Oh look, a Mezzo Forte cameo.

Episode summary: Cecil gets yelled at for incurring fines through her constant use of magic. On her day off, she stumbles upon a hostage situation, and gets taken as a hostage herself. In the end, our heroine is allowed to use her magic in order to save the day. Meanwhile, we learn that the bad guys are still cooking up elaborate plans to awaken Cecil’s latent powers. I swear, some people just have too much time on their hands….

Thoughts:

• Looks like it’s Wizard Barrister‘s turn to skimp on the animation budget:

Honestly, I would truly prefer it if the well-animated episodes all took a tiny hit in quality if it meant I wouldn’t have to deal with this jarring experience of suddenly seeing lopsided faces.

• Koromo: “Yeah, I know you’re sexually frustrated, since you aren’t getting any, but…” Haven’t we all met this sort of person in real life? The guy or girl who has to make everything about sex? Yeah… Personally, I think it would be funny as hell if someone in the office suddenly took Koromo to court for sexual harassment, but it’s too bad the anime thinks the sexual harassment itself is funny. I mean, Natsuna recognizes that it’s sexual harassment but… I guess she just doesn’t have the gumption to take it any further than verbally reprimanding her coworker.

• Natsuna has a point though: you’re not much of a lawyer if you’re just going to default to your magical powers in every single situation. Hey, we even talked about this last week with regards to Kiri-jii! But ultimately, it doesn’t matter if Natsuna actually has a point or not. You just know that by the end of the episode, Cecil will get her way.

• So what’s exactly is the point of the familiars? Is that frog only around just so that Cecil doesn’t have to talk to herself and come across like a nutjob? Actually, yeah, it does seem like this is his only purpose. He’s basically her inner thoughts, especially when he goes, “Tsunomi is rather pushy, bon,” right after Cecil’s coworker insisted that they hang out. But then you might naturally ask, “If he serves as her inner voice, why does the frog molest her from time to time?” ‘Cause anime’s gotta anime, man.

• Watching that computer-generated dragon thing fly around made me feel as though I’m watching some crappy Saturday morning cartoon:

Don’t get me wrong, I think Wizard Barristers‘ action scenes are surprisingly good, but the 3-D stuff just really doesn’t gel with the rest of the show’s anime aesthetics.

• I like how Quinn casually lights up a cigarette in the middle of an urgent situation. Hey, I’m just sayin’… cigarettes are bad for your health, especially for someone with such an action-packed career like Quinn.

• It’s sort of interesting to see what the rest of the cast are doing on their free day. Anime in general needs more of these “show” moments to flesh out its characters without bludgeoning its audience with pointless exposition.

• So the hostage-takers tie-up Nana Genie’s arms, but not Cecil’s. Well obviously, if they were geniuses, they wouldn’t have to resort to terrorism.

• I already don’t like where this episode is going. Remember how everyone yelled at Cecil for always relying on her magic to get herself out of sticky situations? Well, she’s in a sticky situation now. Not only that, children are in danger! Gosh, if only she could use her magic… my point is that I’m afraid this week’s episode’s only purpose is to vindicate Cecil, proving once again that she’s never, ever, ever wrong.

• The terrorists’ aims? To make a terrible anime! Sekai seifuku!

• Yeah, terrorists will break out into a speech about the nature of good and evil if you so much as ask them a question. Happens all the time.

• Yo, this episode is pretty dumb. It feels like an excuse to make Cecil cosplay just so we can see how a 17 year old girl’s “got it where it counts.” Thanks to this week’s shoddy animation, however, she just ends up looking odd.

• There isn’t even a point in asking why the terrorists would allow Cecil to play dress-up. I mean, just look at them. They’re self-admittedly evil terrorists. Not only that, they’re proud of it too. So obviously, this is one of those jokey fluff episodes. It’s just too bad that it isn’t funny. Hell, it could’ve at least been titillating despite Cecil’s age, but it’s not even that. I could at least respect the anime for getting one thing right, even if that one thing is something I don’t particularly care for. Unfortunately for Wizard Barristers, however, that outfit she’s got on is just plain ugly and the fanservice is nothing the average anime fan hasn’t seen a billion times before.

• Then the anime cuts back to Shizumu and Quinn, and they are both dead serious about the situation at hand. So all in all, a rather schizophrenic tone for the episode. I’m not laughing, but I’m also not exactly at the edge of my seat either since I know everything will be resolved by the end of the episode.

• I’m not sure why Quinn is now suspicious of Shizumu’s concern for Cecil’s safety. Yes, I know the dude’s shady and that the characters should be suspicious of him, but it doesn’t make sense to suddenly be wary of the guy now. You mean a cop is concerned about the safety of a bunch of hostages? No way!

• Nana Genie: “It’s fine that you’re acting like a hero, but at least win, bon.”
Chicken (I don’t know its name): “In the end, she’s just Bambi Red trying to look the part, koke.”

• So in the end, one of the kids gets carried off by the terrorists, so Cecil is allowed to use her magic after all. Well, she’s not just allowed to use her magic; she’s the only one who can save the day! So what did she learn? Absolutely nothing. You can’t yell at her, Seseri! It was for the children’s sake. Won’t anybody please think of the children! Aaaah, this show is so transparent.

• All of a sudden, it feels like I’m watching Power Rangers. Megazoid, activate!

• Just look at all the damage being done to the city though. Plus, Cecil drew metal from practically everything within a mile radius in order to summon her magical robot. This included ripping apart cop cars too. So… who’s going to pay for all of this? No wonder everyone hates Wuds. The insurance rate in Wizard Barristers must be through the roof.

• On the bright side, one of the episode’s messages is that the kids will see magic users as awesome and cool, and therefore the newer generation will not be as oppressive and discriminatory as their parents’ generation.

On the other hand, Cecil is such a Mary Sue.

Oh my, the Coupling potential…

Episode summary: Both the Imperial Army and the National Army of Zogilia are in hot pursuit of Cygnus. Meanwhile, Elvira lectures our pretty boys on the dangers of promiscuity, i.e. they can’t just go Coupling around unprotected or their Emphater waveforms will be forever damaged! Finally, the enemy manages to catch up to our heroes, but Aoba and Dio utilize their magical spearhead attack once more to defeat the pink-haired villain. I’d use his name but he’s already dead after just two episodes so who cares? Alfred then sends his squadron to attack the Cygnus, but gives them the retreat orders as soon as the good guys attempt to escape by entering a storm. Unfortunately, Hina is so hellbent on restoring her honor that she disobeys Alfred’s commands. In a struggle with Aoba, they both lose control of their mechas and plummet into the storm.

Thoughts:

• The anime had just told us last week that Dio and Fromm used to be in the same Coupling training program (it sounds strange when you write it out like that…). Nevertheless, Buddy Complex feels the need to show us what those days in training were like. Yes, showing is better than telling… so naturally, I have to ask why we didn’t get to see this scene last week. ‘Cause right after the OP, we’re right back to the present day. In fact, we don’t even revisit the past once for the rest of the episode. In other words, the cold opening was nothing more than a gigantically redundant waste of time.

• Lene: “Coincidentally, the enemy is also trying to use propaganda.” Lemme guess… it’s good propaganda when the heroes attempt to “rally the troops,” so to speak, but when the evil guys do it, it’s baaaaad. But y’know what, at least Zogilia didn’t make its officers strip down to their swimsuits. Hm, maybe that’s what makes Zogilia the antagonists of the series! They’re not willing to sexually objectify their women! Instead, you just see marching mechas and pink-haired men delivering inspiring speeches. Those cunning bastards!

• Did my subs just slide down to its proper location after the scrolling text had gone away? Wow, so fancy.

• Heh, the Gae Bolg won’t be defeated by some swan…

• Hey look, the enemy ship is using its electronic sensors! Quick, use your electronic jammers! Hey look, the enemy ship is releasing some sort of wave on the radar. Quick, neutralize the wave! D-does anyone actually find these scenes interesting to watch? Have these scenes ever been interesting to watch? These scenes on the bridge are practically required for any wannabe mecha show, but I’ve never ever been impressed by them. Not once. They’re always incredibly dry and incredibly lacking of any sort of action. It’s almost always just a bunch of people in a room screaming at their computer screens.

• So we can see that Coupling used to give people mental illnesses. Hell, I would’ve thought a mental illness was required in order to come up with this gimmick to begin with.

• So you need to find candidates with the potential to closely match their Emphater waveforms with the standard waveform, whatever that means. I mean, who discovered the standard waveform to begin with? But whatever… So the closer you get to the standard waveform, the greater your combat abilities will become during a Coupling session… or something. But Aoba is special! For no particular reason whatsoever, he’s got 100% compatibility with the standard waveform. As a result, he’s like the universal Coupler. He can get with anyone! Love and peace for all!

• But then we see that Dio’s compatibility is deteriorating the more he teams up Aoba. In fact, it’s gone all the way down to 60%. That’s bad! That’s a D-. And Fromm’s gone down to just 80% after only a single Coupling session with Aoba. Oh no! So maybe Aoba is like a Coupling vampire who saps your Coupling juices out of you. Y…yeah…

• But no matter what, people still have perfect Coupling with Aoba. It’s just that after they’ve been with Aoba, they can’t Couple effectively with anyone else anymore. It’s like once you go generic, bland shounen hero, you just can’t go back. Essentially, they’re all his concubines now.

• What makes it even worse is that Elvira’s got no clue whether or not the damaged pilots can restore their Emphater waveforms back to their original levels.

Y’know, before they did the dirty deed with Aoba. Aoba-kun, how could you…? You’ve ruined them for marriage Coupling! Their waveforms were so innocent and pure before they met you! I-I hope you take responsibility!

• But no time to ruminate on the terrible tragedy that has befallen our pretty boys, ’cause an enemy ship has managed to locate Cygnus. Sadly, it isn’t the Gae Bolg. Rather, it’s the Vajra! …I’m not sure why I exclaimed that last sentence. Just getting into the spirit of the anime, I guess.

• Wait no, the Vajra will instead give Cygnus’s coordinates to the Gae Bolg. Yes, full speed ahead, Gae Bolg, full speed ahead! By the way, Zogilia has both an Imperial Army and a National Army, and not only that, they have different chains of command. How efficient.

• Back to our three pretty boys, they have to decide from now on who they want to Couple with… for life. Gosh, that sounds like a serious decision to make. As a result, I really think we should carefully discuss the pros and cons of every possible course of action. ‘Cause y’know, it would be incredibly silly if we all just raised our fingers to the sky, then simply pointed to the person we wanted to Couple with on the count of three. Now you’re just taking the piss!

Whoops.

• That Fromm is such a bro. He willingly stepped aside so that the main girl can get her true luv~

• Dio: “B-baka, it’s not like I wanted to pair up with you! I-I just had no choice. It’s just that my Emphater waveform… a-a-and we couldn’t risk testing a Coupling with Fromm in a real battle, uguu.”

• Aoba: “Dio! Are you really okay with this?” Uh, he did just pick you, didn’t he?

• I like how during this latest battle of the week, Aoba already talks and sounds as if he’s a veteran mecha pilot. You can’t even tell anymore that he just recently became a recruit of the Alliance.

• But how will they win this week? The situation looks so dire! Our heroes are completely surrounded!

• Well duh, they’ll win the same way they’ve been winning every week: by relying upon one of the many gimmicks you can find in the Coupling system, which itself is already a gimmick. Yes, it’s the return of the Code T2 Rise! Fancy choreography? Pshaw. Careful strategic planning? Fuck that! We’ll just fly back-to-back, which will somehow create an impenetrable shield, thereby allowing us to ram our heads right through the enemy’s entire squadron of mechas!

Kind of… erotic, in a way…

• But even though Dio’s Emphater waveform has deteriorated greatly from the standard waveform, his potential is still increasing! A perfect Coupling brings the best out of both partners! It’s so romantic!

• Y’know, it might be a good idea to design mechas that don’t instantly explode into flames if they are severed in half horizontally at the waist. Just a thought… at the very least, give the pilots enough time to eject from the cockpit before the whole thing goes Michael Bay on their asses.

• But oh no, here comes Alfred. It turns out he was simply waiting for our heroes to decouple. Now it’s his turn to pounce! If… if only there was an intelligent commander to remind our heroes that there’s still an enemy ship lurking on the sidelines. Y’know, the same mystery ship that had detected Cygnus in the first place, thereby revealing the good guys’ location to the Gae Bolg? Yeah…

• What a joke. So the reappearance of the Vajra was for naught. Hell, they even sortied their own mechas just to pull back simply because Cygnus can easily escape into the storm. Well shit, why did you guys even bother then!

• Aoba: “Hina, stop it!” Yeah, as if that’ll work. You’re an anime protagonist, so you should know by now that no one in anime takes no for an answer.

• Hina: “If only… if only you hadn’t shown up!” Damn, Aoba’s ruined everyone for marriage.

• It’s amazing! The bittersweet ED song starts to play as Aoba and Hina’s mechas are intertwined with one another. Just as they’re both about to crash into Cygnus, Aoba pulls back somehow so that they both disappear into the storm instead. Dio can’t help but scream out his lover’s Aoba’s name futilely. After all, he knows as well as we do just exactly what’s going to happen in next week’s episode. Aoba and Hina will crash onto some tropical island where they’re forced to work together in order to survive. This experience will cause Hina to realize, “Gosh, this generic shounen hero isn’t so bad after all. That’s prime marriage material already! Take me now, generic, bland shounen hero! Take me upon your Gae Bolg!”

• Aaaaand if you check the previews for next week’s episode, Hina not only appears to be unconscious, but topless too! Wow~!

But no such luck for me. Alright, alright, here’s the belated update.

* * * * *

Nourin Ep. 6

Actually, this was a boring episode about the students taking advantage of both otaku and fujoshi interests in order to sell farm-related produce. For instance, moe eggs and something about how mushrooms resemble penises. Well, the commentary’s not supposed to be boring. In fact, we’re supposed to think, “Oh man, what a clever commentary Nourin is making on the commodification of the anime subculture!” But unfortunately, it was neither insightful nor was it funny. Why? ‘Cause Nourin doesn’t have the balls to be incisive. What you end up getting is a rather limp introduction to a topic that anyone with even half a clue about anime already knows all about. So that’s that.

* * * * *

Nisekoi Ep. 6

• “So my lunch isn’t exactly ordinary…” argues Chitoge. I’ll say! She’s got caviar, foie gras, truffles, lobster, shark fin spring rolls, fried sea urchin and filet mignon all in a single bento! But you know what she doesn’t have? Vegetables. Now, I don’t want to say that girls should only eat salads, but someone — regardless of their gender — who only eats those ingredients for lunch would probably have a difficult time… hmm, how do I put this delicately…? …basically, she’d have a hard time taking a shit, okay? And her blood pressure must be through the roof. All I’m saying is don’t hate the salad! Vegetables are awesome! Plus, who the fuck fries sea urchin? Who the hell shaves truffles and sticks them into a side compartment? You don’t eat truffles by itself! You eat truffles with something rich! Like pasta! Or risotto! That’s the problem right there: they can’t even stereotype a rich person correctly. And letting foie gras sit all day in a bento until it’s lunch time? Tsk tsk.

• Wait, what? Chitoge doesn’t actually know who saved her in last week’s episode? Are you serious? Oh Nisekoi, you’re really playing the tsundere angle hard, aren’t you? Our maiden then goes from bitching about the guy to blushing profusely upon the realization that she owes him her life. Oh dear, I hope she takes responsibility… But there actually comes a point when you can ‘tsundere’ too hard, y’know? Like when Chitoge exclaims, “And in the first place, why should I thank a guy like him?” Does anyone actually think girls act this way? No, of course not. Most well-adjusted girls do not act this way. But it’s clear that the harem lead doesn’t want the average girl. He wants this weird caricature of a girl that will maintain her tsundere-ness even after he saves her life.

• But man, that Raku sure is a pick-up artist: “Still, you better keep an eye on that stomach of yours.” Wow, dude… just wow. Can you go a day without negging the girl? He continues, “You eat way too much meat, every single day.” Hey, that’s what I just said! I should be the harem lead!

• So Chitoge’s first attempt to thank Raku goes down in flames. I didn’t know why it is so hard to say, “Thank you.” In her second attempt, it looks as though she wants to make him his favorite meal or something. Y’know, you could just send him a letter. Or a card. That would work too. I mean, it’s not like you guys are dating or anything…

• Chitoge: “I guess I… You’re actually more manly in some ways than I thought.” Tsundere characters practically write themselves.

• Naturally, the guy misunderstands Chitoge’s intentions. She simply wants to thank him for saving her life. He thinks she’s talking about their kiss. Misunderstandings are so endearing! A failure to communicate properly is so cute, guys! You know what else is adorable? Violence! Therefore, we get to see Chitoge hit Raku for the third time in just the first ten minutes of the episode! Oh man, it’ll be so cute too when he hits her back for not having dinner ready…

• So I guess the cat’s out of the bag: our blonde heroine thinks she’s good enough friends with Ruri and Kosaki that she can just reveal to them that her relationship with Raku is a sham. As a result, Ruri wonders if Chitoge will have a problem with another girl hooking up with Raku. The latter proudly proclaims, “Oh please, I’d hand him over on a silver platter with a ribbon on top!” Boy, I bet she’ll regret saying that.

• So this latest bit of news emboldens the typically shy Kosaki. She wants to confess her true feelings to Raku before she loses the chance yet again. But like I’ve said, Nisekoi follows a strict, unchanging pattern. First, things will look like they’re on the up-and-up for Kosaki, but then the pendulum will violently swing back in Chitoge’s favor. Just you wait and see.

• Somehow, Raku manages to not notice that he had dropped his Godzilla of a pendant onto the ground.

• Chitoge ridiculously asks, “…then why did you rescue me? I thought you didn’t like me?” Can you imagine someone actually acting like this in real life? Some dude looks at his paramedic and pouts, “U-uguu, why did you defibrillate my chest? You don’t even know me… :(“

• So here comes Chitoge’s fourth attempt to thank the guy, a.k.a. apologies in the English language are so moe!

• Meanwhile, Kosaki still can’t quite spit the words out even though she told her friend she’d confess her feelings. Whatever happened to slipping a letter into a guy’s shoe locker? C’mon anime, remember your roots!

• Oh no, here it comes… here it comes…!!! …nope. A baseball ruins the moment by crashing through a nearby window. Indefinitely deferred, remember? And somehow, Raku is already halfway out the door before he remembers that the girl was about to tell him something heartfelt. Why does Kosaki like him again? It can’t be because he’s intelligent. Oh right right, he’s prone to freak out just because he thought she was having a fever. What an amazing quality for a guy to have.

• Raku even walks away thinking, “Man, those words… and her body language… you would think she was trying to confess to me! But haha, no way!” Mensa’s just itching to get their hands on this guy.

• What’s even more outrageous is Kosaki rationalizing that she’s glad she couldn’t confess. I repeat, she’s glad: “I’m hoping that what we have right now will last a little longer…” Who the hell thinks like this? Oh right, girls in a harem anime where plot development is forever indefinitely deferred until its creator just can’t milk the cash cow any further.

• So Chitoge finds and repairs Raku’s locket, returning it to him by the end of the episode. And with that, she thinks to herself, “Now we’re even.” Yes, a pendant is about as valuable as a life in anime logic.

• And then it turns out Chitoge once made a promise with a boy when she was young too! Oh my god, who saw this coming! And just like that, you can’t deny that Chitoge’s back in the lead. After all, if she’s that childhood friend, then she has to win. ‘Cause who cares about befriending a nice girl, dating her for a couple years, then marrying her? Pfft, talk about lame, grandpa. We all know true love is all about a stupid promise made by a pair of grade schoolers so long ago that their puny little minds can’t even remember whether or not the event had occurred. Now that’s romance!

* * * * *

Saikin Imouto no Yousu ga Chotto Okashiinda ga Ep. 7

• Say, didn’t Nisekoi open with a bento box? ImoCho‘s opening with one too! Oh my god, the harem anime are in cahoots! It’s a worldwide conspiracy!

• So Ayaka teases, “It’s about to get colder, so if you don’t exercise, you’ll get fat before you know it!” Wait what?

• But it turns out Mitsuki doesn’t like to exercise. In fact, she’s really bad at it despite that one time Hiyori took control of her body and ran incredibly fast! ‘Cause muscles ain’t real, man. Magical ghost powers are where it’s at.

• Hiyori vehemently disagrees with the idea of Mitsuki joining a club because it would “take away flirting time with our big brother!” Poor Mitsuki. If she doesn’t comply with the ghost’s demands, she goes to hell. If she does comply, she can’t even do anything fun on her own. What a wonderful life.

• So we get to see Mitsuki awkwardly attempt to play sports in the myriad of after-school clubs. The gist is that Mitsuki sucks at sports, but Hiyori is magically awesome at it… somehow. Normally, this would be a praiseworthy thing, but in ImoCho, Hiyori is only athletically gifted so that she can finish the matches quicker. Why does speed matter? So that she can rush home and flirt with her big bro, of course! So actually being athletic isn’t a boon whatsoever. It’s ostensibly a bad thing if it keeps you away from cultivating an incestuous relationship.

• In any case, the anime’s just being incredibly repetitive right now. Uguu, I suck at tennis. Hiyori, please take over! Done. Uguu, I suck at soccer. Hiyori, please take over! Done again. Rinse and repeat for practically half an episode. And since this has nothing to do with Harem Hill, I’m just gonna fast forward…

• Actually, Hiyori nearly signs Mitsuki up to the Soccer Club, but she reneges at the last minute only because it would mean moving into a dorm and going abroad for competitions. In the real world, people would jump at the chance to make new friends, see new places, and experience new things! In anime world… you’d rather have your brother’s dick inside you instead of all those wonderful things I just listed. Yep.

• Meanwhile, Yuuya is also looking to join a club. It just so happens that he and Mitsuki manage to visit the Kendo Club at the exact same time! Oh boy! And hey, Yuki’s here too! What a coincidence! As a result, Hiyori wants to have a match against her rival in hopes that Yuki embarrasses herself in front of Yuuya. Typically, whether my girlfriend wins or loses in an extra-curricular competition has little bearing whatsoever on how I feel about her. But ah, how could I forget! This is anime land! If Yuuya sees Yuki defeated, he will totally think, “What a pathetic woman!”

• Unfortunately, the protective mask stinks too much for Hiyori to even compete. As a result, Mitsuki is forced to take the brunt of Yuki’s attack, which quickly knocks the weak girl to the ground. By anime logic, however, this is a win for Mitsuki because big bro is being all protective and shit: “What were you doing, getting serious with a beginner!”

• In fact, Yuuya’s really getting into it:

Yeah man, she’s someone‘s little sister, alright? I’m not saying you have to respect her or anything, but if a big bro’s feelings are involved, then you better step back, son! Just think of how inconvenient those lecherous come-ons will feel to her brother.

• Shotaro (addressing his sister): “Besides, if I’m stupid, then genetically, that makes you stupid too!” Yeah… uh, I don’t think so.

• Anyway, Mitsuki doesn’t have much luck with the cultural clubs either. Apparently, the girl isn’t good at anything. Man, if only she wasn’t possessed by a ghost so that she could spend her free time cultivating a personal hobby that will help her grow as a person… I’m just kidding! This is anime so her only sense of worth lies in how moe she is. Fuck hobbies!

• In any case, Mitsuki and her big bro meet up again at the Theater Club. In fact, she sees him up onstage. What’s the play, you wonder? “A love story of a man torn between his step-sister and his girlfriend.” Yep.

• The acting is incredibly bad, but hey, I realize that this is on purpose, so don’t get on me about it. Rather, despite the fact that the acting is purposefully bad, Mitsuki thinks to herself,

It’s just that easy to make a girl jealous. Then somehow, they manage to stick Mitsuki into a wedding dress unbeknownst to Yuuya himself. Mitsuki is then thrust onstage to act as though she’s marrying her big bro. Why did she agree to this, you wonder? Wasn’t she embarrassed by the fact that she had to flirt with him, you ask? Well, you can conveniently forget the girl’s last six episodes of character development because a single shittily-acted play is enough to drive the girl jealous enough to do something as ridiculous as this.

• And so Mitsuki, who doesn’t even know her big bro all that well, blurts out, “Don’t fawn over someone who isn’t your little sister!” Jesus Christ.

• It’s also rather conspicuous that — all of a sudden — Hiyori is nowhere to be found.

• But wait, Mitsuki hasn’t yet humiliated herself in a sexual way this week! That’s okay, the anime hasn’t forgotten. Somehow, Shotaro’s sister trips and falls, causing not only Mitsuki to fall over, but the poor girl’s dress to be torn right in half:

But then we see Mitsuki wake up from her bed as if it was all just a dream. What’s this? A harem anime taking pity upon one of its heroine?!

Wait, that’s not right. This must be a dream too! So we see the poor girl wake up again… this time to a genderswapped Hiyori:

But it turns out that this too is a dream. When will the girl finally wake up? Don’t worry. She eventually does. Not only that, she gets a text message from her best friend that pretty much confirms that Mitsuki did expose herself to every single person in the gymnasium that day. Phew, and here I thought the anime was going to show Mitsuki the tiniest bit of pity, but I should’ve known all along that any sort of sexual humiliation is as real as can be.

• You got that right:

Very gallant, Mitsuo. Very gallant. But unfortunately, the anime has done you a disservice. I really feel for these two; I really do. They were relatively nobodies in the story until the narrative needed to kill Mitsuo. So all of sudden, we’re spending all this time with these two characters, listening intently to their thoughts and concerns. Despite this, I still felt a pang of sadness when the guy had to let go of Chiharu’s hand. Nevertheless, I say the anime’s done a disservice to these characters because there would’ve been a much, much greater impact had the anime taken the time to flesh out these two pilots from the very beginning of the story. Of course, in doing so, you end up making them ‘important.’ Perhaps not as important as Kal or Claire themselves, but you run the risk of turning these two into major characters. Y’know, like Ari or Ignacio. Why is this a narrative risk? Because most people don’t like it when a major character dies. Unfortunately, this is a necessary evil sometimes in order to tell a good story.

Ultimately, this is one of the biggest problems plaguing anime in general. Storytellers are just too afraid to kill off any of the important characters even if it would make for a better story. That’s why something like Game of Thrones can manage to shock audiences left and right because most of us can never tell who’s going to live and who’s going to die. Just as soon as you think someone might end up being the hero or the heroine of the tale, they get killed and without any mercy whatsoever. I’m not saying I enjoy Game of Thrones — trust me, I don’t — but I can at least respect it for having the guts to do whatever it takes to entertain its audience. People actually cared when Robb Stark died and you should want that. Whenever a death occurs in a story, it should evoke emotions from the audience (unless you’re trying to make some sort of point about the senselessness of war, but I don’t think that’s what this anime is going for). I’ve heard people actually say that they needed take a break from watching Game of Thrones as a result of the “Red Wedding” episode.

On the other hand, are any of you guys going to take a break from Toaru Hikuushi e no Koiuta after seeing Mitsuo’s heartbreaking sacrifice for Chiharu’s sake? And will anyone feel torn up emotionally as a result? The answer to both of these questions is no, isn’t it? Well, who can blame us? After all, they’re not important characters. I mean, it sucks that that the guy had to die, but y’know… there’s just not enough of an emotional connection between this very brief and hastily-developed love story and the audience. In a better narrative, Mitsuo would have been a major character from the very start of the show. He could’ve been one of Kal’s foil or something. Yes, I know Ignacio is already a character foil, but you can have more than one, y’know? And had he been one of Kal’s foil, we might’ve been rooting for him at every twist and turn of the plot. Then when he dies, it’s like a small part of us dies as well. Now that’s storytelling. But instead, you don’t start caring about Mitsuo until it’s plainly obvious that it’s his time to exit the stage. In the end, his bravery could’ve meant so much more. But… it doesn’t.

Episode summary: The knight commander sends out his fleet to attack the enemy head on, but it turns out they’ve been fooled. The real enemy fleet is set to attack Isla in the cloak of night. On a recon mission, Mitsuo and Chiharu spots the real enemy fleet in time to send a warning message back to Isla. Despite the students’ best efforts, however, Isla’s pilots run into trouble when the enemy forces turn off their lights to conceal themselves in the darkness. Mitsuo and Chiharu realize that they need to fire a flare gun in order to reveal their enemies, but in doing so, they will be noticed and thus shot down. Nevertheless, the two kids take the risk in order to protect their home. In their attempt to escape, Mitsuo is hit in the abdomen with a bullet. Whether or not his injury is fatal — and it most likely is because that type of wound tends to get septic — he decides to sacrifice his own life to save Chiharu’s. He misleads her into thinking that they’ll both eject from the plane, but at the last second, he stays on to lead the enemies away from the parachuting Chiharu. Sonia and Bandareas end up in the right place and the right time in order to save the girl. Still, the battle rages on, and Kal, who had been previously ordered to provide AA support, decides that to enter the fray.

Notes:

• Well, there’s still something wrong with Sonia’s face:

I guess last week’s ramen was just that good. In any case, my hopes for this episode aren’t high.

• How do the people of Isla feel about these recent developments though? The show has tunneled in so hard on the students’ daily lives that we hardly know anything about Isla’s society and how it thinks. What is its culture like? Is any of them apprehensive about the journey to the End of the Sky? How do the adults feel about the militarization of their children?

• Well, how very lucky for our main characters. They get to stay behind in order “to provide AA support.” I wonder if anyone’s going to be bitter about this. After all, it looks like a disaster is looming.

• Wow, look at this amazing aerial combat:

It’s like two very angry groups of gnats buzzing around each other. It’s even funnier when they all move in formation through each other:

I mean, I wasn’t expecting Top Gun or anything, but c’mon now… they could’ve done a whole lot better than this.

• What an idiot: “Everyone’s so lucky, getting to go on the recon…” Claire tries to reassure her boyfriend that their mission is just as important, but we all know it isn’t the importance of the mission that matters to Kal.

• But providing AA support still isn’t quite safe enough for our dear shoujo governor. As a result, her countess comes to retrieve both her and Ignacio. Yes, it turns out Ignacio had been Claire’s bodyguard all along. Still, I half-expected Claire to put up at least some form of resistance, but I guess not.

• The countess wants Claire to inspire the people of Isla even if she can no longer command the wind. I guess only a small group of people are privy to the fact that their priestess has long lost her powers.

• Not that it’s surprising, but does the show’s soundtrack feel really cheap to anyone else? It’s like some guy’s just hammering away at a synthesizer to create a tense musical piece The sound effects don’t fare much better either. Isla’s cannons sound like flapping fabric slowed and pitched down. I dunno, it’s all just rather ratchet.

• At some point, someone’s sense of self-preservation’s gotta kick in. I’m not saying that they should all ignore the orders that they’ve been given, but the students all seem very passive and accepting of their fates. The older-looking student is like, “This is a war. We have to be willing to risk our lives.” But for what? All you guys wanted to do was to find the End of the Sky. Is that really worth going to war over?

• Why did Mitsuo start bleeding from his forehead?

• Okay, it’s a little too convenient that Bandereas happened to be in the exact right place and the right time to rescue Chiharu. C’mon Toaru Hikuushi e no Koiuta, quit while you’re ahead. In other words, don’t ruin what has been a decent episode thus far. Yes, this episode has been decentish… the production values in the first half are still garbage though. Yeah, the anime looked okay once it started to focus on Mitsuo and Chiharu’s tragic love story, but it could’ve been a great episode from start to finish.

• So we finally get to see where the “barbarians” are coming from:

I don’t love world-building, ’cause I feel like anime is often too… clinical with it, if that makes sense? Basically, a story should make me feel something; it should be an emotional experience. Whether it makes me cry, laugh, excited… whatever. The exact emotion it evokes is not important. What’s important is that I feel anything at all. The problem that world-building runs into is when it only manages to be mildly interesting at best. Still, world-building is necessary from time to time in order to give the audience the proper perspective with which to view and comprehend the events of the story. And I think Toaru Hikuushi e no Koiuta would’ve greatly benefited from just a teensy, tiny bit of world-building… so long as it isn’t boring. After all, we’ve been floating through episodes after episodes of nothing but clouds and the ocean beneath. Out of nowhere, a giant hunk of rock appears and this is supposedly where the “barbarians” are from. Something about the show just doesn’t feel like it flows organically from one episode to the next, and the lack of world-building, I think, is a large reason why.

• Hm, that’s an anti-climactic way for the episode to end. It just faded to black, and then the credits rolled. Welp, show’s over!

Oops, I didn’t mean to stereotype my neighbors of the north. I’m sorry.

Episode summary: Inari almost grants Akemi her wish, but pulls back at the last second. She confesses to her friend that she was once jealous of her, and this seems to have helped the two girls bond. Afterwards, Akemi and Maru become friends. The former then confesses to everyone but Keiko that she has a crush on Keiko. Meanwhile, Uka pays Touka a visit so that they can play video games.

Thoughts:

• So the opening is a short recap of what happened at the end of last week’s episode. Seeing the weepy Akemi just reminded me of something that incredibly annoys me about shows supposedly featuring little kids: “I’ve kept my distance… built walls…” No kid in middle school talks like this. They simply don’t. But sadly, most anime characters are indistinguishable from each other. Had they not told us that these girls are in middle school, we would’ve been none the wiser.

• Oh dear, the episode is subtitled, “Touka, Mistress Uka, A Woman in Love,” which means I get to to listen to Touka’s terrible voice acting all episode long.

• Why’s the video quality so bad all of a sudden? Just bad compression or what?

• So in the end, Inari backs off from the idea that she should grant Akemi her wish. I’m a little lukewarm about this development. On the one hand, I’m glad the girl is smart enough to realize that A) it would be highly irresponsible to give your powers away and B) it wouldn’t even solve anything. On the other hand, I think it’s cheap to end last week’s episode on a cliffhanger to only then pull back at the last second.

• It’s a good thing that Inari shared her own insecurities with Akemi. Not only does it show she has a lot of trust for her friend, it reveals a surprising amount of maturity in her character as well. I mean, it’s not easy to open up and reveal your flaws to anyone, much less a friend.

• The anime’s soundtrack kind of reminds me of Joe Hisashi:

Both he and Inari‘s composer probably draw from the same influences.

• Maru: “Y-you can call me Maru… if you want.” Oh lord. Every anime’s the same.

• All of a sudden, the music swells to a crescendo, Akemi goes slack-jawed, then the characters breathlessly nod at each other like… “Yeah…! Breakthrough!” Thank god life isn’t actually like this. If every moment of the day was full of grand gestures, I think I’d die young from all the emotional exhaustion. To be honest, friendship in real life just sorta happens. People just start hanging out with each other, and no one really gives it a second thought… unless they’re neurotic. I guess that’s the thing: our stories are neurotic.

• There’s just something incredibly unnatural about the way inner monologues are constructed in not just Inari but every like-minded anime. I just think they’re not quite as stream of consciousness as they should be, if that makes sense. They’re too well composed, too apt, too coherent, etc.

• Akemi finally manages to call Maru, well, Maru. Then once again, everyone pauses for a second and beams at each other as if we have just undergone yet another breakthrough. This is too corny for me.

• I almost wish we’d get the part where Touka and Uka fall in love with each other. Nah, just kidding. Please don’t do that.

• Wow, this is surely a romance worth rooting for:

Anime and anime fans are obsessed with event flags, but how ’bout a red flag when you see one? And what’s a bigger red flag than a guy palming a girl’s head as soon as he sees her? “What a well-adjusted young man,” said nobody ever.

• Touka: “I’m an indoorsman.” Right, “indoorsman.” Not a shut-in, okay? There’s a subtle difference.

• Red flag number two:

C’mon now, don’t tell me the alarm bells aren’t going off.

• But seriously, this is what I don’t get: why do we make a big deal out of the small things, then proceed to ignore the negative implications of the big things? Case in point, we had just spent a third of the episode pretending as though calling someone by their preferred name is an emotional breakthough. Alright, alright, you can say that my heart is black if you want. You can say that I just can’t appreciate how this is a story of the power of friendship between girls or something. Sure, whatever. So then why do you turn around and have Touka physically abuse Uka as if it’s okay? What sort of fucking example is that?

• It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s just fucked up, man. The fact that he suddenly turns around and looks all concerned for Uka’s health doesn’t make his previous abusive actions okay or insignificant. Yes, you could say he’s actually a good person beneath his rough exterior, but there are plenty of people out there who are never, ever abusive. Not even once. You don’t need to solve some sort of enigmatic puzzle just to discover their good side. It’s just always there.

Besides, it’s not your damn responsibility to fix a person. That isn’t to say that a relationship can’t help both parties grow and mature, but if someone willingly enters a relationship expecting the other party to just endure their serious flaws and problems, then they’re just being selfish. And no, your love is not true just because you’re patient enough to endure another person’s abuse. Now, I’m not saying that relationships are reserved for perfect people and perfect people only, but we should at least set some sort of standard. Have some respect for yourself. You deserve better than being someone else’s doormat because I’m sure you’ve got problems of your own to worry about too. I’m reminded of a line from one of my favorite movies: “Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m gonna make them alive. But I’m just a fucked-up girl who’s lookin’ for my own peace of mind; don’t assign me yours.”

Even if Uka is a lonely goddess whose idea of romance comes from visual novels and visual novels only, she deserves someone who doesn’t immediately resort to violence whenever he’s annoyed. It’s just irresponsible and dangerous to think that love is this magical panacea that can and will cure all of life’s ills. I-If I just stick around long enough, he’ll see how much I love him and change for the better! But then you run into the flip side of the problem: he’s a person, not a project. And yes, I’m aware that there are exceptions in life, but people set their expectations as if the exceptions are the rule and not the other way around.

• So the girl who has been incredibly shy and submissive in the last episode and a half suddenly confesses her feelings for Keiko to both Inari and Maru. I hope for her sake that Keiko is also homosexual (or at the very least bisexual). Otherwise, this is going to be awkward for both parties.

• It’s kinda funny that Akemi confesses this while watching Keiko beat a shuttlecock around.

• Yeah, Maru’s reaction is what I mean when I say anime treats homosexuality in a fetishistic manner. Would she be just as excited for Akemi and Keiko if it didn’t resemble her stories? And shouldn’t she consider Keiko’s feelings on the matter? What if she isn’t homosexual? Plus, she’s only in middle school. Hell, there are adults who still struggle with understanding their own sexuality because this shit isn’t black-and-white. It isn’t a light switch. Some people’s sexuality are fluid. How would Keiko feel if she thought she was letting one of her best friends down just because she doesn’t know who she is yet? I just think you need a defter hand to deal with these issues properly.

• Red flag number three: Touka throws his controller in anger when he starts losing at video games.

• Red flag number four:

He’s got a tiny head. Okay, so maybe that wasn’t a serious red flag… or is it?

• Oh god the voice acting. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, young Touka shows up.

• Let’s flip the genders. Let’s say it was a male god saying to a female Touka (Touko?), “Only ten years, and look how much you’ve grown.” Yeesh, I’m already getting the heebie-jeebies. I guess it’s supposed to be endearing that Uka once helped a young Touka find his way home, but the whole thing just reminds me of how the manga version of Usagi Drop ended.

• How the hell did Inari buy a bottle of sake?

• Inari: “I don’t need to tell her about that divine power showing up, right?” Why not? What’s the use of hiding it? If Inari had done the right thing — and it would appear as though she did — why would telling Uka about it make her worry? If anything, it would reassure the goddess that Inari’s got her head on straight.

It is the only way to clear your conscience.

Episode summary: The COVERS begin to assimilate their human victims, which causes everyone to flee in terror. Unfortunately, Mako gets caught by one of the COVERS outfit. In one last ditch attempt to stop her mother and also save her allies, Satsuki presses a self-destruct button which causes the entire stadium go up in flames. We then fast forward a month where all that remains of Honnou Town are the grim specters of patrolling COVERS and street rats fighting to survive in the gutters. We then learn that the Four Devas have joined forces with Nudist Beach in an attempt to resist COVERS, but Ragyo’s nefarious plan has managed to crush every last academy in Japan.

Not only that, Ryuuko is in a coma and Satsuki has been imprisoned by her mother beneath the remains of Honnouji Academy. When COVERS locates the Nudist Beach base of operations, Gamagoori tests out their latest secret weapon: a vacuum gun that can extract humans from the COVERS, thereby saving them and disabling the COVERS at the same time. The COVERS then morph into harps so that they can play some sort of deafening song, but this somehow wakes Ryuuko from her coma. She then uses her Scissor Blade to extract a bunch of humans from the COVERS in one swing.

All is not well, however, when Ryuuko proclaims that she’ll never put Senketsu on again. Meanwhile, Ragyo intends to enslave Satsuki with a new Godrobe, but the latter swears that as long as she lives, she still has a chance of victory.

Thoughts:

• In the Human/Life-Fiber hybrid, all that remains of the human itself is a shrunken, mummified head. As I have written before, this has terrible implications:

“The process of mummification involves the removal of a person’s organs, leaving behind only a lifeless husk albeit well-preserved. Essentially, what makes us human has been removed. Of course, no actual organs are being removed in the anime, but that’s why it’s a metaphor. Ragyo even alludes to this process of dehumanization herself: “Such wonderful silence… the cacophony spewed for by the foolish creature known as humanity fades away, and nothing but tranquil fibers will fill the world.” This is the end result of of the commodification of humanity itself. Humanity loses that which defines its nature: the ability to reason. Without reason, we can no longer defy and rebel. And through this process of mummification, Ragyo’s subjects become lifeless husks that can no longer protest. They’ve become the faceless employees of REVOCS, or in other words, the obedient zombie slaves of capitalism.”

Some key points are simply being reinforced, most notably how the victims are now “faceless.” Now that everyone has been reduced to the same shrunken head, they are indistinguishable from one another. The true test of COVERS’ powers, however, will be seen in its attempt to mummify Mako. She has been one of the more unique characters in the series. I mean, it’s hard to imagine a commodified, zombie-like Mako without any personality. After all, she has been nothing but exuberance personified. If COVERS manages to assimilate even Mako, then this is a frightening depiction of commodification reaching its logical end point. I have a feeling it will fail, however, as Kill la Kill does not seem to be either pessimistic or cynical.

• I still remain unconvinced that Ragyo is bending to the will of COVERS and the original Life Fiber. There are no signs that the original Life Fibers are even sentient. If Life Fibers exist to enhance, which makes sense considering the role Life Fibers have played in guiding human evolution, then perhaps it is plausible to think that the Life Fibers might also enhance one’s own moral character or, in Ragyo’s case, lack thereof.

Let’s suppose it wasn’t the Kiryuuins that discovered the original Life Fiber. Let’s say it had been another family instead — a benevolent family. Do you think the same COVERS plan would’ve taken place? Do you think we’d be watching the enslavement of humankind through relentless commodification? Essentially, I’m speculating that the Life Fibers are neutral. They have no skin in this game, so to speak; they exist merely to propagate their own existence and, at the same time, enhance whatever they attach themselves to. Ragyo is evil, so the Life Fibers in her possession are evil by extension. Ryuuko is… well, she is not exactly the paragon of morality, but she is ultimately a good person. And likewise, although Senketsu’s moral character was murky at the start of Kill la Kill, but it’s clear by now that Senketsu is one of the good guys.

• Ragyo: “Very few humans are merged this perfectly with Life Fibers.” If that’s the case, then I wonder what she failed to see in Ryuuko when the latter was just a baby.

• Damn, look at Gamagoori scream out for Mako:

Maybe those shippers were onto something.

• A self-destruct button would suggest that Satsuki didn’t think her plan had a 100% chance of succeeding. Naturally, I have to ask how high she thought her chances were to begin with. She’s a confident girl so probably still north of 50%, but I wonder…

• Damn, a month has passed.

• The sight of the human-form COVERS floating through the city stalking for victims is kinda neat. All of a sudden, we’ve become a horror story. No longer do we think of the red strings of Life Fibers as being the red strings of fate. Instead, they look frayed and macabre and thus more akin to guts and gore.

• I guess the Four Devas have decided to join Nudist Beach. I can’t say I approve of Nonon’s new look:

Oh, I’m not really complaining about the fanservice. C’mon, if I really wanted to complain about the fanservice, I would’ve been ranting about Satsuki’s tremendous assets from last week’s episode. Rather, I don’t approve of Nonon’s new look because her Ultima Uniform was so stylish! I know, I know, the Four Devas’ uniforms contained Life Fibers, and considering the effects of COVERS, wearing an outfit made out of Life Fibers is probably a very bad idea. But c’mon… where’s your sense of style! Joking aside, there is nevertheless a poignant point to be gleaned here. Yes, the Life Fibers are evil, but they look so cool! The special abilities you get from wearing them don’t hurt either. So unless you prefer seeing a half-naked Nonon bounce around the anime, which I’m sure a lot of you do, she simply looked cooler in her original Ultima Uniform. But ah, that’s the thing, isn’t it? Isn’t it the case that we often choose to ignore the moral implications of our material desires?

Who cares if something comes from dubious origins so long as it’s cool! So long as it makes other people jealous of us! Oh, you say brand name products are being made in sweatshops? You’re saying that Apple electronics are being put together by overworked and underpaid Chinese laborers? On the one hand, that all sounds horrible. But on the other hand, these victims are in far off places and the iPhone just looks so damn neat! At some point, however, we can’t keep ignoring the cognitive dissonance forever. And eventually, the only way to clear our conscience is to be like Nonon: get naked. Not everyone wants to clear their conscience though.

• Too bad her new look doesn’t come with a new voice.

• So all that remains in Honnou Town are the street rats, i.e. kids who are forced to survive in the gutters. They are perhaps the least valuable members of a commodified society. They have no money to spend, and they are too weak to be exploited through labor (in a first world country anyway).

• It was a given that Sanageyama would lose his Ultima Uniform. Hell, I even voiced these same concerns last week:

“And yet they depend upon Life Fibers. That can’t end well. I wonder how or even if this apparent dissonance will be resolved.”

Like with Nonon, one way to resolve the dissonance is to get naked, either willingly or forcefully. Sanageyama tried to hold on to his Ultima Uniform for too long. Of course, Senketsu is an exception, but then again, Ryuuko herself is an exception. Everyone else sees their Ultima Uniform as nothing more than a tool to be used in combat. On the other hand, Ryuuko typically treats Senketsu as if he’s a friend or a family member of her own. Of course, it would be easy to tell the likes of Sanageyama to emulate the heroine of the story, but where would he begin?

• And this is what I mean when I said, “Not everyone wants to clear their conscience though.” Tsumugu wonders why there hasn’t been any media or public outcry from the COVERS incident. Aikuro explains, “The masses have already been mentally influenced.” Inumuta then adds, “Clothing made by Kiryuuin Ragyo’s REVOCS Inc. has spread through the entire population. The Life Fibers woven into them are manipulating the minds of their wearers and devouring any unnecessary information from their brains.” Yes, this is what is literally happening. But don’t forget that stories are also metaphorical, and the subtext here is that people are materialist.

Materialists don’t care what’s happening so long as they are satiated by their conspicuous consumption. Life Fibers literally “devouring [the] unnecessary information from their brains” is no different from people simply choosing to ignore that their precious, head-turning t-shirt came from a sweatshop in Bangladesh. You could say that the prestige they get from being able to wear such “fine” clothing also “devour[s] any unnecessary information from their brains.” Sad to say, the fact that people make pennies per hour in some third world country is often an “unnecessary information” to a lot us.

• So all along, sticking her students in the Ultima Uniforms was Satsuki’s way of building up their resistances to the Life Fibers. Kinda like that idea that you can build up your resistance to poison by swallowing a bit of it everyday day or something. But was it a necessary evil on Satsuki’s part? I have not been persuaded as far as this question is concerned.

• Sukuyo (to Senketsu): “If I were twenty years younger, I’d wear you in a heartbeat.” Nevermind the fact that doing this would probably kill her — I mean, it’s not like she’s aware of that — but let’s be honest, it doesn’t look as though she’s twenty years older whatsoever. In any case, we learn that Ryuuko’s been in a coma for the past month. We don’t exactly know why, but perhaps Barazo’s words can provide us with a clue or two: “But the wound from when her heart was pulled out has already healed completely.” Yes, that wound has healed, but what about her heart itself? It’s not everyday that a person learns that her mother is an evil witch hellbent on the enslavement of humankind. Not only that, she now realizes that her own father withheld a lot of crucial information from her. And finally, she actually got to see that her very own heart is made up of Life Fibers. As such, it’s not surprising that our heroine has been shocked into a coma.

• Geez Gamagoori, calm down: “Listen boy! I will rescue your sister no matter what! I, Gamagoori Ira, will devote myself, body and soul!” I guess there must’ve been hints about him and Mako that just completely flew over my head. Oh well, I’m not a shipper. I don’t really care who pairs up with who.

• I’m not a big fan of this scene between Ragyo and Satsuki. I like the caged bird metaphor the show’s got going with Satsuki, but it’s Ragyo’s lines that I take exception with. It just feels too unnatural. It’s more exposition than a natural conversaton: “So you planned to defeat me using students in their late teens, who hadn’t lost that resistance.” Why would Ragyo feel the need to say that out loud? I just think Kill la Kill has been pretty smart thus far, so this sort of madman villainy from our antagonist is lame and offputting.

• Plus, I still haven’t quite figure out Ragyo’s need to sexually abuse Satsuki. My best guess is that it plays into her narcissistic personality, i.e. it’s her way to dominate and shame a person that she had a hand in creating. Something like a perverse version of “I created you, so I can destroy you” that you often hear from certain parents. But of course, Satsuki is half Ragyo, so it’s also masturbatory in a way.

Something then occurred to me. Put yourself in Satsuki’s shoes. How would you feel as you’re being spanked like a child and sexually molested by your own mother? Possibly humiliated and ashamed, right? And what would be your first instinct? To cover yourself up, right? Ah, to cover yourself up in clothing. Well, the last time this same thing happened between these two characters, Ragyo’s words were pretty telling: “Humans are such fragile beings. When we’re naked like this, anxiety overcomes us. It makes us want to hurry up and cover our bodies in the wonders known as ‘clothes.’” So let’s think about what Ragyo is attempting to accomplish here. Her daughter had just rebelled against her a month ago. She thus wants to break her daughter’s resolve, hence “[h]umans are such fragile beings.” By forcing Satsuki to be naked, Ragyo can then prey upon her daughter’s flesh, and in doing so, she hopes that anxiety will overcome the girl. She wants to humiliate and shame her daughter so that Satsuki will, as Ragyo had claimed, “hurry up and cover [her body] in the wonders known as ‘clothes.’” Come back to clothes, she’s trying to say as she’s abusing Satsuki, “if you want to rid yourself of this shame.” But we can’t forget that Satsuki has a powerful resolve; she doesn’t care about the shame of being naked. As a result, one might naturally think she isn’t ashamed of her mother’s abuse either.

• That’s just nuts:

It’s also nuts that he can change his posture so easily. I cringed at the sound of his spinal bones cracking.

• So the initial speculation that Satsuki is still bound by her family’s legacy still hasn’t changed. Yes, she rebelled against her mother, but she failed. As a result, we get to see her bondage in several different ways. First, the obvious: Satsuki is literally bound by her wrists. Not only that, she’s trapped within a human-size bird cage. Second, she is bound by her anger towards her late father. After all, she never knew that Ryuuko had been her sister all along or that Nudist Beach had been her father’s creation. Finally, Satsuki’s bound by the Life Fibers once again. We learn this week that Nui’s working on creating the ultimate Godrobe, one that will force itself upon Satsuki. One can naturally presume that this new Satsuki/Godrobe hybrid will serve as a potent weapon in Ragyo’s arsenal should Ryuuko ever return to resist her and COVERS.

What’s been lost in all this sibling talk is how Satsuki must now feel after hearing all of these revelations. Somewhere deep inside her, I think she’s coming to the realization that she’s always been the inferior child. After all, Ragyo created a new baby simply because she felt Satsuki was too old for that experiment the evil woman attempted to fuse her children with Life Fibers. Granted, Ragyo thought the experiment failed with Ryuuko too, but as we can see from the start of this week’s episode, this isn’t the case. Ryuuko’s heart is living proof that the experiment — or some future iteration of it — ultimately succeeded. Not only that, Isshin, a.k.a. Souchirou to both Satsuki and Ragyo, escaped to raise Ryuuko in secrecy.

One thus can’t help but feel pity for Satsuki; it’s hard not to think she was abandoned by her own father. Of course, you can argue that he did what he thought he had to do. You can also argue that he put his faith in Satsuki to remain strong despite having to be in Ragyo’s care. But if you put yourself in Satsuki’s shoes, it’s hard not to feel as though she has been betrayed by her own father. And despite all of this — despite the impression that Ryuuko’s been the Golden Child all along — Satsuki still managed to achieve so much. And the key here is that she’s done it through the strength of her resolve and her resolve alone.

Satsuki’s story almost reminds me of Gattaca in a way. Gattaca is an American science fiction film about the implications of genetic manipulation. The main character was conceived through traditional means, and as a result, is seen as inferior to his brother, who had been conceived through genetic manipulation. In the end, however, it is the “traditional” brother who accomplishes more in life because we are more than what’s encoded in our genes. How is this relevant to Kill la Kill? You can already argue that Satsuki has been more successful than her little sister in life, but nevertheless, it is Ryuuko who gets to be the heroine of the story. What will Satsuki choose to do now? Will she continue to show that the strength of her resolve alone is enough to carry her through the end of the series? Or will she succumb to to her “inferior” genetics and become one of Ragyo’s pawns when she is forced to wear the new Godrobe? Naturally, I think Satsuki will win out against her mother, but we’ll see.

• Inou creates a giant vacuum gun that our heroes can use to extract the human victims from the human-form COVERS. How lucky of Gamagoori to save Mako on the very first use of the gun. I realize that’s why Guts was barking around that human-form COVERS, but still, you gotta admit that that’s one hell of a coincidence. On the bright side, the fact that Guts can still detect Mako shows that even the mass commodification of humankind can’t erase our humanity completely. As I said above, Kill la Kill does not strike me as a cynical or pessimistic sort of anime.

• Naturally, Ryuuko can accomplish the very same thing with her Scissor Blade and she’s a lot faster at it too.

• Unfortunately, our heroine is now suffering from an existential crisis. She can’t deny the pain and suffering that the Life Fibers have caused, but unfortunately, she sees herself as a product of Life Fibers. As such, Ryuuko hates herself, and her self-loathing extends to even Senketsu. Ryuuko is “genetically superior” to not just her sister but everyone else around her, and this is thus the source of her self-resentment. Her sense of guilt forces her to go naked even though she’s never had a reason to doubt Senketsu. But even though she’s technically going naked, she still covers her nakedness with a cloth and I think this is very key in understanding Ryuuko’s regression.

Ryuuko’s suddenly ashamed of her nakedness all over again like how she used to be at the start of the series. Contrast her behavior with Mako’s from just a few moments earlier. Although Mako was surprised to find herself in her birthday suit, she didn’t reflexively cover herself up as though she was ashamed of it. Ryuuko is ashamed, however, which is why it also makes sense that she then allows her anger to return and dominate her actions as it had once done so before. Finally, remember how Ryuuko was reluctant to wear Senketsu shortly after she allowed her anger to take control at the midpoint of the series? She now swears again that she will never put on Senketsu.

As for Satsuki, she’s the “genetically inferior” sister, and I would suggest that this is the potential source of her resentment. Throughout the series, her calling card has been the purity of her will, but now even that is being threatened. Ragyo taunts her for a reason: “…I suggest you bring the rage in your heart to a boiling point! The deeper your rage, the more useful you are to me!” Ragyo hopes that Souchirou’s apparent betrayal will cloud Satsuki’s heart and, as a result, Satsuki will become like her sister and act purely out of anger. This anger will then allow Satsuki to “get eaten by [Nui's Godrobe].” Without her purity, she won’t have the same strength of resolve to resist the Life Fibers; she won’t be able to override it as she had done repeatedly with Junketsu. And again, Ragyo’s words are pointed: “Yes. [Satsuki] was dying to wear this outfit as soon as she could.” She wants her daughter to “die,” i.e. lose her resolve.

What Ragyo doesn’t realize, however, is that the “genetically inferior” sister is mentally stronger than she had predicted: “Damn you, Ragyo. You let me live so you could use me, did you? Well, that was a miscalculation on your part. So long as I still draw breath, I, Kiryuuin Satsuki, still have a chance at victory!” As Ryuuko’s foil, Satsuki remains resolute despite everything that’s been thrown at her in the past two episodes. One can’t help but think Ryuuko is too easily swayed by her emotions. Instead of seeing the Life Fibers within her as a blessing, Ryuuko sees it as a curse and gives up all too easily on not only her symbiotic relationship with Senketsu but her own self as well. Meanwhile, Satsuki never gives up. Even upon the realization that she’s all too human, she won’t be bend to anyone’s will but her own.

Oh my…

Episode summary: Takeshi’s sword is giving him bad dreams. Not only that, it’s also sapping him of his “magical” energy. By the way, his sword is a shoujo — a pink-haired shoujo. Heh. So anyway, if he doesn’t force his pink-haired shoujo of a sword to submit, he will die. So he does just that. The end.

Notes:

• The very first thing I see when I start up the episode:

Even when the bland shounen hero is removed from his natural habitat, his instinctive need to grope a female body kicks in. Despite floating upon a bed of blood beneath a purple moon — so purple that it would make Prince shed a tear — the furtive male stretches his arms out in desperation. The grim spectre of breasts casts a pall over Takeshi.

• As if summoned, an anime female screams Takeshi’s name as she runs to him:

Upon closer inspection, however, one realizes that she is not a female at all but a simulacrum of one. All the anatomical parts are there. All the organs are there. Except… the brain.

• And then, tentacle rape:

‘Cause lulz it’s anime!

• Don’t worry, y’all. It was just a dream. Even better, his sword turns into a pink-haired shoujo ’cause, again, it’s anime. The more girls the merrier. You might be wondering why a phallus symbol would turn into a girl, but look at it this way: the girl makes his sword rock hard and ready for battle!

• So even though Mui’s bro had been mind-controlled for practically most of the series thus far, now that he’s back on the good side, let’s have him instruct the students! No worries!

• Girl presents pink, heart-shaped box to boy. Boy stares at heart-shaped box. Boy asks, “What’s this?”

• Again, girl presents pink, heart-shaped box to boy. Girl’s brother asks, “Do you like him?” Girl emphatically replies, “No! You can just leave right now, Brother!” Girl’s brother then goes back to the Trailers. Oh how I hope…

• Boy sees all of this unfold. As boy is holding the pink, heart-shaped box that he had received from girl, he comes to this brilliant conclusion: “I never knew Tsuganashi-san had such a sister complex.” Yes, boy, this scene was all about someone else’s sister complex. Mm-hmm. Just go back to having wet dreams over the tentacle raping of your childhood friend.

• Jealous blonde then appears out of nowhere. Jealous blonde also presents boy with a pink, heart-shaped box. Oh dear, both girls bought chocolates from the same catalog. How embarrassing. Boy gets type-2 diabetes from all the sweets. Rest in peace, boy.

• I’m just kidding. Boy goes, “Huh? Is this…?”

• It turns out girl and jealous blonde both made their chocolates together. Two girls, one chocolate batch. Mmmm, the kitchen must’ve smelled nice that day! So far, this episode sure has been a pile of chocolate, I’ll tell you what.

• “Though you don’t seem very excited to get my chocolate…” accuses the jealous blonde. Boy says, “That’s not the case. Thank you!” But you’ll notice, however, that his eyes are looking off to the side:

Still, jealous blonde blushes anyway. This empty gesture placates the envious beast lurking beneath her tsundere facade.

• “I-I want marshmallow,” demands jealous blonde, “Marshmallow from Telmar! And you can buy a gift for Mui there too.” Oh the best laid plans of mice and anime female simulacra.

• Look at Takeshi’s dainty hands:

Look! That’s all I wanted to highlight. Let’s continue.

• Takeshi has another nightmare that night. This time, it involves Mui and a giant flan pudding. So when he dreams of Kurumi, she gets tentacle raped, but when he dreams of Mui, she just falls out of the sky when she tries to dive into a giant flan pudding. Alrighty then.

• I’m beginning to think Mui’s bro has no right eye…

• Oh no, it turns out Takeshi has the ability to see the future through his silly dreams. The very next day, he learns that Mui tripped and fell down a flight of stairs in her hurry to get — you guessed it! — pudding. Oh dear, so a tentacle raping is in the cards…

• Upon hearing that his friend injured himself, Kazumi goes, “Nice!” I agree! Nice!

• Takeshi then faints outta nowhere. Exhaustion from fapping all night to his dreams, probably. He wakes up briefly to receive a scolding from the school nurse, then goes back to sleep. Riveting storytelling right here, guys. This time, he dreams of that bespectacled dude from last week’s episode. Y’know, the one that was fighting the school’s headmistress. No, I don’t know who they are either. In any case, the evil dude isn’t alone; Takeshi’s sword girl is there too. Ooh, mysterious.

• Takeshi starts to half cry, half grunt in his dream or something, and this freaks the school nurse out. She then proceeds to slap him hard repeatedly in an effort to wake him up. Like, really hard.

• She then scolds him some more: “How long?! How long have you been having nightmares?! Why didn’t you come to me sooner?” Yeah man, why isn’t a grown boy running to the school nurse every time he has a scarewy-warey dream? How could he have not realized that nightmares in the Ruined World can… *ominous music* …KILL YOU?

• So the school nurse proceeds to give Takeshi — and us by extension — a lecture on nightmare magic. For some reason, the camera panned to her legs which are in stockings:

It’s relevant to the discussion, I’m sure.

• Oh no, Takeshi’s dreams will come true! Watch out, Kurumi! Well, I should say it’s more like “Brace yourself…” Our hero also learns that his sword is sapping him of his “magical energy,” and that he must not allow his sword to have free reign any longer! Hehe, energy-sapping sword…

• Enough kidding around! If his sword saps Takeshi of all his energy, he’ll grow hair on his knuckles and lose his eyesight die! And we wouldn’t want him to die, now would we? So why not just take his sword away from him? Why not just make him find himself a new Aspect? Nah…

• That night, Takeshi ignores his nurse’s orders and sleeps with the sword by his bedside again! It’s just like, “Lulz, fuck her; I do what I want!” But seriously, he just wants to see those prophetic visions even if he can’t change the future. So the headmistress of the school gets involved, and she’s all like, “Yo, if you wanna solve this problem, you’ll have to do battle with the girl in your dreams.” Is there a solution in anime that doesn’t involve doing battle? Pfft, only if this was an eroge.

• Man, the headmistress quickly relented. At first, she was like, “OBEY OR I WILL CONFISCATE YOUR SWORD.” She even threatened to stab our hero in the neck with a pen or pencil when he talks back to her. Classic Asian mom technique. But within a span of a couple minutes, she’s completely changes her mind: “It’s okay; you can do battle with your sword and I’ll make sure you don’t die. I PROMISE.” Y’know, I’m not even mad. That’s impressive flip-flopping.

• School nurse casts “Pillow Wave.” Yep, that’s a spell name.

• The anime always cuts to one of the bad guys lurking on the school campus, usually behind a tree or some shit. Goddamn, why not hire some security guards or install a camera or two? Do you guys even care about the safety of your students? No wonder so many of them get mind-controlled…

• So Takeshi enters his dreams to do battle with his sword and Mui tags along too. Because she insisted. Nobody else bothered to object. What would be the point of objecting anyway? She insisted. Consider the matter settled.

• They go through a doorway and find themselves on a sunny beach. All of a sudden, Mui is in a bikini. Awesome!

• Then Takeshi trips and falls upon her, which causes her bikini to come undone. As you can see from the screenshot directly above, and the screenshot at the very top of this post, Mui’s bikini is both tied in the front and the back. Wow, such innovation. Anyway, are you sure you’re not an eroge, Mahou Sensou? Maybe we won’t have to do battle after all…

• In the distance, our hero spots his sword girl sitting on a swing. Time to kick her ass! Ah, but if only Takeshi’s mom didn’t appear out of nowhere to ruin the fun. Fucking Oedipus complex.

• And now Gekkou shows up too. Aw man, a dude in my dream? What is this? And his sword is even stronger than mine: “It can pierce even the strongest shield!” Quit overcompensatin’, lil bro.

• So Twilight finally enters the battle and our hero’s all like, “I will make you obey me!” Geez, dude…

• Anyway, Twilight’s about as interesting as every other monotone Rei-clone ever, i.e. not very. I get it; she’s a personification of a weapon so she doesn’t have much of a personality. Uh huh, so why do you have to make sure she’s such a cute-looking shoujo? Why bother detailing how she looks, but not how she acts? Pretty telling, isn’t it?

• When Takeshi swears he won’t give up, Twilight attacks Mui instead. As a result, Mui’s magical powers are now slowly draining out out of her. If Takeshi doesn’t give up now, his friend will die. Wow, how could we have prevented this from happening? Maybe… maybe we shouldn’t have allowed a student to tag along on such a dangerous mission… Oh my bad, I forgot that Mui had insisted. You can’t argue that.

• But he can’t give up, yo! The headmistress told him that his relationship with Twilight is like that of parent and his child. She’s his daughter, yo! You wouldn’t abandon your cute, pinku-haired daughter, would you? Naw dawg, that would be a horrible waste of a perfectly functional shoujo. Raise her then marry her. That’s how we do it!

• Takeshi then goes, “I’m sorry. I never gave you the thing you wanted most.” So Twilight replies, “I am a sword, dumbass.” Okay, so she didn’t call him a dumbass, but you can totally tell she wanted to. Anyway, she continues, “I do not have a heart or wishes of my own.” Yeah, dumbass. Swords don’t have wishes.

• But Takeshi counters, “That’s not true. You do have a heart.” ‘Cause you’re a real anime girl, Pinocchio! And then our hero proceeds to solve everything by… by?!

• Takeshi: YOUR NAME IS ETERNA. NOW WHAT’S YOUR NAME!
Twilight: IT’S TWILIGHT KINTE.
Takeshi: I know you understand me, and I want to hear you say your name. WHAT’S YOUR NAME, GIRL!

• Yatta! He did it! Then a month later, he buys marshmallows for his girls. See? He knows how to treat them right.

• The opening guitar riff at the end of the episode kinda sounds like Seinfeld. If only.

Always use protection, kids.

Episode summary: Yato shows up at Hiyori’s school because his latest client is a bullying victim. He then gives the kid a pair of box cutters in case the latter wants to confront his bully. In the end, the kid tries to, but realizes that it would be a mistake to kill anyone (I’ll say!). Meanwhile, Yukine lashes out in anger even more when he sees how happy kids are in school, and how he wishes he could’ve been like them. This results in Yato’s condition worsening, but when Hiyori drags our god to Kofuku and Daikoku, the Regalia erects a Borderline to keep our heroes out.

Thoughts:

• Here’s a reminder that if Yato doesn’t do something about Yukine, he will die. So of course, Hiyori mutters to herself, “It’ll be okay… right?” Not sure where you got that impression, girl.

• So anyway, Hiyori’s in the school restroom washing her hands when Yato shows up outta nowhere. To us, it’s obvious that he got summoned for a job, but in typical anime fashion, the girl character freaks out and physically abuses the male character. What gets me about the scene is how Hiyori flashes her panties anyway. It’s just such a stupid scene that contributes absolutely nothing to the anime whatsoever ‘cept “Hey, we haven’t seen her panties in a while! So have a look!”

• Yato’s latest client is a victim of schoolyard bullying. Or at least, that’s what he claims. I’m not calling him a liar. I just wish Hiyori’s transition from uber-mad to wistful empathy would be a little more gradual. Instead, as soon as the kid said the word ‘bully,’ it’s like a switch has been flipped. Make Hiyori’s change in demeanor more gradual and thus more organic. I’m not saying Hiyori should call the kid a liar, but nobody’s emotions shift that quickly on nothing but a personal testimony.

• Yukine, on the other hand, feels no pity for the kid. Man, Yukine really needs a therapist, but where do you go about finding one in the spirit world?

• Watching Yukine put on the school uniform, acting out what it would be like to greet a teacher, and doing someone else’s schoolwork just confirms the idea that the kid needs structure. He craves discipline, but not just any discipline. He needs discipline from a proper leader, which neither Yato nor Hiyori can provide. Yato’s too much of a free spirit; our god exists to live in the moment. Meanwhile, Hiyori’s just a child. She’s barely any older than Yukine, and considering her background, I don’t think she’s ever had to face a single day of hardship in her life. To make matters worse, Hiyori only sees Yukine as a friend, but that’s no fault of hers, though — don’t get me wrong. Friendship is awesome… or something. But it’s clear that Yukine needs a big sister type more than he needs a friend.

It’s not just about listening to Yukine’s feelings like Hiyori suggested to Yato last week. He’s young and thus restless. Kids need someone to instill a purpose in them until they can learn to find their own purpose in life. He’s alienated from everyone around him because he’s got nothing to shoot for. He doesn’t go to school, he can’t necessarily set goals for himself, Yato does most of the work during their jobs, etc. On the other hand, Yato obviously has his goal in “life:” become a popular god. And Hiyori has the luxury of having a normal childhood until she can figure out what she wants to be. Yukine missed the boat on that one.

• “Let their bodies hit the floor,” says the Phantom. Then it roars.

• Ah, if only the Phantoms were scary and not fuzzy, lil’ balls that you just wanna snuggle to death:

• It seems like every time Bishamon’s Regalias manifest into their human selves, Bishamon is back in her snazzy outfit instead of that weird get-up she’s normally in. So you’re telling me her clothes disappear when they become her weapons?

• Things getting serious between Kofuku and Bishamon whenever Yato comes up in the conversation. I kinda wish we could learn more about the other gods and what they think of this bad blood between Yato and Bishamon. Kofuku’s words would suggest that something really bad will come about if her two colleagues keep clashing with one another, but aside from her and Lord Tenjin, Noragami‘s pantheon seems utterly bare. Where are the rest of them? Speaking of which, we haven’t seen really seen Kofuku and her Regalia in combat, have we? I wonder what’s the extent of the pink-haired god’s powers…

• Please anime shoujos… please stop hitting people at the drop of a hat.

• Man, anime loves box cutters. Apparently, Yato gave Manabu, our bullying victim… uh, a pair of box cutters so that Manabu could challenge his bully to a duel. Well, not really. It’s supposed to be a test of the bullying victim’s character or something. As in, “Yeah, your life sucks, but it would suck even more if you commit homicide.” Oh well, they do say god(s) work(s) in mysterious ways. What a dangerous gambit though. I mean, what if the bully was like, “Yo, I ain’t nobody’s bitch!” and then proceeded to stab Manabu when the latter dropped his box cutter? I guess the assumpton is that Yato would’ve intervened in time to prevent this from happening, but you never know what could happen. Seems a little too risky too me. I know the old adage is “Heh, all bullies are really just wusses underneath,” but you wouldn’t really wanna bet on that, would you? Well apparently, Yato would. Ultimately, I just think it’s naivete to think every bully’s just going to piss his or her pants at the first sign of confrontation.

• “But I guess people are gonna go back to ignoring me now,” says Manabu. Yeah, I don’t think rumors of threatening a classmate with a box cutter is going to pay off for you, buddy.

• Yato’s solution? “You just need one friend!” But good luck finding even a single friend with all the rumors swirling about. Again, it just seems like another short-sighted solution from Yato here. Who’s to say the bullying won’t get even worse? The bully could just make sure he has people with him next time so that they can overpower Manabu. Who’s to say the school won’t get involved? Yato goes, “The other kid peed his pants. I doubt he’ll tell anyone what happened.” Uh, the bully could just lie about that and just say he was threatened by Manabu outta nowhere. What if Manabu gets expelled? Ah, whatever. Believe whatever you want, Yato.

• Hiyori wonders if Manabu will really be alright, but c’mon girl, can’t you hear the hopeful piano track playing in the background? It means everything’s going to be A-OK!

• Meanwhile, the situation with Yukine is getting worse…

• Daikoku putting up a barrier at the first sight of the blighted Yato must mean someone’s going to lose control of themselves as result of the corruption. I guess next week’s episode will be exciting.

Raspberries.

Episode summary: Butterfly Law Office is heading to Boston so that they can share their knowledge and experience with another law firm. Cecil then takes a trip to Canada. Natsuna is forced to come along. A whole lot of nothing happens. A whole lot of nothing happens some more. Then the girls run into the guys at the rival law office in some Canadian diner. The end.

Notes:

• Quinn: “The suspect fired at point-blank range and missed, but Shizumu landed all of his shots… What is this uneasiness I’m feeling?” Oh you know what it is. C’mon, you know. It’s like Shizumu’s a… magician!

• Meanwhile, Cecil needs to catch a plane to… Boston? Wha?

• In fact, the whole gang’s going to America. Well, not the whole gang, but most of them. I wonder what customs would say about familiars.

• Hachiya goes, “But this trip is only five days and three nights.” Wait what? Are the subs wrong or did he really say that?

• Wow, this is some first class shit:

• Idle banter on a plane… pretty dull scene.

• So both of Cecil’s parents are alive. Dad’s just somewhere off in America, apparently. I don’t even know; I’m just grasping at straws to find anything even remotely interesting about this episode. As you can probably tell, I’m not having much luck.

• Yes, “Welcome Butterfly Low Office.”

• Man, look at our killer billboards. One says “OPPORTUNITY.” The other says “FAMOUS BRANDS FAMOUSLY EASY.” What are these billboards trying to sell? Who knows!

• Really? Our heroes get picked up in a Volkswagen Bus? Of all the cars to choose from, this is the one you guys pick?

• Holy shit, look at the steering wheel on that thing:

Everything is bigger in my country!

• I thought we were going to Boston, so what’s with the “Holly wood Fwy” and “San pedro” exit signs. This looks suspiciously like southern California to me.

• Yay, montage of a law office. Riveting! The soundtrack during the montage sounds like something straight out of a visual novel.

• So while the rest of the girls go sightseeing in Boston… y’know, right down “Holly wood Fwy,” Cecil will apparently be taking a detour to Canada. That doesn’t seem like much of a detour, but hey, it’s a small world! Not only that, she’ll be taking a rental car to Canada. Oh, it gets even better. Cecil and Natsuna are driving from Boston all the way to Lake Huron. What the Christ? Yeah, just an 11-hour drive to Canada during our five days and three nights trip to America. What of it?

• So the car breaks down on the freeway, and we waste two minutes to learn that Natsuna knows her way around a car engine. Yep, I’m glued to my seat.

• Now the girls are sharing childhood stories.

• At the 14-minute mark, the girls come across a hitchhiker. Oh how convenient! Not only is the hitchhiker a cute girl, she’s also Japanese! Lucky! This means everyone can understand one another! It’s like we never even left Japan! So anyway, our hitchhiker’s name is Kaede, and she’s a cute Japanese girl somewhere between Boston and Lake Huron. Why? ‘Cause she’s even going the same way as our heroines! And to top it all off, she’s even studying to become a wizard barrister! Wow, Disneyland was right. It is a small world after all!

• The girls are now talking about their favorite horror-action movie, Lethal Vampire. There’s only about four or five minutes left in the episode. Fuck me.

• At the 17-minute mark, the girls stop at a store with a killer name:

Oh I’ve been there!

• Yes, I know the implication here is that Cecil started studying for the bar exam since she was 13, because she wanted to clear her mother’s name. This isn’t, well, very interesting. We kinda already knew this. Of course, we didn’t know Cecil’s exact age for when she started down the path to becoming a wizard barrister, but we all knew she is in it for her mom. The exact age is honestly an unimportant piece of information that only serves to add to Cecil’s “Mary Sue-ness.”

• Natsuna: “To get a guy, you have to get them by the stomach first.” Or, y’know, a guy could cook for himself and not reject a girl with tons of great qualities just because she can’t cook.

• Out of nowhere, we learn that Natsuna has an unrequited love for one of her former professors. Ah geez…

• And now they’re stargazing.

• So anyway, the cat’s finally out of the bag: Cecil tells the other two girls about her mom’s situation. Boy, can you imagine how Natsuna must be feeling at this very moment? She’s been giving Cecil shit all series long because she thinks the young girl’s full of herself or something. But whammo, it turns out Cecil’s only a prodigy because she has to be. Wooboy, Natsuna must feel like a total jackass… yeah, in terms of analysis, I’ve got nothing.

• Man, I just don’t care about Natsuna. I equally don’t care about her budding friendship with Cecil. Who gives a shit? What about the weirdo Wud prophecies? What about Shizumu’s two-faced character? What about something actually related to the goddamn law? Nope, nope, we gotta go on a camping trip with three cute girls instead!

• Oh boy! The girls have finally made it to Canada! And they’re hungry. Might I suggest poutine?

• Of course, in a Canadian diner, the girls come across Geah Grim, the notorious serial killer that they were warned about in Boston. But who else should they find there?!

The guys from the rival law office!

• Somebody just shoot me please.

Welp, sucks to be that guy.

Episode summary: Kal and company take off to defend Isla, but they are outnumbered and suffer heavy casualties as a result. Claire tries to help, but she still can’t channel her lost powers. Luckily, Kal and Ari luckily make it out alive anyway (was there any doubt?). De Alarcon receives a letter from some emperor and the episode ends on that note.

Notes:

• Looks like the enemy bombers still manage to make their way to Isla proper. So much for Mitsuo’s sacrifice last week. I feel like the start of this week’s episode just ends up cheapening the poor guy’s death even further.

• Old people in anime always look so odd. Like, you know how most anime girls look, right? They all have the same facial structure pretty much. But when you look at the countess, her face is so angular and gaunt that it’s hard to imagine how the average shoujo will turn into that over the next few decades. Just something that struck me as funny, I guess.

• I’m surprised Ignacio hasn’t used the chaos and confusion of the current situation to carry out his revenge on Kal. It seems like it would be the perfect opportunity to commit a crime unnoticed. Actually, maybe he’s going to do that right now…

• You’d think with Isla’s level of technology, i.e. a flying island, they’d have mounted guns on every fighter. Having the students fight back with handheld rifles seems like a suicide mission to me. But somehow — just somehow — our students still manage to take out quite a few of the enemy fighters by themselves. They’re all crack shots and those hulls are pretty flimsy, I guess.

• The city of Centezual’s getting ripped apart, but like with Mitsuo, we hardly know anything about Isla outside of its flight acdemy, so… I can’t say I’m getting too worked up about this apparent tragedy. If the narrative’s not willing to develop its characters and setting to a satisfactory level, you can’t blame me for not caring.

• “Don’t die, Wolf. I can’t make Ari-men without you!” Snort.

• A bunch of people end up dying, but I don’t really feel anything for them. As far as I’m concerned, there are only four well-developed characters in the show: Kal, his sister Ari, his girlfriend Claire, and his foil Ignacio. But even then, this isn’t entirely true. You could easily make the argument that only Kal and Claire are the characters that are truly well-developed. In any case, Ari gets hit in the shoulder, but let’s be honest, she was never going to die. You just knew she was going to be alright in the end. Same with Kal. It’s even funnier when a mysterious blue fighter just shows up out of nowhere to save his ass. How convenient, huh?

Anyway, my point is that even Ari’s injury has little to no emotional impact, because there simply isn’t any tension in The Pilot’s Love Song. Ari even got to look super cool when she did that about face to take out an enemy fighter. Meanwhile, Fausto’s death is meaningless because he’s been a jerk all season, so it’s kinda hard to convince me to care about him now. Wolfgang’s death is meaningless too, because he has even less lines than Mitsuo. They were nobodies in the story, and they got sent to their graves like fodder. What makes it even worse is that their deaths are senseless, but not even in the “Oh, I’m ruminating on the pointlessness of war” sort of way. Their deaths are literally senseless because we have no context to which we can understand this present conflict.

We know next to nothing about the enemy. We know next to nothing about the Holy Spring. We know next to nothing about why Isla is so hellbent on this pilgrimage to the End of the Sky. We know next to nothing why the entire populace is going along with this crackpot plan. We just get to see a bunch of kids die for no reason whatsoever. I don’t even have a clue who’s right and who’s wrong. But it’s not like, “Oh, this conflict is morally ambiguous.” No, it’s not even that. Instead, you literally have no clue what either side stands for. Maybe Isla and its inhabitants are the invaders, but even then, we don’t really know. It’s just all a big ol’ mystery. Yes, not every character that dies in a war story necessarily has to be well-developed, but at least give me something work with.

I can certainly feel for a dying character in, say, Platoon, because I at least know what the conflict was all about. I can at least understand the plight of young kids being drafted into a brutal war being waged all the way on the other side of the planet. The Vietnam War itself serves as a linchpin for the drama even if I don’t personally know the dying soldiers all that well. As for The Pilot’s Love Song, we know nothing. There’s nothing to tie any of these events together. We have two sides and they just happen to be fighting one another. I guess I’m supposed to root for the kids because I’ve seen them serve ramen and camp out in their swimsuits or something, but it just doesn’t work that way. You can’t just tell me to start caring; it’s not a light switch.

You wanna know where my emotional investment is? I’m vaguely interested in seeing how the Kal, Claire, and Nina Viento dynamic plays out, because — well, guess what! — that’s what the show has focused on till now. I mean, when you devote flashbacks after flashbacks toward a singular storyline in the narrative, you can’t just suddenly get me to care about the plight of the dying unknowns in a hazy conflict. So naturally, the eponymous love story is the only storyline I really give a damn about.

• How will Isla, a rather isolated floating island, go about rebuilding its infrastructure after that relentless bombing attack? It’s only fitting that Sonia called it a “pure defeat.” I wonder if any of the populace will protest or even their concerns about the rest of this pilgrimage. I’d find it highly odd if nobody complains in next week’s episode.

• So Kal’s sobbing his eyes out when Ari suddenly wakes up and calls him an idiot. Not only does she wake up, her eyes are wide open. She’s not even severely tired, exhausted or weakened. At best, she’s kinda groggy, but that comes with the territory of sleeping for long hours. Basically, Ari just seems like her normal self! Y’know, despite Ari saying that she was bleeding a ton and it doesn’t look like Isla has much of a blood transfusion program going for it. And then she makes Kal get into the bed with her. That seems sanitary.

• “But we can’t be scared and beaten forever,” says Ari. Forever? Yes, this would be an excellent point to make… if there was actually a pattern of people acting scared and beaten outside of this very instance of Kal weeping by his sister’s bedside. The story knows what it wants the audience to feel, but it’s unwilling to work for it. So it’s funny to hear Ari then follow up with, “Instead, work hard, so you can fly better next time!” Yo, why don’t you follow your own advice, anime?

• Oh boy, now they’re fighting over who’s older. I’m sure you guys are very touched by this example of sibling love.

• Next week, I guess Kal will find out that he’s been consorting with Nina Viento all along. Can’t wait!

Woman, please… can’t you see I’m busy watching my shows?

Episode summary: Nobunaga wants to get to the bottom of his brother’s death, so he decides to walk right up to Lord Shingen and ask if the enemy leader’s responsible for Nobukatsu’s assassination. Shingen denies it, which Nobunaga believes wholeheartedly, but in the end, they both do battle anyway. ‘Cause, uh, they just gotta. In the end, Nobunaga wins, but before Shingen can pass his Regalias onto our hero, Caesar strikes out of nowhere and finishes Shingen off. Nobunaga is forced to retreat, and Caesar takes control of Shingen’s men by blaming their lord’s death on the Fool.

Notes:

• “Is there no one here?!” Nobunaga screams as he holds his creepy childbride in his arms. Well, no… nobody’s here. They all died for your sake, man.

• Oh God… oh God nooooooooooooo:

Don’t you fucking tell me she survives this! Don’t you even do this to me, anime!

• For some reason, I’m surprised to see that they have this level of medical technology. Then I remember that everyone does battle in gigantic samurai mechas and thus balance is restored to the anime universe.

• Nobunaga gazes upon his brother’s corpse and mutters, “Why?” Gee, I don’t know. Maybe… just maybe everyone could’ve talked this out, and our heroes could’ve arrived at a suitable diplomatic resolution. But no, the Fool had to stomp around half naked, pissing people off left and right. It’s kinda hard to open up the channels of communication when half the party is missing-in-action. This sort of forced Nobukatsu’s hand, y’know. He kinda had to assume leadership because his brother was off to God knows what. But of course, Mitsuhide wasn’t gonna have any of that! And as expected from a fervent follower of the Fool, our would-be assassin had little to say to anyone before putting a bullet through Nobukatsu’s heart.

Now, I’m not saying diplomacy would’ve worked, but whatever the fuck Nobunaga opted to do instead certainly didn’t help alleviate the situation. I mean, if you wanna paint this tale as some sort of heart-wrenching tale of political intrigue within one of the most famous Japanese clans ever, you kinda have to at least go through the motions of pretending as though the characters have any sort of intelligence. Instead, you’ve got a macho ape creating a mess everywhere he goes until everyone dies around him, then all of a sudden, I’m supposed to feel sorry for the guy?

• Honestly, I think it would’ve been better if the show had followed history a little closer, and made Nobukatsu more of a threat to the Fool. I think that would’ve been a little more believable. Instead, Nobukatsu is just this sad caricature of a “beta male.” So then Nobunaga gets to blame himself, i.e. play the martyr, and reap the pity as the audience goes, “N-no way, man! You didn’t do anything wrong!” You’re right! He didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, he didn’t have to do anything. Everyone else is just so colossally incompetent that Nobunaga gets to win by default. And hey, everyone in his family but his prized bird of a sister is now dead! Woe is the Fool; how sorrow has gripped his heart!

• I suppose despite all that medical technology, which will somehow magically save creepy childbride’s life — just you wait!! — this same world doesn’t have any sort of ballistics analysis, does it? Ah well, of course not.

• Oh hey, did you notice Jeanne has returned? I thought she was dead set on leaving. Does she even have a good reason to return?

• Ichihime ruminates, “I don’t remember when, but Brother told me that he will bring an end to the chaos.” Yeah, his chaotic actions in the last few episodes will certainly help advance that cause. You could argue that a warrior must be forged from the fires of hardship or something stupid like that, but if that’s the case, then like I’ve said, the story should’ve done a better job than painting everyone as a dumbass just begging to be killed left and right.

• Jeanne whines, “If only I was stronger… Nobuhide and Nobukatsu might still be alive.” What does that even mean? Stronger in what sense? What could she have done to prevent any of these tragic developments? Was she gonna block Mitsuhide’s bullet? Was she supposed to climb into a War Armor and jump between Caesar and Nobuhide? I mean, what does this even mean? The fact of the matter is that it doesn’t mean anything. She’s just saying cliche shit that we’ve come to expect in stories like this.

• So the War Council convenes to discuss Nobukatsu’s untimely death. One guy blames the Takeda clan. Another guy blames other clans of conspiring to instigate a full-blown conflict between the Oda and Takeda clans. Even better, another guy goes, “I believe the perpetrators have not gone far.” What’s so special about all of this is that not a single one of them have even a single shred of evidence to back up any of their claims. Basically, you’ve got a bunch of grown men sitting in a room, screaming assertions at one another. As the saying goes, “In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.”

• Nobunaga then announces his bold plan to just ask Lord Shingen outright if the Takeda clan is responsible for the crimes: “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to start a fight. I’m just going to talk.” Oh… oh, now you want to talk.

• Nobunaga decides to walk right up to Lord Shingen in his War Armor. But guys, he’s not going to start a fight! Just chillin’ in this cockpit with a hunk of meat jerky in one hand, and Jeanne behind his back. Just another day in the Fool’s manly life! But it’s okay, ’cause Shingen allows Nobunaga to do just that, i.e. walk right up to him. Even though the two clans have been openly hostile to each other, I guess we have too much honor to just eliminate the current leader of the rival clan right here and there. But of course he wouldn’t. It would be cowardly! Just as Nobunaga suspected, “It’s written all over [Shigen]‘s face. He thinks he can crush Oda without such cowardly tactics.” Both manly men then begin to laugh. Hehehehehehehe.

Hahahahahahahahaha. Jeanne’s face basically says, “Shit, I’m surrounded by psychos.”

• And as manly men are wont to do, the Fool and Shingen will now engage in mortal combat anyway.

Jeanne, you’re just a girl. You wouldn’t understand. Even though Nobunaga’s the last male heir of his clan — even though dying here would mean leaving Ichihime to fend for herself against a shady War Council full of dubious aims — he’s just gotta put his life on the line right here and right now where there’s nobody to save his ass. He’s just gotta! It’s written in the code of manliness!

• Jeanne naturally asks, “You said you were only here to talk!”

“Heh!” replies Nobunaga, “How can I face such a warrior and leave without engaging him in battle?” Girl, please. This is a battlefield, not the kitchen. Even when I’m taking a piss at a urinal, if a warrior walks by, I gotta drop everything and put up my dukes.

• So this purple serpent-dragon thing flies right at Nobunaga, which causes his shirt to disappear. He then finds himself inside his War Armor ready to do battle.

I call it the mahou beefcake transformation scene.

• Shingen: “Don’t feel too bad about Nobuhide-dono. Such things happen in war-torn times!” Yeah c’mon, seeing your dad murdered right before your very eyes is just shit that happens, man. Jeez, don’t get your panties in a twist over it.

• Nobunaga, ever the man of infinite sensitivity, responds in kind: “It was inevitable! It was just his time!” Hah, crusty old man got what was coming to him.

• The raw manliness exuding from our two combatants is too much for Jeanne to handle. She can do nothing but mutter, “Sugoi~”

• Meanwhile, da Vinci is looking at some colored lights on a map and exclaims, “There’s no mistake! This is a massive shift in the ley line! The harmony of the universe will activate the Regalia and cause the very quanta to tremble!” Y-yeah… I know some of these words.

• Welp, Nobunaga wins. Shingen then tosses his Regalia to Nobunaga for some reason. What is this? A Pokemon gym battle? Here you go! The fire badge! But before Shingen can hand off the wind badge as well, Caesar strikes! Heh, those crazy Westerns! They have no goddamn honor like us manly men of the East! We’re so manly, we allow an entire war to be decided by a duel between the two clans’ leaders.

• And of course, Caesar uses this opportunity to tell Shingen’s men that Nobunaga was responsible for everything. Since we’ve already established that everyone’s amazingly stupid in this universe, Shingen’s men are so embroiled by the desire for revenge that they’ll follow some masked freak they’ve never seen before this very day.

Naturally.

She’s right, y’know. She’s not cute at all. I’m going to streamline these posts for my own sanity. From now on, I’ll just try to highlight the stupidity in these shows instead of doing detailed write-ups.

* * * * *

Nourin Ep. 7

• I’ll just give you guys this screenshot without context. Trust me, it’s better this way:

• Kousaku: “The crunchy texture and mild sweetness [of pear] goes great with curry!” Please stop adding fruits to curry. What an abomination. Yes, I’m aware that’s how they do it in Japan. I just happen to think it’s nasty.

• In fact, I think this whole episode is best covered by just context-less screenshots. Case in point:

• Here’s another:

Basically, they’ve been eating too much, and as a result, everyone’s put on quite a bit of weight. I have no clue why the guys have suddenly lost their weight so quickly though. It’s as if weight loss is only important to girls or something. After all, fat makes you delusional or something: “Call it ‘fluffy,’ ‘pleasantly plump,’ ‘curvy’ — anything that’ll trick yourself into thinking otherwise.”

• It’s like fat-shaming, the anime. If this is supposed to be a joke or a parody, I’m not seeing it:

Minori: “I’ll never get married with a body like this! What’ll I do?”
Kosaku: “Married? It looks like you’re already pregnant.”

Yeesh. Look, I’m not a subscriber to HAES or anything, but unless someone’s belligerent about his or her weight, e.g. this sort of bullshit, I really don’t give a shit what people choose to do with their bodies.

• All of a sudden, fat-shaming segues into how the soybean plants are afflicted with mold. A natural progression, I’m sure.

• The general gist of the episode now is that their soil has been ruined by something called the “southern blight.” I’m too lazy to look up whether or not this is a real thing. What’s important is that Ringo falls into a depression over this and stops eating. Kosaku then gets to wax poetic about the art of agriculture or some shit. Again, I’ve been told that this is supposed to be a parody.

• So now the tomatoes go bad, and Ringo doesn’t understand why no one’s depressed about it: “And now they’re ruined. Why aren’t you upset?” I mean, I don’t even know what Nourin‘s going for anymore. Is this touching? Nah. Is it funny? Nah. Is it insightful? Nope. It’s just all really boring.

• Ringo ate Kousaku’s vegetables and it blew her away or something: “Earthy, bitter, tough somehow… but a gentle flavor. … I knew that that was the taste of life. That you’d share life with me. … …I teared up for some reason, and I found the will to keep on going.” And that’s why she decided to retire from being an idol to transfer into an agricultural school. Makes sense.

• But it turns out Kousaku is even weirder than we had initially presumed him to be. He literally sent Ringo nothing but vegetables. Imagine how you would feel if you just got cucumbers in the mail one day. Still, Ringo says she got letters addressed to her from a Kousaku, so what’s up with that? It turns out Minori was the one writing to Ringo. She only did it because she didn’t want the idol to think Kousaku was weird or anything. Boy, talk about unconditional love. So in the end, since it had been Minori’s letters that Ringo was reading, she embraces Minori instead of Kousaku. Oh boy, what a twist. My sides… they are in orbit or something. Nah, they’re not. This anime still sucks.

* * * * *

Nisekoi Ep. 7

• So we get a new transfer student and his name is Tsumugi. Everyone’s wondering whether the transfer student is a guy or a girl, so this pretty much confirms it in my mind that we have a girl in disguise. ‘Cause let’s be honest, no one would really care if it was really just a guy. When a girl cross-dresses, however, stop the presses! We must make note of this momentous occasion that has never occurred before in anime!

• Naturally, all the girls think Tsumugi’s the hottest piece of ass in town.

• When Tsumugi sees Chitoge, she… ahem, I mean “he” dives straight for her. Yep, it’s a girl. ‘Cause c’mon, if it had been really been a guy, everyone’d be like “Uguu, this is so hazukashii, ne~”

• And since Tsumugi’s really a girl, wanna take bets on how long it’ll take her to fall in love with Raku? It won’t take long, I’m sure. Raku’s no Kirito of SAO fame, but don’t underestimate his bland harem charm. By the way, who here’s excited for the SAO sequel? I know I am!

• Shu’s pretty smart. Well, as smart as one can reasonably expect from a harem anime character. It’s just too bad he’s relegated to being the perverted best friend who has no game.

• Tsumugi: “But now that I’m seeing you in person, it’s obvious that you’re such a reliable-looking person.” Trust me, this is the highest of compliments that a harem lead can receive. When you’re milquetoast, nothing beats reliability!

• But for now, Tsumugi wants to kill Raku ’cause it turns out the former’s got a super clingy and creepy love for Chitoge. Not that Raku himself isn’t creepy, but this girl takes it to a whole new level. But then again, this is anime so people find yanderekkos totally endearing or something.

• As it turns out, Raku’s not fit to be Chitoge’s lover because he’s weak and he’s got slow reflexes. I mean, Chitoge’s an ojousama so she demands protection, after all. Do you know how many people would love to see her dead? This is thus not creepy overprotectiveness whatsoever. It’s just good ol’ fashioned paternalism!

• Tsumugi: “…to be honest, I’m absolutely sure that I love Young Miss more!” Yep, every hot girl in anime is always a breath away from engaging in yuri acts. Naturally, Tsumugi has also made a very important childhood promise to her ojousama, a promise that she can never forget. Childhood promises are ironclad, son.

• MEET ME AT THE FLAG POLE AFTER SCHOOL. BE THERE… OR BE SQUARE.

• Chitoge blames Raku for this whole ordeal. I don’t like the guy, but even I think this is pretty ridiculous.

• Raku: “So he’s been training that hard to get stronger, to protect Kirisaki, huh? For ten whole years… And it didn’t seem like Kirisaki wasn’t into him. Don’t tell me that deep down, Kirisaki wants that guy to win…?” Even if this was actually the case — and you know it’s not because Raku’s the harem lead — I’ve no clue why Raku would even be surprised by this. Shit, he insults her every chance he gets. She should hate his guts. But uguu, why would she want me to lose? It was just good-natured ribbing! Like calling someone a gorilla!

• But as expected, Chitoge is really rooting for Raku instead: “Don’t even think of losing. N-Not that I’m worried about your welfare or anything…” She claims that this is merely for the sake of their respective yakuza clans, but she wouldn’t be blushing so hard if this was actually the case. Ah, harem anime honestly just write themselves.

• Chitoge continues, “…I’ll never forgive you if you mess up.” Yeah, ’cause he’d be dead.

• Jesus Christ, that uniform can’t be school-approved:

• Raku reasons, “[Chitoge]‘s not such a wuss that she’ll be happy to sit tight while someone protects her, is she?” Hm, surprisingly progressive from a harem ani-… “Call yourself a man? Then be a rock for her, and watch over her!” Oh c’mon, what’s the fucking difference? Either way, you’re still being a condescending jackass who thinks a woman needs you to watch over her.

• Somehow, Raku wins the duel by tricking Tsumugi into diving headfirst into a pool. So much for being trained as a killer hitman.

• B-But he can’t just leave Tsumugi in her-… I mean, ‘his’ wet clothes. The ‘guy’ might catch a cold! Better take them all off just to be safe…

…dude, you gotta get those tumors checked out.

• All that hitman training and Tsumugi still acts all embarrassed and shit when a guy sees her half-naked. Pfft. In fact, she proceeds to sit there in the middle of the locker room, frozen from this abject humiliation she’s suffered. Give me a break.

• Tsumugi: “I have no idea why, but for years, I’ve been mistaken for a boy time and time again. It mystifies me to no end.” Hurr hurr hurr.

• “How pathetic,” bemoans our cross-dressing wannabe assassin, “I’ve lost to someone of your lowly caliber… What made me think that I could protect Young Miss.” Yeah, all they would have to do is strip you down to your underwear, and it’d be like, “Oops! I can’t move anymore!”

• According to Tsumugi, she’s long abandoned being a girl in order to have the strength to protect Chitoge. Well, that’s just stupid. I won’t even get into why it’s stupid. You guys can figure that out on your own, I’m sure. But anyway, Raku thinks this is such a shame because Tsumugi is pretty cute. Why would you ever want to abandon being a girl when you’re so damn cute, y’know?! And just like that, this is all it takes to completely flip Tsumugi’s world upside-down. A… a guy thinks I’m cute? Well shit! Better start lubing up my vagina in anticipation!

• Fuck harems.

• Chitoge: “You are a girl, Tsugumi, so you have to dress like one.” Fuck harems.

* * * * *

Saikin Imouto no Yousu ga Chotto Okashiinda ga Ep. 8

• Mitsuki can’t get any sleep at night ’cause Hiyori’s been repeatedly massaging her breasts. Why? Because we all know groping a person’s breasts will make them grow. It’s just science, man. Mitsuki’s boobs are like plants, and Hiyori’s hands are like fertilizer. In other words, her hands are shit. Basically, Hiyori’s shit.

• Still, I can’t help but imagine someone out there actually likes that bit of written dialogue. Like, they just watched that scene and giggled to themselves, “Oh my, what sort of ‘fun’ are you girls having, hmmmmmm?” Brr, gives me the heebie-jeebies.

• Upon seeing Mitsuki, Shotaro straight up asks her, “Wanna trade places with my little sister?” What a fucking creep.

• Mitsuki finds a gravure magazine and thinks, “I thought only weirdos looked at things like this…” That sure sounds like a healthy attitude to have. But anyway, even though it’s really Shotaro’s magazine — ’cause let’s face it, Yuuya’s the pure sort of harem lead who’s just absolutely clueless about sex — the magazine’s existence nevertheless gives the girls the false impression that Yuuya’s into big breasts. As a result, Mitsuki just has to allow Hiyori to grope her breasts later.

• Wait, no… we have an even better solution:

So if Hiyori could do this from the very start, why did she still feel the need to grope Mitsuki every night? ‘Cause she’s a goddamn rapist, that’s why.

• Naw, we’re just kidding. That was all just a dream sequence. ‘Cause y’know, last week’s episode ending on two consecutive dream fake-outs wasn’t enough. We gotta do it again at the start of this week’s episode, because it’s such a fresh and original narrative technique.

• I’ve never seen someone so excited to go to the aquarium since Zetsuen no Tempest.

• Y’know, this is just as much Yuuya’s fault as it is Hiyori’s. I would never let my sister grab my arm in such an affectionate manner. But of course, establishing appropriate boundaries would be no fun whatsoever.

• Fish-gazing montage!

• Hiyori: “No fair! You can’t just jump back in now!” Yeah, what’s the big deal, Mitsuki! It’s not like it’s your body or anything, geez.

• Now, while I think it’s dumb that Yuuya allows Hiyori-as-Mitsuki to hang all over his arm like she’s his girlfriend, I also think it’s ridiculous that Mitsuki thinks going to an aquarium resembles some sort of date-like event. Goddamn, a brother and his sister can’t go to an aquarium now?

• And then somehow, her clothes disappear because she’s embarrassed?

• But as you’ll soon find out, it’s not embarrassment that she’s feeling whatsoever.

• Rather, her crotch is tingling:

All because this trip to the aquarium might look like date. Just the mere thought of being on a date with her brother gives both girls a fucking orgasm. Oh my god why am I even watching this shit?

• Honestly, you’d think Japan wouldn’t have all this trouble they’ve been having lately with sex if it was actually this easy to get girls off.

• Mitsuki: “Wait, am I stupid?” Yes.

• Even Hiyori begins to feel all weird and shit too. It’s like the two girls are connected at the clitoris or something. Shrug, feel free to come up with your own mystical anime bullshit explanation for this phenomenon. And as expected, the gauge on the chastity belt fills up ever so slightly.

• It turns out Mitsuki’s mom used to work at the aquarium. No, I didn’t think any of you guys would care either. But like, uguu, Mitsuki never had any friends as a kid, so the dolphins at the aquarium became her friends. Doesn’t just warm the cockles of your heart? No.

• Hiyori: “The truth is, I don’t even remember my own name.” That’s just fantastic. Can the episode be over already?

• So these tiny fishes are biting away at Mitsuki’s feet, and oh how it tickles her. And since the chastity belt is being extra sensitive today, you guessed it!

Fuck it, I’m out. See you guys next week.

After winning Dio’s affections, Aoba must now turn his attention to a new conquest: the courtship of Yumihara Hina. I hope you’ve braced yourself for tons of lurid shots of Hina’s cleavage.

Episode summary: As we expected, Aoba and Hina are stranded on an island. Like every island in every story ever, it comes equipped with a cave for our two love birds to take shelter within. It doesn’t take long before the island becomes overly-attached to our heroes, however, and a landslide traps them inside the cave. Eventually, Aoba uses his shounen powers to break them out of the cave, thereby saving Hina from drowning (again). To top it all off, he even allows her to contact Zogilia through his Valiancer so that she doesn’t become a prisoner of the Alliance. All in a day’s work for the average mecha protagonist. In the end, he gives her that hairpin he got from the original Hina as if this would be a meaningful gesture or something, but it’s really not.

Notes:

• Aoba should thank his lucky stars that he managed to crash-land on a tiny island instead of the massive Pacific Ocean, but hey, that’s why he’s the hero, right? You shouldn’t be one if you can’t beat the infinitesimal odds.

• Special Service Agent Margaret somehow thinks Lord Dolzief is still alive, and as such, she would rather devote Zogilia’s efforts to locating him over Hina. Last week, a commenter remarked, “It’s amazing to wonder who is dumber; Aoba for not figuring out the truth still, or Great Zogilla for actually thinking that the death of a key general and potential morale ruination for the fleet was a good thing.” Well there you go, buddy! They do care!

• Margaret: “We don’t even know where he went down.” Maybe you shouldn’t have let a lord take part in a battle where, y’know, he could die… just a thought. Anyway, Alfred’s convinced that the guy’s dead so this is all for naught.

• As for the folks on the Cygnus, Dio’s gone all deredere as he requests permission to search for Aoba. But let’s think about it for a second. We just learned that Dio’s Emphater waveform has deteriorated greatly since he started Coupling with Aoba. Since he just Coupled with Aoba in last week’s episode, it must have deteriorated even further. I’d say he pretty much has to find Aoba, ’cause there’s no way he’s Coupling again if he doesn’t.

• Uh, last we saw Aoba, he was desperately trying to save Hina from a submerging Valiancer. When the anime cuts back to those two love birds, we find that they’ve already found shelter in some cave. C’mon Sunrise, you didn’t even let us see how Aoba managed to save Hina’s life? Well, why the hell not? Wouldn’t this sort of thing add to his heroic narrative? Wouldn’t you rather show and not tell?

• Hina proceeds to take Aoba hostage when she wakes up. Not sure what he expected to happen…

• I love how it’s raining cats and dogs, but Aoba’s chic anime hairstyle is still holding its form perfectly amidst a storm. Hollywood starlets would love to know his secret. I’d also like to know how those two managed to find enough dry wood to start a bonfire in the middle of a massive storm, but silly me. Obviously, a Sunrise show never worries itself too much about the oh-so-insignificant details.

• Aoba: “Put that down! That’s my gun to begin with anyway.” A persuasive argument that is sure to sway the heart and soul of the enemy combatant. I’d dare say the US military could learn a thing or two from our brilliant hero. Now, repeat after me: “Bros, I know we sold you those weapons back in the 80s, but could you please give them back? Pretty please? They were ours to begin with anyway!”

• Oh boy, here we go: Aoba’s going to tell Hina all about how he’s a time-traveler from the past. This is sure to end well.

• Aoba: “Weren’t you the one who saved me?” Dude… c’mon. C’moooooon. It’s the eighth episode. Are you telling me you still think this Hina is the same Hina from the first episode of the series? I know anime heroes are typically dense, but this is ridiculous. At first, it was like, “Duh, he’s just stereotypically dumb,” but no one stays this clueless for this long.

• Hina: “The Alliance must be really shorthanded to have someone like you piloting the new-type mecha.” Well, that new mecha did kick your ass so I guess you could say Zogilia must be really shorthanded…

• Okay, okay, you’re not the same Hina. Do you really need to tell him your entire life story though? I mean, it’s not like she’s just saying, “Yo, I’m from Zogilia, you numb nuts. I’ve never gone to school with you!” Instead, Hina’s spilling her guts: “When I was 10, I was accepted into the 11th Military Youth school.” And so on and so forth. Again, why would you tell a random member of the opposing army all these personal bits of information about yourself? Just say you think his time-traveling story’s retarded and shoot him in the thigh to shut him up. I thought Zogilia soldiers would be hard-asses.

• At first, Hina said, “All further talk is unneeded!” We then get treated to a time skip of an unspecified length. When the anime finally returns to these two, Aoba starts talking about the Hina he knows again, but this time, present-day Hina listens intently. I guess eventually, everyone falls for Aoba. Resistance is futile.

• A landslide traps these two in the cave, so Aoba and Hina has to dig their way out quickly or they’ll run out of oxygen. Desperate to impress the girl or something, Aoba goes, “Don’t underestimate a former basketball player’s stamina.”

By the way, Aoba’s literally trying to dig with a tiny log of wood:

I just don’t even know what to say about that. Then after God only knows how many hours, Hina finally suggests that they try digging at the top of the dirt pile and not the bottom. Again, I’m just speechless.

• So uh, stuff happens, but none of it is really all that important to talk about. All you really need to know is that Hina keeps resigning herself to death, but Aoba repeatedly saves her life over and over. You could say the guy just can’t take no for answer. I guess the moral of the story is that if a girl doesn’t initially like you, just keep putting her into precarious situations.

• As expected, Aoba wasn’t going to capture Hina back to the Cygnus or anything. Naturally, he opts to do something colossally stupid instead: he’s going to let Hina use his operational Valiancer to contact Zogilia’s search team! Boy, you better hope the Luxon doesn’t store a history of its call or any like that.

• But I mean, his reasoning doesn’t even make sense. Hina naturally asks, “Why did you let me call Zogilia?” In response, Aoba explains, “Because if I didn’t, you would’ve ended up being our hostage.” But you’re the good guys. Don’t you think you’d be saving her from the tyrannical Zogilian Empire or whatever the fuck they’re called?

• Seems kinda cruel the way the story’s setting Mayu up for the inevitable heartbreak. We know anime convention would never allow her to win Aoba’s heart.

Why bother doing a preview post on the upcoming anime season when everyone else is also doing one? ‘Cause I’m special! Anyway, here’s a chart courtesy of Neregate if you need that sort of thing.

The “Stuff That Looks Likes It’s For Kids” Tier

I’m not even going to include pictures, PVs, and synopses for these shows. I’ll just quickly list them here for your perusal:

Puchimas!! Petit Petit Idolm@ster: It’s bad enough that it’s even Idolm@ster related.
FAIRY TAIL New Series: Just another one of the those unending shounen series.
Majin Bone: One look at the PV is enough to turn me off.
Cardfight!! Vanguard: Legion Mate-Hen: Card games are lame.
Yu*Gi*Oh! Arc-V: Again, card games are lame. Unendingly lame.
Keroro: Looks cute. But nah, not gonna go there.
Disk Wars: Avengers: I don’t even like Marvel heroes.

The “Sequels to Stuff I Have Never Watched” Tier

I just end up feeling like I have to watch the original series in order to talk about its sequel, which is why I usually don’t cover sequels.

* * * * *

Love Live! School Idol Project Second Season
Studio: Sunrise
PV: Couldn’t find one, but who really cares.

Synopsis: Some girl’s school is shutting down because it can’t get enough new students, so she decides to form an idol group in order to boost the school’s popularity. ‘Cause fuck my education. I wanna go to the school with all the crappy pop songs instead.

Will I watch this? It’s about idols so no.

* * * * *

Soul Eater Not!
Studio: Bones
PV: Here

Synopsis: Remember that show about people who could turn into weapons, and those that could wield said weapons were called meisters? Well, here’s a spinoff about three girls at a high school.

Will I watch this? God no. I didn’t even like the original Soul Eaters, so why would I like the bastardized version of it? Yeah, it’ll be the one Bones show I won’t watch. I’ll live.

* * * * *

The “I Just Won’t Watch It For Some Reason or Other” Tier

There are a myriad of reasons why I just won’t watch a show. Every case is special in its little way.

* * * * *

Gochuumon wa Usagi Desu ka?
Studio: White Fox
PV: Couldn’t find one.

Synopsis: It’s based on a 4koma comedy series about a bunch of girls at a cafe.

Will I watch this? Nope.

* * * * *

Akuma no Riddle
Studio: Diomedea
PV: Here

Synopsis: At some boarding school for girls only, Haru ends up being the target of twelve different assassins disguised as students. Azuma Tokaku initially wanted to kill Haru too, but ends up developing feelings for her. Doki doki.

Will I watch this? Probably not. Of this entire tier, this is the one show I’m most likely to watch, but I still think I won’t. I typically shy away from yuri anime, because I think they tend to be exploitative in general.

* * * * *

Mangaka-san to Assistant-san to
Studio: Zexcs
PV: Couldn’t find one.

Synopsis: It’s a story about a manga artist and his assistant. Sounds innocent enough, right? Well…

Manga author Aito Yuuki does not understand the feelings of the characters in his stories, so he asks his assistant, Ashisu Sahoto, to help him. Ashisu is prepared to do anything for the work, even grope her own breast so he will know how it feels like.

So there you go.

Will I watch this? I don’t even care all that much about manga, so the process of creating manga isn’t likely going to appeal to me. Plus, y’know, Bakuman was such a fiasco. So yeah, I won’t watch this unless it’s turns out to be a harem series in disguise or something, but I doubt it.

* * * * *

JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken: Stardust Crusaders
Studio: David Production
PV: Here

Synopsis: It’s JoJo, man. Do you really need a synopsis for JoJo?

Will I watch this? No. I didn’t like it the first time around, so I’m pretty sure I won’t like it this time. I know JoJo’s got a ton of fans though, so it’s not like you’ll be missing out on that sweet, sweet analysis elsewhere!

* * * * *

Mahou Shoujo Taisen
Studio: Gainax
PV: Couldn’t find one.

Synopsis: Local towns in Japan are personified as mahou shoujos. And they’ll do battle or something. Honestly, who cares?

Will I watch this? Hell no. If the words “mahou shoujo” is ever in a title, you can bet your ass I won’t watch it.

* * * * *

Yama no Susume Second Season
Studio: 8-bit
PV: Couldn’t find one but here is the PV to the first season.

Synopsis: I think this is about the power of a friendship between two girls. One is outgoing and outdoorsy, the other is not. Still, they promise to climb a mountain together so that they can watch the sunrise side-by-side. Awwww.

Will I watch this? I didn’t watch the first season — hell, I didn’t even know that there was a first season — and besides, this looks slice-of-lifey and thus boring as all hell. Oh boy, cute girls doing stuff. Yawn.

* * * * *

The “Not Enough Information” Tier

Technically, you could argue that I don’t have enough information about any of these shows, but the ones here are especially lacking in that department. Basically, I have no clue what I’m getting into with these anime. Whoops, it turns out there’s literally only one show in this tier. Oh well.

* * * * *

Bokura wa Minna Kawaisou
Studio: Brain’s Base
PV: I couldn’t really find one on Youtube. I think is this is the closest thing I could find.

Synopsis: Not sure. Some kid has to live in an apartment complex full of weirdos, which totally sucks, I guess. But at the same time, his crush also happens to be one of his neighbors. And that is literally all the information I can find on this show. I mean, I could just read the manga, but why go and spoil the anime adaptation for myself!

Will I watch this? I don’t even know what it’s about! I guess I’ll have to watch at least a couple episodes to find out if I do wanna watch it.

* * * * *

The “Sports Anime Are Almost Always Terrible” Tier

Honestly, I’ve never enjoyed a sports anime series, but I really want to try getting into them this time around.

* * * * *

Baby Steps
Studio: Pierrot
PV: Couldn’t find one.

Synopsis: Some studious kid who rarely ever exercises decides he wants to be a little more active in life, so he joins the Tennis Club. Still, he’s not exactly an athletic specimen or anything, so he’ll have to use guile and strategy to defeat his opponents. I guess he’s like the Martina Hingis of anime.

Will I watch this? I actually played tennis in high school, and it’s still one of my favorite sports to watch. But I don’t know… I’ve been burned before. Remember The Prince of Tennis? Oh god, I’m getting flashbacks. Yes, yes, I know this will be more slice-of-life than shounen; I’m just being facetious. But even still, Baby Steps‘ strategic gameplanning will have to be mighty impressive to keep me interested for more than an episode or two. Plus, what has Studio Pierrot done for me lately? Level-E was entertaining but… yeah…

* * * * *

Haikyuu!!
Studio: Production I.G
PV: Here

Synopsis: Kid gets owned in middle school, so he goes to high school hoping he’ll get to do the owning instead.

Will I watch this? It’s very unlikely that a sports anime will draw me in unless there’s another element to it, e.g. a love story. That’s the only reason why I watched the live drama for H2: Kimi to Ita Hibi from start to finish. I wouldn’t recommend that you watch that by the way. It’s very dramarific. Unless, of course, if you like that sort of thing, then knock yourself out. But like I’ve said, I want to try to get into sports anime this season, so I guess I’ll be watching Haikyuu!!

* * * * *

The “Harem Hill Fodder” Tier

I might not actually watch and cover all of these shows because some of them are sequels to stuff I’ve never actually seen. We’ll see how it goes.

* * * * *

Date A Live II
Studio: AIC Plus+
PV: Here

Synopsis: Whenever extraterrestrial beings known as Spirits show up, they create massive earthquakes that end up killing a lot of people. In order to stop them, the main character has to make the Spirits fall in love with him. Oh yeah, the Spirits are all hot-as-fuck babes. What a coincidence!

Will I watch this? On the one hand, it’s a harem series. On the other hand, it’s a sequel to something I haven’t watched. But with that premise though, how could I not?!

* * * * *

Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei
Studio: Madhouse
PV: Here

Synopsis: Yeah, just take a look at the following paragraph:

The series is set in a world where magic exists and has been utilized as a technology for over a century. Rather than casting spells with chants or other traditional forms of spellcasting, mages use a Casting Assistant Device, better known as a CAD. Mages infuse the CAD with psions or thought particles (a substance-less particle and psychic phenomenon) while the CAD itself provides an activation sequence, which is then used to construct a magic ritual in order to invoke the magic. This magic ritual targets the Idea, the platform on which Eidos are recorded. Eidos refers to a form of information that is attached to a phenomenon. Modern magic uses false signals to manipulate the Eidos of a target, which in turn modifies the phenomenon and causes physical changes in the real world.

Sounds like an exciting anime, doesn’t it? Hoo boy, nothing gets the heart pumpin’ like a bunch of dry and boring jargon. Anyway, you’ve got a brother and a sister, and the sister does really well on her exams, so she’s considered a “Bloom.” As for the brother, he’s not exactly dumb, but he completely bombed an assessment test or something, so he’s considered a “Weed.” And naturally, there’s going to be some incestuous shit between them. Fuck, I’m going to need some weed for this.

Will I watch this? I’m not entirely sure if this is a harem or not, but it looks like one from the PV. If it’s a harem, then yeah, I guess I’m obligated to watch it. If it’s not a harem, however, then eh… I’d say it’s 50-50 whether or not I’ll cover the show. The premise is almost too stupid not to watch, but if it isn’t a harem series, I could pass on it if the other shows manage to keep me busy.

* * * * *

Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara
Studio: Hoods Entertainment
PV: Here

Synopsis: Souta and only Souta can see a flag atop a person’s head. This flag will usually give him a clue as to how this person’s future will play out. For example, some people will have a friendship flag, and others will have a relationship flag. One day, he sees a death flag atop of his own head, and it freaks him out. In order for Souta to change his fate, he’ll have to make friends… naturally. Oh yeah, four random girls force their way into his life. And would you look at that… they all have relationship flags. Doki doki.

Will I watch this? For the sake of Harem Hill, I will. But just look at that PV. You know it’s trash.

* * * * *

Kamigami no Asobi
Studio: Brain’s Base
PV: Here

Synopsis: Zeus isn’t happy that the bond between humans and gods are weakening. So to fix this problem, he sends our heroine to a high school full of hot bishie gods. Her mission? To teach them in the ways of love, awwwww yeah.

Will I watch this? Yes, that’s right. For the first time, Harem Hill will be an equal opportunity affair as we take a look at reverse harems as well. Does that mean I think Kamigami no Asobi will suck? No, not necessarily. In fact, even standard harems don’t have to suck at all. It’s not my fault they just happen to be universally terrible. And who knows! Maybe I’ll like Kamigami no Asoba! I wouldn’t count on it, but maybe!

* * * * *

La Corda D’Oro Blue Sky
Studio: TYO
PV: Couldn’t find one.

Synopsis: A violin-playing girl is surrounded by beautiful bishies in her orchestra. Oh my!

Will I watch this? I haven’t seen the first two anime adaptations of La Corda D’Oro, so I might not cover this. It depends on whether or not I feel as though I’m missing too much information from the previous series to understand what’s going on in this one. Either way, it’s a (reverse) harem so you know the drill.

* * * * *

The “Japan’s Eternal Obsession With Giant Robots” Tier

Who can ever get tired of mechas? Certainly not me!

* * * * *

Kenzen Robo Daimidaler
Studio: TNK
PV: Here

Synopsis: Humanity is under the threat of, uh, penguin-shaped robots from… the evil Penguin Empire…? Oh well, when in anime, right? Anyway, a giant robot Daimidaler represents humanity’s only hope against this dastardly Penguin Empire, but nobody has the means to operate said robot except for a single high schooler in Japan. And why is that? What makes this high schooler so much more special than his classmates? Well, y’see, he possesses Hi-ERo particles, and said particles are an energy source for the Daimidaler. Where does he get the Hi-ERo particles? Good question! He gets them by… molesting… women… sigh.

Will I watch this? That premise sounds goddamn terrible. Still, I’ll watch an episode or two to see if it’s such a trainwreck that it’s somehow worth following. Hell, it might even be a harem. In which case, I’ll have to watch it. I just can’t tell if it’s a harem or not from just its PV alone, but c’mon, it’s not like our hero’s just going to grope a single woman for the entire series, right?

* * * * *

Fūun Ishin Dai Shogun
Studio: J.C.Staff
PV: Couldn’t find one.

Synopsis: In this alternate universe, the Meiji Restoration never happened! When those mysterious iron ships showed up out of nowhere, Japan used ancient mechas to repel them! And those ancient mechas’ name? Albert Einstein Onigami.

Will I watch this? What’s this? J.C.Staff doing a show that isn’t a boring slice-of-life romantic comedy? And what’s this? Fūun Ishin Dai Shogun is written by Soto Dai? On the one hand, he’s got an impressive pedigree. On the other hand, the anime looks dumb as hell, and the premise doesn’t sound so hot either. Well, I’ll watch it… with caution.

* * * * *

Knights of Sidonia
Studio: Polygon Pictures
PV: Here and here

Synopsis: The solar system has long been destroyed by Gauna, a mysterious alien race. As a result, humanity now lives aboard several massive spaceships. Our main character is from Sidonia, one of said massive spaceships, and he’s been recruited to defend his home against the relentless Gauna. Throw in what appears to be a standard love story and you’ve got yourself a futuristic mecha anime.

Will I watch this? The PVs for the show look pretty damn slick. By this, I don’t mean that the CGI looks slick. I’m not typically a big fan of 3-D animation unless you’ve got huge Pixar-esque budgets. While CGI can often look cool, the downside is that the characters end up looking stiff and emotionless. I personally do not think this is a worthwhile trade-off, but let’s see what Polygon Pictures can do. But anyway, I think the anime looks slick because the action seems pretty intense from what I can tell in the first PV, and if the second PV is to be trusted, the setting looks to be somewhat inspired. I’m especially hoping that because this series takes place in space, we’re not going to run into some tired anime tropes like an episode where the characters frolic at the beach. Since Earth has been long destroyed, there better be no damn beach episode. So yeah, I’m looking forward to this show.

* * * * *

Captain Earth
Studio: Bones
PV: Here

Synopsis: Some kid stumbles across a giant robot and someone asks him whether or not he’s the captain of said robot. All of a sudden, mechas from outer space attack, but not just any mechas. Mechas from Uranus, hohoho! So, uh, I assume the kid will take up the title of Captain Earth to defend us from Uranus’s dangerous products. Hah, I’m so mature. Oh yeah, don’t forget to throw in some stuff like his father died mysteriously or a strange encounter with a pair of kids. Y’know, run-of-the-mill anime tropes.

Will I watch this? It’s a Bones anime, so of course I will (unless it’s Soul Eaters Not!). The premise is a little flimsy, but aside from a few exceptions, mecha shows aren’t exactly high-brow entertainment to begin with. And honestly, just look at the PV. It’s got nice production values going for it, which is something I’ve come to expect from Bones every season. Let’s just hope this will be better than Eureka Seven‘s sequel.

* * * * *

The “Let’s Try to Make NEETs Seem Cool” Tier

NEETs are neat!

* * * * *

Ryuugajou Nanana no Maizoukin
Studio: A-1 Pictures
PV: Here

Synopsis: Some late NEET girl left behind a treasure that is rumored to have great powers. Naturally, she was a total babe back then, and she’s still a total babe now as a ghost. And even though our hero was disowned by his father, and thus forced to transfer to a high school on some artificial island, he’s now lucky enough to be haunted by said NEET babe. What a lucky fella. Anyway, everyone on the island is interested in finding the late girl’s treasure.

Will I watch this? Sounds pretty stupid. I haven’t liked much from A-1 Pictures either. Needless to say, my hopes aren’t high.

* * * * *

Mekaku City Actors
Studio: Shaft
PV: Here

Synopsis: A HikiNEET was content to stay locked in his home until some girl shows up on his computer screen and messed around with his computer. He is thus forced to… *gasp* …enter the outside world!

Will I watch this? This supposedly has its roots in Vocaloid nonsense so I’m already a little wary. Then I see that it’s being produced by Shaft so now alarm bells are going off. Finally, the premise is just too vague for us to have any clue whatsoever as to what the story is even going to be about. All we know is that there are two kids and they’re both losers. They are nevertheless attractive somehow…. Also, a HikiNEET? Really? Well shit, I too can combine words. Like fartiqueef. I’ll let you decide what that word means.

* * * * *

No Game, No Life
Studio: Madhouse
PV: Here

Synopsis: A brother and sister duo are masters at playing video games. They love video games so much that they have no love for real life, which they consider to be a shitty game. One day, a god summons them to a fantasy world where there are neither wars nor violence. Instead, conflicts are resolved by playing video games. Unfortunately, the human race in this fantasy world are a bunch of fucking casual carebears — they’re probably console owners — so naturally, they are dead last in the standings. As a result, our brother and sister duo are here to educate the hopeless peasants in the teachings of our Lord and Savior Gabe Newell.

Will I watch this? That premise sounds ridiculous enough that I just have to check this anime out for myself. But Madhouse has really sucked hardcore lately, so I’m betting that No Game, No Life will be entertaining in that “What a trainwreck” sort of way.

* * * * *

The “Looks Like It Might Be Okay” Tier

‘Might’ here is the key word.

* * * * *

Gokukoku no Brynhildr
Studio: ARMS
PV: Here

Synopsis: A boy and a girl were really interested in astronomy. Unfortunately, they both got into an accident, but only the boy got out alive. Saddled with survivor’s guilt, the boy decides to honor his late friend’s memories by joining the Astronomy Club in high school. One day, his class gets a new transfer student, and it’s a girl who looks suspiciously like the boy’s former childhood friend.

Will I watch this? The premise doesn’t sound horrible, but that PV isn’t doing the anime any favors. For instance, it emphasizes how the transfer student looks like a grown-up version of the hero’s childhood friend. But how does it accomplish this? By highlighting their breasts. No, it wasn’t enough that she looks exactly the same as his childhood friend. It’s the breasts that really tells the story, man! But anyway, I’ll check it out. I’m just not as excited as I should be.

* * * * *

Black Bullet
Studio: Kinema Citrus
PV: Here

Synopsis: In the future, a virus is wreaking havoc on mankind. Some children, however, are born with the ability to control the virus, so as a result, they have superpowers. Oh, did I mention that these children can only be girls? In any case, one particular girl teams up with her childhood friend to fight back against the virus, I think.

Will I watch this? Probably. Personally, I’m not too keen on the premise, especially the fact that only girls can have special powers, but I’ll just wait and see how it all plays out.

* * * * *

Hitsugihime no Chaika
Studio: Bones
PV: Couldn’t really find a good one. This is the closest I could manage.

Synopsis: The main character somehow comes across a girl carrying a coffin on her back, and now they’re on a journey to understanding the meaning of life? Is that it? I’m not really sure.

Will I watch this? Technically, this should go under the “Not Enough Information” tier, because I don’t have a clue what the story’s about whatsoever. Hell, since the main character doesn’t have a job, it could even go under the “Let’s Try to Make NEETs Seem Cool” tier, but since it’s a Bones show, I might like it. At the very least, I won’t hate it… I think. Then again, I’m told that this was written by the same person responsible for Scrapped Princess, and I didn’t like Scrapped Princess one bit.

* * * * *

Mushishi: Zoku-Shou
Studio: Artland
PV: Here

Synopsis: It’s kinda hard for me to describe Mushishi in general without going into way too much detail, so I’ll just let Wikipedia do the work for me this time around:

The story features ubiquitous creatures called Mushi that often display supernatural powers. Mushi are described as beings in touch with the essence of life, far more basic and pure than normal living things. Due to their ethereal nature most humans are incapable of perceiving Mushi and are oblivious to their existence, but there are a few who possess the ability to see and interact with Mushi. One such person is Ginko, the main character of the series. He employs himself as a Mushi master, traveling from place to place to research Mushi and aid people suffering from problems caused by them.

Will I watch this? I liked the original Mushishi so I’ll watch this. Having said that, I probably won’t write about it. Since the show lacks an overarching plot, I just don’t think I’ll have anything interesting to say.

Baby, don’t hurt me! Seriously, you have to stop. It’s illegal.

Episode summary: Inari and Kouji are supposed to be lovers in some play, but when Inari finds out she had accidentally used her divine powers to get the coveted part, she decides to quit the play. Momoyama, some girl we haven’t seen before this week’s episode (I think), then asks Inari to deliver her love letter to Kouji, which Inari initially agrees to do, but our heroine then loses the letter to the wind. Must have been her divine powers again. Anyway, she uses her divine powers once more to turn into Momoyama so that she can confess Momoyama’s feelings to Kouji in person, but Kouji rejects them. Shh, he’s really in love with Inari. Meanwhile, Uka is being forced by her mother to go on some arranged dates and neither she nor Touka are happy about it, but they’re both too socially awkward to admit that they like each other. Oh well, Touka would probably punch her if she tried to.

Notes:

• Look at this nonsense right here. It turns out that Uka’s mother wants our goddess to start going on arranged dates unless she has someone in mind that she intends to marry.

Naturally, Uka freaks out about this, so Miya goes, “If you already have a particular god in mind… …someone you enjoy being with, even if there’s no love involved?” First off, why even bother getting married if there’s no love involved? But anyway, Uka replies, “You know we don’t–…” All of a sudden, she starts thinking about the time she’s spent with Touka. Oh my, could it be? Is she in love with Inari’s older brother?!

So here’s my problem with this. That ‘time’ we’re talking about, i.e. the ‘time’ she’s spent with Touka, honestly amounts to what? Seriously, try to answer this question: how much ‘time’ has Uka actually spent with Touka? Even if you want to say, “Hey, maybe they’ve spent more time together than what we actually get to see in the anime” there’s still the matter of how A) he abuses and yells at her every time they see each other and B) all they’ve done together is play video games until Touka pitches a fit ’cause he’s a whiny manchild. But I guess that’s love in anime for you. Be right back… gonna go give my girlfriend of noogie to show her how much I love her!

• Inari: “If there’s something bothering you, you can tell me, okay?” Gee, how should Uka break the news to her friend delicately… “I want to bone your asshole brother just because we’ve played the Wii together a couple times” seems a little crude if you ask me.

• Uh, what kind of play is this gonna be again?

• Inari predictably freaks out about adding kissing scene to the play, but I mean, she’s supposed to be Kouji’s lover so I don’t know what she expected. Plus, she’s in middle school. Don’t tell me she hasn’t thought about kissing a boy before. C’mon, I was in middle school once. I know how kids think at that age.

• W-what’s going on in the upper left-hand corner of this screenshot?

Is that a dog?

• Toshi: “We were bored and came to play. Plenty of pure girls here.” Ugh, creeps everywhere.

• So somehow, Kouji’s friends see Inari arguing with Toshi and come to the brilliant conclusion that the two of them are a couple. Wow, really? No wonder Uka thinks she’s in love with Touka. Anime characters apparently mistake abusive behavior for romance. This actually reminds me of a very real problem in South Korea. Oftentimes, couples will get into a fight — and by couples getting into a fight, it usually means domestic violence — and bystanders will just ignore it because they don’t want to get involved in what they consider to be “personal matters.” Even if you bring your concerns to the police, they’ll most likely say, “Eh, we’ll check up on them, but unless the victim files an official complaint, there’s nothing we can do about it.” Yeah, it’s pretty ridiculous.

• Turns out Touka is actually missing Uka’s company. I guess he must’ve noticed his knuckles have been a little too underused lately.

• This exchange:

Uka: “We are telling you, they only love us for our rank!”
Touka: “That might just be your own hangup. Women are so damn self-conscious!”

So she’s basically saying that no one actually loves her for her, and he replies with, “Well, like, that’s just your problem, man!” Why on earth is he the love interest for Uka again? Oh that right, ’cause he’s a bishounen who will play Wii games with her.

• Touka: “Because women treat men’s hearts with contempt!” What is he even talking about? She tells him that no one actually loves her for her, and he comes back with this? It doesn’t even make sense. No shit someone would treat your heart with contempt when you reduce them to nothing more than their rank.

• Touka: “The only womanly things about you are your boobs. Should I squeeze them?” Rest in peace, my friend. Oh wait, my bad… abuse is actually love in anime, i.e. these two are practically married. Move along, folks. Nothing to see here.

• On the one hand, Touka pulls back when Uka flinches, so gold star for doing the bare minimum of what’s required to be a decent human being. On the other hand, he doesn’t even apologize for his suddenly brazen behavior: “This is ridiculous.” Then he throws in this little jab: “Go on and have your little arranged dates or whatever. Maybe they’ll teach a gamer nerd like you a thing or two about being a woman.” What a shithead. Again, this is supposed to be her love interest.

• Meanwhile, Inari learns that she subconsciously used her powers to luck herself into drawing the coveted role in the play, and this depresses our heroine for some reason. I guess she thinks it’s cheating, but shrug, it seems pretty harmless to me.

• And because Kouji thinks Inari has a boyfriend, he gives her an out: “We don’t have to do [the kissing scene] if you don’t want to, you know.” Oh, the drama~

• And now girls are relying on Inari to deliver their confessions of love to Kouji. Hey, at some point you just gotta learn that one very important lesson in life the hard way: “Shit or get off the pot.” If you’re not going to confess your feelings, don’t be surprised if someone else swoops in and gets the job done. Ain’t like Inari’s name is on Kouji or anything.

• And to make matters worse, Inari’s quitting the play. It’s not like she’s quitting the play early on in its production though. She’s quitting the play after all that work has been done, which is actually quite selfish of her. Yes, she might have “cheated” her way into the coveted role opposite of Kouji, but it’s too late now. You can’t just quit something everyone’s worked so hard on because you feel bad. Ugh, I’m losing my patience with this story. This is what I get for watching an anime about children.

• Oh hey, Momoyama, i.e. the girl who has a crush on Kouji, immediately volunteers to replace Inari. Good. I don’t even feel sorry for Inari. Not one bit. She’s just getting what she deserves.

• Then she goes and loses the poor girl’s letter. Tsk. So lemme guess… to fix this problem, Inari’ll turn herself into Momoyama, and try to confess Momoyama’s feelings to Kouji, but really, she’ll be confessing her actual feelings instead. Kouji will then turn Inari down, thinking that it’s really Momoyama, and this revelation will perk Inari right back up!

• Well, I’m right so far…

• Inari: “…maybe being in love is like an obsession!” Eh…

• Momoyama: “I wasn’t putting much effort into making him love me back, for one.” Making someone love you back?

• So it turns out Kouji now likes Inari. Ho-hum.

• Then Touka finds out Uka gave Inari her divine powers and he’s all, “Uguu! You tricked me! How could you!” Bah. Then the poor goddess gets whisked away to Izumo for those arranged dates. Gosh, I wonder if Touka will somehow manage to find his way there in order to play her knight in shining armor. Guess I’ll just have to tune in next week!

This is pretty much “Masayoshi Grows Up, the Episode.” That’s basically it. I normally wouldn’t weave an episode recap into my analysis, but I think I kinda have to for this week’s write-up. The episode’s just too bonkers for me to talk about it in any other way. To start things off, Masayoshi confronts Alien Flamenco aboard a spaceship. It turns out Alien Flamenco hopes to achieve peace in the universe by forcing intelligent species to quickly evolve and thus assimilate themselves into a singular ‘uberspecies.’ This is sort of a commentary about cultural homogeneity, which is actually quite relevant to the discussion but I’ll get to it later. In any case, Alien Flamenco offers Masayoshi and the people of Japan a chance to evolve too, which leads to a funny exchange between the two that you really just have to see for yourself. Honestly, I can’t do it justice in a blog post.

Naturally, Masayoshi turns down Alien Flamenco’s offer, so they do battle for a short bit. In the end, Masayoshi ends up evolving anyway but in more ways than one. First, his superpowers obviously have to evolve in order for him to defeat Alien Flamenco. So y’know, he grows in size, his suit now gives him the ability to survive in outer space, he can throw out moves that have galaxy-related names (“Space Flamenco Galaxy Uppercut!”), etc. But more importantly, Masayoshi grows up on the inside. He matures and stops being a little boy with little boy dreams. Just bear with me. I swear it’ll make sense in the end. Masayoshi finally defeats Alien Flamenco on the moon, but when he lies down to catch a breath, he finds himself whisked away to a serene location. This same location is also full of figurines of all the Samurai Flamenco heroes and villains. Now this is where the anime gets all meta on us.

Masayoshi starts having a conversation with an entity that can change its appearance to whoever or whatever it wishes to look like. Not only that, it claims to be the universe’s will. At this point, we may as well call it God. And yes, we’re dealing with multiple universes now. Basically, certain individuals across the multiplicity of universes have the ability to shape their reality. Masayoshi just happens to be one of those individuals. Our protagonist wanted to be a hero just like the ones he admired in the stories he grew with up, so as a result, weirdos like King Torture, the From Beyond organization, the evil Prime Minister, and Alien Flamenco kept appearing one after the other in quick succession. Essentially, the guy was crafting his own superhero narrative.

The reason another villain hasn’t appeared, however, is because Masayoshi hasn’t wished for it. But make no mistake about it, this story could continue on forever if need be. “I can give you the next enemy. From another universe, the fourth dimension, deep inside the mind, a super-nanoworld, the abyss…” claims the omnipotent entity. But as it turns out, Masayoshi’s done. He wishes to return to his original, and more importantly, normal life. As I’ve previously said, he’s grown up. Hell, if you really think about it, he’s been growing up. This all started because a kid felt as though he couldn’t be a hero in the real world, i.e. the sort of realistic ‘crimefighting’ he was doing at the start of the series wasn’t enough to sate his appetite. Well, could you really blame him? His parents died when he was young, so his only sense of justice came from his uncle’s manga and the Super Sentai-like stuff he consumed voraciously. Masayoshi thus grew up with a very distinct sense of justice that just didn’t fit in neatly with the real world.

As such, he wished forth King Torture, a real villain for him to defeat. And after having just a small taste of comic heroism, Masayoshi wanted more. So he wished forth the From Beyond organization, which had so many members that they could only stopped by a Super Sentai-like band of heroes. Naturally, Masayoshi becomes the leaders of the Flamengers. At some point, however, Masayoshi started to grow up. He realized that heroism shouldn’t be limited to just a handful of powerful people like himself and the Flamengers. That’s when the story segued into the Prime Minister arc, and I wrote all those posts about the plurality of heroism and the need to resist the superhero imaginary. After all, he was writing his own best friend out of the story. Viewers were complaining about how Gotou was practically removed from the story, but Masayoshi noticed it too. He thus corrected it.

Finally, in this current “arc” with Alien Flamenco, Masayoshi takes a good hard look at himself. Yes, he has a strong sense of justice, but does he really want to force everyone to adopt his his values and vision of the world? Or will he allow them to ‘grow up,’ i.e. evolve, at their own pace just as he was allowed to do? Trust me, this was the whole subtext behind the whole evolution dilemma between him and Alien Flamenco: “You’re forcing others to accept your ideals. What humans need is to grow… To learn to walk on their own. After all, both our protagonist and Alien Flamenco want to achieve peace, and there’s no doubt about it that a homogenized culture is more conducive to accomplishing such a thing. Hell, just take a look at Tumblr. Tumblr is the logical endpoint of multiculturalism, and it’s nothing but full of strife. But like Masayoshi, we all know cultural homogeneity isn’t the answer.

So Masayoshi grows up and returns to his normal life. Or does he? The story would then come full circle, and I would like that. There’s a sense of finality in this. But we’ll see what next week’s episode has in store for us. But no matter what happens, Samurai Flamenco has been a hilarious journey from both inside and outside the anime. There are just these little jabs throughout the series that remind me why I think the show is so underrated. At one point, Masayoshi asks that one question that I know a lot of viewers have been dying to answer: “Why is everything named ‘Flamenco?’” Needless to say, the answer our hero gets is so wholly dissatisfying that it just has to be a middle finger to everyone who thinks the writers of the show are too dumb to realize what they are doing.

Damn, look at the paint job on that bike.

Episode summary: Mako tries to reason with Ryuuko, but the latter refuses to listen to anything that anyone has to say. She hates herself and intends to fight Ragyou all on her own. The rest of Nudist Beach resigns themselves to the fact that they’ll have to carry on without Ryuuko. Thanks to Inumuta, they discover that Satsuki is being held prisoner beneath Honnouji Academy, so Aikuro launches Operation Rescue Satsuki. In the end, they manage to save her without a hitch, but then again, it doesn’t really seem all though Ragyou was actively preventing them from doing so. Instead, our villain focuses her attention on bending Ryuuko to her will, which she manages to do rather effortlessly. Ryuuko is forced to wear Junketsu, which she then uses to attack her former friends and allies. Satsuki and Senketsu reluctantly team up in hopes that they can stop Ryuuko.

Notes & analysis:

• Fictional characters always claim that they’ve been living a lie just because they learned something new and unexpected about themselves. I gotta say I never like how this often plays out in most stories. Basically, Ryuuko doesn’t think she’s human because she’s part Life Fibers. But who cares? That’s just one aspect of her totality as a person. Everything she’s done up to this point — her memories, her accomplishments, her friendships, her values, etc. — is what should actually matter to her. Would you really throw it all away just because your heart is not made up of flesh and blood? And the companionship that Senketsu has provided her, is it worth nothing now just because Life Fibers are wreaking havoc elsewhere? I guess I’m disappointed in the direction that Ryuuko’s character arc has taken at such a late stage in the game. Had this occurred earlier in the series, I would’ve been more receptive to Ryuuko’s existential crisis.

• Ragyou taunts, “He treated his own daughter as but a mere tool.” But to be honest, if I end up being a tool for saving mankind from the enslavement of mass commodification, I don’t think I’d mind it too much.

• And once more, we return to Honnouji Academy to do battle.

• Well, if Trigger wanted to make Ryuuko unlikeable, they succeeded. I just don’t know where she’s coming from whatsoever. Against Aikuro, she accuses, “Deep down, I bet you were laughing at this freak of a girl.” C’mon now, is she really going to be this irrational at the 11th hour? I know it must be a shock to learn that someone like Ragyou is your mother, but this is just too much for me. Unfortunately, I can’t exactly root for Satsuki either because she’s fascism personified. At the end of the day, that leaves me with only Mako to cheer for.

• Oops, I guess I forgot about Senketsu. Other than the way he forced Ryuuko to wear him in the very first episode of the series, Senketsu has done nothing wrong. Unfortunately, the girl doesn’t agree. “I’ve never been human to begin with,” Ryuuko whines, but humanity isn’t the end all and be all of the discussion. The capacity to care and love isn’t exclusive to humanity. After all, I’m pretty sure our pets are perfectly capable of loving us (unless they’re cats). So it’s just too bad that our heroine hasn’t recognized something this obvious by the twentieth episode of the series. It really makes you feel as if all the time she’s spent with Senketsu was for naught. In Ryuuko’s eyes, Senketsu is guilty by association, which is just a shame.

• I mean, I’m sure she’ll come around before the story ends, but I’m just sayin’… I could tolerate this temper tantrum of hers had it occurred earlier in the narrative. At this point in the series, however, the conflict just feels contrived so that we can squeeze in one more battle between her and her friends. It would’ve been so much badass though if Ryuuko had shrugged it all off and said, “Who the hell cares what I’m made of or where I came from? I know who I am!”

• “Senketsu wasn’t the weapon created to kill his brethren!” Ryuuko argues, “It was me!” That’s true from a certain point of view. But you could also say that her purpose in life isn’t to kill the Life Fibers at all, but merely to prevent them from destroying mankind. She can either be a weapon against the Life Fibers, or a shield to protect those that she cares for. It’s really up to her. Unfortunately, our heroine’s existential crisis is preventing her from realizing that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.

• And thus Ryuuko returns to her life of being a wanderer. Or a ronin, if you will. In one fell swoop, she regresses back to how she started at the beginning of Kill la Kill: an angry loner hellbent on revenge. All that’s changed is her fighting capabilities. In that sense, she’s the one reducing herself to nothing more than a tool than anyone else.

• It’s interesting how Mako can now understand Senketsu even if she doesn’t actually know what he’s saying. I previously said that I think these two characters are the only ones in the show that I can relate to. I don’t think it’s an accident, therefore, that Mako now has the ability to understand Senketsu just shortly after the latter voiced his desire to follow Ryuuko no matter how much she rejects him. Despite Ryuuko’s immense hatred for both herself and Senketsu, the Godrobe won’t allow it to deter him from supporting his best friend in her greatest battle. I would thus speculate that perhaps he and Mako can now understand each other because they share a similar wavelength in terms of their love for Ryuuko. As the saying goes, love is a universal language.

• Ugh, Satsuki’s toenail scraping against the floor of her cell is like listening to nails going across a blackboard. Please stop. Finally, I’ve heard something more grating in this anime than Nonon’s voice.

• Somehow, Takarada makes a return to the narrative, and not only that, his conglomerate used every last penny in its coffers to equip our heroes with the S.S. Naked Sun, an impressive-looking ship by any measure. I guess if we’re going to use Life Fibers to fight against Life Fibers, it’s not too much a stretch to fight money with money. I mean, I’ll admit that my Kill la Kill posts have had a rather Marxist bent to them, but I don’t consider myself a communist or anything. I don’t think money is evil. Yes, greed is evil, but money is just money, and everything in moderation is the key to life. After all, I think we can all agree that Ragyou’s brand of capitalism is ultimately no good for anyone. If Satsuki represents political fascism, then likewise, Ragyou represents the truth of economic fascism.

• In defense of Mako, Gamagoori says, “Not even [Nonon] can pull out the earplugs she wears, for they are the earplugs of the heart.” Okay then…

• I’m caught in a bit of a quandary here. Despite still being bound by her wrists, Satsuki has no problems taking down any of the humanoid Life Fibers in her path. She thus feels the need to explain to no one in particular that her fake tonails are actually “made from the same material as Bakuzan,” and thus they are “more than enough” to defeat Ragyou’s army. At the same time, however, if she hadn’t explained this to us, we’d have no clue why her toenails can suddenly shred through Life Fibers so easily. So what is a writer to do? Shrug. Maybe it would’ve been more elegant for Satsuki to say nothing until she meets up with her allies. They will naturally ask, “Lady Satsuki, how did you manage to free yourself from your prison and fight your way through all the Life Fibers?” Satsuki can then give them the explanation instead of what she’s doing now, which is to apparently talk to no one in particular.

Or better yet, just have Satsuki think those lines in her head.

• “You’re lonely, aren’t you?” Nui asks, as she taunts Ryuuko, “You believed you were human, but you were kept alive by the same Life Fibers you considered your enemy. In that case, who exactly are your allies?” Yes, I’m repeating myself, but I just have to say that this dilemma is just so silly at this juncture in the narrative. Ryuuko’s allies are the ones fighting for justice. On the flip side, Ryuuko’s enemies are the ones committing evil deeds. It doesn’t matter what she or anyone else, i.e. Senketsu, is made of. All that really matters are the actions that people personally choose to take.

• Huh, I guess Nui too has a heart of Life Fibers like Ryuuko. Don’t tell me she’s also Ragyou’s daughter. Or better yet, maybe she’s a clone of Ragyou.

• “The only difference between us is that you grew within Lady Ragyou’s belly, whereas I grew within an artificial womb made of Life Fibers. That makes the two of us soul sisters.” Okay then. But wait a minute, does she nevertheless share a part of Ragyou’s DNA? Yes, she developed “within an artificial womb made of Life Fibers,” but the fetus had to come from somewhere, right? Its origins had to be human, right? I mean, she does bleed, which means she is part human. I wonder if Ragyou’s so twisted that she would make love to the Life Fibers and thereby create a hybrid. With anime, you never really know. But then again, Ragyou seems particularly proud of Ryuuko in a particularly motherly sort of way. Although they are allies, one can’t say the same for Ragyou’s treatment of Nui, so if we are to judge from that and that alone, it doesn’t seem likely that Nui’s even partly blood-related to Ryuuko. Still, you gotta wonder where that fetus came from…

• Plus, why does everything else about Nui heal up quickly except for, y’know, her left eye?

• It’s only fitting that Ragyou passes Junketsu on to Ryuuko. We’ve learned from last week’s episode that Ryuuko’s been the favored daughter all along. Remember, Satsuki has no Life Fibers within her:

What’s been lost in all this sibling talk is how Satsuki must now feel after hearing all of these revelations. Somewhere deep inside her, I think she’s coming to the realization that she’s always been the inferior child. After all, Ragyo created a new baby simply because she felt Satsuki was too old for that experiment the evil woman attempted to fuse her children with Life Fibers. Granted, Ragyo thought the experiment failed with Ryuuko too, but as we can see from the start of this week’s episode, this isn’t the case. Ryuuko’s heart is living proof that the experiment — or some future iteration of it — ultimately succeeded. Not only that, Isshin, a.k.a. Souchirou to both Satsuki and Ragyo, escaped to raise Ryuuko in secrecy.

One thus can’t help but feel pity for Satsuki; it’s hard not to think she was abandoned by her own father. Of course, you can argue that he did what he thought he had to do. You can also argue that he put his faith in Satsuki to remain strong despite having to be in Ragyo’s care. But if you put yourself in Satsuki’s shoes, it’s hard not to feel as though she has been betrayed by her own father.

In some twisted corner of her mind, I’m sure Ragyou believes Satsuki rebelled against her because her firstborn daughter has “inferior genetics,” i.e. she not part Life Fibers.

• In a way, it’s kind of like playing with dolls, isn’t it? “You get to wear the pretty dress first. Okay, now take it off. Now you you get to wear the pretty dress.”

Note how Ryuuko’s now blushing, though. Does it bring anything to mind? It should:

“Humans are such fragile beings. When we’re naked like this, anxiety overcomes us. It makes us want to hurry up and cover our bodies in the wonders known as ‘clothes.’” — Ragyou

• Ragyou then brainwashes her younger daughter. When Junketsu finished attaching itself to Ryuuko’s body, it feeds her visions of what her life might’ve been like had she stayed by her mother’s side. Of course, this is all hogwash. I doubt her life would’ve been this peachy:

But it’s clear what Ragyou’s attempting to do. She wants Ryuuko to believe that her father had betrayed her. Due to her father’s actions, she’s grown up without knowing the love and care of a family. This is why our heroine has been so protective of the Mankanshoku family to begin with. They’re the only family she knows. Of course, from our vantage point, we can clearly understand Souchirou’s actions; he had to do what he did in order to form a resistance against Ragyou’s plans for world domination. Still, Ryuuko’s mind is very clouded right now by her negative emotions. From her point of view, she had to go away to a boarding school only to return home to see her father murdered right before her very eyes. Then even after she made all these friends — in particular, Mako and Senketsu — she feels as though her father’s legacy, i.e. the scientific research that allowed him to fuse her body with Life Fibers, is ultimately responsible for her loss of humanity and thus her friends as well. Ragyou’s just hammering home on Ryuuko’s insecurities. As a result, the girl now believes that she could’ve had the pure love of a mother all along, and trust me, practically no one denigrates the pure love of a mother. Again, from our vantage point, we’re like, “There’s no fucking way Ragyou could ever love someone like that.” ‘Cause let’s face it, it was Ragyou who threw Ryuuko away in the first place. But again, Ryuuko’s in a vulnerable state of mind as evidenced by the tears streaming down her face:

Plus, having Junketsu choke the life out of you probably doesn’t help.

• So much for the S.S. Naked Sun. We just got introduced to it, and it’s already getting destroyed.

• For what it’s worth, Ryuuko with Junketsu is her worst look yet. No wonder Senketsu will win her back in the end. Style above all, yo. But in all seriousness, what we have here is the familiar case of one of the good guys being lured to the dark side, and his or her allies will now have to somehow convince our protagonist to return to the light. Hell, this same thing is also happening in Mahou Sensou, which we all know to be a terrible anime series. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not drawing this comparison because I want to say Kill la Kill is shit. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that originality isn’t everything. Instead, it’s how you choose to utilize these tropes in order to craft a story that is authentically yours. A trope can completely bomb in one show, and succeed in another.

• Man, this episode has been full of insert songs.

• And as Ryuuko’s foil…

…it’s only fitting (no pun intended) that Satsuki will now don Senketsu in order to stop her sister from destroying everyone and everything she once held dear to her heart.

…sibling love everywhere.

Episode summary: Gekkou enrolls at Subaru Academy and reconciles his oniichan. Meanwhile, Takeshi gets a brief course in Wizard Brace’s deep, dark past.

Notes:

• Just look at this screenshot:

Look at all those parents getting involved in their kids’ education! Doesn’t it make you feel warm on the inside? Gosh, I can just imagine their words of encouragement: “Sweetie, you’ll be the greatest magician ever! Just be sure to study hard in this school that has such a low amount of security that students end up getting kidnapped and brainwashed left and right. And oh yeah, once you graduate, you have to go to war with a rival magic clan that’s hellbent on destroying everything you know and love… study hard!”

• Kurumi: “It’s just like the way we did things in our old world.” Thank God for that. It’s crazy enough that people can cast spells in Mahou Sensou. Could you imagine if the rest of the anime was different as well? I couldn’t. It’d be too scary. I might actually be interested in the show.

• Kazumi’s so impressed by the education he has received from Subaru Academy that he has decided to enroll his imouto as well.

• Kurumi whispers, “She’s so cute!” “Very cute…” agrees Takeshi.

Yo, we get it. She’s an imouto. She’s kawaii. You guys can stop giving her the rape eyes now.

• Kazumi: “I can’t deny that she’s cute, though.” Rest in peace, little sister. We knew ye well.

• But remember, you don’t gain magical powers unless you come into contact with magic. So how did Futaba manage that? Well, y’see, she was invited to a birthday party by a little boy. Y’know, one of her classmates back in the normal world. Her big bro, however, heard that she’d be the only girl at this little boy’s birthday party, so he forbade her from going. Oh right, did I mention that Futaba is still in elementary school? Mm hmm, her big bro forbade her from going to a birthday party hosted by a little boy in elementary school. Hey, he’s just looking out for his precious imouto, okay? And you can never tell with those sick freaks in elementary school! They might play pin the tail on the donkey! And we all know little boys’ birthday parties are way more dangerous than this magical academy she’ll be attending. So he and his sister got into an argument, and his magic somehow manifested itself. Voila! I can’t believe my little sister can be so magical!

• But forget about that for a second, ’cause here comes the big revelation. Slo-mo, please! Stunned expressions, please! ‘Cause it’s Takeshi’s kawaii otouto!

HAY GUYZ!

• Takeshi: “Then one day, something happened that I’d never expected.”

Dear Penthouse…

…he’s definitely grown since I last saw him…

…my heart pounded in my chest…

…forgive me, my lord, for what I am about to do.

The next thing we see are sakura petals fluttering through the air. I think we all know what happened that night.

• Magical training in action:

Madhouse’s really pushing themselves to the limit here with the giant, glowing octopus and students surfing to and fro. I sure hope they leave enough left in the tank for Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei. We wouldn’t want that anime to suck now would we?

• Meanwhile, in a separate location, Mui’s big bro asks her, “Which made you happier, Nanase’s gift or mine?” Haven’t you heard? When you keep it in the family, magic happens!

• Gekkou sees Violet-sensei in the hallway. He says hi to her. She just smirks. Top notch security and background checks at Subaru Academy, guys. I’d enroll my imouto in a heartbeat if I had one. It’d keep her away from those shady birthday parties.

• Ah, sibling love. “Stop checking on me during class!” Futaba whines, but we all know she’s asking for it what with those pigtails and all. If imoutos didn’t want to their privacy impinged upon, maybe they shouldn’t look so imouto-y!

• Kazumi replies, “Why shouldn’t I come watch my cute little sister in action?” Yeah! Never stop watching all imoutos everywhere.

• That night, after Gekkou took a bite out of Takeshi’s fish, our hero gets a nightmare where Gekkou steals not just Kurumi away, but Twilight too. Oh no, not my sword-turned-pinku-haired-shoujo! I think the fish was a metaphor for Kurumi or something.

• So when Takeshi wakes up, he notices Kippei, one of the villains, hanging out by his windowsill. Kippei’s all, “Yo, wait up! I got a history lesson to teach you.” And Takeshi’s like, “I know you almost got my friends and me killed, but okay! Let’s hear what you have to say!” Then a really boring story follows where Kippei claims that the Wizard Brace clan used to murder and torture other magic users. We get the following exchange:

Takeshi: “Wizard Brace did that?”
Kippei: “Meowth! That’s right!”
Takeshi: “Well, gee, I have no reason to believe you, but okay, you have convinced me to doubt my teachers and everything they’ve taught me!”

• Then Kippei continues by telling a really believable story about Kazuma, the leader of the trailers:

Wizard Brace: Join us!
Kazuma: Never! I refuse to be your pawn!
Wizard Brace: k ur parentz r ded

• Finally, Takeshi learns about the Great Battle of Tokyo Tower:

The Trailers realized how ugly the tower was, so they wanted to tear it down. But those stupid Wizard Bracer magicians stood in the Trailers’ way like the jerks that they are. And so a war broke out.

• Dun dun dun, according to Kippei, Takeshi’s mom used to be a wizard too. In fact, she’s the original owner of Twilight! I told you guys… this shit runs in the family.

• Takeshi: “Why are you telling me all of this?”
Kippei: “Because I’m trying to recruit you, obviously! Jesus Christ, what do they teach you kids here? Nothing, apparently.”

• And just like that, Kippei’s gone and Takeshi wakes up again. Was that a nightmare, or was it real? I’m at the edge of my pants here!

• The following morning, Takeshi decides to have a talk with Momoka just as Kippei had suggested. And boy, Kippei was right! Takeshi’s mom was a wizard. Then does that mean Wizard Brace did murder Kazuma’s parents? Takeshi freaks out and storms away from Momoka’s office. The school’s headmistress, however, just stands there, thinking to herself, “To expect him to judge the Trailers righteous simply because he’d glimpsed the darkness of Wizard Brace’s hidden past would be foolhardy.” Wouldn’t it? Therefore, I should just do nothing and let one of my students scare himself shitless. I mean, I could go after him and make sure he doesn’t do anything reckless. I could clear the air and alleviate his confusion. But… naaaaaah. Why bother? ‘Cause “[i]n the end, each person must decide himself” with no help whatsoever from the adults at this school! The best school with the best education led by the best teachers and administrators! Only here… at Subaru Academy! Call now to receive an informative brochure!

Can you guess who ends up falling in love with whom this week? I bet you can’t! Before we begin, I’m going to try something new this week. I want to split the posts up so that I don’t feel as though I have to write one giant post every weekend. Honestly, a series of smaller posts is just a whole lot easier for me to manage. After eight minutes of this week’s episode of Nisekoi, I had already written nearly 1,500 words. I had to stop and say to myself, “This is getting ridiculous.” So without further ado, here’s the write-up on Nisekoi…

• The episode starts off with Tsugumi reassembling a handgun at mach speed or something. I’m guessing this is supposed to impress the audience. Like wow, what a badass! As far as I’m concerned, however, she became a quivering blob of moe last week just because she found herself half-naked in front of a boy. So no, no amount of gun-assembling prowess is going to make up for that pathetic display.

• But try as she might, Tsugumi is forever haunted by those dreaded words: “That’s a big waste, since you’re so cute.” Just standard harem dynamics at work. Cross-dressing not befitting normative anime gender roles? Why, it’s just because she was an orphan who got taken in by the insensitive Claude (all pun intended), who couldn’t even tell that she was a girl. That’s why she’s all tomboyish and everything. It’s not because it’s a legitimate aspect of her character or anything like that! Thankfully, a simple remark from Raku is more than enough to reinforce the biotruths of Tsugumi’s undeniable femininity or some equally insipid garbage. Uguu, no one has ever called me cute before… this has completely flipped my world upside-down, which is sort of sad ’cause this implies my world wasn’t much to begin with.

• This is the sort of shit that harem anime considers to be comedy:

Haha, what a kneeslapper.

• All the guys at school are like, “Finally, the girls can stop crooning over Tsugumi,” but the jokes on them! Like I’ve said last week, anime girls are always a hair’s breadth away from lesbianism. ‘Cause lulz, it’s hot!

• Hey, remember how in last week’s episode, Tsugumi claimed to have learned a valuable lesson from Raku? Gosh, lemme see if I can look up that exchange again… oh, here we go:

Raku reasons, “[Chitoge]‘s not such a wuss that she’ll be happy to sit tight while someone protects her, is she?” Hm, surprisingly progressive from a harem ani-… “Call yourself a man? Then be a rock for her, and watch over her!” Oh c’mon, what’s the fucking difference? Either way, you’re still being a condescending jackass who thinks a woman needs you to watch over her.

And what a great lesson it was to learn! We should allow others to fend for themselves instead of hovering over them all the time in a paternalistic manner!

Tsugumi: “Young Miss! Let me be the one to make that shopping run! I can’t allow you to take on such chores!”

Nope, haven’t learned a thing. Can’t even let a person do a few chores. Ironically, in protecting Chitoge like this, Tsugumi actually end up dehumanizing her. She’s basically saying, “Your ability to self-actualize and make your own decisions in life is not as important as how much that hard work might “taint” you…” But that’s the puzzling part. Why can’t Chitoge “take on such chores?” Because it’ll make her sweat? Because she’ll get tired? Because she’ll break a nail? Like what are we even protecting her from? The only answer that makes any sense is ‘life.’ There’s nothing gallant nor chivalrous about what Tsugumi’s doing. She’s effectively destroying the real Chitoge in order to preserve some ideal “Chitoge” that exists only within her mind, the kind that should never have to do chores lest it somehow “taints” her for good. Tsugumi wants to protect Chitoge from living her own life.

But don’t make the mistake of thinking that the anime is somehow critiquing Tsugumi or the archetype she represents. Oh no no no… Tsugumi represents an extreme end of the spectrum, for sure, but her actions are nevertheless respected. Her devotion is seen as some sort of pure, unconditional love that will somehow make up for the other areas of extreme deficiencies in her character. And then it all starts to come together. In life, you may not be very successful. You may not have the best job, the best physique, or even the best personality! But by golly, you can devote yourself completely to a woman, can’t you? You can certainly elevate her up onto that pedestal, can’t you? And as such, you can’t let her carry a few heavy bags of pet food all by her lonesome! I mean, how is she going to do her chores from way up there on her pedestal! It’s okay, though; you’ll be the knight-in-shining-armor that she never knew she needed. You’ll do all those “dirty” things for her.

• And in the end, Tsugumi’s “noble” sacrifice merely sets her up to have quality alone time with Raku, the bland harem lead. Aha, two birds with one stone.

• Likewise, don’t make the mistake of thinking that Chitoge is some helpless victim here:

Tsugumi’s going to do my chores for me? Better take her out of her functional clothing and stick her in a skirt instead!

‘Cause I mean, it’s not like there’s any middle ground between a boy’s school uniform and a skirt. Nope, nosiree. Jeans have yet to make their way to Japan’s shores. Slacks and skirts are all we’ve got.

Uguu, my biotruths are showing, aren’t they?

Bland harem lead approves!

• But what makes a girl like Tsugumi so appealing to Nisekoi‘s target audience are her imperfections. Case in point, all that walking around in high heels — and remember, Chitoge knew Tsugumi was going to do her chores for her but she still decided to stick her devoted friend in a skirt and heels — has given her a blister. She might be a tough, badass hitwoman who can reassemble a handgun in seven seconds, but our little-wittle girl can’t even walk around in her high heels like a proper woman! What a dork! I guess… I guess I’ll just have to swoop in and save the day again. Shit, you don’t even have to bother reading what I just wrote. Raku literally says the exact same shit I tried to mock him with:

And so we get the classic piggyback ride that every tsunderekko must inevitably endure because BIOTRUTHS:

Of course, Tsugumi initially screamed at the guy to put her down, but it was to no avail. It’s not like a hitwoman with a tiny blister on one of her feet could fight off a piggyback ride. Once you hop onto a harem lead’s bean sprout of a back, you’re on for life. That’s how serious piggyback rides are.

Again, just classic harem dynamics at work. The whole point of tsunderekkos or any sort of “powerful” character in a harem is to successively tear them down and bring them to a level below the main character. This preferably occurs when the tsunderekko suddenly realizes that those feelings deep within her is really ~tru3 ruv~ as the undefeatable hitwoman jumps onto the back of the worthless harem lead because she has a fucking blister on one of her feet. Welp, since we’re already here, we may as well assume the position:

‘Cause bio-motherfuckin’-truths.

• Tsugumi reveals to Raku that Chitoge once spoke very highly of her first love. That lying bitch! Raku exclaims:

So naturally, Raku asks, “Then what about your first love?” In response, Tsugumi insists that she’s abandoned being a woman! Abandoned it, she says! So here comes Raku’s counterargument: “If you’re the kind of person who can devote herself like that to someone, then I’ll bet you anything there’s someone out there who’ll fall in love with you.” Doki doki, I think it’s you, Raku! I think she loves you! Hurr hurr hurr.

• And of course, later that night, Tsugumi has trouble with her gun-assembling exercise. Hey, I’m just sayin’…

The whole point of tsunderekkos or any sort of “powerful” character in a harem is to successively tear them down and bring them to a level below the main character.

Now she can’t even put together a gun, let alone perform the task at mach speed. But it’s okay! Finding your first love more than makes up for it, especially if it’s a bland harem lead like Raku.

• So now every time Chitoge calls Raku her darling, Tsugumi has to faceplant into a nearby wall and blush profusely. Just biotruths at work. That’s all. But will she admit her feelings of ~tru3 ruv~ for Raku? Of course not, you silly goose! Haven’t I already told you? What makes a girl like Tsugumi so appealing to Nisekoi‘s target audience are her imperfections, i.e. she doesn’t even know what ~tru3 ruv~ is!

Tsugumi: “The thing is, I’ve been feeling strange lately. These physical changes seem to come about only under certain conditions, and they’re like nothing I’ve ever experienced before…”

Chitoge: “Oh really? What kind of changes?”

Tsugumi: “You see… My pulse starts racing only in front of a certain person… It feels like my heart’s being crushed, and my face grows hot, and whenever that person is around, I can’t even manage to speak right…”

Again, you get two birds with one stone, ’cause don’t forget, Chitoge’s a tsunderekko too. As a result, she too doesn’t understand what ~tru3 ruv~ is. Upon hearing Tsugumi’s “symptoms,” Chitoge hypothesizes that it must be some kind of mental disorder. In the end, she and Tsugumi are alike:

• In any case, Tsugumi decides it might be a good idea to ask around and see if anyone else can shed light on her recent troubles. As you can see, Claude is no help…

The guy is eating a bento box that has been made to resemble Chitoge’s face. Not only that, he keeps a picture of his ojousama in front of him so that he can stare at it while he eats her face… obviously, this guy has no clue what ~tru3 ruv~ is. He’s just a creepy freak.

• Next, Tsugumi decides to ask Shu, but he’s too self-aware — too meta — so he just ends up in a laughing fit while our poor tsunderekko stares at him with complete exasperation.

• Further inquiries reveal that other people at the school have no trouble recognizing that Tsugumi’s symptoms are the results of ~tru3 ruv~, but they don’t come out and say it for whatever reason. Tsugumi thus gets to remain as confused as ever. Anime’s just gotta anime, I guess. Somewhere out there, Nisekoi‘s target audience is giggling at these scenes as if they’re cute and precious.

• Finally, Tsugumi gets the answer she’s been looking for when she approaches both Kosaki and Ruri with her problems, but she quickly discovers that she doesn’t like what she hears one bit:

But you know from the wacky sax number in the background that if Tsugumi would only look inside her heart, she’d know it to be true. She just doesn’t want to admit it because — doki doki — it’s so embarrassing. Big, bad hitwoman ends up falling in love with the bland harem lead? No way! Such a thing has never happened before in my anime!

• Oh how the mighty has fallen:

The whole point of tsunderekkos or any sort of “powerful” character in a harem is to successively tear them down and bring them to a level below the main character.

Biotruths!

• So anyway, Tsugumi confides in Chitoge what she’s learned. It is perhaps ~tru3 ruv~ after all. They then start talking about Chitoge’s first love. Y’know, the one from ten years ago that she now has no recollection of whatsoever. If you can’t remember something, it probably isn’t all that important. There are exceptions, but c’mon, I don’t think Chitoge is a suffering amnesiac. But silly me, I forget sometimes that I’m watching anime, where childhood promises are a billion times more legally binding than any written contract in the world. So even though Chitoge can’t remember a single thing about her first love, it’s nevertheless important and meaningful! And thus, Chitoge must stand there all slack-jawed and stunned as Tsugumi tells her ojousama all about that ne’er forgotten boy from days yonder. Now it’s her turn to have her world flipped upside-down. You can tell it’s serious because the song in the background is now being played by violins. Everyone knows violins are romantic.

• You’re right, Chitoge! What kind of loser would cling onto a childhood promise he made ten years ago?

Oh. Right. Well, I mean, that’s his problem, not yours. So you’re still in the clear!

What’s this? A diary full of your personal thoughts and feelings that you have somehow conveniently forgotten all about just like that promise you made ten years ago with some little boy? Of course that’s what it is. Duh. Let’s have a look inside!

Wow, what a brave kid! I hope he grows up to be a hero or something, and not some worthless harem lead! Hey, wait a minute! The kid got a scar on his forehead as a result of that incident. Shit, I think I know who she made her childhood promise to!

Well, look who it is… if it isn’t another harem lead!

• You almost have to feel bad for the little boy in Chitoge’s diary if it wasn’t so plainly obvious that it is really Harry Potter Raku. As you listen to younger Chitoge reads to us the stories of childhood love, all I can hear is how this kid kept saving her over and over and over and over. And yet, she still had the nerve to completely forget all about him! Then again, if my first love was Harry Potter Raku, I’d bury those memories deep down in the dark recesses of my brain too.

• C’mon, Chitoge… do you really want to know the answer to this question? Do you really? Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you…

• Alright, let’s wrap this post up so I can start working on the next one.

Naturally.

Is the utter humiliation of the girls in these shows not why you’re here?

Nourin Ep. 8

If you were ever like, “Man, what has Becky been up to lately?” then this is the episode for you.

There’s our beautiful Christmas cake! …what? You don’t believe me? No, really, it’s Becky:

Yes, she’s apparently a “lonely demon,” and her current mission is to prey upon happy girls. I think the important question to ask here is, “Are you laughing?” Wait, no… the better question is, “Who’s supposed to be laughing at this?”

Kei manages to protect his female classmates by knocking Becky headfirst into a patch of mud (I think). Who’s supposed to be laughing at this?

Here, her entire class scolds her for acting young. Who’s supposed to be laughing at this?

During home economics, Kousaku hears a vibrating noise and thinks someone in the class hasn’t turned their cellphone off. Becky realizes it’s her egg vibrator and pulls it out in front of everyone. Who’s supposed to be laughing at this?

Apparently, Becky is trying to teach her class how to get some katsuobushi shavings for a meal. Somehow, this involves sniffing and sucking on the tip of the fermented, smoked slapjack tuna as if it was a penis. Who’s supposed to be laughing at this?

Becky then mocks Ringo’s flat chest because she’s really just jealous of her young student and all the attention the latter gets from the guys in her class. Who’s supposed to be laughing at this?

To settle this dispute, Becky and Ringo have a cook-off. It doesn’t really matter what Ringo prepares. As for Becky, she’s turns herself into a serving board for sushi, a.k.a. the infamous practice of nyotaimori. Naturally, the guys in her class are not amused:

They proceed to pick her up for some classic defenestration. Once more, who’s supposed to be laughing at this?

Saikin Imouto no Yousu ga Chotto Okashiinda ga Ep. 9

At the start of the episode, we learn that Aunt Nanami is moving in with the kids, but don’t worry. Nothing’s going to change whatsoever. As quickly as Aunt Nanami appears, she then disappears for the remainder of the episode. So there you go, kids! Feel free to do all the stupid, raunchy shit that kids in a harem anime are wont to do. Which is, naturally, to gawk at your sister’s ass:

And later remark, “…striped panties, huh?” ‘Cause the sort of panties your sister wears really fucking matters. Then when your poor sister falls asleep beneath the kotatsu, the most brotherly thing to do is to correct her math homework without her asking you to, then fall asleep beside her. The former seems harmless enough… seems. But considering how condescending paternalistic harem anime can be, you can’t blame me for raising an eyebrow over Yuuya’s seemingly harmless correction of Mitsuki’s math homework. But make no doubts about it, falling asleep next to a girl you hardly know and cuddling up to her is a tad creepy. Yes, this girl happens to be Yuuya’s sister, but it’s not like he’s known Mitsuki his entire life or anything. But before you protest, let’s move on, because trust me… it gets worse. It always gets worse:

Nope, that’s not Hiyori groping Mitsuki this time. It’s Yuuya, our wonderful harem lead! B-But he’s asleep and thinking of his mom! So it makes it okay! Meanwhile, ImoCho‘s target audience giggles with glee as they imagine themselves in Yuuya’s position: “Gosh, if only I had a cute, unsuspecting imouto that I can ‘innocently’ molest in her sleep.” Plus, when Mitsuki wakes up and notices that her homework has been completely marked up with a red pen, she has no choice but to admit that her oniichan is a good guy who’s just trying to help. Oh, bless his heart. Right.

Later, Mitsuki goes snooping in Yuuya’s bag because she wants to see whether or not her oniichan has been eating the bentos she’s been dutifully preparing for him. Oops:

Things go from bad to worse when Mitsuki realizes that Yuuya’s been eating another girl’s bento instead. Not just eating them, but finishing every last morsel of food in them too. Hidoi, Yuuya-kun! How could you disregard your poor imouto’s feelings like that? Wait a minute, any intelligent and emotionally-balanced person would be able to make a rather simple connection. First off, most people do not enjoy eating two whole bentos for lunch, ’cause let’s face it, that is a whole lot of food. Therefore, just maybe… just maybe… Yuuya was too full to eat his second bento, so he brought it home to eat later. But of course, Mitsuki is a caricature of an imouto, so of course she doesn’t realize this. After all, she’s only in the show so that we can put her into sexually humiliating situations for our enjoyment. Case in point:

Sure, the white stuff all over her face is really just dressing. Uh huh, the anime doesn’t mean for it to look like anything but white, sticky globs of dressing all over a young imouto’s face. Oh well, time to change out of that dirtied maid outfit, a.k.a. sexually humiliating situation number two:

If you couldn’t guess, that’s Yuuya’s bare ass that you’re staring at right now. It must be cold in that bathroom. Despite being naked in front of his sister — and there’s also the fact that’s she’s practically naked in front of him as well — Yuuya, in all his sensitivity, remarks, “I get it! So that’s what a ‘naked apron’ is!”

Anyway, the rest of the episode is just a boring one-sided rivalry between Hiyori-as-Mitsuki and Yuki, so I won’t even get into it. Nevertheless, the two girls still manage to team up to make dinner for their men. I say “men” only because Yuuya’s best buddy is here too, but obviously, no one really cares about him as he is not the bland harem lead. So for intents and purposes, the two girls team up to make dinner for just Yuuya. What a lucky guy. And thanks to Mitsuki’s constant and utter humiliation, Hiyori’s closer to heaven than ever before:

This calls for a celebration! Nothing like traumatizing imoutos left and right for our own personal gain!

Kanpai!