. Both episodes, however, move fairly briskly through the story, never taking the time to pause and and really take stock. For instance, Rinka hears about the Black Fist once, and she immediately sets out later that night to apprehend the jewel thief just because the criminal might be Kyotaro. I mean, I get why she does it: “If Azuma-san is the culprit, I have to catch him first. It’d be bad if he spoke about Dad and me to the police!” I just find it somewhat hard to believe that someone who had been a normal schoolgirl up until this point would suddenly put herself in so much danger in just a 24-hour time span. Like what is her mindset even like? The story moves so fast, she doesn’t even get the chance to sit down and think.

In any case, Tokyo ESP doesn’t feel like a story that will really explore these characters’ mindsets if the first two episodes are anything to go by. Rather, it’s more evocative of a traditional tale about superheroes. There will be some pulpy action, and that will keep things from getting too boring, but the story probably won’t be all that special. I get the feeling that I just won’t have a strong connection to any of the characters.

Yay, it’s Saturday again! So you know what that means! That’s right! We’ll be spending time with our favorite SAO characters as they proceed to spend time in the… uh… real world…

– I like how Sinon’s name in real life is just, well, Shino. Once again, SAO claims to love MMOs, and yet, it hardly tries to emulate MMOs. Kirito is merely Kazuto, and Asuna is literally Asuna. No one ever gives themselves a new, exotic name. Nope, that’s not what MMOs are for.

– So what’s going on? A girl, another classmate of Shino, has sent her lackeys to retrieve Shino. No, really, her lackeys. What for? Well, for money, of course. They need money for a karaoke bar. Now, why would Sinon allow herself to be put into this situation? Why wouldn’t she just say, “Yo, fuck off.” Well, duh, obviously the lackeys, despite being just high school students themselves, have strong-armed our heroine into coming along with them. High school girls are very scary, you see, and if they tell you to follow them, you follow them, no ifs and/or buts!

– The bully merely turns one of her hands into the shape of a gun, and this is, uh, enough to make Sinon’s knees buckle. Y’know, when I had read somewhere that Sinon had a complex about guns in real life, I was like, “Eh. I guess….” But I never realized it was this lame. I never realized the girl would literally piss herself scared over a hand shaped as a gun. But leave it to SAO to blow my expectations out of the water. But hey, this makes it even dumber that the girl would allow herself to be taken down a dark alley. That’s high school girls for you, though. They can be very persuasive…

“Hey, come ooooooooooooooon, come down this dark alley with us.”

“No.”

“We’ll be your friends.”

“No.”

“God, you’re so mean!”

“No.”

– In any case, Sinon would’ve given up all she had if someone had not come by and save her. This is just pathetic. I can sympathize with victims of bullying in most cases, but this was really pathetic.

– Who does she get saved by? I don’t know. Some random dude we’ve never met before. Well, if we have, I certainly don’t remember him. Kinda odd that he just happens to be nearby as she is getting bullied. I wonder if he’s going to get some kind of stalker subplot.

– Afterwards, Sinon proceeds to play GGO–… wait, no, she’s having coffee with the guy who saved her. In real life. I…I was told there’d be MMO fun in this series…

– Oh, what a big surprise. This guy plays GGO too, and he knows all about the girl’s latest exploits. Staaaaaaalker. Psst, he wants to steal your e-panties, install a smell plug-in, and go to town with them. Knowing this anime, if e-panties did actually exist, they’d probably force you to scan your real life panties just to ensure you wear the exact, correct panties in the virtual world too. But of course, Kirito would get special, crotchless ones.

– I like how the Behemoth guy from last week has no ranking, because the type of character he plays does really poorly in 1 vs. 1 battles. Okay, sure, but most robust PVP games nowadays have multiple game modes and thus a ranking for each respective game mode. 1 vs. 1? How ’bout 3 vs. 3? 6 vs. 6? If Behemoth was as fearsome in a group setting as he is said to be, then he’d be highly ranked in some form or fashion.

– Sinon aims to be the top PVPer in GGO! Surely, if she can do this, she will get over her fear of real guns. Wait, no, it’s not even that. She’s afraid of anything in real life that might even resemble a gun. Hell, it doesn’t even have to resemble a gun all that well! GGO could be the most lifelike MMO you have ever fucking seen, but the fake, e-rifle in Sinon’s hands won’t bother her one bit. Meanwhile, someone can make a shitty facsimile of a gun from one of their hands alone and it’ll be enough to make the girl want to puke. That makes sense. A kid could point a twig at her and she’d probably flip her shit. What’s even funnier is how she intends to overcome her problems. Merely handling virtual guns won’t do shit! You have to win with them, then magically, your phobia will go away because… because I said so. The logic checks out, folks! Just trust me on this!

– This Shinkawa guy whines that Sinon has left him in the dust even though he was the one to introduce her to the game. I wonder how that conversation played out: “Yo, I know you have a fear of guns, but how do you feel about strapping a virtual reality device to your head, and literally have thousands upon thousands of people per server appear to shoot at you with their giant guns?” In any case, Shinkawa goes on to whine that agility-type players like himself can’t go very far without a better gun. Boy, for a game with a thriving e-sports community, GGO sure does suck. You can’t even compete unless you get some rare drop from a dungeon. In other words, you can’t compete at the highest levels of PvP unless you grind the PvE aspect of the universe. That’s just plain stupid.

– Yep, it looks like this guy likes Sinon. Don’t worry, our Gary Stu will steal her away. Then of course, the bad guys will attempt to steal her too. Didn’t you watch the ALO arc? It’s just one big netorare fest! After all, the worst thing you can do to a man is to steal his woman and sully her purity! Sully!

– Afterwards, Sinon plays some GGO–… oh, I’m sorry, what I really mean to say is, “The girl comes home to an empty apartment, strips for us, stares at her desk, so on and so forth.” Yay, what an exciting anime about virtual worlds!

– I’m now watching the girl stroke a toy gun. Holy shit, she is stroking a fucking toy gun and I’m watching it. SAO II: SAO Harder!

– Afterwards, she drops the toy gun to go play some GG–… fuck, it’s a flashback scene about her complex. Jesus Christ, man. The problem is, the flashback doesn’t really add anything to the story. I don’t actually gain any deeper insight into Sinon’s character. No, really, I don’t. I already knew she was afraid of guns. How does it add any depth to her character at all to learn that she had specifically shot a robber in the past in order to protect her mom? It doesn’t. These are just empty details — like empty calories — for the audience to gorge themselves upon.

– The best part of the flashback was when younger Sinon knocked the gun out of the robber’s hands, and they proceeded to tussle over it for a short while before she ended up pulling the trigger. Meanwhile, all the adults were just like… “Let’s see how this plays out.” Then afterwards, the girl got multiple shots off… and you still don’t see anyone else in the room react!

– What was her mother doing this entire time? Just playing possom, I guess:

– Then instead of cradling her daughter and comforting her, the mom stareed at Sinon in shock. First, the adults did nothing, especially when the girl had to wrestle with the robber by herself. Then, the mom was completely, and utterly useless afterwards. I’m not saying that the mother’s behavior was unrealistic. I’m just saying that the whole thing felt so contrived in order to maximize the audience’s pity. If the writer could just pull it back a bit — a teensy, tiny bit — then I doubt I would’ve said anything. For example, let’s say the mother instantly rushed to Sinon’s side and told her that everything was going to be okay. Would that have really made the scene any worse? No, of course not. If anything, this would make the scene seem a lot less forced.

– I could say the blood that seeps towards the girl’s legs is overt symbolism for menstruation, i.e. this is the exact moment in time that she lost her childlike innocence, but meh… it’s SAO.

– I laughed:

Especially at the voice-acting too. Top notch work, lady.

– I’m not saying either that Sinon’s fear of guns is unrealistic. I just don’t buy the idea that the girl can stomach hyper-realistic gunfire in an MMO, and yet a hand shaped into a gun is enough to make the girl want to puke in real life. We talk about simulation and simulacra. Kirito even talks about how the only thing that separates MMOs from real life is the amount of information. Even so, there’s no fucking comparison between video game violence and a hand made to look like a gun. C’mon.

– After her little panic attack, Sinon collapses onto her bed and mutters, “Save me. Someone, save me.” The anime proceeds to cut straight to Kirito riding his motorcycle like a badass. Heh, don’t worry, baby. This Gary Stu’s comin’ to save ya! Hey, why even bother being subtle about it? It’s a Gary Stu world out there, folks!

– We see a flashback in which Kirito discusses some of his plans with the love of his life. He conveniently omits the part where he could, y’know, die. Apparently, he has to quit ALO in order to play GGO. No, really, he has to. Well, he could make a new account for GGO, but instead, he’ll go through some “reconverting” shit instead. I take it this means Kirito will transfer his ALO character over to GGO and thus retain his stats or something? What kind of fucking MMO is that, though? This literally never happens because MMO developers want you to spend as much time as possible playing their game. So of course, they would rather you just make a new account and start over from scratch. As a result, this scene is stupid. Plus, if Kirito’s working for an official government agency, why don’t they just supply him with a tricked out account? Surely, you can buy MMO accounts in this universe, right? I’ve been told that your character is tied to your real world ID or something, but I repeat, Kirito works for an official government agency. Can’t they just fucking make some shit up? No, of course not.

– But hey, we finally got a scene from within an MMO in this anime called Sword Art Online. It just took the episode fifteen minutes to do so. Not only that, it just so happens that this scene is yet another goddamn conversation between the show’s characters…

– But back to the real world — aw, already? — Kirito gets to his destination where he finds a hot, young nurse. And of course, the hot, young nurse walks right up to him and starts groping his ass:

Yep, chick magnet online, chick magnet in real life too. After all, who could resist such a chiseled physique:

– So finally, nineteen minutes into the third episode of the sequel, the main character finally enters GGO–… aaaaaand now we’re back to Sinon in the real world.

– Wait, come back! Where are you all going! I swear there will be MMO action later. I swear! Will… will this make up for it in the meantime?

Why is she naked? Uh… well, why not?

– Sinon thinks to herself, “Ever since the incident at the post office,* just seeing a picture or a video of a gun was enough to send me into a situational panic attack.” And yet a virtual reality featuring guns, guns, and more guns… Obviously, she’s using GGO to get over her fear of guns. But we’re talking about simulation and simulacra, right? So why is GGO somehow less scary and less traumatic than a hand made to look like a gun? “But strangely,” Sinon says, “when I’m Sinon in the game, holding a gun or seeing one pointed at me doesn’t trigger an attack.” But why? Merely saying that it doesn’t isn’t enough. You have to explain why. Otherwise, it’s just stupid how a person’s hand shaped into a gun can make the girl want to puke. I’d understand if she was still afraid of a real gun, but a hand shaped into a gun doesn’t even come close.

*Holy shit, the robber tried to rob a post office of all places.

– Alright, the scene with Sinon is over. Surely, we’ll now see either Kirito or Sinon in GGO, doing the cool shit that you would do in an MMO, right? Right? Nope. Instead, I get to watch as a bunch of static images talk to each other. We then see the bad guy open up an image of Sinon, then proceed to stroke his computer monitor. And just like that, the episode is over. In this week’s episode, we’ve probably spent less than three whole minutes in an online setting. Christ…

– Bad guy looks like the Shinkawa dude, though. Again, subtlety has never been an SAO‘s strong point.

Hey, hey… Tatsuya would never let his boys go into a fight unprepared, right? That’s why Leo and Mikihiko will have to put on their robes and wizard hats. And with that, welcome back to another installment of The Gary Stu at Pandering High School.

– “They’ll operate under the same theory as Engraving Magic via an Anci–…” Aaaaaand I’m gone.

– So our Crimson Prince has an advantage in the open field. But wait! Tatsuya will have an advantage in close quarters combat! Unfortunately, actual brawling is not allowed, so Tatsuya will somehow have to fight the guy without, uh, laying a finger on the guy. It’s like a delightful, little chess match… a very boring chess match between two queens.

– Tatsuya confesses to himself, “No, even if Ichijo Masaki were my only opponent, at this moment I can’t say with confidence that I’d beat him.” Oh, I see what you’re doing there, trying to create tension and all that jazz. That’s cute. After 15 straight episodes of pure, concentrated Gary Stu goodness, however, do you honestly think you can pull the wool over our eyes? Not only that, think about how Masaki’s character would have normally developed in any other story. You’d actually see examples of his greatness, huh? You’d actually see him own people left and right for multiple episodes.

Usually, you’d have a build-up to the big, bad boss, and this would leave the audience waiting in anticipation for the final battle. Not in Mahouka, though. I’ve spent most of this current arc watching a bunch of nobody girls “win” a slew of incredibly boring matches, then at the very last second, the Crimson Prince suddenly emerges as a threat. Sorry, but that’s not how storytelling works. If you want to write shitty fanfiction, knock yourself out, but at this level, I expect something a little more competent.

– Miyuki drops by to kiss her brother’s ass some more. What’s that? Tell you something you don’t know? Sorry, but that’s how it goes with this anime.

– Naturally, Tatsuya doesn’t have to wear the dorky robes he had given his friends. But honestly, they look a little lame, but nothing that would make me bust a gut, y’know? Nevertheless, Erika can’t help but laugh so hard that she cries. It just feels really forced and awkward. The author really wants you to think this is funny, but it’s just, well, not.

– See, this is why your parents tell you not to wear that ratty trench coat all the time. You’re not edgy or cool. You just fucking stink, dude:

– Remember the chairman with no whites in his eyes? Well, he’s in attendance, but nevertheless, a bunch of attendants walk up to him and ask, “What brings you to a place like this?” He’s here to watch? It’s the finals of one of the biggest events in the competition? Even assuming that he doesn’t know anything about Tatsuya — but he does — wouldn’t he be interested in seeing the Crimson Prince and Curious George in action? Seriously, what is this question? Everything about this anime is just stupid.

– The match begins and… and… they’re walking slowly towards each other as they make or shoot at concentric circles in the sky. Seriously. Look how pumped Tatsuya is for the biggest battle of his young high school career:

– On one side of the battlefield!!!

But then on the other side of the battlefield!!!

I can’t help but feel…!!!

– But guys, people are cheering. They are watching this tense, exciting battle and cheering. Look!

See? It’s exciting! There’s so much energy in the air, we can’t even animate it. We’ll just blur the picture like this… and then shake it like so…

– The anime has the gall — the fucking gall — to cut to Tatsuya’s classmates, and have one of them mutter, “How incredibly bold…” No, wait, let the man explain himself: “Under all that pressure…”

What fucking pressure! …ahem. Please, do go on.

“…to be able to churn out those spells with such accuracy.” Those spells? These spells?

Yeah, would you just look at them?

– Christ, it just keeps going. More concentric circles. More slow motion walking. More stoic expressions. More passionless combat. A comatose patient has more signs of life than this “epic” final between the two top schools in the nation.

– What’s sad is that Tatsuya can’t even lose. The only question is how much of his true power can he hold back and still win. That’s… that’s just a Gary Stu for you. I mean, what can I say? We’re not wondering whether or not he can lose, and that’s so dumb.

– As if the show wasn’t already exciting enough, we cut to two people in the audience as they proceed to talk about the match. Exciting. So exciting.

– I know Madhouse is better than this. I know Madhouse can make some really cool-looking shit. And yet, this episode is full of nothing but action lines…

…more action lines…

…more!

They come in every which direction. Radial around the center of the image! Diagonally across the screen. Horizontally across the screen. Why, I’ve never seen so many creative uses of action lines before!

– Now they’re coming from the ground!

Ruuuuuun!

– Aw, Masaki isn’t a bad guy, just a rival. At one point, he thinks he had screwed up and as a result, his spells will kill our Gary Stu. Silly Crimson Prince. Don’t you know Tatsuya is invincible? Tatsuya proceeds to twirl like a ballerina and shoot all the concentric circles down:

That’s mah boy! You show those circles who’s boss!

– When Tatsuya manages to get hit by a single spell, there are even action lines when his haremettes gasp in shock:

They’re just so concerned, yo!

– But it’s okay, because our robot immediately reboots himself. And thanks to his solid state drive, he’s back in action in no time! You just, uh, have to endure Tatsuya going all Ken doll on us.

– When Tatsuya comes back to reality, he suddenly snaps his fingers next to Masaki’s ears, which causes — you guessed it! — action lines to appear:

AAAAAACTION LIIIIIIIIINESS!!!

WHOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOOOOAAAA!

– After the dust settles, Masaki falls to the ground. So, uh, what the hell just happened? Well, our Gary Stu knocked his opponent out with a massive sound wave, duh. Tatsuya probably planned this all along, too. Masaki is superior in combat, they said. Well, let’s see how superior he’ll be when he lets his guard down because he thinks he had used excessive force. In any case, what an exciting finish to the match, huh? Wait, wait, it’s not over just yet!

– Meanwhile, Mayumi is freaking out about the fact that Tatsuya somehow managed to recover himself from certain death. Baby, baby… I’m the Gary Stu. C’mon, have some faith.

– Another scene of those two idiots sitting in the stands, talking about Tatsuya. Very exciting. Look at this organic expository dialogue, though: “He’s a valuable asset, one of only two in this country… and one of a rumored fifty or so in the world, after all.” Thanks, lady. I had no clue how special our Ubermensch was, but those figures really helped. Even with the adults, however, you can see how the lady is concerned for Tatsuya’s well-being. Meanwhile, the guy doesn’t think a few experiments could hurt our Gary Stu. The girls love him, the guys hate him, meet the Gary Stu that can seduce any woman but his own aunt (and probably even her too if he really wanted to)!

– Tatsuya has a weakness! He’s slow with spells that have long Activation Sequences. But then he doesn’t have a weakness! After all, he can just use Flash Cast! Yay, Gary Stu!

– By the way, this scene started two minutes ago. We’re basically just killing time with these two talking heads. Fantastic.

– Eventually, we do return to the match at hand, but Boy Georgio is the only meaningful opponent still standing. I mean, there’s the third guy, but we don’t even know his name…

– Somehow, Mikihiko takes out Boy George, then Leo sneaks in to knock out the last guy… aaaaand they win. That’s it. No exciting conclusion. Yes, our Crimson Prince literally bit the dust minutes ago, and the match comes to an end when the third guy — the nobody, mind you — gets taken out without any fanfare. That’s Mahouka for you.

– Gee, I dunno, maybe you should look a little closer at those giant, block letters:

– In the aftermath, Tatsuya’s hearing has become impaired, but of course, the guy knows how to read lips too. He then looks up to his doting sister, and the episode comes to a nice, little incestuous end.

Awwww.

– That concludes this arc, though, right? Wait, what about those evil gangsters who had tried to rig this whole competition? Oh god, don’t tell me there’s more of this shit to watch. After 16 episodes, however, I don’t feel as if we’ve gotten any closer to uncovering an overarching plot to the story. Seriously, is there a point to any of this?

Well then… the cat is certainly out of the bag. Despite what the screenshot above might suggest, however, Trillram will not be the one to go after Asseylum, seeing as how he is unceremoniously executed by Slaine at the end of this week’s episode. He was hardly the mastermind behind the assassination plot, though. Plenty of people will be after the princess now. Not all of them will necessarily want to kill her, but she is still an invaluable chess piece in the grand scheme of things. More specifically, I wonder if Trillram’s Kataphrakt (I’m just going to call them mechas from now on) was transmitting any recorded video or image back to his base before it went down. ‘Cause if it was, and Saazbaum now knows that Asseylum is still alive, our heroes will not have much time to rest on their laurels. If you’ll recall, Saazbaum still intends to bomb the entire Shinawara area just to play it safe.

The most interesting aspect of Saazbaum’s plan, however, is that he is even willing to sacrifice Cruhteo in the process, which is hardly a small price to pay. That’s why I wondered last week whether or not Cruhteo may eventually question his loyalties. The various Counts are playing nice to each other for now, but you get the feeling that they’re just waiting for any small lapse in attention to strike at each other’s throats. News of the princess’s survival will eventually spread, and I can’t help but imagine that the Orbital Knights will fracture themselves into at least two opposing factions: those who want to aide the princess and those who are against her. Plus, it’s not just the traitorous faction within the Orbital Knights that Asseylum will have to worry about. The people in her immediate surroundings also know she’s a princess now. How will the rest of them react?

You can certainly expect Inaho to be the good guy through and through. You can almost always expect the main character in these shows to do the right thing. There have been exceptions in the past, but let’s just say Inaho is hardly Lelouch. Anyway, I also certainly expect Slaine to join Inaho’s ranks soon enough, but they’ll probably butt heads at first since Slaine won’t likely trust the main character just yet. I wonder how the three of them will work together. I hope the story doesn’t try to shoehorn in some melodramatic love triangle, but you never know. But beyond the main characters of the show, the big question in my mind is how the rest of the Earth Alliance will react to the princess’s existence. This is the enemy’s princess in their hands, after all. They could make all sorts of demands with her in their possession. The potential power moves that may come about are what currently fascinates me the most about the future direction of this story.

But not only that, Rayet was supposed to have killed Asseylum. What will the girl do now? She wanted to avenge her father’s death, and although she does play a part in bringing Trillram down in this week’s episode, she hardly dealt the finishing blow. Hell, even Inaho didn’t deal the finishing blow. I was surprised to see that Trillram could still escape from his mecha and make it to shore. I thought Inaho would avenge Okisuke and just blow the bastard and his mecha up. In any case, I’m curious to see how Rayet will react to the very person she should’ve assassinated. Will she feel remorse? Or will she still have anger towards the Vers Empire and that might include Asseylum? Hell, how long will she carry that secret with her? In fact, what reason does she have to keep on fighting? With Trillram dead, she will need a new motive to stick around.

Even Eddy has the chance to develop into an interesting character if the anime will give her a chance. For now, she mostly stays in the background, hardly ever having anything to say. Still, I can’t forget how she looked down upon the Earthlings at the start of the series. Lately, however, she has had to depend on the good will of those same Earthlings in order for both her and Asseylum to survive. Not only that, I doubt both girls are dumb. I’m sure they both know someone within the Vers Empire had a hand in the princess’s attempted assassination. God’s chosen people are thus conniving murderers. Meanwhile, these kids are the only reason Asseylum has made it this far. Without Inaho and his friends, I’m sure Trillram would have stumbled across the princess and killed her after the initial shock of seeing her alive had subsided. Eddy has very good reasons to change her stance. The only question is whether or not the anime thinks she’s an important enough character to develop.

Speaking of character development, Inaho proves himself to be a capable and ingenious leader. But other than that, we still know very little about him or his backstory. He clearly felt he needed to do something to avenge Okisuke’s death, but our main character’s rather placid demeanor is still left unexplained. For now, I won’t go quite so far as to say his calmness is taking me out of the story. I still find all the show’s action to be quite enjoyable, so I’m willing to be patient with Inaho’s character development. I just hope Aldnoah.Zero doesn’t drag its feet too much on this front. But still, this is how these stories are usually structured. The first three episodes or so usually provide our protagonist with a breakthrough moment to become the hero. Now that we’ve gotten past the first hurdle, the story can slow down and develop its characters. Let’s also hope the anime doesn’t slow down too much.

I also wonder what Yuki will do now about her brother, though it isn’t likely that she will be able to do anything. Nevertheless, she had to acquiesce to Inaho’s leadership because the situation called for desperate measures. Not only that, she was also injured. Now that the immediate danger to them has been eliminated — putting aside Saazbaum’s impending meteor strike since there’s no way the protagonists could know about it — will Yuki continue to let her brother, i.e. her only remaining family member, to continue taking the reins? Or will she become overprotective and prevent Inaho from fighting? After all, he’s still just a student. He hasn’t been drafted or anything. He has no real authority. Having said that, the Earth Alliance isn’t faring too well across the world, so Yuki might not have any choice in the matter. Inaho may very well be conscripted as soon as we see next week’s episode.

Anyway, the action is still thrilling and fun to watch. If I have to nitpick, these kids are a little too composed in the heat of battle for me, but that’s anime for you. Children are always saving the day in anime. Not only that, they become battle-hardened veterans after just a week or two of experiencing danger. Speaking of nitpicks, random characters seem to have some rather unnatural inflections to their voices when delivering their lines. For instance, the way the doctor says the following line to Yuk at the start of the episode: “They (Inaho and his friends) say they’re going to fight. *pause* Using the equipment here.” I know the anime’s going for dramatic effect, but it’s kind of silly if you’re trying to picture this conversation in the real world. At another point in the episode, Captain Magbaredge volunteers herself to Marito’s cause, but not saying, “I’ve taken an interest in you, Lt. Koichiro Marito.” It’s not what she says, but how she says it. Last but not least, I could have also done without Inaho’s unnecessary explanation to Trillram.

Oh well… nitpicks aside, Aldnoah.Zero is still highly recommended from me for the time being. Definitely in the top three for the season.

What would a mecha show be if we didn’t constantly introduce new mechas? Therefore, meet the Flare Engine (as well as Aiatar’s shiny posterior)! Who’s going to be piloting it, you ask? Well, there’s only one realistic answer to that question…

– I see Puck is enjoying himself. Not only is he in Kube’s body, he’s still in control of his big, giant computer self as well. Naturally, I have to wonder where the real Kube has gone. Does his consciousness still exist somewhere out there, or has it been stamped out for good? If it’s the latter, then ah well… no big loss. He never had much depth to his character anyway. Actually, to be quite honest, I can’t say I would miss any of the show’s characters if they were to die or disappear. None of them are all that sympathetic to me. Teppei had that one episode I really liked, but other than that, he’s faded into the background as Daichi and Hana took the spotlight for the most part. In any case, it’s interesting to see that Puck is willing to manipulate both Amara and Moco as well. Kube may have wanted to play god with his new vision of humanity, whereas the Kiltgang simply want to devour the planet and its inhabitants. But what does Puck want? I have no clue. Maybe he’s just having fun pulling all the strings.

– Oh look, Ai is back, and she’s embraced her idol career. Wouldn’t that then make her easy to track for Globe? And if a designer children is just flaunted herself right there and then, shouldn’t the good guys do something about it? Shrug… As an aside, I’ve never gotten the appeal of idols and their antics. I’ve always thought their schtick — mostly, the over-the-top enthusiasm — rather fake and cringe-inducing.

– Look at all these designer children we haven’t seen for weeks! They’re even color-coded for our convenience! The best part, however, is learning just how uninvolved they’ve been in the story. The rest of them are only now just learning that Teppei, a.k.a. Albion, had destroyed his ego block and ceased to be a Planetary Gear a long ass time ago. No, really, it was a long ass time ago. That happened back in the seventh episode? So nearly three whole months ago.

– Well, the designer-child-of-the-week series of episodes may be over, but the bad guys still intend to attack the planet one-by-one. Naw, don’t worry, we totally have a good reason for that! The Planetary Gears have only managed to gather up enough energy to send one Kiltgang member. This time, Ai will volunteer herself. Then next week, someone new can step up to the plate! After all, we haven’t seen Zin, Baku and Setsuna-sama herself take to space either. Alright then! Kiltgang-of-the-week, here we come!

– Daichi was just about to tell his two more useful teammates about Operation Summer, i.e. the group’s next mission, when Akari barges in with yet another watermelon. Not only that, she gets everyone off-track by bringing up the fact that she was just at a shrine. And now everyone is talking about going to a shrine. Bleh.

– Not sure why Daichi is surprised Hana doesn’t know a thing about shrines. Dude, she’s an alien.

– Teppei goes, “So what’s the mission?” Akari jumps in and asks, “Don’t you think Hana would look great in a kimono, Captain?” Please, Captain, corral the girl and get your team back on track! Kimonos are overrated anyway.

– Alright then, what is Operation Summer all about? We’re going to go all the way to Uranus and blow the mothership up! Exciting! What’s the real hurry, though? We still have two months worth of episodes left. Needless to say, Operation Summer might have kicked off, but we’re still a long way away from resolving this story.

– We cut back to the designer children, and Amara goes, “If even Aiatar can’t do it, we might need to think of a plan.” First of all, why would you not have a plan in place already? Second, what do you mean by “If even Aiatar can’t do it…?” Is she supposed to be the strongest amongst the group or something?

– I can’t believe the whole “desu” bullshit is still around. It’s annoying as fuck to listen to.

– Baku doesn’t understand why Teppei would destroy his Ego Block. Both Baku and Setsuna confirm that they’ve lived shitty lives, and as a result, they want to make humanity pay. Setsuna, however, seems to take pause when she realizes that absorbing humanity’s libido is just turning around and using humanity. Would that make her a hypocrite? Only if she has some moral stance against using others. Naturally, I wonder if either of these two characters will have a change of heart. They’re the two designer children that got the most “character development” in the past few weeks, after all.

– Oh dear, Aiatar has appeared, but both Daichi and Teppei — and their respective mechas — are injured. Whatever will we do?! Oh, whatever will we do?!

Oh. Well, that was easy. I thought this was a team, though. I mean, I understand how Hana getting herself a fancy-ass mecha may come as a surprise to us, the audience, but why is it also a surprise to Daichi, the captain of the team? Why would the captain not be privy to the fact that one of his team members will be launching off into space by herself? Not only that, how does she know how to pilot a mecha? Don’t worry, we have a single throwaway line to answer that exact question:

Aaaaaaaand that’s it. Case closed. She’s undergone the same training for a long time, guys. We haven’t seen it, but hey, if the anime says so, it’s good enough for me! Again, however, everyone seems to know everything but, well, the captain himself. Daichi, get your shit together, man!

– Aw fuck, another expansion sequence. We’re already sixteen minutes into the episode, guys. We don’t have time for this! “B-b-but we have a new mecha!”

– When Hana finally attacks, Aiatar simply erects a barrier to absorb the energy of the blasts. No one knows this, of course, besides Teppei. Speaking of which, these Planetary Gears are his former allies, are they not? So why hasn’t Teppei provided his team with the lowdown on how these fights are supposed to go? Why is he only now telling them that Aiatar can absorb people’s energy? I know information is being withheld from the audience to keep things a surprise, but it doesn’t make narrative sense for Teppei to withhold such invaluable information from his own team.

– It doesn’t matter, anyway. When has Captain Earth ever ended on a cliffhanger? No matter what the threat is, no matter how dire the situation may seem, every single conflict within this series — aside from the main, overarching conflict, that is — has wrapped itself up with a neat and tidy bow by the end of the episode. When have our heroes ever failed? They may have failed to prevent the designer children from awakening, but they have never actually lost a single critical battle in anyh of the episodes that we’ve ever seen. As a result, you can bet your ass that Hana will figure out some way to beat Aiatar in the remaining two minutes of runtime (not counting the ED, of course) that this episode has left.

– So naturally, a coronal mass ejection interferes with the battle. Even though Aiatar was having the upper-hand up until this point, , the CME blinds both her and Hana. With Hana’s singularity, however, she can still fight even without her vision. As a result, she defeats Aiatar in one quick attack. Y’know, Aiatar barely even moved in this entire battle. Ho-hum…. What can I say? That’s Captain Earth for you.

– Oh, how fantastic. A group of faceless individuals are now discussing things in a dark room. We’re going in hard with the mecha cliches! The woman says, “Then we should stand up and act.” Then the three of them proceed to stand up simultaneously. No, I realize that this is on purpose — that this scene is supposed to be campy — but I just can’t enjoy it. It still just feels dumb to me even if Captain Earth is aware of its own campiness.

– On the bright side, at least one of the girls has finally been allowed to participate in a battle.

Despite what you see in the screenshot above, I’ll have you know that Mine is a very hardcore assassin!

– You know the anime won’t be any good when its good guys are running through the woods like a bunch of Naruto characters. The only things missing are the two arms sticking out behind their them. No wait, there it is:

Like a flame decal on a Mustang, this lets you run faster! Too bad it’s one of the bad guys doing the pose. Maybe even Akame ga Kill! realizes how dumb this running animation looks. Well, that makes one of us.

– But what are we even doing out here in the woods anyway? Well, it turns out some assassins may have sniffed out Night Raid’s location. As a result, they’ll all have to die. Oh, but don’t you worry! These assassins are evil too! I mean, despite the little, black happy face you might see on the sides of their hoodies, these are all evil rapists:

Oaf: “She’s (Akame) pretty cute.”
Shortie: “Seems we can have fun, even after we kill her. Make sure you don’t wound her too badly…”

So y’see, they’re just a bunch of murderous, rapey necrophiliacs! In fact, our heroes would be doing the world a service by mercilessly killing these fools. But again, don’t make the mistake of thinking we’re the good guys! Naw man, we’re killers! Stone cold killers!

– Oh look, before the bad guys can even blink, Akame has disappeared, slit their throats, then reappeared behind them. And she still has time to make a smart-ass quip!

This may as well be Naruto!

– This is how Mine attacks her opponents. She calls her gun Pumpkin, and like the Atma Weapon of FF6 or something, it gets stronger when its wielder is in bigger trouble. I don’t think any further commentary is necessary. Hell, it’s not even the dumbest-looking thing here. After all, Sheele fights with a pair of giant scissors. Yeah, I know, I know… so did Ryuuko in Kill la Kill, but it’s different. Everything about Kill la Kill is tiny bit eccentric and a tiny bit oddball. Ryuuko eventually uses her giant scissors to cut through killer pieces of fabric and various red strings of fate. On the other hand, Sheele is just a meganneko in a Chinese dress, cutting actual murderers and rapists in half with her scissors. It’s just different. I’d just be wasting everyone’s time if I have to spell it out any further than that.

– When it’s Leone’s turn to show off, she says, “In my case, I simply turn into a beast and hit people.” That’s pretty much what this opening scene is all about. We’re not watching anything important here. The anime just feels like showing off the various different abilities of the various different assassins all at once in a very lazy, perfunctory way. Oh hey, generic assassins are attacking us. Let’s just kill them one-by-one with reckless abandon. Cool, we did it guys! High-five!

– Even the fairer sex isn’t spared!

Why does it look like she got the most painful, agonizing death of the bunch, though?

– But where’s the gratuitous rain of blood? Oh, there it is. Honestly, because of all the blood and guts, the whole thing just seems childish. It’s like, “No, we’re different from those other shounens. We’re edgy. We have a body count that goes up exponentially every week!”

– They just got done murdering a bunch of people. Evil or not, you just killed a bunch of people. Nevertheless, Bulat pays our hero a compliment, so he blushes like a little schoolboy. A-aniki noticed me! Kya~!

– Whoa, but don’t blush too hard! Later that night, Tatsumi can’t help but dream about his aniki’s proud face. Our young schoolboy’s growing up! Pretty soon, he’ll have to change those sheets every morning.

– For just a second, Tatsumi thinks of his former friends, which reminds me that he never really gave himself a chance to mourn their deaths.

– The very next day, Tatsumi has to train with Mine, but the girl is late. As such, Najenda tells our hero to go wake the tsunderekko up, but y’see, this is yet another trial for the young boy:

Clearly, Tatsumi must learn how to knock for his own good. I mean, who just barges into a young woman’s room without any notice!

– Afterwards, Tatsumi and Mine walk around the capital city, talking about how poor and downtrodden the masses are. Yeah, you’re really working my sympathies, anime. The two of them even spot a poor, innocent little girl being bullied by hoodlums in a dark alley. Hardass Mine, however, is all, “Fuck your thanks, little girl! Learn to kill!”

– Tatsumi wonders if it’s okay for the two of them to be walking about like this in broad daylight. Mine assures him it’s okay. After all, the bad guys have only spotted the four faces of Akame, Najenda, Bulat and Sheele. As a result, Tatsumi and Mine are perfectly safe. Hell, if the two of them want to talk about this subject at the top of their lungs, it’s okay too! No one eavesdrops in the capital city. Yo, we have class ’round these parts.

– So what do you guys suppose one would do with a twintailed girl in the capital city? Obviously, you eat crepes and go shopping.

– Mine blushes when the hero expresses his desire to constantly move forward… for his dead friends’ sakes! I’m sorry, but what is there to blush about here?

– Welp, enough fun and games; it’s time for the anime to swing itself back to the super serious side of the spectrum. Wouldja just look at all those public executions? Whatchu gonna do about it, hero?

– By the way, have a look at the young, naive emperor and his evil, manipulative Prime Minister:

I like how the Prime Minister’s name is Honest. Gosh, how ironic!! Before Honest sends some poor guy off to his death, however, he promises to steal and rape the guy’s wife. The anime even has to zoom in close to Honest’s face to let us see that he’s positively drooling at the thought of raping the woman. You can’t get any edgier than that!

– Anyway, after wasting 75% of the episode on stupid shit, it’s finally time for the mission-of-the-week. Najenda sends her assassins after some evil minister who likes to kidnap and beat women to death. Knowing this anime, however, they’re probably not just beating the women to death.

– As Mine takes her aim at the evil minister, Tatsumi remarks that he can feel her drive even from here. It’s emanating!

– And just like that, Mine snipes the bad guy and the mission is over… hmmm, not quite. The good guys will now have to fight off the minister’s guards.

– Oh good, more Narutards:

But we’ll leave that to the rest of the team. Meanwhile, Mine will share her past with Tatsumi. Here comes another generic backstory… Actually, the anime doesn’t even put much effort into it. She’s a halfie, and she was discriminated against. Ho-hum.

– The master guard ambush Tatsumi and Mine, forcing our hero to get his hands dirty protecting the twin-tailed tsunderekko.

– Actually, he just holds the guy in place so that Mine can take the killing shot. Oh, what trust lies between them! These two are like a match made in heaven already!

– And this is pretty much what you get:

Another fine piece of production from White Fox.

– Afterwards, the anime teases the show’s next villain, but why torture ourselves any further? Let’s just put that off till next week. All in all, another boring, uneventful episode. Just killing random people doesn’t make your story eventful. Rather, the slayings become oldhat because every single fight feels sameish.

The problem with Ao Haru Ride is that I’m just not interested in any of its generic high school antics. Honestly, the first half of the episode actually had my interest piqued. Kou finally apologized to Futaba for standing her up that one fateful day back in middle school. He confessed that he had really wanted to come see her, but his family started to fall apart around the same time. With his life turning upside down, seeing some middle school crush was probably the last thing on his mind. This scene really felt like it could’ve been a breakthrough for the entire story. After all, Kou’s backstory is the core of the show’s pathos. He gives the story its much needed depth. In fact, his troubles are actually, well, relevant, especially when you consider how high school represents only a few short years of our young life, but I’ll get to this later. For now, let’s talk about where the episode bored me to death.

Immediately after the first half of the episode, the new school year begins, and well… this is just about the dullest thing the story could possibly show me. Basically, Futaba finds herself in the same class as Kou, Yuki, and all of the other major characters of the show. How convenient! She’s determined to be Yuki’s friend this time around, instead of letting the rest of the class get a bad impression of the shy girl. Aw, that’s nice. Then afterwards, Futaba volunteers to become the female class representative. Oh boy! When she asks the class who would want to be the male representative, Kou raises his hand! Wow! But uguu, don’t take him the wrong way. He only wants to get this process over quick so he can go home. I-i-it’s not like he wanted to work beside her or anything! Anyway, the two of them ask for three event representatives, and naturally, the rest of the major characters raise their hands too. These five are sure to have a shining high school life, I’ll tell you what!

The problem is that none of this is interesting. In fact, high school isn’t interesting. Most teenagers tend to think of high school as the most important years of their lives, because, well, they’re fucking teenagers. Everything is the biggest deal to them. Everything matters so much to them, especially what other people think of them. But once people move on into the adult world, most people will quickly realize that those idyllic high school years are only special because they are easy. Those years represent a time in our lives when we can fuck up tremendously and never have to worry about the consequences. As a result, we are nostalgic for them. We yearn to relive those high school days because we are stuck working an 8-to-5 job, paying bills, and still trying to find some time to fit in a social life. But because we can fuck up tremendously and never have to worry about the consequences, those high school years are also meaningless. They have no real weight.

That’s why I can’t take any of Ao Haru Ride’s high school scenes seriously. Becoming the class representative, making friends that you’ll lose touch of when you graduate, joining a new class, etc. None of these things will matter in the long run. They only matter in the heat of the moment, when you’re an overly emotional teenager because your hormones are at an all time high, and you’ve never experienced any real troubles before. Kou’s broken family, however, is something that will affect him for the rest of his life. This has some real weight. As a result, that’s the story I want to hear. That’s the story I want to delve into. When Kou stood his own brother up later that day, I wanted to see the anime explore the relationship between the two siblings. How did it get to this point? And sure enough, the anime will eventually broach that topic. I have no doubts that it will. The problem is that I’m not sure I’ll be sticking around long enough to see this happen.

Another week, another slate of harem anime episodes to watch. But before we get started, let’s take a look at last week’s poll results.

Boy, would you look at that… Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance pretty much won the first week in a landslide victory. Will it win the Crown of Shit Anime by the end of the year? Maybe… maybe… Alright then, let’s see what week two has in store for us.

Rokujyoma no Shinryakusha!? Ep. 2

The characters play card games.

The characters eat dinner (Sanae’s attached to the main character because this allows her to taste whatever he’s tasting).

The girls then transfer into Koutarou’s school where, well, nothing happens. Why do the characters even bother to acknowledge the fact that it’s oh-so-weird how the class will now get four transfers out of nowhere? Like why even bother? It’s not funny anymore. Hell, has it ever been funny? “Haw haw, you’re so right! These transfers are weird!” Then what? There’s never a fucking punch line. That’s pretty much the extent of the joke every single time the same thing happens in any given anime.

Aaaaaand that about does it for this week’s episode. There is literally nothing else for me to write about. If you don’t believe me, you can try and watch the episode for yourself. And if you do, just remember that this is somehow — somehow — based off of a light novel series. Obviously, the word “novel” doesn’t mean anything anymore. You can just vomit words onto 100-plus pages — thereby killing poor, innocent trees in the process — and call yourself a novelist these days. It must be that easy, because I don’t know how else to explain Rokujyoma no Shinryakusha!?‘s sorry existence.

Is this anime the most haremy shit ever? No. The truth is it’s just really, really boring. But that brings us to the next dilemma. Should Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance automatically win this week’s contest because it is infinitely more haremy than this show? Or should Rokujyoma no Shinryakusha!? win instead because it is so unbelievably boring that I couldn’t even write about it? I don’t know. I really don’t. Personally, I’m actually leaning towards voting for Rokujyoma no Shinryakusha!? myself.

I dare you to watch this episode, however, and enjoy it. I dare you. Oh, but don’t even bother if you think the average anime comedy series is any funny. You’re already a lose cause if that’s the case.

Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance Ep. 2

We didn’t have an OP for last week’s episode, did we? Oh well, if we did, I certainly didn’t watch it. But I am watching it now. I like how our hero gets to look all cool and badass:

But the main love interest has to be all bent over with her ass sticking out. Not only that, there’s a cat perched atop her ass:

Yo, that’s not even where the pussy goes. Alright, that’s enough of the OP for me. Time to skip ahead and watch the anime itself. As you’ll recall, Kamito is here to participate in the prestigious Blade Dance event. Why is it so important? Oh, if you win, your country will prosper for years and years to come. No pressure, though. Not only that, the winner will have one of her wishes granted. Let’s hope nobody here wants to bang her twin brother. In any case, Kamito won’t be fighting for any sovereignty. Rather, he’s in it for a hot anime babe. This is a harem anime, after all. Having said that, we can put the Blade Dance tournament aside for now, because the main character will most certainly have to power himself up over the course of the season. For now, the biggest concern is… his stomach. Can a man get something to eat around here or what?

Sure enough, Rinslet drops by with a bowl of soup. Ah, but there’s a catch! If he wants to eat any of it, he’ll have to bark like a dog and become her slave. Well then. When the guy naturally refuses to, y’know, degrade himself, she calls him a brute. Even so, she offers him a place besides her as her butler anyway. Why would you want a brute for a butler? Naw, y’see, our haremette has already taken an interest in the lead — doki doki — but she can’t just come out and say it! No fair anime maiden can ever admit that she likes boys, sex, or anything related to those two topics! That’s why she leaves the bowl of soup behind anyway and pretends as though her maid had made much too much. It’s not like she wanted to feed him or anything! As a sign of gratitude, Kamito tells her that he’ll be her friend, which causes the girl to blush and be all flustered. God, it’s just a bowl of soup! D-don’t get the wrong idea just because she’s a generous soul!

Rinslet runs into trouble, however, because Claire was also on her way to bring the harem lead a bunch of foodstuff. Why? He’s her contracted spirit, after all! Even though, y’know, he’s not a spirit. But ah well, when have haremettes ever been logical? Anyway, the two girls are about the fight over a guy. As a result, they each pull out their respective Pokemons. First up, we have Rinslet’s dire wolf:

Holy crap, that is an ugly-ass wolf. I thought wolves were supposed to be majestic-looking and shit. Its name is Fenrir, by the way. As for Claire, we already know she has a tiny, little house cat:

Hm, a house cat versus a dire world. I’m not sure this is going to go well for our red-haired tsunderekko. And yes, they’re all tsunderekkos. There’s like some kind of harem law out there that states, “The more alpha male the harem lead is, the more tsuntsun his haremettes will be.” One of these days, I’ll compile a list of harem laws and read them off from atop Mount Fuji… before it blows, of course. And now the battle ensues:

Yeah, those white and orange swirls are the two animal spirits going at it. Meanwhile, the girls are just standing there, fighting over the harem lead. Very progressive. Eventually, Claire’s kitty gets knocked into Kamito’s little shed, putting the whole thing on fire. Whoops. Rinslet tries to put it out with an ice arrow, but she just ends up destroying the entire structure:

Double whoops. There goes the harem lead’s home. Wait, wait, let me guess… he’s going to have to live with one of the girls now, right? To make matters worse, Ellis Fahrenfart now shows up. Yes, she’s a tsunderekko too. And yes, she thinks the harem lead literally destroyed his own home because — gasp! — he didn’t like what she had built for him. The nerve of the guy! Man, this is what you get when you reduce female characters down to a single, dominant personality trait. Then of course, one of those dominant personality traits will become a favorite amongst the average anime fan. As result, you have a ridiculous story where every single female character are virtually the same in the personality department, but it’s not like fans will even care. After all, the only important distinguishing factors are the girls’ hair color, blood type, physical measurements, so on and so forth. Having an actual unique personality is, well, a waste of time that would be better spent churning out volumes after volumes of poorly-written dreck.

Two random girls — friends of Ellis, I’m sure — begin to discriminate against both Claire and Rinslet, which is funny as hell to me. After all, they all look like a bunch of spoiled brats at some well-to-do school. Nevertheless, like a certain terrible series about shitty magicians also airing this season, there’s a hierarchy within this elitist haven. Rinslet is apparently from a family of backwater nobles… whatever that means. As for Claire, she has it even worse! She’s related to a known traitor! Wait a minute? Really? Wasn’t Silvia from Dragonar Academy also related to a known traitor? Not only are these haremettes all tsuntsun in the personality department, they all have the same fucking backstory too. That’s just tells you how lazy these light novels are.

In the end, Claire and Rinslet challenge Fahrenfart and her bigoted friends to an official duel that will take place later that night. Somehow, the harem lead gets roped into the whole sordid affair too. And yes, I was right when I said Kamito would end up staying with one of the girls. More specifically, he’ll be rooming with Claire for a while. Is it okay for a guy to stay in the girls’ dorms? According to Claire, there’s no problem here because he’s a contracted spirit, and contracted spirits don’t have genders or something. Still, I feel like I’ve watched this before…

After settling into his new room, Kamito is still hungry. Well, I guess the bowl of soup from earlier did burn down before he could eat any of it. But like most tsunderekkos, Claire can’t cook. There’s this weird thing in anime where girls are either brilliant at cooking or absolute shit at it. There never seems to be any in-between. And as a corollary, if a haremette is terrible at cooking, the harem lead is almost always brilliant at it. As a result, we now see Kamito cooking up a veritable feast for both him and Claire. As an aside, that’s one useful ass cat:

All my cat does is glare at me when I get home from work because her food bowl is empty. C’est la vie. But put aside the flaming cat for now, because the bathing Claire is suddenly under attack!

…by water tentacles? That’s how dangerous it is to be a female elementaler these days. You’re just trying to shower when, all of a sudden, a wild water spirit will attack. Good thing Kamito was there to save her! Even better, he hands the girl her own panties to wipe her tears with!

Oh, what delightful harem antics. It almost feels like Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance is making up for what Rokujyoma no Shinryakusha!? is lacking.

Afterwards, the anime delves a bit into Claire’s backstory, but like I’ve said, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. It’s a pretty standard “My family name has been disgraced by the actions of a relative” story.

Eventually, the duel between the girls — with Kamito tagging along, of course — takes place in Astral Zero, an alternate dimension that serves as a realm for the spirits. I love how Claire has to explain to the harem lead that sword spirits are best with close-ranged attacks. Naw, really? I thought I could shoot out bolts of energy from my sword like in Zelda. Oh well, it’s time for Kamito to unleash his mighty blade. Strike forth, young harem lead!

Er… I guess our hero has trouble summoning his sword to its fullest length. Must be the pressure from all the female eyes on him, mm-hmm. Just look at this sweet-ass animation, though:

Kamito’s face has never looked better, and it’s just the second episode. Ah well. The battle rages on, and Ellis ends up posing with her elemental waffe, i.e. a lance. The harem lead can’t help but compliment her beauty in the heat of battle, which leads to…

But before the battle can resolve itself, a new challenger appears:

No wait, it’s none other than Kamito’s first contracted spirit! Which is just another anime babe…

And that’s that for this week’s episode. Thank god.

Alright, vote away…

Dear lord, it looks as though the animation budget has been slashed even more, but we’re only at the 14th episode. Oh well. I have nothing else to blog about on Wednesdays, so let’s just keep trucking on with this nonsense anyway.

– There’s a new OP I haven’t watched, but… yeah, I don’t really care.

– So when we last watched this abomination of an anime, Akashi had finally managed to defeat the Corpse, but all this did was cause a reaction where “metallizing” particles started to disperse through the air beyond the confines of the Lightless Realm. As a result, even poor lil’ Fido over here is turning into a robo-dog:

– Basically, the blame game begins. Military and government officials who, well, have been completely fucking absent from the story until now are coming out of the woodwork to tell IX that they’ve fucked up. Well, gee, when an organization has no oversight, I wonder what would happen? IX, however, wants to say that this latest mess is nothing more than a renegade pilot acting on his own accord. Meanwhile, all of the “good” guys — including Kasane — continue to sit there and say nothing. That’s why I put quotation marks around the word ‘good.’ Yes, they might not be as evil or reckless as Natsuiri, but good lord, if you’re just going to sit idly there for the entire season, you may as well be guilty too.

– Apparently, Akashi is considered dead. Oh well.

– Natsuiri tells the government and military officials that this is supposedly a piece from the Corpse:

You’d think these intelligent officials wouldn’t believe Natsuiri’s bullshit because, after all, you can’t even tell what you’re looking at here, so why believe any of it? Sure enough, we find out later that this is nothing more than a vial of cola. Once again, Natsuiri is just mocking people and nobody does a thing about it.

– Natsuiri spends the rest of the meeting claiming that only he has the intelligence to boss these kids around, and he won’t listen to any orders. Therefore, no oversight. Just continue being the mad scientist that you are, buddy. Never change for anyone~! I’m a strong, independent scientist, and I don’t need no morals.

– Naturally, none of the kids remember ever being in the Lightless Realm ten years ago, so they try to discuss it with each other. But this is boring for me to listen to, because we’ve known since episode one that they had met each other in the Lightless Realm. As a result, it just feels like M3 is spinning its wheels. What? You’re now only going to talk about this? Jesus Christ.

– Natsuiri shows up to tell the kids that they will have to investigate the Lightless Realm even harder than before. But c’mon, what are they actually investigating? Every time I’ve seen these chumps enter the Lightless Realm, they just ride around aimlessly until something attacks them. I don’t see any actual investigating. In fact, what is there to actually investigate? The only notable thing the anime has shown us in 14 episodes is some shiny, fucking tree.

– Oh hey, Heito is still out of commission. It’s fine by me; his character was annoying. But guess who gets to pilot the Sable now! Mahmu! Naturally, the girl agrees to this with nary a protest. That’s M3 for you.

These kids just do whatever Natsuiri wants, bad things then happen to the kids, and somehow, we’re supposed to feel bad for them. But I just can’t feel bad for these characters when they keep putting themselves into these shitty situations without even fighting back.

– But there’s no compatibility between Mahmu and Emiru, right? It’s okay. Natsuiri will just have to force them to link up. Kasane will verbally protest, but she allows herself to be pushed out of the way by Natsuiri. That’s what I’m talking about, man. All these assholes claim to be good people, but they just allow someone like Natsuiri to walk all over them. You’re not good anymore if that’s the case. You’re just a bunch of gutless individuals.

– Afterwards, Iwato tells Raika that if he ends up being put into an MA-Vess, she better be the one to pilot it. Well, no shit. More importantly, though, Iwato mentions how Natsuiri is expecting one of them to give up his or her life to become a mecha: “He’s expecting something disgusting.” So run! No, wait, let me guess, let me guess… someone’s going to sacrifice his or her life anyway, because this is for the good of the team. Right? Right?! Soon, we’ll have four mechas and… not manage to do a single thing with any of them. Science! I mean, what gets me is that they don’t even have an objective. As a team, the kids just follow IX’s orders. And as a research facility, IX doesn’t have an objective. Even as evil and insane as Natsuiri may appear to be, he doesn’t have an objective! It’s just, “Oh, pilot your MA-Vess into the Lightless Realm and let me look at the readings. Oh, oh, this data is so wonderful!” But the truth is, no one actually has an actual step-by-step plan. They’re all just winging it, which is why this anime feels so fucking aimless.

– For some reason, this is what Mahmu looks like when she failed to pilot Emiru:

Naked for no good reason whatsoever.

– But despite going all naked and being strangled by… hair, Mahmu wants to give riding Emiru another shot. This time, she hallucinates a naked Emiru falling on top of her instead — crotch first, naturally:

I’m not one to say that every girl should shave down their, but when it gets that unruly… girl, you gotta groom yourself.

– Somehow, this bullshit is leading to their resonance level increasing.

– We then get a crappy flashback from when the team were all kids. Young Mahmu looks like Wednesday from the Addams Family:

The whole “woe is me” attitude fits too.

– Basically, both Mahmu and Emiru have always been lonely, but Emiru was always trying to be the other girl’s friend. Mahmu’s only now realizing it, so yay, they are compatible after all! And we’ve just spent an entire episode on this shit. Progress? What progress? I rather discuss these boring characters’ feelings some more. Other people might want to get some answers about the Lightless Realm, but not me. Nuh-uh. I was like, “Look at that Mahmu over there. Doesn’t she seem like such a great character because all she does is sit in the corner, look scared, and write stupid shit in her diary? Let’s make this week’s episode all about her!”

Feelings! Fuck yeah! And now we both get to be naked with our boobs gently caressed by our hair!

Yay, it’s time again to rank all the shows I’ve watched in the past week. Y’know, just for fun.

21. Rokujyoma no Shinryakusha!?

The most boring thing I’ve watched in the past week. Hell, the most boring thing I’ve watched in a long time.

20. Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance

19. Sword Art Online II

Somewhere along the line, SAO seems to have forgotten that it’s supposed to take place in an MMORPG.

18. Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei

Somewhere along the line, Mahouka seems to have forgone–… wait, no, this show has always sucked. I mean, it wasn’t a good sign when when ardent fans had to pre-emptively defend the show long before it even started airing.

17. Free! Eternal Summer

You mean I can have both my friends and my dreams?! Wow!

16. Akame ga Kill!

Could’ve been worse, I guess. Could’ve been Mahouka.

15. Rail Wars!

So bad, it’s the best of the worst… but honestly, it’s still pretty bad.

…

Gap.

…

14. DRAMAtical Murder

The piss-poor animation in this week’s episode is hilarious. It’s almost Rail Wars! bad, actually.

It’s like the studio ran out of time and just aired whatever it could scrap together at the last second.

Holy shit, they’re not even trying. The animation was so bad, I couldn’t even pay attention to the plot. I think some guy kisses the main character, but other than that, I’m completely lost.

Oh for the love of God, will somebody just put this show out of its misery already?

13. Shirogane no Ishi Argevollen

The anime keeps introducing new characters to the story, but they all look the same. So try as I might, I just can’t muster up a damn. I think the third episode even tried to throw in some fanservice, but uh…

…it excels at nothing. Nothing whatsoever. Not even fanservice, which should be anime’s forte. The anime’s so bland, Captain Samonji looks bored out of his fucking mind every single time he’s onscreen. I feel you, bro, I feel you. I mean, what can I say? The third episode’s plot might as well be a carbon-copy of the second episode’s plot.

We’re pulling the troops out!

Wait, the Argevollen is still out there!

We can’t let the main force through!

N…no~!

But guess what? The Argevollen makes it out anyway. Gasp!

12. Glasslip

Man, nothing ever happens in this anime. Nothing. So alright, the circle of friends go hiking, and this gives Touko the chance to talk to her friends. Sadly, Kakeru’s not included ’cause I guess he’s not friends with anyone yet. Great. Right off the bat, one of the show’s more interesting characters isn’t even included. In any case, Touko and Yana proceed to hash out their differences, thus reaffirming their friendship. This basically amounts to extra pickled vegetables for Touka’s yakisoba. Our heroine then tells Yuki she can’t date him. Finally, the other guy — I don’t even know his name — confesses to the weak, nerdy girl — I don’t know her name either — that he likes her, but of course, we don’t really get to know how she really feels about it. And that’s it. That’s it for the entire episode. It’s so fucking boring, I honestly think I’d rather watch someone blow glass for an hour. I don’t mind that the show isn’t dripping with melodrama, and I’m glad Touka has the courage to tell her friends how she feels. But c’mon, this episode barely even registers a pulse. Oh well, what can I say? It’s yet another classic slice-of-life offering from P.A. Works. To its credit, Glasslip is better than, say, Tari Tari.

11. M3 – Sono Kuroki Hagane

The sad thing is, as soon as this show is over, the sequel to selector infected WIXOSS will begin airing. As a result, we’ll never rid ourselves of Okada and her current obsession with emotionally torturing her characters. Alright, alright… who ran over her cat?

10. Ao Haru Ride

One of these seasons, I’ll find a shoujo that I can enjoy. One of these seasons, I swear I will. But knowing my luck, I’ll probably be on one of my extended hiatuses from blogging when a decent shoujo actually appears.

9. Captain Earth

Well, it has action… I guess. Stupid action, but action nonetheless. Sadly, most of its action involves watching a mecha expand for the umpteenth time.

8. Bakumatsu Rock

Like with Free!, I watched both the third and fourth episode. I’m sure fans must have been thrilled when the boys showed off their rock-hard abs and sang to a steamy bathhouse full of men with equally rock-hard abs. No skinny or fat people in this universe. Still, this sort of campiness trumps faux-drama any day of the week. Bonus points for making me laugh with the screenshot above even if the humor here is unintentional. It’s just too bad everything else about the past two episodes have put me to sleep.

7. Re:_Hamatora

The situation’s the same as always. The main story involving Art is somewhat interesting. The side plots involving the various Minimum Holders are definitely not. This week, some guy’s paintings can turn people into murderers. I was dozing off until Art showed up, and I suspect I’ll keep dozing off like this until Nice and Art have their final battle. Sadly, this probably won’t take place until the very last episode of the season. Ah well…

…

Gap.

…

6. Tokyo ESP

Perfectly ho-hum. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing good with it either.

5. Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun

Why is this show all the way up here? By default. This week’s episode wasn’t very amusing, though.

…

Thigh gap.

…

4. Persona 4: The Golden Animation

Yeah, yeah, I realize the show won’t bother with the main plot. I also realize I’ve seen or experienced the main plot multiple times already. But without it, Persona 4 is reduced to a slice-of-life comedy albeit with slightly more charismatic anime characters. This week, Yu tries to find enough time to spend with his friends, and while his antics are still somewhat amusing, this still feels like unimportant, inconsequential fluff. I just don’t think Marie’s addition to the story is significant enough to make me watch scenes after scenes of the characters doing nothing. In the original story, these slice-of-life scenes worked because they served as a breather from the game’s more serious or grindtastic moments. It’s like whipped cream, I guess. Whipped cream is a nice complement to a complete dessert, but you wouldn’t eat a bucket of it by yourself, would you? Actually, don’t answer that.

…

…

Big Gap.

…

…

3. Tokyo Ghoul

I still enjoyed the third episode, but after a strong start, it felt kind of subdued.

2. Aldnoah.Zero

1. Terror in Resonance

Your moment of zen:

Mukasa wonders out loud, “Anyway, don’t you think Sphinx is lonely, too? They probably just want attention.” It’s funny how the most clueless guy in these stories will typically to hit the nail right on the head. Shibazaki’s corpulent co-worker is right: the boys are an extreme example of attention-seeking teenagers. And as always, the problem on our hands is that they don’t care if the attention they get is good or bad. They just want attention period. They just want to open up a dialogue even if it ends up being an abusive shouting match. We’ve all seen or heard about it, i.e. young people acting out in self-destructive ways if they feel as though they’re being neglected. In this week’s episode, we are starting to learn just exactly how neglected Nine and Twelve — and other children like them as well — really were. In Nine’s flashback, we get a glimpse of what life was like at that mysterious institute we’ve only heard about till now. One of the “caretakers,” a lady, told the kids, “A name is usually a gift of love. But for you who have been abandoned, love does not exist. Signs of pretense like that must be eliminated. I will now give you new names to be called.” Needless to say, this is a form of psychological and emotional abuse.

First, the abuser destroys your identity by taking away your name. This deletes any lingering attachment these kids may have had to their previous lives. Second, the abuser insists that these kids had been abandoned. Maybe they were, maybe they weren’t, but regardless, the abuser now becomes these kids’ savior. They were abandoned, but now they are saved. The mysterious institute feeds and cloth them. Would you rather go back to the real world where nobody loves you? The kids have no choice but to stay (not that they could leave without a fight). The kids then become dependent upon the mysterious institute. Essentially, the abuser wants these kids’ loyalty. Most importantly, however, the abuser tells these kids that they are not loved. Even though the mysterious institute has effectively become these kids’ parent, at the same time, the institute will not give these kids anything close to resembling parental love. Nine and Twelve are thus acting out because they want attention from their “parent.” By bombing the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building and a police station, it’s clear that the boys have equated the mysterious institute with the Japanese state. The Japanese state is now their “parent,” and they want attention from their “parent.”

Near the end of the episode, Shibazaki reaches out to the boys the best way he knows how: through an online video stream. You’ll notice that there are a lot of mirrored actions in this week’s episod. In any case, Shibazaki tells Nine and Twelve that this is not a game. More importantly, he insists that the plutonium in their possession is not a toy. Seeing as how he’s a “second-generation atomic bomb victim,” the potential for another nuclear attack hits a sore nerve with Shibazaki, especially when the perpetrators are Japan’s own children. But despite the boys’ riddles, they’re not actually playing games. Again, Nine and Twelve just want attention from their “parent,” the Japanese state, in the worst way possible. But why the riddles then, if this is not a game? In that same flashback, we see researchers watch and take notes as the kids played with puzzles. There’s no doubt these researchers were testing and observing the children’s cognitive abilities. Did this mysterious institute have something to do with experiments regarding superhuman intelligence? This would explain why Nine and Twelve are seemingly, well, capable of anything.

We learn this week that Nine had created a fake identity in order to infiltrate the nuclear reprocessing facility. We also learn this week that they had the means and capabilities to set up a fake bank account, and transfer large sums of money into someone else’s bank account without detecting anyone’s notice. These kids can create bombs. These kids are expert hackers. These kids are several steps ahead of the authorities. These kids have in-depth knowledge of Greek and Japanese mythology for no other purpose than to stump intelligent adults with riddles. Basically, these kids are geniuses. Everything they do is well-thought-out — perhaps too well-thought-out. At times, the audience must suspend their disbelief in order to enjoy the narrative. For example, even if Nine had created a fake identity, how can his physical appearance alone fail to arouse anyone’s suspicions? Don’t you need a high level of security clearance to work in a nuclear reprocessing facility? And how on earth would a young person — much less a teenager — manage that? Perhaps the mysterious institute was in the business of creating a new breed of super-intelligent child soldiers. Who knows! At the moment, anything’s possible.

But back to my original point… why the riddles then if this is not a game? Because it’s justice. It’s probably safe to assume that playing with jigsaw puzzles wasn’t the only thing the kids had to do at this mysterious facility. It’s also probably safe to assume that the kids had to push their mental limits in ways we have yet to see. And let’s say some of the kids didn’t do well. Not everyone’s going to excel in such a cold, loveless environment, after all. Someone had to crack. Someone had to resist, purposefully mess with the experiments, etc. What do you suppose happened to that? Don’t you think he or she might have been punished for it? In order to keep this kids in line, don’t you think the mysterious institute might have abused the kids in other ways? We’ve already seen how their “caretakers” weren’t afraid to resort to psychological and emotional abuse in order to brainwash these kids. I can’t help but imagine that there was a lot worse we haven’t seen. So back to the present, Nine and Twelve likely sees what they’re doing as justice. Tit-for-tat. You made us play games, and if we either failed or resisted, you punished us. So now you get to play games. If you refuse to play, the bomb will go off. And if you fail, a bomb will go off too. Fair’s fair. The boys are merely mirroring the actions of their abusers.

Stray observations:

– As previously stated, Shibazaki is a “second-generation atomic bomb victim.” More specifically, he’s from Hiroshima. He then tells us why he hates summer so much. When he was a kid, Hiroshima would feel like a ghost town because none of the old people would want to come outside. What’s interesting, however, is what Shibazaki doesn’t outright point out: there was a lack of kids in his hometown. As a result, his youth was essentially stolen away from him even if he hadn’t lived through Hiroshima’s bombing. Basically, this is a reminder that the consequences of a nuclear attack can and will span across multiple generations. Even to this day, Japan feels the effects of the two atom bombs that had been dropped on their soil.

– Shibazaki asks for a chair, claiming that he has a bad back. He then proceeds to sit on it backwards. What a troll.

– As we’ve discussed in previous weeks, Lisa is also a victim of abuse. In a way, however, she also serves as a foil to both Nine and Twelve. Whereas the boys are seeking attention — good or bad — from their “parent,” Lisa gets too much attention from both her mother and the bullies at school. People in situation would normally have suicidal thoughts. Is there thus any significance to the fact that she tries to reach out to the two boys? After all, Twelve threatened to kill her if she rats them out.

– It’s always amusing when someone says they’ll take responsibility if something bad happens. If only it was that simple…

– Twelve says getting involved with Lisa will only make it more painful later. What will be more painful and why? Do the two boys intend to die when this is all said and done?

– Not that I don’t like mythology, but is the anime really going to reference a new mythological being every week? This time around, we learn all about Arahabaki. Hey, I recognize him from my Shin Megami Tensei games!

– I have to laugh at the way Shibazaki stumbles upon the solution to the riddle:

Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time an off-topic conversation with a secondary character allows the lead detective to realize what he needs to solve the crime, I’d be filthy rich:

Detective: “Yo, what’s up?”
Minor Character: “Pretty good. Except Susan growled at me this morning because I forgot to take out the trash last night.”
Detective: “You gotta help around the house. You don’t want her to feel neglecte–… wait a minute, didn’t the dog that growl at everyone today when we paid the crime scene a visit? But if you check the 911 phone call the victim had made, the dog made no sound at all! The victim must have been killed by someone the dog is familiar with. I gotta go!”

Granted, it isn’t that bad in this week’s episode of Terror in Resonance, but this trope still needs to die out badly.